Friday, October 11, 2013

BSNYC Friday Fun Quiz!

When it comes to American holidays, they don't get much more politically incorrect than Columbus Day (with the possible exception of Short-Change an Armenian Day):


("Greetings!  We bring you religion and smallpox, which are essentially interchangeable.")

Columbus Day falls this Monday, October 14th, and I will not be blogging that day, and if you don't like it then you're prejudiced against Italians, which is disgusting, especially in this day and age.

Now, Armenians on the other hand...

Anyway, I'll be back on Tuesday, October 15th with regular updates.

Meanwhile, yesterday I managed to shoehorn a lunchtime bicycle cycling ride into my busy day of blogging and napping, and in so doing I used this lovely trail in Van Cortlandt Park which funnels you right out of the city and into Westchester County:


This is a real rarity in New York City: an unpaved path that is actually open to bicycles.  However, there's a plan afoot by the Parks Department to widen and pave it, which involves taking out trees and all the rest of it.  (Not to mention, like, putting asphalt under your tires.)  Sadly, the All-Powerful Bike Lobby™ in New York City supports this plan, because evidently they think this is too difficult for cyclists to ride or something.  I'm not sure what their metric for difficulty is, though I suspect it involves sending David Byrne out on the route, and if he finds it in any way inconvenient or gets a speck of dirt on his white linen suit then they move to pave it.  (I mean, my three-year old is able to ride his bike on this path, but admittedly he did inherit my incredibly awesome cycling genes.)

Now, of course I photographed the nicest section of the trail to make my case because it's my own blog and you know where you can stick your objectivity (hint: your butt).  Yes, the trail definitely needs maintenance, but it seems to me the obvious course of action here would be to cover the path with crushed gravel, and I'm sure the bicycle industry would be willing to fund that because then they could sell New Yorkers the gravel-specific bicycles they would need in order traverse it.

Anyway, it would be nice if the All-Powerful Bike Lobby™would stick to the streets and leave the woods for the animals and stuff.  



The district is the result of a collaboration between the Atlantic Avenue Business Improvement District, a pro-business group, and the bike advocacy organization Transportation Alternatives, which says that despite the lack of a bike right-of-way, the traffic the commercial strip gets from side street cycling routes made the choice a no-brainer.

No-brainer?  A bunch of douchey stores drowning in the biggest car traffic swamp in Brooklyn makes for a "Bike-Friendly Business District?" The Subarus descending on the Trader Joe's alone are enough to make you give up bikes and say "Fuck it, I'm leasing a Hyundai."  But, assuming you survive, there will be discounts!

So far, more than 60 businesses have signed up, including restaurants, clothing stores, toy shops, law firms, bakeries, salons, and delis. Participating shops will offer perks such as five to 20-percent discounts for helmet-carrying customers, free road rules pamphlets, and trainings for bike delivery workers, and some are petitioning for more bike parking.

Firstly, what stops just any schmuck from walking in with the helment he keeps in the trunk of his car?  (I can imagine a cottage industry of gentrifiers renting their smelly Bern helments for a buck a pop to people looking to save 20 percent on FLOR modular carpet tiles and whatever else they sell around there.)  Secondly, if you need to wear a helment how bike-friendly can it be in the first place?

But just when I'm about to go all David Byrne and completely renounce this city, it does something beautiful to regain my faith:



As you may or may not know, the artist Banksy is "installing" pieces all over New York City.  Most seem to have appeared in the gentri-verse, but he recently did one in East New York, and some enterprising residents want $20 from you to see it or fuck you.

Here's another video, and for $20 you get a great shot of your bike for Fixed Gear Gallery:


Not surprisingly, the New York Post thinks they're "jerks:"


Though I say they deserve every cent.  Not only are they enhancing the artist's commentary on society and media and street art and blahblahblah, but it seems to me that East New York doesn't exactly get to experience the tourist indusrty windfall the rest of the city does so now that they have a bona fide tourist traction they should be able to capitalize on it.

I also think they should be hired to work the door at MoMA to restore some of that edginess David Byrne misses so much.

Lastly, speaking of cycling genes (I mentioned them earlier), I officially have no more cycling jeans since my Rapha ones died of a hole in the scranus:


So basically, given the cost, it makes more sense to just wear regular jeans.

Who would have thought?

And now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz.  As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer.  If you're right great, and if you're wrong pathetic and you'll see a magpie attack.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and I'll see you on Tuesday.


--Wildcat Rock Machine





("Who farted?")

1) David Byrne says New York City smells like:

--Sex
--Crotch
--Smugness
--New car





(Hipster.)

2) What is a "Hobo Bootleg?"

--A new Banksy piece
--A fake hobo
--A sex act in which a homeless person goes to the bathroom in your shoe
--A gravel bike for assholes







(Subway spokesman Jared Fogle displays a pair of Robs' Fords' pants.)

3) Robs Fords claims his erratic behavior is not due to crack use; rather, it's due to the extreme hunger he's experiencing as he attempts to adhere to the so-called "Subway Diet."

--True
--False






(De Blasio denies allegations of excessive wanking and claims the poor ergonomics of his levers have left him with a condition known as "shifter's claw.")

