Monday, February 1, 2010

Brazen Schemes: RTMS and Sympathy

If you've been following this blog for awhile, you know that I occasionally refer to myself as RTMS. Back in the spring of 2008 (a much simpler time when Lance Armstrong was still retired, the fixed-gear scene was still open, and the PistaDex soared into the high three figures), somebody accused me of "jumping the shark" for reasons I cannot recall, and so in true shark-jumping fashion I announced that I would change my name to an unpronounceable symbol, à la Prince or Rock Racing owner Michael Ball. The symbol I chose was actor Rip Torn's mug shot, taken after a drunk driving arrest:

I've always been entranced by Torn's expression in this photo. It is insouciant to the point of being beatific, and Torn maintains it despite the fact that his world is crumbling around him--he's like Buddha mingled with George W. Bush declaring victory on that aircraft carrier in the Persian Gulf. To me, this attitude neatly sums up the human condition, and while this photo is ineffable I abbreviated my new moniker as "RTMS" for the purposes of shorthand. Subsequently, commenter Urchin created this graphic, and the name change was complete:

Naturally, then, many readers emailed me over the weekend to tell me that an armed Rip Torn had been arrested for breaking into a bank while intoxicated. While this would imply that he was trying to rob the bank, the police now believe he didn't realize it was a bank and thought it was his own home, which makes perfect sense to me--I often smash my own window with a revolver and then pass out on the floor after a night of heavy drinking, and if my home were more bank-like in appearance I'm sure I'd find myself in the nearest Chase branch every so often. I'd also like to take this opportunity to express the disgust I feel towards the media, for if they think that a famous actor drunkenly smashing his way into a bank while brandishing a loaded weapon is more interesting than something as monumentally important as the Grammys then they clearly have a lot of soul-searching to do.

Still, it's obvious that Torn needs help (or at least a new pair of glasses and a front door key), and I sincerely hope he gets it. In the meantime, let's remember Torn in happier times. Here he is in 1970, beating the crap out of Norman Mailer:



Forty years ago, attacking a respected author with a hammer could become the cornerstone of your career; now, simply passing out in a bank can land you in jail. It just goes to show how much we've regressed as a society. That said, celebrities and weapons don't tend to mix well. Consider New York Giants receiver Plaxico Burress, who accidentally shot himself in the leg, or Tour de France champion Alberto Contador, who recently fingerbanged himself in the ear:

("There was earwax everywhere!," says a terrified witness.)

Hopefully he recovers from his accidental earbanging in time for this year's Grand Boucle.

Speaking of competitive cycling, yesterday was the elite men's cyclocross world championship, and among the competitors was the Mongolian cyclocross team, under the tutelage of retired classics star and flax mogul Johan Museeuw. While they were not exactly in the medal hunt, to their credit they did manage to finish (albeit a few laps down), and even managed to beat the guy from Israel:

Granted, the Israeli national cyclocross program consists entirely of watching YouTube videos of Sven Nys, but beating them is still impressive. Also, top Mongolian finisher Bold-Erdene Boldbaatar would have placed much higher if an untimely mechanical hadn't forced him into the pits. Here's footage of his mechanic at work:



This unplanned stop threw Boldbaatar off his rhythm, and then a sloppy dismount later in the race ultimately consigned him to the back for the duration:



After that he kept getting lapped like the field was a giant tabby and he was a bowl full of skim milk. Still, it was a strong showing from a cyclocross backwater, and the Mongolian cyclocross team will undoubtedly come back strong next year. In the meantime, they plan to stay sharp in the off-season by playing polo with Museeuw's head.

