Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Generation Gap: An Alleycat Down Memory Lane

As a traveler, I always take great pains to respect the customs and folkways of whichever land I'm visiting. Cultural sensitivity is extremely important, and I learned this the hard way after visiting the Middle East while wearing a designer t-shirt from the Jyllands-Posten collection. (Let's just say "getting stoned" doesn't mean the same thing there that it does here.) This is why, as I prepare for this weekend's Seattle Bicycle Expo, I am putting the finishing touches on my "soul patch" and digging my best flannel out of mothballs. Seattle is the birthplace of grunge after all, and I wouldn't want to shock or upset any of the inhabitants by reminding them that the 1990s are actually over, for they cling desperately to a bygone age with the tenacity of the Amish.

Of course, "soul patches" aren't as common now as they once were, which is why templates for them are as sparse as a teenage boy's upper lip hair. However, there is one man who sports an example of this facial hair genre that is perfect right down to each and every follicle, and this man is the time-traveling t-shirt-wearing retro-Fred from the planet Tridork, who has popped up again not only here:

But also here:

When you use the time-traveling t-shirt-wearing retro-Fred from the planet Tridork to promote your event or product, you send a strong message, and that message is: "I conducted a cursory stock photography image search and used the first photo that came up."

You won't find that sort of slapdash approach to illustrations in an august publication like the New Yorker, where they prefer whimsical cartoons with reader-submitted captions:

The New Yorker does seem to be changing its approach somewhat though by simultaneously embracing the Internet and pandering to an aging readership with a median age of 126. (When J.D. Salinger died at 91 the typical New Yorker reader sighed, "Oy, so young...") This may be why the magazine engaged one of it's young hipster writers to compose the following blog post against bike lanes, as forwarded to me by a reader:


Like any well-reasoned anti-cycling argument, it's crucial to establish that you not only used to be a cyclist yourself, but that you did it stupidly:

I don’t have anything against bikes. As a student, I lived in the middle of Oxford, where cycling is the predominant mode of transport, and I cycled everywhere. Twenty-five years ago, when I moved to the East Village, I paid a guy on Second Avenue thirty dollars for a second-hand racing bike (probably stolen). Of a Sunday afternoon, hungover from the previous night’s carousing at neighborhood bars and clubs, I would pedal furiously up First Avenue, cross over to Park or Madison, continue up to Central Park and then race back down Fifth, all the way to Washington Square. In those days, there were few cyclists on the roads, and part of the thrill was avoiding cabs and other vehicles that would suddenly swing into your lane, apparently oblivious to your presence. When I got back to my apartment on East 12th Street, I was sometimes shaking.

In other words, in the 1980s, Cassidy was that decade's version of a "hipster," and he wants to remind today's hipster that he was being an idiot before they were even born. More importantly, like that guy from Continuum, he doesn't feel that cycling should become mainstream or accessible because that would somehow make their own activities seem less daring, individualistic, or authentic.

But unlike that Continuum guy, who likes to criticize the "noobs" even as he makes a living selling bikes to them, Cassidy apparently abandoned his stolen bicycle at the end of the 1980s, when he bought leased a new car:

The bitter rant of an angry motorist? Perhaps. Since 1989, when I nervously edged out of the Ford showroom on Eleventh Avenue and 57th Street, the proud leaser of a sporty Thunderbird coupe, I have owned and driven six cars in the city, none of which could be classed as a fuel-economy vehicle: the Thunderbird, a Mercedes E190, an ancient Oldsmobile Delta 88 that could have done double duty as a paddle steamer on the Hudson, two Cadillac Sedan de Villes, and (my current heap) an old Jaguar XJ6.

"Nervous edging" aside, that is one of the most embarrassing successions of automobiles I've ever seen. He should leave the New Yorker and start a magazine called Car and Doofus. An Oldsmobile? Two Cadillacs?!? Did I miss some mid-1990s "Florida retiree chic" trend while I was off at college? And this was a Thunderbird in 1989:

I can just see him "nervously edging" this thing out of the dealership, his hair slicked back, a Madonna "Like A Prayer" cassingle blaring on the stereo in eternally-looping auto-reverse. 1989 was the first year Ford started impregnating the wet dog hair and stale tobacco smell of the Thunderbird into the upholstery at the factory in order to save owners the trouble of adding it themselves. Cassidy must have been a real chick magnet "back in the day"--if by "chicks" you mean middle-aged recent divorcees from Lynbrook. I mean, its Mercury counterpart was actually called the Cougar.

