Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Creature Comforts: Let's Get Serious

If you're reading this blog and someone else hasn't printed it out for you, chances are you use the "Internet." And if you use the Internet, you're no doubt aware by now of two major news stories. Firstly, actor Corey Haim has died. Secondly, a popular search engine company has added bicycle directions to its widely-used mapping function.

With regard to the second story, upon hearing it I immediately tested out the bicycle direction-giving thingy by plugging in an oft-traveled route of mine, and I was presented by three meh-inspiring options, one of which seemed to include my mounting an inconsiderate and possibly illegal assault on the pedestrian paths in Brooklyn's Prospect Park. As far as the first news story goes, actor Cory Haim was of course the star of the 1988 film "Licence to Drive," along with a young Heather Graham, who spent the bulk of the film passed out in the trunk of a Cadillac. In fact, the name of Graham's character in the movie was "Mercedes Lane," and it just so happens that streetwear enthusiast and fixed-gear freestyle impresario Prolly recently alerted me to a Mercedes advertisement starring a local bike messenger by the name of Austin Horse. The plot is the tried-and-true "bike races car in an urban environment" storyline, and here is Part I:



Generally speaking, I'm not a fan of Mercedes automobiles, for the entirely subjective reason that I find them "douchey." Even so, I enjoyed the video since it seemed not to take itself too seriously and was also corny in a sort of endearing way. More importantly, even though it was an advertisement for an expensive luxury car, it was at least straightforward about being an advertisement for an expensive luxury car (this is what used to be called a "commercial" back in Corey Haim's heyday) and wasn't some kind of creepy "viral" ad designed to fool you like that one with the guy who gets the glasses tattooed on his face.

Really, the only problem I had with the advertisement was the Mercedes driver's route choice. Basically, they're racing from Harlem to Fulton Ferry Landing in Brooklyn. Naturally, the messenger drops straight down through the middle of Manhattan, but the driver for some reason decides to take the Brooklyn Queens Expressway:

This seemed like a very bad idea to me. Not only is he traveling out of the way, but he's also bound to get caught up in the eternal congestion at the Kosciuszko Bridge. Then, once he gets through that, he'll soon find himself at a standstill again, since he probably plans to exit the BQE at Cadman Plaza and on a weekday the traffic backs up all the way to Wythe Avenue. Instead, he could simply take the FDR:

Even though traffic is generally sluggish around the RFK Bridge (formerly the Triboro), he'd probably be fine as long as he gets on below where the "Black Cherokee" mounts his installations:

Or, traffic lights notwithstanding, he could spare himself the crosstown trip altogether and take the Henry Hudson Parkway to the West Side Highway and then straight through the Battery Tunnel:

Anyway, it's precisely the sort of logistics driving in New York City requires that often makes the bicycle a much better option, and it should come as no surprise that the driver loses to the messenger. (An outcome that would no doubt have been the same regardless of the driver's route choice.) Here's Part II, in which the driver gratuitously uses the vehicle's creature comforts while driving from Manhattan to Brooklyn via a circuitous route to the accompaniment of a languid saxophone leitmotif:



In the end, the advertisement makes its point effectively: If you're in a big hurry, ride a bike; If you're very wealthy, slightly "douchey," and you value comfort and ass warmth over efficiency, drive a Mercedes. It's basically "The Tortoise and the Hare," but with the twist that the tortoise actually loses yet is totally fine with it, and it's an outcome with which neither cyclists or Mercedes-coveting douche-aspirants are likely to have much of a problem. In its own way, the advertisement is actually pretty honest.

Specialized is similarly honest in this video, in which they present their Stumpjumper 29er to the Dutch, though unlike Mercedes I'm not sure the point they actually make is the one they intended to make:



In the video, we hear from designer Robert Egger:

Who has this to say:

"It's very important to have a bicycle that looks very sexy, it's very important to have a bicycle that looks very fast. So, our job as designers is to make bikes that look fantastic and make bikes look like people want to jump on and ride them."