Speaking of competition, sometime this week I will announce the winner of The Great Meh BSNYC Free Scat Contest!, but in the meantime I'd like to share a few entries from people who will definitely not be getting a free bike. One of them is from someone named Bob Gong, who submitted this because he just wanted to see his name in print:

1. I live in Granite Bay, CA, about 30mins north of Sacramento, CA.
2. I'm 46 years old.
3. I currently own 7 bikes (ok, maybe I do need an 8th one since the number 8 is good luck in Asian cultures, not that I'm superstitious or anything. Honest, cross my heart.....).
4. I've never had a bike stolen, but I'm willing to learn. Maybe this bike is the perfect opportunity... I've lived a very sheltered life or have just been stupor lucky.
5. I would use it to utilize 2 new bike storage hooks I just bought from the hardware store. The biek would be a replacement for my loser social life in that I've never been able to be a true hipster. This biek would give me the tools to be the most baddest, mo-fricky hipster in a 4-county radius, let alone restore my waning, self-confidence.


I'm happy to put your name in print (see above), but alas, your hooks shall remain Scatless.

Here's an excerpt from another submission:

4) How your bike got stolen- Actually, I don't need a new bike. Just thought I'd give this a go, as the only other contest I have won was a drawing at the Sean Kelly site- a heart-rate monitor book, that I never received. Bastard. I do not frequent Sean Kelly's site any longer

I was shocked to learn that the great Irish cyclist apparently lures people in with promises of free heart rate monitor books, which he then fails to deliver. I can assure you that whoever wins the Scattante will in fact receive the Scattante, though it will not be this poor heart-rate-monitor-bookless soul. Still, I do appreciate his "ratting out" Sean Kelly.

Then there were the submissions which were obviously made up, like this one from Canada:

1) Hamilton, Ontario, Canukistan Petrostate
2) Physically 43, mentally, eight
3) 4
4) It wasn’t stolen, it was blown up by a terrorist test rider/looky-loo with an explosive chamois.
5) This was my 2009 Pinarello Va Fungulo Speciale, with Super Record and Zipp 1080 Crabon wheels, the signature “James Huang” edition. This bike was never actually ridden, it resided on the back of my Audi TT Quattro, which I drove to my local Starbucks-disguised-as-a-local café, I would dismount the bike from my German motorcar, and walk it into the café with my cleats ruining the floor. I would then flip open my laptop and post angry messages to Bikeforums to those assholes buying Chinese-built bikes, when they should be buying Amurican-imported frames with Shimano parts. I’d also frequent the racing forum and talk for hours about wattage, elevations , junk miles, why cat 3 racers and the French suck, and just how awesome Lance is. The second important use of this bike was to hang it from a digital LCD scale and post pictures on Weightweenies forum, then engage in a posting tete-a-tete withCharles Manatanan about handlebar tape weights. Oh, Charles, we agreed to disagree, but the discussion was always 4.5/5 stars. The last important use of this bike was to take it to wind tunnels and test various parts off the bike for aero effect at 65 km/hr, the use those numbers to prove why Fabian Cancellara wins TT races, back on Weightweenies. I don’t know how much more typing I can do, as my emotions have overcome me and I feel my perfectly electrolyte-balanced tears (thanks to FRS Energy Drink) may cause an electrocution hazard on this keyboard. I would use the Scattante to post poignant questions all over the internet cycling forums about every single part, then progressively replace every single part with Chinese sound-alike parts off Ebay. I hope that one day I can once again ride around on the hood of my 4T handlebars with a nice set of Zepp 1080 crabon wheels and my aero helmet from Rouis Galneau, and once again connect with the internet fraternity, my Band of Brothers of junk milers…sniff…that godless Al Queada bastard even blew up my LCD scale, I have no way of knowing if I’m below the UCI weight limit of not. And they say people in Haiti have it tough. If I don’t win this, I’ll have to wait another three months for a bonus cheque to buy one (hundred and eighty).

Charles Ponzi-Skeeme III
VP, Bank of America.


I have a feeling a certain frequent commenter is behind that one. Incidentally, a disproportionately large number of the submissions I received came from people in Canada. I'm not sure why that is, though I suspect it may simply be that Canadians are accustomed to receiving free handouts.