Thus, a love affair with the automobile was born, and now instead of bombing down 5th Avenue with a hangover on his stolen bike Cassidy knows every inch of New York:

Thanks to these four-wheel friends, I have discovered virtually every neighborhood of the city and its environs, and I would put my knowledge of New York’s geography and topography up against most native residents—cycling members of the Park Slope food co-op included

Hey sideburns, the Fourth Annual Panorama Challenge is this Friday in Flushing Meadows Corona Park, I'm sure you know where that is. Why don't you point whatever heap you're driving these days on over there and let us know how you do.

So why is Cassidy's car so important to him anyway? Does he live in a transit-starved neighborhood and depend on it to get to work? Does he have a large family and lots of relatives in the region? Or does he need to travel like 10 miles round trip from the gentrified Brooklyn neighborhood he lives in to Manhattan in order to socialize? Seems like it's that last one:

A minor but not completely insignificant example. Like many New Yorkers who don’t live in Manhattan, one of my favorite pastimes is to drive from Brooklyn, where I live, into the city for dinner and find a parking space once the 7 A.M.-7 P.M. parking restrictions have lapsed. Years ago, this was a challenge, but a manageable one. These days, especially downtown, it is virtually impossible.

Sure, maybe you can't park now because of the bike lanes. Or, maybe you can't park because, in recent years, Brooklyn has become full of quasi-intellectual douchebags who are all driving to the same overpriced Manhattan restaurants in the neighborhoods they gentrified and left, and so now between the increased amenities and the nostalgic douchebags you can't find parking. Why blame this on the fact that some people would rather buy a bike than lease a stupid Thunderbird? If you like to drive to restaurants, why not just eat in Brooklyn? Go to Red Hook--trust me, there's plenty of parking, even with the new bike lanes. Or, go to Williamsburg--it's just like the East Village was when you used to live there (by which I mean in the process of being ruined by people like you) and I think you'll find that, despite the new bike lane on Kent Avenue there's plenty of parking there too.

Don't blame people who like to ride bikes for the fact that you're hopelessly out of it.

Meanwhile, between the aging people who are "over" bicycling and the modern-day versions of Cassidy in his youth, cycling in New York City has become a generational tug-of-war between two groups of idiots. Here's "helmet cam" footage from the recent "Four Horseman II" alleycat, in which a bunch of fixed-gear fashion victims race down Fifth Avenue just like Cassidy used to do:



Sadly, these riders succeed in validating pretty much every anti-cycling sentiment today, and when the police officer who arrives at the scene after you've been a victim of a hit-and-run tells you to be more careful next time and asks you if you were wearing a helmet, you know exactly who to blame. Speaking of helmets, I think every person in this race has a camera on theirs:

At this current moment in the pretend-rough-and-tumble world of the urban "bike culture," people are no longer individuals--they're just content providers and conformists who are going through the motions so they can upload them later and see how cool they looked.

Here's one rider "skitching" off of a Mercedes SUV:

Either that's a very irritated rich person who's going to put even more pressure on the city to give you a ticket for not having a bell on your bike, or it's the rider's mom and she's trying to help him win. Either way, it's pathetic.

Next, the cameraman's mom shows up, and he starts "skitching" too:

Though we don't get to see the moment where she rolls down the window and gives him a juice box.

Here's still more "skitching:"

I wonder if the driver is that New Yorker guy on his way to dinner.

By the way, if you're unfamiliar with New York, I should point out that they're racing down "Museum Mile," and as they pass the Guggenheim one of the riders gratuitously punches a Hyundai:

Take that, establishment.

But "alleycats" are not just about terrorizing motor-vehicular oppressors who represent your parents. They're also about terrorizing pedestrians who are just trying to cross the street and visit the Metropolitan Museum, and who also represent your parents:

"My mom never bought me ice cream after she took me to the museum, and now you're going to pay."

Of course, the best part of competing in an "alleycat" is gaining the approval of your identically-clad peers:

"Hey, I did it! I set a 'hipster' personal best! Do I get my picture on the Internet now?"


Not only that, but there were also wagon wheels there--not only the Mavic kind, but actual wooden wagon wheels:

There were also wooden components and rims:


Here's one showgoer pricing a rim that would look great as an artisanal plant hanger:


Yes, a bargain at $185:


I'm looking forward to a 100% flammable NAHBS by 2015.

