Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Even After The Three Day Weekend, People Still Suck

Remember how awhile ago I was trying out this hydration pack where you screw a bottle into it and drink from it?


Well, this past weekend I was heading out for a ride on my rugged all-terrain bicycle, so I screwed a bottle of liquid into my hydration pack and stuffed it full of sundries.  (Patch kits, tarot cards, personal grooming products, and the like.)  Then, as I was headed out the door, I noticed a wet spot in my tramp stamp area, right were I have this:


So I removed my hydration pack and discovered it was leaking.  I don't know if the pack is defective or if I am, but in any case I quickly ditched the pack, stuffed the sundries in my jersey pocket, and put the bottle in one of these innovative new devices called "bottle holders" that you mount right on the downtube:


So yeah, that's probably that for the hydration pack, since having to turn back as I'm headed out for a ride is high up on my list of incredibly annoying things--though not as high up as idiots who honk at you for no reason:


Must be hell to have to ride your bike in this beautiful weather. Or perhaps the lush and comfortable 67-degree fall in Chicago acts as a small consolation for the harsh and brutal realities that the cyclist must endure every day, dished out by the cruel wretches of the world who drive cars. Or, at least that's what you'd think if you can read body language.

Firstly, the world actually is our enemy, and we are forced to deal with "harsh and brutal realities" pretty much every day, you fucktard:


Secondly, you'd be pretty annoyed too if every time you headed out out to enjoy some "beautiful weather" idiots kept honking their car horns at you for no reason:

About a week ago, I found myself on a backstreet in Ravenswood, trailing a cyclist without a helmet riding on old-style ten speed with a courier bag slung over his back. It appeared to me that he didn't know I was there while we were both approaching the upcoming stop sign. I say he didn't know I was there because it seemed he was off in his own world, daydreaming while riding, and was clearly hearing-impaired from the huge Beats headphones he had on. Being the (sometimes) nice and courteous guy that I am, I figured I'd just give him a heads-up that I was there. So I tooted my horn lightly.

Oh, spare me the white man's burden crap.  It appeared he didn't know you were there?  Why?  Because he had an "old-style ten speed" and a "courier bag?"  Because he didn't have a helment?  (Like that even fucking matters.)  Because he was wearing headphones that may or may not have been playing music at a volume completely unknown to you?  He could have been listening to "News from Lake Wobegon" for all you know.  "Appearances" don't mean shit.  I mean, when I see a mushy putz driving an SUV like the guy who wrote this article, it "appears" to me that they couldn't possibly achieve or sustain an erection (much less hear or see a thing what with his radio and cellphone and cabin insulation and climate control and blind spots), but that doesn't mean I attempt to have sex with their spouse or life partner for them.

Anyway, so what if he didn't know you were there?  He doesn't really have to know you're there.  You have to know he's there because you're the one approaching from behind.  So wait until it's safe to pass him and then do so.  Don't honk at him, especially as you're approaching a fucking stop sign.  It's irritating enough when people honk at you for no reason, but it's quadruply annoying when they do it at a stop sign or red light, and if you want to know why sometimes we're inclined to roll those things then there's your fucking answer.

And for fuck's sake, how do you honk your horn "lightly?"  Horns don't modulate--it's on or it's off, you twit!  Nobody can detect the nuances in your car horn.  We can't even detect the nuances in your prose because you're such a shitty hack.

So, unsurprisingly, the hack gets the finger:

Guess I should have known better. Not that I expected a waive from the cyclist, nor did I expect him to stop and say thank you, but I didn't expect him to give me the one-finger salute in a long, protracted, five-second long flip-off accompanied by a scornful face.

Hey moron, maybe he was just flipping you off "lightly"--you know, just so you knew that he was there.

But of course Hacky the Putz thinks he's allowed to judge cyclists because he owns a bike:

Believe me, I get it. I own a bike. I know how good bikes are for the environment, and I know safety is on every bike rider's mind. Within reason I try to get around the city as much as possible by foot, bike, or public transit every day. But I do own a car and use sometimes I use it. And, believe it or not that doesn't make me a bad person. Sounds silly, but I feel like I have to say to both the professional bike messenger and the dedicated amateur user the following: I am not your enemy.

If I buy a tampon it doesn't mean I know what it's like to menstruate.  Anyway, don't worry, your car doesn't make you a bad person.  It's the fact that you have your head up your ass that makes you a bad person.  And of course it wouldn't be a real anti-bike screed if he didn't feel the need to remind you that his car is more powerful and dangerous than your bike:

Regardless of what reason, now I'm reminded that certain bicyclists have it in for me every time I get on the road, whether it is in the car or while dodging them in trying to cross the street by foot. We're lucky, I suppose, that Che Guevara the Cyclist and his ten speed aren't exactly a danger to me in my Honda Pilot. It's unlikely that, were he to take out his psychological aggression with force and ram me into the curb, that I'd sustain injury. That is, unless these mutineers-on-bicycles are harboring some secret counter-suppression weapons that I don't know about.

Right.  He thinks we're supposed to respect him for the stupid Honda Pilot that he leases, but it really only makes me think of this:


And then he confirms he's just a tiny, neutered Willy Loman with this quip:

Better yet, don't flip me off, and I won't fantasize about throwing hot coffee at you.

