Friday, June 5, 2015

BSNYC Friday Fun Quiz!

I don't want to bum you out before the weekend, I really don't.  Then again, what you're about to read will probably inspire you to make a beeline to your local happy hour, and booze makes everything better.  So in a way I'm kickstarting the fun.

Okay, so this past Monday in Brooklyn a driver (or, as the press called her, "a car") steered her car onto the sidewalk and ran over a 4 year-old boy, who incredibly survived with only minor injuries:

Naturally everybody rejoiced that the child was all right, the driver was not charged, and the press and pretty much everyone else (except, I'm sure, the kid's mom) seemed happy to write it off as just another "oopsie."

But alas, drivers in this city lust for the blood of children, and this thirst was not slaked, so yesterday in the Bronx a hit-and-run driver (or, as the press called him, "a car"), backed INTO a restaurant and killed a 7 year-old child:

The driver was subsequently charged, but only because he took off afterwards:

But witnesses chased Oduro on foot and managed to flag down a pair of Traffic Enforcement Agents who were stopped at a red light nearby. The TEA cops pulled Oduro over and took him into custody; he was subsequently charged with multiple counts of Leaving the Scene of an Accident.

Had he simply stayed put and explained that he'd confused the gas pedal and the brake they'd have let him drive home, guaranteed.

In any case, it seems fairly clear to me we've got a bit of a problem in this town.  Furthermore, this is not an unusual week, and indeed motor vehicle "accidents" are the leading cause of non-illness-related childhood death in New York City:

This is why our mayor, Bill de Blasio, campaigned on the whole "Vision Zero" concept.  It's also why he has boldly declared the following:

"We have an epidemic and must do all we can to make our streets more forgiving"

Oh, wait, sorry, that was the mother of a child who was killed in the crosswalk by a taxi driver.  I haven't heard a peep out of Bill "Vision Zero" de Blasio about the recent spate of drivers leaving the road in search of victims--though he did get to meet the "Queen of Funk" this week:
Look, I have nothing against Ch-ch-chaka...Chaka...Chaka Khan, but at least pretend "Vision Zero" was something more than a catchy campaign slogan.  Say something controversial, like, I dunno, "Kids shouldn't be getting run over on the sidewalk or in restaurants."  Because things are not going very well:

And that's to say nothing of the shitty press, who are too busy chasing the Killer Fred to treat this like the bloodbath it really is.

So what are parents to do?  Well, since nobody seems to give a shit, all we can really do is try to teach our kids just how dangerous drivers are.  I mean sure, it's not going to help when some scumbag drives an SUV into a McDonald's while they're tucking into a Happy Meal, but at least maybe knowing their enemy will give them a fighting chance in a crosswalk or when they're old enough to head out solo on their bikes.

At the very least, as a "culture," we need to start learning how to understand real danger instead of filling kids up with paranoid bullshit.  For example, my kid has a Winnie the Pooh book, and in it there's some scary fear-mongering story about how you're not supposed to talk to strangers.  Really?!?  This is New York City!  The whole point of living here is that you're surrounded by strangers, many of whom you can actually learn something from if you engage with them responsibly.  Meanwhile, here's the reality of child abductions:

115 "stereotypical" kidnappings?  Nationally?  Not like that's okay, but it sounds like strangers are the least of our problems, and you've got the most to fear from your own family.

That's why I say fuck this "stranger danger" bullshit.  I'm teaching my kids the number one thing they should be afraid of is drivers.  DRIVERS!!!  They're the ones who are out to get you.  And it would be nice if Disney and these other child mindfucking companies would follow suit.  I mean, where's the Winnie the Poo story about the hit-and-run driver plowing through Christopher Robin's treehouse and taking out that pathetic sad-sack Eeyore?

(It was bound to happen.)

Come on, the ending writes itself:

("We were just looking for Hundred Acre Woods Outlet Mall and confused the gas and the brake.")

Plus, by teaching your kids that drivers are out to get them, you're automatically protecting them from abductors as well, because if someone's going to abduct your kid I guarantee they're going to use a motor vehicle to do it:

That's why you've heard of a "rape van," but you've never heard of a "rape bakfiets:"


Either way, while I'm guessing there have been no formal studies, I suspect your child is probably more likely to get run over by a pedophile than molested by one.

If anything, teaching your kids how to interact with strangers might actually save them one day.  This is why I figure if I teach my kids that the biggest threats to their well-being are 1) Drivers and 2) Religion then I've got most of my bases covered:

From a religious standpoint, said Lawrence Schiffman, a professor of Judaic studies at New York University, the Talmud does not specifically forbid a rabbi from appearing naked before his disciples.

