Wednesday, November 6, 2013

This Wednesday Has Been Drilled Out For Weight Savings, Ride At Your Own Risk.

Holy crap, the Philadelphia Bike Expo this weekend is going to be INCREDIBLE!!!


Firstly, check this out:


I fully intend to put the "semin" in "seminar.

Secondly, while I'm inseminaring everybody, I'm also going to be giving away an unprecedented amount of stuff.  (In fact, instead of a seminar I might just do a great big pub-style quiz.)  Check out this shipment of Knog Blinders that arrived this morning:


Obviously I'll sell almost all of them on eBay and pocket the proceeds, but I'm totally going to give away one set in Philly.

And, AND, while I was doing some seasonal closet reorganization (summer clothes in, winter sweaters out, move the Chrimma ornaments towards the front for easier access next month, how fucking punk rock is that?) I came across a bunch of t-shirts, which I'll give away along with some hats:


Don't worry, if you're not lucky enough to get a hat you can always buy one.  The shirts, however, are not for sale, nor will they ever be, so this could be your only chance to walk around promoting me with your chest.  Now, I should admit that the sizes are a bit limited, and apart from one "S" they're all "XL," but if you start hitting the cheese steaks now you may be able to fill one of those bad boys out by Saturday.

Or else just use it as a nightshirt.

Oh, I should also mention I hope you're not allergic to cat dander, because Countess Labia* has been all over this stuff.

*[Sung to the tune of "Countess Bathory" by Venom.]

Wow.  With all this stuff to schlep, I may have to drive to Philly in THE CAR THAT I OWN--and if I do you better get the hell outta my way, because my gas taxes pay for your shants and bike lanes, you freeloaders.

Speaking of me, did you know I still write for "Bicycling?"  Apparently so, and you can read it on the Internet:


Ah, "Bicycling"...come for the flat fixing instructions, stay for the bloviating.

In other news, everybody knows by now that Toronto mayors Robs Fords finally admitted to smoking the crack (crack cocaine as they're always careful to point out, since there's no law in Canada against freebasing donuts), "probably" in one of his "drunken stupors."   However, instead of focussing on that, I'd rather go back and watch the performance that put him on my radar in the first place:



What a disgusting human being.  It's like all the hatred and animosity that Canadians force down beneath their cloying politeness manifest itself in this one man.  He's like the "concentrated evil" in "Time Bandits."

Speaking of pains in the ass, a reader recently reminded me why I don't read Internet cycling forums:


Saddle sores in the butt-hole from Ergon saddle?

Anybody here experienced saddle-sores on the butt-hole from Ergon saddles? I just finished my first 25 hour solo mtb race this weekend, and experienced pain where I've never experienced it before. The Ergon saddle has been amazingly comfortable for the most part. However, I'm wondering if the saddle drops down two much for the sitt-bones, leaving the potential for things to rub in the center?

Okay, if you're getting saddle sores inside your asshole maybe these ridiculous ultra-endurance mountain bike races aren't for you.  Or, maybe they are for you, but you mistook an Ergon grip for an Ergon saddle.  This would certainly go a long way towards explaining your problem.

Anyway, recently I found myself browsing Kickstarter.  See, in addition to the lights Knog also sent be a bunch of narcotics they want me to move for them, so I'm going to need some way to launder the proceeds.  And after careful consideration, I think I'm going to put it all into this kickstand for Freds:


Even though the inventor couldn't be bothered to put on fresh bar tape for his pitch video:


Though perhaps it's a calculated decision meant to underscore the urgency of his need for funding.

Also, what's going on with his cables?  They're all over the place:


I'm supposed to trust this guy as an engineer?  His cockpit is a disaster!  It looks like a cable hairball.

But then I saw the Fred Stand, born of his desire for a reliable perch for his road bike:


Actually, maybe that's why his cables were so long.  He might have been using them to moor the bike to lampposts.

Anyway, even though I'd never actually use the Fred Stand (and I don't have a good reason, other than I wouldn't), I must say it's actually kinda nifty:


In fact, it could very well make the "disembodied hand" obsolete:


Though it seems to me he could have added an integrated mini pump or something, because why not?

