Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Versus to Cycling Fans: "Go Puck Yourself"

As someone who has lived his life almost exclusively on a flat terminal moraine, I have long been taken with the California coast, which resembles an enormous green burrito that has been torn in half lengthwise. I also enjoy bicycle racing. Naturally, then, I was particularly enjoying watching the Amgen Tour of California on Versus yesterday evening, as the stage took the riders along the chunkiest, most succulent section of the burrito from San Francisco to Santa Cruz. The cerulean Pacific; the verdant forests; the mellifluous voiceways of Phil Liggett and Paul Sherwen; and the people kiteboarding along the race route in the middle of a Tuesday afternoon because they don't have jobs all came together in a "collabo" of bike racing bliss. Then came the climb--Dave Zabriskie, Michael Rogers, and Levi Leipheimer managed to escape. I was on the edge of my bean bag (I have replaced my sofa with a giant bean bag) as the trio barreled into Santa Cruz, and then, with about 3 kilometers to go--



Hockey. Or, more accurately, pre-game hockey. Really, would a five minute incursion into the hockey time slot have really made that much of a difference? When you need to cut something off, and it's a choice between the very end or the very beginning, it seems to me that the latter is almost always the wiser choice. (The exception is circumcision--in that case you should always cut off the end.) As it was, it was like watching an erotic movie, only to have the big sex scene suddenly replaced with "Larry King Live." Even Lance Armstrong was upset:

We haven't seen Armstrong "tweet" this angrily since that whole Tony Kornheiser incident. Indeed, Versus did not spare cycling fans a second of Armstrong's mid-race bike change and subsequent leisurely ride back to the peloton, but apparently they figured we wouldn't mind missing the ending of the stage and simply told us to head over to our computers like this was some sort of media biathlon. I guess Armstrong will now have to get into every single breakaway for the rest of the race. This will ensure we never miss another ending, for I'm sure Versus are contractually prohibited from cutting away from him.

Sure, I realize that I could just as easily be a hockey fan lamenting the fact that a bicycle race interrupted my sport of choice, but the fact is that even when cycling doesn't get interrupted they don't air the entire stage (not like I'm complaining, mind you--only Californians and striking Europeans can find five to six hours a day to watch bike racing), and it seems like they could have sacrificed just a few minutes of "mullets on ice" to bring us the final moments of our already-abbreviated coverage.

Of course, what Versus really needs to realize is that cycling is more than just a game--it's a "culture." I mean, we had our very own summit and everything! "Bike culture" is without a doubt the most influential culture the world has seen since the Mughal Empire or the Ming Dynasty. When I plug the term "bike culture" into a popular search engine, I get stirring images like this:
But when I do the same thing with "hockey culture," all I get is this:

Since I'm not a hockey fan, I have no idea what they're doing, but I'm guessing the red one is helping the yellow one tie his ice skates.

Speaking of "culture," when that word pops up you can be sure douchery will ensue, just as you can be sure that your Versus cycling coverage will be interrupted when it's time for the hockey game. For this reason, my douche-detecting radar (or "douchedar") began pinging when I happened upon this article in The New York Times:

I have nothing whatsoever against chefs, or marijuana, or chefs who smoke marijuana, or restaurants, or delicious food, or really any of it. What does bother me, though, is what happens when these so-called "cultures" sometimes say about our actual culture and the way in which people tend to "buy into" things:


We've already seen the "zen simplicity" of the fixed-gear become the $2,000 urban runabout. We've seen the simple cup of coffee become the 12-hour five Japanese slow-dripper bukkake "epic." We've seen the "Saffron King" pedal his Specialized Globe to a downtown "speakeasy" and drink a $15 cocktail. Now, we can add to that the concept of "high-end snacking" and the "haute stoner cuisine movement."

It seems to me that, if marijuana has anything to teach, it's that you can take pleasure in pretty much anything. The mundane occurrence suddenly becomes a source of laughter; everyday scenery seems beautiful; the heretofore unwatchable movie is transformed into a masterpiece; plain food and beverage seems delicious; and so forth. Having been afforded this new perspective, perhaps you come to realize how much your perception and attitude shapes your experience, and how insignificant the differences between material items really can be. And just as you discover you don't need special items to make you happy, you might eventually even find you don't necessarily need intoxicants to alter your perspective, and that indeed your perspective is something you determine yourself. At that moment, you're free, for you have found the key to happiness, and it is contingent on nothing but you.