Oh, okay, good to know everything was kosher when he was HOT-TUBBING NAKED WITH KIDS.

And now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz.  As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer.  If you're right that's nice, and if you're wrong you'll see dogs on bikes.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and be sure to talk to a stranger this weekend.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

1) After killing a cyclist, a Michigan woman was banned from using her cellphone for two years.


(An insouciant Kerry uses his cellphone with abandon.)

2) Recovering drug addict Rush Limbaugh criticized John Kerry for:

--Riding a bicycle at 71
--Riding a bicycle during "sensitive negotiations"
--Wearing "one of those weird-looking, pointed, bicycle-delivery guy helmets"
--All of the above

(Head-Mounted Smart-Ass)

3) The next generation of smart helme(n)ts proves that human evolution is the ongoing process of burying our heads ever further in our own asses.


4) What's with the holes?

--The tires are airless tires so parents don't have to inflate them
--The tires whistle when the bicycle reaches a certain speed
--They're wear indicators
--They're "speed holes"

5) Of course Alberto Salazar was working with Lance Armstrong.


6) What is he holding?

--A fat bike-specific bike pump
--A mountain bike-specific vaporizer
--A singlespeed-specific potato gun
--All of the above

7) What does Greg LeMond think the UCI should use?

--Heat guns
--Laser beams
--Drug-sniffing dogs
--"Something about this high"

***Special Freak Bike-Themed Bonus Video!***


Fred from Milan said...

WHAT dire Offence from am'rous Causes springs,
What mighty Contests rise from trivial Things,
I sing -- This Verse to C---, Muse! is due;
This, ev'n Belinda may vouchfafe to view:
Slight is the Subject, but not so the Praise,
If She inspire, and He approve my Lays.
 Say what strange Motive, Goddess! cou'd compel
A well-bred Lord t'assault a gentle Belle?
Oh say what stranger Cause, yet unexplor'd,
Cou'd make a gentle Belle reject a Lord?
And dwells such Rage in softest Bosoms then?
And lodge such daring Souls in Little Men?

Ted K. said...

22. If our society had no social problems at all, the leftists would have to INVENT problems in order to provide themselves with an excuse for making a fuss.

JB said...


Anonymous said...

Podium fish stick in Scotland

Spokey said...

top fiver

Anonymous said...



dickey said...

Blahsay blah didn't read shit.

Anonymous said...

Where's Ted today?

GreySpoke said...

Really disappointed it wasn't a single-speed specific potato gun

Craig Richards said...

Vision 0 (responsibility for your actions)

babble on said...

You tell em, Snobi Wan. It's true. Motorists are the single deadliest segment of humanity. And on that note, I'm heading out to be a good example to my kids, talking to as many strangers as I can for the next eight hours or so, trying to convince them to ditch their fucking cars for a bike. Or at the very least to give cyclng a shot. Wish me luck!! xo

Anonymous said...


BamaPhred said...

I couldn't be more depressed and paranoid if I had been beaten by leprechauns with selfie sticks. A cyclist here was killed by the usual, a pickup truck that fled the scene. The usual. When did the usual bullshit become normal? You are correct in observing if the driver would have just stayed at the scene, there would have been no charges. That damn McDonalds just jumped off the curb and into my car. Uugghh. Have a sane weekend everyone. I gave up on the video at angular velocity and torque. I don't want to work, I want to bang on the drum all day, as an earlier poster posted. Thanks.

Spokey said...

just wanted to thank the commentariat who quieted down last night when i asked for a little peace while i studied for the quiz today.

thanks again. got an A++ / 100%

Craig Richards said...

Vision 0 (responsibility for your actions)

Anonymous said...

Riding in Michigan is enormously dangerous, probably the worst state I have ever ridden in. Shocked they did anything, let alone banned someone from cellphone use.

dop said...

A 25 minute video is a bonus? More like a BONE-NESS

if we must wax poetical:

Your thighs are apple trees whose blossoms touch the sky...

balls™ said...

I honestly hope I am riding more at 71 than I am now.

JLRB said...

Well that Rabbi should take notes from the one here who got 6 years for filming naked women he convinced to take ritual baths

The problem with religion is the problem with power

Absolute power corrupts absolutely

JLRB said...

Babs - You have survived wicked crashes - but why the suicide mission today? T'was nice knowing you.

PotbellyJoe said...

As someone who rides in NYC, NJ and MI (I'm from there originally) with regularity, (well 4-8 times a year in MI) I will gladly take NJ. There's a reason the Freds cross the GWB to ride in this cycling Mecca.

If I'm out at 6 AM on my bike, I can go upwards of 8 miles without dealing with a car in a county that has over 1000 people per sq. mile. Too many drinkers sleeping in I guess.

