Thursday, June 11, 2009

Working for the Clampdown: The Importance of Word Choice


("The Impact Broke My Scapula" t-shirt in the white "colorway," forwarded by a reader.)

Among the comments on yesterday's post regarding the incendiary Mavic R-Sys was this simple remark:

While the commenter's use of "golf clap" as a closing salutation would indicate mild appreciation and tempered enthusiasm, I was nonetheless disappointed in myself for not referring to rims as "hoops." As an occasional bike reviewer, it's essential that I demonstrate a working knowledge of review parlance at all times. If I fail to do so then bicycle companies will surely dismiss me as an amateur and never again will I taste the fragrant, sticky nectar of sweet, sweet product. The fact is, the cycling industry is like a giant speakeasy, and words like "hoops" are the code words you must speak through the door in order to gain access. Moreover, these code words change all the time. Of course, the undisputed master of cycling publication jargon is James Huang of Cyclingnews, who's so far ahead of the curve in this area that he's practically lapping the field. Take his recent review of the Cannondale Six Carbon 3 Compact:




In it, he refers to brakes not as "stoppers," but as "clampers:"



As far as I knew, "stoppers" was still the "cool" word, so to say that Huang's use of the word "clampers" threw me for a loop is an understatement. When I saw it, I actually felt like I was 30 minutes into a criterium and totally anaerobic, only to have my R-Sys explode beneath me. Even worse, on top of being surprised I was also embarrassed; I felt like some parent trying to be hip, only to be jeered at by his teenage children for using outmoded slang. So I beat my fist against my forehead like Chris Farley and repeated to myself, "clampers, clampers, clampers!" This seemed to do the trick, because I'm pretty sure I now have the lingo straight--though I had to make some flash cards to help me remember:


















This should ensure that my next review sounds like a bad parody of Kerouacian "spontaneous bop prosody." For best results, be sure to read it with bongo accompaniment.

Speaking of sad attempts to stay "with it," one of the best ways to fake "street cred" is to buy the right used bicycle. This is especially true in the world of fixed-gears, where bike choice is everything. Nobody wants to look like a "noob" by riding the wrong bike--especially now that the scene is closed. ("Rocking" a Pista or an IRO with bullhorns while wearing a Triple 8 helmet and a Chrome bag marks you as a modern-day "Fred," and they'll never let an obvious narc like you into the fixie speakeasy.) Similarly, ITTET, it's considered gauche to "run" an expensive NJS or vintage Italian track bike since so many people are losing their parental funding. Of course, you can always choose from among the current crop of fixed-gear freestyle bikes, but then you've got to start wearing limited edition sneakers, acting like Jamie Kennedy in "Malibu's Most Wanted," and demonstrating your ability to do barspinzzz. No, the best way is to sneak in through the metaphorical back door by pretending you bought a cheap track bike way back in the late 1990s, which is why the GT GTB is so highly coveted. Usually, beat up frames these days sell for about what a brand-new complete bike used to cost, so this particular specimen is a relative bargain:




Bad Ass GTB 1 - $450 (Jersey City)
Reply to: [deleted]

Date: 2009-06-10, 4:33PM EDT


Recently turning the big 3-1 has led to a number of changes in my boyfriends life. The most important, or at least pertinent to this posting, is that his ass just cant take it like it used to.


A former bike messenger, his hiney has kissed the seats of many a great bike, and this current beauty is no exception. Unfortunately, the fit young booty he sported at 29 just cant take the narrow seat and fixed gear set up.


If you are a nice young thing lookin to score a sweet ride and have an ass you can bounce quarters off of, this is the bike for you.


GTB-1

Good gear ratio

Easy ride

Fixed Gear

Fugino Crank

Brand new Bon Trager Tires


Air freshener included. Email inquiries only please.