4) New York City mayoral candidate Bill de Blasio will not be commuting to work via bicycle because:

--He does not know how to ride a bike
--He prefers his Segway
--He rode a bike once in Montana and that was enough
--He does not own a dedicated gravel bike






5) New York City's bicycle infrastructure is actually an elaborate hoax.

--True
--False







6) Which of the following is not an actual Lucas Brunelle quote?

--"Yes. Every seat I have is as sharp as a razor, so you always play to roll."
--"I'm always scared—even if I'm going to the coffee shop I'm scared. You never know—the Lord has your number."
--"I love cars. Fuck bike advocacy."
--"I'm a two-wheeled surfer hanging ten on the traffic wave.  Or hanging eleven if you count my boner for myself."






7) Water Fred (aka "Pontoon Weenie") has announced that he will bicycle via water from New York City to Galway, Ireland.

--True
--False



***Special "Suck It Up And Be A Good Little Cyclist"-Themed Bonus Video***




172 comments:

Serial Retrogrouch said...

…i'd rather shaft than get shafted...

biketinker said...

podio?

Anonymous said...

and the bike goes vroom!
-Psull

wishiwasmerckx said...

Podiodium?

Anonymous said...

pod

Serial Retrogrouch said...

...so consider yourself shafted...

...cause i'm going out with a bang this weekend...
...140 miles in one day.

RANTWICK said...

top 10?

babble on said...

Happy Friiiiiiiiday!

mikeweb said...

Jared-licious.

Synonymous said...

Failed the test. At least I'm top ten. Coulda podiumed except I live in the Central time zone. We always get the Shaft. After all those years of getting the shaft, I kinda like it now.

3G said...

I thought you said youse was ok Spider?

Yarpo said...

Bah! Again, I say Bah!

Nice argy-bargy-ing there Serial Retrogrouch, biketinker, and Anon 1:02pm.

Top Twennystan.

Meh.

tesposm 614....short for testicle possums 614, a disease caused by razor-sharp saddles, with no known cure.

Comment deleted said...

Always stop at every stop sign, even if you can see that it's completely clear of any conceivable hazard.

Unless you live in Idaho.

Or are being chased by magpies.

babble on said...

My son inherited my awesome cycling genes, too, but he doesn't fit into them yet.

Oh! And mmmmm....shaft. I love a good shaft.

samh said...

"...if you need to wear a helment how bike-friendly can it be in the first place?"

Amen, Snobby.

Comment deleted said...

Cuidado...magpies!

McFly said...

I used to "know" an Armenian girl. In the biblical sense. She liked being.............choked. True Story.

Hey babe whatever blows your hair back.

Marcel Da Chump said...

Ass Magpie...attack!

McFly said...

I kind of miss the Ass Monkey Attacks. It was painfully intrusive but I liked the way their opposable thumbs felt on my lilly white buttocks.

Regular guy said...

Once I saw the Golden Arches, I knew that was when the magpie would descend. It only thought "mum" might throw it a cheeseburger.

Yarpo said...

Mum can really screech! Son does eventually apologize for swearing at her, which was nice of him.

I guess maybe those were Ass Magpies and not Regular Magpies, in which case I don't blame Mum one little bit for her repeated screechings.

Where are the Ass Monkeys now? It's a little quiet...TOO quiet...they could be lurking...I'm just gonna go over and start shutting those windows now, and lock the door, and close my imaginary chimney flue, but slowly, without attracting too much attention.

Suggest you all do the same.

RoadQueen said...

I'm back!

Did ya miss me?!

HAPPY FRIDAY!!!!

Anonymous said...

wow, that fuk bike advocacy quote might just be something this idiot regrets....yeah right. whatta jerk.

LUCASSUXDONKEYDONGS

crosspalms said...

Doing my bit to keep Helena safe.

Anonymous said...

It's fr-hi-day bitches. Blaze the weed up. I don't actually partake in marijuana, but have an enjoyable weekend nonetheless.

Buffalo Bill said...

I got shafted yesterday, in the sense that my bike got stolen. My own fault I suppose, since I only had one lock on it, but still. My revenge fantasies are getting sort of extreme.

Flyover BC said...

That path looks paved.

What ya'll New Yorkers need is more gravel bikes, or maybe the latest greatest design
for riding on crusher fines.

leroy said...

Oh dear. Can't stay long.

My dog just walked out the door with a can of spray paint and a sign reading:

"Admission $20. (Bike Friendly Discount Available)"

I better go catch him. His art is never as appreciated as he expects.

And Trader Joe's probably doesn't want to share its signage with an abstract expressionist homage to Coolidge's Dogs Playing Poker.

Ride safe all!

Anonymous said...

Excellent review of the pretentious cycling togs. Thanks!

Fred Nifacent said...

Keeping Helena safe for over 30 years.

ChamoisJuice said...

Homies like that are what I miss about new york. TERRITORIALISM!
MY HOOD.

$500 dollars says if you do a fucking pop a wheelie, they will show the Banksy fo free.
Would smoke a blunt to dat.