But while our guileless neighbors to the north simply wait for people to give them stuff, we Americans are a far more scheming breed. This is because we live in a country which forces us to be conniving, and where simply receiving life-saving medical treatment can require us to weave a vast web of lies. Really, we need to use every weapon in our respective arsenals. If you're Rip Torn, that weapon might be a loaded gun; if you're this woman, it might be an adorable baby:

How did your bike get stolen? from Leah Archibald on Vimeo.

Honestly, who would not want to give this face whatever it wants? (The one on the left I mean.)

Still, it's not going to work on me. Not only is my heart as black as crabon, but the video also reveals the contestant's lavish, sun-drenched home. Clearly, this family lives in luxury and they are not people in need. Had she smeared both their faces with fake dirt and filmed the video in a Dumpster or an abandoned car then they would have had a much better chance. Still, I appreciate the video, and I'm sure they're already on their way to the LBS where she will attempt to use her child to get 15% off a 2009 Trek.

Unethical? Perhaps. But it's better than simply walking into the shop and taking a bike at gunpoint, which is what recently happened in Issaquah, WA:




Keep in mind though that things aren't always what they seem. The thief may actually have been Rip Torn, and he may have just thought he was walking into his own garage.

126 comments:

Anonymous said...

Really?

Anonymous said...

wow sweet

Disgruntl Ed. said...

Podium? What's with me?

Fierce Panties said...

Fierce!

Disgruntl Ed. said...

Must be those burritos that Dr. Ferrari recommended.

brant@shedfire said...

Top 10?

wishiwasmerckx said...

Top Ten.

Anonymous said...

TEN!

Paul Bowen said...

Top 10! Woo-hoo!

ringcycles said...

Wellons! Can't keep a good Belgie down.

Anonymous said...

damn, so close...

hillbilly said...

I try to withdraw money from my refrigerator often, so....

wishiwasmerckx said...

Way to go, Snobbie. You have inadvertantly set off an international diplomatic row by publicly pointing out that the Mongolians finished in advance of the Israeli. Expect a vivit from Mossad.

Anonymous said...

TOP 10 BITCHES!!!

wishiwasmerckx said...

As for Leah Archibald, I watched that whole video waiting for that baby to give me stock tips like in that Super Bowl commercial, but...nothing. What a slacker that tyke is.

Also, the crackhead took everything except the damn dog, who kept parading through the shot.

Anonymous said...

sorry bitches

TOP 20 BITCHES!!!!

wishiwasmerckx said...

Finally, isn't Commie Canuck known to frequently wear a camoflouge hat and a beige bandana?

mikeweb said...

I often get in trouble at White Castle, because I mistakenly think that I'm in my own bathroom.

Chris said...

They were acting suspicious- inspecting the bikes, trying to pull them off the shelf, asking about prices...Isn't that how every bike purchase begins?

Sprocketboy said...

Let's be fair. The Mongolians even beat Niels Albert just by finishing.

JackTB said...

But the poor Issaquah thief is not going to get a proper fit for his $11,000 bicycle. Maybe you can git someone to donate a bike fitting and give it away to the most destitute bike owner (legal or not).

Paul Bowen said...

I have every sympathy with the guy who got shorted by the Sean Kelly site as the same thing happened to me with Marin. Actually the treatment I received was perhaps worse because I actually went out of my way to help Marin UK (by pointing out that having the phrase TRAIL BORN, RACE BREAD at the top of their home page might render them liable to mocking comment). For this service they offered me as reward a jersey which I was happy to accept and which they didn't bleedin' send.

baby oliver said...

Santa Monica is in Park Slope?

Fierce Panties said...

Did the Issaquah bike shop put together this scheme to win the Great Meh contest?

Anonymous said...

The Swobo website said they'd give you a set of promotional stickers if you wrote a testimonial about their jerseys. Given I even own one of their jerseys I was happy to comply.
Never got the stickers. Poseurs.

ant1 said...

ant1st!

Fierce Panties said...

I have a strange feeling that there is a connection between guns and bikes that I don't know about.