Is it really that important for a bicycle to look sexy and fast? Anyway, why does this even take work? "Sexy" is certainly relative, but pretty much any race bicycle is going to look fast, since the properties inherent in a race bike are the ones that imply speed (aggressive position, lightweight components, and so forth) and if you're one of those people who thinks speed is "sexy" then the "design" aspect is basically going to take care of itself. Anyway, here's the sexy, fast-looking 29er:

Did it work? Well, it's hard to say. According to the video this 29er mountain bike with a multi-geared drivetrain and suspension fork weighs about 20lbs, and I'm pretty sure such a bicycle would be a lot of fun to ride. However, this bike also costs over $6,000:

As a cyclist interested in performance bicycles, I don't doubt the bike performs, but this price becomes very difficult to accept when a designer from the company has just explained to me how much time and effort (and presumably money, since I doubt he works for free) they put into making sure the bicycle "looks very sexy" and "looks very fast." Really, it just makes me want to say to Specialized, "How much am I paying for the 'sexy and fast' look? $1,000? $5,000? What if I don't want to pay for design? How much will you knock off the price tag if I decline the 'sexy and fast-looking' option and just take the performance?" I mean, you wouldn't pay $2,500 for a Langster with a $2,000 headset top cap--you'd say "Give me the bike for $500 and keep the top cap." So why shouldn't you do that with the design?

Of course, making their top-of-the-line 29er cost $6,100 makes the $3,300 version seem like a bargain--which it really isn't:

Basically, you have an option of a cheaper bike with "lesser" equipment but all the design, when you should really have the option of a cheaper bike with the same equipment and lesser design.

I guess what this whole "sexy" thing comes down to is that some companies believe that, in order to make us want to ride bikes, they first need to trick us into wanting to hump them. Essentially, it's a big bait-and-switch operation. First, we see this "sexy" thing we want to hump, so we leap on it. Once we're on it, though, we realize it's only a bicycle, and by then it's too late so we figure we might as well ride it. (Plus, most bike shops have a strict "You hump it, you own it" policy.) Then, as so often happens with things we want to hump at first sight, the lust gradually cools, and by next year they've released an all-new model with a bunch of sexy lumps in all the right places, and the cycle continues. In this sense, the definition of "design" is that it's the art of making people want to hump things that aren't actually fuckable, thereby fooling us into purchasing things we don't really need.

Speaking of things we don't need, the New York Times has just published an article (complete with kuckle tattoo graphic) about how the city is "finally taking its coffee seriously:"

I could not disagree more strongly with this article. The truth is we used to take our coffee seriously; now we're starting to "bullshitify" it like Portland, Seattle, and San Francisco. Consider this:

Some of the obsessiveness may get a bit off-putting. Want an espresso to go at Ninth Street Espresso? Forget it. The baristas there believe it should be drunk immediately from a warm ceramic cup. Want a cappuccino made from single-origin beans at Kaffe 1668? Sorry, you’ll be told, but milk would overpower the subtle flavors of the coffee. Wonder why the barista pulled and tossed out two shots of espresso before she served you yours? She was making sure it was perfect, the coffee evenly tamped, the water temperature ideal for the particular beans, the timing just right. (The best baristas will “dial in” throughout the day, tasting the espresso and adjusting the grind and dose.)

Hey, there's nothing wrong with fancy coffee (just like there's nothing wrong with fancy cars or fancy 29ers) but if we really took our coffee seriously in New York we'd still be purchasing it for pocket change and drinking it from paper cups on the way to work. Turning the drinking of a beverage that wakes you up in the morning into a lifestyle is the complete opposite of being "serious." It seems to me that if you want to sit around all day doing nothing except obsessing over the plant you're consuming then marijuana would be a more appropriate choice. Coffee is for working; "Wednesday Weed" is for not working. In that respect we should be copying Amsterdam and not Portland.

Nevertheless, I suppose coffee is no different than bicycles in that people need to make it "sexy" in order to sell it. Consider the description of Blue Bottle Coffee in Williamsburg:

I have no idea what "five Japanese slow-drippers" means, or why you need them to make coffee. If anything, that sounds like something you'd need to make a bukkake film. Then again, I have never experienced the pleasure of driving a Mercedes GLK while leather seats warm my ass, single-origin Japanese slow-dripped espresso warms my cockles, and my feathery Specialized 29er hangs like so much toilet paper from the trunk rack.

