Thursday, March 15, 2012

Cine-meh: Have Fixie, Will Travel

Well, it was another beautiful day yesterday, and this meant that the streets of New York City were teeming with tentative riders on fixiebikes.  There's no surer sign of spring than the re-emergence of the fixiebike pilots, their bicycles unsullied by the grit and grime of winter, their pristine designer backpacks still smelling faintly of the mothballs in which they were stored, and their feeble riding skills blunted even further by months of inactivity.  But what they may be lacking in ability they more than make up for with their renewed vigor and vitality, and they'll race you off that stoplight with the enthusiasm of a dog humping a shoe.

Of course, the seasonal uptick in fixiebike riders means increased demand for certain goods and services, among these being bike tune-ups they don't need, updated hip pouches to fit the new contours of their upgraded smartphones, and crucial tattoo sleeve embellishments.  It also means they need fresh entertainment to get them fired up for the commute home, and to that end the Stelvio-bombing, SUV-motorpacing guy is preparing to "drop" a new video called "Asmawa" about how he went "hillbombing" in Africa and inspired a nation:


ASMAWA – Seabase in Eritrea (Official Teaser) from YUHZIMI Ltd. on Vimeo.

Here's what "Asmawa" isn't:

ASMAWA is not just a film about “Euro-boy” riding brakeless down a mountain road in Africa.


And here's what it is:


It is more the story of a pure-hearted athlete who discovers a new world – not least within himself.

Indeed, so pure of heart is this athlete that he deigns to give the noble gift of himself to the humble people of Eritrea:

("I already heard from people that he is here.")

I'm sure the Eritreans will tell tales of his cycling greatness to their children, and to their children's children.  Either that, or they'll tell the story of the rich idiot who destroyed a $60 rear tire during a single descent in a country where the annual per capita income is a little over $300.

(Or, you could use a brake.)

In addition to teaching these poor people about the merits of conspicuous consumption, this pure-hearted athlete also teaches them about the pleasure of "risky business:"

Through meeting people I then also had the opportunity to ride through the streets of Asmara with the Eritrean national team. When I jumped the red lights they wouldn’t follow and stayed back yelling after me. After a while they then followed and took pleasure in some risky business. That was fun. 

I'm glad he encouraged them to loosen up, though I wonder if maybe their reluctance has something to do with Eritrea's abysmal human rights record:

Human rights in Eritrea are viewed as poor.[1] Eritrea is a one-party state in which national legislative elections have been repeatedly postponed,[2] the judiciary is weak, and constitutional provisions protecting individual freedom have yet to be fully implemented.[citation needed] Security forces are responsible for unlawful killings. Observers in the West accuse the Government of Eritrea of arbitrary arrest and detentions and of detaining an unknown number of people without charge for their political activism.[citation needed] Freedom of speech and the press are severely constrained while freedom of assembly, association, movement, and religion also are restricted.

When this pure-hearted athlete runs a light in Europe he probably gets a fine which he then bills to his sponsor, Red Bull.  However, when an Eritrean runs a light he probably sits in a jail cell for 17 years.  Still, I bet Eritrea is a better place to ride a bike than New York City, where truck drivers run you over and drive away and then the NYPD hides the evidence.

Indeed, if there's one gift that both Americans and Europeans have to give to the world, it's the gift of being heedless, self-important douchebags who fart money:

(Pure-hearded athlete farting money.)

By the way, if you're wondering what riding brakeless track bikes down hills is all about, here's your answer:

How did the downhill from Asmara to Massawa challenge you physically and mentally?


103 kilometers through unfamiliar territory, 60 kilometers of that steep downhill, it really takes it out of you. When I ride I never put my feet up, I control the speed by skidding, many times. My state of mind is so different when I’m on my track bike. I have to be clear and focused; it’s not like a regular road bike. You can’t just let the bike roll and enjoy the environment. Riding fixed, brakeless, for me means being 3 seconds ahead. Foreseeing and assessing the contingencies requires a hundred percent attention for that very moment and beyond. Physically I recovered very soon after but it took me at least an extra day to be mentally present again.

