Thursday, March 21, 2013

OK, I Fold: Tears of a Clown

When an ordinary person says one thing and does another, it's called "being a hypocrite."  However, when I do it, it's called "being exceptional."  See, I don't have to meet the standards I set for others, because I'm more talented and more important than everybody else.

Consider yesterday's commute, for instance.  It was the first day of spring, and there I was, waiting at a red light and admiring the bike salmon who had been awakened by the vernal equinox:


After the light changed, I began pedaling, and with my smartphone still in hand I decided to place a phone call.

Now, ordinarily I'd be critical of someone making a phone call while riding a bicycle, especially during rush hour in a city that vacillates between indifference and hostility with regard to cyclists.  But it's important to remember that I'm exceptional.  Not only do I have incredible bike-handling skills and years of experience riding in New York City traffic, but my phone calls are also more important than everybody else's.  Consider this phone call, for example, which was about what to have for dinner.  That's the kind of shit that just can't wait.

So I placed the call, and just as I raised the phone to my ear the diminutive front wheel of my tiny folding clown bike hit a minor irregularity in the road surface, and despite my incredible bike-handling skills (which really are incredible, I can't stress that enough) I went down immediately, my state-of-the-art smartphone skittering along the pavement along with some plastic bits from the bike's collapsible pedals.

When you fall off a folding bike while trying to use a cellphone, you immediately forfeit any claim to mercy or assistance from passers-by.  Nobody asks you if you're all right or attempts to help you up--nor should they!  You, as the idiot who just fell off a clown bike while trying to make a phone call, must embrace the fact that you looked so sublimely and entertainingly stupid that to expect people to do anything but point, laugh, and take pictures is completely unreasonable.  Indeed, as you collect your belongings and drag yourself to the sidewalk you're effectively providing a public service.

After performing my public service for the day, I dragged myself here and assessed the damage:


The phone was fine, I had incurred abrasions to my hand and knee, and I had torn my pants, though fortunately not in an area that would expose my genitals.  The plastic bits snapped right back onto the pedal, and the bike was fine--other than the fact that it folds, but believe it or not that isn't a defect.  Once I completed this check, I once again placed the phone call, only to learn that the person I was calling was far too busy to speak to me.

Oh, and if you're wondering whether I was wearing a helment, the answer is, "Of course not."  Riding a folding bike while wearing a helment looks even dumber than falling off of one.

I mean, come on.

In any case, I did learn something about folding bikes, which is that the little fuckers are twitchy, and I totally wouldn't have fallen if I'd been riding a real bike with a sufficiently long stem:


Though I did fall off that one not too long ago when I rode over a wet metal plate.  (Yes, I was wearing a helment, but only because helments match with road bikes.)

I think I may suck at riding bikes.

Also, you feel pretty stupid riding a folding bike with torn pants and a bloody hand, but you feel even stupider when you roll up next to a fixie and a Maserati:


If only I'd been wearing the airbag backpack to which I was recently alerted by a reader:


As far as I can tell, the way it works is that, upon impact, a pair of pneumatic penises burst out of it and surround you from both sides:


(Between a cock and a hard place.)

There's no safer place to be.

Speaking of urban cycling, have you ever longed to count traffic?  Well, if you support this Kickstarter your dreams might finally come true:



It's like Strava, only for amateur urban planners.

Speaking of Kickstarter, in browsing it I stumbled upon an older (and funded) campaign for a movie called "Give Chase," which purports to be "a short action film featuring a relentless bike chase through the fringes of Brooklyn."  Here's the pitch--which, as it turns out, has very little to do with bikes or chasing:


Like most white people of my generation, I'm acutely aware of the problems of racial prejudice in Hollywood and elsewhere--not because I've ever experienced it, but because I used to listen to Public Enemy on something called a "Walkman," which was basically an analog iPod.  Nevertheless, I was a little confused:

But as I started to look deeper into how I fit in this career path, I started to find myself becoming marginalized.  At least the people who looked like me in films--or really any ethnicity other than white--were either the exotic or the fringe or the expendable.  And of all the visual mediums, I found film to be particularly lacking in diversity.

