Friday, January 28, 2011

BSNYC Frida Fun Kahlo!

Riding bicycles in New York City, or indeed anyplace, is nothing new. In fact, people were doing it even before there were cars on the roads, way back when the Model T simply referred to Henry Ford's hairstyle. Only recently, though, has the city set about implementing a large-scale bicycle infrastructure, and we are now feeling those growing pains--the most recent pang being the current bicycle crackdown:

Like many New Yorkers, I would still ride my bike if there were no bike lanes. In fact, I'd still ride my bike if I was forced to use a p-far and the streets were surfaced with flesh-eating Jell-O. However, I also don't think riding a bike in New York should be unreasonably difficult. In fact, I think it should be as easy as possible, and while I think the crackdown is ridiculous I'm also more than happy to sacrifice some of that old-fashioned New York light-running, lane-splitting scrappiness so that a normal person can decide to buy a bicycle and ride it to work. After all, if I want to take physical risks and push the limits of my fitness and bike-handling abilities I can always race or ride my bike in the woods.

Not all New York cyclists feel this way, though, and some argue that all this municipal bike lane noob-coddling is doing more harm than good. A member of the Twitteroni recently steered me to the following interview with a local shop owner that encapsulates this view:


Do you think the bike lanes are making cycling too accessible? Should some people who don’t have the chops just not ride?

Yes.

This is an elitist standpoint.

Yeah, but I do feel that way. The problem now is that everyone is learning how to ride in the city at once. I think the turn of the century is the one time that’s closest to now in terms of the number of bikes in the streets and in the way the public perceives them as a nuisance. Things were getting so bad back then that Sears & Roebuck made a gun and a gun-mount to go on your bicycle.

I respect Jeff Underwood as I do any hardworking bike shop owner, and I see his point, but also don't think it's possible for cycling to become too accessible, and I find this an odd position for a bicycle shop owner to take--especially when the shop is a relatively new one and owes its existence to the very bike boom its owner is decrying. I especially think all the people out there who think they have "chops" are the reason non-cyclists in New York find cyclists so annoying. If cycling in New York City is not allowed to become accessible then it will remain the death metal of transportation--a stylized and redundant novelty with a limited appeal and a veneer of danger that seems exciting when you're in your teens and that you're over before you're 40. Plus, this style of riding is not exactly for everybody:

What’s the most illegal thing you’ve ever carried on a bicycle?

Like the thing that would have gotten me in the most trouble? I don’t know because I used to be a bike messenger for a Mafioso guy. The guys I would work for would wait for days to pick up from me, so I’d have all this money. Then when they would come they would give me a week’s worth to distribute to all the guys, so I would take a backpack full of $50,000 to $70,000 worth of weed to public housing in The Bronx. But then again I’m thinking whether I would have been in more trouble for carrying 50 bundles of heroin or a 9mm. Which would have carried the most jail time?

Talk about putting all your Wednesday eggs in one basket. Admittedly, I'm not really up on wholesale marijuana prices, but I would imagine that $50,000-$70,000 worth would be a bit more than you could fit in a backpack and would probably require at least a Big Dummy to "portage."

After reading this interview I wanted to know more about Jeff Underwood, and I found another one on Gothamist from 2009:

This one featured more of his cycling background, which despite his apparent disdain for the bike boom is essentially concurrent with it:

How did you get into bikes?

I moved to New York in 2000, started walking, taking the subways, and I thought it was the most ridiculous thing in the world. I was getting blisters on my feet. So I got a bike, which was silly because I got a 1969 Sting-Ray Schwinn. About six months later I got a road bike, which I converted to a fixed gear. I quit my job—I was working in social work—and started doing messenger work. I thought it was the New York experience, somehow.


Though back then, he liked that accessibility:

What do you think of the bicycle resurgence in this city?

I think it's awesome. I don't care why they're doing it, I'm just glad that they're riding. Of course I'm going to say that, because I'm making money from it, but I also think it's really awesome to see people riding bikes, and really getting into it, and knowing about bikes and knowing what chain stays are and seat stays and seat tubes and angles and just different things. I think it's really cool that people are into it.


I agree. I also agreed with many of the things he said in this interview, though not his post-hipster views on brakes:

When I'm on a road bike I'm going twice as fast, I'm doing dangerous things, there's a false security of brakes. Most people who are going 20 miles an hour and hit their brakes are going to wreck. On a track bike or a fixed gear, if you're going 20 miles an hour you're hauling ass, and you're looking ahead, you're looking behind, you're looking everywhere, and immediately when you see something happen, your brain triggers your legs and you start to slow down and you start to look for the out. On a road bike you think you can stop but you can't.