And when you're done you just stick it under your saddle or in your pocket:


Anyway, it looks like the inventor of the Fred Stand has raised just under two grand so far, all of it from the Maestro:


Because, you know, conducting baton.

Lastly, much is made of the whole "cars vs. bikes" thing, but the real eternal struggle is the one between cyclists and joggers:



To the lady I yelled at who was jogging in the bike lane on Kane St - m4w (Cobble Hill)

I'll start by apologizing. It was childish and wrong of me to yell "nice bike, asshole!" at you as you were jogging in the bike lane on Kane Street a couple of days ago. I let my anger get the better of me, and I'm sincerely sorry for that. I hope I didn't scare you, or ruin your day.

Now having said that, can I ask a favor... would you stop running in the bike lane? Those lanes are there to help protect cyclists (and the kids they sometimes carry with them on their bikes) from having to ride out in traffic. They're not jogging paths. Runners don't belong there.

Of course, I think you probably know that; I bet you're familiar with pictograms, because I bet you were brought up in human society, so you were able to decipher the ones that are spray-painted in the bike lane at regular intervals. I bet you could tell they were bikes, and not joggers, and I bet you understood what that means in terms of who's supposed to be using that lane. And I know you weren't in the bike lane temporarily, to avoid a bit of sidewalk congestion. The sidewalks on Kane Street were completely clear, and you were out there for a good long time, long enough for me to catch up to you from Henry before passing you on the far side of Hicks (meanwhile, Kane Street itself was full of traffic, making your presence in the bike lane extra dangerous for both of us).

No, you were out there because you decided that the bike lane was your personal jogging path, that law and public policy and safety and common sense should kneel before your bizarre sense of entitlement. Well they shouldn't. That was a selfish, dangerous, and stupid thing you did. Please don't ever do it again.

Honestly, I don't think this is a big deal, but maybe that's because it's Wednesday.

118 comments:

JB said...

Cycloscranus

g. said...

Gold!

Flyover BC said...

Podium but where?

g. said...

close enough

Name said...

Shoot...

Anonymous said...

Podium! Suck it!

Yarpo said...

Top Tnenth!!!!!

theEel said...

weed!

Green&Gold Redline said...

Hi Snob,

I have seen a new "trend" I think needs your critical eye, and I'd love to see a hard-hitting Bike-Snob-style expose on this topic. That is: brakeless or front-brake only bikes with freewheels.

I saw my first one a couple months ago, but now I see several each week. It looks like these people are buying their standard fixed gear catalog bikes with no brakes, then are swapping in a freewheel, but not adding any brakes!

I'll see some very "urban" looking young person riding their track "whip" slowly toward an intersection, and then to my great surprise they stop pedaling! Egads!

Please take this as a suggestion for content for your blog. Thank you for your service.

g. said...

Snob,
Did you make Lance return his Seal of Disapproval t-Shirt when he mailed in his Silver medal? I can imagine that one was harder to give up.

The King of Park Slope said...

Freebasing donuts is a bit 1980s ... no?

babble on said...

LOL! Hey - I love it when I see weight savings after a good drilling out! Risk schmisk.

DB said...

Baronial today, Snob!

pnczur said...

Robs Fords smokes crack....CRACK! ROFLMAO!!

grog said...

GOLD SNOB
ZEUS HAND
MORE BABE

Serial Retrogrouch said...

dang nab it

Synonymous said...

Going to Toronto for some gravel and bacon. Canadian Bacon.

Once again I've passed the robot test.

Synonymous said...

Butthole surfers!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u7in-hH2q8I

Yeah Cleveland! said...

I really should read this first...

babble on said...

I've been known to compliment pedestrians on their "nice wheels!" when I find them in the bike lane...
but only cause I'm a hateful and angry person deep down inside. That's what happens when you're raised in Corruption Central. I mean Canada.

Our Prime Minister stole his mandate to rule on behalf of the oil and gas industry. THAT's why he has removed environmental protection from Canadian waters.

Pass the crack, would yeah?

Schatz said...

I'll take crack over poutine any day.

Yarpo said...

If you're scrolling too fast then the green arrows look like a pot leaf on the PBE 2013 Seminars page. Advocacy, Education, History, Lifestyle...are you sure this isn't for HempFest 20-Whatever?

