Every so often, instead of wading through the congealing muck of the Craigslist bicycles section, I like to go to “Missed Connections” and do a search for “bike.” The cynical side of me is amused at the notion of people riding around on vanity bikes, desperately hoping to be noticed. The cyclist in me enjoys seeing bikes in an unexpected context. (Like when you’re watching random TV show or movie and something bike-related comes up.) And, yes, the tiny poppy seed of sentimentality lodged deep inside my irascible, charred, and toxic soul does hope that somewhere out there two people on bikes will find each-other and find some measure of fulfillment. (At least until their nascent love matures into mutual disgust.)
But mostly I stumbled upon this awhile back and figured “Missed Connections” would be a good place to laugh at people. (And no, I would never place a fake ad on Craigslist. I am a curmudgeon, but I'm not a troll.)
Hott Bushwick Bike Commute - m4w - 25
Reply to: [deleted]
Date: 2007-08-09, 10:39PM EDT
Me: Hot cyclist on custom track bike that I hand built, wearing short shorts, bright colors, and lightly covered in sweat. Monday through Friday, 8:10-8:30am.
You: Every single babe that I see heading down the street or up the Williamsburg Bridge with a nice ass, chiseled calves, and tight clothes. Cyclists preferred.
Feel free to give me the updown, followed by your choice in cat calls. Don't worry, I wont bite. I just want to know who is worth stopping for. MEOW!
Cycling has long needed its own Leon Phelps, and we may have finally found him. The veracity of this post is questionable, since if he were for real I’d think he’d be more specific about his route. But for any ladies out there in the ‘Wick hoping he is, keep your eyes open for Richard Simmons on a track bike.
Messenger boy and girl in the window - w4m - 21 (East Village)
Reply to: [deleted]
Date: 2007-08-08, 9:17PM EDT
Looking for the bike messenger who chained his bike to the fence in front of my window. Showed up twice this evening [since 8pm] and you are super cute. You had a red shirt on. Please see this.
8pm? That is not a messenger, that is a marijuana delivery person.
pink bike celeste handle bar - m4w
Reply to: [deleted]
Date: 2007-08-08, 3:03AM EDT
it seemed like i was seeing a lot of you for a while. we were riding in the same direction towards greenpoint on kent several times. i said good morning to you once as i was passing by. then we both had to wait on the polaski bridge one afternoon a couple of weeks ago while a boat was passing through. we mostly talked about you bike. i didn't ask for your number because i was sure i'd see you again soon. where have you been?
Sounds like a passionate conversation. Your insights into her bike must have really captivated her. Savor your memories of the Pulaski bridge and the garbage scow plying the unctuous waters of Newtown creek. Unfortunately, you probably won’t ever see her again because she’s changed her route to avoid you. That scow has sailed. (You could always try contacting the girl looking for the weed delivery service guy, though. Who knows?)
Friday, August 10, 2007
Thursday, August 9, 2007
It's A Jungle Out There: Six Tips For Urban Cyclists
City riding takes special skills and sensibilities. Here are six things you won't learn from Transportation Alternatives:
Keep Your Shirt On. Literally.
Yes, it’s hot here in New York right now. Crusty top-tube hot. However, that is not an excuse to cycle shirtless. I’m not concerned with the potential for unsightly skin abrasions. That’s your problem. I’m just concerned with the fact that it’s unsightly, period. Now, there’s always going to be the shirtless guy in the baggy shorts riding around on a department store bike with both v-brakes unhooked and a wet towel on his head. I’m not talking to that guy--that is not a cyclist, that’s a guy on a bike. I’m talking to the person on the IRO with a Chrome bag on bare skin. Or the roadie wearing bib shorts and nothing else. Or the chemiseless man I’ve been seeing on my commute every morning for the past week with the giant backpack and the conversion who leans on cars instead of putting his foot down at red lights. Yes, I realize some people scribe their thermometers at 90 degrees and write the word “shirtless!!!” next to it in purple sharpie, but the fact is a cycling jersey of some kind will actually keep you cooler than nothing at all. It’s called “wicking,” and it has nothing to do with candles. (And there will be no extra points to the first person to comment that women should be excluded from this rule. This is a family site.)
