Wednesday, June 3, 2015

Sorry I'm late, I thought it was Wednesday. Oh, wait, it is Wednesday. Never mind.

So here's a good one: on Monday in Brooklyn a four year-old kid was playing on the sidewalk with his stuffed animal.  Then, one of those cars you're always hearing about--you know, the ones who attack people independently of the poor innocent driver who happens to be inside--leapt up onto the curb like a playful puppy and pounced right onto the child.

Oopsie!

Incredibly, the child survived with only minor injuries, but only because he would up between the wheels and under a tree:


(Aww, the car just wants to cuddle.)

Naturally, the driver remains coddled in a protective womb of anonymity.  The driver will also face no charges, because this is New York City, where it's perfectly fine to steer your car onto the sidewalk and on top of a child.  In fact, I'm willing to bet the driver drove home from the scene of the crime.  (Sorry, forgot running kids over on the sidewalk isn't a crime.)  And of course pretty much every news outlet said "the car" did it, which not only absolves the driver, but is also offensively Pythonesque:


Sadly, if you're looking for protection from out-of-control drivers in New York City, you're far more likely to receive it from a radioactive cat that from the NYPD.

Anyway, you can read more about it here:


I only hope they give this kid's mother the Nobel Prize, because you'd have to be one spiritually enlightened human being not to beat that driver to death.

(And if you did beat to death the driver who ran over your child you can be sure they'd charge you for it.)

Meanwhile, on Monday I predicted that idiots would say that Secretary of State John Kerry shouldn't be riding a bicycle, and commenter CommieCanuk informs me that the idiots have now spoken:


Ultra-conservative pundit Rush Limbaugh was the loudest voice in the crowd. He asked his audience: "Do you know how old John Kerry is?…He's 71 years old.  Now, would somebody tell me something?  What is a 71-year-old man, secretary of state, doing riding a bicycle—or, alternatively, windsurfing off Nantucket?”

Well, I can't speak for John Kerry, but it's worth noting that at 71 he's lean and fit enough to mix it up with Freds half his age:


(Are those Secret Service Freds?)

While at only 64 Rush Limbaugh looks like Jabba the Hut had a baby with Dennis Franz:


(Limbaugh makes mouth love to a gigantic imaginary spare rib.)

Now who do you think is enjoying a better quality of life--or at the very least better health and more consistent bowel movements?


(Limbaugh indicating the size of his large bowel obstruction.)

By the way, check out Kerry riding helmentless while talking on the phone:


This will no doubt get the idiots even more riled up, even though it's not even remotely as dangerous as washing down an OxyContin with some Scotch and then falling asleep while eating a rotisserie chicken, which is how Rush Limbaugh spends most afternoons.

One can only imagine the outrage if Kerry had participated in the World Naked Bike Ride--where, a reader informs me, one rider was recently disqualified for becoming "aroused:"


One witness said: ''Everyone was taking their clothes off to get ready for the ride. I heard gasps and I turned around - it was a horrible sight.

Okay, now it goes without saying that groping, catcalling, verbal harassment, unwanted sexual advances, and other forms of foisting yourself upon others are completely unacceptable, regardless of the occasion or who's wearing (or not wearing) what.  Whether it's the workplace or an orgy, you keep your hands and body parts to yourself unless advised otherwise.  This is why people are putting signs like this around New York City:



The guy on the right doing the "rodeo-wank" is behaving especially inappropriately to say the least.

However, all it says in the article is that the guy popped a boner, and reacting in horror to what is essentially a normal bodily function would seem to go against the ride's own stated purpose:

World Naked Bike Ride (WNBR) is being organized and supported by many different groups. The groups are only connected by their determination to all be naked on their bikes on WNBR Day, riding in celebration, jubilation to deliver a vision of a cleaner, safer, body-positive world to the masses

How is it "body-positive" to call a penis a "horrible sight," even if it happens to be engorged at that moment?  And who's to say what "enjoying the event a bit too much is?"