What is it with people who fantasize about hurting people who are more vulnerable than they are?  I sometimes see cyclists doing dumb shit while I'm driving (and, I should add, this particular cyclist didn't even do anything dumb), but I never fantasize about, you know, hurting them.  Like, "I hope that guy salmoning on the department store mountain bike gets scalding hot liquid thrown in his face."  That's actually kind of sick.

(Of course, it's perfectly fine if it's the other way around, and if someone almost kills you with a two-ton vehicle it's totally acceptable to fantasize about stuffing their genitals into a coffee grinder or stuffing starving kittens down their pants.)

Anyway, I wanted to know more about this putz, and it turns out he's a "marketing executive" playing at being a writer in his spare time:


Financial services, eh?  Well, service this you schlemiel.  [Indicates crotch.]

Meanwhile, yesterday I was in Onion Square in Manhattan, and I was amazed to see fixie riders that must have been transported through a wormhole in time from the year 2007:


Yep, it's all there, right down to the fanny pack:


I actually suspect they're wearing Halloween costumes--and speaking of Halloween costumes I was searching for a Roger De Vlaeminck costume for my kid (incredibly nobody carries one) when I spotted this:


That's just disturbing.

Anyway, if the fixie riders weren't in costume, then I guess nobody told them they're supposed to be buying cyclocross bikes now--and if you have a cyclocross bike you'll want some really bad art to go with it:



This was forwarded to me by Klaus of Cycling Inquisition, and it looks sort of like "The Scream" if the screamer was riding a cyclocross bike and wearing a helment:


Just make sure to buy a spare for the pits.

147 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hello, Podium

Anonymous said...

I suck.

g. said...

in with a bronze?

Comment deleted said...

Lightly throwing a hand grenade...

grog said...

MORE BABE

Dale said...

Top ten!

Bod said...

What kind of tampons did you buy? I'm in the market for some myself

Marcel Da Chump said...

Sweet pee? Sorry to hear about the diabetes.

Vernal Magina said...

"Sweet Pee" might as well have just put a bulls-eye there. You know, for pee...

g. said...

I think in order to be a bulls-eye, you need a comma.
"Sweet, pee"

Schwinnfuckingarmstrong said...

That man needs to find god.

JB said...

Coasting in.

babble on said...

Still seeing double, but I enjoyed reading both of today's Tuesday posts!

Ranty Boner said...

Is it just me or that Ryan Trebon looks like he needs to pee really badly, holding his knees tightly together?

Anonymous said...

What's funny is that more people will read his article on this page than where it was originally posted.

Comment deleted said...

So what did you do to yourself this time, Babs?

theEel said...

weed.

Pisstank said...

HOOOOOOOONK!

Anonymous said...

What a douchebag. Are there any readers in Chicago who can get a large airhorn and blow it in Frye's ear when he is walking somewhere?

Yeah Cleveland! said...

Tep twonty with nuthin to say.

babble on said...

CD - I caught the wheel of the bike I was drafting in Richmond and went down hard on my neck and shoulder. Came to consciousness in the trauma unit at Vancouver General Hospital, and I've been seeing double ever since....

Strangely, it's worse today than it was last night.

Meh. We were kicking some serious ass when I crashed, too.

JB said...

WEED SOCX

babble on said...

I can be such a fucking muppet sometimes.

Anonymous said...

Clearly this was a case of a bozo on a bike, I mean seriously why would any respectable Fred be caught dead wearing overpriced lame-ass Beats Audio headphones. That's money better spent on his ride. The marketing honker understood this concept, and the Fred wannabe was simply exasperated for being called out for wearing Beats Audio headphones. Shit happens all the time.

Regular guy said...

Yeah, that's funny.

Anyways, I was in southeastern Minnesota this weekend near the Iowa border. This is gravel road heaven and I happened to drive miles and miles of them to get to and fro. The beautiful fall weather and changing leaves made it downright perfect, and I didn't see a single douche riding a gravel bike in sight. Two kids on BMX bikes and a pair of retirees on recumbents plying a paved road was it.

Anonymous said...

get well soon Babble

mikeweb said...

Get better soon, Babble!

Get dry soon, Snobber!

('agedoor' - wow! really robot detector??)

ge said...

Guy doesn't know shit about physics either. I mean, when's the last time you've seen 200lb of bike and rider force a 4000lb SUV into a curb. That would be a fucking awesome power to have. Seriously.

Welcome back from your brief diversion away from the world of water bottles Snob. Just be glad you didn't test the waterproofness of you cell phone like I did (it wasn't). Fortunately, that was back in the day when cell phones didn't cost more than laptops.

Anonymous said...

So... yet another nitwit documents their illegal behavior online and has absolutely no clue they were doing something illegal. One could only hope that the cyclist in question sees his "article" and presses charges for harassment and intimidation.

Anonymous said...

Maybe modulating horns is a good idea. With an "On your left" feature.

leroy said...

I went for a longish ride Sunday and stopped on a very quiet side street to get directions from a passing cyclist.

An older gentleman in a very large SUV came around us, rolled down his window and said "That's okay, take up the entire road."

Oh the irony.

