Tuesday, November 10, 2015

Wednesday's post is today, and tomorrow's won't exist!

[Please note that tomorrow, Wednesday, November 11th, is Veterans Day.  As such I will not be posting that day.  While of course I have the utmost respect for all who have served, the real reason for my absence is that the schools will be closed, and if I don't spend the day actively parenting then my seventeen (17) children are liable to turn to crime and delinquency.  So after today I'll see you back here on Thursday, November 12th.  Deal with it.]

People, it hardly needs to be said, are the absolute worst:
Though at least we can take some tiny measure of solace in the fact it was always thus, and that our forbears would have commiserated with us, assuming they survived the tramplings:

(What, no helme(n)t?!?)

The above image was forwarded to me by a reader named Brendon, and it may or may not come from this book, which he also forwarded:


Either way, evolutionarily speaking, it would appear that we're stuck in something of a rut when it comes to our lowly position in the hierarchy of road users:


(See that?  He's LITERALLY IN A RUT!!!)

Though while we may be getting nowhere in that respect, you can't say we're not doing our best to compensate for our meager status by constantly inventing new and increasingly more futuristic gadgetry for our bicycles.   To that end, behold, the ultimate Fred stem!


SpeedForce - the first fully integrated cycling computer launch on Indiegogo from Yumeng Zhang on Vimeo.

(Via Steve the reader.)

Here's the pitch:

In cycling, we use so much assistive equipment.  Whether it be a GPS powered cyclometer, cadence sensor, heart rate monitor, headlight, or a smartphone for navigation.


(All that stuff on his bars YET NO HELME(N)T??!)

Hey, speak for yourself!  You may use all that crap, but I don't.  See, when you get to my level of cycling enlightenment you don't need things like cadence sensors, since you're tuned into the universal metronome, and Jesus himself is your rhythm section.

Nevertheless, for all the rest of you schlubs out there they've created "Speedforce:"


Clearly we've reached "peak data" when it comes to cycling, so the only way to innovate now is to come up with different ways to get that same stupid information inside you.  For example, some companies like to put it on your face.  Remember those stupid glasses?


("OK glass, how big a Fred am I?")

You know, the ones that take you out of the beauty of your surroundings to confirm how badly you suck?


Well between those glasses and this stem, it's clearly only a matter of time before some new startup comes along and promises to communicate all this information to you anally for better aerodynamics.

Actually, the Speedforce does sort of look like maybe that's how you're supposed to use it:


Here's what the future will look like when we're all riding around with butt computers:


Note the look of concentration as he analyzes the series of vibrations, pulses and whirrs emitted by the Speedforce:


So how does it work?

Well, all you do is insert Speedforce into the host rectum:


Then simply launch the app and ride!


Troubleshooting tip: you may lose the connection occasionally.

If so simply stop and adjust:


See, it's even great for fixie riders:


While it can't send them back to 2007 where they belong, it does has a fixed-gear "safety mode," and when it detects that the host is riding a fixie it simply commands them to ride around and around in circles so that they stay in one place and don't annoy the general public:


Think of what a jet ski does when you fall off of it and you've got the idea.

Speaking of fixies, the Speedforce has a headlight that "ensures your safety in the darkest nights:"


And safety is especially important when you're riding a brakeless bike in a dark tunnel with your feet completely out of the clips.

Best of all, you'll have "unlimited motivation:"


The kind that comes from having everyone you know virtually up your butt.

Speaking of endless refinement, Outside magazine has come up with this convenient list of special stuff you'll need to ride a bike with drop bars on a slightly irregular surface:


And before you ask, don't be stupid, of course you'll need a brand new bike:


Ridley’s new carbon X-Trail isn’t a gravel bike, a cross bike, or a road bike. Rather, it falls somewhere in between. The bottom bracket is lower than that of a typical cross bike for added stability, but the chainstays are shorter than what you’d find on a gravel-only bike, making it more responsive. The geometry is aggressive like a road bike, but there’s plenty of tire clearance for big tires, like the 38c’s I rode. There are also thru-axles on the front and back. This combination was perfect for the variable terrain, which included everything from stretches of smooth pavement to techy climbs that would have been easier on a mountain bike. I also added Reynolds ATR wheels, which cut weight, took some of the bounce out of the nasty washboard, and tracked like lasers on the loose gravel.

Come on.  How can they still be trying to shine light through the already nonexistent gaps between gravel, cross, and road?  Really, it's not any of those things?

So basically it's the Taco Bell Quesarito of bikes:


Just like this is the Quesarito of tool carriers:



In all seriousness the Behold is just like the flat tire kit in your car but it’s for your bike. Pack the Kargo bag with your tools, CO2 and a tube (up to 29-inch). Snap the bag in place and you’re set. You’ll be ready when you get a flat. Unlike a clanking bloated seat bag it’s completely out of your way on the frame. Attach any water bottle cage if you like.

What does everyone have against saddlebags all of a sudden?  And what's with the "clanking?"  It's a saddlebag, not a silverware drawer.  If you stuff a couple tubes in there it's as quiet as can be.