I don't know about you, but I really hate enjoying my environment.  I also hope the film covers the extra day of vapidity that the pure-hearted athlete apparently experienced after riding down that hill due to the fact that thinking a whole three seconds ahead is so mentally taxing.  Then again, I have a feeling that it will be difficult to distinguish it from his regular state of vapidity.

Of course, the fact of the matter is that most of us have our own daredevil dreams whether we admit it or not, and I am no exception.  Recently I found myself watching this video, and I realized that my ultimate fantasy is to one day become a Mavic Test Fred:


I was particularly impressed by the "riding through the sprinkler system" test:


Which was the most rigorous process I'd seen since the "diminutive Frenchman" test:

Naturally, if you're going to become a daredevil cyclist then you need an appropriate wardrobe, and nothing says "daredevil" like a Rock Racing "cycling waistcoat:"


Worn shirtless, of course:


Going sleeveless may not be UCI legal, but it's douchebag mandatory.

But what if you're not a daredevil at heart yet you still want to undertake an "epic" cycling adventure of self-discovery?  Well, you can always follow Huck Finn on your bike, as in this project I saw on the Kicking Starter:


Evidently this trip was not only funded but also happened already, and it was made "primarily by bicycle" even though they drove roughly twice as much as they rode:

Here’s the plan: Leave Houston to New Orleans June 15th and make it to Hannibal by June 30th. The proposed trip is approximately 1000 miles. Our original plan was to bike the entire way, carrying with us everything we needed but we realized the cost of panniers and other bike equipment would put the project out of our reach. So, we plan on driving from campsite to campsite, making it a rule to drive less than 100 miles a day and then doing our daily exploring and looking for pictures on our bicycles. We plan to bike about 50 miles a day. By traveling by primarily by bicycle, we will be able to see what one normally misses when traveling by car or by air– the "in-between", the quiet stretches of nothing, the lonesome truck stops, the Mom and Pop diners and the tiny changes in the terrain and vegetation. This type of touring is conducive to frequent stops and spontaneous interaction with the locals. The only reason we are taking the car is to have a “home-base”, not to cover miles.

There also was a daredevil component, since the trip involved spontaneously reenacting scenes from Huck Finn for total strangers:

In addition to straight documentary work, Logan wishes to connect and communicate with the people along the Mississippi in order to find how he relates to them. He has chosen several key moments in Huck Finn that he wishes to spontaneously reenact with the people we meet on the way. No planning, props limited to what’s around them.

I can't imagine how pretending to be a young delinquent and a runaway slave while riding bicycles in the Deep South could possibly go wrong.

In any case, as I mentioned, this trip actually happened already, and if you invested in it you're no doubt thrilled that it yielded some pretty awesome photos of their breakfast:


They should go to Etritrea next, I hear the eggs are fabulous.

127 comments:

Kenny said...

AND THAT'S HOW A BILL BECOMES A LAW!!

OBA said...

I fart money!

McFly said...

TACO THURSDAY

Anonymous said...

Top 4?
Pedaling.

McFly said...

It was originally set for Tuesday but due to scheduling conflicts it got postponed until Thursday, whuch is today, hence the excitement.

Anonymous said...

Kenny has a nose for the line..........s

Anonymous said...

scray...

mikeweb said...

Top 10-ish

Kenny said...

"Foreseeing and assessing the contingencies requires a hundred percent attention for that very moment and beyond."

I am SOOOO gonna use this in my next annual self-assessment!

Anonymous said...

Close to top ten and I even read about the various self-important bike trips, though I haven't watched the videos yet, not even the dog humping one. I'll wait until I get home first.

Anonymous said...

top ten holla

Anonymous said...

This Snob blog posting hurt my brain.

I was on the edge of laughing once but the reality that our world, even our bike world as outlined here, is full of shit, dampened any of that.

I'm going to go ride my bike now and be totally real doing it - no self important posturing, no first world arrogance, no "shit". If I owned a dog, I would buy him a treat, too. What would he know of any of this? Lucky dog.

pebes said...

me likee

mikeweb said...

So, let's assume that a "steep downhill" is 15% gradient. 60 kilometers of "steep downhill" equals an altitude drop of 29,598 feet.


