Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Put On Your Wednesday Pants!

See this seal?


See how he's wearing a hat?

I know.  Hilarious, right?

Well, thanks to the good people at Walz bicycle cycling head-capping hats, you too can own exactly the same one as this comical bloated pinniped!


So please order eight today, because you'll want one for each day of the week, and you'll also want an extra one so you can cut off the brim and use it as a yarmulke.

Speaking of relentless self-promotion, on Saturday, November 9th I'll be talking at the Philadelphia Bike Expo:


You don't want to miss this, if only because I'm this close [indicates tiny distance with fingers] to going Full Recluse, and this could be your last chance ever to watch me make a complete schmuck of myself.

Also, I'll try to bring some free stuff to give away.

I'm proud to say that I've spoken at every single Philly Bike Expo since Ben Franklin founded it in 1782, but I'm ashamed to say that I haven't traveled down to Philadelphia by bicycle for any of them.  I'd love to say that this year will be different, and that I'll finally get it together to ride there, but knowing myself as well as I do I'd say there's a 99.999% chance I'll just say "fuck it" and drive down in The Car That I Own.

Anyway, I hear there's some gravel between here and Philly, and I don't own a dedicated gravel bike so...

In other news, last Friday I mentioned my Rapha pants have incurred a puncture in the scrotanular region:


Though in so doing they still lasted longer than my Levi's "cycling jeans," which failed right around the "pants yabbies:"


In defense of both garments, I did wear them a lot--though I wear my other non-"cycling specific" clothes a lot too, and the same thing eventually happens within approximately the same time frame, so the alleged merits of fancy bike pants are spurious at best.  However, in defense of the Rapha pants, while they eventually did fail like all other pants do, my long-suffering spouse was actually disappointed when it happened because she thought they looked "good" on me.  In fact, she liked them so much she suggested I attempt to repair them, but despite repeated attempts I just couldn't get my Park Tool Pre-Glued Super Patches to stick.

Even so, a garment that can remain attractive despite having my unfortunate physique stuffed into it deserves credit for that reason alone, so I figured it was worth mentioning.

In any case, it's entertaining to see how many rival fancy-pants companies have it in for Rapha, since no sooner did I mention the crotch hole than a whole slew of them (well, two) came rushing in to gloat and tout their own ostensibly superior leg-covering devices.  One of these was "Osloh," an upstart clothing brand now soliciting for fundage on the Kicking Starter:



I admit I was mesmerized by the Thigh-Rubbage Cam™:


As well as the chamois with proprietary purple crotch-caressing technology:


But what the designers of Osloh jeans fail to understand is that I'm a person who's given up on life.  I've given up on trying to look fashionable, I've given up on wearing special jeans for special things, and I've especially given up on operating complicated clothing with highly specific snaps and closures:


Seriously, I'm lucky if I manage to get my fly closed in the morning.

The other company that checked in was "Swrve," because leaving vowels out of your name to save weight is what all the cool clothing companies are doing now:
How fucked up is it that anybody wants to give an ornery, schlubby curmudgeon like me pants when there are probably people with painstakingly oiled beards who would give one of their many star tattoos for jeans like this:


Anyway, thanks but no thanks, everybody can keep their bikey jean-pants.  I'm going back to Utilikilts and that's that:


(Thanks to Utilikilts, men no longer have to remove their pants while giving birth.  Just spread 'n drop!)

Moving on to equipment, Lennard Zinn is here to tell you why you need electronic shifting for cyclocross now:


I have mixed feelings about this.  On one hand, I miss the days (and they weren't too long ago) when cyclocross was still a "just show up with whatever and have fun" kind of thing.  On the other hand, one of my favorite forms of cycling prose is the you-have-to-have-this-one-incredibly-expensive-piece-of-equipment-because-it-could-theoretically-be-advantageous-in-one-highly-specific-scenario genre:

A couple of weekends ago, we had a race here at the nearby Flatirons Mall on a grassy hillside above the Denver-Boulder Turnpike. One corner was an uphill buttonhook around a tree after dropping off of a downhill sidewalk and descending along the sidehill. I noticed most riders in my category repeatedly pumping their lever to shift from their smallest cog to their largest in anticipation of the buttonhook that required coming to a near stop and then turning sharply left uphill. They couldn’t pedal hard down toward the corner due to the decreasing gear as well as all of the hard effort from their right arm. I, on the other hand, could pedal most of the way to the corner in a high gear, and just as I started applying my brakes, I could just hold down the right downshift lever and keep turning my feet. It doesn’t require nearly the force, concentration, or time to make the shift all of the way from one end of the cogset to the other, and I closed some gaps on that downhill that way.

So yeah, you'll want to drop the five grand on that electronic Campy group just in case you ever find yourself on the "uphill buttonhook around a tree" near the Flatirons Mall in Wherever, CO.

Only problem is that sometimes when it rains it completely stops working:

With one exception, riding in rain or wet mud has also not been a problem. In a huge mountain rainstorm, my electronic system once failed and I was told by a Campagnolo representative that it would be a warranty item because the housing on the Power Unit that contains the battery must have a crack in it that allowed water in. 

So yeah, rain can be a problem, but you'll make mincemeat of those "buttonhooks."  Because your forearm won't be tired from all that shifting.*

*(Hint: if operating mechanical shifters is too exhausting for you, you're not wanking enough.)