Or, alternately, you can keep "like four or five different types" of marijuana in your refrigerator at all times, eat designer hot dogs, and, instead of just eating a bowl of cereal, chase the rarefied delight of "a dessert based on the slightly sweet flavor of milk at the bottom of a cereal bowl" by going to Momofuko.

Not that there's anything wrong with any of that--it just strikes me as a tremendous pain in the ass. The popular idea of "culture" seems to involve constantly refining the "lowbrow" experience, and I'd think and hope that at a certain point people would grow tired of constantly chasing the dragon of douchery.

Speaking of getting carried away, it seems the entire city of Portland has united to find a stolen folding bike:

This is without a doubt the highest-profile folding bike theft since "ANTgate." Obviously, I hope they get their bike back, and I do think it's great that people are helping, but I also can't help being amused by the self-conscious wording of the APB:

In Portland people report "transients/homeless people," whereas in New York we say, "I just saw some crackhead on your bike!" Anyway, I'm sure with so much goodwill it's only a matter of time before the bike is recovered, and I look forward to the moving documentary film that is almost certainly already in production for next year's Bicycle Film Festival.

Speaking of politically incorrect language, some people refer to inverted road drops as "bum bars," and a reader has recently informed me that (in what as far as I know is a first in the bicycle industry) one manufacturer called Bohemia Cycles is now offering this cockpit configuration "stock:"


They also offer what may be the shortest-ever stem on a production bike:
I've seen longer stems on p-fars.

While these setups may seem ill-advised, you can rest assured that Bohemian Cycles has indeed given them long and careful thought:

Handlebars, stems, seat posts and other components receive the same attention to detail.

Yes, thanks to this painstaking attention to detail, you now buy a brand-new bicycle equipped with what Portlanders call "transients/homeless people bars."

Still, while restauranteurs try to recreate the taste of milk that has been sitting in a bowl of Froot Loops, and while bicycle manufacturers try to sell designer "bum bars," there is simply no substitute for the real thing. This is why the best cockpit setups occur naturally on the streets, such as this absolutely mind-bending arrangement spotted by a reader in London:


It looks like the mandibles of some horrific insect:

This is more than "attention to detail"--it's outright delirium. Let's see Bohemian Cycles sell that.

154 comments:

Anonymous said...

BILLY

mikeweb said...

Not Vino

le correcteur said...

Podium! Maybe?

le correcteur said...

Podium! Maybe?

Anonymous said...

top ten!!

theshepherdsdog said...

top ten

theshepherdsdog said...

wow, what an achievement

wishiwasmerckx said...

Top ten.

grog said...

PUCK YOU!

g said...

PUCK HARD
PUCK DEEP
PUCK VS!!

Anonymous said...

Tapper Top 10!

Fingerbang Assistant said...

Crappy sprint, missed top ten...

ken e. said...

non-plussed!

leroy said...

Blame Canada.

I heard Versus hired the Mckenzie Brothers to do the commentary for the ATOC's next stage.

Fred said...

Top 20 Fred

Vuck Versus.

Shu-Sin said...

TWENTY MEHs!

brian said...

Early safety bikes had shorty stems like that. Not saying it's a good idea..just saying.

ant1 said...

ant1st!

Johnny Redballs said...

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/bik/1747441815.html

Check out this ad.

le correcteur said...

Snob,
I finally figured it out! It's the combination of the delightfully insightful couched in the most colloquial, verging-on-crude language that provides us readers with our daily dose of BSNYC! The below's a wonderful example:

Not that there's anything wrong with any of that--it just strikes me as a tremendous pain in the ass. The popular idea of "culture" seems to involve constantly refining the "lowbrow" experience, and I'd think and hope that at a certain point people would grow tired of constantly chasing the dragon of douchery.

Oh, and my apologies to all other reader who realized this long ago!

le correcteur

Anonymous said...

been following T of C in webular form:
http://tracker.amgentourofcalifornia.com/
streaming, yes, but no commercials. Hope this helps!

Fred said...