135 comments:

Anonymous said...

bleh

Astroluc said...

podium!

rfalso said...

podium

Anonymous said...

so close

I am the steel engine said...

wooden wheels, meh

Slone said...

Top Ten

hillbilly said...

awesome.

Some Guy in the Innernets said...

Are you sure that "John Cassidy" article isn't really from the Onion? I mean, that photo! Holy Cow.

hillbilly said...

clearly mr. new yorker douche has to go pick up Sasha Frere Jones so they can blow each other.

Matt said...

I'll be impressed when they make a wooden chain.

ant1 said...

ant1st!

le Correcteur said...

Just missed top ten! Ouch!

Kelly said...

Seems like the douche index (DoucheDex?) is at an all time high.

mikeweb said...

Suitcase of courage!!

Keeping my face in a contorted grimace the rest of the day in tribute.

Anonymous said...

It's its in 'its Mercury counterpart.' Same error somewhere in yesterday's post. All you haters suck its balls. It's balls! --Campaign to exhaust inadvertent illiteracy

TheCheat said...

I'm starting to think the tridork picture is being used by everybody just so they can get a mention from bike snob nyc.

Dan said...

Nothing like a post-alleycat recovery Four Loko. we're all so proud!

mikeweb said...

...and part of the thrill was avoiding cabs and other vehicles that would suddenly swing into your lane, apparently oblivious to your presence.

Yeah, I'm so glad this kind of stuff never happens anymore. What an ass.

Sexual Harassment Panda said...

I'm a sad panda.

Anonymous said...

http://www.eschatonblog.com/2011/03/onejag-cassidy-enraged-by-lack-of.html

Balls.

le Correcteur said...

Snob:
Now that I've read it, I'd like to commend your wonderful snark in the following:

"I can just see him "nervously edging" this thing out of the dealership, his hair slicked back, a Madonna "Like A Prayer" cassingle blaring on the stereo in eternally-looping auto-reverse. 1989 was the first year Ford started impregnating the wet dog hair and stale tobacco smell of the Thunderbird into the upholstery at the factory in order to save owners the trouble of adding it themselves."

As well as the sheer truthfulness in this one:

"At this current moment in the pretend-rough-and-tumble world of the urban "bike culture," people are no longer individuals--they're just content providers and conformists who are going through the motions so they can upload them later and see how cool they looked."

It used to be, long, long ago, that family events only occurred if you had color pics with your Instamatic; without this, they didn't exist. But now outdoorsy individual exploits --and it's not just urban ones--don't exist unless you upload video! If we keep up this way, no one will know if he's taken a dump unless there's a youtube video to remind him.

Congrats on the funniness and truthiness!
--le Correcteur

Anonymous said...

Snob, you have a suspiciously acute knowledge of car semiotics from the late eighties and nineties - do you have a secret past?

ant1 said...

you're on fire today Snobby.

old hipster said...

What is it about NYC that makes people want to lay a claim to it by being dicks? That's what Cassidy and the "Four Horseman" have in common.

But the hardest thing to do here is to be nice and be relaxed.

Some Guy in the Innernets said...

On second thought, that doofus's mug at the top of an Onion piece would just look too contrived. Where does the Times find those creeps? Oh. Never mind.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 12:55pm,

Nope, that's just what happens when you lived in Queens and Nassau in the '80s and '90s.

--BSNYC

crosspalms said...

I'd have gotten here sooner but I kept circling the block looking for a parking space.

Terre Haute Karl said...

I clicked on the second retro-Fred link and it would appear that his name is not really retro-Fred, it's Triathlon Eugene???

John said...

It's --> it is.

Its --> belongs to.

This detracted from an otherwise 11/10 rant.

dcee604 said...

stop taking our trees and making bike parts out of them.

OBA said...

All those winter miles are paying off - you're definately back on form today!

mikeweb said...

Judging by the amount of time it took Horsedork number IV to go the 50-ish blocks between the Plaza and Washington Sq. he must be a time traveler also.

Either that or watching people on fixed gears doing a cadence of 90+ so that they can do 30 MPH downhill wasn't aesthetically pleasing enough to upload.

The King of the Park Slope Food Co-op said...

You can tell this Mr. Cassidy fellow I accept his orienteering challenge.

Some Guy in the Innernets said...

It's those small imperfections that make fine artisanal blogging special. Machine made blogging just doesn't compare, even when it's programmed to make fake typos and trivial errors in spelling and punctuation.