I really should learn to take life more seriously.

142 comments:

Cat 4 said...

Doping works!

Rantwick said...

chipseal needs your help!

Anonymous said...

Podium?

Anonymous said...

Podium?

Anonymous said...

Top 10!!!

poole said...

podium, or at least top 10

San Fran Nan said...

All you right-wing bastards suck.

Fuck you.

singlespeedspinning said...

oh yeah

mikeweb said...

Too sexy for the top 10

Anonymous said...

Top 10?!!
Jou !!!

Anonymous said...

top 20!

edom bin lobster said...

i aint jouish

Lawrence of the Labia said...

DEAD HAIM

RACE BENZ

SEXY FAST

UHMP UOWN

SLOW DRIP

Fierce Panties said...

Pass the tp I made that top 29er.

mander said...

First real comment, and Top 20

plum said...

The bukkake reference makes it.

spiff1 said...

I plugged in my route home in the Google bike directions. I'd be shot dead after 200ft for riding through the White House grounds.

Anonymous said...

I owe it all to Wednesday weed

mikeweb said...

3 questions:

1. Could those Mercedes videos stream any slower? I watched a live stream of Tirreno Adriatico this morning without a hitch.

2. That would be the same Austin Horse who had his bike stolen then returned with the help of Twitter, as chronicled here yesterday?

3. Is Horse Austin's real last name?

Krupp said...

That Austin Horse guy must be the only bike messenger left in town - he was also featured in a NY Times piece earlier this week on stolen bikes. Or maybe he's the only one white enough to be presentable to the masses and/or the only one with a publicist.

You can also map your ride at the NYC DOT website.

I tried this on Saturday in going from Greenpoint to Pelham Bay. Instead of giving a sensible route like over the Triboro and then on lightly traveled roads south of the Bruckner, it suggested going over the Queensboro, up the East Side to the Willis Avenue bridge and then across Westchester Avenue. I took the Triboro but tried the suggested Westchester Ave. Mistake - that was city riding at its best: bad roads, lots of traffic with people making rights in front of you all the time, random peds everywhere you look (it's a big shopping street), construction, tons of lights and all this under an el! I took a different route going back.

ant1 said...

ant1st!

Rantwick said...

Snob: my surprise podium finish comment wasn't really directed at you personally... ChipSeal is a Texan blogger and cyclist who has been arrested and convicted of riding his bike. $325 in fines plus court costs. He is appealing those charges.

FeedTheJoe said...

...And now, playing the role of Austin Horse: Andy Sanberg!

Anonymous said...

Did anyone here witness the rider getting hit by car at 630 pm on Brooklyn side of Manhattan bridge after he ran the red light?

I passed him on the bridge on his left, called out "passing left" and just as I got level with him he spit over his left right into my face. I was going so fast I kept going as we were just about to arc downhill. On the circular ramp I slowed way down hoping to catch him and engage him in a polite fucking conversation about spitting over your left shoulder on the manhattan bridge when there's six bicyclists behind you. I was fairly pissed, to be honest.

I waved at him and he took off, so I sped up to catch him, and again just as I got even with him as we were under the bridge I hit the brakes as I saw the red light and lots of traffic. He did not. He was looking ahead, trying to ignore me. And next thing you know gasps and a sound like a sack of potatoes dropping ten stories. His entire rear half got t boned.

I end up going over and having to help the dickhead who spit in my face as he's in total shock. He got banged on the knee by the car, it was pretty bad. He stayed in the bike path groaning until I got him to come up onto the sidewalk.

I tried to take a photo of the car but he had brushed them off as it was entirely his fault, car left. I think I remember license plate.

He refused help and insisted he didn't need a doctor. I'm pretty sure he did. He was bleeding a lot. I was so pissed and full of adrenaline and late for something important that I left. I know a few people passed us by. Did anyone see him after? Was he ok?

Should I feel like a dick for hounding his ass? DId anyone else notice that with the nice weather bicycle related stupidity has shot up 1800 percent?

YATE said...