Fuck homogenization. DIVERSITY IS NOT SAMENESS. I wonder how many years it will be before Manhattan and Brooklyn are fully gentrified? Where will the authentic new yorkers, who hold onto their cultural traditions go to? I guess Yonkers, Mt. Vernon, Staten Island.

BEST CITY ON EARTH.

BikeSnobNYC said...

ChamoisJuice,

Of course it's also possible they're just Banksy plants.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

McFly said...

I missed you RQ. Come over here and give me a hug complimented by moderate to severe breast pressure.

'Cause I aced that damn quiz. It was pretty easy, though.

indusrty indusrty indusrty said...

"indusrty"

420 ntlighth

RoadQueen said...

Congrats to Grouch and the runners up!

MUAH!

Speaking of smells, my office building has been smelling like New York Sex lately.

I thought it smelled like cat piss, but apparently I was wrong.

ityFeuge 203

Mr Plow said...

I thought mr Byrne already ruled that people in double decker buses have to wave at you in order to be an attraction ? Pretty sure banksy's "street art" can't wave and is therefore not an attraction.

Also, that video is exactly why I wear a magpie helment at all times.

JB said...

...awkwardly long hug...

Boston's Inferiority Complex said...

I really wish Brunelle wasn't a product of Boston's cycling culture... I know we're all assholes up here, but he's long since crossed the line to douchebaggery. It doesn't help that he has a lot of money.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...



Doin the Claw

Anonymous said...

call me dancesonpedals

twice a month I ride the south county trailway from mid- westchester to my job in mid-manhattan. The most fun is leaving westchester; you enter the bronx at the trail through van cortlandt shown by bikesnob. You know you're in the bronx when the asphalt trail turns to dirt and the trees close in.

I agree with leaving it unpaved. Legions of nyc cyclists can get their skinny-tire bikes through a mile of dirt on the way to the Rt 22 hills outside mt kisco. For commuting, it was easy for me to swap out my 23's for 28's & fun to ride the mud. I disagree with snob, the last 200 yards of the trail are deeply rutted, with deep puddles, so theres a 50 yard portage after a rain storm.

babble on said...

Bikes? Naaaah. I come for the music.

You never know what you'll hear here.

Yup I did, RQ. I miss Frilly, too.

babble on said...

Oooooh... dancesonpedals! Nice moniker - very pop-literary.

balls™ said...

Snob,

At least those jeans make it easier to stick your objectivity.

Anonymous said...

dancesonpedals

my early influences were hermann melville hermann hesse and kevin costner

RoadQueen said...

(((bOOb HuG))) McFly! Damn, you've already gotten luckier than I will this weekend.

Babble, (((hugs))) for you as well....and a friendly ass-pinch. :)
XOXO

ChamoisJuice said...

L'il Phigget's #1 catch phrase is dancing on the pedals. In fact, he wrote a book titled that.

Imagine an alternate universe in which Phil Rizzuto announced bicycle races. HOW MUCH BETTER WOULD THAT BE?!! Nothing happens in road racing, it would be much better to hear happy birthday wishes to 93 year old ladies and commentary on canolis and whatnot.

Baseball is more boring to me than the bicycle racing, but I find the scooter very relaxing.

Anonymous said...

HOLY COW!

Roille Figners said...

Oh yeah sure I could've podio'd

Jungle love / po-dee-o-dee-o / girl I'm gonna show ya (show ya)

except I was in a meeting, and also I don't care.

What's with Armenians? When I was young & polite and before I blossomed into the full-fledged douche I am now, the Armenian-American I was sharing intimacy with used to bite my neck... like BITE it, a bundle of my neck ligaments in a sandwich between her bottom & top racks-o'teeth and CLAMPDOWN like a goddamn Gila monster. The 3rd time it finally annoyed me enough to get rough with her which is what she wanted in the first place.

Comment deleted said...

P.S. I don't stop at every fucking stop sign. I *do* stop if there's even a slight amount of confusion that would be created by me not stopping.

Whenever I see a bike safety PSA that stresses unblinking adherence to the law (because: law!), I realize it's going to be received like the "This is your brain on drugs" spot. That is, as comedy.

Flyover Bike commuter said...

I won't suck it up a be a good little cyclist.

A couple of days ago a Fred, astride a titanium bike and resplendent in his Cofidis livery, politely admonished me for crossing an intersection against a red light, because the drivers might hate all bikers.

I explained that I crossed because:
1) the left turners were blocking traffic for me.
2) I didn't in any way inhibit the flow of traffic (thanks to the left turners),
3) I already waited through one cycle of the light because the other left and right turners made it clear that they had no intention of letting me cross in front of them, green light or not;
4). I got broadsided at the same intersection two years ago, because I thought taking my place in traffic assured that the drivers would respect my space; and
5)I'd rather take my chances breaking the law -with the assistance of heavyweight blockers- than be on the pavement with some in-a-hurry-dumbass apologizing for hitting me and claiming he was backing up, despite the damage to the front of his truck (no criminality suspected)

Sorry about that I needed to vent.

JB said...