Sacrifice Others So That You May Live
In New York, traffic lights are widely considered optional for cyclists. The police will periodically enforce the law (as many messengers can tell you), but for the most part you can blow right through a red right in front of an officer in a Cushman without fear of reprisal. However, some riders blow lights more wantonly than others. Slowing down, making sure nobody’s coming, and then slipping through is one thing. Charging straight ahead at 30 and hoping the cars will align themselves in some Tetris-like fashion that allows you to pass is another. The thing is, sometimes you’re riding with someone more aggressive than yourself who might test your comfort zone. Of course, the smart thing is to just let them go. But come on, we’re cyclists. Admit it, for many of us, letting go of a wheel is like letting go of an alpine axe on Everest. So here’s a tip: if you’re riding with someone who’s an aggressive light-runner and you absolutely must stay with him, do what I call the “intersection echelon.” That is, when you approach the intersection, imagine oncoming cars are the wind and get on the leeward side of him. That way, he will bear the brunt of any vehicular impact. (This is particularly useful on group rides. Hey, it’s a cruel world.)
Avoid the Glacial Creep Track Stand
I don’t care whether or not you put your foot down at a light. But for some riders, dabbing a foot during an urban ride is an unspeakable humiliation. (Either that, or maybe they’re afraid their shoe might melt if it contacts hot pavement). Naturally, these riders as a rule will do a track stand at a red light. (They seem to be under the mistaken impression that pedestrians and onlookers are impressed). However, some of these people have not quite mastered the art. As they adjust their weight distribution and pedal position to stay upright, they slowly yet inevitably creep forward, eventually winding up in the crosswalk and, ultimately, in front of oncoming traffic. And by then it can be too late to unclip. That’s when the glacier falls victim to sudden and disastrous global warming.
Avoid the Crosswalk Figure-Eight
A counterpart to the Glacial Creep Track Stand is the Crosswalk Figure-Eight. While the GCTS is mostly a freewheel phenomenon (since the rider is ratcheting with his pedals to stay upright), the CWFE is more of a fixed gear thing. This happens when someone refuses to put a foot down but can’t track stand very well. So, instead, they ride around in little circles or figure eights until the intersection is clear. The danger? Well, apart from looking stupid, you might Lance Armstrong a Chanel handbag with your flop-and-chops and go down, looking even stupider.
Save Your Breath
Some riders shout at every little thing. They yell at every cab that cuts them off. They yell at every clueless tourist on the bridge who stands in their way. They yell at other riders who pass them by surprise while they’re busy yelling at someone else. If this is you, relax. Save your breath. Trust me, you need it. Not for that big hill, or that strenuous bridge crossing. No, you need to save your breath so when you’re confronted with that huge transgression—you know, the driver or pedestrian whose stupidity is radioactive enough to strip the paint from your frame—you can attack them with everything you’ve got.
Be Aware That Cyclists Shoot Death Rays From Their Eyes
If you’ve been riding for awhile, you may have noticed that you shoot death rays from your eyes. The fact is, most of us do. This can be observed when you’re riding across a narrow bridge crossing or bike path with two-way bike traffic. (Or also off-road on narrow, two-way singletrack.) What happens is this: you’re riding along and a newer, less-seasoned rider is coming towards you. As the rider approaches, he or she suddenly and inexplicably starts shaking and wobbling. (While this is most likely due to that cyclist’s fear that he or she may not be able to fit between you and the guard rail, I prefer to attribute it to death rays.) Obviously, this is dangerous to both parties, because the nervous, quivering cyclist is now effectively taking up twice as much lateral space. So if you shoot death rays yourself, learn to recognize potential victims. And if you’re still susceptible to death rays, learn the width of your bars and acquire confidence that you can fit through small spaces. (Or wear dark glasses, grip the bars, and hope for the best.)
Keep Your Shirt On. Literally.
Yes, it’s hot here in New York right now. Crusty top-tube hot. However, that is not an excuse to cycle shirtless. I’m not concerned with the potential for unsightly skin abrasions. That’s your problem. I’m just concerned with the fact that it’s unsightly, period. Now, there’s always going to be the shirtless guy in the baggy shorts riding around on a department store bike with both v-brakes unhooked and a wet towel on his head. I’m not talking to that guy--that is not a cyclist, that’s a guy on a bike. I’m talking to the person on the IRO with a Chrome bag on bare skin. Or the roadie wearing bib shorts and nothing else. Or the chemiseless man I’ve been seeing on my commute every morning for the past week with the giant backpack and the conversion who leans on cars instead of putting his foot down at red lights. Yes, I realize some people scribe their thermometers at 90 degrees and write the word “shirtless!!!” next to it in purple sharpie, but the fact is a cycling jersey of some kind will actually keep you cooler than nothing at all. It’s called “wicking,” and it has nothing to do with candles. (And there will be no extra points to the first person to comment that women should be excluded from this rule. This is a family site.)