This posting is nearly as eccentric as it is ass-centric--in addition to the "Fugino" crank, I counted five posterior references, and that's not including the air freshener hanging from the ass pedestal. (One wonders if simply replacing the current ass pedestal with a new one would solve the owner's comfort problems.) In a normal world, $450 wouldn't be especially cheap for an old mass-produced track bike, but in this age of fixed-gear insanity it almost seems too good to be true--in fact, between the price tag and the frequent ass mentions this could very well be a trap to lure some naive aspiring fixter into a freaky storage unit scenario.

I was also confused by the "Bon Trager" tires and wondered if they were French. For a moment I thought it was some kind of new Mavic product. I've actually been hearing rumors that they're working on a new power meter, but instead of measuring a rider's power output in watts it measures it in the force of one diminutive Frenchman trying to crush a hollow carbon R-Sys spoke:

Mavic is hoping that its proprietary Diminutive Frenchman Unit (or DFU) will one day become the industry standard. I hear that Tom Boonen can unleash over a thousand DFUs in a sprint--which is to say nothing of the massive amounts of cocaine he can consume through an R-Sys spoke, but I think on the streets of Belgium they still measure that in grams.

Speaking of drug consumption and "street cred," if you're a rock star you don't have to worry about which fixed-gear you ride, because you're automatically welcome in the speakeasy. I was stunned recently to receive an email from a reader informing me that Robert Plant rides a fixed-gear. I was doubtful, but the reader actually included a photo to back up the claim:


Yep, that's definitely Robert Plant, though with the sunglasses and pants I almost didn't recognize him:


Not only that, but the rider on the left is obviously New York Dolls frontman David Johansen:

Hopefully the fact that Plant and Johansen are riding fixed-gears together means they're working on a "collabo" of some kind. I wouldn't be surprised if they "drop" an album together soon. They could call it "Bulges and Nipple Slips."

Really, I think the only thing that would make me happier than a Plant/Johansen "joint" would be if James Huang were to use one of my words in a review. For example, it would please me beyond measure if he were to mention "rubbing" a component. While this has yet to happen, I was momentarily excited this morning when I spotted a hopped-up Dodge Ram palping a decal which read "Rubbin' is Racin':"

For just a moment there I thought that use of the word "rub" meaning "to use" had finally gone mainstream. However, a little internet research soon revealed that "Rubbin' is Racin'" is a common phrase in the NASCAR scene. (Or "NASCAR culture" if you're the kind of person who says "colorway.") This in turn led me to wonder if and when the "hipster" community will cultivate an ironic appreciation for NASCAR--the fixed-gear blog "Hipster Nascar" notwithstanding. Really, watching NASCAR would seem to slot much more neatly into the life of the typical hipster than fixed-gear bikes do; since they enjoy spending so much time in fake dive bars anyway, they could simply watch NASCAR races in them instead of getting their Deep Vs stolen outside of them.

Of course, it's all too easy to stereotype people. The truth is, not all hipsters are hapless fashion victims whose bikes get ripped off outside of bars while they're getting ripped off inside of them. Similarly, not all NASCAR fans shoot things with antlers. However, some of them do, which is why it can be dangerous to "rub" too many barends on your bike:

A reader recently spotted this specimen in Corvallis, OR. Personally, I'd be afraid to ride it, since some unironic NASCAR fan stereotype might mistake you for a buck and take aim at you.

I would also be hesitant to rub this cyclocross tire belt, to which a friend recently alerted me:

Really, few people get away with such a hideous accessory. You'd have to be a real rock star to pull it off. Actually, now that Robert Plant is wearing pants, this might interest him.

129 comments:

Anonymous said...

first-time!

Anonymous said...

podium >>>>>>>

Anonymous said...

First!

Anonymous said...

Do I get the same time as everyone else?

Anonymous said...

Yeah!

bikesgonewild said...

...r-sys-tem of a down...

rezado said...

Blondes have a hard time keeping it together.

Anonymous said...