I realize talking about racial stuff is even more dangerous than talking about helments, but I have to admit I was thrown by his rant because at first I thought he was white--sure, maybe not Portland white, but white.  Then again, as he spoke and it became apparent that he wasn't "white," I certainly had no trouble believing he could find someone to be prejudiced against him, since after all this is America, and most Americans are morons.  Still, without knowing anything about him, if I had to describe him to the police and they asked me what race he was I'd probably be like, "Uh, I dunno, white maybe?  He coulda been a Sephardic Jew, I dunno.  Is that considered white?  This is making me uncomfortable.  Look, he was a beautiful manifestation of 21st century diversity and the golden-browning of America, OK?  All I know is he was riding a Trek hybrid with really epic bar ends, which is how he gored me:"


And don't think I'm implying anything by talking about describing him to the police.  It's just the only legitimate scenario I can think of in which you'd be asked to quickly identify a stranger in ethnic shorthand like that.  In fact, I've been in exactly that situation--not the goring, but a cop asking me what race somebody was--and I was similarly unable to answer definitively.  Look, some people are more distinctive-looking than others.  For example, if I had to describe this guy to the police, it would be a little easier:


"He was some albino guy who looks like Conan O'Brien but with no eyebrows and a jersey with a picture of himself on it."

Same with this guy:


"He had a spray-on tan, a whale's baleen for a mouth, and he was dripping in olive oil."

Or this woman:


"It was some naked Canadian chick on a recumbent, I don't know how she got the wallet out of my pants without slowing down."

Nevertheless, in a city like New York not everybody stands out like that, and you simply can't always instantly assess someone's ethnic heritage.

Speaking of labels, I received an email from some company that wants you to name their grip for them:


Given that it looks like pretty much every other grip on the market they're going to have to go with something really distinctive, which is why I suggest they call them "Control Dildos."

They might want to rework the pattern on the grip, though.

149 comments:

Anonymous said...

POOD EEUM

199 usedsin

ChamoisJuice said...

CIPO STEM

Comment deleted said...

Bass solo!

Anonymous said...

POPA WHLY

agentdetroit said...

top ten, bitches!

McFly said...

I want a girl with a short skirt and a loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooonnnnnnggggg

McFly said...

...........jacket

Comment deleted said...

Cake!

Anonymous said...

Limping in...

S├ębastien Lamarre said...

Never the less

Anonymous said...

MORECRASHVIDEOORIMAFUCKINKILLA!

Anonymous said...

Garbage barge!

babble on said...

Hey peeps!

babble on said...

HOOOOOORAY!! Penises!

What better place could there be than the one stuck between a cock and a hard place?? HMMMMM??

Anonymous said...

BSNYC, long stem = goofy tiller effect. Short stem = more stability, less tendency to knife the front end.

Look at any two wheeled vehicle on which people go fast and get rad, and you will notice:
WIDE BARS
SHRT STEM
ELBO OUT!

Now, by comparison, look at a triathlon bike....
pinner bars

Triple Swag Fred said...

Once again, gored by the control dildos.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 12:47pm,

Stop saying "goofy tiller effect."

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Anonymous said...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y-Tj1hG98xE

crosspalms said...

Squishier for your comfort? Hmm

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Wildcat you really should get the Big Dummy out of storage and just ride that. The long wheel base is very stable.

crosspalms said...

knife the front end? Is that how I got my last flat?

Jimboner said...

Leaving for Mt. Roraima, see you suckers in April.

CJ said...

Did anyone ever figure out what the tiller effect was?

ChamoisJuice said...

What else should I call it? BonARed handlemabar placement?

"Tiller effect" is on wikipedia....
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bicycle_and_motorcycle_dynamics
I didn't make it up.

IMO, if your stem is longer than 90mm, YOU ARE FUCKING UP!

Kinda like running a fatter tire in the back. You may have a reason, and you may like it, but it's wrong.

psycho tiller said...

You called?

Marcel Da Chump said...

Lafayette St salmon season.

Gaffer Smythe said...

Yes, let's please find out the effect of taking a Big Dummy on the Metro North.

BikeSnobNYC said...

ChamoisJuice,

I think you should call it "spending too much time reading Internet forums."

--Wildcat Rock Machine

CJ said...

You so made it up...anyone can rite those wiki-things.

Anonymous said...

Angry Bike Wrench. Google it.

crosspalms said...

