I'll gladly pay you Tuesday for a bicycle today.

I may not have bloggerated yesterday, but I can assure you I was far from idle.  Remember a few weeks back I mentioned how Marin has this bike called the Pine Mountain 1, and how they were going to let me try one?

No?  You don't remember?  Well, it doesn't matter.  The important part is that yesterday I fired up THE CAR THE BANK OWNS UNTIL I FINISH PAYING THEM BACK and piloted it on up to Sierra Cycles in Hartsdale, where shop owner Francisco Sierra had a Pine Mountain 1 waiting for me courtesy of Marin:

(Amazing the stuff that gets caught by Street View...)

The Pine Mountain 1 is one of the new breed of "27.5+" bikes, which mean's it's basically got 650b wheels with really wide tires--2.9" ones to be exact, which is not "fat bike" fat, but still pretty voluminous.  Other than the of-the-moment wheel size, the bike is otherwise fairly traditional component-wise, and I'm sure the professional bike reviewers over at VeloNews would be horrified to learn it's even equipped with quick-release hubs instead of thru-axles.  I, on the other hand, was rather relieved, because it meant I'd be able to throw it onto the roof rack without any adapters.  What I didn't account for, however, was the rear wheel strap, which wasn't quite long enough to wrap around the plus-sized tire and catch the ratcheting buckle.  As I studied the problem while scratching my head and grunting, it soon it dawned on me that when I can't button my pants (which is often) I just suck in my gut.  So I applied this concept to the tire and kept letting out air until the buckle finally caught:

Guess I need some extra-long wheel straps, which of course is a thing now, but I'm in no particular hurry because I plan to spend as little time driving the bike around as possible.  Instead, I plan to ride it, and I'll report back as soon as I have:

Of course, until I've done so I should refrain from saying anything positive about it, but I will anyway:

1) It's made of metal;

2) It's only $989 for the whole bike (keep in mind the mainstream cycling press now considers $5,000 to be a "bargain");

3) It matches my WorkCycles FR8:

So really, how bad could it be?

Worst case scenario is I use it as a dedicated canvassing bike:

Bike canvassing is one way our organizers in NH help reduce the use of fossil fuels while reaching voters. #fitn pic.twitter.com/lLOsrDq8Jl

— Bernie Sanders (@BernieSanders) November 10, 2015

Wow, I can't believe nobody asked the obvious question:

Especially when the subject of tire pressure figured so prominently in the debate:

Speaking of commie socialist bleeding-heart liberals, if you never met a single cyclist in your entire life and everything you knew about them came from reading newspapers, you could be forgiven for assuming there are only two kinds of people in this country who ride bikes: 1) commie socialist bleeding-heart liberals who shop at food coops and canvass by bike for other commie socialist bleeding-heart liberals; 2) adrenaline-addled bike messenger types whose saddles are sharp as razors and who always play to roll.

Well, for better or worse you can now add a third stereotype, and that's the overly touchy and extremely violent food delivery person:

The delivery man was starting to chain his bike to the awning in front of 457 W. 57th St. at 5:45 p.m. on Nov. 2, when the 59-year-old super told him he wasn't allowed, police and building employees said.

The man flew into a rage, spat on the woman and punched her in the jaw. When she fell to the ground, he then kicked her in the stomach, police said.

He used his bike chain to whip her, a police source said.

Holy crap.

Surprisingly the article doesn't mention whether either party was wearing a helme(n)t, though it does say GrubHub now has its own team of delivery workers:

The online food delivery service began employing its own team of delivery workers earlier this year as part of a pilot program.

Kashkaval employees confirmed that the man picked up food from them, and said they had never seen him before. Police came to interview them after the attack, they said.

What?  Restaurants have no idea who's even delivering their food anymore and now this happens?  I can't believe the new sharing economy would let us down like this!

Yes, the delivery guy didn't beat up that building super.  He "disrupted" her.

At the very least, if this particular delivery person can't handle the stress of parking a bicycle in New York City then he should at least ride a folding bike instead.  Sure, it's just one more thing to carry when you're in a hurry and already laden with the chicken adana (warning: spicy!) from Kashkaval Garden.  But now there's the Hummingbird, which only weighs slightly more than the kale piyaz (great for sharing, please specify size of your party):

 

I was alerted to the Hummingbird by a reader named Christopher who saw it here, but all you really need to know is that it's supposedly the world's lightest folding bike, it's made of crabon, and it seems to marry (or, if you prefer, steal) the rear-wheel auto-fellatio tuck of the Brompton and the felling-a-sapling steering column fold of the Dahon:

Here's what the creators have to say:

People who own folding bikes tend to be commuters. They cycle to and from their offices, folding their bikes and getting on the tube or bus along the way. It seems strange that there are no lightweight folding bikes on the market right now, since this is the most important feature of a folding bike.

True, but it doesn't seem to fold up nearly as small as a Brompton, and size is more important than weight when you're trying to bring a bike with you onto a bus or train:

If it was just about weight we could all commute on Specialized S-Wanks Venge-Schmenges and be done with it.

Lastly, please join me in congratulating World Champion Peter Sagan on this, the occasion of his nuptials.  By all accounts it as a typical Slovakian wedding.  For example, the bride and groom both had matching coiffures:

They also tore apart a live dove and threw its carcass to the bridesmaids:

Whoever catches it will be the next to be married...to the groom.

And lastly, it should go without saying that Sagan rode a miniature pennyfarthing with bum bars across a tightrope:

I WISH YOU ALL THE BEST. CONGRATULATIONS. @petosagan pic.twitter.com/300TWZ9vRg

— Nina Sagannnnnnnnnnn (@ninadu40) November 11, 2015

If you want to get them a gift, they're registered at Medieval Times.