I smiled and waved.

I mean, it wasn't like he was telling us kids to get off his lawn.

Anonymous said...

I hear tampax has a new gravel specific tampon. Not sure about dick brakes...

Sean Lynch said...

That ghost bike is about 2 blocks south of where Ignaz Schwinn's mansion used to be.

JB said...

I use Morse code to communicate with my horn. A preceding 5-second blast means the sentence is in ALL CAPS.

RoadQueen said...

Welcome back, Sweet Pee!

It's getting harder and harder for me to even get upset with stupid people and their stupid entitlement issues.

I mean really...I think I'm getting desensitized to assholes. That guy's story sounds a lot like giving an obviously back-handed compliment in public, then acting all hurt and innocent when the person you 'complimented' calls you on your bullshit in front of everyone. Really??

*sigh*

Babble, I hope you're feeling better soon. XO

RoadQueen said...

Oh, and by the way, I don't blame the cyclist for giving the one-fingered salute.

If I get honked at, I hug the center line and raise my middle finger for the fucker, too.

Two can play that game, SUV-asshole.

Comment deleted said...

Ugh, sorry to hear about the wreck, Babs. Sounds a little concussion-y. No (American) football for you this week.

JamMasterCray said...

JMC approves of this post. Great job, WCRM! Nothing like some good old-fashioned cyclist persecution to start the day.

EEKRUCH 2517

mikeweb said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
mikeweb said...

To be honest, I hardly ever get honked at. Maybe I've just become deaf to the F tone.

the Jimboner said...

Rantastic Snob! That sweet pee really gets your dander up.

Anonymous said...

When someone honks at me i wave franticly and grin like a giant retard. At that point they either go around or attempt to put me in the curb/ditch, which are precicely the two options that existed BEFORE the honking waving charade, because ironically, the only thing being a dick accomplishes is to make people think you're a dick.

Dooth said...

What a coincidence, Wildcat, Sweet Pee is my dick tat.

Mr Plow said...

" I never fantasize about, you know, hurting them"
Pfff. And you call yourself a satanist

mikeweb said...

Actually, and I'm pretty sure Snob or another commentor already touched on this 'back in the day', but when someone does honk at me part of me sees it as a positive. At least that means they see me. I'm pretty sure when a cyclist gets launched into the guardrail from behind by a distracted idiot driver, there's no honk first.

babble on said...

Thanks everybody :)

Now to re-gain my balance so I can get back on a bike! They didn't say how long I would be tipsy and dizzy like this... any ideas how long the symptoms will last?

RoadQueen said...

mikeweb, you're not doing it right.

The comments section is supposed to be angry and snarky and full of assholes.

You're being a positive, intelligent, nice guy. You're *supposed* to be riding with anger, acting like a pissed off New York street cyclist, etc.

But yeah, it is generally intelligent to NOT anger someone driving a several thousand pound ramming-capable device. ;)

crosspalms said...

Another proud day in Chicago journamalism. Anyone want to donate to my "middle fingers for Frye" Kickstarter? I'll buy that airhorn with the proceeds.

Sorry to hear about your crash, Babble -- get better!

Beth said...

Anonymous @12:36, agreed... a lot of my riding is mixed-use trail and there's a difference between "On your left!" and "OUT OF MY WAY, PEDESTRIAN SCUM!" And I've gotten "on your left" beeps on the road before. The car slows, taps the horn from about 50 feet back, waits, then passes with a wide berth. In that case it's pretty clearly intended as a courtesy.

Not at close range, not in traffic, not while approaching a stop, and probably never in Chicago.

82 medici said...

Babble -
"any ideas how long the symptoms will last?"

I'm pretty sure it is incident- and person-specific. Any suggestions you get on recovery time will probably not apply to your situation.

That said, I wish you a speedy recovery.

Andy Frye said...

OK, ok, ok....

I was clearly protesting too much by writing a whole post about how I honked my horn at the cyclist.

It's not that I wanted to let him know I was there.

I wanted to let him know that I wanted to fuck him.

I'll get my homophobia under control, I promise

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Sorry to hear about the dribble Wildcat. Thats just another part of getting older.

Get well soon Babs!

I spent most of Saturday on my back. It was nice.

55.4 car-free miles


SWEE TPEE

Etherhuffer said...

My spouse hit the concrete last year at 30mph and got the helicopter ride to Harborview and 3 days intensive care. Try clearing your own spouses airway for a real enjoyable Sat morning ride.

So Babs, get better soon. And for the double vision, study up on cranial nerves III, IV and VI.

Etherhuffer said...

Oh, and be happy you are in Canadastan. Our bill for the crash was $78,000.

babble on said...

EtherHuffer Thanks, and Yikes. That's expensive.

I had no say in the ambulance ride as I was unconscious at the time, but I think it's a flat $80 fee here.

Anonymous said...

A little concerned Snob is getting too good at shooting bicycle porn.

Anonymous said...

It's the moon. It was like 3/4 full last night or 1/4 empty.

