Wednesday, October 7, 2015

"Shoal me, shoal me, shoal me..."

Further to yesterday's post, an astute commenter pointed out that the inventor of the revolving bar end appears to be the very same person who invented that fixie periscope:


Which is very possibly one of the dumbest cycling accessories ever conceived:


So at this point, he's invented a posture girdle, a bike periscope, and a pair of rotating bar ends, all of which suggests to me that he should forget trying to invent stuff and just do a Kickstarter to raise money for the back surgery he so obviously needs.

Also, it's worth noting that he invented the bike periscope in Brooklyn, and he invented the bar ends in Portland.  This confused me, but according to his bio he lives in both places:

I am an avid bike rider with a penchant for Burger King. I graduated with a business degree from Texas A&M university so that also makes me a bit of a redneck. I am fortunate enough to split my time between Portland, Oregon and NYC.

Self-conscious appreciation for fast food aside, I believe they call this being "bi-artisanal."

Anyway, Brooklyn's insufferable enough, so I think if I had to go back and forth between there and Portland I'd lose my fucking mind.

A reality that consists of toggling between two of the most affected places in the United States sounds like some nightmarish hybrid of "Twelve Monkeys" and a Wes Anderson film.

Speaking of cities and superlatives, apparently London is the most Strava-addled city on the planet:


The world's number one activity tracker has crowned London as the most active city on its network (perhaps unsurprising given its nearly nine million citizens), with more than seven million rides logged over the 12-month data capture. The average distance undertaken by Strava-savvy London riders was 25.9km (16.1 miles) with an average speed of 22.5km/h (13.98mph) and the average elevation change coming in at 644ft (196.3m). The data also showed that 8,639 London cycling commutes are logged on Strava every single day and that Tuesday is the most popular day to take to the saddle.

Translation: your ass is gonna get Cat 6-ed in London on a Tuesday.

In second place was Amsterdam with 2,760,418 cycle activities logged over the last 12 months and San Francisco third with 2,380,633 activities. Given that each of these cities is only around a tenth the size of London, cyclists who live there probably have cause to argue that they are, in fact, rather more active than those in the UK capital.

Oh snap!

Well, this may be true, but I will say that London is probably the Cat 6-iest city I've ever visited:


(♩♫♪ "And if a double-decker bus..."♩♫♩)

Pancake-flat Amsterdam clocked the fastest average speed per ride with 25.6km/h (15.9mph) while Milan cyclists ride the longest, with an average ride length of 54.2km (33.67 miles). Barcelona has the hilliest terrain, with cyclists climbing a leg burning average of 2,531ft (771.5m) per ride.

Note how the spiteful article qualifies Amsterdam's obvious Strava superiority by mentioning that the city is flat, yet it totally fails to mention that they're also riding 70 lb bakfietsen into 20 mph headwinds while Londoners ride expensive Fred chariots and sprightly Bromptons.

Then again, in London's defense, their pollution masks are probably slowing them down:


Is a mask as good a safety precaution as a helmet?

Sure, inasmuch as they're both pretty much useless when you get run over.

Maybe Volkswagen should buy one of these for everybody on the planet.

Meanwhile, here's how my hometown stacked up in the Strava genital-measuring contest:

NYC average speed: 21.7km/h  
NYC average distance: 28km
NYC average elevation: 208.8m

Though I expect those numbers to go up now that Ben Serotta is designing our Citi Bikes.

Speaking of cycling in New York City, a heated discussion took place yesterday in the local media on the subject of shoaling:


Though as the inventor of the term I suggest we all withhold our opinions until Donald Trump weighs in.

The guy knows a lot about bikes.

I'd also be interested to hear what Trump has to say about the new SuperX, which sounds like the name of an important figure from the Black Power movement but is really just a cyclocross bike from Cannondale--so basically the total opposite:


A friend of mine alerted me to this and I'm amazed at how positively wank-tastic and weenie-riffic a sport that basically involves riding around on grass for no more than an hour at a time has become in the space of just a few years.  First of all, despite being over $5,000, the reviewer calls it a "decent bargain."  Then he takes it to task for having a short-cage derailleur (it's a racing bike, for Trump's sake) and for not having thru-axles:

According to Cannondale’s representatives, the company uses the quick-release system because it combines light weight, simplicity of use, and solid performance, though future inclusion of thru-axles wasn’t ruled out. 

Wait, they specced the bike with something that's light, simple, works really well, and is damn near universal?

What morons!

And I'm not sure why it even needs thru-axles, since it seems to do just fine without them:

Dive hard into a corner, launch out of it, and the SuperX is right there with you. That sort of confident handling means the frame combines the right amount of flex for compliance and stiffness for power transfer.