In NYC they look for cyclists because they want a fight, in NJ they look for cyclists because they know they're around, in MI they don't know what a cyclist is, but they'll kill one given the opportunity.

As for the kid in the McDonald's, if there had been the proper bollards in front of the restaurant, that car wouldn't have had the opportunity to attack, as we know cars are prone to doing. I assume the lawsuit against the McDonald's will point this out.

There are days I hate people and then there are days when i really hate people.

PotbellyJoe said...

Today is one of those days.

Anonymous said...

Speaking reckless driving and the ensuing "car" weaseling, remember the wonderful ex-Bishop Heather Cook? Arrested, $2.5M bail out, "treatment" at some religious spa for a few weeks, court hearing, NOT GUILTY plea on all 12 counts, now is waffling whether she wants to go through the court process and may be looking to plea to lesser charges. So let's postpone the case until Sept so she can have a wonderful fucking summer on the eastern fucking shore, drinking whiskey, smoking weed, and snarfing down smores, while Mrs. Palermo gets to spend the summer explaining to her two kids why Daddy won't be able to go on a bike ride with them ever again. What a fucking cunt.

meltyman said...

PotbellyJoe 1:05 PM is absolutely right: "As someone who rides in NYC, NJ and MI (I'm from there originally) with regularity, (well 4-8 times a year in MI) I will gladly take NJ.". Yesiree. Everyone move to XdirtyX sunny Jersey and enjoy your rides. It's almost worth the property taxes (Christie, we're looking at you).

Anonymous said...

Oops I anonymously forgot the fucking link

Anonymous said...

And here church replaced her with another drunk woman, although this one claims she is on the wagon.

trama said...

I wonder how long it would take for woodpeckers to make a granary-bike by stuffing acorns in all those holes in the tires on that overwrought kids bike with the problems all solved on it.

bieks said...

"We have an epidemic and must do all we can to make our streets more forgiving"

Seems like you've got forgiving drivers down pat.

Jed said...

Snob, you slake me.
'nuff said.

Anonymous said...

1:14 - If I were the judge I would order the defendant to explain said fact to the kids directly! With an officer on hand to slap her at the first hint of prevarication or self-justification.

Spokey said...

my street is not forgiving at all. my street broke spousy's ankle a couple years ago on the way back from post office. but in my enlightened old age, i took the initiative and forgave my street.

others have reported that my street has become more forgiving but i'm not so sure.

JLRB said...

Ted K @12:04 - the lack of social problems is impossible for any society

Lurky Figners said...

All this time I thought people hated Ted K because he was sending mail bombs, but it turns out it was only because he was annoying!

Lot of personification going on... streets that forgive stuff, cars & bikes that make decisions. It's like we live in a magical fantasyland full of mythical and magical creatures, and all our actions are divorced from their real-world consequences. a.k.a. America

Lurky Figners said...

As for crashing into the chicken joint, at least it wasn't a Dunkin Donuts. They needed a break.

Flyover BC said...

The streets would be more forgiving if they weren't so mean.

Seems to me that City Hall needs to come with a solution to the problem. Then, the urban canyons will safer, the mean streets more forgiving, and the cars less likely to kill. Now, if only they could keep those dangerous out-of-state guns from shooting people in the city.

Or, you can just move the burbs where the kids can play in the yard rather than on the sidewalk.

P.S. Last fall, my bike crashed and I got hurt.

Anonymous said...

Hmmm, more UCI doping cover up?

leroy said...

To the Proprietor of this Blog

Dear sir or madam --

My dog advises that not one of the canines depicted in your irresponsible wrong answer cycling compilation was wearing a helment, halmat, hamlet, hellmutt, hazmat, or any other variation of protective headgear the kids today are talking about.

That has understandably caused him great emotional distress.

He is, however, willing to settle his claim amicably.

Please leave two dozen bags of Cheetos and a case of Chassagne-Montrachet (any vintage other than 2003 please)on the New Jersey side of GWB bike path this weekend.

Yours etc.

P.S. -- he implores all and sundry to ride safe this weekend.

Anonymous said...

Great post today.

Pedestrians are anyone on foot, walking, running, jogging, hiking,
sitting, or lying down, who are involved in motor vehicle traffic
crashes. In 2013:
Of the 4,735 pedestrian traffic fatalities, 236 (5%) were children."

Stranger danger, indeed.

Not to mention, if terrorists killed 4700 people in a year, this country would be under martial law... okay, maybe worse martial law.

Flyover BC said...

Dear Leroy and Dog,

I've been wanting to say that I'm somewhat disappointed that Leroy's dog appears to be a well coiffed poodle, or related breed, rather than some sort of street-savvy, working-class mutt.