I'm beside myself with laughter here and I'm not even halfway through the post! Epic. Oops, I used a dirty word.

dwth said...

top 10!

Anonymous said...

not too bad

Astroluc said...

11th?

and my 34 yr. old ass seems to have no problem with my road seat... hmn, mayhap that girls BF needs to be riding more to reduce the size of said butt?

too many PBRs?

could be?

mikeweb said...

mikeweb1st!

CommieCanuck said...

so James "The Wang" Huang thinks the Cannondale has too much substance, this can only mean one thing, 4.75/5 stars over the industry standard 4.5/5 stars.

bikesgonewild said...

...snob sez:- "...then bicycle companies will surely dismiss me...& never again will I taste the fragrant, sticky nectar of sweet, sweet product"...

...unfortunately, the fragrant, sticky nectar of ben delaney's sweet, sweet product testing was his own flowing blood...

hillbilly said...

bgw with the win! (after all the dq's) and mikeweb with a close enough to smell the money finish!

i'm definitely on dooda's side, but snob, please tell me you've seen a picture of the man's "facial hair"

jon said...

My ass can't take it like it used to, either.

But I'll just buy (rock, rub, ass-master?) a new saddle. Seems simpler.

bikesgonewild said...

...britney spears reviewing the latest mavic r-sys wheelset:- "hoops, they did it again"...

leon astray said...

As a fat ass rider, the shame is already omnipresent (i get my ride in early while the cool people are still gathering their orders at starbucks).

So just go down and get get yerself a seat that will not give you a cholecystotomy, and suck it in (as far as you can).

EVERYONE gets old.

EVERYONE eventually dies.

DEAL.

Mad Jack McMad said...

Top 20?

libertyonbikes! said...

stompers & clampers?
so it's come full circle,
to sound credible at the shop
you also sound like someone
who can't actually name a part
on a bike.
"you know the bar-thingy that the
other bar bolts onto"
will cranks be 'spinners'?
I'll take my bike to the old lady
across the street,
and she can give me all the new
names I need....

Anonymous said...

I'm waiting for the great day when everyone palps and spalms, early and often.

Paul Bowen said...

Genius, just genius. How you find time to come up with work of this quality and hold down a job too is beyond me - bravo, Sir!

Latest Brixton Academy 'Guess The Band From The Crowd' fail:
guess: Linkin Park
actual: Faith No More
What was I thinking? They were far too old (and male) for LP.

Anonymous said...

wankers...

mikeweb said...

very nice, bgw.

Perhaps the Fugino crank on that track bike was the result of a past callabo between Sugino and the eponymous punk act, Fugazi?

Paul Bowen said...

Hats off times two to bikesgonewild

hillbilly said...

we're really overlooking the glaring embarrassment that is the fact that dude with the sore ass is having his gf sell his bike for him. clearly he can't replace the saddle if he can't even type a freakin ad himself. lady, he's not getting old, he's the laziest person in the world.

Anonymous said...

I would love to stumble upon Faith No More in the park.. Easy like Sunday Mornin,' fella.

Anonymous said...

There was a guy at the local time trial. 83 years old in full on aero kit. His wife was there too. He averaged a very decent 20+ mph for the windy ride.

His ass apparently could still handle sitting on a saddle.

hillbilly said...

ha! or maybe the Fugees and Shimano?

mikeweb said...

As far as the nature of ass-saddle collabos, last weekend my GF commented on a rotund lycra clad rider going by, that she couldn't see his seat. I replied that for some folks, it stops being a seat and starts being a suppository.

I'm so going to hell...

libertyonbikes! said...

actually a very effective summary
of brightly colored track bikes ... Robert Plant solo.

(and the urge to watch The Wedding Singer to relive all the 'radicalness' of the 80's)

So a steel frame bike with Campy gears and 'clampers' would be Led Zep?

ant1 said...

ant1st!

mikeweb said...