"It's fair to say he was overexcited and got aroused. It looked like he was enjoying the event a bit too much.

Again, I don't know the circumstances, and if there's more to the story (like he was also drooling, panting, and fondling himself) please disregard everything I'm saying.  However, the uncomfortable fact is that boners do happen, even when there's no discernible reason for them--and if you've ever seen photos of the World Naked Bike Ride you know that there's surprisingly little that's arousing about it, regardless of your sexual orientation or preference.

I mean sure, if you've got a fetish for crotchal chafing and saddle sores you'll feel like Caligula in a bathhouse, but otherwise the whole thing is about as erotic as the checkout line at Walmart.

All I'm saying is that maybe it was the wind.  Also, "tolerant" people can be surprisingly intolerant. (See: Portland.)  So what other semi-involuntary bodily functions will be deemed inappropriate and non-body-positive?  Sweating?  Flatulence?  Spontaneous lactation?

It's a slippery slope--especially when it's also covered in body paint.

Lastly, speaking of Portland, a resident spotted this recently:


Well done.

123 comments:

Ted K. said...

20. Notice the masochistic tendency of leftist tactics. Leftists protest by lying down in front of vehicles, they intentionally provoke police or racists to abuse them, etc. These tactics may often be effective, but many leftists use them not as a means to an end but because they PREFER masochistic tactics. Self-hatred is a leftist trait.

Anonymous said...

podio, yo

3G said...

PODI...fuck...shut up already Ted!

Freddy Murcks said...

Hey, you motherscratchers.

Anonymous said...

Je suis dans le premier dix.

Anonymous said...

Touchdown

dop said...

It's like that nightmare, when you're on the clothing optional beach & you have a boner.

P. Bateman said...

top tensel! its going to be a very merry xxxmas.

P. Bateman said...

Ted, i like the posts. keep it up please.

Anonymous said...

This will no doubt get the idiots even more riled up, even though it's not even remotely as dangerous as washing down an OxyContin with some Scotch and then falling asleep while eating a rotisserie chicken, which is how Rush Limbaugh spends most afternoons.

Pure Gold Snobby!

cycle

NotARobot said...

AT LEAST THE WHEEL IS SAFE!

GreySpoke said...

Save the wheel!

James said...

Why does Kerry ride? Because he still can. At 46 I am achey and stiff enough to only hope that I can still turn a pedal at 71 much less sit up without drooling on myself. Rush is a douche.

babble on said...

That's whatchacall starting the ride in pole position.




Anonymous said...

Anon Boner

ken e. said...

"uuggghhh, i gotta rash!"

James said...

reading back on my own comment... I sound like I should be at the naked bike ride instead.

Anonymous said...

A lot of people have dreams where they're naked in appropriate places and it's all like "Oh how embarrassing and mortifying etc." Not me... in my "naked in public" dreams I'm always proud, it's always totally exhilarating and awesome, and I always have boners. Please someone get me into some therapy so I can learn penis-shame!

trama said...

The thing is WCRM, even with no lock on the fork, I wouldn't touch a POS bike such as that.

FRED SLED

babble on said...

Lol!! Nice job locking up the spokes on that buttugly bikecycle. But who would want to steal it, anyway?

And of course he still rides! He likes the good things in life. You know, like a healthy sex drive. Dumbass drivers droop by the time they hit middle age, never mind their early seventies... It's the bike path to SEX, happiness and world peace.

P. Bateman said...

oh, i thought we were laughing at the portland bike because of its engorged head...tube, but now i see the lock.

its seriously unbelievable to me every time i read about a car mowing people down on a sidewalk in NYC and nothing happening. i just dont get how this just gets written off as a "whoopsie" and everyone goes about their day. just nuts.

Anonymous said...

Babble - I like the idea of the "bike path to SEX." It seems to be working for you. Your new profile picture is killing me. Bikes make life good, so long as you can avoid getting mowed down by some dumbass in their car.

Flyover BC said...

If the mother shot the driver with a gun, then they could blame the gun, or better yet, she could run the driver over with a car, and that'd be fine and dandy.