I wasn't aware that Mt. Everest was in Eritrea. They should really call the Geographical Society.

Anonymous said...

Mathieu Lefevre's accident and the story of the cop hauled off to a locked mental ward by his superiors for whistle blowing makes my wary of the NYPD.

Joe Hill said...

Ah, the Eritrea branch of Dickheads San Frontieres...

wwib said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
singlespeedwaster said...

Top 20! Right in the scranus

Anonymous said...

$20 per person (2 people) for 15 days is not $500...how did the morons find their way home if basic math escapes them? Was this a book on tape or did someone read it to them? I need to wack myself in the head with a mallet so I can dumb down and get one of these kickstater gigs.

Anonymous said...

Interesting to see how a marginally employed, self-absorbed, person in the throes of regression relates to "country folk."

Acting out scenes from "Huck Finn" to random strangers certainly makes a point to such relations.

Anonymous said...

Caring about the Third World is so Byrnesque. But sleeveless vests are the way to go if you're gonna prance around with rednecks.
"DreamTOYS"??? Is that vest from the Adult Fantasy Costumes section and do they have a matching leather hood?

misster-PISSTA said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Also, the cyclist in SF who hit a woman was sentenced in a plea agreement the other day.

He got three years probation and payed a certain amount to the family.

The family was in agreement with the punishment.

misster-PISSTA said...

rain cut the meat world ride short today..get to finish with the main group..
we have had no winter here on the left coast till this week, so the fixie kids never stopped riding.. I do not however think of a crew of under 16 non privialaged kids yelling at each other to Mash it thru the redlites has anything to do with hipsters..esp. when the flyest whip in the bunch is one of those ones from urbane outfitters and everyone else is riding a converted 70's ten speed they couldnt safetly stand over even if they were wearing Kiss's platform shoes.. on second thought maybe that was the manila crew on a sponsered junket to the home of the mashers...

DerZoots said...

Going sleeveless may not be UCI legal, but it's douchebag mandatory.

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!

Breakfast pictures!
No before just afters?
Lame.

Kickstarter is quite the bait and switch with faux cyclist. At least they didn't "blackout" and wake up dehydrated in an emergency room in Seattle was it?

Fucking kickstarter.

mikeweb said...

...Logan wishes to connect and communicate with the people along the Mississippi in order to find how he relates to them.

"Oh, enough about me. So, what do YOU think about me?"

Why do so many of these kickstarter things seems like people trying to get other people to finance their leisure time and/ or vacations? I guess it's what we get in exchange for all that Welfare reform back in the 90s...

zoomer said...

Oh well, scranus....

and Weed Panties!

db said...

I know it's unintentional, but this blog is so depressing sometimes. How many douchebags does it take to ride a bicycle?

(Sorry, I'll try to come back next week looking at the bright side of life.)

Anonymous said...

Slightly epic breakfast photo.

eagleapex said...

Why don't fixie riders know about prime numbers?

Neil said...

I'm curious how the car they needed to drive this trip could possibly have cost less than new panniers.

McFly said...

Wait...if Asmawa guy is 3 seconds into the future can I take him with me to the Casino's in Memphis and get him to circle the craps table and signal me to the outcome of each roll so I will become rich? Genius.

Fred Vegg MacDouche' said...

The Vegan Network Presents ...

In HD-3D

Tonight 8 P.M. EDST

The World Primere of ...

'The Silence of the Tofu Cutlets'

Neil said...

Oh, I'm also curious how many people use kickstarter to finance their summer vacation.

Anonymous said...

mid pack comment fodder...

CommieCanuck said...

That waistcoat is awesome. The more I watch History TV, the more I realize America leads the world on abandoning sleeves. Sleeves are for woosies.

Anonymous said...

We were going to take a road trip (by car) but then we found out how much cars cost. That's when we decided to sit on the fire escape with a case of beer and five bags of chips and relate to motorists that we saw along the way.

We just need another $35.00.

CommieCanuck said...