I try to avoid excessive rage from the prigs of the innernets by reminding myself that contractions (usually, probably) always get the apostrophe when there is a possessive that might want it. Sometimes I avoid using apostrophes altogether, just to piss off the grammarians who then have to tell me to use them. That seems to really rankle them, having to admonish someone for not using an apostrophe.

Bobby said...

Nice work keying in on the atrocity of the '89 T-Bird. That's the angle I took when mocking him on Twitter.

Anonymous said...

That alleycat video was one of the more boring ones Ive ever seen so maybe im wrong because I gave up but I love how in the chunk I watched no one seemed to know how to use drop bars properly.

Chazu said...

"On Fire" indeed. Those wooden wheels are smoldering in the heat.

Take it to a macro level and write a book about our collective national "culture."

(I'm cringing as I write this because, as every child knows, the ghost of Goering reaches for his Browning whenever he hears the word "Culture" - kinda like an angel getting his wings every time a bell rings, but not exactly, and with a hefty dollop of evil on top.)

Anywho: Nassau?! Greenvale. Meh.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

"start a magazine called Car and Doofus". "cassingle" that's some funny shit man.

718 Cyclery said...

Please stop making me laugh so much at work....I was anticipating your reaction to his car roster as i was reading his list

Anonymous said...

great rant today. who do you think went through more kleenex, the self-congratulatory sideburns guy while writing his pointless article or the epically heroic alley cat hipster while editing his gnarly footage?

we learned from his article that sideburns is an oxford educated, former EV dweeling OG hipster with a drinking problem who now goes out of his way to buy ugly ironic gas guzzling cars. He sounds pretty awesome.

Anonymous said...

Sad thing is snob's brilliant observation that people are becoming content providers is tragically funny as there are serious marketing forces at work that want that out of us. Just wait until gamification becomes big (using smartphones to make consumers feel like shopping is a videogame).

There's an idiot who's been featured by snob twice - riding wrong lane on m bridge on a bridgestone track bike - whose whole life seems to consist of riding expensive track bikes slowly on the Internet. He blogs and his friend blog and tweet and share photos of them buying more bikes and about doing "a lap" in prospect park. The day they did a single lap they had covered it on six different websites. It's insane.

My cat 3 masters mentor always points out that the people who act the most like jerks in NYC are the insecure transplants who mistakenly assume that the key to new York is acting like an asshole.

g-roc said...

Anonymous 12:55pm, if you look up the most mundane car on Wikipedia, it's disturbing how much detail it contains. It's amazing how many people can pass themselves off as experts by being able to "Google it", regardless if they understand the subject and/or context.

Anonymous said...

I'd like to see a three man alley cat to the death (or until one of them becomes uncomfortably fatigued) between the Lone Wolf, the Time Traveling Tee-shirt Wearing Retro Fred from the Planet Tri-dork and Floyd Landis.

Anonymous said...

If I'm not mistaken, the "wagon wheel" is using wooden paint sterrers for spokes.

H

Pontius Pilate said...

HAIL CSZR

-P.P.

REVOLUTION! said...

That should be paint stirrers.

H

Anonymous said...

Hmmm, wooden rims for vintage track bike restorations?

hey nonny mouse

Anonymous said...

anon 1:32, I was sort of with you until you mentioned your "cat 3 masters mentor".

crosspalms said...

My cat 6 mentor says let's all skeech off Cassidy's Jag. Nice takedown, Snob

ervgopwr said...

NYWSMB

mikeweb said...

btw, @crosspalms, nice comment on the New Yorker page. Very amusing.

Chapeau.

Lulea said...

Cassidy's response to commenters on his first column. Very acidic response.

http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/johncassidy/2011/03/bike-lanes-ii.html

Anonymous said...

So there's an older dude who's taught me a lot about cycling and life who's seen it all in this city (I just don't have the life or skills to go higher than cat 5) and I don't get to pay respect to him? Also, masters. I'm sure he's dropped a lot of you from time to time. Guess I should become an i banker save up and hire Hincapie to be my personal trainer.

Marcel Da Chump said...

Cassidy says that now cyclist want it easy. Does that mean I'd like to ride without the fear of being struck down by a car at any moment as "wanting it easy"? The nerve of me!

Gator joe said...

Snob,
I've got a box of matches if you need them.

Giantic Cock George said...