Lastly, while looking for someplace to invest my most recent million I came across the Fubi:


The Fubi purports to be the world's most compact full-size folding bike, and it was invented by a Finn who has known nothing but sorrow and pain, partially because his bikes keep getting stolen, but mostly because he lives in Finland:


But instead of drowning his misery in vodka he invents Fubi, the folding bike you can fit in a tennis racket bag:


Except for the wheels, of course, but at no point in his presentation does he ever address the question of where you're supposed to put the wheels:


He does, however, show you that the bike is ideal for riding on a lovely Finnish summer day;


There's also a Fubi for Freds:


And you can even take it "offroad in the forest:"


However, the Fubi is not certified for riding on gravel surfaces, because the Fubi inventor has not yet licensed the proprietary gravel bike technology from Specialized you'll soon need in order to do so.

Anyway, one of the selling points of the Fubi is that it eliminates the embarrassment of riding on a bike with tiny wheels, though unfortunately it replaces that with the shame of riding on something that looks like it was built surreptitiously by a prisoner in his cell:


As far as the problem-which-dare-not-speak-its-name (that being "What the fuck am I supposed to do with the wheels?"), presumably someone will invent a pair of cycling pants with special wheel-carrying straps so you can just wear them around town.

Problem solved.

171 comments:

Anonymous said...

Podium!

g. said...

Back for #2?

Flyover BC said...

Podium again?

Dale said...

Top Ten!! Yessssss!!!!

ken e. said...

not close enough!

ubercurmudgeon said...

So that is why Walz are spamming my email account. Yes, I bought a cap from you. Yes it is nice. But that doesn't mean I want a lifetime correspondence with your marketroids.

DB said...

Checking the National Book Awards to see if Snob's book was listed.

Anonymous said...

Top 10 ?

jimmyvoir said...

top 10! yeahhh

Anonymous said...

anon top ten motherfuckers

RoadQueen said...

Top 20!!!

McFly said...

Try some Ben Davis Originals. Your welcome.

Joseph Morley said...

Ask the goat. I got buttonhooked.

Buffalo Bill said...

Remember kids, alternate hands when wanking to ensure even muscle growth.

Comment deleted said...

Is that your Citibike key, or are you just glad to see me?

Yeah Cleveland! said...

Nuthin to see here...

Anonymous said...

Olaf the Finn acts like he's got a set of 29er wheels shoved up his ass.

leroy said...

My dog justs cuts a hole for his tail in whatever jeans he borrows.

He says I don't have to buy Rapha because he looks good in anything.

Sometimes he's such an Assos.

82medici said...

I am starting a kickstarter to develop folding wheels that will fit in a tennis-ball can. Send me your money!

PTD said...

Has Lennard Zinn never heard of bar end shifters or thumb shifters? They shift fast from one end of the cogset to the other in one quick motion.

moosedrool said...

It's hard to be happy when your testicles are under constant threat of freezing. Happy Wednesday!

top 20? honorton hears a who

Flyover BC said...

Now we know what you mean when you say you're not wearing pants.

But I'll wager you've not won first prize.

Otherwise any man who wears a kilt and isn't playing pipes, tossing a caber (hammer, stone, or sheaf), or was born in Scotland, is a cross-dressing poofter.


Marcel Da Chump said...

Free shipping on the BSNYC cycling cap!

Anonymous said...

It's a good thing that cross doesn't happen under wet conditions then.

Mammal Hammer said...

Is Olaf bangin' the girl in the long pink socks? He should be. He probably beats around the bush and treats her like a lady while the bike thief has been booty-callin' her ass for 6 months.

RoadQueen said...

I'm starting to wonder about the surface texture of your saddles, Snob.

It seems they'd have to be pretty abrasive to saw through denim and other yabbie-covering garments with such ease and frequency.

As for not being 'into' the bike-specific clothing scene or trying to look fashionable at all...come one, man!

FREE PNTS

Whaddaya thinkin'??

Ride safe and keep that fly in the Upright position!

3G said...

The maill is in Broomfield, CO. The "Pants Yabbies" of the Front Range

Dave said...

Hmmm - Fubi. Fouled Up Beyond Idiocy? Actually I think it's kind of cool, because the Finns are so uncool they come back around the scale to the uber-cool end. And one could add a super-studded rear tire and a little front half-ski, for use when reenacting certain James Bond movies and the like. All you need is a parapente and you could ride the thing down an avalanche slope and off a thousand-foot cliff. While shooting your Uzi!

leroy said...

I bought a Walz cap at a bike expo in NY a couple of years ago.

Still wear it. Still like it. Guy from San Diego manning their booth was friendly and helpful.

My dog says the cap makes me look like Yehuda Moon, but I think he just wants to borrow it.

He also tells me that starting a comment with "I bought a Walz cap in NY a couple of years ago" reminds him of Peter Falk's line from "The In-Laws" about once buying a comb from J.C. Penney in Detroit.

Anonymous said...

As always great post... would love to hear what you think about this article from a Toronto paper. I have my own thoughts but i'm sure yours would do it more justice.

http://www.thestar.com/news/gta/2013/10/09/foot_soldier_declares_war_on_sanctimonious_cyclists_dimanno.html

crosspalms said...