Reading that NYT 'Trustafarian' article really makes me want to take a ride up the famed 'fixie silk route', hockey stick in hand. The brutal cross-checks will commence at Bedford and S. 3rd st...

Anonymous said...

Here's hoping the R-sys becomes the next fixter aerospoke.

Anonymous said...

Bon Trager is correctly pronounced "Bon tre-jhay", in keeping with the product's French lineage. Sheesh, do I have to edumatate everyone about this?!

ant1 said...

FNM! God I hope they tour the US.

Slappy said...

I mean come on people, just do the research, there is blood that flows through the taint and you either sit on a seat where the blood can keep flowing or you don't. Sure i drank the big red S cool aid but i also sat on my toupe for 200 mi in the rain one day, and on my phenom for 3 months cross country without ever having a prob. DO you reeaallly reaally like riding bikes? then get a saddle you can ride indefinitly, or just stick with rollerbladin'

b said...

here's the real golf clap:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BmjHT5GpAYQ

bikesgonewild said...

...robert plant/david johansen collabo...first album titled 'big package'...

Anonymous said...

Didn't you already use that GTB bit before?

Anonymous said...

hillbilly, what we are really overlooking here might be the fact that this couple could perhaps get a narrower seat. Lots of lube might help too. I was wondering about that air freshener..

Dee Kellan said...

I haven't seen Jolene around here in a while.

Anonymous said...

Snob,

As an ex-Nascar fan (that is why today I post as anonymous)I had always assumed that you harbored a secret love for left hand turning automobiles. Rubbing means, as I am sure you know, actually rubbing your car (i.e. crashing into) your opponents to further your spot on the track. Of course, in that vain, bicycle racing is a lot like Nascar isn't it? Rubbing, crashing, some forms turning left only. And a lot of racer wannabes.

Oh, and morning is misspelled in today's post.

bikesgonewild said...

..."The Importance of Word Choice"...

...fix gear hipsters...nowadays, they're just so, ah, mainstream...

Anonymous said...

I really dig the tire belt. Got to find one with the right tread to go with my juaraches, though.

Anonymous said...

That's gotta be a mtb tire trimmed to belt width. I don't think there are any cross tires with knobs that big.

Anonymous said...

I know nothing about bikes but a LOT about pictures of Robert Plant: the teeny soccer speedos pic is Plant, but I have SERIOUS doubts about that being him with the bike. I've never seen that photo and frankly, nothing about it looks like him (even the curls, really). If it IS him, it was an OFF day.

Anonymous said...

Days of Thunder 1990
Cole Trickle: Yeah, well this son of a bitch just slammed into me.
Harry: No, no, he didn't slam you, he didn't bump you, he didn't nudge you... he 'rubbed' you. And rubbin' son, is racin'.

Seanywonton said...

Dang. I was gunning for 1st today but my R-sys blew out on the turn!

ant1 said...

anon 1:55 - I still rub a pair of Nike Huaraches. Best shoes ever.

bikesgonewild said...

...anon 1:57pm...one word that hasn't been used here for, well, hours, is ironic...

...as in, "isn't it 'ironic' that bsnyc/rtms found a cool foto of two long haired hipsters who could pass as plant & johansen "posing" w/ fix gear bikes ???"...

...just sayin'...

Once known as The Badger said...

Epic, indeed.

And to add yet even more street cred to your ongoing essay(s) about fixies and their "culture", I sold a 22 year old Schwinn Prologue frame for $100 more than I paid for it in 1985. Yes, $350 for a 22 year old frame. It became, I'm afraid, some young thing's fixie... a sad ending to a long, sweet life.

johnbryanpeters said...

I wish I had seen this post sooner - NASCAR as the fixters of the motor world! The delayed epiphany is a little too much for me.

Jim said...

Wait a minute. So you mean to tell me that the R-Sys wheels I won at the local Mountain Bike Jamboree isn't safe to use on my 29'er in next week's Clydesdale Dirt Jump Champeenships?