There must be something really wrong with my road bike--it stops with precision, even at 20mph.

In any case, I'll say again that I respect Jeff Underwood, and I only mention his interview in the spirit of healthy debate and because it is indicative of the current state of cycling in New York City. Continuum is one of the many new shops that have opened in New York along with the bike lanes, and I hope to see the entire package--the public infrastructure and the private businesses--continue to flourish. That might involve sacrificing some of our coveted street-credulous rogue outlaw status, but personally I'm all right with that.

Speaking of cycling and legitimacy, I recently received one of those Critical Mass emails:

Bike People!

Tonight is Manhattan Critical Mass, 7pm Union Square North. It may be my last for the forseeable future, as the repressive climate in NYC is simply too much for my sensitive soul right now.

I'm not sure if this means it will be the last Critical Mass, but if so this seems like a perfect time to retire it, since it finally seems to have fulfilled its goal of turning public opinion and police action against cycling in New York City once and for all. Maybe once it's gone we can get back to that daily critical mass known as "commuting."

Having bloviated long enough, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right then that's fantastic, and if you're wrong you'll hear a spirited wheel testimonial.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and for safety's sake don't use your brakes at 20mph or you'll crash (duh).

--BSNYC/RTMS



(Wow, another theme ride--must be a day ending in "Y" in Portland.)

1) The latest Portland theme ride is based on which TV show?

--"Portlandia"



(Wow, another theme ride--must be a day ending in "Y" in Portland)

2) What's the next big Portland theme ride?






(forwarded by Bicyclepaper)

3) The above is an example of a:




4) Via a reader, the above photo appeared in an article published:



5) Fred Schneider of the B-52s is starring in bicycle-themed PSAs now.





6) This garment forwarded by a reader, is marketed as:



7) Artisanal fire pits are the new artisanal axe.





***Special "I Have 57 Things And A Clue Ain't One"-Themed Bonus Question***

(Hipster philosophers with matching haircuts: Diesel and American Apparel is the new sackcloth and ashes)

Um, so, uh, minimalism? Like, yah? Really? Yah?

--Yah, totally.
--Shurrr.
--It's like, we're making statements? But like, we say them like they're questions?
--Like, all of the above maybe?


151 comments:

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

No comment.

Anonymous said...

is cycling good for my hangover?

theEel said...

podium!!!!

Anonymous said...

allez les bleus!!

ringcycles said...

Quiz me!

Nogocyclist said...

Not last again.

Meh...

Eric Lowe said...

Freida be you and me

Og LoneWolf said...

top Ten!!

FTW

Anonymous said...

pelaton

Marcel Da Chump said...

juust can't climb anymore. 47 year old legs.

ABELGUS said...

GREAT! GREAT!

Anonymous said...

Getting there

Anonymous said...

Not Gamester

CommieCanuck said...

Hop in my Big Dummy,
it's as big as a whale
and it's about to set sail!
I got me a Dummy, it seats about twenty
So c'mon and bring your jukebox money.

The Love Shack is a little old place
where we can get together
Love Shack baby! Love Shack bay-bee!
(Love Shack...Love Shack...)
Love Shack, that's where it's at!

Kenny Banya said...

Could have been a contender, but my new VeloNews app hogs all of the bandwidth...

samh said...

"Maybe once [Critical Mass is] gone we can get back to that daily critical mass known as 'commuting'."

AMEN, AMEN, AMEN, Snob!

Portlandpeopleeater said...

"When I'm on a road bike I'm going twice as fast, I'm doing dangerous things, there's a false security of brakes. Most people who are going 20 miles an hour and hit their brakes are going to wreck. On a track bike or a fixed gear, if you're going 20 miles an hour you're hauling ass, and you're looking ahead, you're looking behind, you're looking everywhere, and immediately when you see something happen, your brain triggers your legs and you start to slow down and you start to look for the out. On a road bike you think you can stop but you can't." Sorry to quote the whole thing, but dicing it up doesn't give the full effect of stupidity. Sorry Snob,maybe you have to say something nice about this dude, but I don't. What a tool.

ringcycles said...

5/7 but once again aced the bonus.

Who knew there was a hipster Steven Covey?

Title of the forthcoming e-book: "The occasional behavior of pseudo-successful people, or whatever."