Yesterday my friend got into an argument with a car service SUV guy because he was on the cell phone and squeezing into the bike lane. The car service guy right turns intientionally into my friend on 5th Ave + 6th Street. He was OK. Has 3 witnesses, went to the car service place, filed a police report. The car service driver filed a false report saying the cyclist hit his navigator and ran (???).
Some Infinity G-37 tinted windows douche cut me off on Christie + Houston this morning. Not like he was going to get anywhere, the traffic was solid for another block.

I have a Topeak Road Morph pump I love. I am going to improve upon it with rebar and design the Topeak Road Rage pump.
Maybe a lot of 2 wheelers (I ride a Honda Nighthawk also) calmed down due to the West Side highway biker thing last week. But that's gotta stop.
You're surrounded by assassins. I use the dorky glasses-mounted rear view mirror. I just try to keep out of reach of the 2 ton monsters if possible.
Good Luck!

vsk

Fryes Shrink said...

"Che Guevara the cyclist"?

Sounds like someone has displacement and transference issues...

leroy said...

Dear Babs --

If my dog sends you a photo of himself to test your double vision, do not fall for the old "How many hands am I holding up" trick.

Everybody expects the question to be about fingers.

And anyway, he has paws.

Get well soon!

Fred Clydesdale said...

as treasurer, CEO and sole member of the society to prevent the stuffing of kittens into pants, i would like to say that i am appalled that you would suggest EXACTLY THAT as punishment for being inadvertently homicidal.

i am herewith informing you that i have called for a boycott of your products by all our members.

McFly said...

When women honk for no apparent reason I assume they want the "D". I try to chase them down as they speed off.

ge said...

Babs, hope you get well soon. For your sake, I'm glad BC has a helment law.

Anyone else see "Martin Amis" on that ghost bike before they read the real name on it? Spooky.

babble on said...

Cheers, Ge.

I'd have had a hell-met on with or without the law making it mandatory, cause mum said "special" people like me should ALWAYS wear one.

ChamoisJuice said...

Babble, very sorry to hear about the brain damage.

I have had three concussions, so far. The last one, I was out for 10 minutes. I still don't feel like I have recovered. I have done quite a bit of research on the brain, and it really is one of our greatest mysteries. It never comes back completely. It's confusing because you are still aware that the information WAS there, it's not like you a blissfully ignorant. Closer to alzheimer's than down syndrome, if that makes sense.

It gets easier to ring your bell, after you have done it once. I have modified my riding quite a bit, riding less capable bikes, so I can push it to the edge, without going as fast. I also stepped up my healment game. No styro-foam safety kippahs, rather the most serious helmet available. -Technologically advanced aerospace carbon / composite shell construction.
-Inner dual-density shock pad system helps absorb smaller impacts, withstands multiple hits and add greater durability for the single impact absorbing EPS liner.

I only wear it when I an getting rad, and keep my on road activities extremely mellow. With the rare exception of shuttling 5000ft mountain passes, in which I also wear a leather jacket. Shredding corners at 60 mph in spando and a styrofoam hat is CRAZY.

ltyabat 81

Roille Figners said...

A car horn is a blunt instrument that says anything from "move it asshole" to "watch out" to "hello" to "goodbye" to "congratulations Shauna & Jeremy." Shockingly, this results in misunderstandings. When you get in a car you are voluntarily becoming more-or-less verbally impotent, so I think just go ahead and shut the fuck up unless there's a dire safety situation m'kay? Or, get out of the car if you have some sort of complex message.

BamaPhred said...

I will never get the animosity of normally mild mannered suburban soccer moms and Junior Leaguers in SUVs to an old man and his bicycle. Maybe it isn't the bicycle!

Anonymous said...

RQ, angry and snarky describes our host to T. Go ahead call him an asshole, we got your back.

4fuxake said...

I agree with Beth: I'm not offended by a courtesy tap on the horn from a considerate distance.

Also, like anon 1:06 : "When someone honks at me i wave franticly and grin like a giant retard." It can be pretty disarming for some, others it just pisses off all the more -- which is really what I was going for in the first place...

I'm still working on how to respond to the asshole that blared the horn of his German luxury sedan while "buzzing" me at-speed on a blind curve. I'm leaning toward evisceration.

g. said...

RCT,
Great write up on your tour! A group of us did something similar on the rail-trail called The Silver Comet out of Atlanta this spring and had a great time. Didn't camp but still rode most of the way out without any cars.
I was all excited until I remembered that your Miami and mine are about 1200 miles apart.
Thanks for sharing.

Anonymous said...

CJ @ 2:43:

well, that explains it.


267 ugseek

babble on said...

Ha. I AM the mutineer counter-suppression weapon that fucktard was talking about. Or at least I was before yesterday, when I could walk in a straight line.

Cheers CJ - Just the day before yesterday I was thinking I ought to get one of those Scott helmets that protect against torque injuries as well as impact.

At least now I have an excuse for riding around in circles. I've got dain bramage.

4fuksake: I called the police with a license plate and car description when that happened to me on Spanish Banks hill a couple of months ago. The dumbass driver readily admitted doing it and they ticketed her.

ChamoisJuice said...