Last night on the way home I rode my commuter bike on some gravel. Nothing bad happened, but do I have to pay a fine or something?

If you came out with a couple more products (socks would be good), there'd be enough for us to have an annual convention. We could all be like Trekkies and show up with our hats, the books, the notebooks, the coffee, the pants-with-holes. Then we'd all shop for Vito plush toys and Spencer bobblehead dolls. You'd have that second million in no time!

Serial Retrogrouch said...

...inventor didn't need to mention it... finland has disposal bicycle wheels vended through machines.

RoadQueen said...

Congrats to g. and Flyover BC!

Nice podio, gents! XO

1958 TexesAC

Test Tickle said...

I find it interesting that people are so distraught over anonymous commenters when the creator of this blog was anonymous when it began. But those same people probably wouldn't even know that...

I've been following this blog for several years, well before BSNYC "came out."

A couple of quick observations:

1) The comments section has really gone downhill since Snob's rise to fame.
2) RoadQueen may well be the most annoying and attention-starved person to ever exist.
3) Jolene was the best.

That is all.

Smokestack said...

Really Snobby. Swrve make awesome goods. I've a pair of their soft shell knicks, pants, and MKE hoodie, and the stuff lasts. Bonus- they try to make their stuff stateside. Double bonus- they seem to give a hoot about your experience with their products. Triple Bonus- they ain't priced Raphaesque for the most part. I'd take those dungarees for a spin if I were you.

Comment deleted said...

Hi TestTickle (or CJ, as it is quite clear): you conflate (probably on purpose) anonymity with pseudonymity. Snob used the latter, originally; you are abusing the former to pretend to be several people agreeing with yourself.

Which is lame, and cowardly.

Anonymous said...

More close-ups of Snob's pants' crotches or Ima … no, actually that was sufficient.

Krakow said...

The gent in the utility kilt seems to be standing in the middle of the Memorial to the Murdered Jews of Europe, in Berlin. I always thought this was predominantly an American (and Japanese thing)---taking fun, smiling vacation snaps at death camps, memorials to dead people, etc.---though of course it's not. Everyone sucks, etc.

RoadQueen said...

Dear Mr. Tickle,

Your posts seem to be stuck on repeat. That's the exact same thing you said yesterday.

Just being friendly and letting you know, in case you didn't realize it.

Kinda embarrassing, like having something stuck in your teeth, or having toilet paper stuck to the bottom of your shoe.

Love Always,

RoadQueen XOXOXO

youcancallmeAl said...

thirty dollars for a cotton cap?? time to get a real job pal!

crosspalms said...

Somebody give Test Tickle a cookie, he's posted the same complaint two days running.

crosspalms said...

Whoops, RQ beat me with the cookie.

Test Tickle said...

@Comment deleted,

Hardly. If you venture back to the "golden days," you'll see my comments well before CJ was a blip on the screen; and hey, I even placed "first" one day in the comment race! Yay me.

Just making some observations, that's all. You know, voicing my opinion. I don't need anyone to know who I am. I have friends for that.

And by they way, CJ comes in a close second, right behind RoadQueen for annoyance.

Thanks for the rebuttal.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Wow! Killer graphics on that cap.

samh said...

Love your books. Drawing the line at the Walz cap, Snob. For pants that will stand up to years (yes, years) of saddle abuse look no further than Arbor Wear Tech Pants.

Test Tickle said...

@crosspalms. Thanks for noticing, although there was some prose added.

@RoadQueen. You prove my point.

Comment deleted said...

Well, Test Tickle, if I'm wrong about you being CJ, I apologize. It's a problem with anonymity, though (and let me clarify that just picking a pseudonym and making one or two posts is still basically being anonymous). You're not establishing and being responsible for a reputation; how the fuck do we know you are who you say you are without some consistency?

If all you do is show up occasionally to bitch about the good old days, might I suggest you find another blog more suitable to your tastes, or at least, ignore the comments.

the Commentariat said...

$29.99 for a cotton cycling cap that costs a few pennies to produce? I'd rather eat my own shit. Somebody please let me know when they go on clearance.

wishiwasmerckx said...

CJ, could you please post some more inane shit under my name? The other commenters really find that a hoot, and they find you even more endearing as a result, as if that was even possible.

Yarpo said...

Top 50thteenth!

Scranus!

JB said...

My cat's breath smells like cat food.

Anonymous said...

Test tickle, play nicely or your mother and I will suspend your Nintendo privileges.

Cycling caps make me look like I have a pin head.

Serial Retrogrouch said...

...olaf neglected to mention the MOST important piece of information regarding fubi (is it fibi if it's female?):

how long does it take to fold and unfold this contraption?

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Not too sure of the compatibility of the utilikilt with recumbent riding.

However I do suggest clicking on the link which opens on the photo gallery and scroll down to 13th row far left.

Comment deleted said...

Yeah, Grouch, it looked remarkably like putting a regular bike together. I hope, at least, that it only requires one wrench size.

Serial Retrogrouch said...

mcfly,

it seems so many of the robot detectors are words out of your mouth:

722 entise
3 butsllap

seriously?

McFly said...

I smack my wifes' at least 4-6 times a week. It's got to where she gets upset if I DON'T smack it. Maybe she she also needs some more durable jeans. OR NONE.

Mike in Dallas said...