Cd had his assistant type: "P.S. I don't stop at every fucking stop sign. I *do* stop if there's even a slight amount of confusion that would be created by me not stopping."

^this

Serial Retrogrouch said...

...snob, thanks for the tip on the bike path... i'll use it in the early am this weekend to get the fcuk out of the city and get on the putnam trail and up north to see me some foliage... yeah, it's gay, but i don't care... it's pretty... one of the best reasons to be living in the northeast.

RoadQueen said...

Roille,

So in order to GET rough, she got rough? Sounds perfectly reasonable to me. Pity you didn't get the hint the first two times. :)

It's Friday, here's to rough Sex!

(Don't look at me like that. It's Friday. I just needed something to toast. I'd toast a mouse if necessary. FRIDAY.)

Serial Retrogrouch said...

RQ,
yah, why'ja have to leave the week i get three podium positions...

JB said...

Do you want to see a Softride with a comfort saddle that is 18" above the bars? I knew you did.

McFly said...

This one could not get off unless you were throttling her neck from a [ahem] rear entry position. I found it disturbing. Which is pretty bad for 'ol McFly.

I mean dang how you gonna say the safety word when you can't talk. I still say DEEPER is a horrible safety word.

RoadQueen said...

Grouch,

My most sincere apologies. :(

I'll give you a (((bOOb HuG))) to make up for it.

XOXO

RoadQueen said...

JB,

What da FUCK kind of contraption is that?!

Looks like something McFly's ex would ride. Yeesh....

Anonymous said...

dancesonpedals says:

hey chamois juice..
Phil Rizzuto was a bigger influence for me than kevin costner..during a yankees broadcast rain delay, he and bill robinson had a lot of time to fill, and went at it over which bronte sister wrote wuthering heights..

"It was emily, scooter"
"No you huckleberry, it was charlotte"

The All-Powerful Bike Lobby said...

Dear Mr Bike Snob NYC,

You will ride it and you will like it.

Sincerely,
APBL
-AYHSMB-

RoadQueen said...

So I decided to go hick(er) and my beverage of choice for horseman camping/drinking was Busch.

In the HUNTER ORANGE can with game silhouettes on it.

Yes, my cowgirl boots are camo with pink piping.

Shaddap....it's going to be EPIC.

FRIDAY!

Anonymous said...

Armenian girls:
beautiful,engaging eyes (check)
wholesome sexiness (check)
traditional values (check)
get drunk too often (check)

Three out of four ain't bad, as far as I know.

Anonymous said...

Steve Tilford posts 3 times in a single day. He never takes a day off, despite injuries and constant travel.

ChamoisJuice said...

McFly,
Sounds like my kind of girl!

I think the choking thing is way more exciting when you can see her eyes bugging out and her face changing colors. YOU CAN TELL FROM HER EYES THAT SHE LOVES IT! She can also fight back a little.

The rear entry is better for slapping, spitting, hairpulling. And the old face down ass up, smothered in a pillow.

I used to be VERY conflicted about this kinda thing. Not any more. Being true to your primal instincts is the most honest way to be.

Sex and bike riding are much better when you can turn your brain off.

Roille Figners said...

RQ I know huh. We laughed about
that later. McFly that sounds like one of those "exciting at first, but ultimately I'm not into it" deals. Especially if she needs it EVERY DANG TIME. I think for any given thing either you're like "Oh finally thank god someone is into the same thing I am" or you're like "oh, hmm, that's interesting" or you're totally like "no way." Obviously "no way" isn't a good match but "hmm that's interesting" is good for a few weeks' worth of fun times before you finally decide you're not THAT into it.

By my negligible powers I declare today to be Rough Sex Friday.

McFly said...

This one was freaky. Unfortunately she had a boyfriend. Who got a lil weird when it came to guys using her for 2 or 3 rounds at a time. Go figure. For the record she told me they were apart. I guess she meant her thighs.

RoadQueen said...

RF, Rough Sex Friday it is.

A TOAST! *raises can*

To Rough Sex Friday!

g. said...

That was you?!! You Bastard!

g. said...

RQ,
There are more than a few quality beers that come in cans, if your concern is portability. I mean, Oskar Blues' Dales Pale Ale has made a fortune on that very premise.
It costs more, but, really, you're worth it!

RoadQueen said...

g.

I have had Dale's, and I like it quite a lot. Actually, I don't the I've ever had a beer that I didn't care for. They're all different, but good, in their own ways.

I live in a rural area, and sometimes I just like to have a few with an old 'friend', ya know?

(Guinness and Budweiser are two of my favorites)

ChamoisJuice said...

THIS IS ANOTHER REASON I LIKE THIRD WORLD COUNTRIES. People do not categorize themselves by the beer they drink. Goddamn white people have to get so fucking pretentious about getting drunk of all things.

Kenya has one beer. Tusker. It comes in one size, BIG bottle, 22 oz. I guess the Brits do import fancier beers to distinguish themselves from the unwashed.

Bada Yakazi is the slogan. "After work, Tusker". The joke is, it should be "After work. During work. Before work. Instead of work. TUSKER."