Great Mavic video.
Transcript:
Furst,,vee use zee CAD to design le tire and make photos.
Zhen..vee do the rode testink wiss racing equips to make more photos.
zhen..vee use zee wind tunnel for some more photos.
and finally, vee buy 100,000 of zee cheep Chinese tires and stick on zee Mavic stick-ehrs.
Manufique!

Anonymous said...

AFRI CANT
KICK START
NEED WEED

I am not a funded engine said...

http://www.ifc.com/shows/portlandia/blog/2012/02/portlandia-help-fund-a-new-video-on-kickstarter

If you missed this last month, it will make you laugh, especially the last 5 seconds.

Buffalo Bill said...

I wish I could fart money, then I probably wouldn't get passed so often.

crosspalms said...

The Duke and the Dauphin probably could have done their Huck trip on paddle bikes. For extra authenticity, the locals could have given them the original sendoff.

bikesgonewild said...

...wow...today's post would better have been titled "continent to continent douchebags"...

...self entitled, self absorbed, self indulgent assclowns play "what i did on my summer vacation...whilst farting other peoples money"...

...glad i took the time to read it though, bsnyc/rtms/wcrm...reminds me that just 'cuz someone rides a bike doesn't mean i need to see us all as 'brothers & sisters of the wheel'...

...just sayin'...

Anonymous said...

I just got rid of the AYHSMB on my wheels and changed it to SIDWFM.

Keith Earickson said...

Kickstarter is starting to piss me off. I know, why'd it take so long? It's just panhandling. I guess we all deal with our white guilt differently, ME, I eat a ton of black pussy.

Anonymous said...

Best post in weeks. He has tri-cages on his fixie saddle.... what a complete idiot.

FixieDouche said...

EURO FART

JB said...

"By traveling by primarily by bicycle, we... [snip] The only reason we are taking the car is to have a “home-base”, not to cover miles."

I don't think "primarily" means what he thinks it means.

They are driving 100 miles per day, then riding 50 miles per day. With and out and back, the maxiumum portion of their route they could "cover" is 25 miles.

dicks.

Anonymous said...

Fixie guys jumping the light to race the old guy roadie (me). I call them "jack rabbits". Boothumping dogs is even better. Thanks for the link.I wonder if Leroy's dog will consider it "dog porn"!

Marcel Da Chump said...

No cure for fixie.

Monchberter said...

Fixie douche in Eritrea is the new Kony 2012

Throwaway_Bicycling said...

BikeSnobNYC blogged:

Of course, the seasonal uptick in fixiebike riders means increased demand for certain goods and services, among these being bike tune-ups they don't need, updated hip pouches to fit the new contours of their upgraded smartphones, and crucial tattoo sleeve embellishments.

Wow; on Monday, you had me convinced we had a scranus economy, but now on Thursday it seems more like a fixiebike/douchebag economy.

I learn so much from this blog.

g-roc said...

I need a douche filter on my browser. Literally and euphemistically.

Anonymous said...

Unfair to fixiebikes.... Mine's got lights, reflectors and a bell. And a brake. And old BMX dropouts (which I brazed in).

Can I keep it please? I like it, even though it's hilly here.

hey nonny mouse

yogisurf said...

"I can't imagine how pretending to be a young delinquent and a runaway slave while riding bicycles in the Deep South could possibly go wrong." - Me neither...and hey, you freewheelers, take the breakfast pic before you eat 1/2 of it.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Maybe tomorrow recumbabe?

Anonymous said...

ASTH MAWA

Anonymous said...

There is no need to click on the Paige....this pussy will refresh automatically....

Drink said...

I just ate a dorito taco. it was delish.

Bilk-the-stupid said...

I'm thinking of starting a kickstarter to fund a really good kickstarter video. Kinda of a meta-kickstarter.

I'm not being facetious. Really, I mean it.

And no fair stealing my idea either!

leroy said...

Oh I am so going to tell my dog BSNYC posted video of him on a training ride.

Drink said...

DRTO TACO

Rol said...

Ugh, almost too much douche for one day. These dipshits need to be drafted. Into the army that is. It's a great outlet for all that youthful energy, you can embellish your sleeve tattoos and wear hip pouches of various sorts, you get to "make frequent stops and interact with the locals," you get to "foresee and assess the contingencies," and best of all, you might even put some muscle on. I wish I were kidding.