CALL ME CRAZY, but how I deal with those maniacs, is by avoiding them! It is rat race nature to get pissed off by someone getting in your way, slowing you down. Who amongst us has not lost their shit at a little old lady who has no business behind the wheel and is disrupting traffic flow.
BIKES SLOW CARS DOWN, ERGO BIKE RIDERS PISS OFF CAR DRIVERS. This is not a difficult concept to understand.
If you take routes in which cars do not frequent, you avoid these head aches. I am aware this is easier said than done, when you chose to live in the most populated area on earth. You could always ride the rail to trails and bike paths, BUT OF COURSE, Lance's can't do that, because there's too many slow people getting in the way.

P. Bateman said...

i like it when the Snobdonger is kind of in a pissy mood about the various asshats that roam the earth.

honda drivers in particular are some of the worst asshats because they are never, ever, ever good drivers (NSX drivers i'll give you a pass, but that was called an Acura here anyway). I think its due to the type of person that would even consider a boring front wheel drive car - they tend to be the sort of people that dont like cars very much and therefore never really care much for driving and never really develop any real skill at it. god i hate hondas (except for the NSX - which is maybe one of the best cars ever made).

and a honda pilot? so fucking lame.

Serial Retrogrouch said...

hey... the fixiratie are missing the spoke cards!!!

Serial Retrogrouch said...

...whoollly wooollly mamoths... BABS... i hope you're good...

...sending you best wishes to realign yourself...and your vision.

muak!

RoadQueen said...

Anon @ 2:53:

Sarcasm really is lost on you, isn't it? Or maybe you forgot what it was? Seeing as how there hasn't been enough around here lately, at least according to the Anons.

In any event, in no way did I call BSNYC an asshole, so if you're trying to put words in my mouth, I'm afraid I'll have to spit them back out at you.

Twisting phrases and parsing words together to make them mean what you want isn't very nice, nor does it imply intelligence on your part. If fact, I know some very dumb people who can use that immature verbal debate tactic quite skillfully.

Ride Safe! :D

Serial Retrogrouch said...

Snobby... that trail in the park in the bronx in the last week's post... that shit is awesome... i rode it at dawn on sunday... ended up running over the parts that have the cross members of the train tracks... that shits was so much fun on my fat 650b tires... i was laughing, screaming and giggling like a little boy.

...then i continued and did 200 miles in one sitting... and i did fuckup my knee.. tis all swollen now... will have to take the bus all week.

...but damn that was fun... i hope they don't pave it.

Anonymous said...

RQ, atta girl! Sure took you long enough to reply and show your true colors.

RoadQueen said...

Anon,

What, exactly, are you trying to prove? My tongue-in-cheek posts caused you distress, then my real post caused you the same.

Then when I called your BS, you think now somehow I've revealed something?

What, pray tell, is it? What you have uncovered (or think you have uncovered) is not obvious to me.

RoadQueen said...

Ya know what? On second though, I don't even care.

Back to ignoring the Anons and other regularly scheduled programming.

Anonymous said...

I'm pretty sure that the bike rider was just giving the driver the finger in case he didn't realise that he was there.

Anonymous said...

RQ, what to prove? You're human. That those who profess to spread love have just as large a capacity for cruelty as anyone.

Luke said...

@anon 4:02,

Yoda, is that you?

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Thanks g @3:02

29 pubjofe

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Oh btw g nice bronze!

Hand Solo said...

Luke, Anon 4:02 sounds more like your father.

RoadQueen said...

I don't ever remember claiming to be non-human, nor to be totally above retaliating when purposefully and maliciously provoked.

But, I do remember to rein myself in eventually. Thank you for the life lesson, oh great Master of Compassion and Mercy.

I do, however, still believe that people should be kinder to each other. So, I forgive you. Maybe your mother has cancer, who knows. There's got to be a reason you are the way you are, and I'm not going to question it. I'm just going to accept it and move on.

Toodles, wishing you peace, love and happiness, whoever you are.

Anonymous said...

Am I sensing some kind of backlash against anonymous commenting, does having a catchy moniker make you a known person? I'll have to work on that. Anyway, fuck the police.

Comment deleted said...

Anon @ 4:02: you'll have to do better than that to explain your hard-on for RQ, since she is hardly sweetness and light all the time.

I think you just have a problem with women.

g. said...

rct,
Thanks. I only hope they let me keep it once the dust settles.

middle aged German tourist said...

It's not even wednesday and I've already got the Munch-ies.

@ babs:after serious concussions I see people coming back to my practice complaining about headaches and dizziness as long as 3 to 4 weeks. Don't spend too much time in front of any monitor ;-) and get well soon

MAGgoT

Comment deleted said...

Anon @ 4:31: I only have a problem with anonymous posting when it is used as a platform for bullying other posters. In general, there has been some great anonymous posts here.

If you attach an identity (of some kind (doesn't have to be your name) to your posts, you are answerable for what you say. If you don't, I think it's cowardly to take shots at people.

Anonymous said...

"People still suck;"

a little girl who had to hide out and was executed by the worst people still thought people were OK. Let's see, I think she lived in Holland during WWII. I bet she would have been delighted to have to only deal with honking car drivers and anonymous cyber bullies.

crosspalms said...

Godwin, I think someone's trying to break your law again.

Comment deleted said...

aaand...Godwin rears his inevitable head.

Comment deleted said...

crosspalms, you beat me to it.

Vegas said...