Anonymous said...

I know the kind of place Rip Torn's head was. Deep in the nuclear winter of my own Booze Hell I once climbed the wall of Epping Conservative Club into the neighbouring garden and settled down to sleep in an ornamental border, quite convinced that I was getting into bed. The residents were not at all pleased with me, understandably enough. Epping was once the constituency of Sir Winston Churchill, who I like to think would have understood.

Anonymous said...

What does RTMS mean?

Mongo Pusher said...

Trebon!

Pontius Pilate said...

HAIL CSZR

-P.P.

youaretheengine said...

CANv sUSA

I'd flame the fires of this potential tête-à-tête (head-to-head for the Amuricans), but I'm way too busy going to the emergency room for fun and riding all my free bicycles (in the snow).

Plus, you guys are cool.

Anonymous said...

earbang

Eric said...

hi-rez

sailor42 said...

Since when does suspicious behavior at a bike store involve spending hours looking at bikes and asking about their prices? Trying to pull bikes off the rack? Maybe a bit suspicious, but haven't we all been over come by the beauty of a 1100 dollar trek 1.2 at some point in our lives?

Anonymous said...

TOP 40

JTK said...

an $11K biek at a LBS? wow!
They should have given him the full Cinzano on the way out.. that woulda stopped him.

Leah Archibald said...

Lavish and sun-drenched! I'll put that in the ad if we ever need to sell the place :)

Charles said...

Hmmm, Eastern European accent in Issaquah? One of the new ProTour teams doing a bit of curation mayhaps......

Anonymous said...

Say bye!!!

streepo said...

I wish I could have hit norman Mailer in the head with a hammer.

Anonymous said...

$11,000 to purchase CERA? Eastern European accent? Gun/finger bang -borrowed from Contador? Vinokourov!

H

Bad Lawyer said...

Rip Torn's mug shot, the Buddha...you are blogging the stoy of my life BSNYC.

db said...

I have a strange feeling that there is a connection between guns and bikes that I don't know about.

You don't even know, dude ....

Have fun with this.

Stupid Name said...

"he's like Buddha mingled with George W. Bush "

The quote of the year, a thorazine addled texan mingled with a Mass. gun toting drunk.

Fierce Panties said...

db

I read all of the forum back to 8/26/05. I learned that (a) Glocks do not have a safety, internal or external, (b) there are problems on the road worse then Nu:Freds with u-locks, and (c) that taking a human life comes with "so much mental baggage."

sufferist said...

Much sympathy to RTMS in this his time struggle (again). I'll light a mental candle and say a prayer for this the most august of Texas thespians. Godspeed Elmore.

Paul Bowen: can I consider my pre-ride peanut butter and honey sandwich RACE BREAD? It seems to do the same as those PowerBars/GU/HammerGel, etc..., but ITTET one must consider the cost/benefit ratio also.

Anonymous said...

July 25th, 2001 Mr. John Horstman was bike riding along the Prairie Path in DuPage County, Illinois when a county officer arrested him for observing the law. The law in question is known as "The Safe Neighborhoods Act", which requires firearms to be transported unloaded in a closed container. The police officer stopped Mr. Horstman while looking for a flasher, who fit a different physical description than that of Mr. Horstman, which was reported to be in the area. (The suspect is clean shaven with brown hair, and was reported to wearing sandals. Mr. Horstman has a full beard and mustache, black (and grey) hair, was wearing hiking boots, and riding a bicycle.) Upon searching Mr. Horstman, the officer found loaded magazines on his belt.
...
This is a violation of Mr. Horstman's constitutional rights a direct violation of the 8th Amendment. (The 8th Amendment states, "Excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted.") As a result of these outrageous violations of the public trust by DuPage County Police, officials, and Judges, the Pink Pistols call for people to attend the arraignment to show public support for Mr. John Horstman. The trial date is set for August 20th at the DuPage County Courthouse on County Farm Road in Wheaton, Illinois. The Pink Pistols also recommend people donate to a fund that has been set up for Mr. Horstman's legal defense. The fund is being managed by Concealed Carry Inc. Checks can be mailed to:

Jefe said...