Thanks, Snob, for the Countess Bathory (Labia) sing-along video; it was fun! The hilarious commenters for the video should really come over here and grace us with their delicate thoughts...

Robba the Fords really IS the un-dead Chris Farley as at least one commentista has postulated. The video proves it.

I'm waiting for the dogpile of bar-tape wrapping experts to impact here at any moment.

A cacophony of thundersticks against the barriers for JB, g., and Flyover BC. JB's interweb handlebar-throwing skills should be studied and emulated!

Anybody hire Gorka Verdugo for next season yet?

Wudda wun fer shur but I wuz lukkin at the Sieklin Noos innervyoo with Lance The Pants, Part Duex-x...

leroy said...

Oh sure, Philadelphia gets free stuff.

My dog is threatening to attend with a sign that says "Will snark for haberdashery."

Of course, his snark is worse than his bite.

Marcel Da Chump said...

Wednesday stupor.

crosspalms said...

Rainy and windy here today, so I took the bus. Baronial? I think a baronial public transit ride would have to be a cross between "Speed" and "The Taking of Pelham 123." Today wasn't it. Also, I'm taking my wife to dinner later and have to look like I was raised in human society. (Great rant against the jogger, I enjoyed that -- did Leroy have anything to do with it?)

Serial Retrogrouch said...

Anybody here experienced saddle-sores on the scranus from leather saddles? I just finished my first 62 hour solo tour of scranustans this weekend, and experienced pain where I've never experienced it before: in my balls. The leather saddle has been amazingly comfortable for the most part. However, I'm wondering if the saddle dropps down two much for the sitt-bones, leaving the potential for things to rub in the center?

i mean, holly crap, it's been three days and i still can't get an erection.

Comment deleted said...

Why it's important to shave your ass.

Anonymous said...


SORE HOLE

Anonymous said...

HOOT TERS,
BAKE FEET &
PORT LAND

Anonymous said...

FYI - Bad Reporter's take on Rob Ford's Crack problem: http://www.sfgate.com/columns/badreporter/#photo-5420540

le Correcteur said...

Top thirty; nsraesti 95.

Snob, your take on Ford (all the anger that all Canadians etc etc) is truly funny. Made my five minutes!

Anonymous said...

"Why can't I rise above my inner libertarian and persuade myself that the ringing of the bell (or the utterance of words of warning) is not only in the public interest but in mine as well? After considering the question at some length, I have figured out why I feel the way I do. It's because bicyclists in New York City are huge assholes."

http://deadspin.com/can-you-ride-a-bike-in-the-city-without-being-an-asshol-1447378693

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Recumbent Grandiosity -sounds comfortable not cumbersome.

Recumbent Baron -I like the sound of that. Out of my way knaves! Much better than the old on your left.

JB
g
Flyover

Nice podio gents.

McFly said...

I'll start by apologizing..............moor the bike......that one slayed me. I miss your editutorials in the Bicycling the Magazine magazines' thin wood version but Heidi Swift is Hot As Fuck so I am OK with it.

Roille Figners said...

Hmm, people are subtle. "Nice bike asshole" is apparently too rude, so they apologize, and then tear you a new one, only with even more sarcasm that is even more cryptic and ornate. What happened to "GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE BIKE LANE." It's simple, people can understand without having to decode it, etc.

I'm telling you man, it's leadership skills. You think Gunnery Sgt. Hartmann uses sarcasm? "Oh sure Pyle, don't try to get over the obstacle" OK never mind bad example

mikeweb said...

I thought riding so hard that you're 'chewing the handlebars' was only a metaphor.

Apparently I was wrong.

streepo said...

painus in the scranus

Anonymous said...

Cav: Is he a genius? “Last time I did an IQ test I was, yeah.”

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/sport/othersports/cycling/mark-cavendish/10426338/Mark-Cavendish-My-position-as-cyclings-greatest-sprinter-is-under-threat-now-I-have-a-point-to-prove.html

BamaPhred said...

Yes to Leroy's dog's comment.

Regulars such as myself come and slurp at the trough of free baronial blogness every day.

Traveling to exotic locations such as Cleveland or Killadelphia is out of scope, even for a chance at swag.