Dear Versus.

Perhaps you never took high school English. Here's a re-cap.

The key to any narrative is closure, the bit that comes at the end.

cf. dessert, orgasm.

Got that, fuckwits?

Anonymous said...

Bum Bars are called DWI Bars in Upstate NY.

Astroluc said...

un-win!

Daddo said...

Wednesday....what a great day! everything seems seems better on a Wednesday - I wonder why?

what was I talking about again?

Leaving for Italy tomorrow. Of course I'm bringing a bike.

huh?

Anonymous said...

"you might eventually even find you don't necessarily need intoxicants to alter your perspective, and that indeed your perspective is something you determine yourself. At that moment, you're free, for you have found the key to happiness, and it is contingent on nothing but you."

That's hilarious! happiness WITHOUT intoxicants! you almost had me with that one.

McGrath said...

I too, loved the quote le correcteur called out...

The popular idea of "culture" seems to involve constantly refining the "lowbrow" experience, and I'd think and hope that at a certain point people would grow tired of constantly chasing the dragon of douchery.

Thanks for blowing the whistle on this shizzit. We're fussing about marjiuana flavors when the ohter half of the world is starving.

Anonymous said...

the Amgen Tracker is the future of sports broadcasting. It also includes some stuff that television broadcast have never sought to incorporate: reletive speeds of break/peloton, power outputs/speed of inidividual riders. Even the text ticker is actulally knowledgable and witty. With no ads. Superb.

hillbilly said...

hey, why is anon 1258 using my name? stalker? way to go mikeweb. great stuff snob, that was puckin ridiculous.

Pontius Pilate said...

HAIL CSZR

-P.P.

Bad Lawyer said...

I did my Tour of California in 1972 as part of my "Viet Nam 'Era'" military service. Serious Amgen v. Giro, Amgen v. Giro? One is a pharmaceutical-powered bike race and the other is a pharmaceutical-sponsored company bike ride.
BL

Anonymous said...

If the other half of the world had ready access to marjiuana, they would really be starving.

g-roc said...

Wow, that prototype looks suspiciously like a Brompton. Look out crackhead, you're riding a knock-off.

ant1 said...

daddo - lucky bastard.

Buffalo Bill said...

The topological complexity of the bars on that limey velocipede is inspiring. Note the off camber mirror placement and use of multiple tapeways. My quantum physics is a bit rusty, but I'm curious what would happen if you could get that baby up to 88 miles an hour?

Dave said...

As opposed to Anonymous 1:27, I thought the line about happiness was very deep, very profound, man.

Though that could be the Wednesday Weed talking.

When talking of Hockey Culture, it's important to note that it is often indistinguishable from Canadian culture. So in this case, maybe there really is Hockey culture.

And the red one is just helping his yellow friend find a seat.

db said...

...and I'd think and hope that at a certain point people would grow tired of constantly chasing the dragon of douchery.

Sorry, Snob, that's a marvelously worded but naive hope. History is littered with the results of said pursuit.

Makes that fixie trek to the pyramids more ironic, though, doesn't it?

Anonymous said...

Bohemia and Bohemian bikes (bohemian cycles) are distinct. Both celebrate a certain kind of refined retro-grouchery, but Bohemian doesn't have any weird and obvious handlebar hangups

Emily said...

It's not "transient/homeless person" anymore. Now it's urban outdoorsman.

Isolation Helmet said...

Having missed last nights coverage of "The Tour of California featuring Lance Armstrong" I am happy to hear that I would have been annoyed by the coverage if I did watch. I also heard that they didn't bother to cover most of the sprints or hill climbs either. Like the fact that Dave Znuts is is the lead!

g said...

Emily,
Prior to the Olympics in 1996, the Gubment in ATL (that's pretentious for Atlanta) tried to relocate all the homeless to lesser popular parts of the city and actually called them "urban campers" in writing. For the record, it didn't work.

Matthew said...

+1 on "chasing the dragon of douchery" as the day's best line.

Speaking of Kornheiserism, check out this buuulllllsheeeeeit: http://voices.washingtonpost.com/crime-scene/josh-white/md-cyclists-crash-suffer-injur.html

waxmouth said...