Philip said...

I love a bike I can steal with a spoke wrench.

Anonymous said...

Wait, they have cars in Portland? I've been seriously misled.

Grump said...

That oxycodone makes Limbaugh feel REAL good.

McFly said...

WAS THE STUFFED ANIMAL WEARING A MEAT HELMEAT?

JLRB said...

Glad the lad is OK - killer cars vid was awesome. Boner story is almost as strange as the fact that there are naked rides. Naked ass cracks and bike seats should not be joined together. The bible says so.

Rained so I leased a standing spot on the Metro.

WOOS RIDE

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

I give this blog two "Rodeo-wanks" up!

Anonymous said...

I'm surprise Ted K has access to the internet down in his suite at the Supermax

JLRB said...

Kerry on the phone Hamletless photo - OK by me,EXCEPT, why why why do the Hamlet dangle off the handlebars?

JB said...

JLRB, methinks Kerry is in a transition from riding to not riding, or vice-versa. Or are you suggesting the halmet should be stored elsewhere?

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

I loved the part in the video when the Atomic cat fell down that pipe then the gadget hand reached up and tweaked the nipple.

Anonymous said...

Babs,

I hope the Ketchup Queen doesn't find about Botox Jonny's sex drive.

Anonymous said...

JB, I've seen Freds and Fredericas wear a hamlet while coasting, then decide to take it off to go up the steeps. Gotta love the knees banging into the hamlet hanging off of the crabon handlebars while sprunting out of the saddle. Seems like a hassle just to get more airflow to your dome. Kerry has to keep that airflow to his dome, do you see that perfect coif?!

Anonymous said...

vsk said ...

Rush Limbo is Robba the Fords brother, except instead of a different hair style, it's just different drugs.

ForkLocker Bike Every Day will soon not be able to.

vsk

Anonymous said...

Wow, it took me waay too long to figure out what was wrong with that Portland picture.

dop said...

It looks like Kerry doffed his helmet so he could hear his cellphone better...cycling & phoning! Who does he think he is? WCRM on the willyb bridge?

P. Bateman said...

i hope no one here is trying to knock oxy. that is some good stuff.

Anonymous said...

I'm glad the person in Portland rides a bike (hey, not everyone can afford fancy stuff), and judging by the Kryptonite U-lock, they at least are making an effort to keep it (albeit not optimally executed).

It'd be really kind to have left a card with the "Sheldon" locking method rather than snapping a pic to heap derision on...

just sayin'....

Ted K. said...

” I'm surprise Ted K has access to the internet down in his suite at the Supermax”

Well, the Administration here has found internet access reduced the petty complaints they have to deal with:

here,

here,

here.

A Federal Judge ruled a while ago e-mail is the same a US Postal Service mail, and prisoners have always had a right send received mail since before the United States was founded (on good behavior of course.) Plus the Federal Bureau of Prisons has found it cheaper and safer to provide e-mail/internet access then paper, envelops and stamps for physical mail. Plus, the guards around here are always nervous handling mail to/from me, for some reason.

Not everyone on the outside is happy with my internet access.

McFly said...

Oxy and Natural lite is a lot like doing coke.

Inverted View of a Boner said...

'Everyone was taking their clothes off to get ready for the ride. I heard gasps and I turned around - it was a horrible sight.

A GF once told me that laying on our bed on her back with her head off of the bed produced a horrible sight too, she did it anyway, many times actually.

Anonymous said...

Who goes to a naked bike ride and is infantile enough to recoil from penises? Answer: Anyone infantile enough to attend a naked bike ride.

Fred Clydesdale said...

if you squint & turn your head just to one side, "WNBR" looks a lot like "weiner". weiner. heheh.

Fair and Balanced said...

I distinctly remember a photograph, from many years ago, of Rush sitting behind a gigantic steak, knife in one fist and a fork in the other, the slab of monstrosity must of weighed two plus pounds. Is Rush living and broadcasting from a prison cell? I remember years ago he used to broadcast that drug users be locked up and the key thrown away.