2 videos and 3 blog posts in an unstructured day! he's on fire!

ant1 said...

ant1st!

I am an angry engine said...

"the repressive climate in NYC is simply too much for my sensitive soul right now."

Meh, Sometimes you just wish some Bike people would get a pair, man up, quit having sensitive souls, and poor brakes.

Fight back, tell you friendly police officer, just what you think, more impressive if 150 people at once told the bloated a-holes what they think.

Now is the time for more critical masses.

Down with the Man.

Robert said...

Related to bike lanes and cycling infrastructure, today's post over at Cycling Inquisition is worth reading. Bogota = enlightened; NY = Dark Ages

PCLA said...

Brakes don't stop bikes, people do.

Stupid Name said...

"When I'm on a road bike I'm going twice as fast, I'm doing dangerous things,"

Douche bag, take away this guys interbike guest pass, Owning a road bike does not make you dangerous.

Being stupid makes you dangerous.

By the way, Bitch of a quiz, keep it up snobby.

Nogocyclist said...

Riding without lights = Riding without pants. Wow, that is a stretch.

If a person is riding without lights, I would assume someone needs to warn them. It would not be that big of a deal. On the other hand, if I saw someone walking around town in their tighty whiteys I would assume their caretakers need to find them before they get hurt, or else someone having an affair just escaped with their life.

I don't want to act like a "pig", but I must say it is different for women. If an attractive lady riding in those leggings was riding in public, it might not be normal, but who would complain?

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

$200 bucks is little bit easier pill to swallow for today's artisanal fire pit compared to $1200 for the one from the best made spin off the other day.

I use one I bought about 15 years ago for $80. These things are the ends off old lp gas tanks so they really are recylcled/ repurposed. And they do last forever. Mine is not nearly as fancy but more fuctional as it has two handles three legs welded on.

One of the problems with this type of burner is indeed the shadow cast around the diameter of the pit. Firewood, empty beer bottles, etc become trip hazzards. Once certainly would not want to fall into the sharp pointy artisanal flames ringing that thing in a drunken stupor. Let alone the 3rd degree burns.

I guess none of this matters if you live in a big city and don't have a back yard.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the snow tires reply yesterday.

Wanna know what impotence feels like? 1 inch almost slicks on a moutainbike these last couple storms.

Marcel Da Chump said...

Underwood's claim that riding brakeless fixies makes one a more aware rider is pretty irresponsible, especially for a bike shop owner. You should be totally alert regardless of the type of bike your on. Riding a track bike at a high speed is meant to take place on a track, period. I think all you get is a fall sense of bravado when riding brakeless in traffic. There's also the risk of hurting innocent pedestrians. I plan on a getting a track bike to ride around a resevoir at sunrise
with few cars or people around. And yes, brakeless, but with a gear ratio that'll limit the speed.

GWFTSLHFM* said...

I'VE ABOUT HAD IT WITH LUKEWARM KARLs!

DEMAND THAT YOUR NEXT HOT KARL BE HOT! NOT TEPID! HOT!


*Guy With Face That Smells Like Human Fecal Matter

crosspalms said...

Minimalist firepit=votive candle
sassy modesty=Frilly's new modeling career

Aced the bonus, but I was worried for a minute there that Ev and Gwen were going to get hit by traffic. Memo to philosophers: put down the camera when you cross the street.

xyxax said...

Mister 20mph needs a brake for his mouth.

g said...

crosspalms,
that's funny, I worried for a minute that they wouldn't get hit. I have avoided his rants but this has got to be the stupidest thing I have heard in a long, long time. What the fuck was that supposed to mean? Accidental productivity? What kind of fucking moron can't manage to not do anything? I really want him to go away.

Anonymous said...

Why the repetitive statements of respect for Jeff Underwood? I don't recall subjects of previous posts getting the kid-glove treatment.

mikeweb said...

How could we get outfoxed at the line today by some dude on a recumbent?!

I blame Fred Schneider.

Anonymous said...

I think bikesnobnyc is giving Jeff some respect because he understands how hard it is to run a bike shop and make a living off it, given the terrifying abyssal margins that such places operate at. Snob has worked at a bike shop.

Either that, or possibly bikesnobnyc loves weed and so he respects anyone who hauled 20 pounds in a pannier.

L Ron Everett bogue is the worst thing that's ever happened to the Internet. I bet he reads this site daily.

Anonymous said...