"A bike is a nonholonomic system because its outcome is path-dependent. "

Thanks, Wikipedia. Pass the Cheetos, Snob.

Anonymous said...

I like OURYs. Good for my man hands. Stop inventing new grips please.

GETA GRIP

Serial Retrogrouch said...

snob,

you talk about penises (penisi?) way too often... what's going on?

just sayin...

oh, and you suck at bicycle cycling as well as... well... life.

yours truly.

Comment deleted said...

I'd really like to know what ChamoisJuice thinks about my frame geometry. I've been having trouble sleeping lately because of this.

Anonymous said...

From Wikipedia: "Tiller effect is the expression used to describe how handlebars that extend far behind the steering axis (head tube) act like a tiller on a boat"

So the long stem will actually give the opposite effect to the 'Tiller Effect'

CJ said...

Psuedo tilling effect!

Anonymous said...

My last crash -- hit a pine cone in the dark while trying to ride and eat M&Ms. On a bike with a looong 120 mm stem that did not save me. Bent handlebars and injured rotator cuff.

Serial Retrogrouch said...

snob's stem effect should be called 'the john holmes effect'

grog said...

Recumbabe does not suffer the goofy tiller effect.
OOOH BABE

CJ said...

Or the last unicorn effect

babble on said...

mmmm dildos...

babble on said...

What the devil will you be doing on the Devil's Mountain, Jimboner?

Anonymous said...

So let me get this straight - you fell off of your folding bike, while driving in nyc traffic because you were distracted by trying to make a phone call? What a rube! Man I wish I could have seen that. Priceless.

anyway glad to hear that you were hurt other than your dignity which you gave up the second you got on the folding bike anyway.

Anonymous said...

I'm glad your phone was OK.

Anonymous said...

Babble, you can't possibly be that horny? or could you...

mikeweb said...

It seems this woman really likes penises also.

Anonymous said...

Harry Reems is dead. I am going to get out my "I Choked Linda Lovelace" T-shirt in rememberance.

P. Bateman said...

penises, control dildos, naked reCUMbababe, extra-long stems....

am i sensing some sexual frustration snob?

i'd suggest using some of that Cippo brand Olive Oil ..

Anonymous said...

See, if you'd been wearing a helmet, your leg abrasions would not have happened. Also, you prob'ly would not have crashed at all, because who talks on a cell phone while wearing a helmet?

Paul Bowen said...

COCK PACK

MaxBenign said...

This graphic from the bike dynormics article...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:BikeModel.jpg

Its- its really freaking me out, man.

CommieCanuck said...

Personally, if i were about to crash, I would want the security of a nice soft air-filled vagina enveloping me. As an added safety feature, when I hit the road, an alarming "QUEEEEEEF" warns drivers to stop.
The Canadian version would have a strip of soft fur for warmth, which could be styled according to preference.

mikeweb said...

Snob,

I have to credit you for the courage it takes to admit publicly on the inter-webs about your crash. And not just this time. It seems like you fall off your bike-cycle about a couple of times a month - maybe more during the warm seasons, and every time you tell the world. Then there was the time you fell into a puddle of your own urine.

I don't know, if I was in your position, I would probably try to pretend all these falls didn't happen and go buy one of those recumbent trikes.

Paul Bowen said...

RTMS: know what you mean about twitchy, but this is what makes the Brompton such an excellent traffic weaving tool. And yes, two hands and full attention needed.

ge said...

Snob as curious as I am about your folder, I recall back in the day when you were an anonymous, mysterious, exotic blogger. So, yeah, keep the folder anonymous. Keep the dork-fantasy alive.

Comment deleted said...

I'm more worried about the Steve Tilford effect.

babble on said...

Mikeweb... eeewwwwww.

As much as I love penises (and yes, of course I love sex!) I prefer mine old enough to know how to do it right.

babble on said...

Don't worry, Wildcat... we love you even if you do fall even more than I do.

And it's the nature of the blogger to over-share.

balls™ said...

"You may have a reason, and you may like it, but it's wrong."

My personal opinion is that the above statement is what is wrong with too many people. I hope it was snark.

dildo
penis
vulva
scranus
nipple
mons pubis

Heath said...

The Snob has again proven his genius by coining..."Portland white". Fucking brilliant!

Anonymous said...

I'll join the chorus of anonymi who are riding the clown bike rider today.