I noticed with the New Yorker caption contest that the response of "Aw fuck you!" works well for all cartoons, yet seldom wins any prizes, perhaps because of lack of originality.

TLQO CMHM

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

I intend to continue foisting my recumbentalist views on a disinterested or actively reluctant populace.

Anonymous said...

Or, as he shall henceforth be known: "OneJag Cassidy":

http://www.eschatonblog.com/2011/03/thank-me.html

Anonymous said...

I am confused about anal flair ups and the warm fuzzy feeling.

wishiwasmerckx said...

I asked my Cat 3 masters mentor how I was progressing, and he replied, "You are not a Jedi yet..."

Chris said...

"hey sideburns!"

LOL

Anonymous said...

Steve Tilford uses his blog to analyze and comment on actual, real bike races. Without pictures, because he knows how to write descriptive sentences.

Who knows? said...

Maybe Steve hasn't figured out how to post photos. I don't know, just theorizing.

Anonymous said...

Hey Snob,
Have you seen this "epic" downhill course in Chile:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ewLH0TVWkU&feature=player_embedded

Anonymous said...

Steve Tilford is boring. Race reports are also boring.

Your next Cat3 mentor said...

Nice and vitriolic Snob. Bring the wrath!

asphalt_juheesus! said...

ahh, wood handlebars making that SNAP sound the split second before eating asphalt is not my idea of good product. crabon too BTW...

Or, maybe it is. Hey hipsters! Buy lots of crabon and wood parts!

bikesgonewild said...

...that little mensch bobby zimmerman was so prescient when he sang :
..."This wheel's on fire
Rolling down the road
Best notify my next of kin
This wheel shall explode !"
...

...he foretold the future of not only the exploding crabon spoked mavic but also the the ghisallo wood rimmed & hub-ed, bamboo spoked nahbs presentation...

...by "...best notify my next of kin...", i assume he meant his lawyer...

...just sayin'...

Anonymous said...

Ok fair enough it's a stupid turn of phrase but respect to anyone who races in the park who's been around

Anonymous said...

Beautiful blog snobby. Your rage is pure and perfect.

cycle

Anonymous said...

The headshot photo of John Cassidy is cropped from a larger image of him defecating in a Sunoco gas station toilet, a toilet room on the backside of an old gas station with the outside door missing. Hankerchief-for-toilet paper in one hand, open bag of Cheetos in the other.

Cunthunter Carlos said...

Pudimos hacer el viaje junto a ese huevon!

That mountain bike video has some seriously fucked up shit in it.

hillbilly said...

mr. c's "response" is equally douchey

http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/johncassidy/2011/03/bike-lanes-ii.html

Neil said...

That alleycat video would have been much shorter if the cameraman had taken the left hook at 0:55.
Maybe next time.

Concerned said...

Doesn't anybody care about Panda's food resources anymore? They should be disgusted building their bikes out of bamboo.

Kenny Banya said...

Gold Snobby, GOLD!

bikesgonewild said...

...concerned @ 3:55pm...nice that you are 'concerned' but in the time it took you to post your comment, every bamboo plant on the planet grew at least 6 inches...

...basic fact...

g-roc said...

Anonymous 1:37, there are so many reasons why all 3 of them wouldn't show, but if they did I'd cheer for Lone Wolf - might not put money on him, after all, time travel beats pharmaceuticals, beats Lotus.

-Cat 6 mentor (to anyone who doesn't leave while I'm talking)

Jasper said...

"--Campaign to exhaust inadvertent illiteracy" You really need to come up with a name that has a juicier acronym

Anonymous 12:55 said...

I think hipsters would be just fine riding bamboo and crabon - when their frames break, they go off and find something else to be hip about. Built-in obsolescence anyone?

Marcel Da Chump said...

bgw,
that's why called him Freewheelin'.

Anonymous 12:55 said...

An, like, wow, I not only got a response from the man himself, but also from g-roc. I can die happily as my bamboo snaps underneath me.

Marcel Da Chump said...

oops, they called him Freewheelin'.

db said...

http://www.cyclingnews.com/races/69th-paris-nice-his/stage-4/photo

looks like voeckler forgot his mask of pain... and won due to his improved aerodynamics!

Here in ground zero said...

Little did I know as a kid smugly growing up in the city that pretentiously living in Park Slope, douchily riding a bicycle to work in Manhattan would make me the target of the wrath of the likes of my number one cultural arbiter - the New Yorker.