Sorry to hear about your leaky back, Wildwater Dampcat Machine. The Hydrapak Reservoir
has a foldy top so you never havta wonder if it's screwed tight enough.

And thanks for eviscerating that honking idiot.

Babs, I hope you are exaggerating your symptoms. If not I would consider returning to a medical professional. In my worst crash, I was knocked out for 45min. My teammates said I was moving and talking, but I remember none of it. The hospital kept me overnight for observation, and even though I could walk and talk and see fine the entire time, they still did not want to let me leave the next morning when someone came to pick me up.

Especially if yours is getting worse. Maybe they advised you that this is a "normal" symptom and to wait a day or two to see if it subsides, but if not I would make sure that they know about this before brushing it off.

wishiwasmerckx said...

In case you're wondering why Snob took the day off yesterday, I spotted him with his 17 offspring in tow at the Columbus Day parade on Fifth Avenue, right by Bloomingdales.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Babble, $80.00 for an ambulance ride?

Here, that's the upcharge for diddling you in the back while you are passed out.

wishiwasmerckx said...

...and 100th!

Roille Figners said...

Such weighty issues being discussed here. Clearly every superfluous activity in life (defined as anything beyond that required for basic survival) is recreational -- a choice. That includes hate, love, being a Nazi(*), or fighting Nazis(*), as opposed to e.g. running away from Nazis(*); getting pissed off at bicyclists/motorists/trolls or showering compassion upon same. Nothing is absolute (or absolutely true) and by at least one interpretation is therefore kind of a lie.

This blog is partly dedicated to recreational hating -- one of my favorite pastimes, especially where the hatee is deserving according to my own little false worldview (which is the right one, so screw you). Beyond that, what can you say? The most you can hope for is to tell lies with enough style that somebody agrees, or laughs. Snobz accomplishes one or both most of the time, some commenters too occasionally, the trollish ones I can occasionally agree with but seldom laugh. So, I dunno, in summary, everybody STFU including me.

EVR1 STFU



(*) GODWIN'S LAW

Sanguine Fraud said...

I think this particular anon is simply proving the hypothesis that Snob set out in the title of today's post.

The circle is closed.

QED

crosspalms said...

roille,
OK, I'll just link quietly.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Bikes slow cars down. For once, I agree with CJ. ( ok, twice. The best position with a Thai prostitute is indeed ankles on ears.)

There is seldom conflict on the open road. The frustration comes at intersections where bike and car are competing for the same real estate. This is why I advocate ALWAYS running red lights and stop signs.

Comment deleted said...

I kind of wish I had used "Inevitable Head" as a band name when I had the chance.

Kill an SUV before it kills you said...

Rats. It is starving rats that you stuff down the pants of noxious SUV drivers. We're talking S-U-fucking-V drivers after all, You know, the ones who want to be the one who do the killing if there is an accident.

Test Tickle said...

I've been following this blog for several years, well before BSNYC "came out."

A couple of quick observations:

1) The comments section has really gone downhill since Snob's rise to fame.
2) RoadQueen may well be the most annoying and attention-starved person to ever exist.

That is all.

Domino said...

You are an astute observer, Mr. Tickle.

Agreed, 100%

Anonymous said...

Test Tickle, you pass with high marks.
Mr. Comment deleted forgot or is oblivious of BNYC's anonymous beginnings... so have most of these neo-commenters.

Lucas Tarr said...

This has nothing to do with the post, but I wondered if peugeot was still making bicycles. Apparently they are:

http://www.peugeot.com/en/products-services/cycles/peugeot-ae21

Anonymous said...

Dear RoadQueen. No cycling friends to take your picture?

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...


Here's a nice tune that reminds me of the bsnyc comment board.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Hey Lucas, That's a sweet cob you got there.

Mr Nofish said...

Interesting coincidence (well for me, as I suppose nobody else will give a fuck), today I was riding on a country backroad that's very popular with roadies, the pavement is kind of sucky so I checked over my left shoulder, spotted a diminutive (think Fiat 500) car well behind, proceeded to navigate around a rough patch and then fell back to the right.

What do I know, the driver catches up with me shortly after and honks at me while passing, to which I simply responded by extending my left arm and hand out as to show him there was plenty of space for him to drive his little machine without going even near to the ditch or - god forbid! - even have to feather the brake.

Unlike Snob, I can usually tell the nunances of the honking (the switch on off yeah but the actual air pushing thing isn't) and that was not a warning. I don't understand what it was supposed to mean, if not "go home now and never leave again please", what other purpose could have it served?

Ever living in doubt,
Mr Nofish

Anonymous said...

Babs- give up the damned helmet and you'll give up the concussions. Sure, you'll have roadrash on your noggin, but your skull is better at protecting your BRAIN than a bike helmet. (At least the kind we have now).

RoadQueen said...

Dear Anon @ 8:47, yes I have cycling friends, and sometimes they take my picture.

They use the pictures they take for their own purposes. I don't feel the need to hound others for pictures of myself.

ouabacher said...

Let's hope everyone gets a good sleep and comes back a little less grumpy tomorrow. This excludes you, WCRM, cause that's why we come here.

Anonymous said...

STRATUS FEAR!

Angie Kritenbrink said...