I do find this mesmerizing though:


Now I'm oddly hungry for a Quesarito.

Lastly, winter is officially on its way, because here's the first mainstream periodical article about fat bikes of the 2015/2016 season:


Cycling through beautiful valleys past greedily grazing elk, dwarfed by mountains — sounds like a sylvan summer scene. But with wider frames and new fat tires, mountain biking has become a year-round sport.

Sylvan indeed--until your clanking saddlebag causes those greedily grazing elk to stampede and you wind up trampled like a 19th century velocipedist.

Don't think it can't happen to you.

177 comments:

Ted K. said...

78. First, there doubtless are differences in the strength of the drive for power. Individuals with a weak drive for power may have relatively little need to go through the power process, or at least relatively little need for autonomy in the power process. These are docile types who would have been happy [ enslaved on ] plantations [ edit ] in the Old South. (We don’t mean to sneer at the [ enslaved people ] of the Old South. To their credit, most of the slaves were NOT content with their servitude. We do sneer at people who ARE content with servitude.)

Mike O. said...

Another early day and Happy Veteran's Day to any other vets out there.

Mike O.
USN

N/A said...

I'm so confused. What the hell day is it going to be on Thursday?

ermmurray said...

Into the hosts rectum

Anonymous said...

Damn near killed em
Top 10..

N/A said...

$4900 for that Ridley? Shit, you'd be crazy not to buy two of 'em at that price. Hell, if you curate a ride-way that involves anything more varied than pristine, smooth, asphalt, you can't afford to not buy an extra!

Jasper said...

Early doors

dop said...

Not to be a pedantic twat, but I don't see how the Ridley bike can be 'something between' gravel, cross & road bikes. It should be 'among'.

P. Bateman said...

top tan!!! seriously, its good to be back in the florida sunshine. high of 85 and sun everywhere.

Bryan said...

Stay away from my butt..that's for dinosaur bones and money!

Truly $4900 is quite the deal for a bike if you believe the hype around Special-ed. It's below 5k! $300 shoes though...with laces? Lame. I'll take my velcro, thank you very much. The jacket is pretty nifty, and if it were $100 less I would probably buy it. No need for a hydration pack, 30 miles is easy enough on two water bottles. I would rather be thirsty for a few miles than carry a damn hydration pack on my back for any length of time.

I'm doing a gravel grind over the holidays. The bike cost me $45 (cost of new brake levers and external bb cups), I'll throw my Cambium on and attach my Carradice, fill it with food, maybe a cup of coffee or hot chocolate, and off I shall go.

That silly flat repair kit is missing the most important thing...a freakin pump! Sure, use your CO2 first, but don't be caught without a backup. They could also throw in a Schrader to Presta adaptor so you can use an air compressor at a gas station.

Esteemed Commenter DaddoOne said...

SCRANUS

BamaPhred said...

Thank you Snob for listening to these product demos and reporting them to us. I would never know, cause I would never watch.

Gordon said...

Superior, they said, never gives up her dead
When the gales of November come early!

JLRB said...

Here's sneering at you, Ted.

babble on said...

Nothing like a little butt play on a Wuesday morning...

mikeweb said...

That SpeedForce doo-hickey sure is purty.

Elwood P Dowd said...

I'm always happiest, right where I am.

Anonymous said...

There's no artisanal without anal.

Dooth said...

Ridley’s new carbon X-Trail isn’t a gravel bike, a cross bike, or a road bike. Rather, it falls somewhere in between.

And it defies logic by falling between three things.

dop said...

OTOH

There's no 'Anonymous said', without Sad Mayonnais

Gideon said...

That stem has some appeal - and I haven't changed the battery in my bike computer for 3 years, and it stopped working months ago. I could have a fun time with that until the rechargeable batteries lose their first charge.

- Not a robot

(btw this I'm not a Robot challenge was particularly ridiculous. They asked me to pick out the auditoriums - there were two. Except there was an auditorium looking thing that was likely a marriage chapel. Now, what if somebody doesn't know the word auditorium or the nuances to its architecture? That means a certain demographic does not possess the knowledge or specific cultural information that allows them to respond in the comments - thank goodness I know what an auditorium is, amirite?

Anonymous said...

Left Coast Podium BITCHES!!!

N/A said...

OMG WHAT HAPPENED TO TUESDAY?

Spokey said...


top, ahhhh top podi in spokeyville

early gates. spousy hadn't even left yet so i couldn't sneak off to here

ChamoisJuice said...

I have been trying for years to get my own dick into my mouth, but I have two problems: My dick is not nearly large to reach my mouth. And I am not nearly flexible enough to reach my dick. So I am left with my hand. My sweet, loving hand.

P. Bateman said...

a few things:

- i'm not usually into the whole social media shaming/outrage, but maybe that is in order for all the fucko's on stevil's tweet

- i wonder what psi that guy in the rut is running? i think he's so good in it because his mother was a rutter.

-so that ridley is basically a chubby bike that costs $5K? i made mine for about $1K and i think its much better looking.