Cross-cultural pollination:

I want to mix 'restaurant weed culture' with 'hockey culture' and enjoy the fruitful happy fat sloppily stoned hockey fights that ensue.

Paul Bowen said...

What g-roc said. They've taken a (short wheelbase I think) Brompton and done things to it - added some sort of stem (I think? hard to tell), mounted the front brake behind the fork, fitted a triple chain ring and presumably a front mech, they've changed something at the rear of the drivetrain too, hard to tell what but it doesn't look standard. So yeah, if it all works, some interesting work there. I have to say though that I've seen similar mods in the past but usually the owners were happy, indeed proud, to say that their bikes were Bromptons that had been dicked about with, rather than "prototype one-of-kind" and "the key to their future business".

FAUX LDER

Dusty said...

Just noticed that the Bohemia pictured only has one brake, and it's the rear.
I figured those upside-down drops would be a good training-aid for learning how to modulate your front brake – like reverse wheelie bars ;)

Keith Hearn said...

I was watching the ToC from work (in California, believe it or not!) on http://tracker.amgentourofcalifornia.com/ so I didn't get it cut off. Boy, that was a lousy finish configuration. Nasty dogleg after a hard left with no room for a sprint at all. If there had been any sort of bunch at the finish, it would have been ugly.

That epic bar configuration looks like something Dr. Seuss would have come up with.

Anonymous said...

"replaced my sofa with a giant bean bag"
Read beans? Black eyes peas? Other?

"transients/homeless people bars"
AKA "Graham Obree bars" in Europe.

Cause I like you,
Yeah I like you
And I'm feeling so Bohemian like you

wishiwasmerckx said...

One of my all-time favorite jokes:

Q:Why do Canadians like to do it doggie-style?

A:So they can both watch the hockey game.

urchin said...

I hate to say it, but Universal Sports has now really passed VS in the cycling coverage.

Sure, they replay the same obscure race hundreds of times. Sure, the announcers routinely cycle through seven different pronunciations of any given Italian word. Sure, they will misidentify stage winners for minutes at a time.

Despite this, they show large chunks of the race (without stopping for soft-focus clips about various famous racers), they don't say the same basic things about race strategy over and over, and they don't have a LA obsession, at least not such an obvious one. Maybe this is because they can't get the rights to broadcast anything he's in anymore--another advantage!

Gave up on VS weeks ago.

NPJ

roomservicetaco said...

This man was a transient in the Northwest. Let's hope if they catch him as the bike thief, the police don't try to shave him with a straight razor.

BeL said...

Usually in the Northwest we say, "I just saw some tweeker riding your bike!" Also, flipped road bars = tweeker bars. Where we lack crack, we make up in meth.

debichan1a said...

milk sitting in fruit loops. you must be talking about momofuku in the east village.

frilly said...

Puck! I'm on the ATOC website trying to watch the race & there's no video. So they're not showing the Sierra Road climb?!?

Anonymous Coward said...

Snob, the post was sublime.

Since Disgruntl Ed. seems to have taken a break:
As someone who has lived his [life] almost exclusively on a flat terminal moraine.
&
For this reason, [my] douche-detecting radar (or "douchedar") began pinging

Anonymous said...

those mirrors are perfect, pointed sideways.

Passed pedestrians can get a view of themselves minds-blown, jaw dropped, eyes spinning.

Anonymous said...

Verus could have twittered or tweeted the last mile. That would have been equal to the quality being delivered via the TV.

Anonymous said...

Looks like the insect bike has a "foldable" trekking bar. In the first picture you can see the pivots and what seems to be some kind of locking mechanism on the ends of the handlebars. Maybe the setup with the mirrors is too wide to park safely/efficiently, so the handlebars get folded, kinda like some fighter jets on aircraft carriers. Still trying to figure out the purpose of the red extension on the left bar, though...

3G said...

speechless

Koba said...

Don't worry, Versus' coverage of hockey is equally horrendous. And I say that not as a "curator" of "hockey culture" but as someone who spent adolescence in the junior league "sin bin" and breaking every window of my parents' garage with tennis balls.

DZ NUTS

Anonymous said...

Yuppies will NEVER grow tired of constantly chasing the dragon of douchery.

Anonymous said...