Sacrifice Others So That You May Live
In New York, traffic lights are widely considered optional for cyclists. The police will periodically enforce the law (as many messengers can tell you), but for the most part you can blow right through a red right in front of an officer in a Cushman without fear of reprisal. However, some riders blow lights more wantonly than others. Slowing down, making sure nobody’s coming, and then slipping through is one thing. Charging straight ahead at 30 and hoping the cars will align themselves in some Tetris-like fashion that allows you to pass is another. The thing is, sometimes you’re riding with someone more aggressive than yourself who might test your comfort zone. Of course, the smart thing is to just let them go. But come on, we’re cyclists. Admit it, for many of us, letting go of a wheel is like letting go of an alpine axe on Everest. So here’s a tip: if you’re riding with someone who’s an aggressive light-runner and you absolutely must stay with him, do what I call the “intersection echelon.” That is, when you approach the intersection, imagine oncoming cars are the wind and get on the leeward side of him. That way, he will bear the brunt of any vehicular impact. (This is particularly useful on group rides. Hey, it’s a cruel world.)
Avoid the Glacial Creep Track Stand
I don’t care whether or not you put your foot down at a light. But for some riders, dabbing a foot during an urban ride is an unspeakable humiliation. (Either that, or maybe they’re afraid their shoe might melt if it contacts hot pavement). Naturally, these riders as a rule will do a track stand at a red light. (They seem to be under the mistaken impression that pedestrians and onlookers are impressed). However, some of these people have not quite mastered the art. As they adjust their weight distribution and pedal position to stay upright, they slowly yet inevitably creep forward, eventually winding up in the crosswalk and, ultimately, in front of oncoming traffic. And by then it can be too late to unclip. That’s when the glacier falls victim to sudden and disastrous global warming.
Avoid the Crosswalk Figure-Eight
A counterpart to the Glacial Creep Track Stand is the Crosswalk Figure-Eight. While the GCTS is mostly a freewheel phenomenon (since the rider is ratcheting with his pedals to stay upright), the CWFE is more of a fixed gear thing. This happens when someone refuses to put a foot down but can’t track stand very well. So, instead, they ride around in little circles or figure eights until the intersection is clear. The danger? Well, apart from looking stupid, you might Lance Armstrong a Chanel handbag with your flop-and-chops and go down, looking even stupider.
Save Your Breath
Some riders shout at every little thing. They yell at every cab that cuts them off. They yell at every clueless tourist on the bridge who stands in their way. They yell at other riders who pass them by surprise while they’re busy yelling at someone else. If this is you, relax. Save your breath. Trust me, you need it. Not for that big hill, or that strenuous bridge crossing. No, you need to save your breath so when you’re confronted with that huge transgression—you know, the driver or pedestrian whose stupidity is radioactive enough to strip the paint from your frame—you can attack them with everything you’ve got.
Be Aware That Cyclists Shoot Death Rays From Their Eyes
If you’ve been riding for awhile, you may have noticed that you shoot death rays from your eyes. The fact is, most of us do. This can be observed when you’re riding across a narrow bridge crossing or bike path with two-way bike traffic. (Or also off-road on narrow, two-way singletrack.) What happens is this: you’re riding along and a newer, less-seasoned rider is coming towards you. As the rider approaches, he or she suddenly and inexplicably starts shaking and wobbling. (While this is most likely due to that cyclist’s fear that he or she may not be able to fit between you and the guard rail, I prefer to attribute it to death rays.) Obviously, this is dangerous to both parties, because the nervous, quivering cyclist is now effectively taking up twice as much lateral space. So if you shoot death rays yourself, learn to recognize potential victims. And if you’re still susceptible to death rays, learn the width of your bars and acquire confidence that you can fit through small spaces. (Or wear dark glasses, grip the bars, and hope for the best.)
Wednesday, August 8, 2007
Fixedgeargallery...of free association.