I'm still amazed no one wonders how it's possible for Argentenian bees to follow a cyclist down the road 2 km without their bag.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 1:42pm,

Because he's a local bike shop owner I disagree with, not a day-tripping hack like that Robert Mackey from the NYTimes.

--BSNYC

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

We've been over this before. Aerodynamic advantage. That's why they banned them from racing back in the day.

It's a conspiracy.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 1:48pm,

I suspect the video was mislabeled and he was actually being chased by an assailant who was trying to administer a Hot Karl.

--RTMS

Anonymous said...

Everett Bogue, cyborg and master of the new technologies of the web, who has to disable comments everywhere he posts something because he's such a fucking tool.

Terre Haute Karl said...

I like this guy's theory that lack of safety features makes people more careful. Might I suggest that all cars be manufactured so that the driver dangles out in front of the (now superfluous) front bumper. I'm sure everyone would slow down and drive a lot more carefully.

Anonymous said...

Tilford doesn't need quizzes and hipster videos. He posts dog pic's and his dogs are really cool.

Evbogue said...

Wrong, I disable my comments because I don't want other minimalist writers and consultants to be jealous at how much trim I get. Fuck minimalism, fuck minimalists.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Recumbent Conspiracy Theorist @1:24pm,

Look again, $200 was just for the shipping, the price was $1,049.

I bought three.

--BSNYC

hillbilly said...

OOh, Mackey, I hated that dude, and the Schluffer too, really hated him.

Evbogue said...

Oh yeah, and don't forget to buy my book! It will change your life, losers.

Pete Mitchell said...

How do we like kick "Ev" out of the People's Republic? Like does he fit-in in my Boulder hometown?

LIKE LIKE

ervgopwr said...

@EvDouche 1:55

Please be the ultimate (fuck) minimalist and end you presence on the intertubes or on earth. Praise Lob.

You're giving my name a bad name. Insufferable tool, etc, hispter, bad haircut, scarfs, etc, etc.

At least change it to something where terrible is a given, say George Bush...

Paul Bowen said...

"Adding comments has been disabled for this video."

You don't say.

Canadian Karling Team said...

7 for 8 on the quiz! Bold!

Truly an "EPIC" Carcake!

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Great Bowls of Fire Lobsterfest and clam bake at Snobbie's.

Matt said...

I got Portland's next theme ride question right! I was there in 2008 for their Worst Day of the Year ride. Worst Day of the Year? It was friggin' 50 and sunny. That's a nice day in April here (Twin Cities).

On the other hand, as of last night, you New Yorkers were 0.25" ahead of us in snowfall for the season, so I'm not feeling quite so proud of our bad weather chops. Still, even if I only owned 57 things, one of them would be a snowblower.

Anonymous said...

Road bikes have brakes. I fucking love them.

CAMPIONE CYCLES CALGARY said...

As a former messenger now bike shop manager I empathize with Underwood. Working in a bike shop makes you sullen, bitter and cynical. I think it has something to do with being around bikes all day and not riding them.

Personally, I resent bike lanes. I do not want to be told where to ride and they are covered with snow and gravel for at least half the year anyway. But coincidently before I started working in the bike store I was totally for them.

Working in a shop... Its poison!

Anonymous said...

Normally I laugh my ass off when I read this blog, today I just got pissed off at that shop owner / everett joker

UberFred said...

Bikeshop owner has no credibility with me just because of that stupid soulpatch.

Anonymous said...

It's Friday????

crosspalms said...

Fred Armisen has the right idea about bike lanes: if I'm riding here, it's a bike lane. 10 feet please.

On my commute I see pedestrians do this all the time, too. They carry personal crosswalks (which only they can see) and fling them across the street whenever and wherever they like. Brakes come in handy.

Anonymous said...

Assuming he's not just exaggerating to burnish his hipster cred, dude was not a messenger, he was a drug traffiker.

g said...

@233,
To be very accurate, he was a drug mule.

EEDD said...

Holy God today's post was full of assholes....first this soulpatch old guy and then these two fucktard 'philosphisersss?'
I couldn't even make it to the part where they almost get hit by a car.
Is he for real or is this all an elaborate hoax making fun of that type? I can't tell.

OBA said...

I'll second Snobby on that sentiment - Jeff's a good & hardworking guy, but them are some silly things he's quoted as saying.

cheva said...

What's that bog boy whatsisname going to be like when he grows up?
Just talking hypothetically.

Anonymous said...

wow the continuum cycles guys is serious douche bag poser, he makes the 57 things guy look earnest.