BSNYC,

Your post today was very refreshing. Can you condense it into 50 words, print it in gold leaf, and sell it at a high end book store? Just kidding.

Seriously though, your musings are quite a relief from all the other crap out there.

Luke said...

I'm not as interested in bike cockpits as the Snob, but: Holy shit! That specimen from London is amazing. I can't even make sense of how it is used.

CommieCanuck said...

One of my all-time favorite jokes:

Q:Why do Americans like to do it doggie-style?

A:So they can both reach the chicken in the bucket.

Lance should keep away from Canada, TV cuts away from anything to watch some hockey puck scratch his nads, all Vershit is missing is a homophobic TV commentator with a loud jacket, like this asshole.

TDF, Giro, Paris Roubaix, etc. None of this appears on CDN TV, we'd rather hear about how many stitches player A inflicted on player B last night. The beautiful sport.

CommieCanuck said...

One of my all-time favorite jokes:

Q:Why do Americans like to do it doggie-style?

A:So they can both reach the chicken in the bucket.

Lance should keep away from Canada, TV cuts away from anything to watch some hockey puck scratch his nads, all Vershit is missing is a homophobic TV commentator with a loud jacket, like this asshole.

TDF, Giro, Paris Roubaix, etc. None of this appears on CDN TV, we'd rather hear about how many stitches player A inflicted on player B last night. The beautiful sport.

CommieCanuck said...

That specimen from London is amazing. I can't even make sense of how it is used.

It's obviously used for riding and distillation of mineral spirits.

ringcycles said...

Snob: the London cockpit is the rare "preying mantis" handlebar-way. Lob help us if Frilly every gets a set of those. We'll all be trying to race out of the feed zone, like Fred on a charity ride hearing noises in the bushes.

And where is CC when we need expert comment on hockey culture?

Tony I said...

Take off with your bum bars, eh?

Anonymous said...

... could the delerium bike have a chinrest?
... Crackheads make better neighbors than tweekers
... I love fried chicken.

Stupid Name said...

Considering how non-angry Lance was after Kornheiser gave the non-apology apology.

I suspect Versus will just run some more Budweiser commercials, and all will be well.

Did Lance ever go for a bike ride with Kornheiser as promised?

The new york times on top of the news again, I guess they don't remember the 60's, or the 70's or the 80's or the 90's. Never walked into a Kitchen, or never watched Bourdain.

Print is not dead, it just has ADD.

Koba said...

To further collapse your brain:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vdxpfCilA3s

All-Star Boston Bruins defencemen and "hockey culture" ambassador Zdeno Chara ("Kilimanchara") promoting bike culture

p.s. Chara doesn't ride fixed because he fixes your face.

CC: Propagandhi rules but some fixters out there could take a note from Coach's Corner and "keep your head up, kid!"

and to be ironic, Go Habs Go.

Miss Muff said...

Watching the race on Versus was like having sex for am hour but never quite reaching orgasm.

Stupid Name said...

Aw shit it is Wednesday Weed day, and I cant find my kitchen.

I did see a clown bike, and am staking my future on it.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

"Mullets on Ice" So funny. Great post Snob- Thanks. "Mellifluous" Wow, had to get the dictionary out for that one. Lastly radar does not ping sonar does. Radar is silent.

honkybucket said...

Wouldn't the rider of that bum-bars set-up have to be like 12 feet tall to brake without inverting his hand?

yogisurf said...

The London bike, with its mirror set-up, is modeled after the Mod movement which was popularized in the Who’s Quadrophenia. That does not make it any less dorky.

CommieCanuck said...

Snob, you need to fix yor Google, when I serch "hockey culture" I get:

this.

and this.

Hockey joke:

Where are you from, son?"

"Canada, sir," the boy replied.

"Well, why did you leave Canada?" the manager asked.

The boy said, "Sir, there's nothing but whores and hockey players up there."

"Really!" said the manager. "My wife is from Canada!"

The boy replied, "No shit??? Who did she play for?"

Anonymous said...

in the spirit of canadian v U.S. doggy style jokes I just curated this one:

why do Canadians like to do it doggy style?

it's the easiest way to fuck another guy in the ass.

hiyooo!!!

CommieCanuck said...

Anon 4:13, Thanks for that expert insight into male-male anal sex.

ervgopwr said...