Maybe a Kickstarter for the dog to travel to Snob appearances and heckle is in order.

I'm sure he would wear the Occupy Snob locally sourced, artisanal, hand knitted sweater.

Regular guy said...

What, no bottle opener on the Fred-stand? Perhaps true Fred specific accessories forgo the bottle opener, because to a Fred, nothing of benefit comes out of a bottle that needs an opener.

Nice ass, bikehole!

CommieCanuck said...

True story: Kathy Ford, Rob's older sister, was shot in the face when her new drug dealer boyfriend had a fight to the death with her old drug dealer boyfriend.

Doug, his brother, was a notorious large-scale hash dealer in high school in the 80s. ( I know this first hand, ifyaknowhaddamean)

It gets worse, you don't even want to know about the black sheep of the family, RANDY.

mikeweb said...

I have a theory about joggers in the bike lane:

I think they should salmon jog in the lane. That way if someone is riding in the correct direction they will see them coming and can (theoretically)slide over to sidewalk or at least move to one side or the other. However, by salmon jogging they also act as a rolling road block/ annoyance/ pain in the scranus to cycling salmon.

Thank you. I'll be by my phone awaiting my call from the Nobel prize committee.

CommieCanuck said...

Our Prime Minister stole his mandate to rule on behalf of the oil and gas industry. THAT's why he has removed environmental protection from Canadian waters.

So what if some kids in Edmonton are born with birth defects and mental retardation, that's just more future support for the right wing.

POTA TOAH

jayteepee said...

I dunno. Judging by the frequent sounds of crabon slapping the pavement, those kickstands should be mandatory at all charity ride rest stops. It seems that a lot of people haven't mastered the fine art of balancing their bikes by a pedal against a curb, or doing the two bike tango.

bloomer said...

get ready NY, you're gonna have some more nanny'ing now that Deblasio is the big nanny:
"... a clear emphasis on progressive values."
Just remember your helments.

http://www.nytimes.com/2013/11/07/nyregion/de-blasio-takes-his-first-steps-to-reshape-new-york.html?_r=0

mikeweb said...

The giant cocaine shipment photo that I have as my avatar sits on the waterfront at the foot of Kane St.

I'm not sure how this relates to joggers or bike lanes, but just thought I'd mention it.

CommieCanuck said...

Maybe this is where we need to take a lesson from the automotive world and just run the annoying bastards down and then point out they weren't wearing a helmet or a jock.

I can't wait to hit the first Glasshole jogging in a bike lane.

GOOO OGLE

Roille Figners said...

Fredstand seems like a fix for a problem caused by a bad decision further upstream, i.e. riding a bike that is stupid.

JB said...

Babble:

Back in the day, "nice wheels" my crew's slang for nice legs, so that may not get the point across. Also, "nice stems."

Anonymous said...

Serial Retrogrouch -

My first advice would be to stand up more. Get the bllod flowing

Secondly, try a younger partner with a better waist to hip ratio. Helps my turgidity.

Thirdly, Brooks Saddle ownership and impotence go hand in hand. Leather easy chair for a saddle is kinda like the walking cane and pipe of bicycle accessories.

This is why I rub a Flite with no dildo hole at an slight upward angle.

Anonymous said...

Looks like a photo phinish for the podium today.

Anonymous said...

Kickstands are acceptable if, AND ONLY IF, you have:
-Fenders
-bell

AKA beach cruiser or townie. Kick stand on a lance bike? Kill yourself now

BamaPhred said...

Ok, the giant mound of cocaine on the end of Kane St is officially killing my curiosity. What is it, sand, crushed stone of some kind? It can't be cocaine, the Fords would be there rolling in it, ruining it for everyone else, if that's possible.

McFly said...

I don't give 2 glazed turds where lady joggers are if they have nice tits or yoga pants. Both is a bonus.

mikeweb said...

McFly, that's exactly the only reason I ever slow down in a non traffic yielding situation.

B-Phred, it was a 3 acre large, fifty foot high pile of road salt that the douches running the container port at the time decided to plop right there, uncovered and about 50 yards from the residential neighborhood I lived in at the time. For scale, those dots on the top of it are large 12 wheeler dump trucks like this one.

Roille Figners said...