But the ad copy said they were safe and strong...

ice cube said...

So guys buy track bikes to pick-up beat-down hags like that?

BoCoMike said...

Robert Plant with Allison Krauss in tow. No doubt part of the fixed gear Raising Sand tour.

hillbilly said...

did some commenter really say 'i have seen a lot of pictures of robert plant and i don't think that's him,' or have i been hitting the wednesday weed too hard?

Disgruntl Ed. said...

I suspect that you are understating the force of that DFU. His t-shirt clearly states SSC, which probably stands for something including "super" and "compression." This is the same nation that produced the TGV, remember.

grog said...

So, let me get this straight. If I'm "rubbin my tool with a nipple wrench", that means I'm "racing my ultra hip bike which has adjustable metallic spokes". Is that right?

Anonymous said...

anon 1:57, another word you wont see used here too much unless you really look for it is sarcasm.
Usually found between lines
...just to let you know...

g-rock said...

Robert Plant's rockin' an impressive set of manmaries.

Anonymous said...

anyone else not able to link to the comments from yesterday? I've had this happen before - but today Snobbie refers to them?

Anonymous said...

New York Dolls playing at the House of Blues in Orlando tonight in case your are interested.

Strayhorn said...

Wow, that components list on the C-dale was just sad. Tektro brakes? KMC chain? Within the span of four years they went from Campy to Tektro.

Perhaps they should just sell the frames and leave the Walmart stuff on the factory floor.

Anonymous said...

How, exactly, does one develop expertise in discerning Robert Plant in photographs? Do you use flashcards?

jolene said...

shit you pansy ass city boys dont no shit from shineola

http://www.racingmetal.com/images/johnson/JJ442.jpg

thats what rubbin is in the reel world get whith it my my my i hads some good time at the track but it in volved some nachoes and mgd and skoal and winstons and boy howdy nascars for the rich fuckin city boys we do it with the late model outlaws and midgits here in gods country fucker boy howdy

danica patrick can beat all yer asses i seed her cold cock a state trooper and he was impressed

christopher columbus said...

i rename every trail i ride. not only that but every 100 meters gets its own new name. its great cause nobody knows wtf i'm talking about and even short easy rides sound epic.

Wes said...

Ant1

Snobby's started explaining - for just a moment there I thought that use of the word "rub" meaning "to use" had finally gone mainstream - does this mean bsexplanation has been cold cocked (thanks for that one jolene)?

Mongo Pusher said...

Noval-Gonzalez !

bikesgonewild said...

...bsexplanation definitely needs some new input...

...just sayin'...

kale said...

Snob,

Thanks for the idea for my new million dollar project - buy up all the old R-sys wheelsets, saw the spokes into the ideal 6.7 cm lengths (Boonen 2005, personal communication), and resell them as "party straws" at local LBBs and LDBs.

The lightweight design and novelty will assuredly provide for hours of bathroom conversation.

There will still be a crash when used, but it won't involve the pavement, or high speeds (unless you're in Portland).

Isolation Helmet said...

The bike is obviously being sold by some female trustafarian whose boyfriend moved back home to mom and pop. She's pissed that his parents will no longer suppliment her monthly maintenance and mortgage and she needs some cash. She is also looking for a new boyfriend and wants someone with a tight ass.

Jay said...

Nice scraper bike

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hQGLNPJ9VCE

Jay said...

...the bike in Corvallis, I mean

Anonymous said...

I think that bike is Barry Wicks'

Wes said...

bikesgonewild

It seems some people have no idea how to operate a successful blog. For my own part, I am an exceptionally busy man - it's not like I've got hours to sit at a computer in the evenings.

Maybe one day, when I am employed sir, I will have the time?

kale said...

Well, what else are we supposed to post on over there? It's kinda on a request-based system.

I'd just like to point out that since the inception of bsexplanation, nobody has asked what RTMS stands for...

Anonymous said...