I want them both dead. not literally, well maybe...

Anonymous said...

Somebody please take a sledgehammer to Mr. Post-Minimalist's knees and save us all some misery.

CARC AKES

CommieCanuck said...

Underwood's claim that riding brakeless fixies makes one a more aware rider is pretty irresponsible, especially for a bike shop owner.

I disagree, it makes total sense, so much so that I'm having my local garage remove the "breaks" from my car. Driving without breaks makes me more aware.

Marcel Da Chump said...

Not a good idea to talk about any type of mafia dealings, especially to the media! If Underwood were to suddenly disaappear, he's eirther in cement shoes or in witness protection.

Anonymous said...

jeff LBSowner is hypocrite, an asshole and a moron (and a liar judging from his mafioso mule tall tale). He represents all that is wrong with with this whole stupid bike culture thing. The guy's been here and biking for just 10 years, he hardly qualifies as a sage on urban cycling. Just because he owns hard working owner of a bike shop, and has a soul patch, doesn't really give him free reign to be a tool. Hitler was pretty industrious as well, but still not a very nice person.

I am the mule engine said...

Where is bad lawyer when we need him.

It is against the law to knowingly transport drugs?

http://www.bu.edu/lawlibrary/facultypublications/PDFs/Simons/MPCMensRea.pdf

Jay-Z said...

57 Things And A Clue Ain't One

YESSSS

evbogue said...

@Anon 2.40

Since knees come in pairs, I only count them once. It's an indescribable feeling of self-gratification to consider my body more efficient than yours. Buy my book today, and I will let you fly me to your home, buy me a coffee, and in return I will tell you how your body could be less hideous than it is now.

Anonymous said...

@ Marcel

mmm, I have met "drug dealers" that fit that description. Moonlighters would be more accurate. I don't think you can go into witness protection for turning in your college dorm roommate.

grog said...

minimalist and poser should never visit this blog again
FUNK WIZZ

Anonymous said...

I kept hoping Gwen and Ev would accidentally get hit by a passing car.

Anonymous said...

http://minimalistbusiness.com/forever-guarantee.php

Money back guarantee!!! I dare somebody to buy this.

Marcel Da Chump said...

"On a road bike you only think you can stop but you can't." I get it now: this is IRONIC HUMOR DAY.

I'm on smartphone. Could someone insert a Steven Wright
video?

Joe said...

Oh man, did you look at 57's profile. He only has 11 friends, the only recent activity is him liking his own videos, and there is only 1 comment of a guy mocking him. That is priceless.

I'm still pretty sure Minimalism is all a joke and 57 is nothing more than a practical joker, but its great to see almost no one is dumb enough to buy into the joke. It could have been a good joke but 57 overplayed his hand too quickly.

Cool The Kid said...

The greatest misfortune facing the city...

Not the shitty schools...

Not the mass of unemployed people...

Not the people locked in cycles of poverty...

Not the growing wealth/income gaps...

Not the people being displaced thru gentrification by enlightened individuals like Jeff the LBS owner...

But bike lanes. Fuckign bike lanes.

The lengths to which people go to bolster their sense of purpose through establishing themselves as victims is FRIGHTENING. This is a grown man, running a business at which he has employees dependent on him & customers entrusting him with their safety, with not even a shred of a sense of reality.

Incredible.

Bike lanes.

Marcel Da Chump said...

anon 3:22
I'm just going on the amount of dollars.
And if any of my college room mates had dropped dime on me......... Well, you know.

Just checking said...

hmmm

Anonymous said...

The dude who things he can stop faster using back-pedal force on one tire than using two brakes on two tires certainly doesn't have an engineering degree.

Matt P. said...

Underwood quick a job in social work so that he could mule dope into the projects for the mafia? He does not deserve respect.

bikesgonewild said...

...'wayne's world' used to be funny as hell but this edition was totally 'blah' (as opposed to 'meh')...

...besides, wayne campbell has really let himself go...

JarHead McTestosterone said...

Though it is hard to find in the night!

Minimalista pussy is minimally tight!

Anonymous said...

@MattP

These dudes are the product of a culture of permissive parenting. Nothing they do is ever wrong or bad. Every experience or decision is something to share and be proud of without reflection. Nobody is perfect, but some people think that they are. Deluded.

Anonymous said...

did you mean maximally tight?

Anonymous said...

Totally bogue-uss.

Anonymous said...

Did anyone else notice the distinct shape of the shadow of Ev's camera?