I guess that explains the request for a case of Chassagne-Montrachet, which I assume to be a wine appellation and not a venereal disease first diagnosed in France, or perhaps spread to NJ by french sailors.

Some cognizant dissonance remains, however. Because, as far as I know, cheetos don't come in Camembert or Brie varieties, as might befit the taste of such a de luxe chien.

Confucius Say said...

BABBLE @ some time of day: "...talking to as many strangers as I can for the next eight hours or so, trying to convince them to ditch their fucking cars for a bike."

The guy in the mega giant pickup truck, the one with the giant oversized tires and the two Confederate Flag rear bumper stickers, good luck with that. And when he invites you over to see his semi tractor trailer mudflap collection, probably a good idea to decline.

Good Doggie said...

Flyover 2:55 I walked by a stoop where a big dog was laying motionless on his side. As I walked by the only thing that moved was his eyes. I'm suspecting I must have walked by Leroy's dog.

Flyover BC said...

Ted K.

it's important to always remember.

"The chief cause of most problems is solutions" *Eric Sevareid

Dan Quail said...


Ted K. said...

"All this time I thought people hated Ted K because he was sending mail bombs, but it turns out it was only because he was annoying!"

Did you notice someone apparently thinks Alexander Pope is less annoying?

Unknown said...

A week ago , here in Buffalo, or near here anyway, a "car" left a curve in a sixty mile an hour roadway gashed thru the middle of an Olmstead designed park in the name of being able to get thru the bloody thing instead of having to be in it, and hit the stroller occupied by a three year old boy and killed him. There is a guardrail between the opposite sixty mile an hour roadways to protect the opposite hurtling "cars", but no guardrails to protect opposite strolling "strollers" in the park. The "strollers" were "protected" by a twenty foot wide strip of grass until the three year old was sacrificed to the "car", thereby earning a strip of jersey barriers and a thirty mile an hour speed limit for the two mile gash.
It is unknown if the "car"/"stroller" collision will be incorporated in the latest DOT study in the series of studies that along with the twenty feet strip of grass had been the official DOT protection for three year olds in the park.
The pastor for the man in the "car", given credibility because of his pastorship, explained that the man who was in the "car" is narcoleptic and epileptic, and has been under a lot of stress because of having to work 12-14 hour shifts. He is very sorry for the "accident".
We are awaiting the results of the police investigation of the "accident", as no charges have been filed.

tc said...

In my neighborhood recently (97th riverside/west end). In this case the driver failed to yield the right of way and killed this 9 year old boy, basically he wasn't paying attention (oops my bad, sorry for ending your life 80 years early). However, justice was swift and severe, the driver was fined $580. Although I have to admit that the city installed several traffic safety measures as the result of this accident and two other car on pedestrian fatalities that occurred within 3 weeks in a 2-3 block radius. Too little too late for Cooper Stock and the other victims though. We've been pushing the city to put up stop signs on a particularly dangerous stretch of road in this neighborhood to slow down traffic coming off the west side highway for years and they still haven't done anything. I guess it will take a few deaths before they consider it.

NYC has tons of public transportation options and being relatively compact is an extremely walkable/bikeable city. As an individual there is almost no need whatsoever to drive or take a cab here. The City officials needs to recognize this and treat motorized vehicles versus pedestrians and cyclists accordingly, meaning extending at least equal rights to the latter. Until they do this, things will not change. Drivers will continue to kill innocent people without any material consequences and as a result they will continue with their dangerous and reckless behavior. "Newspapers" like the New York Post which seem to take an outdated position that cars and drivers are the macho life blood of the city and cyclists are entitled whining leftist weenies only exacerbate this. People, including children, are dying here on nearly a daily basis. How about exercising a little civic responsibility to try to stop this rather than make it worse?

grog said...

Everyone loves a ball-drop.

Spokey said...

tc @ 1527

actually nyc does recognize this and treat motorized vehicles versus pedestrians and cyclists accordingly, meaning extending at least equal rights to the latter.

if you find yourself walking down the s̶t̶r̶e̶e̶t̶, er sidewalk, later this fine day and find your foot has accidently veered off course, through a mcdonalds window, and killed an innocent automobile sitting there munching its double mcheart-attack, i'm pretty sure you can walk away with a mere $580 fine.

dop said...

Ball drop, yes. Ball splash, no. The water level in the toilets at work is too damn high & my balls get wet when I sit down on t6he crapper.

Pathetic Old Cyclist said...

Man with wet balls, sitting on toilet, killed by errant car crashing through bathroom wall. The victim was not wearing a helmet.

Fortunately, I am old and this will never happen to me. I will just get run down while crapping in my diaper in my bed.