So you'd be like "Get out of the bike lane... and my dreams... and onto my face?" What's up Billy Ocean

Roille Figners said...

Motion to dedicate Kane St. giant coke mound to Fords, do I have a 2nd?

mikeweb said...

After a bunch of outcry and elected officials getting involved, they finally covered it with gigantic (epic?) tarps.

About 6 years later this is what it looks like now. Though originally it was about three times that size.

McFly said...

Son of a....we just had an entire butt load of hot young high school girls come through our dirty ass facility on one of those Stay In School Or You Will End Up In A Place Like This Shithole programs. I have never seen so many DoMe boots and skirts and hot nerd glasses. I wanted to discuss depths of stroke and press fits but it was not meant to be. JAIL BAIT

CommieCanuck said...

Kickstands are acceptable if, AND ONLY IF, you have:
-Fenders
-bell


<a href="http://www.decathlon.co.uk/media/809/8098495/zoom_asset_15236438.jpg>and this bitchin basket</a>.

Mark said...

Damn, I want a bike expo in my town. But that would mean having to spend time indoors. In winter. When it is 70 degrees and sunny. It never sunny in Philadelphia; hence a bike expo. Kinda like a ski expo? I need some gravel skis...

CommieCanuck said...

balls.

this bitchin basket

Mark said...

Damn, I want a bike expo in my town. But that would mean having to spend time indoors. In winter. When it is 70 degrees and sunny. It never sunny in Philadelphia; hence a bike expo. Kinda like a ski expo? I need some gravel skis...

Road Queer said...

My version of Rembrant Pussyhorse will definitely result in saddle sores in your anal region.

Mark said...

Poor Aaron Ritz...

Flyover BC said...

The depth of stroke depends on the length of the rod and, of course, the radius of the crank.

RoadQueen said...

"Wow. With all this stuff to schlep, I may have to drive to Philly in THE CAR THAT I OWN--and if I do you better get the hell outta my way, because my gas taxes pay for your shants and bike lanes, you freeloaders."

The car that you own? Don't ya mean load up The Big Dummy???

David said...

A few things about joggers:

First of all, we're runners.

Next, runners are permitted to run along the side of the street, and that right hasn't been obviated by the appearance of bike lanes in most cases, especially where the bike lane is just painted stripes alongside the parked cars.

Also, per mikeweb@1:42, "salmoning" for runners is preferred precisely because it allows the runner and the oncoming traffic (bicycle and car) to adjust.

These are things cyclists, the NYC variety anyway, can think about in between constantly, recklessly violating all traffic rules.

Finally, to the runners who insist on using the bike lane on the West Side along the Hudson even where there are separate, dedicated paths for cyclists and runners: get the fuck out of the bike lane.

crosspalms said...

If cyclists in NYC are constantly, recklessly violating all traffic rules, why are there any cyclists in bike lanes? You'd think the joggers -- sorry, "runners" -- would have the bike lanes all to themselves. Don't get me started on the scooter people.

BamaPhred said...

Road salt, of course. Now I can rest. Thanks.

Anonymous said...

Could someone please review this bike for me? I'm interested in the vertical stiffness and lateral compliance.

http://grist.org/list/hermes-luxury-bike/

Anonymous said...

"Okay, if you're getting saddle sores inside your asshole maybe these ridiculous ultra-endurance mountain bike races aren't for you."
I had this problem and I thought it was the ultra-endurance bicycling, but it turned out my roommate was drugging me and engaging in anal sex with me while I was unconscious. Left all sorts of saddle sores.

Anonymous said...

FOR THE LAST GODDAMN TIME, everyone in NY is an asshole, with no time on respect laws or anyone else. Walkers: assholes.
Joggers: assholes.
Bike riders: assholes.
Cabbies: assholes.

That's what being a new yorker is all about. People in pussy cities wait for the sign to flash walk before crossing the street. If you wait for traffic signals in NY, you are a mark ass buster.

Mr Plow said...

I'll give up my disembodied hand when you pry it from my cold dead hand (the non disembodied one).

Dooth said...

Baron Von Wildcat, juxtaposing a saddle-sored asshole and Rob Fords made for some unpleasant imagery.

mikeweb said...