For the life of me, I cannot figure out why hobos don't go to Trader Joe's for booze. There is no better bang for buck alcohol potency than three buck Chuck. Maybe they don't want to mess with corkscrews...

g. said...

RQ,
I totally understand. Sometimes it just about tradition. Just making sure you knew of the alternatives and were making a conscious decision.
My favorite beer is cold.

CJ, it's not about pretension or merely alcohol content. Occasionally, I won't drink a beer because it has too high an ABV. I actually drink beers because I like their flavors. I don't look at Playboy for the articles, though.

Why does everything have to be about race, sex or class with you? Just curious.

Serial Retrogrouch said...

...the g@@gle tells me i'd be doing 200 miles in 17 hours on sunday... is that possible, almost all of it going uphill?

...coming back will be fun cuz it's woo hoo hoo speed over 200 miles... that's on monday.

...enjoy the weekend all... ride safe... and watch the ass monkeys.

...and toast to ruff sex.

mikeweb said...

Here's my story for RSF:

I was seeing a very lovely woman for a couple of years. She grew up in the S.U. and after a couple of months asked me if I could do something for her. That something was to moderately flog her backside with my leather belt, so I obliged on occassion. She wanted it hard enough so that sometimes there were welts. She also wanted to be slapped in the face and breasts once in a while.

Ah, memories...

db said...

SELF BONR

Flyover BC said...

Eastern European foreplay, what'll they think of next.

BikeSnobNYC said...

ChamoisJuice,

I know, right? Silly white people. You'll never hear rappers referencing the brand of their preferred alcoholic beverage in hip-hop.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Anonymous said...

rappers = not white people?

McFly said...

Does S.U. Stand for Sexy Underwear?

The Armenians boyfriend found out and she came by one day and said he was going to call me and ask me if I banged her. She said will you please please tell him you didn't ? I said sure. On one condition.........I lil Wednesday weed and boom CHOK HOLD

Armenian Women...mmmmmmmmmmm

Schwinnfuckingarmstrong said...

Velo asses.

BamaPhred said...

My work here is done

the Jimboner said...

Ass Pony

Roille Figners said...

One of those... rap guys... in the 90s had the nerve to profess his love for Old English. I wanna say, King T?

"What's your favorite brew?
O - E
What it make ya do?
Go - pee"

Anyway if it's Rough Sex Friday we should probably be SMASHING the beer cans together. (Silly me I thought RQ was raising her CAN. Although the smashing would still apply, so...)

Someone told me the tradition of clinking glasses together was to make sure they splashed into each other, thus if you poisoned mine, yours is poisoned now too, ergo, we are friends. (Or we're both gonna die.) Same principle of how a handshake started out as checking for weapons. Dunno if I buy it, but anyway.

ChamoisJuice said...

I would read a book on socio/ economic/ cultural influences on alcohol preferences.

As far as I can tell, african-american (which is not a very accurate description, but regardless) cultural preferences are:

-Cognac- Hennessy in particular.
-Champagne- Moet in particular.
I am not sure why they like French girly beverages so much? Cognac is not a liquor to get drunk off. It's an apertif. As far as I can tell, this is a status thing.
In many ways, this reminds me of when hip hop fashion was dominated by polo, tommy hil, nautica, tennis & ski fashion. I would be surprised if there is not hip hop luxury liquor on the horizon.

-Heineken

-Old E, Night train, Colt 45 etc.

PURPLE DRANK

Comment deleted said...

All right, Red Sox Friday.

Wait, I think I misread something...

ChamoisJuice said...

Two of my favorite songs.....
Jimmy Soul - If You wanna be happy

Arthur Godfrey - Too Fat Polka.

DB said...

Congrats Grouch! You took it back today. Have a good ride this weekend.
Just landed in Phoenix for the Italian holiday. My daughter and son-in-law are entertaining us this weekend.
Enjoy the long weekend, everyone.

DB said...

Oh, Snobby:
Enjoyed seeing Assos bike shorts guy!

Roille Figners said...

some people use the word funky too loosely

4fuxake said...

NOBODY rocks the ski-wear like

JB!

Anonymous said...

Good thing the magpie showed up or that would be the most pointless helmet-cam video ever. Really, what is with people and the need to document the mundane?

paulb said...

I've already ridden that trail in VCP so I don't care if the parks department goes and ruins it for everyone else.

OK, actually, I hate the department's proclivity for widening and laying asphalt on everything in sight in NYC's parks. The "walking paths" in Prospect Park are like most countries' secondary roads.

This is the surface that should be used:

http://www.americantrails.org/resources/trailbuilding/BuildCrushFinesOne.html

Comment deleted said...

@4fuxake:

"Gee Mr. Brown, that sure was swell!"

Regular guy said...

Another thing about helmet-cam videos; you get the feeling that they all look behind for approaching cars a lot, I get whiplash just watching them.

That is my contribution to RSF:

Behind
Whiplash

Dooth said...

I'm drinking happy hour Yuengling on tap.

wishiwasmerckx said...

I would have to say that my favorite beer is the fourth one.

Test Tickle said...

What ever happened to Ant1st?

Also, balls™, you're a poser.

balls.