I'm not all bad. While sometimes I like to check in with fixedgeargallery deliberately to annoy myself, other times I just like to flip through it and let my mind roam free. Oftentimes a bicycle will conjure an image in my mind. It's quite soothing, really. I recommend you try some fixedgear free association yourself if you're feeling on edge. Here are some to get you started:
Whither Sanity? Parsing Online Bicycle Advice
If many fixed-gear bicycles on fixedgeargallery and velospace these days seem to be the product of deranged minds, this may be due at least in part to the guidance they're getting from websites such as that of NYC's Trackstar. Their "Ask Zach" column has always dispensed advice to be taken with a grain of ergot fungus, but this latest one is either top-notch spontaneous bop prosody or the product of a helmetless crash. A fetus of actual advice wrapped in a gooey placenta of madness, it evokes the writings of Charles Manson and David Berkowitz. And like reading Manson and Berkowitz, you start to worry about yourself when it starts actually making sense to you.
Hey, don't get me wrong. I'm right there with him on his anti-elitist, ride it 'til it's broke stance. It's the part about the "tripod doggy" that concerns me. Whether or not he's aware of it he's doing a note-perfect impression of Bob Odenkirk's classic "Ask Manson" bit. And if he is, I say "well done." Unfortunately, though, judging from the bikes we're seeing out there, I don't think his readers are in on the joke. (And keep an eye out on fixedgeargallery for a Univega with pink Deep Vs and Phil Wood hubs.)
Dear Ask Zach, I ride a Univega and I recently sold a frame set that was too big for me for 400 bucks. That gives me enough to cop a set of phil wood hubs I always wanted. When I started shopping around for them, all the shop workers kept giving me dirty looks 'cause I told them they were going on my univega [laced to deepVs]. I guess they were trying to hint that i should get a new frame before i go and spend $350 on hubs. Phils might last forever, so i don't see anything wrong with gettin it before a better frame. What do you think? Should I save for a frame first? If i did I'd have a better frame but then id be using it with my old formula hubs and wouldn't that be the same thing; good frame/cheap hubs...cheap frame/fucking awesome hubs?? -David
Zach: Dear David,
First off, you're missing an important leg to your bicycle tripod doggy. When you leave for work in the morning with your favorite bitch, you have a frame, wheels, and also a component groupo that holds them all together. Everyone loves the diligence of the tripod doggy. He just makes due with what he has and is having a good time of it (The dog with only two legs is in that ridiculous doggy-wheelchair and is pitied like the poor, broken thing he is. But you've got a tripod). The third leg includes the guts of your bike like your headset, bottom bracket and cranks. Each of these three legs, frame-wheels-components is equally important. And I guess if you had a road bike it would just be a four-legged doggy because they aren't making due and having a good time, they just have this fourth leg and look like a normal-ass dog. Yeah, the fourth leg has derailleurs and brake cables 'n junk. It's optional.
Those shop workers have every right to give you dirty looks, give you condescending suggestions, and even raise their eyebrows in a way that suggest you have shit smeared all over your face and you're asking them for "a cherry on top" when, in fact, you just asked them to borrow a pedal wrench. This is because they are bicycle royalty. Think about it: you ride bikes and break them. They supply these bikes and repair them. We're better then you! That's why we get wholesale prices. Bicycle Royalty. However, this "shop worker" in question is a jerk because he doesn't know about tripods, and as royalty he needs to relate to the peasants and earn their trust instead of acting like a insufferable know-it-all. It's called diplomacy. We here at Trackstar are fit to be Kings and a Queen because we lower ourselves to interact with you guys as if we were equals, or something. See? Even right here on this page, I'm giving you advice instead of an order.
Now go and be merry knowing that you are totally being logical by investing in new wheels. If you're going to make an improvement, do it with a splash. Deep V's come in plenty of rad colors and Phil Wood's American practicality and craftsmanship mesh pretty damn well with those rims fit for an Australian meatball sprinting until he coughs up blood like the badass he is. Now, if your Univega has a crack in it that gets bigger every time you hit a pothole or some roadie (I like to call them twinkies when they're wearing the whole matching team kit) looks at it funny, or say your headset is so worn out that you can't ride with no hands or your bottom bracket makes a clanking horrible grinding metal noise like a gerbil-sized rust golem is gnawing on your spindle whenever you put standing pressure on it, then… you might be a red neck. Just kidding about that last part… you might want to invest in your third tripod leg.