Dorothy Rabinowitz said...

Anal Sensor Status: Inserted

Spokey said...


babs

it's only tuesday but a wednesday post.

but now that i think about it, it is wednesday over in sydney. frankly i'm glad the auddies get the post on the right day for once. good for them. mayhaps this will help their confused upside down mental state.

N/A said...

Any morning could be good for a little butt play, though. Why limit it to Wednesday?

janinedm said...

Here's some NYC color. I almost got mowed down by a car last night. It was my fault though. I was on foot and even though I had the walk signal and was in the crosswalk, I was listening to a podcast at the time and was not wearing a helmet. So no criminality would have been expected.

N/A said...

BUTT PLAY

Anonymous said...

Elk ARE greedy! Finally, someone said it. It's a great day.

JLRB said...

Now that I read the post.

Yes, people do suck. Nice to have pictures put a face on the species Commonus idiotus haterus

Find a rut and get the fuck in it!

Scranus condition: penetrated with electronics.

Saddle bags must be reinvented because they work just fine.

Elk's rule. (I passed two deer bucks along the trail the other night - they were all antler to antler combative - I dinged my gay little bike bell and they both paused, looked over like "I wish I had some change or cold coffee I could through at that fag")

Anonymous said...

Once I met these two hot elk in a Saigon bar, man they were hot, I mean I had to get me SOME ELK!!!!

dop said...

About 20 years ago in Yellowstone, my wife and I pulled over to see what a crowd on the roadside was watching with binoculars. It was worth it. About 500 yards away, a grizzly was stalking a herd of grazing elk. Whenever they saw him, they'd move 100 yards away & he would run back inside the treeline. Over 15 minutes, he would reappear and try to sneak up on them, be seen & evaded, then retreat back into the woods. Finally the grizzly just said the hell with it & took off on a flat out run after the herd. With any luck, an elk* would stumble & be taken. Some of the crowd got back in their cars & followed the show. We headed off to dinner.

* Not to be confused with Anne Elk.

Cardinal Fang said...

Anne Elk

Bill Crowder said...

2 laughs today. Good effort.

P. Bateman said...

i recently downloaded a Gravel Grindr app but discovered it was just mostly a bunch of guys that kept wanting to meet up in parks and backwoods roads. Turns out it was like that Farmers only dating site but just for the boys.

Snob, is that how you've been finding cool mountain bike trails..using Gravel Grindr?

DB said...

Just returned from LA and think I found the center of the Fred Universe in South Pasadena.

leroy said...

Went for a short ride this AM.

It was wet and chilly.

It made me happy.

Of course, I could do without my dog trailing along, humming the theme from "Rocky."

Oh well, could be worse. He had threatened to cart his vintage '80s boom box for a karaoke rendition of the Gloria Gaynor classic "I will survive."

On the other hand, he was right about Doug Adams' advice concerning towels.

And people give you plenty of room if they notice you arguing with a dog.

Spokey said...

i heard something about that.

something like Never argue with leroy's dog. You get dog poop all over you and the dog likes it

Spokey said...

in pseudo prosecuting attorney voice

isn't it true mr leroy? isn't it true that your dog was merely going about his normal doggy business sniffing your ass when a Speedforce popped out? isn't that true mr leroy?

Roille Figners said...

"...happy as plantation darkies in the Old South. (We don’t mean to sneer at the “plantation darkies” of the Old South. To their credit, most of the slaves were NOT content with their servitude. We do sneer at people who ARE content with servitude.)"

Ted K you lame-ass, you're posting the UNABOMBER MANIFESTO. And now you're gonna censor it to make it more palatable? You make a pain-in-the-ass of yourself, posting his whole stupid rambling self-important essay in serial form for months, then pretend to care about people's feelings? You glorify a murderer and his elaborate justification for murder, yet pretend to object to the fact that in addition to, you know killing people, the killer is also racially insensitive?

Make up your mind. Either you care about people, hate Ted K's racism and his murderousness, and shut down the bot all the way. Or, you embrace Ted K for everything he is, including a bore, a murderer, and a bit of a racist, and continue as you're doing, WITHOUT censorship because that is fucking weak and personally I think the fear of contrary ideas is fucking weak too. Which I thought you agreed with since you were POSTING THE UNABOMBER MANIFESTO. But if you've had a change of heart and actually care about people now, then instead of cutting out a couple words, go one better, and SHUT THE FUCKING BOT DOWN FOREVER.

Do you see how there is a lack of clarity right now? Mixed messages? Muddy principles? Of course ironically all this was just to passive-aggressively prove that all the "podio" posts were a waste of time! Lemme guess, you were playing, your mom told you to quiet down, and when you didn't, she left the stereo on full blast 24/7 for twelve days straight?

Decide.

bad boy of the north said...

typical fall weather settling in.good day to wait for windows 10 to upload.six plus hrs...........no robot,just taxis.

babble on said...

Hear hear, Mr Figners! ++

Spokey - Egggggggzaktly. Hence Wuesday.

bad boy of the north said...

good one,rf,good one.