I have a sudden urge to hound people for photos of myself and honk at every SUV I pull up behind when I drive our Ford Focus on the weekends.

ChamoisJuice said...

As far as I can tell, today's ugly and boring comments were about:

-BikeSnobNYC blog: anonymity, meteoric rise, Eben Weiss, reversion to non animated GIF compatible print media that pays the bills, trading in Vito the helper monkey for miniBikeSnob puking & pooping everywhere, putting errythang in it's mouth.

Trajectory of comment volume, quality, anonymity vs. defined identity.

ANNNNND A WHOLE LOT OF TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 2, 2007

Fixedgeargallery...of dogged determination.

The infamous Kludgie, my favorite BSNYC post. 81 comments, and last 25 or so are spambots. Only named commentor don't checks in anymore.

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 30, 2008

I Am Highly Specialized: The Right Tool For the Right Job

Thinking more about this, I think this really is the high water mark for the blog in terms of BSNYC content and quality of comments.
155 comments, though last 30 or so are spambots. Several named commentors are still following the blog: Ant1, wishiwasmerckx(santicmonious dillhole, and it makes me laugh that anons were usurping his fucktarded name into wishiwaspithy back then), bikesgonewild, leroy, Commiecanuk, Jim, and I think that's it. Alot of good anon comments, and anon but change the name to random celebrity or cyclist for comedic effect. Several named commentors that actually were funny, no longer comment. I miss Jolene and Dimitri. Whoever that dood was I figured lived near a bunch of rednecks and russians. I'm pretty sure he had 4 or 5 other alter egos. I think that exaggerated accents and feigned ignorance can be preeeeetttty funny. I posted maybe 4 times, anon or fake name.

Both of these posts, BSNYC is joking on a fantastically creative and bizarre bicycle and the traits the machine projects about it's creator.


THURSDAY, MARCH 21, 2013

OK, I Fold: Tears of a Clown


In this post, BSNYC responds to an anon comment I made about his Ritte, which overall I think is a very smartly specced bike and cool lookin', except for the fuxored custom geometry. I am aware that geometry is a personal preference and opinions are like assholes, but I am from NY and I think being an asshole is funny. People REACT to absolutism about opinion.

BikeSnob had responded to my anon comments about his ergo grips or whatever in the comments, but this was the first post responding to my comment.

I was busy at work that day, but the next day I started commenting as ChamoisJuice. I had used that name maybe 15 years ago, along with VasDeferens and UrethraFranklin, in MTB chat rooms late at night when I couldn't sleep, and would make fun of Aussies about what was the better lay, Koalas or Kangaroos? And Crocodile Dundee. It is so easy and funny to piss of aussies. I met a few people off of forums back then, and they were never anything like how they presented themselves on net. I decided to meet people the normal way, and just use forums for buy&sell, geeking out on bike parts, cool pics, vids, new trails, etc. I don't really try to make e-friends. Although, some doods would post pics or vids of them shredding cool trails in a variety of beautiful locations, or pic of their bikes and tech weenie suspension/tire/ custom nerd shit, and when I'd meet them on the trail or at some race or event, we'd already know each other kinda?

ChamoisJuice said...

I was away from the computator the last bit. It was a good long weekend.
"Epic" ride, bout 2500ft climbing, 8000ft descending over 25 miles. The terrain and views were accurately described as awesome. Rolling, undulating ripping singletrack on knife edge ridges with hoodoos and rock formations everywhere. Saw a redneck shooting guns when we went in, and no more people til we came out 6 hours later. Started in the snow and scrubby subalpine and dropped into east side autumn colours once we hit the glades. Large parts of forest had been recently burned by wildfire, and was eerily beautiful, open charred black trunks, with filtered sightlines to the unburnt forest beyond, but leaves burning bright yellows, oranges, reds. We saw a coyote and stopped for brews, food and that new fangled hash oil e-ciggy thang a lot.. we went pretty slow cuz we had several girls on the ride. Good company, good times.

I noticed a bunch of anon's (or mebbe just one) picking up the anon offensive comment slack, my mini vaca left. There is a desire for anon hating.

Anonymity is kind of liberating. You can say things without worrying about affecting your reputation. In real life, people put on a front of normalcy and strength. People hide perceived weakness or insecurities. Anonymity allows you to express ideas. I have shared some stories or "bragged" about things that I don't share with people I know. In some ways I have used these comments as free head shrinker (USA, USA, USA!), except that it's kinda like BSNYC's wattage meter, it only kicks back:

YOUS UCK!

I do think people would be nicer to one another if they were more open about their problems and struggles.

Anyways, I don't think this is fair to BikeSnob, and I'm going to stop. For reals.

I will go back to commenting like in the Highly Specialized days, anon or with random name.
SAYO NARA

wishiwasmerckx said...

CJ, tldnr x2. You are full of yourself and full of shit, which in your case is the same thing.

wishiwasmerckx said...

I haven't been around since the very beginning, but it was early enough that I read all of the back posts in a single setting. Trolls like CJ come and eventually go. In his case, not soon enough.

CJ, you do realize that nobody believes ANY of your stories, right?

How many more times are you going to promise to sign off "permanently?"

wishiwasmerckx said...