Terre Haute Karl said...

Jeff is like the people that move out to the suburbs, buy a big new house on land that used to be farm. Then complain about over-development and how every house built after theirs is ruining the area.

But I really dig the Aging Zac Efron look he is cultivating.

evbogue said...

You can still leave comments on my youtube channel.

Please give me your honest feedback!

http://www.youtube.com/user/evbogued

The King of Parkslope said...

Damn you Bikesnob ... you made me look at the hipster philosophers' video?

I Go Around and Around said...

I think that distribution of a controlled substance is a class A felony in NY, and that there is no statute of limitations on class A felonies.

I guess Underwood will find out at some point or another. Talk about brakeless.

bike curious said...

Ev-bog has advice for bloggers. They should be more "dimensional"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5OYv9Ya65Oc

bikesgonewild said...

...jeff underwood, you're certainly no everett 'bogus' bogue, thankfully but you sir, need to sit down & reevaluate so as not to make yourself irrelevant...

...your little treatise on the what constitutes intelligent policy as regards cycling accessibility & proliferation especially in relation to other sociological problems could use a rethink...

...education is the key...educate your public & help create a growing cycling awareness & we all benefit & you particularly as a shop owner...

...as far as your abstract reality of cycling vis-a-vis 'brakes vs no brakes' ???...wow...sorry bud but dogmatic hipster tunnel vision...major rethink...

...but hey, you run a bikeshop so props & i hope you don't lose 'the thread'...

...just sayin'...

bikesgonewild said...

...now we know whose futon couch everett 'bogus' bogue spends his nights...

..."oh, everett...you know i think you just so wonderfully intelligent but if we have sex, i just don't think i could handle the emotional baggage...i've already got, like, 57 other issues i'm dealing with...

..."love you, knew you'd understand"
...

...get away, gwen bell, get far far away...you're drinking 'the bogus koolaid'...

Matthew said...

I watched the whole video on "accidental productivity" and it made me so angry. I don't know why.

crosspalms said...

Matthew,
Take deep breaths.
Go back to the mat.
Watch this:
http://www.gwenbell.com/what-i-do
Get up off the mat.
Throw the mat out the window.

Mister Yabbie Pants said...

It could be that today's featured bike shop owner is just full of shit, like old Elron Douchebogue.

Just Stylong said...

Styling it in Cancun with Alexandre Vinokourov

http://www.chasingwheels.com/fashion/styling-it-in-cancun-with-alexandre-vinokourov#

Dig the Artisinal Tinfoil Sabdals.

Anonymous said...

Man, That Everette guy sure is afraid of comments.

Mike said...

Snob, you were kind to keep stating your respect for Underwood. I, on the other hand, wish to say that he strikes me as a giant douche. And, if you've ever been struck by a giant douche, you know how painful that can be.

At my advanced age, I find it easier than ever to reserve my rage for truly needy targets. I no longer become apoplectic about people driving slowly in the fast lane, for example.

And yet, the mere sight of Bogue's smug face makes me want to punch it and punch it and punch it and punch it.

g-roc said...

I got 100% on all questions not containing "Loveshack BABY!!!!" as a possible answer.

Brakes or no, we all like to conserve momentum, douche.

Anonymous said...

Underwood reeks of douche water, sure, but he's dead-on in one respect - the segregated bike lanes that the DOT is shoving down our throats, like it or not, are the worst thing I've seen, bike-wise, in my 25+ years of daily riding in NYC.

Janette Sadik-Khan thinks she's planting the seed pods that'll turn New York into Portland or Copenhagen, but I, for one, ain't going to sleep anytime soon.

It's only a matter of time before Bloomberg's third term expires, and with it will go JSK, the "floating" parking spots in the middle of the street, and the ridiculous green gutter lanes that they're FORCING us to ride in.

NYPD and DOT are on the same page with the current clampdown. JSK wants EVERYONE to commute on bikes... at 5 mph, with helmets, over in the gutter, and smiling while we wait for the light to turn green at empty intersections, lest the traffic-cams ID your mandatory cycle registration tags.

Some Guy in the Innernets said...

Outer Podunk seems kind of like an alright place at the moment. We have the occasional bicycle cop who goes all Barney Fife on you if you roll through an empty intersection on a red, but that's about it. They don't seem to ever notice all the pedestrians sauntering through the same intersections against the light, but for the most part the cops just stay in their comfy Crown Victorias and wait for something big to happen. I'm okay with that.

leroy said...