I feel left out on the rage expressed at VS because I don't have cable and can't watch TOC.

So; GRRR!

I can/do have US and catch the Giro though, but would like to see them cover talk about the TOC, just like all other sports talk about what's going on in their various leagues etc, not just the game/race at hand.

SHRT STEM

URBN OTDR

wp said...

please don't confuse "bohemia cycles" with "bohemian bicycles"-who is dave bohm in arizona, a man who builds beautiful frames.

yes, this point needed repeating.

dave will build a bike for *gasp* gears and everything!

Anonymous said...

CC,

sorry, I just couldn't resist an opportunity for lame juvenile anal-centric humor.

thegock said...

CRAK HEAD

mikeweb said...

@ervgopwr:

To watch ToC, click here. No cable TV needed, only high speed internet.

The live video should start at 5:00 pm PST. This is how I watched it live yesterday without having to watch hockey in the last 2 km.

frilly said...

Hmmm, they do sort of look like pincers, don't they? The better to get all Marzio on your asses!

Anonymous said...

I am expecting a decrease in burrito deliveries to the transient/homeless after such bad press.

Anonymous said...

ANOTHER shout out Finland?!?! Snobby, methinks you are a closet Finnophile...

Anonymous said...

i'd like to see if those eyewitnesses could tell the difference between "transients/homeless people" and your average PDX hipster.

Livingjetlag said...

All you Haut-ers Switch My Broadcast!

Vegas said...

I believe that Londoner with the severely odd cockpit is Tony Stark's ride. It is obviously a fold-out, and the Iron Man colourway really gives it away. You can notice in the first pic the seams on the dual stems where they rotate, plus the female connection on the left one and male on the right. Like a peacock, though, we need to see this proud bird's plummage fully extended to experience it's resplendent beauty in totality.

>Yer Puck Here said...

And now, back to hockey!

Salty Seattle said...

Home sick today, and guess what's on Versus right now: The Tour of California. (Okay, actually a rider profile of Lance Armstrong--no, I'm not kidding.)

When I first switched it on, they were showing the finish of yesterday's stage, instead of an episode of 'Whacked Out Sports'. I guess they were making up for the sin of airing 'Whacked Out Sports'.

About last night-

I got home at my usual, slackerish hour, and was sad to see that I had missed the evening coverage of the Giro, and the end of the Habs/Flyers game. Sad. But, there was still time for the 'late night' re-runs. Nice. TOC at 8, Giro at 9--evenings are great for a cable-watching west coast cyclist right now.

In addition to the mockery of cycling, that Snob described though, the 8 o'clock showing was pushed back to a mere half-hour special at 9:30.

Sadly, I passed out during the second intermission of the Western Conf finals, and missed all of yesterday's racing. Maybe that's what made me ill.

That or it was brought on by the beard-induced, hormonal overload.

Go Sharks!

and about the hockey coverage-

Yes, the Versus intermissions are for changing the channel, as opposed to the Don Cherry show over at CBC. They did get Mike Emrick to call the action, and he's the best in the biz, imho.

Down with the Flyers! (The knocked the Rangers out, and therefore, must be crushed.--You never forget your first hockey-love.)

[done bogarting.] passing the duchey now.

Sigurd said...

Top 100! That stolen bike is a Brompton clone, and no mistake. I got one, deceptively heavy for its size. Good luck with selling the design, I believe Brompton has a crack airborne-commando lawyer team they deploy in such cases. The Londonese bars were probably fun to rig up while on drugs, and even more entertaining to ride with - while on drugs.

BUSH PILOT

don't mind if i do said...

go phuck myself

prolly said...

"I know him pretty well and he's a solid dude and has been riding bikes for a long, long time for whatever thats worth."

true id said...

is carl lafong

red neckerson said...

why does canadian fellers do it doggie style?

becos their dogs already gots bad hemroids and will bite there dicks off ifn they gets anywheres near them

prolly said...

People always hate on cyclist's attire from both ends... Let's look at this constructively.

-If you're doing an actual ride. Like a training ride, or anything over 30 miles, wear proper attire, it's more comfortable; shorts with a chamois, wicking shirt, gloves, whatever.