All you hates can shun my bikelanes...

Anonymous said...

Where I got my first 20" BMX in 1982.

http://www.woodenwheels.com/

BikenewbMKE said...

Don't take this as me having some sort of issue with your opinion, as we're of course all entitled to them.
My question is simply why you dislike fixed gear bikes so much? I ride one, and it certainly isn't to fit into any crowd. Hell, it was purchased by mistake. I asked for a single speed and ended up not finding out it was fixed until I got it home. I've grown to love it though, the simplicity allows me to change and fix things very easily without having to take it to a shop, and always having to pedal is great exercise, which is one of the main reasons I got into cycling in the first place.

I guess I am a hipster in some respects. I use a messenger bag (though I keep things in it, like my Ulock, keys, tools, lunch, clothes etc). I drink PBR but I will say I wear my own pants, not anything that looks like it would fit on my sister.

Guess my point is, I ride the fixed gear because it's functional in my opinion, not because it's hip. Why the hate, Snob?

BikeSnobNYC said...

BikenewbMKE,

I don't hate fixed-gears at all and I ride them myself. I am, however, not crazy about people who make a sport of videotaping themselves as they punch cars and buzz pedestrians on Fifth Avenue.

--BSNYC

bikesgonewild said...

...marcel da chump...

...'the answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind...'...

Anonymous said...

he doesn't have anything against fixed gear bicycles. now recumbents, on the other hand...

Marcel Da Chump said...

And, 'it doesn't take a weatherman to know
which way the wind blows'

Nogocyclist said...

I may be the only person who reads this blog who actually drives a car everywhere I go. I am disabled and live in an area that has basically no public transportation. That being the case, it's either take a car or stay home.

If I had the choice to drive a car in NYC or not, driving a car seems like a very poor choice. Maintaining a car is expensive. Insurance, tags, gasoline, and preventive maintenance all cost substantial amounts. Add to that the costs involved with having one in NYC for parking. Add all this up, and then add to it the $20,000 an average car costs, and owning one is a very major expense.

Why would anyone want to depend on a car in the city if they had another choice? Seriously, my car probably costs me $200 a month and I drive a clunker. I wish I had another choice here.

Nogocyclist said...

My point is, these guys who are fighting the rights of bikes should examine their budgets and see how much that car is costing them. They could likely increase the quality of their lifestyle if they only started riding a bike. If nothing else, they would have a lot more disposable income to spend on something other than basic transportation.

Marcel Da Chump said...

oops again,
'you don't need a weatherman
to know which way the wind blows'

g-roc said...

Anonymous 4:20, (And on a Wednesday, no less.)

People read my comments? Huh.

Anonymous said...

how many hipsters does it take to change a light bulb?

oh, it's a pretty obscure number....you've probably never even heard of it

Anonymous said...

What I would give to see

I don't hate recumbents at all and I ride them myself. I am, however, not crazy about people who make a sport of riding a bicycle while heavily bearded and gorped, wearing more safety yellow than a construction crew, while wearing nothing below the waist on a downhill course.

--BSNYC

Cameron said...

Brilliant!

Anonymous said...

I had a college instructor that referred to Cassidy and ilk as "self-righteous carpetbaggers." That seems really accurate.

Also, I don't see what he's all fired up about. I live in Boise, Idaho. We have very few bike lanes downtown and the parking still sucks.

Sean said...

Not for nothing, but did that guy really punch the Hyundai? He didn't seem to have a reason, and I actually thought he was trying to grab on for a ride, even though there was a car in front of the Hyundai. If it was a punch, it was pretty girly.

Wait, I think I just answered my own question.

Anonymous 4:20 said...

g-roc - ah sweet serendipity!

Anonymous 4:20 said...

...plus, the comments on here completely, like, rock, you know. Some of you guys are really funny.

rhetoricdying said...

Snob,

Check this photo out: http://velonews.competitor.com/2011/03/road/2011-tirreno-adriatico-stage-1-%E2%80%93-a-brad-kaminski-gallery_163046/attachment/retro-fan. I wonder if he picked those rims up at this year's NAHMBS.

Anonymous said...

"OneJag Cassidy"

He's half the man that Prescott is, you know....

hey nonny mouse

Anonymous said...