Yeah Cleveland! said...

Top 100+. Too busy driving a car 300 mi so I can cycle a bicycle 100 mi up and down a lot of hills.

Eurodude said...

" Cognac is not a liquor to get drunk off. It's an apertif."

Nope. It´s a digestif. Dry, neither tonic nor ice nor anything. Maybe with an expresso aside and/or a doobie.

Comment deleted said...

C

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 4:24pm,

Uh, more often than not, yeah.

Is this news?

--Wildcat Rock Machine

ce said...

Roille, that is funny, I really don't have a clear idea of what funk is. I kind of get it, but I can't really nail it down. All I know is that the Red Hot Chili Peppers invented it.

Just to add more confusion to the fire, here is some white boy Aussie hip hop with "cans of VB" featuring at 1:46.

DB said...

I'm at the bar at The Royal Palms in Scottsdale.
In dog beers, I've only had one.
My rental car is a Hyundai.
Life is pretty good.

ce said...

CJ, I agree that pretentiously categorising yourself by the beer you drink (or bike you ride... or countries you have travelled to) is a thing, at both the aspiring culture snob, and blue collar/hick pride ends of the spectrum, but it is not the same as characterising yourself by your preferences for the purpose of having a laugh at that character and comparing and contrasting with a diversity of other funny characters. I thought you of all people would get that.

rural 14 said...

Rural 1st!

Long day without a dedicated gravel bike, but I survived. Taking care of Helena.

Bon weekend!

(and cognac is not an aperitif)

Manintights said...

Oh CJ, I want to lick your bald spot while you talk down to me.

ce said...

Just to clarify, RQ is clearly making light of her world - not a pretentious hick (but they do exist).

By the way, my wife's grandma lives in those houses opposite the McDonalds in the video. Thanks for the alert Snobbo, I'll head up there now and scream at her to take cover.

ChamoisJuice said...

Ah yes, Funk. I think this might be the only type of black music that white people have not appropriated with commercial success. I guess the Chili Peppers and G. Love and the special sauce have come closest.

Black people invent good music. Blues, Rock n Roll, Rap. Then some good looking white dood, waters it down and sells it to the youth. Whether Elvis Presley, The Rolling Stones or the Beastie Boys.

James Brown is generally credited with popularizing Funk.

I personally became a big fan of funk music due to two influences:

Jeremy Piven's cinematic masterpiece "PCU" How this movie is entertaining, despite featuring David Spade and Jon Favreau is a mystery to me.

And the Bike Magazine "Funk" issue.

BikeSnob, are you aware that there are white rappers making music intended for white audiences these days?
No bravado or base sexuality. Full of introspection, self depreciation , shoegazing, non conventional beats, lacking melodies. Seriously. It's like Daniel Johnston or Pavement with samplers instead of guitars. IT SUCKS.

THERE ARE APPROPRIATE INSTRUMENTS FOR THAT TYPE OF SELF EXPRESSION AND THEY ALL HAVE STRINGS.

The West is the Best said...

East Jew York niggas ROCK!

Mario's Albino Tadpole said...

CJ,

You know.. I used to think you were just a little mis-understood......I know realize that I was wrong.. You really are an asshole.

Yeah, all those pretenders in Vienna and Germany a few hundered years ago were really just taking the really good black music and just watering it down.

Notsosanta Klaus said...

Hey DB,

"Tour de Scottsdale" on Sunday?

Anonymous said...

This CJ cretin is the most annoying turd I have ever seen, bar none. I feel sorry for you snob that this parasite has glommed onto your site. Like a case of clap that just won't go away.

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ChamoisJuice said...

Yegads, Mario, the world is not black and white. There are shades of grey.

I said black people invent good music. They have. Several styles. That's not to say other ethnic groups have not come up with valuable music. They have. I don't think you can really make a solid argument that there is an ethnicity that has contributed MORE to the current popular music landscape than they have.

Sure, euros have Mozart and techno. For crying out out loud, even Aborigines came up with the fucking didgeridoo, AND LOOK WHAT THEY HAVE TO WORK WITH.

Asians came up with Karaoke and the throat didgeridoo (which is fascinating to me. Such a wealth of resources in comparison to Oceania, yet devise the same sound with no tools... man truly is the strangest animal) Biz Markie got nuthin on the Tuvans.

By comparison Rock N' Roll, Blues, Rap. And then whatever you call the music Paul Simon and Ry Cooder repackage for wider audience.

Anon412 said...

Ok I'll call you on that one CJ. Kenya also has whitecap beer, and I have drunk Tusker from 330s.

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wishiwasmerckx said...

Look at what the Aborigines have to work with? It is so hard to even find a decent stick that they had to invent one which comes back to you.

McFly said...

Music? I sound JUST LIKE Peter Cetera when I am doing 22 mph on my bike.

"if you leave me now....you take away the biggest part of me.......wooOOOOoooOOOOO baby please don't goOOo...."


Nailed it.

rolling_rock said...