[Pssst: don't tell anybody, but every bike is "right there with you" when you come out of a corner, unless you fall off of it.]

Even the reviewer admits the thru-axles don't make a difference--though apparently you need them anyway because "Boost 148:"

But there is one solid reason to switch to thru-axles even if the axles themselves don’t do much to improve performance: Boost 148 only comes in a thru-axle option, and in our experience, Boost works.

It's true, you gotta have the Boost 148.

What, you don't have Boost 148?

Come on, you need the Boost 148.

Just one thing:

What the hell is Boost 148?!?

At first I thought it was a movie, like Turk 182:



Fun Fact: "Turk 182" was written by inveterate bike-hater and complete dolt, Pete Hamill's Brother, who you may remember as the bonehead who hates those damn bike lanes, and who wrote this screed excoriating the new 25mph speed limit:

“I’m gonna be late,” my son said.

“This clown is slower than a glacier,” I screamed.

I honked. The guy didn’t accelerate. “He has two speeds,” I shouted. “Drop dead and rigor mortis.”

My speedometer read: 25 mph.

And I suddenly realized that come Nov. 7, this was going to be the speed limit in New York City. Bloomberg banned smoking and trans fats and de Blasio was gonna make us the City That Never Speeds.

Turning right onto three-lane Horace Harding Expressway, I passed the slowpoke, shot him a dirty look, and raced my kid to school just before the morning bell.

It's strange he's so averse to road safety considering people in his life keep getting mowed down left and right:

I have a teenage son who will be taking driver’s ed this year. I remind my kid daily about his Aunt Donna and his two cousins who no longer have a mother.

In the past couple of years, several fellow students at his high school were killed speeding or drag racing. I will discuss with him those four young women whose families will be burying them before they lived the best years of their lives because of a treacherous cocktail of gasoline and alcohol.

Then again, I suppose it's not so strange, given that he's a fucking idiot.

But yeah, Boost 148 isn't a movie, it's the new mountain bike standard, which you now need on a cyclocross bike for some reason:


I can't believe I'm still riding around on mountain bikes with 135mm spacing.

I'd better upgrade immediately.


134 comments:

Anonymous said...

Rapha!

Old timer said...

Huh? What?

N/A said...

Good morning to the scranuses.

Lucas Tarr said...

The post

Spokey said...


well finally top tennis and pre-ted

Serial Retrogrouch said...

topus tenus!

N/A said...

"Ahaha, look at that Fuck-O riding on 135's! He is having a sub-par riding experience." is what all the wankers will be saying!

Victor Kaminski said...

vsk said ...


Shoal away, the dew ...


vsk

Cheapo said...

Made it. I think.

Victor Kaminski said...

vsk said ...

Insufferable Brooklyn:

My friend doing cater/waiter stuff at a Park Slope kiddy birthday party (the indignity of doing anything in Park Slope). Commie helicopter parent says to him "Is there meat in that?" to which he replied "Yes, ... those are meatballs...".

vsk

Spokey said...

I am fortunate enough to split my time between Portland, Oregon and NYC.

yes. fortunate if the alternative is to live in an isis base camp.

Anonymous said...

I want that shirt from yesterday's post!

Serial Retrogrouch said...

...WCR, you have FRIEND(S)? and they send you things? we're going to need some proof.

N/A said...

I like to think that we all have a friend in Snobie. When you look back through the dusty trails of life and only see one set of bikecycle track-marks, that's where Wildcat Rock Machine carried you through the gnarly single-track of life.

N/A said...

Usage question: Is it still OK to call something gnarly, or must it be shortened to "gnar" to have any validity?

BamaPhred said...

A penchant for Burger King indeed.
Scranus

BamaPhred said...

I tend to think of gnar as a noun, and gnarly as a descriptive. But would you say gnarly gnar? Or the gnar gnar? I don't think so, but then there's Snarf Snarf.

Gideon said...

Bike Snob

Don't like what Gothamist did with shoaling. Don't like it at all. Also, I shoal like mad as long as me getting through the cross walk does not necessitate me cutting off a pedestrian with less than 10-15 feet to spare. I shoal because; I GOT PLACES TO BE; There is no bike box; damn pedestrians will be in the cross walk on green anyway - need my headstart on cars etc etc. If we are to advocate for an Idaho stop, then we probably need to redefine shoaling - there could be an impending conflict between those two concepts. If I shoal, then I get to the other side of the crosswalk, turn my bike sideways and wait; there is not leapfrogging into the intersection - beyond that first.