1:31 is glad you are hurt! Other than your dignity which seems to have sustained a fatal blow already.

1:37 forgot to mention that if you wear a helment you can tuck the phone between the helment and your head.

To add my further $.00 (they eliminated pennies up here, so I get to round down) you must read more carefully in the future. The guy was talking about white ethnicity, not white skin colour. He may have white skin, but practically no one has white ethnicity.

Basically we are all screwed. Some of us can still read with comprehension though.

Roille Figners said...

My career path at the Mazola factory has made me more and more margarinalized.

Grip names: How about "Greeyops," or even, "Greeyops Beeyotch"??

rwaiee feenyay

Etherhuffer said...

How does one make pickle bread?




With a dill dough

mikeweb said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
DB said...

Biker Down!

We've all done it.

Flyover bike commuter said...

It's definitely Spring.

Yesterday, I saw the season's first peloton of resplendent Freds on an evening ride. Some were sporting new plumage and some were a little faded.

They were followed, or maybe stalked, at a distance by a lone supine recumbant.

There were also couple of solitary Ponderous Freds, apparently just out of hibernation, struggling against a stiff headwind.

Sightings of Aero-barred Triathletes are on the upswing too. They're easy to ID because they wobble along, with their heads looking straight down and proximal appendages extended to the front.

Anonymous said...

Snob, I'm glad you're not hurt too bad. Your stories are enjoyable, but I don't know how you can remain atheist/Lob. Also, I think people on Fixies need "extra God." Prayers for all.

CommieCanuck said...

Crashing a bike while making a phone call is old school.

Riding into a speeding bus while reading BSNYC on Google Glass is the future.

..and by "reading BSNYC" I mean watching porn.

mikeweb said...

Roille,

I know what you mean. One time I fell off a bridge in Paris and I went in Seine.

babble, yeah petty gross. Of course being a man who remembers what it was like to be 12, I had to cast back and reminisce about my own 12 year old fantasies, which might've involved just such an encounter.

Of course if that same thing actually did happen to me when I was 12, it occurred to me that the woman would now be 76 years old. Math can be depressing.

Nina said...

Commie Canuck: this one is a bit more vaginal, or maybe more womb-like, in any case, brilliant idea to add fur: http://www.hovding.com/en/how

And Heath: I agree, "Portland White" is the best and most accurate descriptor I have heard of certain whites. I'm not even Portland white, and I'm from Virginia.

F'd said...

I am atheist/Lob and Portland white. Shit.

Anonymous said...

ChamiosJuice,

But doesn't a larger bicycle cycle with a taller head tube put the steering axis farther behind the contact patch of the front wheel necessitating a longer stem to achieve neutral steer....

Ah, fuck it. I'm with WildCat on this one. Find a stem that makes your bike fit and handle like you want and shut up.

captcha: knower

Anonymous said...

Boom!

bikesgonewild said...

...12 ???... ya, 12 is a bit young but if this had happened to me at 14 or 15 with the stuff going on in my mind at the time, i would a' asked her to marry me...

Anonymous said...

Whatever doesn't kill you makes you smarmier

Jimboner said...

@Babs...I will be doing my yearly blood sacrifices to LOB, keeps me immortal.






jobutt 1532

or not jobutt?

Buffalo Bill said...

The reason recumbabe was able to get your wallet is because they're mind control dildos.

or something like that.

mariocoppaweenie said...

I just want to tell shammy juice to fuck off.

And didn't they already make that movie and didn't it have an asian chick, a brown chick and a black dude in it. Doesn't sound like racial fringes to me....just someone being cry-cry

CommieCanuck said...

Nina.. you simply cannot be too vaginal. Can't be done.

CommieCanuck said...

"Portland White" is the only white that is whiter than titanium oxide.

The more you know...

Anonymous said...

Right, 90mm stems are the bestest ever. Thanks for your input shortyjuice

ChamoisJuice said...

OKokOKok,

1st, I don't really care that much about stem length to get into some big debate about trail, yaw, blahblahbrobra.