Fubi doesn't look too bad, but I can get a Surley LHT Deluxe in my frame size for the same price. Two S&K couplers, a couple of Richey cable quick disconnects, and I'm rolling...

PissedAnk said...

Buh buh buh buh buh buh buh buh buh buh my butt.

Yarpo said...

"Crotch-Caressing Technology."

I'm going to walk around all day murmuring that, over and over.

Caught up now with yesterday and today's entries and com-meh-nts...two podio spots for g.!!!!

Babble! Holy Shit & Fucka Ouch!!! Here's to wishing you a safe and speedy recovery.

Roille Figners said...

You know if there's one thing more than any other that makes these comments boring, it's muthafuckas crying that the comments are boring. Shut the fuck up ya mook! Whado I look like, your mama? Get the fuck outta heah!(*)


(*) NYC style

g. said...

Yarpo,
I have decided to not feed the trolls today in hopes that I can get the whole set tomorrow with a top step. It's a simple thing, but it's all I got.
......back in the day....

Roille Figners said...

Remember for a while there all the cycling-specific pants had like, articulated knees? Because unlike other parts of being alive, cycling requires bending your knees, and regular pants are made of a super rigid and unbending substance (fabric), which is why everybody walks around all stiff-legged? Member that?

RoadQueen said...

RCT, the Utilikilt/Recumbent compatibility depends on the perspective and the desired audience.

For a 'bent-starved female spectator's standpoint, the Utilikilt being blown up and back in the front would be a dream come true.

For the rider and the rest, maybe not so much.

DB said...

Stock market is way up today.
Ordered 20 hats.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

What worries me most is the bee catching potential of the Utilikilt while in the recumbent position during the summer months. On the plus side there's plenty of pockets to carry my epi-pen.

RoadQueen said...

Yeah, using the the Utilikilt as a means to catch bees wouldn't be fun.

You'd have plenty of air on your scranus, though. No chance for Fumunda to cultivate.

Yarpo said...

g. Good Luck on getting that Top Podio Step. I recommend practicing your ethereal handlebar throwing moves, it could easily make the difference between Victory and Meh.

Bon Chance!

Oh yeah, in reference to yesterday's WCRM Rant-O-Fest: Snob, helments DO matter.

g. said...

rct,
Do you have to give the injection at the point of injury? If so, I think the risk would certainly outweigh the reward in that case.

SACK SHOT

Anonymous said...

You should get a model of hat that has your logo on it. I like the logo.

Also, my Cadence pants lasted a long time. The ultra skinny jeans are now not as cool as they once were, as skinny jeans are more popular.

Sigh

DerZoots said...

I don't understand when the regulars get riled up and say anon is so & so or whatshisname and think they are right.
Are you people checking IPs?



Robotcatchphrase: LVavan 9

RoadQueen said...

Upon further reflection, I'm wondering if Mr. Test Tickle is suffering from a fairly common condition known as DSB.

That seems to be one of the leading causes of simultaneous cerebral constipation and oral diarrhea.

I hope he's ok.

Comment deleted said...

Zoots, no, just observing patterns. And getting it wrong, sometimes.

wishiwasmerckx said...

I am almost positive that Der Zoots ans Anna Zed are the same person just commenting under different names.

mikeweb said...

Is going Full Recluse anything like going Full Monty?

Because I've already done that.

Jacko said...

I don't think the comments are boring at all. I love em. Some people just don't know when to keep their mouths shut. They say they're gonna ignore anon and not feed the trolls, but how long does that last. 36 minutes? They simply can't help themselves and they talk smack like they own the place. After awhile, it becomes repetitive and super annoying, but not boring.

xyxax said...

Just had a bit of nostalgia for the Test Sisal.

Anonymous said...

Comment Deleted:

You bring up some interesting points that I'd like to pontoonificate and blovitate about...

Anon vs. pseudomym vs. "real" identitiy. And how it compares to the BSNYC arc; and what that says about Bike Snob's changing audience.

The Kludgie was the first post that made me say "this nyc jew is a comic genius, I am going to read him every day". I'd read the comments sometimes, but thought they were for extremely boring and lonely people. "Highly Specialized" was first post I commented on: an exhaustive list of all the aspects of that freakshow bike, that are "WRONG".
The "Goofy Tiller Effect" is when I took up an "identity". This did corespond with me getting a boring job locked in front of a computer all day.

Looking back, there are very few readers (at least readers, who comment with an "identity") who continue to follow the blog from the 2007-2008 hey day.

Obviously I am a very boring and lonely person, otherwise I'd be doing more productive things with my time, like taking bonghits and watching netflix, so I took a little time to google a few BSNYC "personalities" first posts, and what that might say about them as people; as well as the changing demographic of the blog.

Babble On, JUNE 18, 2012 AT 3:37 PM
http://bikesnobnyc.blogspot.com/2012/06/memories-of-vancouver-all-you-haters.html
Vancouver teasing post. Babble sez Vangroovy is SUPER, read my blog!

Roille Figners, MARCH 25, 2013 AT 12:50 PM
http://bikesnobnyc.blogspot.com/2013/03/this-just-in-riding-bike-makes-you.html
Simple comment "Bored at work!" I can relate...honestly, Roille is one of the only commentors that I would not mind riding a bike with in real life... BSNYC's post is about fucktarded cyclists making the mundane "EPIC" and how annoying that is.