Anonymous said...

Re anonymous 1:53--that picture made me think of the Sheldon method gone dreadfully wrong too. Anyone else out there using it (i.e. locking rear rim inside rear triangle)? I find it makes it easier to get a smallish sized u-lock around a variety of thicknesses of post, with room to fit the (removed) front wheel in too, all in the same u-lock. But anyone know whether this has been refuted by developments in bike thievery?

David Pearce said...

Ted,

I regret I need to assign more minus points on your essays.

First, you can't miss days, like Tuesday, or we'll be here more than all year.

Second, when a paragraph has a footnote, like 19., you MUST include the note, otherwise the entire paragraph is invalid.

I've got my eye on you. You seen "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?", Ted? (You have the time after all, to slosh through all three hours of Edward Albee's under-edited booze & shout fest, with Elizabeth Taylor & Richard Burton.)

Well, consider yourself warned. You stand warned, Ted! I will not be made mock of!

JB said...

David Pearce: Like.

babble on said...

Clearly the near constant use of hamlets hasn't spared me from dain bramage. I found myself asking "Who is the Ketchup Queen? And who is Botox Jonny? And WTF is Natural Lite??!" Um, and after a little research, I have to say: Holy ukfay, batman, that Cassandra Cross makes Caitlin look tame. Just wondering where she puts it when she's wearing a bikini, is all... Yeah, well the bike lifestyle might be working for me, (Thank you anon at 1:14 BTW :) but whichever plastic surgeon that girl sees is a fucking genius. Wow.

It's amazing what you can find on the interwebs when you've got too much time on your hands. It ends at noon on the morrow, though, when I turn into a robot.

Call me Ivanka said...

Alabama #1 in per capita painkiller prescriptions. Is that like being a Strava leader in your age/gender/weight class?
Now you know.

Pathetic Old Cyclist said...

I can't get past the image of Denis Franz and Jabba the Hutt going at it. Your train definitely derailed with that one.

Ted K. said...

”First, you can't miss days, like Tuesday, or we'll be here more than all year.”
I got time.

”Second, when a paragraph has a footnote, like 19., you MUST include the note”
OK here’s the foot note:
1. (Paragraph 19) We are asserting that ALL, or even most, bullies and ruthless competitors suffer from feelings of inferiority.

CommieCanuck said...

Those kids playing on sidewalks should be wearing healments and be licensed, vaccinated, and ideally on the couch eating Doritos avoiding that toxic fresh air.

Hitting a kid on the sidewalk has no chances of conviction. They will just use the SouthPark He's heading right for us! technicality in defence. Stand yer ground.

CommieCanuck said...

I would have not gone Sipowitcz and Jabba...more like Rob Ford's real Dad.

BamaPhred said...

Oops is not an appropriate response for running over some one on the sidewalk. i don't see how this goes on and on. There must be some cold, soulless people in charge.

David Pearce said...

I don't understand HOW a driver can have an accident involving a pedestrian and a sidewalk AND damaging public property, and not be charged with a crime!

HOW CAN THAT BE??!!

And the reporting of the story is disgusting as well! The mother is reported as being so grateful that her child had been basically saved from being killed because he was protected by a tree. So grateful?! She should be fucking apoplectic that her child was run over and mad as hell at the driver and telling him/her off & saying he/she's damn lucky her child wasn't killed or badly hurt!!

There was an episode of M*A*S*H, in which Hawkeye gets psychologically sick & consults Sydney, the shrink, for a little talk therapy. Hawkeye describes the time he fell out of a dinghy into the water as child in Maine, and how thankful he was to his friend for helping pull him back into the boat. In a slip of the tongue, Hawkeye says his friend, "helped him OUT of the boat" He finally realizes what is causing his psychological problem: His "friend" PUSHED him out of the boat, and yet Hawkeye had to be GRATEFUL to his "friend" when he helped him back into the boat.