Like new 2009 Mavic R-sys Premium wheel set - $900 (Puyallup)

http://seattle.craigslist.org/skc/bik/1216875008.html

James Gordon said...

Huang is about as creative as a brick in a tub of jello. Snob has inspired me to best Huang with my won new brake phrase: lemon squeezers.

"squeeze my lemons 'till the juice runs down my fork" R. Plant

bikesgonewild said...

...wes...just don't fall into that ugly vicious circle of "i got no job so i can't afford to ride but if i get a job, i won't have the time to ride"...

...life deserves a good ride & it's up to us all to provide it...

...kale...you have a point, up to a point...perhaps bsnyc/rtms should have a little red "push for bs-explanation" button in the side panel that directly leads the inquiree' to the site...

Seanywonton said...

"...his ass just cant take it like it used to."

Snob, did you find that in "Bikes for sale" or "Casual Encounters"?

Just sayin

Andrew said...

Honest to god truth: I sold a GTB in less than a day through CL about a month ago for $400 with almost entirely original parts- the original wheelset (Alex rims and the low-end Suzue hubs), cranks with the chainring teeth worn down to nubs, and an ass hatchet saddle. Considering that CLister has two Surly Tuggnuts on there ($25 a tugg), it seems the going rate for a 10 year old junky aluminum frame track bike with original components is apparently whatever its original MSRP was.

Anonymous said...

I tried to shoot sumpin' with antlers once, but I couldn't figger out how to make 'em go off.

Maybe I was rubbin' em wrong.

And while it is true that everyone gets old and everyone dies, yer fat ass is yer own galdarned fault.

southpole said...

i think it's obvious
thats not a girl selling his boyfriends bike...

Fred said...

I think there’s more here than meets the eye. I know of Clampers ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/E_Clampus_Vitus) from the distinctly non-cycling event of Bishop Mule Days ( http://www.muledays.org/), where they show up in large numbers and become very drunk.

I’m guessing Mr. Huang is himself a Clamper, and was sending a shout-out to his fellow slack-bellied, sun-burned, Coors-drunk lovers of impotent horse mongrels.

Sean said...

Hey--I know who owns that bike in Corvallis. He's an older gent with long nasty dreads. He used to work at the head shop downtown before it was bought. Who'da thunk it?

red neckerson said...

stop dissing shooting things with antlers becos its a damm good rule

jolene onced shot a deer that aint got no antlers and some city boy tried to claim it as his own

jolene said she was going to shoot him if he didnt stop trying to take the deer away from her

the city boy said ok lady you kin have yor deer just let me keep the saddle

Hoop Crazy said...

Max Armstrong is already down with the lingo: http://img19.yfrog.com/i/vhm.jpg/

RB1 said...

... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/E_Clampus_Vitus

What a coincidence ! I was having beers tonight with an old friend who was telling me that he finally turned his pink vitus into a fixed gear. No discussion of clamps, though. I forgot to ask.

Anonymous said...

finally the bike snob mentions the "fred"...
back in the day fred merely wore white tube socks with his shiny spandex and brand spankin new top of the line bike...
now anything piece of junk on trackasaurus makes you a fred.
thats a lot of junk...

Dick Cheney said...

I used to have a set of pink vitus clamps around here somewhere. Where did those get to?

Bike Rider Guy said...

Will team Cervelo become the new hipster cycling team? All of the team are wearing this accesory from Vittoria
flickr.com/photos/huggerindustries/2713365945/

I didn't think that was Robert Plant, looks more like Linda Hamilton in Terminator.

Fred said...

Wikipedia (correctly, I believe) describes two distinct types of Fred. One is the slow dentist in over-stretched T-Mobile kit with a pristine Serrotta. The other has a touring bike with gel pads, a helmet mirror, tube socks and the pedal stroke of epileptic Gilbert Gottfried.

Keeping these things clear is a point of personal pride for me.

Anonymous said...