McFly said...
"Laterne Rouge"
OCTOBER 21, 2011 AT 10:43 AM
http://bikesnobnyc.blogspot.com/2011/09/bsnyc-friday-yoga-class.html

Comment Deleted said...
This post has been removed by the author.
JUNE 19, 2009 AT 5:08 PM
http://bikesnobnyc.blogspot.com/2009/06/effetes-of-strength-dandies-of-cycling.html
Here bike snob compares and contrasts the pretensions of NYC lance roadies and New Yorker readers, and their similarities in proving their superiority.


red neckerson said...
dont get the point of trying to fuck gears its like you would get your dick caught in the chainring and it would hurt like hell

OCTOBER 13, 2008 AT 4:57 PM
http://bikesnobnyc.blogspot.com/2008/10/down-with-gears-or-down-with-gears.html
Ok, this was when Bike Snob was really funny, before he was all wrapped up in making the world I kinder, gentler place for the BSNYC v 2.0.

RoadQueen said...
CapitalistPoet,

How the hell do you offend someone with a tie? Did it have nipples on it?

(pleasesayyespleasesayyes)

repngo bath

MAY 9, 2013 AT 11:42 AM

http://bikesnobnyc.blogspot.com/2013/05/spoilt-for-choice-so-many-bikes.html
Here BSNYC rehashes the same David Byrne joke for the umpteenth time, talks about a book event in a boring city, and focused on recumbents. You can see why this post attrated middle aged, middle american with lady boner for recumbent riders.

I hope this was illustrative.

Dooth said...

The Dow Jones is +166.52. Now, I can afford that Walz BSNYC cap. Nice design, Leroy can attest to its fine quality, free shipping! But what I really love about that cap: folks unfamiliar with Wildcat's blog might mistake the acronym for Bullshit NYC.

Test Tickle said...

@RoadQueen, look who's calling the kettle black ... or in this case, brown.

Sorry to have hurt your feelings, it's a cold cruel world out there.

Cheers

search function cut'n'paste said...

Ooo, anon beat me to it.

RoadQueen said...

I'm middle aged?

Did I forget to celebrate a few birthdays somewhere in there?

RoadQueen said...

Mr. Tickle,

Not to worry. You haven't hurt my feelings, rather now that I've come to expect your venom, I'm having quite a bit of fun with you and watching you continue to make an ass out of yourself.

You are quite entertaining.

crosspalms said...

I saw one of these parked near work earlier today. Don't know what I think of it.

RCT, I think that woman needs a utilitop to go with her utilikilt.

Comment deleted said...

Well, that anon post was CJ, or I'll eat my BSNYC hat that I'm not going to buy.

Clues: thinks Jews are inherently funny. Talks about the "good old days". Strings together ideas between bong hits, some of them amusing, but none building to a coherent thesis.

Anonymous said...

Gawd...where's a Horse Snob blog when you need one? A Cock Snob blog would clearout the other one.

Test Tickle said...

@RoadQueen. I often do. However, it's pretty infrequent. Whereas all one has to do is scroll down the comments section each day and see your photo at least a dozen times. In other words, you're much more consistent than I am. I will give you that.

mikeweb said...

Once upon a time back in the 'goofy tiller effect' era when CJ was more angrier and less alternately snide and enlightening, I invited him to critique the bike in my avatar. He shat upon it of course.

I chuckled.

The end.

Anonymous said...

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=394028250726908&set=a.267663743363360.61516.
267605746702493&type=1&theater

RoadQueen said...

TT: You need to check your facts. Except for these past couple of days, my posts have been limited to 0-2 comments per day for weeks.

Thursday October 10 - 0
Wednesday October 9 - 0
Tuesday October 8 - 1
Monday October 7 - 1
Friday October 4 - 8 (Interesting enough, the only reason I commented as many times this day was because of Anon(s) baiting me. Pattern?)
Thusday October 3 - 5 (Responding to other commenters directly engaging me in friendly conversation.)
Wednesday October 2 - 2

I could keep going, but I have other things to do at the moment.

Has Anybody Here Seen Babble said...

No posts by Babble today. Hope she doesn't look at the keyboard and see two of everything, thereby making typing impossible.

Test Tickle said...

@RoadQueen, like investigate how many times you post each day? Have fun with that. Report back to me when you have a proper tally.

Comment deleted said...

RQ, you are committing the unforgivable sin (at least in the Anonymous Misogynist's eyes) of Posting While Having a Vagina.

Will you just shut up and get back in the kitchen?

the Jimboner said...

Back in the day one of my Fubus was really my Fubi because she also fancied vaginas other than her own.

Flyover BC said...

A comment on the comment-taters.

The blog is usually entertaining.

The comments are often brilliant, and a few commentators are clearly brilliant; Leroy's dog for instance.

By the way, I'll suggest to my brother that he wear his kilt (of the whole nine yards variety) while riding his recumbent. Maybe I'll post some pictures, not of him, but the faces of innocent bystanders.

enyoget 325

the Jimboner said...

Also I would like to propose the theory that Snob is wearing holes in his bicycle biking jeans from the inside out.

Roille Figners said...

Dunno quite what to say when the hated "anonymous" (who in my world = Test Tickle = CJ and who cares if I'm wrong, it's the damn apocalypse so I can say what I want, PS: FUCK!) seems to like me. I guess that means I'm awesome??? *weak smile*

Anonymous said...