Here is my aurgument:
One side of the two wheeled spectrum:
https://www.google.com/search?q=motocross+bike&aq=f&um=1&ie=UTF-8&hl=en&tbm=isch&source=og&sa=N&tab=wi&ei=1ldLUcPsHeeOiALvoIDQBQ&biw=1151&bih=1007&sei=2FdLUcDnFYTLigLWnYHgAQ

The other:
https://www.google.com/search?hl=en&safe=off&q=triathlon+bike&bav=on.2,or.r_cp.r_qf.&bvm=bv.44158598,d.cGE&biw=1151&bih=1007&um=1&ie=UTF-8&tbm=isch&source=og&sa=N&tab=wi&ei=u1dLUfSJC8btiQK39ICoAw

One puts priority on HANDLING! The other on aerodynamics and hip angles and other goofy crap like that.

Secondly, I am on other bike forums, but mostly to discuss alcoholism, pooping, sloths, deep regrets, look at photos of under aged girls and so on.

Thirdly, this entire site is based on judging others on their fucktarded bike set ups. BSNYC wants validation that he is bike expert: this is why he lines the tire labels up with the valve stems, makes sure the hub label faces the valve hole, etc.

4th, BSNYC is self concious about his mid nineties Cannondale Man Freditude. I can't be arsed to find the sweet photo of his CAAD3. Was is yellow? Does it have Spinegies? I can't remember.

Clearly I spend too much time thinking aobut this:
BSNYC spends EXTRA $$$ to get his current road bike, which is a very nice bike otherwise, custom geometry to replicate the Cipo-esque bike setup that was in vogue 1995ish.

Roille Figners said...

mikeweb - Similarly to getting hit by a rental car, that pun Hertz!

Snobz - one time I forgot to secure my handlebars on the Dahon folder, which meant that during the ride when I briefly went "no-handsies," the bars and their two-foot-long "stem thing" just slowly toppled diagonally until the bars were an inch above the ground and I couldn't reach them. And THEN I hit a bump. Luckily the bike wasn't built for speed (either), so I just sort of started running while the bike went down. Still felt pretty G.D. foolish.

rwaiee feenyay

mikeweb said...

Roille,

Just picturing that story play out made me chuckle, then laugh out loud. Just another reason for me to wind up in hell.

Oh yeah, then there was a guy at the emergency room complaining of abdominal pain. X-rays found 6 small toy horses inside his stomach. He's in stable condition.

jiaholo?? Sounds like something Cipo would do would little Cipo...

ce said...

babble 1:57,

It's great to hear you "prefer" not to rape children. And, for the best of reasons: "I prefer mine old enough to know how to do it right".

Having said that, I'm with bgw on this one. When I was 14 years old I would have loved making sweet, sweet statutory rape with you.

The King of Park Slope said...

What did the white guy do?

BikeSnobNYC said...

ChamoisJuice,

The non-embedded links are giving your comments a seriously goofy tiller effect.

The bike fits good, you gotta move onto something else.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Anonymous said...

anyone else call in sick to watch basketball?

BikeSnobNYC said...

ChamoisJuice,

I just went and pasted your links. You're right, I'll go ahead and change my road bicycle so it fits more like a motocross bike. That makes sense.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 3:48pm,

Now that's more like it!

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Vegas said...

You gotta know when to hold 'em, Snob.

onkogy 3005

DB said...

Hey!
Lance is on Twitter again!

ChamoisJuice said...

GOOFY TILLER EFFECT!

Comment deleted said...

ChamoisJuice, nice link.

"The work within the show is perpetually disrupting a rational Euclidean plane and advocating for a space in which the subject is constantly negotiating her/his environment."

WCRM disrupted a rational Euclidean plane on his foldy, so he probably understands now.

Dennis said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ChamoisJuice said...

Glad you are taking my advice, BSNYC. Practice those wheelies. One day you will be cool on a bike.

Lumpen Fredetariat said...

Almost a ton up and it's only lunchtime on the left coast...whew

Roille Figners said...

GOING FOR 100

rwaiee

Roille Figners said...

GOING FOR 100

rwaiee

Roille Figners said...

GOING FOR 100,

FUCK YES

TAKE THAT ALL YOU EARLY RISERS

rwaiee

Euro Spondee said...

‪MaxBenign‬ said...
This graphic from the bike dynormics article...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:BikeModel.jpg

Its- its really freaking me out, man.

Of course it is - Bret should be piloting that thing.

Snob, there was no "Anonymous 3:48pm".
And it's Thursday. Did you get a concussion.