When I was a child, Norman Mailer lived in our building and stabbed his first wife there during a party. I can only imagine that Rip Torn was was simply trying to get the drop on the violent novelist. Despite Mailer's demise, Torn may still arm himself because of that memory.

Bad Lawyer said...

$11,000 retail--that's felony money, add the gun and you got mandatory jail time for a crabon biek, hardly seems fair.

leroy said...

Well I'll be darned.

Who knew Michael Ball was that tall?

Honestly, the things one learns on the internet.

Anonymous said...

Mr. Horstman was asking for trouble by riding a bike in hiking boots.

grog said...

fruitcakes

kerry said...

Ive never drooled over a 1100 trek. Sadly, its like $15,000 cannondales that seem to catch my attention( old liquigas paint schemes can do that.)

I dont know why, it must be the chartruese colour cos I havent been riding long enough to see why I would want a bike worth nore than 4000. Maybe I am a dentist at heart.

Fierce Panties said...

Anon 231
I made out the check but you left me hanging. Who do I send it to?

Disgruntl Ed. said...

I know it was just a simile, yet I am troubled that the tabby only got skim milk.

Perhaps CC can offer it some homo?

Fierce Panties said...

Disgrutl Ed

You rode well today sir. The podium was mine until I lost valuable seconds when my hand was forced to throw my water bottles at the umpire.

Anonymous said...

Bikes and guns dont mix.

I just like the name "pink pistols",
must cause fear among criminals everywhere.

Mr. Horstman, was a certified loonytoon, who was trying to get recognition for his Concealed Carry organization.

Since disappeared.
Don't give money.

Anonymous said...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pink_Pistols

Anonymous said...

http://www.pinkpistols.org/index2.html


Yea, canada.

7sp said...

Today I learned the term "Bug Out Vehicle".

Thank you, Internet.

leroy said...

According to an anonymous veteran observer of the Litchfield criminal justice scene, Toyota executives could have supplied an unsuspecting Mr. Torn with alcohol and a handgun to deflect media attention from a product recall involving accelerator pedals.

Fierce Panties said...

Just Kidding, I don't give money to pro-gun loons.

I do have a certain affinity with the Pink Pistols because of the handful of times on my bike that I've fantasized about holding a hard cold piece of steel and firing it into the rear window of a passing car after being called "fag" by the motorist or passenger. And then I just calm down and realize that probably I deserve it for rocking a 6 speed freewheel and panniers.



Bad Lawyer, comments?

Luke said...

I would like to know the make of the 11k bike. Pinarello? I actually clicked on the story just for the inevitable "LOL 11,000 bike" comments. Sure it is a ludicrous price but acting surprised just highlights your ignorance, especially when you suggest that the thief should have stolen a Harley instead. Yeah, those are real good values for the money--nothing at all like a Pinarello.

ned overend said...

65!!!

Leah Archibald said...

Sunny Santa Monica California, baby oliver. You'd never guess that the yoga-loving hippies would be so thieving!

another crapped on consumer who believed the hype said...

yo anon 12:56 I paid for a swobo jersey and it took 4 months to arrive ,the f-ers never answered my phone calls 0r e-mails.
They are douche swillers; my jersey got a rip in it from carrying a tube in the pocket!!!!

Salty Seattle said...

Nah, the $11,000 bike was the low end one--the one the thief thought that the LBS wouldn't notice, as much. He cannot, however, ride around the neighborhoods of Issaquah on that thing, as he'll stand out like Eliza Doolittle at the horsetrack. Close, but not quite.

Which is strange because Issaquah used to be no more than a railstop, until Windows 95 came out.

King Kelly said...

Only woosies use heart rate monitors.

Anonymous said...

So, what does RTMS mean?

Carl lafong said...

When will they use pegs? Prolly?