Liked your first book, but this shoaling thing gives me the barfs, and I can't reconcile my pleasure in reading your work, and our difference on this one subject - as my sensibilities are both few and rigid. The world is a cold place, and so that I may feel more comfortable, please put out a statement expressing your regret re: the creation of the term - and disowning it forever more.

Spokey said...


i already have a 145 axle. can i keep that? or should i upgrade or die?

BikeSnobNYC said...

Gideon,

Never! And the shoaling just gets stupid when the shoal is extending out into oncoming traffic, which, I mean, come on.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Spokey said...

148 doesn't exist. if sir shelly doesn't have it, it ain't

http://www.sheldonbrown.com/frame-spacing.html

Anonymous said...

Can we get a Kickstarter for the Snob approved "I used to be a biek messenger" t-shirt?

Game Gamely Gamer said...

Gnar.

P. Bateman said...

i love that its called BOOST 148. that be some good m'ARrrr-keting right there matey.

just saying its a new 148 standard isn't very compelling, but implying you'll get a BOOST?!!!

hell yeah your wallet will get boosted.

and seems like it would be fine to pull up next to people if there is an ample amount of room, but yeah, cutting the line seems a little rude and dick. oh wait...new yorkers. nevermind.

Anonymous said...

Why do Kick Starter when this already exists?

Gideon said...

touche

bad boy of the north said...

beware of rocky shoals!shoal'nuff.

Winky said...

It's weird how bikes just keep getting larger. Bigger wheels, ever-fatter tyres, ever-bigger BBs , wider axle spacing, longer head-tubes, ludicrously wide handlebars (on MTB at least - roadies are going a bit narrower - thanks AH, perhaps)

samh said...

Always. Be. Shaolin.

Buffalo Bill said...

If I had a fatbike, I'd be shoaling all the time.

babble on said...

N/A - Gnar is so last millennium. It's sick these days.

And shoaling is tres pass├ę, too. It's more fun to swoosh right past the people at the stop line the very moment the light goes green. What shall we all call that move, Wildcat?

Anonymous said...

I love to attempt a 'clipped in' trackstand pause among fellow shoaling cyclists.

In a city like Madison, WI - home to more than 58,000 college students, thankfully it's known that those gas guzzling steel coffins wait for the cyclists/pedestrians...

Snob do you have a special term for this rare breed of 'shoaling' participant who tries valiantly to avoid putting a foot down?

GreySpoke said...

Strava: Measuring genitals since 2009

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 12:09pm,

In my experience people who refuse to put a foot down but suck at trackstanding invariably become "circlers," riding around the crosswalk in circles like idiots until the light changes.

--Wildcat Etc.

janinedm said...

Circlers are embarrassing. It's like when you go see a terrible person wearing a t-shirt for a band you love.

Schisthead said...

Upgrade, upgrade--those who cry upgrade will soon regret how much they just paid.


leroy said...

My dog suggests the track stand challenged among us who go round and round while waiting for a light might properly be referred to as "circle jerks."

If that term is taken, he suggests "land sharks."

The King of Park Slope said...

Premium Rushmore

janinedm said...

I like land shark, because then when you see someone who looks like they're about to circle the crosswalk and they don't, you can call them "just a dolphin ma'am."

JLRB said...

Boost? I know of the nutrition drink Boost and then there is the mobile phone carrier Boost , and you can use these tricks to Boost your memory but what does that have to do with overpriced bikecycle parts and not having your bike leave you in a turn?

JLRB said...

I think the correct term is Circlists

theJimboner said...

Mister Rogers... an older Fred who has mellowed over time and many miles.

I_see_what_you_did_there said...

Point of clarification, The world's number one activity tracker is the NSA and perhaps GCHQ.

Back to whatever it was you were doing.

Esteemed CommentorDaddoOne said...

Shoalers suck.

P. Bateman said...


Fred + going round in circles + unhappy face of dissatisfaction of those who have to observe this dummy behavior

= Frownders

I_see_what_You_Did_There said...

Gideon,

Your self-importance is awesome bro! Now GTFO the crosswalks. That's where people walk.

Charles said...

wank-tastic and weenie-riffic

Nice!! My day would be made to hear Robin from Adam West era Batman say these words.

balls™ said...

I'm trying hard not to come up with an Aggie joke for bad-back-kick-starter-guy.

How much can a person bring in through failed kick-starter ventures? Can you just keep raising money while never getting past the vaporware stage and still keep the money?

Freddy Murcks said...