Look at that Softride again. Go ahead, I dare you.

http://stlouis.craigslist.org/bik/4122506125.html

I see waaaay more money in parts on that bike than $500. That's what I love about the bike industry, they lie, lie, and lie some more to their customers and then when the customer figures this out, the high-end gear sits in the garage because they know they got suckered. Years later, it sells cheap.

Yeah, I'd ride it just to drive the pretentious roadies nuts.

Robot stack failure

Unknown said...

All I can say is:

http://cdn.mos.bikeradar.com/images/news/2012/08/03/1343994480910-31yw2jy1dtgh-280-80.jpg

DB said...

Notsosanta Klaus:
Thanks, but doing family stuff this weekend.
Next time. Have a great ride. Nice weather!

paulb said...

It sounds like the parks dept has made up its mind about the Old Putnam trail, but it can't hurt to write them a letter. If anything, I'd like to see the South and North County trails gravelized, rather than vice versa.

Twitchy Cyclist said...

Holy wow batman! Mum is now internet famous!

Those magpies are little bastards, her terror is understandable

Angie Kritenbrink said...

WTF, guys are bragging about choking women and women are sexually harassing themselves in the comment section today. That's a little much.

babble on said...

We do go a bit OTT sometimes, it's true. I get why this conversation might get a girl's hackles up, hon, for sure. I'm a love-bug.

But to be fair, be honest: have you never felt a little rush when someone smacked your ass in the middle of the act of love? One of the biggest stumbling blocks for long term sexual relationships is that it's safe, secure, a known quantity. Some of the thrill of the unknown, or the forbidden, is gone. That's where an active imagination comes in handy. The kama sutra makes use of spanking, though never choking.

Still. What ever turns your crank, right? Anything goes as long as everyone consents and no one gets hurt. We mustn't legislate the bedroom except to say love is the law.

McFly said...

You're right Ang. We stepped over the line and I sincerely apologize. I wish you could have been here for the vibrator sessions. I get this sneaking suspicion you would have been down with the vibrator sessions.

ce said...

I only sexually harass myself on the weekend. And on Wednesdays to celebrate hump day. And on Mondays as a bit of a pick me up. And on days starting with T. On Fridays I wait until after sunset for religious reasons.

Ah, who am I kidding, any time Friday is good too.

Anonymous said...

You suck. Thanks for making this a worse place!

RoadQueen said...

Yep, I was right. This weekend was EPIC.

Good 'ol Busch served me well. Drank that at the campsite, and had Lime-A-Ritas on the trail.

Epic.

Hope everyone else had an awesome weekend!

Anonymous said...

Great, you're back! Will you be going away sometime soon? Hope so.

Anonymous said...

Saw the Armenian in church Sunday. She used to have a ghetto booty. It turned into an entire housing project.

Anonymous said...

Was she taller when she sat down?

babble on said...

No, Anon. YOU suck, yeah cowardly, negative yellow-bellied troll. Stop hiding, I dare you. Speak your truth with your identity attached and maaaaaaybe someone will care what you think.

RoadQueen said...

Babble, as long as the thoughts are negative, I still wouldn't give a flying fuck what they thought.

Identity or not.

Just sayin...

Let the freak flags fly high! Then piss on the rest. :)

babble on said...

Ce ++! :D

Heh heh, ... and... er... guilty.

Me, too.

babble on said...

Good girl.

I did say maybe, though of course we mustn't feed the trolls...

RoadQueen said...

Oh, and ce: Yes, I was simply making a funny. I found the color and pictures on the beer cans to be utterly hilarious.

I'm not being a snob/pretentious hick in any way, after all I'll drink anything that I can get open as far as beer goes. It matters not to me the brand, reputation, etc. My beverage tastes are EEO all the way. :)

mikeweb said...

I agree RQ,

There's no such thing as bad beer. Except if it contains Pumpkin spice. That stuff needs to be against the law.

Anonymous said...

You cannot help but feed the trolls.

Anonymous said...

I'd be willing to bet that you're both divorced. And based on the number of comments you get on your blogs, it's clear that no one cares what you think either.

Comment deleted said...

I'm willing to bet, anon, that you are a misogynist, in addition to being a coward.

Roille Figners said...

Like who is he even talking to? Who's the "you both" in "you're both divorced?" Is it me and my ex-wife? In that case yes, we are both divorced.

Comment deleted said...

Shit, Roille. That must mean that you are undesirable and therefore, should just shut up.

Roille Figners said...

"Hey I totally don't care about your blog that I took the trouble to read and what's more I bet you're DIVORCED!" (horrors!)

McFly said...

Yo RQ I saw them orange camo Busch beers in the Wal Mart Friday and thought of you. I thought, "Wonder how many of those it takes to knock her panties off?"

1? 2? THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE???

RoadQueen said...

McFly: In the awesome presence of a sexy-ass recumbent rider, none. It just adds to the fun. :)

RF: I know, right? Posts still fall into the category of, "Who cares?"

NOT ME! :D

Anonymous said...

I'm another Anon troll, not about to dis any of the previous troll targets, but to explain the basis of the negative perception: we miss the sarcasm, the biting wit, and the cynicism of the commenters reflecting the New York-centric view point of our host blogger, Bike Snob NYC. This feel-good vibe dominating the comments is boring. It is what it is, for now.