SWEA RJAR

hillbilly said...

don't feel like a dick, you did more than many would do, and I totally agree with your last sentence, including, but not limited to, serpentining down the bridge, stop it!!

db said...

I really love it when you attack marketing, whether it's for bikes, cars, or coffee. All great points today.

Great idea, Specialized. Work really hard to make a fast-looking, sexy bike for the country that invented the Dutch city bike.

I am the engine said...

According to the book Fat Tire, by amici design.

"Concept bikes serve the same function for the bike industry that the haute couture runway shows do for the fashion industry. The ideas presented are often extremely eccentric and expensive, but often imbedded in the prototypes are innovations that eventually trickle down to the mainstream."

Just like fashion, which is just an excuse to sell sex while not showing breasts, and pussy, the definition of "sexy bike" or "sexy car" seems to have changed over time.

What has not changed is the ability to part people from their hard earned cash for status over function.

Sort of like putting a thompson on a scat. Somebody liked it, and appropriated it.

And sometimes one mans "fingerbang" is just another mans "punching the clown".

Paul said...

The bike versus car race through NYC is a rip off of the far more interesting race of bike v. boat v. car through London on Top Gear.

And where do you get that job at Mercedes -- sitting at a conference room just surfing the net on your lap top with fellow models, or just hanging out with a new luxury car waiting for driving orders from headquarters? I want to go to there.

Fred said...

Snob wrote: Coffee is for working; "Wednesday Weed" is for not working. In that respect we should be copying Amsterdam and not Portland.

But Snob, copying Amsterdam is what Portland does best. That and not working. So now I'm really confused.

Eddy Burckx said...

BikeSnob, you should sponsor a contest for a bike company video that uses the word "super" to modify every word (instead of a mere every third word, as in the Specialized). As in "we work super hard to make a super light and super sexy super bike. We come into our super job and drink super coffee while pondering super improvements we can charge super prices for."

ringcycles said...

Spot on Snob; once again Madison Ave is trying to convince us that the emperor really does have ultra rare and refined clothes on. Though, if I was leisurely driving a Mercedes GLK, I think I might enjoy riding around naked. The leather bucket seats might feel so much more luxurious on my bare ass.

Adam said...

Top notch post today, Snobbie.

mlliu said...

I ordered a nice, cone-shaped ceramic filter through Blue Bottle as they were one of a few companies I found that sold ones made in Japan as opposed to China. This Japanese maker also sells glass drip-brew contraptions like the ones by Chemex. I believe that's what the reporter must be referring to. It just depends on one's taste preference and disposable income. I guess there's no danger of you also claiming the mantle of Coffee Snob NYC.

Astroluc said...

the definition of "design" is that it's the art of making people want to hump things that aren't actually fuckable, thereby fooling us into purchasing things we don't really need.

no truer words... this is gold, baby... GOLD!!

And as far as the stumpjumper is concerned... I opted for the non crabon version at 1/5 the price.

Looked like a bargain! (compared)

Anonymous said...

"Does your bike have cupholders?"

Douche.

My Subaru has seat warmers and they're creepy. Feels like you took a steamer in your pants. I hate it.

Krupp said...

@Anon 1:12 -

Don't feel bad - it's natural selection at work. The best you can do is stay out of their way.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 1:35pm,

I've experienced seat warmers, though not in a Mercedes. Sort of nice but also sort of like wetting your pants.

--RTMS

PS: I think all the bikes have cupholders in Portland...

Anonymous said...

perhaps the bike route option is not for those in a big suburban hell-maze. Rather, it shows you how to get from Davis for example, to Bodega Bay without taking too many 4-lane highways.

Fierce Panties said...

anon 112

What Would Ghandi Do?

OBA said...

Snobby, I think those were "chair moisteners" and not seat warmers...mine are always nice & dry,
-OBA

Anonymous said...

why does the messenger dude have a shifter on the bars of his fixed gear?

cheva said...

By calling it serious, it's an easy jump to pretending it matters. From there, it's all lobby groups and grassroots action. It's all toys and convenience. We can live without it, many people do. 12 hours for iced coffee. how about 5 minutes for something drinkable. The barbarians are at the gates, but they look just like you.