I used to "race" CX and I loved it because it was a bunch of freaks (and I don't mean affected Portland "freaks" - I mean actual weird people) on cobbled together equipment and everybody had fun. Now CX has been taken over by a bunch of assholes. Having a $5000 bike and a spare $5000 bike is pretty much the starting point for those fuckOs. So of course CannonSnail should have used through axles with their dick break equipped bikecycle, because today's CX racer would never dream of doing a quick wheel change mid-race. That's what the spare $5000 bike is for.

As it stands, I am going to stick with the MTBing and leave the CX to the roadie assholes.

There is a light that never goes out said...

­čÄ­čÄÂ...kills the both of us...­čÄÂto die by your side, well the pleasure, the privilege is mine­čÄ­čÄÂ

trama said...

@ Freddy Murcks,

Are we the same person? Also, the courses were sometimes so tough nasty that it was faster to run around dragging, pushing, and carrying the dam bikes. I mean, why remount and try to clip in just for 20 yards of greasy uphill, keep running! And then you save your 1981 drivetrain for the one fast section, sparing it the mud and grass..genius! And then you come in 24th/115....right about where you started...who cares!! Beer! And then the ride home...on the same bike.


Pie finder

Red Ross said...

I don't always circle, but when I do, my bike's circle diameter is about 3 feet.

Dooth said...

Super X was indeed an important figure from the Black Power movement. His Afro was perfect.

Anonymous said...

Who's the baddest? Shoal Nuff!

Freddy Murcks said...

@Trama - CX sucks now because it's dominated by duders who would gladly kill you to preserve their 24th/115 placing.

I don't think we are the same person, but it's possible.

Anonymous said...

As somebody who only gets to buy a bike once every 12 years, thank you for the important industry updates I would otherwise completely miss until some awkward trail side moment.

Does that cross bike come pre-dosed with permethrin? From that photo, it looks like it might need it.

JLRB said...

I used to not race anything, and will continue to not race anything. Still plenty of FuckO's to be had just riding for transport and pleasure. Like this morning on my way in to work there was this guy and then the bike lane was blocked and, zzzz....

ken e. said...

brightening those grey skies. dooth @1:28 for COD. everyone else gets props too, i gave up on the CX because nothing says i heart racing like giving up a pound of flesh to have your laps miscounted in a cumulative points series race...

Anonymous said...

I used to be a bike messenger and I'm also lucky enough to split my time between SF and NYC (Man-fucking-hattan - there is no substitute).

Who knew? said...



21. You may legally park your car:

a At the corner in an intersection.
b Across a sidewalk if you are partially in a driveway.
c In a bicycle lane if there is no sign forbidding it.

Anonymous said...

Shoaling is really, really annoying. Happens to me multiple times a day. Inevitably, after being shoaled, I have to ride out into traffic to pass the idiot within about 50 feet because they riding slowly, thereby endangering myself because this jive ass turkey (sorry trying to bring that back into the modern day vernacular) doesn't want to wait behind me. How is that acceptable? If you already are a slow rider (e.g. anyone on a Citi Bike) do not shoal because you are making the ride more dangerous for your fellow cyclists. If you do, I will ride past you and do my very best to return the favor. You have to learn somehow.

SHOAH SHOALER said...

Isn't BOOST a term for thievery?
Boost 100 for my front axle and regular Boost (240) for my rear end. That's right, the bottle is my butt plug.

T Dalton said...

Review says, "But there is one solid reason to switch to thru-axles even if the axles themselves don’t do much to improve performance: Boost 148 only comes in a thru-axle option, and in our experience, Boost works."

So simply giving it thru axles opens up the option of jamming a 148mm axle into a CF frame of some unspecified spacing? Why does he not recognize that he's trying to say that the frame should use the Boost standard? And to do that, all the quest for a little lateral wheel stiffnin'? People are funny. Ten years ago this guy would have been looking for the lowest possible Q factor. Now, between fat rubber, mud clearance, his dick, and 11 cogs... well, I can see why nerds are flocking to one-bys.

Bryan said...

And finally checking in, after watching America get its ass beat by South Africa in the Rugby World Cup. I needed a laugh after that mess.
CX bikes should all be single speed. If you can't make it up a hill, HTFU. I've got an old bike boom bike in the CX makings at the moment. Have to get some new BB cups (FSA external) - easy enough but I keep forgetting to measure the axle. Why would you want to have a super disgusting drivetrain and have to worry about mud gunking up your pulleys in the RD? Plus, while everyone else is shifting, you just go.

Anonymous said...

I guess if you invent idiotic bike accessories, you would want to live in affected locations, where are worst people would gently hem and haw at your stupidity ("gee, fresh, not my thing, but very interesting"). In places which are "real", people would probably laugh at you and/or tell you that your "inventions" are stupid.