Anonymous said...

Roille Figners = CJ


Elk chew their crud man, how cool is that?

JB said...

Something can fall between 3 things, if those 3 things are not arranged linearly (i.e., the middle of a triangle).

Anonymous said...

I was looking at the Giant TCX Advanced Pro 1 cyclocross bike (I know, I should know better) when I saw this comment:
Not intended: for off road or mountain bike use, or jumping. Cyclo-cross riders and racers dismount before reaching an obstacle, carry their bike over the obstacle then remount..

Perhaps: a. We've hitherto misunderstood the essential character of the cross racer and b. cross bike can't be gravel grinders (no way)

David Pearce said...

Well, for your viewing and musing delectation, you can ruminate on "The Arcade Mini Roadster", purveyed by Hammacher-Schlemmer.

For those of you who don't want your little crumb-crunchers actually moving anywhere in their electric eco-friendly vehicles.

I can't make the picture come out here. Deal with it, as someone once snidely said.

Dave,
In the Federal District of the United States of America.

Ted K. said...

Roille @ 12:21 PM:

I decide not to repeat racial prejudice.

Like most racial prejudice, that found in the essay “Industrial Society and Its Future” comes from the author’s ignorance. We are all of us born equally ignorant. The author reduced his ignorance considerably in some subjects, but not having a lot of friends or even acquaintances, and very few personal interactions with black people, he remains ignorant about many aspect of humanity. This is not an excuse for the author’s ignorance nor for the racial prejudice in the essay.

”You glorify a murderer…”
Posting on the internet does not glorify anything.

”… and his elaborate justification for murder…”.
The essay does not attempt to justify murder or any other crimes the author committed. The essay does advocate revolution and this clearly implies violence (despite what paragraph 193 says.)

”Do you see how there is a lack of clarity right now? Mixed messages? Muddy principles?”
There is not more of an attempt at clarity, messages nor principles then as seen in the PODIUM!, SCRANUS!, etc posts.

Spokey said...


purrrfect vee hickle. can't see out the wind screen because a large tv screen is in your way.

Anonymous said...

So wait... if that computer goes in your butt...whats the headlight suposed to mount to?!?!

!!

clyde said...

What happens to the speedforce when I engage my ass rocket booster? Will it remain inserted.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Ass rocket booster engagement is effortless thanks to the porous nature of my recumbent cycle's mesh seat. I ain't messing with a good thing.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

That old timey wheelman book states that many cycle paths were constructed with hard packed cinders. I wonder how the cinder specific geometries of the day compared to the gravel grinding bikes of today?

Regular guy said...

The local craigslisty thing is chock full of slightly used fat bikes. Either all the bro's are planning on upgrading, or a whole lotta Freezy-Freds are planning on staying inside this winter.

Spokey said...


i'm a slightly used fat bikey ryder. but i ain't on craggly's list.

oh and i'll be doing the tour de basement this winter.

dop said...

I dunno JB. If an object is in the middle of a triangle (defined as a triangular area as indicated by 3 points), can we say it is between those points? It ius among them.

(avert your eyes from an actual argument, in the best sense, between RF and Ted K. Rejoice in JB's and my pointless quibbling.

Spokey said...


i'm with dop. definitely not between the points. not even sure it's among them as they are only virtual points need to connect those virtual lines.

i considered asking roille not to respond but thought better of it. i rarely read any post that long as my attention span barely makes it through leroy's comments. and leroy's comments are worth reading to learn why i enjoy not having to live with an abusive dog.

dop said...

Is RF reading along in the manifesto to play gotcha with Ted K, or does he know the actual manifesto so well that he spit his coffee on his flatscreen monitor when he saw the omission? Is RF the 20th Unabomber?

Dooth said...

That SpeedProbe--sorry--SpeedForce, also performs colonoscopies on-the-go.

Captain Obvious said...

I learned last night that our good friend ChamoisJuice posts about bike related stuff over at Reddit too. As opposed to the combative dickhead with the VERY active fantasy life that we have come to know here at BikeSlob.com LLC, he uses his "extensive" bike knowledge over at Reddit to drop sincere but almost surely unsolicited advice on the Reddiots about which cheap, POS Bikes Direct bike they should buy. It's really quite funny in a purely unintentional sort of way. I've said it before and I am sure I will have occasion to say it again: CJ knows next to nothing about bikes. His Reddit posts prove it conclusively.

Freezy Fred said...

scranulogical forecast...congealing

greedily grazing elk said...

Dorothy Rabinowitz

I_like_riding_jackhammers said...

SHORTER chainstays and aggressive road geometry? Because we all want to fight our bikes to keep them going straight ahead.

The Ridley will sell out.

Comment deleted said...

Tribalism is alive and well among the drivers of the world. For no reason other than that we are different from them when we are on bicycles, they hate us. They hate us enough to think jokes about harming or killing us are funny -- printed over images of their beautiful families.

I don't think I'll ever fully understand it.

Victor Kaminski said...

vsk said ...