Anonymous said...

The feel good vibe then strangely morphs into a high school level sex and alcohol vibe, bordering on inappropriate at times. For a NYC bike blog that is.

RoadQueen said...

EPIC WEEKEND

Maybe some bike riding finally in the forecast this weekend. We shall see!

15 Powerea

Anonymous said...

Still falls into the category of, "Who cares?"

RoadQueen said...

Aww.

Anon = :'(

Need a tissue?

JLRB said...

Today I joined the previous decade and took my first ever ride on a share bike-cycle. They suck. The seats are not razors, the people on the tour buses refused to wave (even when I touched their bus longingly), and I nearly wiped out on acorns.

We need acorn specific city-share cyclingbikes

Comment deleted said...

So, dissatisfied anon (allegedly not the same asshole, but how would we know?)...contribute some of your own acerbic New York-style sarcasm and dry observations.

Sitting back and sniping because commenters are not sufficiently entertaining you in the proper fashion is the height of lameness.

Here's another suggestion: don't read the comments.

Anonymous said...

Funny how myself and other old school Anons never result to insults (asshole, coward etc.) but the Profile commenters are quick with the name-calling.

RoadQueen said...

CD: Agreed.

On the other hand, if Mr. BSNYC feels that my sunny personality, charming innocence and endearing naivete is in any way causing his blogger livelihood any harm, I will immediately bow out and leave everyone to their own devices.

Hear that, Mr. Snob? I mean it, with the utmost sincerity.

However, until such time as Mr. Snob tells me to fuck off, I'm staying, much to the Anons dismay, it would appear.

Cheer up, Anons. It's not hard to find shitty people being shitty to each other. This isn't the only outlet, I promise.

omiffec 225

RoadQueen said...

JLRB: I'm sitting here pondering what the tread pattern on an acorn specific bike would look like.

Do you think it should have drop bars? Or straights?

Hmmm...

JB said...

Drop bar (lower center-of-gravity) tubeless fat bike (to 'mold' over acorns).

TOGTFO said...

One of the rules of the Internet is: "there are no girls on the Internet." This rule does not mean what you think it means. In real life, people like you merely for being a girl. They want to fuck you, so they pay attention to you and they pretend what you have to say is interesting, whether or not you are genuinely interesting, or that you are smart of clever, whether or not you are actually smart or clever. On the Internet, there is no chance to fuck you; this means the advantage of being a "girl" does not exist. You don't get a bonus to conversation just because someone wants to put their cock in you.

When you make a post like "hurr durr, I'm a gurl," you are begging for attention. The only reason to post it is because you want your girl-advantage back, because you are too vapid or too stupid to do or say anything interesting without it. You are forgetting the rule "there are no girls on the Internet." The one way around this rule, the one way you can get your "girlness" back on the Internet, is to post your tits. This is, and should be, degrading for you, an admission that the only interesting thing about you is your naked body.

Comment deleted said...

Anon @ 4:24: That's an astonishingly selective memory you have cultivated there.

Oh, almost forgot to swear: go take a flying fuck at a rolling donut, nameless one.

Comment deleted said...

Yer hoist by your own petard, TOGTFO. Why pick on the girls exclusively, then?

I assume you are talking about Babs and RQ, here. They both put quite a bit of work into their own blogs (in no way can you say Spoke'n Scene is not about bicycling, either). They both clearly love bicycling, and comment intelligently on RTMS's writing. They may flirt now and again, but Jesus, what's the harm in that?

Are you suffering from an advanced case of Puritanism*?

*The unshakeable fear that someone, somewhere is having fun.

JLRB said...

http://losgatos.patch.com/groups/police-and-fire/p/los-gatos-bicyclist-critically-injured-in-crash-was-professional-rider

Another case of the Brakey Righty Gassey Lefty confusion syndrome

Bummer

RoadQueen said...

CD, you're cracking me up! X-D

Let it think what it will, it's of no consequence whatsoever. I don't flirt online to get my "gurl status" back, nor to seek attention. I simply speak the 100% unfiltered truth about myself and my observations on life.

If they think that's flirting with them or anyone else, that's their issue. Not everyone can accept blunt speech.

Comment deleted said...

RQ, you should know that by being honest and sex-positive, you are causing great distress to the Silent Majority out there, who like their whores to pretend to be Madonna.

Knock it off!

Roille Figners said...

I like sex but I'm not positive. I'm sort of sex-indecisive.

Roille Figners said...

Lemme get this straight though: there's this imaginary girl status where CJ (yeah like it's NOT him?) pays attention to "girls" (I assume prebubescent) and pretends to be interested in something besides their boobies etc. for the reason that he is interested in their boobies etc. But on the internet, where boobies, and pictures/videos thereof, cannot be transmitted in any way, this "girl status" disappears, to the effect that the girl herself disappears, such that there are none now.

babble on said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
McFly said...

Wait. You're telling me there are no titties on the interwebs? Dafuq. If you need me I will be watching Skinemax.

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Preferred Mode is now the coolest cycling blog in New York,

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Girls can't be on the internet?

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