Bryan said...

...and...to die by your side, is such a heavenly way to die...
Thanks for the earworm

Anonymous said...

I guess if you invent idiotic bike accessories, you would want to live in affected locations, where at worst people would gently hem and haw at your stupidity ("gee, fresh, not my thing, but very interesting"). In places which are "real", people would probably laugh at you and/or tell you that your "inventions" are stupid.

Victor Kaminski said...

vsk said ...

With the "new" "protected" bike lanes, like on 2nd Ave, you stand a good chance of being stuck behind someone doing social wheelchair pace. Maybe an aggressive wheel suck after a block of almost falling asleep? Usually end up going out into the traffic and merging back in later on.

Someone locked their Trek 24 inch bigger than BMX bike to mine with a U Lock - top tube to top tube. I waited there to scold the offender (the seat height was half my standover height). I ended up instructing the girl that that is bad.

In happier news, on the way in up the Manhattan Br. I saw this guy on a chrome or really polished luminum Trek with richard brakes and orange anodized hubs headset seat binder etc. Looked really nice.

vsk

Freddy Murcks said...

In other sports news, apparently America men with micro penises who only like to the listen to the sports bloviations of other micro penised 'murican men were surprised and offended to learn that an American woman (who happens to be attractive and who has no penis) actually understands the game of baseball. Silly American couch potato, being an ugly old white man with a semi-functioning penis is not a prerequisite to understanding or being able to commentate on baseball.

ubercurmudgeon said...

FYI, the lowest amateur racing level in Britain is Cat 4. Therefore it is only natural that London commuters are more active than those in NYC, because they are Cat 5s, which is one better (or at least one louder) than Cat 6.

P. Bateman said...

don't care about baseball but did hear a gal announce a football game once and i will never be sold on the idea.

it is just like seeing a woman go into a voting booth. something just isn't quite right....

Bike Chick said...

"Anyway, Brooklyn's insufferable enough, so I think if I had to go back and forth between there and Portland I'd lose my fucking mind.

And one wonders why he's taken to inventing useless trinkets?

David Pearce said...

Interesting about the Shoaling Hatred / Shaming!

Enteegee Teegee

Comment deleted said...

Honk if I'm an Aggie!

might As Well Be Anonymous said...

Who knew? at 1:47 PM:

Do you know what State that test is from?

Did you see the last question? I assume the site is getting paid for that product placement.

Anonymous said...

I am a slow bicyclist, sometimes on a Bike Share Bike, and i don't mind being shoaled at all. It is not that big of a deal, which is what many of the commenters on the article said. Probably less annoying than careful jaywalking in most cities. Even the inventor of the term, BSNYC, sorta jokingly withheld judgement in this case (let us see what the Donald thinks)

Freddy Murcks said...

Anon @3:06 - It's not shoaling if you get passed by someone who is actually faster than you. Shoaling, as I understand it, is when some slow poke crowds in front of you at a stop light or stop sign only to have to pass him/her 50 feet later.

Spokey said...


shoaling is simply representative of modern barbarism. the only time shoaling is acceptable is if you are racing to the hospital before that nicked artery bleeds out enough to make you lose consciousness. when that's the case, by all means shoal. even salmon, run a red light / stop sign. but other than that don't be a fuck-o.

I Didn't Know said...

might As Well Be Anonymous @3:02

Several Q's or A's reference the California code

CommieCanuck said...

I was liking that Cannondale review, but they did not mention the beefiness of the bottom bracket or how the wheels spin up nicely. I use the BikeReview App, which convenient write reviews with typing macros.
Boost 148 is not a new standard, it would make no sense to keep making new standards, because that would mean there is no standard.
Pretty sure Boost 148 is a nutritional supplement for old people to help them better aim for cyclists while driving.

Roille Figners said...

Oh dude. Boost 148. It works. Totally works brah with the spicy gnar-gnar garn-garn. And why pray tell could someone not design a 148mm axle with quick-release hmmm? Oh not stiff enough? Make it thicker then. And before you say "But that'd require a whole new hub standard and special forks & frames," just stop & listen to yourself.



Mutha fuckas try to shoal the Cat 6 masta
If you gonna shoal me you best be fasta
Cuz if I gotta pass you I'm a be pissed
And leave ya in a trance like a hypnotist
"How the fuck that nigga go so fast?"
Motha fucka you late fo retard class
But I don't beat down all the swervy noobs
I get a good look if she all curvy wit boobs
Problem is those hoochies neva shoal
They got the fuckin sense to keep self-control

crosspalms said...