Everyone is awaiting the first gravel specific saddle bag.
Will be out just in time for the first Friday after Thanksgiving.

vsk

Howard Stern said...

Dorothy Rubinowitz has a dry scranus. If she fell into the ocean, the sea level would drop 3 inches.

Roille Figners said...

Actually I think CJ might be Ted K. But anyway no, RF, who is neither, and who normally scrolls past Ted K, picked today to actually read it, noticed the edits, and pasted a few words into Google to see what was edited out. (Because as you know, it's a readily-available 20-year-old published document that nobody needs serialized.)

Ted K let's cut the "chaotic neutral" crap and shut the bot down then hmm? There's a good chap. How do I know you're a chap? Anyway yeah great provocative experiment etc. wow it's like sooo equal to a "podio" comment etc.... "Now I seeee, I really seee." Thanks for not repeating racial prejudice and instead annoying the shit out of everyone without regard to race!

TED K'S MOM FOR LIFE!!!!!!


SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO SCRANUS PODIO

P. Bateman said...

i think what i would like is a saddle bag that looks like those truck nuts.

saddle sack?

i dont want them to hang too low though. so no old man bike balls.

leroy said...

Dear Mr. Ted K --

Mr. Figners is right. Own Ted K's manifesto or don't post it. You don't edit the real Ted K.'s work to make him palatable. That messenger and message cannot be separated. You cannot gussy up one to make the other less offensive.

As for me, I don't read Ted.

Nabokov wrote "you can always count on a murderer for a fancy prose style," but he put that line in the maw of a narrator/murderer and preceded the exercise with an ersatz academic's wonderful introductory note, excusing "offensive" as a frequent synonym for "unusual" while lambasting and celebrating Lolita's narrator.

If you want to create a thing of beauty from an offensive narrator, Lolita is the touchstone. But that was fiction. Ted K. is real. There is a difference.

And Nabokov had a rare genius.

What? Doesn't anybody appreciate the classics?

I mean besides my dog's book club.

N/A said...

A saddle sack may be too pendulous to be contained, if you're gettin' gnarly.

N/A said...

So how about that book, "A Confederacy of Dunces" Huh, amirite? It's REALLY bad. Darby Monger had several passages of it tattooed on her daughters.

Spokey said...

just to keep things lite


   witches boobies
      witches boobies
         witches boobies
      witches boobies
   witches boobies

DB said...

Whoa, Leroy!
Chapeau.

P. Bateman said...

i dont really have a problem with Ted. he has some good points...

dop said...

I nominate Pnin for favorite Nabokov. You can't help but like him & you pull for him all the way.

my dick said...

my dick
my dick
my dick
my dick
my dick
my dick
my dick
my dick
my dick
mydick
mdik
d

Ted K. said...

Mr. Leroy;

Do you or your dog have a classic to compare to the 3:24 post above?

leroy said...

Dear Mr. Ted K --

Why yes, yes we do. But I don't allow my dog to sext.

bad boy of the north said...

Leroy,would we find your dog's book(s) on the the new York canines best seller list?

Frickus Rungus said...

I spotted a rare breed of bike today that I plan on adding to my "life list". The "Bike Friday Twin Air Titanium Beam Travel Tandem".
Here's a picture of the model that I found on the internets: linky
It had a front deraileur, a rear deraileur and a 3-speed rear hub which combined for a whopping "I have no idea!" number of gears.
It was spectacular!

dop said...

If Leroy's dog wanted to post something along those lines, it would look like this:

REDROCKET

Gene Rottenberry said...

Frickus Rungus - I wonder if the giant stem on that Bike Friday gives CJ a fierce boner.

Sting said...

It's no use, he sees her
He starts to shake and cough
Just like the old man in
That book by Nabakov

Anonymous said...

Frustration

Lolita said...

My bus stop is so wet

P. Bateman said...

@frickus - with that stem...sort of looks like a big blue swan.

fuck you swan.

Frickus Rungus said...

I'm surprised that no-one has pointed out the fact that the titanium seat "beams" have a strong resemblance to a dog penis.
Leroy - Not your dogs penis. I've never seen your dog's penis... I swear.

Victor Kaminski said...

vsk said ...

donsan
.
donsanso
.
donsanso close ta me!

...
Now get that out of your head Nabakov!

On the Road to Ciento!

vsk

Pathetic Old Cyclist said...

What kind of beer do Elk drink?

Caribrew! Nyuk nyuk

93 said...

93

94 said...

94

95 said...

95

96 said...

96

96 said...

96

96 said...

96

96 said...

96

dop said...

CENTURY

mother theresa said...

you can't spell penis without a spine

Anonymous said...

What a shitstorm.

Anyway, after seeing billboards shouting ELK JERKY for a hundred miles I stops in and says, "Sir, I've come off the rocky road yonder for some Elky comestibles, kind sir, some ELK JERKY if you will" and he says "Sorry, right out, sorry, no ELK JERKY today" and I says "Ahhh, well, that's good for the elk I guess, how about some VENISON JERKY then, kind sir" and he says "Oh, sorry no VENISON JERKY today" and so I says…"what's so funny about BIGGUS DICKUS!!!"

