Friday, August 10, 2007

Worst of NYC Craiglist: More Smarmy Bike Love

Every so often, instead of wading through the congealing muck of the Craigslist bicycles section, I like to go to “Missed Connections” and do a search for “bike.” The cynical side of me is amused at the notion of people riding around on vanity bikes, desperately hoping to be noticed. The cyclist in me enjoys seeing bikes in an unexpected context. (Like when you’re watching random TV show or movie and something bike-related comes up.) And, yes, the tiny poppy seed of sentimentality lodged deep inside my irascible, charred, and toxic soul does hope that somewhere out there two people on bikes will find each-other and find some measure of fulfillment. (At least until their nascent love matures into mutual disgust.)

But mostly I stumbled upon this awhile back and figured “Missed Connections” would be a good place to laugh at people. (And no, I would never place a fake ad on Craigslist. I am a curmudgeon, but I'm not a troll.)

Hott Bushwick Bike Commute - m4w - 25
Reply to: [deleted]

Date: 2007-08-09, 10:39PM EDT

Me: Hot cyclist on custom track bike that I hand built, wearing short shorts, bright colors, and lightly covered in sweat. Monday through Friday, 8:10-8:30am.

You: Every single babe that I see heading down the street or up the Williamsburg Bridge with a nice ass, chiseled calves, and tight clothes. Cyclists preferred.

Feel free to give me the updown, followed by your choice in cat calls. Don't worry, I wont bite. I just want to know who is worth stopping for. MEOW!

Cycling has long needed its own Leon Phelps, and we may have finally found him. The veracity of this post is questionable, since if he were for real I’d think he’d be more specific about his route. But for any ladies out there in the ‘Wick hoping he is, keep your eyes open for Richard Simmons on a track bike.

Messenger boy and girl in the window - w4m - 21 (East Village)
Reply to: [deleted]

Date: 2007-08-08, 9:17PM EDT

Looking for the bike messenger who chained his bike to the fence in front of my window. Showed up twice this evening [since 8pm] and you are super cute. You had a red shirt on. Please see this.

8pm? That is not a messenger, that is a marijuana delivery person.

pink bike celeste handle bar - m4w
Reply to: [deleted]

Date: 2007-08-08, 3:03AM EDT

it seemed like i was seeing a lot of you for a while. we were riding in the same direction towards greenpoint on kent several times. i said good morning to you once as i was passing by. then we both had to wait on the polaski bridge one afternoon a couple of weeks ago while a boat was passing through. we mostly talked about you bike. i didn't ask for your number because i was sure i'd see you again soon. where have you been?

Sounds like a passionate conversation. Your insights into her bike must have really captivated her. Savor your memories of the Pulaski bridge and the garbage scow plying the unctuous waters of Newtown creek. Unfortunately, you probably won’t ever see her again because she’s changed her route to avoid you. That scow has sailed. (You could always try contacting the girl looking for the weed delivery service guy, though. Who knows?)


The Cajun Boy said...

Thanks for the linkage.

Lovingly yours,
The Troll

Anonymous said...


Here's a free one for you...have at it:

Anonymous said...

Dear Snob, I would love to see you write your own comments for these guys:

This is the site of some style maven photographer's blog.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 1:32pm,

Hey, you found my other blog!

Now that the "messenger chic" bubble has about popped I have a bad feeling "Vintage Bike Man" is going to be next.

Anonymous said...

I love you, thanks for writing! =]

Anonymous said...

Haha. Well I prefer "Vintage" over hipster fancyboys, myself. And roadies over both. Except, the ones that would bring a $2000 wheelset to a PP race.

Anonymous said...

Uh...tight lycra dude w/ oversize downtube & nice bottom bracket looking for chick w/ high pressure tubes & pumping attitude.
Objective: Mixte company & sidi times.
Contact: blah, blah,blah.

Anonymous said...

I have to admit that I drink the "vintage" Kool Aid, but for me it's more of a practical thing. I love my wool jersey and lugged steel and quill stems, but there is such thing as overdoing it. You won't see me expounding the virtues of cottered cranks or anything. I'll rarely pay big money for a vintage bit if there's a perfectly good new part on Nashbar on closeout. And shoot me if I ever chide your commuter bike for not being "period-correct."

Anonymous said...

strange that someone would link tobias's photo blog on a thread about missed connections.
diss away, i can take it. yup thats me in the yellow shirt, having fun.
aint that what its about ? hmmm?
fun is fun.. lest you forget that

Anonymous said...

ya, having fun on bikes is really lame. I'd much rather post anonymous comments on blogs. Were you that kid on the scooter?

Anonymous said...

Me: sweaty, stinky and tired from my commute home.

You: Fixie emo messenger wannabe heckling my gears and brake cables while I waited for the light to change.

I love being derided for choosing to bike to work. Seriously, couldn't you see my boner through my bike shorts? And I'm not even gay! Same time tomorrow?

Unknown said...

Mixte company is fine company, thank you!

Anonymous said...

I have a question why does the bike snob with no job only post during office hours? Who is paying you to write it? Who has a blog they only update at work, never on weekends, never after hours?

Anonymous said...

Anon: so you wanna play judge & jury for what you would extrapolate to be a wrong?

How amusing!

'What game play?' as Davie Z. might say.

mindtron said...

how cute? there is some bike love in the MPLS too:

Anonymous said...

Feelings are getting hurt on a regular basis here.... and that means BSNYC has bitten off a big piece of The Truth. Now lets watch him masticate it, swallow it, and pass it through his digestive tract.

Hey, does anyone else realize that riding your bike for miles and miles over varied terrain on a regular basis is FUN?! Perhaps it is almost as fun as posing with your bike for pretty pictures.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 8/11 6:55pm,

Excellent question--it's probably written by someone who doesn't let his blog interfere with his riding life.


Anonymous said...

chazu: -- now i know why i prefer papaya or pineapple.

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