Ol' sideburns would look really good with a Stetson and Colt, in that photo...

dux de trux said...

growing bamboo in circular molds to form wheels and other parts then just cutting at the joint and viola!
instant crap.
wooden rims of yore were mainly for tarck racing.
not a lot of pot holes on the velodrome.

de dux said...

alleycat my royal hawaiian ass...these dimwits are less than stupid...this video alone is evidence of reckless
and antisocial behavior...some of them had brakes and
wore helmets...no serious suicide candidate would be caught alive doing such a thing...

fred said...

oh crap

Vegas said...

Thank you for immersing my crustacean life in your buttery words. Delicious.

Jasper said...

Hey Nonny Mouse - I was waiting for Prescott to make an appearance, thank for making it a witty one

Anonymous said...

Next level

The comment level of self absorbed assjacks has hit douche level 4.0.

Some of these fan boys need to gobble a turkey!

Anonymous said...

Next level

The comment level of self absorbed assjacks has hit douche level 4.0.

Some of these fan boys need to gobble a turkey!

Anonymous said...

DIRK HOFFMAN MOBILEHOMES

the chocolate lady מרת שאקאלאד said...

The Guardian has a great article about the lawsuit against the bicycle lane in Brooklyn. It quotes my letter in full (but anonymously).

http://www.guardian.co.uk/environment/bike-blog/2011/mar/09/new-york-bike-lane-cycling

leroy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
leroy said...

This morning, I dodged a jaywalker in the bike lane on the south side of First Ave and 34th Street. Then on the north side of 34th, a woman about to step into the bike lane shouts at me that I have to obey the lights.

The thing is, I had the green light.

Depressing.

Almost as depressing as trying to find a parking spot in Manhattan when meeting friends for dinner.

I wonder if they have these sorts of problems in downtown Tripoli.

mander said...

Snob, I just wanted to add to the chorus of congrats. This is an outstanding post.

ce said...

Part A: Scathing
Part B: Scathing and hilarious
Part C: Left wondering what bamboo smells like

Twistyface said...

Funny and educational: As a Brit, I had no idea that Hyundais represent the US establishment. Scary.

LK said...

Yuppie car. It's too bad he didn't get a Chrysler Le Baron.

Charlie Didrickson said...

Whew! Those boys must be exhausted after that epic 6:00 minute bike race.

Pontius Pilate said...

HAIL CSZR

-P.P.

Yokota Fritz said...

Dear Matt,

Wooden bicycle chain.

Best regards.

Green Idea Factory said...

Juice box! And some Jello chocolate pudding.

Anonymous said...

Ah, the satisfying sound of skitcher crunching beneath the rear wheel of my Buick!

Anonymous said...

Four Horsemen riders:

You epitomize hipster douche generic clueless children. And if you're going to engage in an "alleycat", maybe pick something more interesting than going STRAIGHT DOWN 5TH AVE the whole way. Wow. Fascinating to ride, if you're a transplant idiot I guess.

Anonymous said...

i think i love you.

Rob said...

lovely fucking post. the new yorker writer is a schmuck. and i love the new yorker, full disclosure.

qifa said...

hello, bikesnob. why do you have to be such a hatter? I know that many hipster fixie rider ride their bikes without regards to other people's safety but i too ride a fixie bike because it is simple, i used to ride a mountain bike but when u ride that kinda bike everyday to commute, it's a pain in the ass to make sure that the parts work properly, so i ditched the mountain bike and got a fixie. i've been reading your blog for a while and i can sense tht you have some sort of spite towards people who own fixed-gear bicycles. why, i wonder? i swear i havent been riding like an idiot since i got the fixie and i've tried my best to adhere to existing rules for cyclists. no being a killer salmon, no red lights running, no zip zapping in the traffic, no riding on the side walks and no reckless riding and most importantly, no being a total idiot. i need it to commute to work. why oh why, bikesnob? you're making me feel bad with all the negative reviews on fixed-gear bicycle riders. yeah, i hate wannabe bike messengers but i respect those of them who work as bike messengers to earn a living.

Anonymous said...

I come from the past, and have chosen this forum to make my ONE comment about the Sideburns effect.

His Mum is scared to death of cars, and would sit in the backseat crossing herself and gasping this phrase: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nEuyYiUictQ
in traffic.

That's right, as a youngster poor sideburns was not allowed a bike whatsoever!

I kid you not.

Not so anonymous, but ever grateful to be EX-Mrs Sideburns.

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Fixie Bikes said...

"Of course, "soul patches" aren't as common now as they once were"

Thank God.

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