Tuesday, August 7, 2007
On Your Right, Hollywood! Five Sure-Fire Cycling Pitches
There haven’t been many mainstream films or TV shows that do cycling justice. I’m not talking about films like “A Sunday In Hell” that skew more towards the cognoscente. I’m talking about the ones intended for mainstream, non-cycling audiences. Some, like “Breaking Away,” work well. Others, like “American Flyers,” and “Quicksilver,” are just various shades of embarrassing.
The latest entry in the cycling film canon is “The Flying Scotsman,” which is the story of Graeme Obree. I have not seen this yet. While it seems like a worthy film, the commercial prospects of a movie that uses the words “Scottish,” “cyclist,” and “washing machine” together in the promotional copy seem limited at best. A Lance Armstrong film has also long been in development, and Matt Damon, Matthew McConaughey, and Gary Busey have variously been attached as stars. But that may never see celluloid, and if it does, I’m not so sure it will be a good thing.
Nonetheless, I think we need more films and TV series about cycling. Here are just a few ideas that I think have vast commercial and dramatic prospects:
Idiocy In Motion: The Ted Shred Story
Logline: In a time when it’s increasingly difficult to get noticed, bicyclist, DJ, and renaissance man of retardation Ted Shred revolutionizes cycling and carves his own identity by riding a Bianchi Pista with a freewheel and no brake.
Why It Will Do Well: This guy goes through Vans like UPS goes through, well, vans. The product placement alone should offset production costs.
Casting: Vanilla Ice or Vin Diesel would be ideal, but really anybody who can convincingly play mentally handicapped. (Is that a swarm of bees I hear? Or is it Oscar buzz?)
Smooth Legs, Hairy Face: Cycling’s Greatest Facial Hair
Logline: Featuring Sheldon Brown, Tom Ritchey, Jonathan Vaughters, 1990s Bob Roll, that bald guy with the beard from Mavic Neutral Support, and many others, this documentary takes a whimsical look at some of cycling’s most captivating beards, moustaches, and sideburns.
Why It Will Do Well: Americans love four things: Sex, Drugs, Rock and Roll, and Facial Hair.
Casting: N/A
The Odd Couple, starring Lennard Zinn and Jobst Brandt
Logline: In this remake of the classic 1968 film, arch-curmudgeon and uber-retrogrouch Jobst Brandt must share an apartment with Velonews technical expert and espouser of all things new and gimmicky Lennard Zinn. Sparks will fly and laughs will abound as neatnik Zinn tries to clean Brandt’s filthy drivetrain. Meanwhile, a drunken Brandt rants about the importance of stress relieving while trying to throw Zinn’s seven pairs of Ksyrium SLs out the window.
Why It Will Do Well: Zinn and Brandt are the Lemmon and Matthau (or Randall and Klugman if you will) of the New Millennium
Casting: D’uh.
On A Steel Horse I Ride
Logline: “Breaking Away” meets “Cool Runnings” by way of “The Commitments” in this sports dramedy about a group of working-class teens in a Welsh mining town who, denied entry into an upper-crust polo club, take up the underground sport of bike polo and ride lugged steel and moxie all the way to the World Bicycle Polo Championships.
Why It Will Do Well: This will be the feel-good sports film of the year. Promotional efforts will include top-tube pads and spoke cards with the film’s logo, fast food chain tie-ins, and die-cast collectibles.
Casting: The team itself will be comprised of unknowns chosen from open auditions, but the part of the coach will be played by either Daniel Day Lewis or Anthony Hopkins. The evil rich team’s coach will be played by Dame Judy Dench.
Pedicab
Logline: “Taxi” meets “Friends” in this sitcom set in a pedicab depot in New York City, in which five recent private college graduates from wealthy families turned pedicab drivers grapple with love, life, and liberal politics while trying to make it in the big city.
Why It Will Do Well: Pedicab drivers are the bike messengers of the New Millennium.
Casting: Fresh faces would do best here, but Danny DeVito reprising his dispatcher role would be priceless. Expect walk-ons by Al Gore.