@Krakow at 1:30 PM: I too noticed that the Utilikilts picture (with a seemingly dead looking baby) was taken at the Memorial to the Murdered Jews of Europe, but as I've traveled quite a few times to Scotland (being greeted by the bold claim 'Welcome to Scotland - The Best Small Country in the World' at Glasgow Airport) I would like to say that good taste is not a primary concern of Scottish people - they are very kind (at least as long they are not too drunk, i.e. until around 5 p.m.), but do not like complicated things - 'Cheers, mate' is all you need to now and to say to get around there ...

RoadQueen said...

@TT:

I just gave you a proper tally. I only post once or twice a day, sometimes none, unless someone directly engages me in conversation.

OH! Silly me, I have shoes on and I'm not in the kitchen. Shucks.

You know, if you still want to read this suckier-than-used-to-be blog, and read the suckier-than-used-to-be comment section, you could just skip my posts if you find them so offensive.

It's really easy. I have an avatar and everything. When you see my avatar, just skip reading that comment.

Problem solved. You're welcome.

Comment deleted said...

C

DB said...

Breaking News:
Snoop Lion changed his name again to Snoopzilla.
That frees up the old names for you, Snob. Snob Dog, Snob Lion.

Roille Figners said...

Just like Sean "Puff Daddy" "P. Diddy" "Diddy" "Doodly" "Ned Flanders" Combs.

RoadQueen said...

@ Roille: You MUST be awesome! I like you too, though.

Guess that means you're really...the Monkey In The Middle, an all-around kind of guy, and you've got something for everyone. :)

Test Tickle said...

@RoadQueen, I thought you had "other things to do"? Couldn't stand to be away too long, could you...

My point just keeps getting proven. Thank you for that.

Roille Figners said...

OH I'VE GOT SOMETHING FOR YOU ALL RIGHT OK OK sorry, I'll leave that to the master (McFly). To risk nauseating my new buddy, I like all-a-y'all's too, even people who think I'm an ass for not giving a shit about fluoride and being ready to die at all times.

rural 14 said...

Rural 1st!
commenter since the beginning (eg, ant 2nd).
c'mon, lighten up; humorous blog about a delightful thing, bicycle cycling. Is there anything better? Even for an old feller like me?
Go out, ride the bike, enjoy the scenery, win yr cat 6 races or don't play...whatever.
All the commenters here are just fine; and quite funny.
but where is ant 1st?

Comment deleted said...

Yeah, Roille you *deserve* to die, at all times, for your opinion on fluoride.

McFly said...

My boy turned down the fluoride coating at the dentist Monday. He told me he was going to do it. He said he felt like he had to take a stand. Plus he said it tastes like shit. So she says, "What if I don't charge you for it?"

Why can't hookers be that cool?

g. said...

McFly,
I don't think you want a hooker that "tastes like shit" even if she or he is free. I'd rather not talk about how I know that...

Comment deleted said...

Reminds me of the time I found out my roommate was gay. His dick tasted like shit.

mikeweb said...

McFly mentioned flouride coating and hookers in the same comment.

Just thought that bears repeating.

All is right with the world.

Chamois Juice said...

Fuck all y'all. I am a social retard, and this is what you get for making fun of me on the playground in the second grade.

RoadQueen said...

Leave it to McFly. :)

@TT: My point is...you don't have one. The only thing you contribute, is "You Suck", etc.

That's not funny or intelligent. Just sayin'.

Anonymous said...

BULLITT ® CHUCK - FAST CARBOBIKES
I fixed the hyperlink (i'm not over 40 like most BSNYC readers, I have rudimentary skills when it comes to tekmology)

One of the things I like about the BikeSnob blog, is his constant teasing on the various tribes, uniforms, material goods, arbitrary rule systems that people define themselves as. Whether they may bay black polyester suits, curly sideburns and funny hats, or mankinis, arm warmers, shoes with one strap, and lack of self respect.

MikeWeb, I like your bike, and was prolly most gentle to it of any bike I dissected. I like that is is a genuine, hand crafted, made in the USA bike, fabricated by the company that is selling it... it harkens back to a times when the U.S. could build products that could compete with the far east on the quality as well as affordability of the product; not by blowing a bunch of smoke up asses.
Your bike is about 800X cooler than a Rivendell.... which are not made in house and fucktardedly over priced. Really? Waxing poetic about pride in craftsmanship, when you don't actually create any content other than an anachronistic old media blog?
It's about 8000X times cooler than a Surly.
Surly reminds me alot of "Hot Topic" or the "vintage" stores in the Village, curating and promoting a "DIY" image, that is actually kind of cool if you actually do it yourself.... but is exceedingly wack if you spend $30 on a made in china T-shirt for an artist that died penniless and drug addicted.
Just because we both ride bikes, does not mean we are friends

Which brings me back to the stupid "Bullitt" "fast cargobike"....
First off, Bullitt is a Steve McQueen movie, in which the first hour depicts Steve trying to be well read, debonaire, sexy, yet sensitive...but is really just lead up to a 30 minute car chase finale This is a window to a certain era of "cool". Millions of american men have conformed their identity to this movie.
google image: "Bullitt"
The Ford Mustang in this movie, "Elanor", was also featured in the 1960's car movie "Gone in 60 seconds" which is amazingly racist, homophobic, and misogynistic. I would highly reccommend watching it to see how far our popular culture has come in the last 50 years.