Anonymous said...

RF very nicely executed burn on Ted K. twice.

Anonymous said...

I prefer to carry all that shit in my jersey pockets. That's what they're there for.

Scranus said...

I love everyone

Scranus said...

But I think it is stupid to compliment someone on an internet posting "burn" bro

dop said...

You can't have scranus without Sun Ra.

BamaPhred said...

Dayum, ya'll been busy tonite.
It's been raining since Halloween, until today. So I went riding.
It was dark, and it was terrifying.
Ok, my work here is done, carry one, preferably with one another.
Selfies are ok too, I guess.

Andy said...

How can I use the stem with the integrated light, GPS, and screen at the same time as my shock-absorbing stem? They've missed out, there. Why should I have to choose?

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Good point Andy.

bad boy of the north said...

just how many ted k's do we have?

crosspalms said...

An expanding universe of Ted K's

Rolnard Covzure said...

Battlebots!
We believe in nothing, Lebowski. Nothing!
SCRANUS
SCRANUS
SCRANUS
SCRANUS
SCRANUS
SCRANUS
SCRANUS
SCRANUS
SCRANUS

Al Y. said...

white & nerdy

bad boy of the north said...

to all our veterans...........near and far,a big THANK YOU for your service and your families for their support.

bad boy of the north said...

now....where is everyone?(cricket cricket)

babble on said...

Wuesday, part two.

Show me the money, honey.

babble on said...

Heh heh... too funny! I just saw the video, and you're right. Butt boy definitely does ride like he's got a stick up his ass. Heh. Yep. You nailed it, Snobberdobberdingdong.

McFly said...

So I broke my arm doing the mtb'ing last Wednesday (more specifically the ball on the end of the radius bone...IT'S NOT VERY HUMERUS).

In pre-op the nurse told me I had to quit masterbating....

...I asked her why and she said "Because I am tring to draw some blood out of your arm."

bad boy of he north said...

mcfly,sorry about your injury.heal quickly.but your comment sure did hit the,ahem,funnybone.

Spokey said...


mcfly

sorry to hear that. but now you have to move to vancouver. they have a lot of experience with biek-sickening crash victims.

P. Bateman said...

just came by to piss


ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...

much better.

happy wednes...no wait, snob said today doesn't exist? i'm so damn confused.

dop said...

In honor of veteran's day/armistice day, all of our vets should get a delicious Italian Ice Cream Cone

leroy said...

McFly -- Get well soon!

(My dog says that in light of the pre-op request, this might also be a good time to get your eyesight checked. Unless of course you take the Jackie Chiles' approach to these matters: "Yeah that's going to be a problem. It's gonna be a problem for them. This is a clear violation of your rights as a consumer.")

grog said...

Thank you Dad for your service. My dad helped destroy enemy submarines overseas. A few years later, he bought me my first bicycle; a Western Auto single speed. I learned about Freedom from all this.

dop said...

McFly-

Napoleon did something similar while in exhile. He wiped out on during a downhill donkey race, and could see the jagged outlines of his radius, ulna & humerus. He shrugged it off saying , "Able I was ere I saw elbow".

Because of his thick Corsican accent, he was misquoted.

Bob Patterson said...

What would NYC be like if they had built the Buckley Bikeways? (proposed by Wm. F. Buckley in his run for mayor)

N/A said...

What pressure was Napoleon's donkey running?

McFly said...

Damn slick ass leaves on a wettish trail. 2nd ride on the Kona Hei Hei. I do not hold her responsible and have no quarrel. 100% rider error. The 6 mile ride out was an adventure. It's the right arm and I broke the left shifter. I opted for surgery in lieu of a cast. Speedier recovery times.

P. Bateman said...

not sure, just know that the donkey is surprisingly well hung. i mean...my god.

Anonymous said...

"...then my seventeen (17) children are liable to turn to crime and delinquency." Oh, so they'll become politicians.

Anonymous said...

Babble @ 946: "Nothing like a little butt play on a Wuesday morning..." Massage? Slapping? Pinching? All three?

Frickus Rungus said...

I bet Napoleon wasn't riding a downhill specific donkey. Or a healment...

N/A said...

Napoleon's donkey wasn't Boost 148-compatible.

Frickus Rungus said...

Yeah, I'm pretty sure that only burro's work with boost 148...

P. Bateman said...

or when you beat them hard enough. they'll get to movin' if you hit 'em hard.

P. Bateman said...

its almost that time of year for donkeys to start sending their mule-tide greetings cards.

P. Bateman said...

i went to the movies the other day and a donkey sits down next to me.

i said, "are you a donkey"

he said, "yes"

i said, "what are you doing at the movies"

he said, "well, i liked the book"

P. Bateman said...

okay, i'm stopping with the donkey jokes before i make and ass out of myself.

DB said...

Heal up quickly, McFly.

Roille Figners said...

Donkey schön, darling donkey schön.....

McFly I would think the tight grip would HELP her draw blood. You must be a loose-grip masturbator. I read you loud and clear buddy... hang with sluts, not choir girls?

dop said...