Test Tickle said...

LOVE LOVE

LOVE LOVE

NOTF IGHT

balls.

frilly said...

Anon 1:35--The volvo has seatwarmers & I absolutely love them. I use them even in the summer, the heat feels super good on sore muscles.

Now, not to be naive but is that how bike messengers really ride in the city?

BikeSnobNYC said...

Frilly,

Only when they're being filmed, which is most of the time.

--BSNYC

Fingerbang Assistant said...

"You hump it, you buy it". Genius!

grog said...

A cup o joe every morning.
A bang o da bong Wednesday.
A pot o lobster on the weekend.

See Money said...

Smashing through and thru.

Anonymous said...

The Benz advert leaves some questions unanswered, namely:
1) What ratio was the bike messenger "palping"?
2) Does the languid sax soundtrack mean the Benz guy was getting road head during his trip?
3) Why the hell do they go back to the sax track once the two of them get into the Benz right at the end, and start warming their feet?
Guess I'll never find out. Unless they come out with Part III.

Jefe said...

Another example of a scenic, but indirect, route. The Safron King did the same thing - a gratuitous ride through Central Park to enhance the video. "You betcha." Now there's a real New Yoika ...not.

Anonymous said...

come on! that is friggen bike snob himself in that video! at least we know what he looks like now

Anonymous said...

that messenger went a little 'cross in the park

Pontius Pilate said...

HAIL CSZR

-P.P.

Anonymous said...

I recently had to meet someone at a local Starbucks. I ordered coffee and asked for it in a mug. The guy behind the counter (barista?) looked at me with the usual condescension and said, "We don't have any forhereware." So now, if I were ever to go back to Starbucks and order coffee to go, I would ask that it be served in "forelseware."

Ronsonic said...

Bike marketing is genius. You make a stupid expensive bike. Maybe you sell a few to people with too much money. The real benefit of having a $6000 bike in the line is that it will make every insecure douche wonder if the $2000 model is good enough and maybe he should just bite the bullet and spend $3K. Then he can feel wise for not shelling out for the expensive one and you still get to sell him more bike than he has any use for.

Anonymous said...

hahahaha! yeah, I think it is bike snob. The last time bike snob raced a Mini Cooper and from what I could tell he had the same Military issue glasses and...well I think anonymous is on to something.

hillbilly said...

Austin Horse is a messenger, Snob is not, Austin rides an orange BMW gangsta, Snob a Scattante...

Bad Lawyer said...

Wow, a wikipedia entry with an illustration for Bukkake, who would of thunk it? You see, Snob, Funk and Wagnalls really could not compete!

Anonymous said...

You know what? what are the odds that it isn't snob...snob is in his early forties, the messenger in the video is looking to be in early forties. The clothing, the glasses, the inflection of the messengers comments/dialog seem like the way snob would talk...20 bucks says it is snob himself getting some promotion. All I can say is "Right on bro'!"

Paul said...

After I've just gotten done hauling ass over 19 km (what is that in furlongs?) that very last thing I want to do is sit in a warm car, or anywhere else that's warm, especially one that keeps my legs and butt warm. Hot coffee is fine, but the rest of me needs to cool off.

It is an utter shame to drink straight espresso out of anything other than warmed ceramic, or to murder amazing beans by adding milk or anything else, but I feel the same way about any amber booze that costs more than $20 a bottle, and people do that all the time. Let the customer have it the way they want, and leave your snob on the internet.

hillbilly said...

I never understand what the car has to gain in these races, if it were to actually win, it's not like anyone would think it were due to the make of the car.

and yes, that's the driving route one would come up with if they wanted to be stuck in traffic.

murphstahoe said...

This just in from the land of blue bottle coffee - SFPD actually curates the arrest of a bike thief

hillbilly said...

stop it! it isn't snob! you have an ageway and that both ride bikes, stop it!

brother yam said...

Top Gear race across London can be seen here (part one). Watch all three parts -- it's a classic. Also search for the Top Gear race through Lisbon -- mountain biker vs. Peugot.

hillbilly said...

sorry, got a little excited, please continue.

hi everyone, nice showing Rantwick, mikeweb, frilly, astroluc...hello...where has bad lawyer gone?

brother yam said...