It was also featured in the Nic Cage and Angelina Jolie remake, and it is interesting to compare the two movies.... the more things change, the more they stay the same....

Anyways, BULLITT has an identity attached to it already, and sure as shit it's not cargo bikes.

There's already been a BULLITT bike: it's a Santa Cruz, started by same guy as Santa Cruz skate boards, as he got older and less rad. This bike is very much "the Mustang: or free ride hucking bikes. Cheap, gets the job done, and a million retards dump waaaaaay too much money into hooking them up. Like the mustang, they get ridden/driven hard/ hucked/do burn outs; in comparison to the more expensive and "better performance" boutique bikes/ferraris/corvettes/

Evel Knievel HEAMENT

A bike is only cool is you can do a wheelie on it. It's extremely hard to be cool on the BULLITT FAST CARGO BIKE, but it is possible....

Test Tickle said...

@RoadQueen, keep going, you may break your own record.

FWIW, who said that I was trying to be funny or intelligent?

Just sayin'.

RoadQueen said...

Well, your main bitch about me is that I'm not funny or intelligent and that I post too much.

Pot? Meet Kettle.

Test Tickle said...

@RoadQueen, actually I never mentioned either of those attributes, although I will reconsider. If you look at my original comment(s), you'll see that I simply stated that you were annoying and an attention seeker. Which keeps becoming clearer by each reply.

Dale said...

Can't we all just get along?

A Very Minor Poet said...

I was sittin' in a bar in Hanoi
playing knucklebones with a girl named Jane
when from afar I saw
a creaky old p-far.
Shit, I said, what's that doing here?
It was red.

The End.

Roille Figners said...

correction: "do a poppa wheelie"

Speaking of McQueen and racism, the movie The Sand Pebbles is full of awesome (i.e. horrible) slurs against the Chinese. Steve talks to them like "Engine no worky, savvy? Me likey you fixy-fixy(*) now, OK chop-chop!"

(*) First known mention of the fixie.

Blog Drafter said...

I remember when this blog was funny, like today when I saw the picture of that Citi-Bike key sticking out of Snobbies pants. Man, I laughed out loud! Genius.

Anonymous said...

Thirty bucks for that cap!
Snobby and wifey must be planning on sending their little one to Horace Mann.

Language was invented for one reason, boys - to woo women - and, in that endeavor, laziness will not do. said...

Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
Rhyming is hard.
So is my dick.

WORKS EVERYTIME!

FREE BEER
FORA YEAR

ge said...

Since it seems to be pick on RoadQueen day, you really shouldn't have made that comment about Snob's saddle at 12:56. Eric the chamferer is out to get you now.

Anonymous said...

Internet etiquette is still a work in progress. One thing is pretty clear: being online, like the streets of New York, is a great equalizer. It's a level playing field; social status has no weight. If one is accustomed to privileged lifestyle, it's only natural to feel entitled to hold sway over a comments page with impunity. The reality that no one gives flying fuck about who you are is a bitter pill to take.

Geddy said...

We are planets to each other, drifting in our orbits toward a brief eclipse; even joined in bonds of love we're alone and yet together... like two passing ships.

Jean Baudrillard said...

One may dream of a culture where everyone bursts into laughter when someone says: this is true, this is real.

The only thing worse than being bored is being boring.

There is no aphrodisiac like innocence.

Dave said...

I live my life like there's no tomorrow. All I got, I had to steal. Least I don't need to beg or borrow. I'm livin' at a pace that kills!

Ian said...

We are all here, we are all GUILTY

Colin Newman said...

I'm tired of being told what to think
I'm tired of being told what to do
I'm tired of fucking phonies
That's right, I'm tired of you

Fred (no relation) Rogers said...

It's such a good feeling, a very good feeling, the feeling you know you're alive

Anonymous said...

I second Horse Snob.

ken e. said...

synopsis of the sand pebbles doesn't come across as all bad, except that missionaries in movies always want to stay instead of go... especially when it is reeeally time to go.

HAKD ILOG

Axl McCartney said...

Live and Let Die

RoadQueen said...

ge: I know, right?

That's ok. I think they've (he's?) decided that I'm a middle aged rich woman who's used to being pampered and overly sexed.

How can I be offended at a completely inaccurate assumption? Obviously they (he) isn't talking about me, because I don't fit the bill...on any account.

Oh well. Sucks to be wrong AND an asshole. :)

Anonymous said...

I was thrilled to learn that Road Queen is female.

Test Tickle said...

@RoadQueen, that's 15. Personal best?

BTNS PSHD

RoadQueen said...

Touche, Anon. It was correct that I'm a female of the species.

Other than that, the profile fell flat.

RoadQueen said...

@TT:

What can I say, you bring out the fighter in me. :)

I can go higher, longer, farther, with you pushing me. :)

dbostrom said...

Pumping frantically, holding down a gold-plated lever, or twisting a grip shift? What gets you across six gears faster but still doesn't mean you have to cripple your wallet?

Rotary is sometimes better than reciprocating. For example, bike wheels go 'round and 'round, not up and down, tra-la-la.