Too Busy to Rampage Just Now Today said...

... tri-cages on his fixie saddle...HA.
+
if only we wore his daisy dukes from an unfortunate earlier photo i can't get out of my head, THAT combo would have literally killed me.

and the nike/livestrong use is almost equally disturbing as the blown fixie tire representing 20% of an eritrean's annual salary...

need to turn brain off, as urge to rampage is growing... Growing... GROWING....

douchebag overload.

i'm too easily exhausted after thinking about this kind of stuff.

btw snobbie, an interview with this guy is absolutely required.

Jimbo said...

I shit nickels!

bikesgonewild said...

...so my friend craig calfee starts building a few bamboo bikes back in '95 & admittedly, they were kind of a fun publicity stunt at the time...

...the thing is, they work as good as, or better than he'd figured & so, yes, he markets his bamboo bikes...

...now, having traveled extensively in africa throughout the years & having seen firsthand, the conditions, mr craig calfee, being an intelligent & altruistic human being, realizes he can offer an opportunity based on sustainability to great numbers of people who could utilize that opportunity...

...thus is formed 'bamboosera' which allows people in developing countries not just a lesson in how to build frames out of local product but even access to a supply chain & business & technical support...

...anyway, i'm not gonna keep praising a wonderful effort but i thought i'd throw this up in comparison to the 'fix gear skid douche' & the 'kickstart vacationers' mentioned earlier...

...just sayin' that if you really wanna be a self centered douche & toot your own horn, ya oughta have something to say...

Jimbo said...

Wow, so I looked at the Huck-douche blog, http://followinghuckfinn.blogspot.com/

and as far as I can tell there is only one old black man living by the Mississippi in any one of the many abandoned buildings or empty diners. No bicycle pics. Zero comments on any of their posts.

Marcel Da Chump said...

@crosspalms, +1 or ,at least, tar and feathers on their bikes.

Eaton Pussy jr. said...

HUCK FEAD

KICK STOP

le Correcteur said...

crosspalms at 2:05:

You, Sir, get the award for the most literarily intelligent comment of all today's comments. I salute you!

Serial Retrogrouch said...

goddamned the nice weather... one day of sunshine and all the stupid fixters are out already.. i damn near got run over a couple of times on the bridge yesterday!!! and it seems their handlebars got narrower while their midriffs got wider over the winter months!

Anonymous said...

fuckleberry hinn

Buy-cycle said...

Thanks for rekindling my resentment towards pointless fixie excursions. scranus

Billy said...

Kind of a depressing post today, Snob. Not as depressing as reading about the Republican presidential primaries or anything but not doing much to restore my optimism in our species. I need to go back to reading your book instead.

Anonymous said...

"Logan wishes to connect and communicate with the people along the Mississippi in order to find how he relates to them." Logan, or Jane Goodall? They're lucky if the locals didn't relate to them with two barrels of 00 buckshot. Rol @ 3:03 = epic win.

Anonymous said...

Huck Finn A

Anonymous said...

You say "I don't know about you, but I really hate enjoying my environment." HUH? I can understand not enjoying the "environment" of NYC, but there are beautiful places in the country and world to ride, at least for those of us who are not so engrossed in the actual act of riding, such as 'sensitive" atheletes, racers, or Freds.

Anonymous said...

g-roc at 3:05pm

...then your browser will be literally stiff and euphemistically compliant.

Anonymous said...

The Tour de France: 200 riders, 21days "touring" 2,000 miles in the most visited country in the world, and all they see is asphalt, cobble stones, their front wheels, handlebars, and the ass of the rider in front of them. I call that "enjoying their environment." How sad!

McFly said...

Thanks for not including stickers with the latest literary masterpiece, I like to have NEVER got the other one's off the downtube of that used Cannondale I picked up for a song due to the powerful NASA adhesive. Also, thanks for not rubbing a customary "relaxed casual just kickin' it on my deck" picture of your big head in the back either, it would have to fold out.

DerZoots said...

@ McFLy
When you buy used it takes some work to erase the remains of another persons broken dream.