Accidental productivity?

Piffle. BTO took care of that business years ago.

"Look at me I'm self-employed. I love to work at nothing all day."

I give de minimalist D minus in de creativity department.

Ride happy all!

Anonymous said...

In all fairness to Jeff, he's pretty badass in the new Destroyer video. He walks in around 40 seconds after a bunch of girls audition for American Apparel.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pf-ONpLXzGs

Marcel Da Chump said...

"..immediately when you see something happen, your brain trriggers your legs and you start to slow down and you start to look for the out". Bike baseball?

Anonymous said...

man, 57 things guy really, really is oddly infuriating. that video just resonated of some "hip" company's stab at a viral marketing campaign. in full agreement w/ everyone who's mentioned how satisfying it'd have to be to see him get punched in his hip head.

Anonymous said...

The picture and link/article preceding question #2 are from Portland, Maine. There theme rides are not quite a "day ending in y" happening as in Portland, OR.

Anonymous said...

omg, i cannot fucking stand everett bogue. thank you very much for skewering him.

Ruthie said...

Jeff Underwood looks like one of those guys I think of as a Flamin' 8-Ball. These are pass-aggro types that wear collared shirts, spike or shave their hair, and listen to the music of other Flamin' 8-Balls. They may direct a music conversation around the psychobilly genre. Notable Flamers: Powerman 5000, Joe Satriani, your little sister's overly clingy boyfriend

Anonymous said...

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Mellow Yellow said...

How can we kill critical mass and how will that change anything?

bikesgonewild said...

...anon 5:05am...to be blunt: go fuck yourself, douchebag...

...your little attempt at trying to make your advertisement read like some warm homespun shit is disingenuous at best & reeks of crap, ya ???...

...what it really needs to be about is cultivating relationships with your local shop(s) by going out & meeting the folks, not assuming the internet/webs are gonna solve all your problems...

Anonymous said...

If that bike shop owner thinks fixed sans brakes is better than a bicycle with brakes, I fear for his customers. "you think you can stop but you cant" hahahahhahahahaha no no I can stop on a dime thanks.

Anonymous said...

i saw 57 things guy on the corner of Houston and Ludlow by Katzs deli awhile back and it was creepy because my brain recognized him from this damn blog but i didn't know where i knew him and we stared at each other awkwardly for a second....

yogisurf said...

I started out this morning saying I'm not going to do anything today! and suddenly found my myself reading Snobby's blog and lo and behold, yah, fursure, I was being accidently productive cause I feel in love with Alleycat Leggings, all right. And then, ya, kinda, I finally figured out the 'Crack' 'Down' logo, I'm a classic Fred dufuss for sure, yeah. Later.

ABELGUS said...

Jeff Underwood

Boring doper bragger - did this drug, did that drug, did this on drugs, did that on drugs - gee was I cool, blah blah

Anonymous said...

@ I Go Around and Around

That may be true but all the evidence has gone up in smoke.

Anonymous said...

*CAR FRO*

DRFT WEED

REBL RULZ

BIKE LANE

leroy said...

I know just what Mr. Underwood means.

My dog won't ride with me unless I have chops.

Or cheese. He likes cheese too.

jordanpattern said...

As a relatively new (big city) cyclist, I'm seriously grateful my bike shop isn't owned or staffed by people who think I shouldn't be on the road.

Maybe Mr. Underwood is an okay guy, but he sure comes across like a jerk.

PawnShop said...

Anon @2:58: Hitler was pretty industrious as well, but still not a very nice person.

WTF. Really? Comparing a bike shop owner whose biggest defect is self-defeating internal inconsistency, WITH HITLER?

Wow. Hate much?

Let me show you what The High Road looks like: Another commenter said of Jeff Underwood, "( I respect him ) because he's a local bike shop owner I disagree with...", while demonstrating beyond any reasonable doubt - with Underwood's own words, no less - that Underwood is a gibbering, drooling idiot.

Effective satire frequently gets to its audience on The High Road. Comparisons to Hitler never take that route.

PawnShop said...

Underwood's not only an idiot, he's a fakerjack. You do NOT talk about Mule Club.

Anonymous said...

http://flaminggarbagecansinhiphopvideos.blogspot.com/

Artisanal as f_ck.

Christopher Guest said...

So are "Exit Through the Gift Shop" and the Accidental Productivity duo actually mockumentaries like Portlandia? I'm confused.

Anonymous said...