JLRB said...


I am very disappointed the giant radioactive pussy that saves us from the killer cars did not make it into the quiz - it must have gone away because no cat calls allowed (or maybe the boner naked ride scared it away).

Claude Balls said...

I enjoyed "Dogs on Bikes". I tried to get my cat to ride on my shoulders, pirate style. The session was not pleasant.

JLRB said...

No doubt use of cars causes death. The numbers of fatalities in the US alone are staggering It appears that, if you compare motor vehicle deaths with all killed in the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq US motor vehicle deaths are greater over the long years of those wars. Maybe its an invalid comparison, but 40,000 killed per year in the US is scary. But China and India make that look like nothing, and a host of other countries have much higher roadway death rates per capita.

Waco Kid said...

Ok Ms Babble, perspiring minds want to know, how did it go? I imagine like this

dop said...

Thank you POC. I could see the dry flying into pieces.

Inquiring Minds said...

This article left me wanting to know more-

•Approximately 800,000 children younger than 18 were reported missing.

•More than 200,000 children were abducted by family members.

•More than 58,000 children were abducted by nonfamily members.
•An estimated 115 children were the victims of “stereotypical” kidnapping. These “stereotypical” kidnappings involved someone the child did not know or was an acquaintance. The child was held overnight, transported 50 miles or more, killed, ransomed or held with the intent to keep the child permanently.

What is a "nonfamily member"? an acquaintance or friend of the family?

Who is responsible for over 500,000 of the remaining children younger than 18 who were reported missing? Strangers in non-stereotypical kidnappings or did they just run away?

On a more positive note, I aced this week's quiz!

BamaPhred said...

JLRB is on to the crux of the matter. In 19(cough cough) I was able to get my full drivers license at 15, the legal drinking age was 18, every year there were damn near more motor vehicle deaths than in the entire Vietnam War, so the gov gutted the muscle car, raised the license age to 16, and the drinking age to 21, and required everyone to get insurance. In other words nothing.

Kill someone cause "the car" malfunctioned, no problem. Smoke some weed, grow a little in your backyard, be a bit defiant about it, off to the big house. And that's just one example.

So we have an insurance payoff to a Wall Street, huge government mandated "safety equipment" payoff to the auto industry, which is busy shooting shrapnel into our faces, and a complete abdication of responsibility of the actions of the driver.

This is driven by the tort industry and the deep pockets philosophy. If you criminalize the behavior, clients will be less interested in settling and juries will feel that justice has been served by sentence, rather than financial award. IMO.

Anonymous said...

vsk said ...

Accidents don't happen, they're caused.
(From grampa, subway motorman)

We should put in the newspaper comments the real non-spun versions of the incidents-

While with careful consideration, the operator of the 4,800 pound $53,000 8 cylinder equipped Mercedes Benz did knowingly place the gear selector in Reverse with the intention of moving the 4,800 pound vehicle in the desired direction of travel. The operator then applied sufficient foot pressure on the accelerator pedal to propel his vehicle, which was in fact under his control, with sufficient force to mount the curb and travel 15 feet into a commercial use building.
The actions of the operator directly causing the death of a child.

I am on the lucky 13th floor of my building. I glance out the window to see if there are any vehicles coming my way. I want to make it to the next Fondon't!


ken e. said...

Question number six for all time best quiz answers, and the 13th floor, like Roky!

wishiwasmerckx said...

JLRB, 40,000 MVA deaths per year is high. The actual number has been holding steady at about 32,000 per year for a while now, give or take a thousand or two.

JLRB said...

WishI- I agree - I was just eyeballing the numbers over the past 14 years we've been in Afghanistan and Iraq and coming up with a rough average of 40,000 - still too high given "only" low 30's the last 4 years, but not off by too much.

Time to go hide in the greasepaint and plastic cigar lanes , avoiding the killer cars (and that big Monty Python foot)

be safe

wishiwasmerckx said...

The Nevada legislature just passed SB188, which changes the word "accident" to "crash" in the Nevada Revised Statutes!

Words matter!

David Pearce said...

Definitely NOT Alexander Pope, although I do love poem "To his Coy Mistress"!

"You've made my life so glam'rous/
You can't blame me for feeling Am'rous!"

Rabbis, (and I'm Jewish yet!)

Honestly, what is it with these pious men in power? Here in Georgetown, Washington, D.C., we've got our own scandal du jour, a "respected & renowned" Orthodox rabbi, now having pled guilty to secretly recording 55 women performing some ritual bath, a "mikvah" to make sure she was "clean" before God, after having her period. For god's sake!