That's why they make Goof Off.

Nebraska Bike Commuter (non DWI edition) said...

Happy Birthday Frilly, wherever you are.

ken e. said...

If that's how it is, i am so in!
Happy Birthday Frilly!

BIG LOOSER said...

You're too pure-hearded.
Just relax, Wildcat Rock Machine.

g-roc said...

Anon 5:05 - It would be interesting to read Snob's blog without a sense of irony or sarcasm and see if I'd still find it interesting. I guess it is. Huh.

McFly said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
McFly said...

Yo g it's like you read my brain....

cipo said...

Oh by the way, which one's Pink?

Anonymous said...

Only a four "scranus" rating today for the comments?

I guess that serious blogging jacket the Snob donned this morning has taken the "fun" out of everyone.

Well, theirs always tomorrow...

Anonymous said...

Assclown was exactly what I was thinking when @BGW came out of his bedroom wearing fishnets and wanted me to put on the rubber suit.

Anonymous said...

If I add another scranus, will that help? Or are we into "if a tree falls in the forest" territory here?

Scranus!

And tomorrow, slagging off faux-cyclocross.....

hey nonny mouse

misster-PISSTA said...

to annon 2:37 PM
who said
"I call them "jack rabbits".


Movingtargetzine- coined the phrase

GUTTERBUNNY years ago

for riders with that behavior i like it to this day

Anonymous said...

Patrick Seabase is the apex of idiocy.

Cipo said...

eating pussy

JDH (North of Hannibal) said...

The douche-tastic kickstarter duo's excuse for taking a car is pure sissy. A topographical map of the route would scare the polka dot jersey off'a guy. It's ALL uphill, and then you hit the roller coaster called Missouri.

leroy said...

Is it just me or does "spontaneously reenacting" scenes from Huck Finn with random strangers encountered while traveling remind anyone else of the ending to Easy Rider?

96....

leroy said...

Or that scene from Deliverance?

97...

leroy said...

Or Ishtar?

98....

leroy said...

Or Howard the Duck?

99...

Nebraska Bike Commuter (non DWI edition) said...

Hunnert

Kokoda Treks said...

The Kokoda Trail is now a honey-pot attracting clans from distance villagers trying to cash in on the trekking industry. Pristine jungle is being cleared for campsites, toilets are being sited on waterways and disputes are becoming the order of the day.

Nogocyclist said...

How much research of the area did the Huck Finn trip kickstarter folks actually do?

Apparently not much. The area they covered is what I consider my extended home area.

Mistakes from "Key Destinations"
1. Natchez is in Mississippi, not LA (Louisiana)
2. Natchez is rich in slave history, but in no way is it considered exemplary of race relations in the U.S. (It's history is very interesting, a few Blacks in Natchez owned slaves, etc. It's wealth was built on the backs of slaves, but the city was spared a lot of the turmoil of other cities in the South during the civil rights era. It's history is very much a part of the history of the Black Man in the American South, but the history of the city is unique, not typical.
3. The National Military Park is in Vicksburg MS (Mississippi) not in Michigan.
4.Helena and West Helena are both in Arkansas. Helena MS is close to the Gulf Coast, not on the Mississippi River. Again, the abbreviation for Mississippi is MS, not MI.

5. Both Helena and West Helena are on the same side of the Mississippi River. They are not even divided by one of the many Oxbow Lakes that the Mississippi River created by changing it's course. They were likely areas divided by the river, but that was likely many centuries before either city was even a community.

There may be more mistakes, but these mistakes are the ones that would simply jump off the page to anyone who lives anywhere near the area they traveled through.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the directing of readers to Copenhagenize. It's a great blog.

It's logical and informative, but not as funny or engaging as this one.

Daresay I bring it up, but he did something on "those about whom we do not speak."

http://www.copenhagenize.com/2010/07/vehicular-cyclists-secret-sect.html

Dave said...