THIS is the humiliation this mother is supposed to swallow now, the be GRATEFUL to the driver who ran over her child that her child lived through it.

If a person dies accidentally, it isn't murder, but it may be manslaughter, and be charged as a crime. If a driver drives up on the sidewalk and runs over a person, it should be charged as a goddamn crime!

Anonymous said...

Yeah but if 95% of the population identifies with the person committing the crime, chances are, it will be redefined as "not a crime." Democracy's not so great when it fucks you.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Here's a nice chart showing state's bicycle-friendliness by rank.

Surprise surprise Alabama at the bottom. Isn't that where ol runiminthadiatch is from? Or is that Kentucky?

NHcycler said...

What I noticed first about the badly locked bike was the mis-spelled "Bikeveryday" message.

PotbellyJoe said...

If someone took a selfie in front of a car that hit a tree it would be considered disrespectful and they would likely lose their job. If you drive your car over a child and into a tree, you do not go directly to jail and you have to pay $500 to get your car fixed. End of story.

If a bike left the roadway, ran over a child and hit a tree that cyclist would be followed by a NY Post reporter and put on the cover with details about what school the cyclist's son goes to.

Rush Limbaugh only uses Oxy because he hasn't found anything better.

I'm not a fan of Kerry, but I'll take the cycling bureaucrat over the prolixious psychopath.

Anonymous said...

I feel like the naked bike ride at this point just makes cyclists look like weirdos. It's counter productive. If anyone needs a reminder of how vulnerable cyclists are to cars, then just have them read the road.cc news page to read about the latest victim.

BamaPhred said...

What is this concept "bicycle friendly" you speak of? I'm unfamiliar.
Yes IMMARUNIMENNEDEETCH is one of ours. He may be a nut, but he's our nut. If you are Dixie savvy, you understand.

Sean Lynch said...

Here in Chicago we had a CTA driver go through a red light with their bus onto the sidewalk, run over a pedestrian and injure several other people yesterday. This happened right outside the building I work in. My bike was unharmed (I was locked up on the other side of the building).

The driver is being ticketed for running a red light. Last year a CTA train conductor ran their El train up onto an escalator at the O'Hare airport. I am not sure what the charges were there. The NTSB is involved, but I'm suprised they didn't label it an act of terrorism.

You can't get away with the excuse "I mistook the gas for the break" in Chicago, but I think that "I was avoiding getting shot at, and dodging some bullets" works here instead of the gas pedal excuse.

Spokey said...

everywhere should be a NO CATCALL ZONE

Far as I'm concerned calling a cat is very risky. For starters, the cat might come back.

Hee Haw the Barista said...

WIND WOOD

bieks said...

People lock their bikes like that all the time, nothing notable - of course if Peter Sagan turns to a life of crime, bye-bye bike.

The amusement here is BIKE VERY DAY.

Right Wing Nut said...

I think that the child on the sidewalk was manifesting typical masochistic tendencies of leftist tactics by lying down in front of a vehicle. Sad... So young to be displaying classic signs of self hatred.

DB said...

Oops.
Nike may have to rename another building.
Salazar may have been involved with doping his runners.

Pathetic Old Cyclist said...

On Long Island,we have motor vehicle mayhem honed to perfection. Out there, we have seen a significant uptick in people who run off the road, across the sidewalk, lawn and into the house ( or often other buildings ). Out here, you can get runover without leaving the com fort of you own bed!

http://www.newsday.com/long-island/li-car-accidents-1.180#9

http://www.newsday.com/long-island/li-car-accidents-1.180#22

http://www.newsday.com/long-island/li-car-accidents-1.180#30

http://www.newsday.com/long-island/li-car-accidents-1.180#33

http://www.newsday.com/long-island/li-car-accidents-1.180#71

Priceless!

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

-BamaPhred some cycling outfit rated the states based on 5 criteria: Legislation and enforcement, Policies and Programs,Infrastructure & funding,Education and Encouragement and Evaluation and Planning. Actually that's 10 but who's counting?