I'd have been here sooner but I was mixing Boost 148 and Olde English 800, and delicious though it was, it took a while to clean up the mess.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for another great Smiths reference Snob. And right before I have to run into the most boring meeting ever. At least I'll have a good ear worm.

Cyclocross - Adding injury to insult for more than 50 years.

N/A said...

Sprinkle a pinch of Boost 148 in your chamois, and your scranus will be fresh all day!

N/A said...

I take a little Boost 148, roll them shits in some EZ Wides, and I'm reaching Woo-Hoo-Hoo speeds right here in my chair.

Sackgesicht said...

I don't give a fuck about shoalers. If they are faster it's a non issue, if they are slower I just punch through the pack from behind once we're off. Where's the problem?

janinedm said...

I don't think it's a problem, just like you can burp without saying excuse me or if you're bored with someone at a party you can just abruptly turn away from someone without saying excuse me. No one is hurt by any of these things in any way i can think of. If there's a line at the grocery store, I won't hurt anyone by just walking to the front. They will still be able to purchase their items and really, one person isn't going to set them back so much, time-wise. So the discussion is whether shoaling, like the things I just listed, is rude or if it is completely different and not rude.

janinedm said...

...hooold on here. Are the random Smiths references I'm seeing because of the title of the post? Because that's a Cure reference to the first line of "Just Like Heaven." (Show me, show me, show me how you do that trick) High school me is so mad right now.

BikeSnobNYC said...

janinedm,

Cure in the title, Smiths in the bus pic caption.

--Wildcat Etc.

Sackgesicht said...

That's right janinedm, and that's why I think there is way more heat around the "issue" of shoaling than it deserves. Can't recall the last editorial I read about people not saying excuse me after dropping their guts.

If you don't like them in front of you just Cat6 the shit out of them. On occasion, people actually learn to stay behind you if you do it to them several times in a row.

janinedm said...

Phew. Thanks, snob. I never read the captions so I missed it. I'm sure I'm leaving some artisinal humor on the table...

Heat? I think heat is overblown. People care about it because it's come up. They care about it in the same degree to which they care about how to hang toilet paper (flap over the top is the only correct answer) or whether to put peas in guacamole (no). For my part, I'd like to live in a world with some goddamn manners. So while yes, i can just push people out of the way when they get in my way and 8 times out of 10 I catch and pass anyone who shoals me, I'd rather not. I'd rather there be some kind of code of behavior that falls well short of those 8th grade girls at velominati but isn't the pure anarchy of pre-school kickball. ...but that's just me.

Anonymous said...

Mike Lane...­čÄ╝he's the rebel of the underground­čÄ╝ warrior, warrior, wa warrior­čÄ╝

Spokey said...


Mike Lane is no Jim Wing

DB said...

Cubs fan tonight.

JLRB said...

Pirates fan always

Nats are second team

JLRB said...

kind of crazy having the top three teams having to end up with just one in first round

Spokey said...


no shoaling

Spokey said...


,

Spokey said...


just sprinting

Spokey said...



for the centurion

DB said...

JLRB:
Nats! number one, always.
Being from Crosspalms Territory I have to go Cubs tonight.

David Pearce said...

Oops! Drat!

@ 2:41 I meant Engeetee Geetee.

95 Pound Weakling said...

That bike periscope thing is awesome! You haters just don't know a good thing when you see it. I just can't wait for the x-ray glasses that I mailed away for to arrive, even if they don't work they will protect my eyes from kicked sand.

Doc Sarvis said...

"The gnar gnar" has long been a thing

BamaToiletRollPhred said...

janinedm said..." (flap over the top is the only correct answer)" now you've just gone too far. It's always flap pulled from the bottom, there is no other way. When the flap on top is pulled, you get spillover from the turning spool. When flap on bottom is pulled, no overspill as the unused end just wraps itself as the spool slows down.

Roille Figners said...

Ah so, it's the Smiths and/or the Cure. Unsurprisingly, such things go right over my head, because, back then, if it wasn't metal, WELL THEN FUCK YOU WITH YOUR FAG MUSIC. Needless to say this precluded being friends with anyone who wasn't also into metal, so yeah, bit of a blind spot.

Debbie Harry said...

Shoal me - on the line
Shoal me shoal me any day or night
Shoal me

Peter Frampton said...

I want you
To shoal me the way

Every dayyy

Kurt Cobain said...

Shoal me
Shoal me my friend

Yankee Doodile Spondie said...