I'm trying to make a joke about those shoes called 'mules' and failing badly.

McFly said...

The upside is that we are currently installing the hardwood in 3 bedrooms in consecutivelyness and the little honey is giving me no slack. She is mitre sawing the end pieces while babygirl stands on the ready pieces while I air nail. Junior is, of course, on the XBox killing his friends.

Shall we get those hardwood jokes rolling?

bad boy of the north said...

my father served during the Korean war.stationed in Italy he and his crew built housing for those less fortunate after the second world war.my grandfather was a medic during the first while in middle europe

McFly said...

The real story behind Napoleon breaking his arm in the DH Donkey race is that he was a known doper and protesters were throwing rocks at him during the race.

That's right folks, he got stoned off his ass.

Spokey said...

mcfly

almost went that way a couple days ago. stood up to mash a little up a small hill and my rear started spinning. fortunately for me, sat me ass down and all was good. moral is beware of wet stomata

babble on said...

I hit wet leaf sludge and went into a skid when that car nailed me last week, too. Stuff is slick at best. Sorry about the breakingness, McFly. That sucks. And worse luck, it sounds like you could do with some of that getting stoned off your ass business at the moment, too...

dop said...

That guy with the butt plug is an expert on copyright issues in the music industry. He works for ASCAP.

I dread the rear-wheel spin that comes with a standing effort. It's almost a reflex to sit down, which usually ends it.

DB said...

What painkiller are you on, McFly?
You're killing it today.

Frickus Rungus said...

McFly,
Sorry to hear about your accident.
Where you wearing a healment?
What is air nailing? Is that where you pretend to dry hump an invisible object?

Pathetic Old Cyclist said...

McFly, heal fast

PB, I like the donkey in the cinema joke

Anonymous said...

babble I love you, but your crashes are bringing me down.

From the other side of the ocean said...

@Ted K.

You´re a gigantic and arrogant pain in the ass.

Stop polluting this space.

You´re a cunt, but you´ve got neither the charm nor the taste of it.

Bloc-Quebecois said...

TedK est un connard.

BamaPhred said...

Heal fast, McFly. Ok, finished layin the hard wood in the kitchen. Movin up to the countertops.

BamaPhred said...

Everyone's always ridin my ass, and I don't even own a donkey

JLRB said...

I had a driver steer her car straight across my path to make a turn into a parking lot - despite my bright as the sun lights - she rolled down her window and guess what she said

All together now "I didn't see you"

She is probably still wondering why a burst into laughter

JLRB said...

Mcfly -'heal well - glad to see your humor didn't break

ken e. said...

STPD CARS
RCST POOP

DUCK HNTR
FUNI BONE

Happy Unicorn said...

.

Happy Unicorn said...

yep

Happy Unicorn said...




















scranus

Happy Unicorn said...




















scranus

Happy Unicorn said...




















scranus

Happy Unicorn said...

All right it's fucking ON, Ted K.

Spokey said...


well boyz & girlies. i think it's time to rouge the lantern

may the farce be with you.

may the ted be with someone else.

brakelessballsdeep @twater.com said...

fat-bikes? more like crap-bike...
this year i've been voted #3 best-behaved/less-recidivist@ the group-home so ICE-CYCLE is all i want for Festivus!!

www.hammacher.com/Product/12792?cm_cat=ProductSEM&cm_pla=AdWordsPLA&source=PRODSEM&gclid=CILG7rTqjskCFdCQHwodkvMC-Q

Kids Bicycles said...

What a conversation...lol..

Riyan Cilacap said...

Thank You Verry Much, Ijin nitip gan dan trimaksih atas infonya

Obat Sakit Kelamin De Nature
Pengobatan Kutil Kelamin
Cara Mengobati Kutil Kelamin
Kutil Kelamin
Obat Kutil Kelamin
Obat Condyloma
Obat Jengger Ayam
Obat Sipilis
Obat Gonore
Obat Raja Singa
Obat Kencing Nanah
Obat Chlamydia
Obat Herpes
Obat Herpes Genital
Obat Herpes Kelamin
Obat Herpes Zoster
Obat Herpes Badan
Obat Jengger Ayam
Obat Kutil Kelamin
Obat Kondiloma
Obat Condyloma Accuminata
Obat Jengger Ayam Pria Dan Wanita
Obat Kutil Kelamin Pada Pria Dan Wanita

Anonymous said...