If only grip shifts were in the current cycling herd sphere of conformity they'd be another option. If only. Tragic!

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Geddy @ 6:21. Oh man I'm so stoked you're on here. Your band fuckin rocks!

Schisthead said...

Grip shifts have been the top choice of cheap specs (and have sucked) for decades. Great for going to the grocery store though.

You broke but want to shift a lot? Go bar ends or thumbies like the smarter commenter far above you mentioned.

Anonymous said...

Queen and Tickle, can't wait for the pics from you folding bike kilt ride on the horse trails of Ohio. Yours truly Anon@8:47,

bikerlar said...

makes me want to invent folding wheels

Test Tickle said...

@Anon@8:47, my horse is foldable, formidable, and wears a kilt.

HORS COCK

Vegas said...

HA! Yeah, what does the Zinn Master think singlespeeders did in the downhill-sidewalk-to-uphill-grassy-buttonhook situmacation??? They rest on the downhills and power on the uphills, instead of thinking about which stinking shifter may or may not save them .059 seconds.

My cyclacokrossing bike has mountain biek bars on it, and there is nary a race that someone does not comment on it. Mostly in a derogatory manner. I just laugh because I paid less for my bike w/ an extra wheelset, extra set of tires and an extra derailleur than they paid for one wheelset. Race what u got.

To prove I'm not a robot I lay wit a diffnho every nite.

Anonymous said...

Know you? I don't presume to know you, nor care to. But what I do know about you, judging by your umpteenth comments, is a horror show/comedy.

Anonymous said...

Tickle, WTF is this about hors cock? Today's post is clearly about having a CITI COCK and pants that can't retain them, no matter how hip they are.

Obat Anemia Alami said...

thank's for your share and i really like your information

Angie Kritenbrink said...

You should get Yakkay to make a BSNYC hat like stealth helmet that looks ridiculously nothing like an actual hat like the rest of their product line.

BamaPhred said...

WTF? With all the name calling and anon posting I thought I had been rickrolled to 4chan.

ce said...

Angie, seconded.

Snobbo, never go full recluse, you'll miss us.

hcdr said...

I've owned numerous Osloh products (wore one pair of jeans around the world) and I think they are one of the better products out there - quite versatile, handy features even in non-cycling specific situations. And they do look good.

I don't want to bag swrve, I think they're a good company, and I like my shorts from them, but I don't rate the trousers too highly - the slightly stretchy fabric never looks quite right to me. Very functional, but I'm not a fan of the look.

ce said...

If the release date of the BSNYC hat like stealth healment is still some way off I would settle for a Walz cap in the interim if I can be assured that sales will in some way support the 17 kids, would this be the case?

wishiwasmerckx said...

I find all the navel-gazing of the last two days tiresome.

babble on said...

Heyyyyyy

Are you giving away bicycle-cycling head capping snob hats at the bike expo? Aw man, if only I had a gravel bike I could ride to go and pick one up!

Y'know, the "things that happen" to jeans over and over again are always about the wearer and not the jeans. I like that you wear yours out in yer pants yabbies, snobbums.

I'm not so sure I like this new and improved double your view of the world deal, but it's definitely better with a giggle. You saved the day today, snob.

Blog drafter - Right??! Me, too.
flyover BC ++ :D

JDH said...

Yes! Folding wheels! @McFly - Like folding a band-saw blade? The "spokes" would be like bungee cords.

ce said...

The other option would be multipurpose wheels that you could sit on, or sit at when you arrive at your destination.

Poor kid.

McFly said...

What? I only fold bandsaw blades when I am placing them in the metal scrap tub. I think you have me confused with someone who commented about something besides Epic Sexy Times.

incessantlycommentingregular said...

It just occurred to me that I spend way too much time in here. I really need to get a life.

Anonymous said...

Hi BSNYC,

I clicked on the link..why are your caps on the charity page? I can't see where the proceeds are going? Cui Bono. Shame.

Buy a Painter's Cap, $1.99 said...

$30.00 for a freakin hat!!!! Shark jumping time.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Buy a Painter's Cap, $1.99,

What kind of idiot pays for a painter's cap?

--Wildcat Rock Machine

babble on said...

McFly -Please let yer boy know:

A fluoride soak at the dentist is the one time the stuff actually does your teeth any good. Ingesting it just puts holes in your brain. Fluoride on contact with enamel actually strengthens the enamel on your teeth.

Sorry. I've no idea how it affects the price of your average hooker.

Average Hooker said...

Swabbing my teeth is going to be an extra charge.

babble on said...

Concussions do have their benefits. You get two Snob posts per day for the price of one, for example, but it's not all fun and games. I sure miss my Ti Baby bike, and that go-fast feeling.

I hope you guys are out there for me, riding the miles I'm missing.

bk jimmy said...

I found Jolene to be a bit of a troll.

akon said...

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Mountain Bike Pants said...

When i have started racing so i have weared mountian bike clothes. Now i know what you mean when you say you're not wearing pants. No!I have weared pant for racing.

Niall said...

My Swrve jeans didn't last any longer than plain old Levis nearly a third their price, but they looked good and were at least designed well (if you're not left-handed).

Mountain Bike Pants said...

Nice and great this post. And it's a good thing that cross doesn't happen under wet conditions then. Really Snobby. Swrve make awesome goods. I've a pair of their soft shell mountian bike pants.