-If you're just cruising around the city, riding to work or heading to a bar / coffee shop / party / orgy / etc, there's nothing wrong with wearing jeans, shorts and a tee shirt.

Cotton sucks after 20 miles though...

April 30, 2008 3:51 PM

agent detroit said...

we call bum bars "el toro" in detroit

wishiwasmerckx said...

Check yourself...

wishiwasmerckx said...

Before you...

wishiwasmerckx said...

Wreck yourself...

wishiwasmerckx said...

And...100th.

rihanna's panties said...

I'm going to ride my p-far to the hockey game. Maybe Lance should try a p-far--then he could use the big wheel to just roll over those downed cyclists that, irony of irony, helped him get the same time as the winner, even though he had no chance of winning. I ask you, where else but in cycling does that sort of official generosity reign supreme?

I am the engine said...

http://bicycledesign.net/

Bicycle culture has been co-opted by Land Rover by not designing a bike. They made students design it for them, and then put their name on it.

Fucking brilliant. Is it wednesday weed day yet?

Jefe said...

I like hockey, but Versus's sad coverage does not justify interrupting a Cat. 5 race. South of Lake George, we don't even get the option of switching to watch Don Cherry's ridiculous outfits on "Hockey Night in Canada."

Sam said...

Let me be the first geologist to applaud sentence 1. read this guy and learn, bishes!

Anonymous said...

Looks like the one-of-a-kind stolen prototype looks pretty much exactly like a Brompton with a derailleur system.

Anonymous said...

the whole paragraph "it seems to me that, if marijuana has anything to teach...." is more zen then any fixed gear and damn fine writing!

Anonymous said...

Glad to see I'm not the only one who immediately thought "Brompton!" when seeing the picture of the Rubin's stolen "prototype."

Anonymous said...

Not only does Prolly have a terrific blog, apparently he has a friggin time machine...

"Cotton sucks after 20 miles though...

April 30, 2008 3:51 PM

May 19, 2010 6:26 PM"

I could sure use that on the sprints, and win w/o using drugs!

Oh btw was anyone else reminded of The Who's album cover with the scooter of many mirrors when looking at the claw handle barz??

Fergie said...

I rock a matte black ano Hutch Trick-Star on my P-Far.

And it is indeed longer then that dinky one.

PawnShop said...

The London bike is thought-provoking. Anonymous@2:56 is correct, the two halves swing back & connect together. It's the world's most elaborate zero-extension stem. I suspect the red contraption is an iPhone mount or some such. Maybe a Droid that the rider sets on Popular Search Engine Street View while he rides. Maybe a bizarro harmonica holder. Definitely the ride of a Lone Wolf - Lone Wolves dig choice of hand positions. White sneakers optional.

P & S said...

Hutch Trick Star rules the day - Woody Itson for president - isn't everyday hockey day in Canada

dizz hicks said...

go phuck yourself woody!

ron wilkerson said...

where's the REAL McCOY?

josh white said...

PHUCK eddie fiola!

prolly said...

KISS MY ACS ROTOR.

martin aparijo said...

I was RAD in the credits.

rl osborne said...

I WAS RAD.

female ass slider said...

I was rocky's wife's daughter and jesse biiitch on full house AND eddie fiola and martin aparijo doubled for me when i taught homeboy (not Club aka spike jonze freestylin circa 86) how to skywalk.

mad mike said...

i ruled HELL track before hell track was prolly even a wet dream in the big shitty. phuck prolly!

MR. Han said...

ALoHA. GO PHUCK YOURSELF!

spicoli said...

I knOW that dude...

...and he's a solid dude and has been riding bikes for a long, long time for whatever thats worth."

SCORPION said...

DO YOU BELIEVE IN HEAVEN ABOVE?

DO

YOU

BELIEVE

IN

LOVE?

prolly said...

i was wondering if i could trade in my GT factory leathers and this 20" for some mishka gear and a BROoklyn frame. You got any pegs?

can't wait until cruisers are fixed...

all tatted up, burnin' down the w'burg on my fixed cruiser, breh.

i've revodouchinized this miska phuckah!

Anonymous said...