Oh, the rabbi was SO PROUD that his Orthodox congregation had one of the few mikvah baths in all of D.C. [And as an aside, his congregation is right in the middle of congested Georgetown, but doesn't need any dedicated parking space, because the congregants all walk to the services on the Sabbath. Now that I think about it, that's one in the positive column.]

And now the rabbi has pleaded guilty, only due to the "statue" of limitations to only surreptitiously recording 55 women in the ritual bath, when the actual number is more like 155. Apparently one can buy things, like clock-radios, or Kleenex boxes, or flower pots, that already have hidden camera's installed in them!!. What the hell, people.

WCRM, thanks for another week, another job, done.

Holy Roller said...

Sometimes I sit and wonder... What type of car would Jesus drive? Would he have to languish in traffic like all the other sinners, or would He and his vehicle be carried on the wings of angels to His next Ted Talk? Would He have to crouch over to pump gas into His car at the self serve, or would the Holy Spirit keep his tank topped up like some sort of on call Tony The Tiger? Then again, sometimes I just sit...

David Pearce said...


"Alps on Alps arise!"

It's not "S'wonderful", despite what Ira Gershwin wrote!

"To His Coy Mistress" was written by Andrew Marvell! Read it! It's a great, sexy poem!

Dammit! But I love both Pope and Marvell, despite my never having been good with names, and getting them always confused.

And now L'Hermione is safely tied up in Yorktown, Va.!

Spokey said...

@Holy Roller

he doesn't have to pump his own gas. he lives in new jersey

The commentariat said...

David Peirce, considering that orthodox women do not shave above the knee, I do not want to see the video, K?

PotbellyJoe said...


It's why he's selling his place in the Willamette Valley. HB 3011 is no joke.

Anonymous said...

Traffic Death is a Grindcore band from Des Moines, Iowa.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Holy Roller -Jesus would ride a recumbent. What with the sandals and beard and all.

Spokey said...


yeah or is probably on the slippery slope. little peaches will like that.

as for jc, that was only a vacation home anyway. his permanent residence is here. and nj ain't goin anytime soon. sweeney aint't gonna let that happen. he's thinkin gov would look good by his name anywho so senate prez or gov, nj stays in the dark zone.

Spokey said...


nonsense. he rides a trike. much easier to reach around to the rear panniers for a scotch & soda without falling over after he's already made that move a couple times.

Not a New Yorker said...

What was your excuse for making a fuss?

Arizona hillbilly said...

Jeesus was a Palestinian Jew. He had nothing to do with North America, or Europe for that matter. All you goyim claiming Him as your own sound pretty darn wacky. ..

Anonymous said...

Lantern rouge...

leroy said...

Dear Mr. Flyover BC @ 2:55 -

My dog asked me to inform you that his Twitter profile clearly identifies him as a Brooklyn Schnorrer - a breed distinguished by its outsized street cred.

I noticed that he didn't offer to pay for that Chassagne-Montrachet -- another distinguishing trait for which his breed is known.

Hee Haw the Barista said...

Be looking for my upcoming kickstarter for dog specific bike helmets.

babble on said...

Yep. I could do with a case of Chassagme-Montrachet, too. Actually, after three glasses of TGIF wine, I have a headache... musta been all of the arguing I had to do today.

Sigh... So this one guy figures that narrow saddles are just a marketing ploy, that really, any saddle that isn't as wide as a person's ass is going to split the sitbones. FER FUCKSAKE. I tried to say that yes, Bea bike has a wide saddle cause you sit upright on it, but on a roadbike, you need a narrow saddle, only he wasn't having any of it.

But other than that sort of unnecessary frustration, I did enjoy a few moments of success. Every person on a bike who wasn't riding before is a victory, right?

dop said...

Jesus would definitely ride Italian steel. He considered a Trek Madone, but rejected it as remotely sounding like his mother. (It's bad enough he lived at home for 30 years, he wasn't going to put up with any 'riding your mother remarks)

AS for other big questions about Mr. J,(boxers vs briefs) I haven't a clue.

Pathetic Old Cyclist said...

Jesus would drive a Prius. It even sounds like Jesus. Here comes Jesus in his Prius. He would ride a mountainbike, a Yeti Arc hardtail. He isnt into making things easy on himself, so no dualies.

JLRB said...

RCT - John Stewart takes a swipe at "your kind" (@2:47)

I like Stewart's shtick but he does make some stupid statements about bicycles on a semi-regular basis - maybe when he leaves the show he will have time to get some exercise and not be so cranky about bikes

Anonymous said...

Legitimizing ted are we?

Dooth said...

The Jesus I know pronounces his name HeyZeus and rides an old Schwinn cruiser.

dop said...