About the Robs Fords crack smoking thing, 'I was drunk (again) at the time'? That's the best he's got??

At least Marion Berry was trying to get laid when he torched up.

mikeweb said...

David,

Funny you mention the West side bike path, because a few weeks back I saw another David - David Byrne to be exact - jogging in the bike lane. Sorry, I mean running.

Roille Figners said...

DID YOU WAVE? IS HE NOT AN ATTRACTION?

Mr Plow said...

Robs fords approval rating went up post crack smoking video. Canadia is awesome

JLRB said...

Fords crack antics put his rant about bikes in new context - he says he has friends that are couriers downtown that run all over the place by bike - now that there are e-mails guess what is in the courier bag?

Roille Figners said...

note to self: cancel Canadian emigration plan

Blog Drafter said...

I got caught in an unexpected rain shower on my ride this morning. One of those FILTH PROPHYLACTICS would have come in handy.

That is all.

Scranus.

JLRB said...

Homeric phobia

Salty and Sore said...

freebasing the donut

Def.: the process by which one achieves saddle sores on the anus.

crosspalms said...

My wife had "Access Hollywood" on as background noise last night so I got to hear the phrase "popular Brazilian brothel" connected to Justin Bieber. Nothing to do with joggers in the bike lane except "jarring incongruity."

Lumpen Fredetariat said...

Comment of the day (so far) to Mr Plow @3:18. Though Salty and Sore put in a great challenge just now...

@mikeweb - is that really Brooklyn? Those delis across the street do not look very artisanal?


Blitherer said...

Hmmm, you think Baronial is the right choice? First, it does not really work in the noun form, as in "I went for a Baron this morning..."

Sounds more like a bad time in the bathroom.

No, my friends and I, when were in the midst of a longer than planned ride, had the same conversation about how to improve upon epic. We decided Homeric was it.

Not only did it catch the right tone (as in truly grand), but it caught the whole homo-erotic undertone to our hot 'n sweaty efforts(think, well shaved boys in tight clothes).

Plus, when we finally got home, we felt like that eponymous hero, returning after 10 years at sea to our long suffering wives(except our wives were pissed we were out for two hours longer than we said we'd be and made us watch our infant children as punishment).

But there is still that pesky noun issue: Going for a Homer? I I think not...

Sigh.

DB said...

Crosspalms:
It's obvious from your stellar commenting that you are both educated and very humorous, so imagine my shock when you mentioned you had Access Hollywood on as background noise instead of the Blackhawks or Bulls.

mikeweb said...

Am I the only one who thinks that Robs Fords would fit in those XL t-shirts that Snob's giving away just fine?

LF,

If by artisanal you mean the deli owner would get held up at gunpoint every few months, then yes.

Anonymous said...

http://thelede.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/08/02/vilnius-mayor-crushes-car-in-bike-lane-with-a-tank/?_r=0

Lumpen Fredetariat said...

mikeweb - I will have to check with my hipster friends if that is what they mean by artisanal. Perhaps it would have to be a limited edition home-made shooter...

36C JoggerMilf said...

Well dick face I Came over into the bike lane because I thought you were cute and I WAS going to flash you because exercise gets me horny. My husband travels a lot and I was thinking how about some hot woods sex but you totally blew that.

crosspalms said...

DB,
The half hour between 6:30 and 7 is pretty desolate here on TV and I guess we're just too lazy to turn the thing off. In my wife's defense, she sometimes comes up with current events questions for her students thanks to the show. Bonus for me is overhearing "popular Brazilian brothel," which I don't think existed as a phrase in Google searches until 2 days ago. Years from now it'll show up in some anthology of 21st century life with "helment."

DB said...

Crosspalms:
My wife teaches as well. I'll give her your wife's advice so she can keep up with her kids.
Show your wife a good time tonight.

Anonymous said...

That stupid engineer stole the design from clickstand. They have been building them for years now. What great idea. They even have started making them in different colors. For a cyclist unable to organize his cockpit correctly. Did we really think he has the brains to have an original thought?

Anonymous said...

You made me laugh (in a positive way)with the ergon bit.I like reading your blog. Going on a week now. I'm a seasoned mechanic in a LBS outside of montreal and love the work. Also read one of your books and learned some good bike history. Hope the next three are as great as this one.

babble on said...

babbling on and on...