For real. And that's AFTER they couldn't put together a decent inclement weather plan. All of this JV bullshit has made me realize something else: Phil Liggett and Paul Sherwen have nothing to say. I hope someone tells Sherwen that our Civil War was in the 19th Century, not the 18th Century.

Ben said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
bikesgonewild said...

...4:00am thursday morning, east coast time & bgw has gotta say "fuck hockey, versus, religion & just about anything else you wanna wrap yourself around, 'cuz...
...mr floyd landis has a few things he'd like to reveal to you !!!
"...

...don't choke over the morning coffee, kids !!!...floyd's layin' it out on the table...

A-1 Accupressure said...

Versus dudes, may your next massage NOT have a happy ending.

bikesgonewild said...

...wishiwasmerckx said...
"One of my all-time favorite jokes:

Q:Why do Canadians like to do it doggie-style?
A:So they can both watch the hockey game."
...

...ahhh, wiwm...that's not a joke in canada...

...just sayin'...

cyclegoddess said...

"...it just strikes me as a
tremendous pain in the ass." God, I love you Snobby!:D!!!

Funny, that man could have ordered legal smart drugs( like Piracetim) online for 20 bucks but no. Thats too 90's. We want ILLEGAL drugs, that arent GOOD for you,'cos its COOLER. What a wanker.

Speaking of that, I havent watched Lance at all yet. Must be something wrong with me this week:(

cyclegoddess said...

Im guessing that Pom bike has a curling iron and a hair straight-ner.
Possibly, looking closely something to prop open the door of the garage.

Happiness without intoxicants is easy , anon. Its called 'sex', preferably with someone you love. Or not.

Anonymous said...

I'm wondering what the Team SpinStrong email says to write about this morning? Can you tell us Snob?

Anonymous said...

F. Landis speaks it all out, enjoy...

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748703691804575255410855321120.html?mod=WSJ_hps_LEFTTopStories

and

http://sports.espn.go.com/oly/cycling/news/story?id=5203604

I´ll stick to weed when riding.

g said...

Why is it that with a Grand Tour and the last major American tour going on, cycling gets zero mainstream press coverage? A has-been cheat with an axe to grind and limited book sales confesses to something we all already knew and all of a sudden cycling is everywhere? Oh well....

I'm gonna go buy a boat.

Jonah Gibson said...

"Having been afforded this new perspective, perhaps you come to realize how much your perception and attitude shapes your experience, and how insignificant the differences between material items really can be." = inspired social commentary. Thanks

John said...

Good...

http://toolscatalog.blogspot.com/

joe the plunger said...

john,

if your linking ability is a reflection of the work youve done on your blog then...go phuck yourself.

Anonymous said...

Maybe the quadruple-decker elevated part in the center of the "mandibles" is to mount an umbrella?

CommieCanuck said...

F. Landis speaks it all out, enjoy...

All that hate for those corrupt French labs that Armstrong chamois-sniffers have been spewing for the last 5 years? All those conspiracy theories against Landis? Never mind.

Greg Lemond was right!

frilly said...

I read a comment on CN (possibly, can't remember) that Levi had served a doping suspension in his career. I had not heard this before, has anybody else?

gih said...

Haha, that's great. I hate that game, I rather enjoy riding my bike to the city and back.

Anonymous said...

http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/ap/tx/sports/7014091.html

classic fodder title

Anonymous said...

Just desperately hoping that the Snob's usually accurate bullshit detector is working properly in an area where he's almost always wrong: doping. For some reason he thinks this is a joke and is utterly oblivious to reality: all top finishers in stage races dope. Looking forward to Thursday's post. Don't be wrong this time Snob!

P & S said...

DWI bars is a riot
Cepie Mays and Dizz Hicks forever

justin said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
justin said...

Worst part of the NY Times article? LA cyclist Rick Darge was interviewed recently by a reporter - very excited about the opportunity to promote cycling and culture in LA. Was never told the subject of the article and ended up being quoted about sitting on the curb. Stoned.

Bryan said...

Hilarious!

http://atlanta.craigslist.org/atl/bik/1748572945.html

Anonymous said...

It has already been written three times but I'll repeat it for the lazy. The Londoner bars are fold out handlebars in their collapsed state. You can see the pivots and connector quite clearly.

canajun said...

test

Mr.Kc said...

LOL? Puck you!

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