Jesus in a prius? What would Daffy Duck say to that? Or Sylvester? (I don't think Donald Duck could say it)

stuttering or stammering said...

what about Elmer Fudd

BamaPhred said...

I think Elmer Fudd was busy hunting wascaly wabbits.
Apparently the spirit of Mr Magoo possesses the bodies of NYC drivers.
I'm surprised no one has invoked the Magoo defense.

meltyman said...

Just saw this:

“It’s kinda dangerous for a bicyclist to be riding in that area, being the sun rising and such, hard to see them,” Battalion Chief Capt. John Whitman told Hawaii News Now. “And there’s no shoulder for those bicyclists to be riding on. They basically have to ride on the road, which is a pretty dangerous area.”

The accident occurred about 6:25 a.m. Both Surnow and Buddemeyer’s police vehicle were traveling in the same direction, police in Hawaii said. The officer, 30-year-old Jody Buddemeyer, was arrested on suspicion of negligent homicide and was later released pending further investigation, according to the statement

It's "the sun was in my eyes" excuse. Heaven forbid people make sure they can actually see where they're driving when they're driving. Especially highly-trained police drivers. There's no shoulder, so riding in the road -- so what? Isn't it the driver's responsibility to look where they're going? Sheesh!

BamaPhred said...

Oh, and Dooth
I think HeyZues painted my house.
Who knew? It's like he's everywhere!

BamaPhred said...

Meltyman, I wonder how far "the sun was in my eyes" defense would go if the cyclist ran over the two costumed enforcers of statist policy?
Or If I ran into their cruiser with my car?
Sheesh is right.

Anonymous said...

Way to turn the whole thing around on that Kerry thing. Brilliant work shifting the focus from Kerry to Rush just like that. Any other time you would totally skewer Kerry for wearing a dorky helmet, but you cleverly flipped it to make Limbaugh look like the evil one.

Right on for all the other stuff in there however...especially the vision Zero bullshit.

Humans as we know don't do the best job at risk assessment.

NationalStatistAgent said...

let's see now

another entry in my huge BamaPhred filing cabinet, anti-statist folder

Anonymous said...

Podium whores and captchas, duh.

CycloXdresser said...

I've got a little bit of a spanking thing going on, so I always turn the other cheek, just like Jesus says to do. Now as to what the Messiah would drive, well He'd probably just borrow the Popemobile.

babble on said...

anon@ 6:40 -Are you an occasional reader, or is it just a case of wishful thinking? Snobi Wan never, ever skewers people for wearing a helmet. He wears a dork lid himself when he's riding his go-fast bike, remember? He skewers people for promoting mandatory helmet laws, because those laws simply reduce the number of people who feel safe enough to ride. As a man concerned with safe streets and cycling advocacy, he is far more likely to go after the fat man laying into the fit cyclist than he is to go after the hapless Fred who crashed his bike and broke his leg.

Spokey said...


Snobbie skewers people (or things or ideas) because that is his gestalt.

babble on said...

Um, and Jesus wouldn't drive a car. He'd borrow the Pope's gold Colnago instead. And if I'm in office by then, I'll totally give it to him, and then I'd draft him. Surely even a Crash Test Dummy like me would ride safely on that particular wheel.

babble on said...

Spokey -Ok, I'll give you that. But I'd be interested in seeing an example of his skewering someone for wearing a helmet.

Pathetic Old Cyclist said...

The only time Snobby has openly criticised someone for wearing a helmet in recent memory, was a rider wearing a Giro Air Attack, on a Brompton. Also in a recent Kickstart, criticising the rider wearing the helmet improperly, tilted back on her head. His criticism of "Helmet Culture" is more focused on mandatory helmet legislation and ridiculous inquiries such as "was Kerry wearing a helmet when he broke his hip" or "was the victim wearing a helmet when the cement truck T boned him and knocked him to oblivion?"

dop said...

Somewhere at the corner of Broadway & 9th avenue:

wcrm in helment

dop said...

oh, and century

dop said...

original image before cropping

riders in the fondant, feel free to identify yourselves..

DB said...

Thanks, dop.
Looks like it was a good time.

Spokey said...


congrats on the win. much more praiseworthy than Wiggins Cheap Stunt.

kind of glad i didn't go now. all those young whipper-snappers. no old geezers. i wooda been dropped faster than a hot tater in the first block. i cooda lived with it, but my comotion probably wooda disowned me.

McFly said...

Been on an island with no human contact for 4 days. Got home to find a care package in the mail from Ted K. Pretty excited.

Gonna get the whole family in the living room before we open it.

Spokey said...


check with leroy's dog first. oh, and leave your credit card.

Klaus said...

I've seen Jews wear little helmets on thier heads as they go about thier daily business.

Anonymous said...