Görmeyeli nasılsınız dostlar, geldi çılgın Escortcunuz Emre KANDE. Bana sorulan binlerce mesaj içerisindeki escort istanbul sorulardan Taksim Escort . Üsküdar-Beşiktaş arası çalışıyor, Kadıköy-Beşiktaş arası çalışmıyor seferler iptal. Metrobüsle Mecidiyeköye geçtim ordan indim barbaros bulvarına, çok yoruldum yinede Avrupa Yakası Escort escort istanbul bayanları araştırıp görüşme sağlıyormuş o zaman bizde abimize yardımcı olalım dedim. Gelelim abimizin sorusuna, Birleşme sırasında alınan zevki artırmak için çiftlerin yapabilecekleri başka şey varmıdır ? Güzel istanbul escort bir konudan bahsetmiş, zevk oranını daha çok artırabilmek Kartal Escort için acaba ne yapmalı. Az bi dk beynimi kendine getireyim, şuan ahmet kaya'dan diyarbakırlıymış adı bahtiyar dinliyorum bağladık psikopata. Tamamdır şimdi geldim. Daha fazla zevk için hmm düşünüyorum o zaman varım. Evet, eşler Beşiktaş Escort cinsel kaslarını denetleyebilirler. Pratik ve eğitim sonucu bu kaslar bilinçli bir tarzda denetlenebilir, böylece kadın, vajinası Bostancı Escort içindeki penisi sıkabilir ve tazyik altında tutabilir. Bu Mecidiyeköy Escort kaslar kasılınca vajinanın ağzı hemen hemen tamamiyle kapanır. Kaslar gevşeyince vajinanın ağzı tekrar açılır. Vajinanın dış kısmını kontrol eden bir başka kas Anadolu Yakası Escort daha vardır ki bu organın asıl fonksiyonu işemenin bittiği an idrar akışını durdurmaktır. Ama buda bir istanbul escort önceki kas gibi vajina ağzı üzerinde bir tazyik icra eder. Basit bir Beylikdüzü Escort idman sonucu her kadın bu kasların denetimini Şişli Escort elde edebilir. Bunun için idrararını tutmaya çalışıyor gibi yapmak gerekir. Günde en az yirmi kere... Böylece idrar yolu kasları üzerinde bir denetim imkanı kazanılmış olur. Cinsel zevkin artması için yararlı olabilecek Kadıköy Escort ikinci grup kaslevator kaslardır. Bu grupta üç çeşit kas vardır. Bunlar biraz yabancı gelebilir sizlere ben yinede yazayım, pubococcygeus, iliococygeus ve puborectalis. Bunlar anüsten ön kısma doğru birine sıkı bir şekilde yaklaşır ve bütün vajina boyunca penisi sıkar. Bu kaslar çok güçlüdür escort istanbul ve doğru kullanıldıkları takdirde cinsel zevkin artmasında büyük rol oynar. Levator grubu kasları geliştirmek için en iyi idman barsakları sıkmak şeklinde

Macros Satu said...

Assalamualaikum ... Hallo gan, salam kenal ! Ane dari De Nature Indonesia minta izin buat promo sekalian titip link ya gan, Mohon komentar ane jangan dihapus ... :)

Obat Sipilis Berdarah Herbal
Cara Mengobati Sipilis Sampai Tuntas
Obat Sipilis Raja Singa Herbal
Obat Penyakit Kencing Sakit
Obat Herbal Sipilis
Obat Tradisional Kencing Sakit
Obat Kencing Sakit Ampuh
Obat Herbal Raja Singa
Obat Kencing Sakit Tanpa Ke Dokter
Obat Sipilis Kencing Sakit

Mas Andi said...

#Tag :
Cara Menghilangkan Kutil Di Kemaluan
Cara menghilangkan kutil di kemaluan secara alami
Cara menghilangkan kutil di kemaluan pria
Cara mengatasi kutil di kemaluan
Cara menghilangkan kutil kemaluan
Cara menghilangkan kutil pada kemaluan
Cara menghilangkan kutil pada kemaluan pria
Cara menghilangkan kutil pada kemaluan secara alami

Segera Hubungi Kami Dan Pesan Obatnya Sekarang Juga di Fast Respond : 087705015423 PIN : 207C6F18.

Louis Jose said...

I am very happy today with my family. My name is Louis Jose living in CANADA, My husband left me for a good 3 years now, and i love him so much, i have been looking for a way to get him back since then. i have tried many options but he did not come back, until i met a friend that darted me to Dr.Kosie a spell caster, who helped me to bring back my husband after 2 weeks. Me and my husband are living happily together today, That man is great, you can contact him via email orbokosie@gmail.com… Now i will advice any serious persons that found themselves in this kind of problem to contact him now a fast solution without stress.. He always hello, now i call him my father.contact him now he is always online email (orbokosie@gmail.com) or call him on his mobile line +2349081784898

Apotik Denature said...

Obat Ambeien Herbal Ampuh ? Segera Hubungi Kami Dan Pesan Obatnya Sekarang Juga di Fast Respond : 087705015423 PIN : 207C6F18.

Obat Ambeien Di Apotik said...

Obat Ambeien Di Apotik ? Segera Hubungi Kami Dan Pesan Obatnya Sekarang Juga di Fast Respond : 087705015423 PIN : 207C6F18.

Akhadiwi Rajie said...

You have a great blog here! would you like to make some invite posts on my blog?
Lijit.com
Community.intuit.com
Pixarcarsdiecast.com

Obat Kutil Kelamin Ampuh Tanpa Operasi said...

Ijin titip lapak ya gan ... matur suwun.