I read every one of CJ's posts, and respond to every one that mentions me. I love the attention.

I have poor reading comprehension skills, and in most aspects of life do not pay attention to the details of the people I interact with, or how they respond to my communication. I am fairly boring, dumb, and sanctimonious, and most people wish I'd shut up. One of CJ's most annoying tendencies, is his constant baiting of me. It is just too easy. It is embarrassing how much my sanctimonious blovitating has influenced the character development of CJ.

I regret posting this, because it is only going to make that boring blowhard talk about himself more.

wishiwasmerckx said...

I am so imperceptive to human interaction, I cannot recognize honest writing or understand how one who is demonstrably good at provoking certain reactions, understanding what people don't like, might be good at understanding what people do like and want.

ATEN TION

1. be attractive
2. Make eye contact
3. smile
4. wink
5. hi my name is..
6. ask question about her
7. listen
8. compliment unique quality
9. listen
10. tell joke related to story she told.
11. laugh, touch her arm
12. judge reaction
BONE ZONE, or not.

I refuse to believe that bike nerd may be capable of listening to women and giving them attention they want, in more ways than one, because I am a bike nerd incapable of giving them the attention they want. I am so distanced from my primality and instinct and caught up in cat 6 race of life, I cannor admit I have a thing for thai lady boys... only the ones with smaller weiners than mine, tho. They are pretty hard to find. GGGGGGOOOOOOODDDDDDDD why were you so cruel to me????

babble on said...

Snobbums, sweet pee, I love that you tell all those mushy-putz fucktards of the world just what they can stick up their arses. You rock.

82 Medici - it's gotta be a speedy recovery cause speedy is my happy place and I can't do speedy when I'm wobbly.

Crosspalms, Grouch, anon, et al: Thank you for your kind thoughts and wishes. Many kisses. XXXX

Leroy, if yer dog sends me a t-shirt I'll strip down and put it on without paws.

Vegas, unfortunately there was no exaggeration. I saw my own doc just after I last posted and he advised me to cancel my afternoon plans and return immediately to the hospital. I had the equivalent of three hundred x rays in a few CT scans and we are no further ahead, except now a neurologist wants me to take a fuckload of aspirin over the next few months to ensure I don't develop a blood-clot which leads to stroke.

Fucks with all the prolotherapy I've had and have planned, but I can do prolo again another time, just so long as I'm still alive, right?

Hans Solo said...

Are wishiwasmerckx and CJ the same person? Christ that would be like Star Wars or so me thing

Yoda

Anonymous said...

wiwm is right about NO ONE believing CJ's stories.

Chamois Juice said...

I don’t read those stupid things. Why would you? don't you have anything better to do?

himgbays 135

McFly said...

I wonder how many unprompted golden showers Sweet Pee has recieved.

ChamoisJuice said...

You liar!!!

MathGenius said...

RQ, way to go, you managed ignore anon for 36 minutes.

ce said...

The Shyamalanian twist is that there are only really two commenter's posting here: me and you. All the commenters that aren't you are my other personas.

ce said...

Babble On, sorry if that mind blowing revelation causes you more brain trauma, the best I can offer in commiseration, and as a act of solidarity, is to sacrificially kill an offering of my own brain cells through the ceremonial practice of imbibing in several cans of VICTORIA BITTER.

Jason Rumfelt said...

I don't think I have ever heard you say "fuck" so many times in one post. But it's such a great word for hammering home a point! So, keep that fucking shit up!

McFly said...

Babble you should move your head back and forth in a fast stroking motion to realign all your sensory calibrations. Make sure you keep it straight. An arbor might be helpful. Don't be alarmed if you are still seeing double, though. LIKE YOU WOULD BE ALARMED HAHAHAHA LOLZ!

Anonymous said...

Now that we have the Citi Bike share, the non-New York commenters should visit the Big Apple and ride around for a few hours; might help them relate to the snark and sarcasm.

ce said...

Super Friends Club 4eva!

pjt said...

Babs, sorry to hear about the crash. But love the positive tude "kicking some serious ass when I crashed". Hope you're back in the saddle soon. If you ride while seeing double does that mean you can multiply your mileage by 2 when your done?

Police gave her a ticket. Wow! Lucky you live outside of the NYC border, in the city cops would still have you in a cell.

crosspalms said...

I think "blovitating" is my new favorite word. Later today, if I have time, I'll try blathering on about something (frame geometry maybe) until I rise up into the air and float away. With the strong west wind I could be in New York by next week, sample one of those Citi Bikes and get my snark and sarcasm fix.

Anonymous said...

crosspalms "gets it"

wishiwasmerckx said...

Wow, CJ posting as me. Doesn't get much lower than that. You are truly a piece of shit.

babble on said...

Even after the three day weekend, people still suck cock.

Mmmmmmmmmm :)

Just sayin'...

babble on said...

Wiwm - don't sweat it, doll. It's plain as day when you're posting and when it's a troll pretending to be you. Your friends know who you are.

Drifter said...

Babs, yeah, ya probably should stay away from your computer screen.

Good luck with that.

Anonymous said...

Nothing to do all day,but kill the buzz of the comments...truly Babylon.

Anonymous said...

Gawd...where's a Horse Snob blog when you need one?