"Somewhere at the corner of Broadway & 9th avenue: wcrm in helment"

"original image before cropping, riders in the fondant, feel free to identify yourselves.."

I see the 3 speed rider everyone was talking about. But the guy in the denim blue ball cap and red tee shirt in the back ground, between WCRM and the other black-kit rider. Did he complete the ride?

Anonymous said...

Also, were there not any female riders on the Fondon't ride?

babble on said...

Aw maaan! Looks like a nice group. I'da been there in a flash, if only the start wasn't such a long ride from here.

dop said...

Please don't say flash....think of my blood pressure

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dop said...

It's nice when one's post receives the respect it deserves

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Anonymous said...

Hey dop!

I thought that was my picture but then I saw myself in it near Mr. Snob. My randanooah in the foreground behind dynamo 3 speed guy.

Ms. Babble,
You now have a nice alboom of the day's adventures. Feel free to throw it around like confetti. My pc + connection sux so bad. I haven't bothered with a flicker ot imgur or vimeo or whatever account.

You HAVE to ride in the next one!


babble on said...

Lol! I love this place.

VSK - Indeed! Now all I have to do is grow some wings, which would be a lot easier to do if I had a halo, but you already know I am much too horny for that. And thank you for the pics! I love all of the well curated bikes, complete with Brooks saddles. I recognise our dop in his grey (used to be blue) jersey, but I want to put names to the rest of those faces. And butts. Heyyyy! Speaking of faces and butts. Snobbydoobydoo has natty tats and a Domestique ass! Cute!!

dop said...

Um...I'm behind the camera...

this is me

sidney carton-esque

Anonymous said...

vsk said ...

Hahahaha... now Ms. Babble, you have all the blackmail pix!

You peddle that ass whilst pedaling that ass and you'll be in NYC in no time!

Great folks, great time.


babble on said...

Link sez I don't have permission to view that one, Mr dop, and I would really like to see it, please and thank you. And yes, you're behind the camera in the photo you posted here, but you're in front of it in plenty of the pics in the album Mr VSK shared with me on the Facingbooking site. (Please feel free to friend me - I have an open door policy on my personal account, because it's too cumbersome to maintain a raft of social media accounts - even with Hootesuite. And besides. You've gotta love how much you get to know about people via social media.)

Ted K said...

47. The Problem Of Society Or Whatnot

Thus we find that when we must takens-we the look at the Lefty, his leftish leftism is more a ruse designed to conceal his infererorrieerity complex. He probably lives in a shitty shack sending mail bombs, or would, if he were smart like we are. But we know differently oh yes don't we, oh yes we do. Let us further pursue our carefulll inquiry by first strictly circumscribing a few made-up straw-men that we shall then use. Now mind you, perish the thought, we don't mean to say that the leftoid cannot be in some other way besides that which we have heretofore upon-enquired, but rather, that the complexities of said (actually unsaid) inquiry are for all practical purposes, practically impractical, or nearly so, for purposes of practicality, for our discussion.

Ted K said...

48. First I Didn't Get A Wife

My profound distaste for "industrial society" which includes "giving a shit in the first place" and also the illusion of "making a difference" and/or "redeeming humanity" if you will, started with a bad case of Small Details Exaggeration Syndrome, brought about ultimately by my own characteristic Baby Boomer narcissism and megalomania. By this we intend to mean that a world already created and fully formed when I was born, somehow upon said birth suddenly needed my intervention to get back on the "right" course. We can instantly see this as folly, and that a true nihilist or even a benign anarchist would have more pressing things to do, such as make a ton of money or even have sex once or twice in his life.

MarkD said...

Helen said...

"For example, my kid has a Winnie the Pooh book, and in it there's some scary fear-mongering story about how you're not supposed to talk to strangers."

Well, Snob, I hate to say it, but you only have yourself to blame for this one (in your defence, it's been an epidemic for a decade or two.) I refer of course to buying your kids the smarmy, semi-literate, badly drawn Disney travesty instead of the original by A.A.Milne illustrated by Ernest Shepard, which is wry, snarky and much more suitable for the kids of someone who writes as well as you.
Of course, the "stranger danger" story is one of the extra-stupid Disney WTP stories which was never in the original and has been made up by some tragic hack deep in the bowels of the Disney corporation (or most likely outside the bowels, being outsourced cheaply.)
Throw all the Disney Winnie the Pooh shite in the "trash" or the "dumpster" as you Americans call it, and invest a few dollars in the real thing.
Of course, your partner may share the guilt here as well.
This has been a public service announcement. Obviously, my hatred for Disney-Winnie- The-Pooh is as dire as your hatred for pie plates.

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Anonymous said...

Your tree picture is so fake and gay