Given that his arse is pulped , I believe that that sadistic girlfriend has had a shopping trip to a little shop with a lot of X's in its name and bought a strap on. No wonder he can no longer sit on his ride

Jules said...

Can't believe that nobody's commented on the glorious Wolverhampton Wanderers shirt being rubbed by Robert Plant. Good luck to the boys in the Old Gold and Black this season.

MJ Klein said...

my 53 y/o ass rubs a nice cushy lawn chair, attached to a recumbent trike:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/thenhbushman/3602200919/in/set-72157609336914999/

and i don't have to worry about selling it anytime soon.

ringcycles said...

Fred: You only identified 2 of the 5 types of Freds. The third type is referrenced in the Wiki article, the Super Fred. The orginal Fred (Birchmore) was a Super Fred, i.e. will ride you off his wheel with his hairy legs while wearing a camelback and spd touring shoes. Svein Tuft was also a Super Fred. The fourth is the Proto-Fred, a 16 year old in a t-shirt & plain black shorts on a squeeky hand-me-down bike that will be riding you off his wheel in about a year. And lastly, the Uber-Fred, or the embrocating cafe' ferret as I think of them. He may be able to ride you off his wheel, but is much more interested in how great he feels in his Rapha jersey and vintage Vittorias. He'll beat you to the first cappucino every time. Freds come in more than 2 varieties

rightsaid kev said...

Given your average fixter's criteria for a front wheel - low spoke count, carbon construction, a history of failure (spinergy rev-x, anyone?) - I've already started investing heavily in the R-sys. Give them 10 years to appreciate and I should be able to convert this windfall into cold, hard cash.

Oh, wait! Except no one is going to be doing fixed gear tricks in ten years. And I had so many great t-shirt ideas for my "clothing company."

Luck E. Seven said...

Hill Bill-

You've definitely been hitting the Weds weeds too hard. It's Thursday.

I too am a firm believer that you have to trust what's between your legs.


A

Luck E. Seven said...

100 bitches!


A

tom said...

Lantern rouge!!!!!

Ronsonic said...

Ringcycles, I've met the hybrid uber / future Fred and he's a scary beast. Wearing basketball shorts, tube socks and walmart sneakers he rides some ancient Ross with foamy covered handlebars and stem shifters with his insteps on the pedals and he blew right by me.

Of course I was recovering from three sets of pyramid intervals when he dropped me like a thing being dropped real hard. But still.

(Yeah, I'm sticking to the intervals story)

Anonymous said...

Looks like Mavic is making BMX wheels now too:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OCVG5AJEas0

cyclotourist said...

BOBP LANT

ROCK STAR

hillbilly said...

damn if you aren't right Luck, thanks...wait, it's friday now, time for the friday fungus!!

Anonymous said...

I can't stand those cheerleader socks that always end up on half your foot after about two miles, so yeah I wear some regular old white socks. And I clip a mirror on my glasses so I can see the bastards coming without twisting my head around every twenty seconds. I compensate by wearing a Under Armour heat gear compression shirt a size too small instead of a regular jersey, though.

Anonymous said...

Oh, hey, somewhere along the line (after passing 50) I turned into a Super Fred. Go figure. Maybe it was a mistake buying my fixie from Grant Peterson.

Or maybe that time I (on my all Campy Teledyne Titan) got blown off in a crit by a guy on a steel Fuji touring bike, with rear rack, wearing tube socks and . . . sneakers, taught me something.

If, however, you ever catch me wearing a Rapha Jersey, please, dear God, just shoot me.

I won't be wearing vintage Vittorias though, because, ya know, I wore mine out, on the bike. Those new Vans look sweet though.

Brad Wedemeyer said...

wow. a samuel gompers reference. mrs. gertrude gleaves neuscheler gompers would be so proud.

muchogusto said...