Crap -- bad memory (stay away from the Wednesday Weed, kids). It's a Renault vs. MTB

Anonymous said...

get friggen reaal! specialized can kiss my ass! who are they selling bikes to? women and queers? specialized builds bikes that are sexy???? fuck off!!! specialized builds bikes that break!

Anonymous said...

A fucking carpet fiber hardtail for $6100!?! Why don't the designers and marketing people at Specialized just cut to the chase and ask potential customers to tattoo "idiot" on their foreheads as a prerequisite to making the purchase. It would be more honest.

Acentuate the Positive said...

License to Drive = 1988

Anonymous said...

who else is convinced that bikesnobnyc lived in the NW in the 90s and probably owns a lot of Melvins albums?

Anonymous said...

Goddammit, Blue Bottle is from Oakland, not San Francisco.

ant1 said...

i went on a sub 20 degree mtb ride this winter. my friend's car had heated seats.

ANTL OVES
WARM TUSH

Frank Eeckman said...

seriously great

3G said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
3G said...

JAVA WRLD
BUKK AKE
DECA FSOY

x said...

why does anyone agree with your nonsense? before you post about the usual trendiness you move on to a big box company like specialized and their "design process."

I think your playing dumb, because you know that these videos are released for PR and so that people can see a more designy side of this bike company. Also your argument about how much something looks sexy or fast is inherently built into a bike... Yeah, that's not true at all. Look at the color scheme of say a storck carbon road frame and something like a tarmac. The logos and styling on both these bikes are so radically different. Everyone updates their logo to make the bike look more sleek and "fast." Even to people who know nothing about bikes you can tell that certain bikes just look faster and sexier than others.

Goddam, I'm so sick of hearing you bitch about shit. Don't fucking buy specialized if you think it's so gimmicky and expensive. ok 6k for a stumpy is a lot, but this racket has been going on for years, this is hardly news. Look at Zipp and their "philosphy" about why they charge 3k for a wheelset that you can buy from a Taiwan manu. for 800. It's about the complete package of brand identity, reputation, PR and marketing. Is this really, like a new perspective, or news, or anything? Everyone has been doing this kind of shit for millenia, in sports categories, sneakers, fashion, high fashion, furniture, software, anything and everything.

I daresay your using a mac/windows right now. Boom, countless billions in marketing and product design that you see no real benefit in. Clipless shoes. Boom, countless thousands in marketing and designiness that yields nothing to you.

Man I read your blog in my blogroll every morning, and when I get past these idiotic rehashings of the fixed gear world, I get to your quasi-informed insider industry critiques, and they are just garbage, and the only reason I'm posting is when a have a particularly large piece of garbage laying next to my coffee and bowl of shredded wheat.

ant1 said...

"Goddam, I'm so sick of hearing you bitch about shit. Don't fucking buy specialized if you think it's so gimmicky and expensive."

Goddam, I'm so sick of hearing you bitch about shit. Don't fucking read BSNYC if you think it's so idiotic and nonsensical.

Anonymous said...

Bullshitify and Bukkake in the same blog. Woot.

BikeSnobNYC said...

x,

I don't understand the part about the clipless shoes.

--BSNYC

SD friend said...

Well he wouldnt be much of a Bike Snob if he didnt bitch about bike shit now would he?

Anonymous said...

Never understood the hipster obsession with coffee. Isn't this the same crowd that makes a point of drinking Pabst? Sticking to that logic, they should be getting their coffee at 7-11.

ant1 said...

snobby - did you understand the rest?

Jefe said...

x 3:18, there's garbage next to your coffee and shredded wheat? Maybe you should clean it up. It's so sad you are forced to read BSNYC everyday, what with it being the only blog on the Internet. When are they going to fix that thing and add other sites? You should start one yourself. Your insights are are amazing.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Ant1,

Yes, he said a Specialized looks faster than a Storck.

--RTMS

Anonymous said...

That messenger can't be in his 40's. Anyone stupid enough to still be a messenger at that age looks like this.