CC- Don't I know it! As one of those mutarded oil-sands casualties I am here to remind everyone it's time to pay the piper.

This whole fucking country is under the governance of ultra-organised crime. Did you see? Christie Clark is bending over for big energy these days, too, having just agreed in principal the pipeline through the Hecate. She always has, though. Her whole budget is based on high prices for natural gas(I hate it when they market natural gas as green, sustainable), but anyone can poison their aquifers to blast natural gas from shale. Everyone is jumping on that bandwagon. The prices will OF COURSE continue to drop. And the most valuable commodity of all? Our fresh water. Fuck fuck fuck humans are sooooo stupid.

Speaking of which. McDuh! JB- Ah...of course! All this time I figured you guys were appreciating my well-curated bicycles, bless your twisted hearts. <3

Anonymous said...

Yeah barbs like you ain't ever bent over for BIG ENERGY. Pot.....meat Kettle....

-C. said...

Joggers in the bike lane- yes that does suck, but social media makes every whiner into a master pontificator nowadays. At least BSNYC has the talent to back it up and make people laugh and make millions doing same.

Problem is amateur pontificators whining ad nauseum and clogging up the internets like the woman whose kid's pumpkin was allegedly stolen by an asshole....

....oh crap, I just became one, nevermind.

P.S. Scranus

Dave said...

Historical note: How well we remember here in Falls Church that joyous day so many years ago when Marion Barry was seen by the whole world smokin' the crack, and later whining his immortal line about the bitch setting him up. But perhaps few Americans know that to this very day, the doddering Barry is still on the city council, still being reelected, still engaging in his petty corruption and being censured regularly. the only way he's going out is feet first, as the saying goes. So I predict we'll have the Fords to kick around for decades to come - although, how long can his heart hold out against that wall of flab?

Richard Wad said...

My commuter bike had a front brake that would make a horrific shrieking noise when applied, it sure made more than one bike lane pedestrian jump like Jack Shit.

Mo' Moneythanbrains said...

That Fred Stand would more than nullify the weight savings of the French threaded titanium valve caps I bought.

balls™ said...

I just realized that Rob Fords is only a few months older than I am.

He looks like shit for a man his age. What am I saying, he looks just like an old fat fuck.


Scranus.

Grump said...

The first time I heard Ford spout off about something, I thought..."What....Is he on crack???"

Now we know..
.
.

3G said...

ANAL BUM COVER

urchin said...

Hey snobbers! Yep, still reading. Still keeping an eye on you. Loving the recent work. Just one question:

Back when I was awarded one of those fine Seal of Approval smocks for my good taste in bike porn, large was the biggest you had! I'm a fat slob and have been sucking in my gut for how many years trying to publicize your blog... and you had XLs all along? Please tell me I can trade in my faded, stretched L for one of those sweet XL babies...

Anonymous said...

http://sacramento.craigslist.org/bik/4172148240.html

Fast Eddie said...

Throw in the baby and you got a deal. I will put that shit on Ebay and end up with a free foldie.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Hey urchin! I remember you from back in the day before this comment section was a suckhole.

leroy said...

Oh dear.

Looks like I owe my dog an apology.

I asked him if we should cross Kane Street to get to Red Hook.

Turns out, he wasn't ignoring me when he said "pass the salt."

mikeweb said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
mikeweb said...

leroy,

If your dog ever says 'Congress sucks', he may actually be referring to street conditions.

Just trying to help avoid any further confusion.

David said...

Anybody notice Time-Travelling Fred on Letterman the other night? He was on the cover of one of the fake books. (BTW, I AM a robot, just a smart enough robot to fool the Google robot.)

Frilly Chick said...

Hi Urchin!

DB said...

Best comment of the day:
Leroy at 7:59.
Congrats.

JLRB said...

Get out of my driveway and quit calling me a fat fuck

(105 atcrash)

urchin said...

Hi old timers! I still read every day. Just don't comment. But when I saw there actually WAS a roomier version of my favorite lounging smock and that RTMS had been holding on me, I just had to open up my account.

Anonymous said...

Who wears their helment straps over their sunglasses? This kickstand guy is all sorts of unorganized.