It took me many years to realize that people do things largely for stupid reasons and then waste most of their effort in trying to justify those reasons in terms that can be most easily lorded over other people.

It seems so many cycling advocates don't really want cycling to become ubiquitous any more than they wanted their favorite obscure 'indie' band to go mainstream, or their scenester tattoos to become as prevalent as obesity.

I've had it with listening to what those cycling advocates have to say. Democratization doesn't mean anything when you don't want others getting the vote because then the vote won't be cool and you can no longer lord your voting ability over others. Oh the horror! Did you see all those noobs at the polling booth? They were totally misrepresenting the culture, man! I remember the good ol' days when I was all "HEY GET OUT OF MY WAY I HAVE THE RIGHT TO VOTE" - now everybody is voting. Yeah I'm kinda over voting, though.

If I were a billionaire I believe I would pay every member of the GOP to ride a bicycle daily, thereby singlehandedly destroying cyling's 'cred' and at the same time legitimizing its utility to the assholes that hate cycling in the first place. Now that's smugness well spent.

Anonymous said...

Anon 6:02,

Ahhhhh, sage. Please publish a newsletter and sign me up immediately. Scenester tattoo reference was especially prescient. I think I'm falling in love with you.

wishiwasmerckx said...

I was under the misimpression that I was actually pretty good at stopping quickly on my fully-braked road bike until Mr. Underwood corrected me.

Anonymous said...

@6:53 apparently you can catch me on 60 minutes.

Marcel Da Chump said...

Thought about checking out Underwood's shop and maybe getting into a little Monty Python scene:
me: I like that road bike over there. What kind of brakes are on it?
Underwood: Brakes? If you have chops, you don't need brakes
Me: I beg your pardon, did you say I don't need brakes?
Underwood: on a road by you only think you can stop, but you can't.
me: then, how do I stop?
Underwood: your chops, sir. Your chops

none said...

"Since knees come in pairs, I only count them once".

Anonymous said...

check out the west coast used parts market: http://orangecounty.craigslist.org/bik/2187687949.html

p.s. it's all mutilated fixed gear rejects and spares from swap-meet/landfill bikes.

Garmin 500 said...

hehe, funny!! cool quiz

David said...

Wow. That Jeff Underwood sounds like one smug asshole. I won't be frequenting his shop.

Douchely Doucheright said...

My Brooks leather douche bag is starting to crack and show signs of chafing wear. Any suggestions on how to mitigate and retard these proceeses?

Thank You in advance for your obvious superfluously exquisite smugness.

Douche Bogue said...

Put the pipe down. Change your underwear.

alex said...

the increased prevalence of coin slots seen whilst on bike is unnerving.

D. Douchwright IV Esq. said...

Douche Bogue

So. How do I know when I'm high?

Doctor Merridouche said...

If you must ask, you've overdouched.

Unhip Ol' Fogey said...

Is the best way to get people to shop at your local bike shop to tell them you are an ex felon? The guy was a felon whether he was ever convicted or not.

I don't know about everyone else, but that just inspires me to have faith in his business ethics.

Meh...

Ouch, it HAD to hurt! said...

Speaking of douchebags, years ago a young lady asked a female co-worker and myself for some advise on a particular female problem.

She was in the health and beauty aids section of the store looking for kerosene. Her grandmother had told her to douche with kerosene to solve a female itch problem she had. My co-worker, who worked in the Health and Beauty section, did not know where the kerosene was. The young lady acted shocked when I told her it was in hardware department in the paint section with all the other paint thinners.

Needless to say, it was the talk of the store for days after that. I may pull people's legs at times, but this time, I did not make this up, it's the truth.

Jason said...

Nice blog man. I have a blog myself, Flierguy.com,that shows free events New Yorkers can go to. I want to do a link exchange with you. Let me know if you want to, either by email or leaving a comment on my site.

Keep up the good work.

Jason
Flierguy.com

Mountain Bike Helmets said...

Biking is definitely one of the stress relieving activities. A lot of people are still biking not that it's only fun, but it also helps them enjoy simple things in life - the sun, the wind and the pretty faces they see when they're out biking. Thanks for sharing this great post!

Anonymous said...

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Samuel said...

6 out of 7! Missed the bouge-us bonus question though. Nuts.

Jason Brummels said...

Amen.

Pontius Pilate said...

HAIL CSZR

-P.P.

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Fixie Bikes said...

"you're looking ahead, you're looking behind" that's kinda impossible right?