Euro Spondee said...

‪MaxBenign‬ said...
This graphic from the bike dynormics article...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:BikeModel.jpg

Its- its really freaking me out, man.

Of course it is - Bret should be piloting that thing.

Snob, there was no "Anonymous 3:48pm".
And it's Thursday. Did you get a concussion.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Tyrannosaurus went extinct because all the other dino's kept making fun of their ridiculously short stems.

Anonymous said...

I was Anonymous 3:48, and wither my comment?
Something about those ghastly welds on that Ritte...and my captcha was penile-related.

The Almighty Lob said...

Anon 2:30 - Either you're with me or you're against me. You can't have your atheism and you're Lob too. Yea verily it was thus said and all saw that it was good. Just saying.

Anonymous said...

Wearing a helment while riding a drop bar bike because "helments match with road bikes" sounds awful "Fredlike."

Emily Patrick said...

Mr. Bike Snob, don't feel bad about your spill. Panda's can't ride bikes either.

I have a song that might cheer you up: Smokey Robinson and The Miracles- Tears of a clown

I fell off of my bike once because a gaggle of toy poodles came charging at me. I was seven at the time and riding my bike unsupervised but needless to say I still hate poodles.


Anonymous said...

Ms babble on wears a helmet when she rides a bike (folder included) and she looks terrific. Actually most women look great on bikes, helment or not, so we need to incourage the ladies to ride more and more ladies to ride.

Time Marches on in March said...

Harry long, now gone, Linda dead, BSNY crashed out of clown school. What is this world coming to?

Verizon said...

Blue tooth instead of broken tooth is the way to go snob.

paulb said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
paulb said...

The only way to fall down on my folding bike is to get so drunk you don't even realize when you're about to come to a full stop and then you try to ride around a bollard. So I know WCRM doesn't have the same kind of folding bike that I do.

Nebraska Bike Commuter (non DWI edition) said...

Huffys have short stems.

Just sayin'...

Anonymous said...

There has to be a cell phone holder for bikes. Come on, "Fred" can't allow a phone call to interrupt his daily "training ride."

Anonymous said...

I love Babble on and her sensual rantings!

How many MILFS can you find on the interwebs that are bold enough to post pictures on their blogs of them straddling a bike wearing seven inch stiletto boots.....

More attractive single women should ride bikes.

I think attractive single women should ride bikes more so they can display their shaply women parts to us men folk to look at.

This helps us reaffirm our heterosexual lifestyle.

Here is a real world 2013 problem, how can I assert my manlyness when women are now objecifying women!

BLARRG!

crosspalms said...

If the food's decent on those rational Euclidean planes I might fly on one.

Anonymous said...

Peter Sagan is the greatest bike handler ever--i.e., a motorcrosser among roadies. And look how short his stem is...?!

http://roadcyclinguk.com/news/gear-news/sagan-custom-bike948.html#slide-1

ChamoisJuice said...

Yeah, well the only Sagan I have ever heard of talks about space all the time and smokes hella weed, and it's not that guy.

Whoever this spando-Sagan is, he must take have a serious man crush on Cipo. Just look at that paintjob! Did he give himself that nickname? Figures he's on Cornballindale.

babble on said...

Anon @ 5:05 - Cheers! I wear it cause I really can't afford to lose any more brain cells.

And anon@ 5:29 - I don't just straddle it in seven inches, I ride it long and hard till I get there.

Cipo doesn't need to say it said...

"what's the capital of Thailand?"

That's right.

bikesgonewild said...

...first day of spring yesterday & i went ice skating for the first time in 20 (???) years...

...i didn't fall even once & you know why ???...

...'cuz i & only i, know the correct length that my stem should be...

...just sayin', bitches...

Anonymous said...

I've seen longer stems.
Just sayin'

Frilly Chick said...

MikeWeb, I will see you there! I laughed out loud too.

Sorry Roille.

Might get to see Portland White up close & personal this summer. Potential backpacking trip in the Columbia River Gorge area.

Frilly Chick said...

Two thumbs up bgw! How were the new skates?

Anonymous said...

ANON 5:29
"Here is a real world 2013 problem, how can I assert my manlyness when women are now objecifying women!"

You assert your manliness by doing what you said in your reply; saying what you thought. Honest compliments are appreciated by most people.