Gold Clap can be easily cured with anitbiotics

Anonymous said...

http://nytimes.com/packages/html/nyregion/1-in-8-million/index.html?hp&hp#steven_marmo

real street cred

Fred said...

Right...

Kim Jong-il said...

PUSSIES

That's right,I said it.

PUSSIES

I bet you all wear helmets and feel safe from those little lips on your fork dropout, and rub pie plates and reflectors.

R-SYS is for real riders, who know and love the danger of cycling, helmet? bah, my helmet is a leather hair net with nails pointing inward, so if I'm stupid enough to crash, I feel it.

Lawyer lips? They've been circumcised. Pie plate? heavy metal yarmulke. Breaks? bah. That's what Andrea Peyser is for.

Just don't touch my Barbie bar-end streamers. They're pretty.

Kim Jong-il said...

POOSSIES

That's light,I say it.

POOSSIES

I bet you arr wear helmets and feel safe from those rittle rips on your fork dlopout, and lub pie prates and refrectols.

L-SYS is for real riders, who know and rove the danger of cycring, hermet? bah, my hermet is a reather hair net with nairs pointing inward, so if I'm stupid enough to clash, I feer it.

Rawyer rips? They've been cilcumcised. Pie prate? heavy metal yalmurke. Bleaks? bah. That's what Andrea Peyser is for.

Just don't touch my Barbie streamers. They're vely pretty.

I'm not dead yet!

Luck E. Seven said...

The Friday Fungus is among us!

Interesting belt, but the cog-as-buckle looks like a shirt shredder to me.

The judge said five to ten, but I say double that again.
I'm not working for the clampdown...


A

Wrench Monkey said...

Swear to God this is just in from Mavic via Velo News: The R-Sys may have failed because Delaney got a flat! And I thought getting a flat w/ a tubular was costly.
Btw, "clampers" was last week; this week it's "binders."

mikeweb said...

Luck E,

The cog buckle looks like it could shred more than your shirt if you ever found the need to squat down, or say, slipped in your own urine and fell onto the ground (while palping Vittoria dress-cycling shoes?)

Luck E. Seven said...

Mmm, yes Mikeweb. That's an instrument of sepaku if I ever saw one. Of course, that might be the desired effect after the urine faceplant.


A

jolene said...

i just want to say that yalls a bunch of woosies if you dont like that bilt buckel

i wares one if i wore shit that aint spannex or strechis now wood i

hillbilly said...

ahh, the Urine Faceplant, they just don't make bands like that anymore....those were the days.

kale said...

Is the Urine Faceplant a new FGFS move?

jimmythefly said...

My stallion's sweet set up with Mavic halos over Wheelsmith piano strings to a matching 2-pack of Industry Nine nuggets. All being hugged tight with Vittoria meats.

She's chopped and channeled and I'm also rubbing tektro capos with Koolstop fishy-color speed erasers.

The silverware is mostly Campy, though I've got FSA hickory sticks with ceramic berries down in the keg.

The wedding band is a King, natch.

Also, I've got the apps all dialed with a Brooks barca, Cinelli skins, and of course Look footy holsters.

Bring me your finest meats and cheeses.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Jimmythefly,

Bravo!!!

--BSNYC

Anonymous said...

Clampers = E Clampus Vidus

Ryan said...

speaking of the gtb being cheap ::cough:: check out this extra long ebay url: http://cgi.ebay.com/60cm-GT-GTB-Track-Frame-No-Dents_W0QQitemZ200352392255QQcmdZViewItemQQptZLH_DefaultDomain_0?hash=item2ea5eee43f&_trksid=p3286.c0.m14&_trkparms=65%3A1%7C66%3A2%7C39%3A1%7C240%3A1318%7C301%3A0%7C293%3A1%7C294%3A50

Strida Folding Bicycle said...

very nice!

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Anonymous said...

Definitely not Robert Plant
The curls and mouth doesn't look his AND take a closer look, it looks like a lady to me...
Unless it's a guy with moobs...

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