The latest entry in the cycling film canon is “The Flying Scotsman,” which is the story of Graeme Obree. I have not seen this yet. While it seems like a worthy film, the commercial prospects of a movie that uses the words “Scottish,” “cyclist,” and “washing machine” together in the promotional copy seem limited at best. A Lance Armstrong film has also long been in development, and Matt Damon, Matthew McConaughey, and Gary Busey have variously been attached as stars. But that may never see celluloid, and if it does, I’m not so sure it will be a good thing.
Nonetheless, I think we need more films and TV series about cycling. Here are just a few ideas that I think have vast commercial and dramatic prospects:
Idiocy In Motion: The Ted Shred Story
Logline: In a time when it’s increasingly difficult to get noticed, bicyclist, DJ, and renaissance man of retardation Ted Shred revolutionizes cycling and carves his own identity by riding a Bianchi Pista with a freewheel and no brake.
Why It Will Do Well: This guy goes through Vans like UPS goes through, well, vans. The product placement alone should offset production costs.
Casting: Vanilla Ice or Vin Diesel would be ideal, but really anybody who can convincingly play mentally handicapped. (Is that a swarm of bees I hear? Or is it Oscar buzz?)
Smooth Legs, Hairy Face: Cycling’s Greatest Facial Hair
Logline: Featuring Sheldon Brown, Tom Ritchey, Jonathan Vaughters, 1990s Bob Roll, that bald guy with the beard from Mavic Neutral Support, and many others, this documentary takes a whimsical look at some of cycling’s most captivating beards, moustaches, and sideburns.
Why It Will Do Well: Americans love four things: Sex, Drugs, Rock and Roll, and Facial Hair.
Casting: N/A
The Odd Couple, starring Lennard Zinn and Jobst Brandt
Logline: In this remake of the classic 1968 film, arch-curmudgeon and uber-retrogrouch Jobst Brandt must share an apartment with Velonews technical expert and espouser of all things new and gimmicky Lennard Zinn. Sparks will fly and laughs will abound as neatnik Zinn tries to clean Brandt’s filthy drivetrain. Meanwhile, a drunken Brandt rants about the importance of stress relieving while trying to throw Zinn’s seven pairs of Ksyrium SLs out the window.
Why It Will Do Well: Zinn and Brandt are the Lemmon and Matthau (or Randall and Klugman if you will) of the New Millennium
Casting: D’uh.
On A Steel Horse I Ride
Logline: “Breaking Away” meets “Cool Runnings” by way of “The Commitments” in this sports dramedy about a group of working-class teens in a Welsh mining town who, denied entry into an upper-crust polo club, take up the underground sport of bike polo and ride lugged steel and moxie all the way to the World Bicycle Polo Championships.
Why It Will Do Well: This will be the feel-good sports film of the year. Promotional efforts will include top-tube pads and spoke cards with the film’s logo, fast food chain tie-ins, and die-cast collectibles.
Casting: The team itself will be comprised of unknowns chosen from open auditions, but the part of the coach will be played by either Daniel Day Lewis or Anthony Hopkins. The evil rich team’s coach will be played by Dame Judy Dench.
Pedicab
Logline: “Taxi” meets “Friends” in this sitcom set in a pedicab depot in New York City, in which five recent private college graduates from wealthy families turned pedicab drivers grapple with love, life, and liberal politics while trying to make it in the big city.
Why It Will Do Well: Pedicab drivers are the bike messengers of the New Millennium.
Casting: Fresh faces would do best here, but Danny DeVito reprising his dispatcher role would be priceless. Expect walk-ons by Al Gore.
Monday, August 6, 2007
Worst of NYC Craigslist Bike Ads #16
Now, I wouldn't normally find simple spelling errors grounds for highlighting a Craigslist ad. While I'm a bike snob, I'm actually not that picky about spelling and grammar. We all make mistakes, and I find people who are poor spellers or grammarians generally make up for it in other areas.
However, when you're selling a certain caliber of bicycle, a commensurate level of attention to detail is required. I'm not talking about typos, or errors in punctuation. I'm not even talking about evergreen mistakes like using "break" instead of "brake," or "petal" instead of "pedal." I'm talking about being able to reproduce the maker of the bicycle in print accurately at least one time in the ad.