Any way don't feel bad -Based on Ohio's population of @11.5 million versus Alabama's 5 million I probably run into way more diesel pickup smokestack outta the bed IMMARUNIMENNEDEETCH types than you do.

wishiwasmerckx said...

OH, NOES! The still-hot Kara Goucher is caught up in this Nike/Salazar kerfuffle. She is one of the whistleblowers.

She has singlehandedly caused more spontaneous erections than all the WNBR rides put together.

Wish they'd go after Nike with the same relentless enthusiasm that they went after Lance.

Bryan Bracy said...

I was just about to start my own blog to counter the unbelievable heinous attack on our saint like Secretary of State until I read Snob today. Bravo, obesity and addiction --funny stuff.

NYCHighwheeler said...

In my own defense, although I was asked to leave the ride due to my penis, it was not an erection, I just have a large penis.

Also, it was more of an invitation to other "activities" rather then rejecting me from the ride.

Just sayin is all.

Your friend
-Lance Manion

Bob Patterson said...

Tentative solution for WNBR - issue all male riders Viagra to "level the field".

Spokey said...

RCT

quit yer whining. at least you have a chance to survive the zombie apocalypse

poor bama is ranked 45th despite his pickups, guns, and even gators(?).

At least here in snobbie's hemorrhoids we can place our bets (assuming we have a casino that hasn't gone under today) on whether our brains are eaten by zombies or zombie cars. Yea NJ! Top of the chart for zombie non-survival.

leroy said...

My dog advises one seek immediate medical help if one experiences a naked bike ride lasting more than four hours.

Or a sudden loss of vision... no matter how welcome.

He's not a doctor, but he's seen one on TV.

lurking Roille Figners said...

If I get run over in my bed, was I wearing a healemenette?

Maybe, just Maybe said...

We had two days running of Sec. of State stuff. Maybe tomorrow we'll read that Rush died of a heart attack.

Spokey said...

Personally I'd rather not read that anyone died tomorrow. But then maybe it's me. Maybe it's time for me to work on juicing up that hate gene.

babble on said...

So Roille Figners had a linked profile. You know, like mine, so that if you click on the link it takes you to a profile landing page. I can't remember whether it was Google+ or Blogger.

I miss that guy.

And I'm sorry, but an erection is a GOOD thing. Anybody who argues otherwise is just mad. Stark. Raving. Mad.

the one true RF said...

Miss you too. It really is me. Who else spells it "healemenette?" Deleted that profile though, since this was the only thing I used it for, and (shockingly) my real name is not Roille Figners!

CycloXdresser said...

Now that stud muffin with the improperly secured bike might not be an Einstein with a U-Lock, but his fashion sense is just simply divine! Just look at his attention to detail with matching water bottle cage, pedals and rim/frame decal accents. No infractions with the fashion police in this situation.

Anonymous said...

Cool Babs, I'll get you started on juicing up the hate gene--Shut Up!

CycloXdresser said...

Oh Babs, as long as I keep getting dropped, I think I'll always feel like the Catchup Queen.

David G said...

From yesterday's Daily News:
A 59-year-old man crossing against the light was struck by a van and critically injured near Columbus Circle Monday night, police sources said.

The unidentified man was struck by the white commercial van as he crossed Broadway at W. 62nd St. around 7 p.m. The van was turning south onto Broadway, the sources said.

The man was rushed to St. Luke’s Hospital in cardiac arrest with head trauma and was listed in grave condition late Monday.

“The man was crossing and the van smashed into him,” said witness Carlos Garcia, 22, of Brooklyn. The van driver remained at the scene and was not immediately charged.


If the man was crossing Broadway against the light, then so was the van turning south onto Broadway! The driver knew the rudiments of getting away with vehicular homicide, though, and stayed at the scene. So no problem, except for the pedestrian at death's door.

babble on said...

Lol! Oh, my dear little anonytroll, you poor wee thing. Sucks to be you, doesn't it? But have hope. There's a witch doctor in the room who might be able to help with your two sizes too small heart... :)

Anonymous said...