Shoal be coming 'round the mountain when she comes
Shoal be coming 'round the mountain when she comes
Shoal be coming 'round the mountain
Shoal be coming 'round the mountain
Shoal be coming 'round the mountain when she comes

Those rednecks sure do have a way with the English language.

Jeb said...

Ha Ha! You Dumb Shit don't evven know how to spell 'doodle'!

crosspalms said...

DB
I was at a concert tonight, and the conductor turned around partway through and said "for those who want to know, Cubs are up 4-nil." He's a Brit...

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skelter weeks said...

'Shoaling' is normal human behavior. It's just people trying to get where they wanna go. It's not cutting in front of someone at an ATM or checkout, because those places have a single access point, while streets have multiple access points. They're called 'empty space', and people will fill them (I'm talking about the road. Get your mind out of the gutter! Wait, that's in the road, too.)
An example would be the portly person standing in front of the soda fountain dispenser filling up their cup with diet cola, and blocking the regular soda dispenser on the end. The cola people dislike that, so they put a second cola dispenser on the other end. So you just reach around and fill your cup. No harm, no foul. A more bike-oriented example would be a multi-rack. You get to the bike rack and find someone locking their bike to rack #2. What do you do? Wait for them to leave? Fuck no! You lock your bike to rack #4! I mean, duh.
Look at how someone described 'shoaling' as 'dangerous', because a slower rider passed a faster one. Being 'stuck behind a slower bike' is not dangerous. Being 'forced to pass a turtle bike' is not dangerous (Because any passing should be done when the street is clear and passing can be done safely). It's ANNOYING. It's not dangerous, and it's not illegal, so STFU. If you don't like it, get off the road. The people of the world don't exist to make your life all puppies and kittens.
The whole 'shoaling' thing burns my britches because some bike dork accused me of it when I rolled up to the light and stopped next to her IN THE BIKE LANE. I didn't even pass her, or sit in the crosswalk. But she had to say "That's called shoaling, and it's considered ruuude." Don't foist your 'bike ride' rules on the general public, bike dork. Look at the sidewalk outside the train station after the commuter train arrives. People 'shoaling' all over the sidewalk, filling all the space on the sidewalk and even on the other side of the newspaper box and (gasp) a few even stand in the street next to the curb! Why aren't they standing in single file?!? The horror.
Bicycling has the worst terms/jargon. 'Shoaling'. 'Salmoning'. 'Bike Ninja'. Salmon 'go the wrong way'/upstream because they're trying to fucking reproduce, not because they're stupid dipshits who don't know what the fuck they're doing and getting in everyone's way while also putting themselves in danger of getting hit by turning cars. And 'bike ninja' sounds like a compliment. It sounds cool. It doesn't sound like "Hey, moron! Get a light! I almost hit you because I didn't see you!"

BikeSnobNYC said...

Skelter Weeks,

The whole 'shoaling' thing burns my britches because some bike dork accused me of it when I rolled up to the light and stopped next to her IN THE BIKE LANE. I didn't even pass her, or sit in the crosswalk. But she had to say "That's called shoaling, and it's considered ruuude."

That never happened.

--Wildcat Etc.

herzogone said...

Woohooohoo, recognition!

I guess not having to deal with shoaling is a positive aspect of being in a city with few riders. I can count on one hand the number of times I've even encountered a rider at a light. On the other hand, I see a disproportionate number of salmon, maybe even a majority.

McFly said...

A Big guy on a Mongoose MTB is gonna save his marriage via the bicycle.

McFly said...

...........and keeping it topical he is actually in a semi-shoal position in the photo.

Anonymous said...

I just line up with the cars waiting at the same light. The ones that have passed me won't have to pass me again and I'm not exposed to speeding cross traffic. When light turns green I can time my start by watching the cars ahead pull away then I slide over to bike territory towards the right as we all get up to speed. Even if I have to pass any other cyclists it won't be in the intersection.

Why didn't I think of that said...

An0n @ 10:03 - You are a genius!

Anonymous said...

Snob was up at 6:26 AM Right Coast Time this morning and no new post by noon? It is almost like he has a life....

Anonymous said...

I am guessing today Mr. Snob is going to unpack the Fat Guy Across America phenomenon today? In which said fat guy has taken months to ride from Mass. to NYC and is now planning to head across to the Pacific Coast as we move (slowly) into cold weather months.

Anonymous said...

"...guy has taken months to ride from Mass. to NYC..."

I would love to take months to ride a bike for month, with no schedule and only the vaguest destinations.

"...as we move (slowly) into cold weather months."

If he continues down the coast and take the southern crossing I'm think he can stay ahead of the cold weather.

JLRB said...