Rick Donkey said...

"I'm so sick of hearing you bitch about shit."

I've been reading this shit the entire time?!? I want the URL of spoken-word version of BSNY/RTMS.

Anonymous said...

hillbilly-

Austin Horse uses the same foot-retention system as Snob does.

Case. Closed.

Rick Donkey said...

Ooopsie!! I meant BSNYC/RTMS.

rezado said...

These

bikes
look radically different.


Fast too!

thegock said...

WEDN WEED

Shaun said...

I get it now. Making a bike look sexy and fast is all about selecting the right color scheme and logo styling. Thanks x!

I must have missed something. What's RTMS? BSNYC's alter-ego or something?

rezado said...

I vote for the chicken-scratch version.

Comment Deleted said...

This comment has been deleted by the UCI.

g said...

x,
"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."
Albert Einstein

"Stupidity: reading the same blog over and over again, hating everything about it and expecting different results based on a poorly written comment."
g

poor mans bike said...

I'll kick every one of your mamby pamby 'sexy' bike riding ass's.

frilly said...

Honestly, I'm in awe, good and bad, of Austin. Admittedly, he does have some mad skillz, however he also has a craptacular disregard for traffic safety. And, altogether now, this is what makes drivers dislike cyclists.

And I'm feeling a bit slighted today, first Specialized, then seat warmers. Oh well, guess everybody takes a turn.

Anonymous said...

late in the day, so I imagine no one will read this (your loss) but two things about bottles:
1. New Yorkers make such a BFD about their bagels, I'm always surprised that they're willing to drink such crap coffee. Hype notwithstanding, I'm sure if you try Blue Bottle Coffee you'll like it.
2. Whenever I hear products described s "sexy" I think of the Australian beetle that faces extinction because the males frequently mistake discarded beer bottles for the female of the species, and thus waste their seed on inanimate objects. See link:
http://www.calodema.com/freefiles/285.pdf

Oldentard said...

"x" said "designiness?"

Must have been referring to the
Douche Swoosh

Anonymous said...

that was another clue I noticed...that foot retention system is only used by people who know it exists. And I'm sure people in the know know that snob knows about the advantages of that type of foot retention and would most likely be the kind he would use...are those Vans shoes? if they are then....come on!!!! I'm no Sherlock Homeboy, but??

Anonymous said...

hey! if you have never ridden in traffic on a bicycle you don't know how safe it can be. The most dangerous part isn't getting across roads where the drivers can see you out in the middle of the street. The most dangerous part is getting squished between two vehicles. A persons perspective on a bicycle while standing is similar to the perspective of a semi-truck driver or of someone driving a lifted off road truck. You can see so far ahead and are therefore able to predict(not always properly) what is going to happen long before it does...think of it as being able to read the Matrix like that K. Reeves

Anonymous said...

huh? think about wasting their seed on beer bottles? want to really trip? how about the number of Men wasting their seed on inanimate objects! Need examples???? I didn't think so!

Isaac said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Front brake on Austin's Brooklyn+
Front and rear brakes on Snob's Scatante=
Not Snob...
incompatible logic

Isaac said...

Snob, be reasonable. What are the odds that a sizable proportion of your demographic does not know what "bukakke" is? Was that wiki link really necessary?

PCLA said...

Masturbatory espresso = Bukkoffee

The wikipedia illustration is hillarious!

Censor Wikipedia said...

Can they show that on the internet?

Anonymous said...

Orange Julius
Sissy Spacek would like rip torn's balls back
Nothing says sexy like a carbon pump pot

coffeegivesmethetrots said...

Good design is critically important to the function, utility and enjoyment of a product. I don't care how much platinum-plated crabon fibray is involved if it's awkward or uncomfortable to use. The problem is when designers spend their energy "hanging tits on a hog" as the Specialized guy seems to be espousing or screwing up a basically good design in the name of creativity (cough, 99% of "concept bikes," anyone?).

And to X: You don't have to feel defensive about your overpriced 36DD (or whatever) Specialized. I'm sure Snobby wasn't picking on you personally. But next time put the excess money toward a spell checker, eh?