Ted is right, and king of the top post.

McFly said...

Natural Light is the canned beer for people that like to drink A LOT of beer but do not want the craft/IPA pricing because they would rather spend the extra $$$ on weed and/or pills and ammo.

NHcycler said...

@Bob Patterson:

Don't you mean "raise the bar"?

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

When I was a kid I played D&D. I had a 20+ level illusionist/fighter that possessed some pretty wicked spells.

Anonymous said...

Can you still get beast ice? I need to find me a sorcer to help wife know possibility of eurovan week endeder

BrEAD!

BamaPhred said...

Ranked 45th? As long as we are in front of Mississippi.
Bud Light is the preferred beverage here, based on a survey of cans littering the road shoulders and ditches.
The commentariat is on a roll today.

vernal magina said...

See also: Seattle, for surprising (or not surprising, but rather abject) intolerance.

my god, what a shithole (Seattle)

Guy Y said...

What I found a lot more disturbing than a fat man criticising a 71 year old for riding a bike, was the idea that Bicycling thinks its appropriate for a mountain bike racer to give out advice on how to rap when its quite clear that she cannot rap.

I'll take a busted femur any day, over listening to that again.

P.S Congrats Ted for being back at number one! Don't listen to the haters.

Anonymous said...

Lantern Rouge...

wishiwasmerckx said...

Century is in sight!

wishiwasmerckx said...

99th...

wishiwasmerckx said...

...and 100th!

Anonymous said...

Why did you leave again? Was it strava? It was strava, wasn't it?

Anonymous said...

BOY-YOY-YOY-YOY-YOING!!!

McFly said...

If I got cited for a World Naked Bike Ride Chubby I would immediately start checking vag's for moisture level and call out said offenders.

You know....to prove I am not the only pervert.

Anonymous said...

Instead of "School bus strikes, kills teen on bike in Mansfield," it would be more accurate to say "Bus driver strikes, kills teen on bike." The bus didn't kill by itself. In the same way, we wouldn't say "Gun shoots, kills teen." We would say "Man shoots, kills teen." It's impossible for the bus, an object, to be at fault.

http://www.bostonglobe.com/metro/2015/06/03/school-bus-strikes-and-kills-year-old-boy-riding-bike-mansfield/e7WWSK8jSpsFL1aeLgWmPM/story.html#comments

RoadQueen said...

Natty Light? Piss water. I prefer Busch. :)

Shame the Manly Mast got kicked out of the ride - they should have put him in the front of the pack. I bet he would have had no problem penetrating any headwinds. What kind of prude shows up to a naked ride and gets offended when they see nakedness??? Erections are one of the best things in the whole wide world, didn't her mother teach her any better? Kids these days...

Anonymous said...

Ted on point, once again. Looking forward to the next installment.
Thanks Ted!

Anonymous said...

There is a sure fire way of squelching an erection.

SURE FIRE

dop said...

He should have painted a face on & said it was his son.

dop said...

scranus

dop said...

Lady BaBa?

Spokey said...

McFly

but you're OUR pervert

specially posting at the ungodly hour of 8:15. I notice that the other early posters prior to you are so ashamed they are keeping anonymous.

HawleyHawk said...

BIKEVERYDAY!!!

babble on said...

The one and only, truly RF - well that makes sense. Welcome home. :) xo

JLRB said...

ANON @ 1:53 - So, was your spoke locked bike there when you returned?

JLRB said...

MCCART - Does the spell caster work on naked ride boners?

JLRB said...

VERYBIKEDAY

JLRB said...

I failed three identify the food tests

JLRB said...

I don't wanna work

BamaPhred said...

Boner jokes just never get old.

McFly said...

7:15 my time. I go in under the cover of darkness AND GET OFF EARLY.

Before other people.

Jonh smith said...

You can defeat it by cutting the wheel, babs i believe posted a quick video but im too lazy to link that.

Jonh smith said...

You can defeat it by cutting the wheel, babs i believe posted a quick video but im too lazy to link that.

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