With this ad, it's not about the bike. It's about wanton cluelessness:
RICHARD SACKS, Circa 1980 - $2000 [original URL: http://newyork.craigslist.org/wch/bik/390742323.html]
Reply to: [deleted]
Date: 2007-08-06, 4:04PM EDT
Racing bicycle, hand built by Richard Sacks circa 1980. Built for a 5'10" man who treated it like his own child! He even had it repainted by Sack's shop shortly before he had to to stop riding it, about 1994. Frame meassures 22" (55-6cm) from center to center along the most vertical side of the frame. Most of the equipment is Campagnola except for:
Dura-Ace brake levers
Cinelli headset and axles
Flyte (selle Italia) seat
Look pedals
Wheel hubs are Campanola, rims say Araya Aero 1 World Champion
For more information call [deleted]
However, when you're selling a certain caliber of bicycle, a commensurate level of attention to detail is required. I'm not talking about typos, or errors in punctuation. I'm not even talking about evergreen mistakes like using "break" instead of "brake," or "petal" instead of "pedal." I'm talking about being able to reproduce the maker of the bicycle in print accurately at least one time in the ad.
With this ad, it's not about the bike. It's about wanton cluelessness:
RICHARD SACKS, Circa 1980 - $2000 [original URL: http://newyork.craigslist.org/wch/bik/390742323.html]
Reply to: [deleted]
Date: 2007-08-06, 4:04PM EDT
Racing bicycle, hand built by Richard Sacks circa 1980. Built for a 5'10" man who treated it like his own child! He even had it repainted by Sack's shop shortly before he had to to stop riding it, about 1994. Frame meassures 22" (55-6cm) from center to center along the most vertical side of the frame. Most of the equipment is Campagnola except for:
Dura-Ace brake levers
Cinelli headset and axles
Flyte (selle Italia) seat
Look pedals
Wheel hubs are Campanola, rims say Araya Aero 1 World Champion
For more information call [deleted]
OK, what kind of blissful plane of ignorance must you reside on to misspell Richard Sachs' name so consistenly despite not only having access to the bike, but also having included a pretty decent photo of the downtube with the correct spelling in bright yellow? (If you don't know where the downtube is, that's the one next to "the most vertical side of the frame.")
It's unclear from the ad whether this guy actually owns this bike or is selling it for someone else, but if it is his and he did "treat it like [his] own child" then this bike must be a home-schooled idiot. Of course, you'd expect that this is also the kind of person who for some reason is compelled to feminize Campagnolo, and true to form he does not disappoint. There's also the subtler misspelling of Flite as "Flyte" in reference to the saddle, which almost wouldn't be worth mentioning if the actual ad didn't also include a close-up of the saddle itself, with the word "Flite" right there on the nose in yellow letters.
I don't know, maybe I'm being too hard on this guy. Maybe he's color-blind and can't see yellow. But on the off-chance he's not and is simply an idiot, I'd act now. You may be able to get a bargain on a real live Sacks!
What I Learned On My Summer Vacation
A little over a week ago I left town a seething, petty, and judgmental person. But over the course of my vacation, the layers of disgust and psychic grime began to wash off. Gradually, without even realizing it was happening, I grew able to look at people and things (yes, bikes included) without finding them infuriating. In fact, the only reason I know now that this has happened is that since my return I've been reading my past posts and asking myself, "Who is this hateful person?"
Well, I'm happy to announce I've changed. In fact, I did a little test to prove it to myself. I went over to Velospace and Fixedgeargallery and checked out some of the recent entries. And like Alex in "A Clockwork Orange" after his treatement, I was simply unable to engage in hateful, spiteful behavior. And this was no easy test, either. Here are some examples of the bikes that taunted me, and that I gamely embraced with my new-found bike love:
This bike sports an insouciant bandana in solidarity with the "gangstas" the owner has seen while traveling briskly through bad neighborhoods in a car. It looks like it belongs to Jamie Kennedy from "Malibu's Most Wanted." And there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. Jamie Kennedy is a talented and funny actor.
OK, if I haven't convinced you yet that I'm cured, this should do the trick. I mean, if I wasn't would I be able to resist making a comment about the purple Velocitys which set off the purple saddle and purple computer mount which makes the computer itself look like a fly being eaten by the ugliest frog you've ever seen? Seriously, if I wasn't a new and kinder person I'd be on the phone with White Industries right now demanding that they send somebody to this person's house to take these components back before this horrid thing hurts somebody. I'd also say that if I had to choose between this frame and a Softride I'd have to take the coward's way out by pouring gasoline over myself and going to a barbecue. Yes, this bike does raise questions. Chief among them: are the people at Corratec unable to shorten seat stays and weld them where they belong?!? Yet, while this thing looks like it's about to explode in a random burst of tubing, purple components, and cacophonous sounds like a cuckoo clock striking twelve, or a cartoon character getting his toe caught in a mousetrap, looking at it only makes me feel warm and quivery inside.