Anonymous said...

man, the epic burritoos out here are, like, 29 inches too.

29ER POOP

urchin said...

Oh, stumpjumper. What happened to you? You used to be relatively down to earth and likeable. Remember those non-indexed shifter days? You should give Trek 850 a call--he keeps asking about you...

Yellow let it Mellow said...

Hey Bike Snob,

I am so psyched about that the spring classics are almost up us! You need to include more references. Viz:

MONU MENT

FLAN DERS

INGU TTER

ENEC HLON

HELL NGEN

LION FLND

and of course the latest addition:

LARS BOOM

Yellow let it Mellow said...

That should say 'upon us'. Bah.

L. Flynt said...

Anyone else see the Fixe' magazine featured on Prolly's site? Masturbatory expoitation.

Stumphumper said...

Speaking of sexy and fast, I've got 2 words.

Liz Hatch

AYHDRMB
(all you haters don't read my blog)

Anonymous said...

awkward or uncomfortable to use??? in a bicycle frame? what the hell are you smoking? these aren't custom made mountain bike frames you twit!!!

George Not Hincapie said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XKPV8kULL6I

PeteInAz said...

A hardtail mountain bike?

I don't think so....

gregoryyy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
gregoryyy said...

Drink lots of Folders

Ride a crappy ten speed

Warm your own cackels

THIS is the way of the Bukkake Warrior.

I wish I hadn't said...

Paul,
19km is approximately 94.5 furlongs.

hillbilly,
Bad Lawyer just commented about the wikipedia illustration for the bukkake entry!

Bad Lawyer is among us!

http://let-him-ride.com/

wp said...

omfg, it _is_ wednesday.

be right back.

okay now. thassss better.

and i had a relevation 'bout this easy peasy east coast/west coast /middle connectivity we all share. you do share yours don't you.

and the hick of it is. as a "middle coaster" i get to fuzz up my brain with them wednesday weed and then call up my west coast bros in the middle of my night...giggling and such as the cannibas may present.

time zones.

handy dandy.

SNOB RULZ

WEDN WEED

DONT FRGT

FONE CALL

WSTC OAST

THEY REUP!

Kevin F said...

was the messenger in the video using a thumb shifter as a brake lever?

dear lord, the quest to make brake levers smaller and weaker surges forward...

thomas said...

How & why does a bike messenger get sponsored by Red Bull?

Anonymous said...

"Marketing": the art of convincing wannabes (target market) into buying specific crap in order to become the real thing. Sadly, I remember a gym owner/retired bodybuiler years ago say that upwards of 80% of his clients who never use their memberships pay for/subsidize the other 20% (real fitness geeks) who actually get there.

Motorrad said...

Here is an ad for BMW motorcycles. This is why motorcycles are better than both cars and bicycles.

http://www.youtube.com/user/BMW#p/u/0/-cM9S2AzU28

Anonymous said...

Fuck yeah!

Anonymous said...

I mean not the fuckshit BMW...The Blog and the end just good!

Anonymous said...

google bike bullshit and coffee in the same post...you just made my day. see my friends at Stumptown (i know...pdx again) they are real nice even if you can't pay $70 for a 12oz bag of 'special beans'

snanderbatch said...

Re: You coffee points, I would tend to agree with IF these specialty coffee places charged more than your average coffee place but they do not. An espresso or coffee at blue bottle or Stumptown is actually cheaper then your Mud or even Dunkin Doughnuts (yes, a cup of coffee is cheaper at Blue Bottle then it is at Dunkin, and an espresso is $2). So why complain about getting a better cup of coffee for the same price? It's like if you could get better bike for cheaper would you not because you are worried about what that better bike says about your personality?

lubes17319 said...

At the end of the Benz race.....who went down on whom?

wishiwasmerckx said...

I look for in a woman the same things as a Specialized designer
looks for in a bike. It has to look sexy and fast and you have to instantly want to jump on and ride her.

Anonymous said...

Enjoyed the "fingerbang" references. I don't get it the whole pistola crap. Didn't they outlaw guns in Europe. It looks like an excited Inspector Gadget who just realized he had a "gun" lurking in his finger. Speaking of douchey.

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