Skelter @3;21

Shoaling is not the same as getting a rootbeer while someone else gets a diet coke. (Wait - are you the guy who likes Burger King? - Mike?) It is more like grabbing the tap hose from the keg out of someone's hand while they are in the middle of pouring a beer, because, you know, you are more important and they shithead filling his beer is meaningless to you.

Your point about salmon is equally off point. It doesn't matter why salmon swim upstream - it is the fact that they are known to do so that makes it an excellent descriptive term.

It is not shoaling if someone strides up next to me in a wide bike /traffic lane. In my book it is only shoaling when someone decides they should move to the front of the line ahead of me/whomever is there already.

I do agree with you on the Bike Ninja tag - it does incorrectly sound like something desirable.

This crap was rattling around in my head on my ride in this morning and I promised myself I wouldn't post about it, but, you know, work is boring.

JB said...

I don't think Snob will have a problem with "fat guy across America." He's riding a bike, what's the problem?

“I have to be my own boss and I’m horrible with money”
That combination is a problem.

skelter weeks said...

BikeSnobNYC said...

Skelter Weeks,

The whole 'shoaling' thing burns my britches because some bike dork accused me of it when I rolled up to the light and stopped next to her IN THE BIKE LANE. I didn't even pass her, or sit in the crosswalk. But she had to say "That's called shoaling, and it's considered ruuude."

That never happened.

--Wildcat Etc.

Absolutely did happen. In the Wells Street bike lane in Chicago. I was just trying to get some Arbys at the Mdse Mart. Can't a man get his roasted meats without a hassle?!?

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Bouncer pliko hammock mencari hadiah lucu untuk bayi, maka sedikit jerapah selimut bayi adalah pemilihan terpenting untuk Anda. Anda akan dapat menemukan apa yang ada di cetak ini yang membuatnya banyak digunakan tersedia di pasar. Koleksi ini terbukti menjadi mungkin cetakan yang paling disukai untuk kebanyakan jual baby bouncer harga murah lady bug lucu anak-anak. Cetak sebenarnya menarik, manis, dan intens kekanak-kanakan. Jerapah sedikit membuat pembelian terbaik untuk baby shower. Ini juga bisa dicuci di mesin dan cukup sederhana untuk membersihkan.

Kemudian realitas hits. Anda memiliki ide dari tangan-merajut selimut yang ideal hanya beberapa 'detail kecil' yang hilang - seperti ukuran selimut ini harus. Ini adalah pertanyaan yang baik dan kecuali jika Anda menggunakan banyak paparan merajut atau bayi atau keduanya, Anda mungkin bingung tentang apa untuk melakukan selanjutnya.

Ini benar-benar sangat nyaman dan lembut jual baby bouncer harga murah blossom farm untuk bayi karena ini sebagai diproduksi dengan kapas murni dan bulu. Tanpa keraguan, selimut anak adalah sesuatu yang individu semua cinta sangat banyak. Kita bahkan tidak bisa muncul untuk menghentikan diri dari belanja banyak berkaitan dengan pihak dari baby shower. Ini tidak membantu apapun bahwa pakaian iklan aksesoris bayi sehingga bendungan lucu. Salah satu hadiah terbaik yang Anda bisa memberikan anak adalah satu hal yang pasti luar biasa, sesuatu yang unik mereka dapat memanggil pribadinya. Selimut pribadi disarankan untuk memberikan teman atau bayi baru keluarga. Tidak hanya itu, selimut adalah seperti foto kenangan untuk bayi Anda.

Selain ingin yang baik karena mereka tersedia jual baby bouncer murah fold up infant seat dalam beberapa warna, selimut bulu bayi sangat kokoh. Mereka bisa melihat kurus dan lembut dengan sentuhan mereka perlu banyak kokoh karena bulu sering kain poliester tahan lama. Selimut ini dicuci berulang kali dengan simbol tidak ada kerusakan dan air mata. Selain itu, karena mereka cepat kering, mereka signifikan unsur getup bayi.

Bak mandi air panas selimut bisa menjadi sangat berat, bahkan jika mereka tidak tergenang air. Hal ini biasanya baik, karena itu membuat seluruh banyak lebih sulit bagi anak-anak untuk mendapatkan / nya jalan ke bak spa tanpa pengawasan, tapi itu membuat sulit untuk membuang membuka kolam spa Anda. Jika penutup bak mandi air panas Anda terlalu berat, Anda mungkin ingin mempertimbangkan untuk mendapatkan pengangkat tutup pelindung. Sebuah pengangkat penutup akan membuat cobaan besar mengangkat heli-copter spa penerbangan menutupi mengurangi jumlah siksaan.

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