Well, I'm happy to announce I've changed. In fact, I did a little test to prove it to myself. I went over to Velospace and Fixedgeargallery and checked out some of the recent entries. And like Alex in "A Clockwork Orange" after his treatement, I was simply unable to engage in hateful, spiteful behavior. And this was no easy test, either. Here are some examples of the bikes that taunted me, and that I gamely embraced with my new-found bike love:
I love that this bike is whimsically hanging from a set of monkey bars that set off its delightfully playful yellow and green color scheme. And when I take the red toe straps into account, it is tempting to consider the possibility that the owner chose these colors to show his allegiance to either Guyana, Bolivia, Ghana, or Togo. I love also that, while it is brakeless, it seems to have the stem shifters still attached. I also find the tiny BCD of the crankset endearing, and think the possibility that the yellow IROC in the background also belongs to the owner is exciting and thought-provoking. But most of all, I love the fact that another person is riding, and that bikes are fun! Yay!
Here's another one that in no way pissed me off. Like the last one, this one also has a crankset with a small BCD running a chainring that would be equally at home on a table saw. And I didn't mind the fact that the owner is using one of those delightful threaded-to-threadless adapters so he can use his shiny, pretty gold threadless stem that matches his shiny, pretty gold bars and shiny, pretty gold chain. I mean, what else do you do when you can't find a gold quill stem? And why shouldn't a drive chain be pretty and shiny, anyway? Of course there was a time before my vacation when I might make fun of the saddle, which does kind of look like a slice of cheese melting on top of a mop handle, you've got to admit; or the riser bars, which together with the seat angle probably make the rider's elbows stick out so it looks like he's doing some kind of chicken dance while he's riding. But I'm not going to do that. Nor am I going to mock the Aerospokes, which Nashbar couldn't give away until they became fashionable after enough people noticed messengers using them on the front because a chain passes more easily through them than through wire spokes and decided it looked cool. (I think the Aerospoke people were about to jump off a bridge with their own wheels tied around their necks when someone from the warehouse came running to tell them that these things were finally moving.) And, finally, I find the owner's mock inner-city vernacular clever and amusing. Ha! The word "wigger" is funny!
Why not post a picture of an unbuilt frame and fork on a bicycle gallery? I mean, nobody's riding the built bikes either. I hope this heralds a day when people will simply bring their NJS frames along to bars with them instead of building them and locking them outside. Why risk theft while posing?
That may have sounded ironic, but it's not. I mean it sincerely. It's great that more people are not riding.
This bike doesn't make me angry at all either. But it does make me concerned. What if the rider's tongue should somehow make contact with the bars? He'll never get it off! It'll be like "A Christmas Story."
This bike sports an insouciant bandana in solidarity with the "gangstas" the owner has seen while traveling briskly through bad neighborhoods in a car. It looks like it belongs to Jamie Kennedy from "Malibu's Most Wanted." And there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. Jamie Kennedy is a talented and funny actor.
OK, if I haven't convinced you yet that I'm cured, this should do the trick. I mean, if I wasn't would I be able to resist making a comment about the purple Velocitys which set off the purple saddle and purple computer mount which makes the computer itself look like a fly being eaten by the ugliest frog you've ever seen? Seriously, if I wasn't a new and kinder person I'd be on the phone with White Industries right now demanding that they send somebody to this person's house to take these components back before this horrid thing hurts somebody. I'd also say that if I had to choose between this frame and a Softride I'd have to take the coward's way out by pouring gasoline over myself and going to a barbecue. Yes, this bike does raise questions. Chief among them: are the people at Corratec unable to shorten seat stays and weld them where they belong?!? Yet, while this thing looks like it's about to explode in a random burst of tubing, purple components, and cacophonous sounds like a cuckoo clock striking twelve, or a cartoon character getting his toe caught in a mousetrap, looking at it only makes me feel warm and quivery inside.
Though it's possible I may just be about to throw up.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