Anonymous said...

Does the dude in "Give Chase" have a cell phone in is cycle pants?

babble on said...

Friillllllly!!
Are you coming for Lolapalooza at the beginning of August? Phoenix, Vampire Weekend, and Mumford and Sons are confirmed so far...

Mikeweb ;)

6628 nocommov

Skiptooth Lotus Eater said...

So a long stem is hard to handle? Methinks you just need to handle it hard.

Lumpen fredetariat said...

bgw - sure it was wet and cold in the Bay Area yesterday, but where did you find the ice?
Back to spring sunshine today though...

Stan Wiggins said...

Morelululemonpantsorimafookinkeelya

Anonymous said...

So. Is that a 13-centimeter stem in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?

Mario's Albino Tadpol said...

Snob,

The video... ah.. yeah, let's talk about that. OK, I get it, I even cracked a grin once or twice, but that r sorta sucked... No, actually it really sucked.

You write one of the funniest daily blogs in the entire known universe, and this is the best you can come up with for a scripts for a video? Shame on you, shame...

For this sucky effort on your part I now feel justified on downloading your book for free from a torrent site to punish you.

Anonymous said...

I think there may be sufficient room for proper stem related length(y) debates in a mostly scientic manner here: http://www.bmd2013.org/ .

You're welcome.

And if not: esupray 15424

bikesgonewild said...

...jeezus h krist...you guys needa stop sucking on bsnyc/rtms/wcrm's stem whether you think it's too long, too short or just the right size...

...go ahead, spit it out, stop thinking about it, stop talking about it & don't let it cross your lips again, you little stem sucking perverts...

...sheesh...

bikesgonewild said...

...frills...my new blades felt like ginsu knives of icy happiness...

...carve, carve, carve...

bikesgonewild said...

...lumpen fredetariat...skated on my own cold, hard heart...

...no, wait, that ain't true...

...went to the rink @ yerba buena gardens, situated above the moscone convention center in sf...

...awesome place w/ a full size ice sheet for skating & hockey...

...one side is a full length, full height floor to high ceiling glass wall looking out over the rooftoop gardens & surrounded by the buildings of soma...

...even in wednesdays overcast & slight drizzle, the place was flooded in natural light & it's simply a delightful place to put blades to ice...

...ummm - once i had my skating legs back, i spelled out - bsnyc/rtms/wcrm - in cursive script down the length of the rink with my new bauer's but wouldn't you know it, they zamboni-ed the ice before i got a photo...

...well, okay, maybe not so much that last paragraph...

Jan! said...

Snob, I was disappointed not to find "expose my genitals" linked to the Lululemon "news". Are you getting mature, or simply old and forgetful?

crosspalms said...

bgw,
In one last spurt of stem-sucking perversion, here's the process I went through to decide what was right for me: I ride a 100-mm stem because that's what was on the bike when I bought it. Science!

Fritz said...

could have been worse... could have made that cell phone call on top of a 52 inch Penny Farthing

JB said...

So, since someone was complaining about Snob's welds on his road racing bike-cycle, I took a look. I don't care about the welds (as long as they stay glued together), but do I see some rust around the head tube weld and badge? Say it isn't so!

Frilly Chick said...

Babbs, it will most likely be in July. Trying to escape the StL heat, that is if it ever gets here. We are supposed to get 6-10 inches of snow this weekend.

Choke that little groundhog liar Phil!

Dooth said...

I had a Smokey Robinson moment a few days ago...fell as soon as I mounted. A witness looked at me with pity, like I was drunk. And I wasn't, not even hungover.

babble on said...

Prolly a good time to start in on the vodka, then.

babble on said...

July is close to August, Frilly sweet cheeks... you could just stay a while! You never have to worry much about heat in this neck of the woods. Fortunately, you don't have to worry much about snow, either.

Dooth said...

Oh, it wasn't a bike I mounted...

Anonymous said...

You have misused tiller effect according to the wiki... It is when handlebars extend BEHIND the headtube.

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★★PRINCE CHARMING™★★ said...

Fun filled!

yellowbarber said...

and yes, the salmon are swimming against the stream of traffic on Lafayette st; presumably back to their spawning site in DUMBO.

With any luck they'll get get flattened in a Darwinist triumph at the intersection of Spring St.