I lived in Eritrea, teaching in a school there for four years. Beautiful country, great people, brutal regime. As part of our introduction to the country in our first week there we were issued with bikes and 20 of the volunteer teachers rode down from Asmara to Masawa to the red sea coast. That was on chinese made 'snowbikes' distinguished by their quadruple chainsets!
Cycling is by far the most popular sport in Eritrea - a legacy of the italian colonisation - and there is a healthy racing scene made up of professional teams (sponsored by various government organisations like the telecommunications ministry). Even if the bikes they race on are from the 1980s and machines that the average fred wouldn't be seen dead on they are prized possessions there and criteriums in Asmara can attract crowds of hundreds of kids to see there heroes race. The Eritrean Cyclist speaking english in the clip is Michael Tuko - one of the fastest sprinters there.
During my time there I managed to do some racing with the cyclists there, thanks to the Tele team who welcomed me to train with them.
One of my fondest moments was riding the Tour of Eritrea in 2004 - a week long stage race which covered just about all the tarmac roads in the country. Organised on a shoestring budget, with Toyota pickups as team cars and crowds out to welcome us as we passed each town - even the old women showering us with popcorn (its part of their culture, you know).
The penultimate stage was actually from Massawa on to Asmara (the opposite direction to the ride of the douch) 110k, 50k across the desert in heat of over 40 degC (no idea what that is in Fahrenheit but it was bloody hot) then the last 60k up the hill that he cycled down. One of the commenters said the hil can't have been 'very steep' - well, not all the way, but it does gain 2300m in 60k which averages out at just under 4%. And there's a steep bit just before the top at Bar Durfo.
You can see more of it at:
http://www.asbridge.me.uk/pages/view/showpage.html?user=david&name=cyclingeritrea&type=text
or
http://www.asbridge.me.uk/pages/view/showpage.html?user=david&name=touroferitrea&type=text
Look out for the Eritrean cyclists who are managing to race here in Europe now. The Ethiopians and more recently Eritrean athletes have shown how good they are at running, and they are pretty handy at cycling too - especially uphill!
Cheers,
Dave

Anonymous said...

Panties!

Dooth said...

Someone makes a thoughtful, informative comment, followed by a Panties! comment...I love this blog.

crosspalms said...

hey nonny mouse,
"If a tree falls in the forest" -- take the bus

mikeweb said...

@Dave,

Great story! Glad you shared it. I'll definitely check out that site.

Thanks.

McFly said...

That is a great story, the mountainous terrain even rivals Busty Legends.

Bod said...

Who the fuck fucked their money up the wall to send some dick on a vacation? "Can I have some of your hard earned money so I can ride my bike for fun random stranger from the internet?" Maybe I should ask for $500 so I can commute to work by bike... Shit, I already do that and I use my own fucking money to pay for it. How about $1000 so I can film myself having a dump? $2000 dollars to send me to the Bahamas so I can sit on the beach for a week drinking margaritas? Sign below!
That woman who got a headache and cut her "epic" adventure short was my favourite...

leroy said...

Dave --

Thanks for the link, very cool!

Anonymous said...

I read Huck Finn 17 times when I was a kid. Trust me, he didn't have no stinkin' bike, and unless your bike has giant tires that float, your bike's not going where Huck went.

Anonymous said...

"the lonesome truck stops, the Mom and Pop diners"? Bullshit. Freight moved by horse-drawn conveyance or steamboat in Huck's world, not by truck, and Mom and Pop were too busy shoveling up horescrap to bother opening diners.

Stiveaux said...

Sometimes you have to kick some hipster ass, and today was one of those days. Brilliant.

logansbeck said...

Lots of haters on here...

Anonymous said...

The only douche-baggery bigginer in Africa is Jason Russell of the "KONY 2012" viral movie. He was just arrested for public masturbation and vandalizing cars while supremely loaded in San Diego, CA.

I expect this guy to soon be naked on the street flinging scranus to the sky. And loaded. Not on a fixie cuz he fall off.

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stanzgeraet said...

Fuck the army. fuck all of you...except the guy who lived in eritrea..the only nice person around here...oh and did i say fuck you? fuck you fuckers. fuck.

helena said...

They have just launched their own line of cruisers, the sixthreezero cruisers, which can only be found on beachbikes.net.

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Robert said...

That guy looks like Donald Glover with a receding hairline.

iffatali said...

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