Anonymous said...

Actually, the "Mission Accomplished" aircraft carrier was off the coast of California, not in the Persian Gulf. I am sure there is a joke there but I'll let someone else get the laugh.

Anonymous Coward said...

@Anon 4:00

Good god, you can't follow the link and surmise for yourself? Fine, I'll help the lazy -- Rip Torn Mug Shot.

Bad Lawyer said...

fb--

Being a Bad Lawyer--never take my advice--but having said that do not take guns on bikes; do not shoot guns at assholes who shout "faggot" from car windows.

BL

Mesothelioma said...

Great post, can't wait for tomorrow.

Anonymous said...

http://engrishfunny.files.wordpress.com/2009/10/engrish-funny-crabonated-drink.jpg

Stupid Name said...

http://www.heebmagazine.com/blog/view/2614

Hipsters beware, old dude, with u-lock ready for a beat-down.

Got to love america

Pink pistols are wooosies, woosies with guns still scare me. Oops, probably not socially correct.

Aapje said...

Fierce panties, read this:

As for the rumors of a lack of safety, they were based on the fact that Glock handguns were one of, if not the first, semi-automatic handguns designed with no external safety lever. However, there are more safeties on a Glock handgun than there are on any revolver. The Glock handguns all have three safety mechanisms: 1) the trigger safety, 2) the firing pin safety, and c) the drop safety. The only way a Glock handgun will fire is for the trigger to be pulled fully to the rear.

db said...

@fierce:

I read all of the forum back to 8/26/05.

That is a chunk of your life that you will never get back. My condolences.

Anonymous said...

Rip Torn is older than my dad! I didn't think anyone was older than my dad! Most of you are probably a bit perplexed at my amazement but I am probably older than most of your dads (or moms, but that's another issue). Age isn't what's important, maturity is. And clearly, Mr. Torn has proven that he is less mature than many of us here, certainly less so than my dad - regardless of age.

Your mom said...

....i know him pretty well and he's a solid dude and has been riding pegs on track bikes in the dirt at mcscaren park with the jewish baseball teams and williamsburg whores for a long long time for whatever thats worth.

Azzfase said...

Hey asspie,

i bet you know all about pulling the trigger to the rear...

heath said...

wait. what?

Oldentard said...

I was always afraid to ask what RTMS was but knew someday, if patient, all would be revealed. Then last Friday an old friend passing through town showed up on the trailer steps with an oversized pickle jar of real-live East Tennessee White Lightning, a weird intern and some other things we won't go into. When I got out of the ER Sunday morning they were gone and my dog was not talking to me so I holed up in my lavish and sundrenched study/tool shed and watched 32 episodes of the Larry Sanders Show on Hulu. Later, I Googled Rip Torn to see what he was up to these days and found out. This is what Neil Young meant by "it's better to burn out than fade away..." So anyway, after I got out of court this morning I came home and changed the bandages and popped online to get my Monday dose of BSNY and all was revealed.

flynn said...

Rip Torn stole my bike, but police believe he mistook it for his sanity

hows yr edge said...

Bedford, MA. High falutin! Good whole foods. I've never once seen a fixed gear bike in the whole town. I have seen many, many, many spandex clad (and appropriately so) individuals shooting through on their way to Concord, MA.

Dry Fire said...

fierce panties:
Guns and bikes were related by use of quality steel tubing and machined parts.

Gunsmiths might be great constructeurs.

Several gun manufacturers got into the 1890s bike boom bike biz.

Current Smith and Wesson police bikes are imported but their brand sells at inflated prices anyway. Police departments fall for this too often.

Test Tickle said...

nice vocabulary today, Snob.

Insouciant, ineffable, beatific... you, sir, are a

WORD SMTH

balls.

frilly said...

Stand down, H!

Danny said...

hows yr edge:

Fixies have indeed made it out to Bedford, on the same Cambridge-to-Concord route beloved of the spandex set. Still vastly outnumbered, though.

Anonymous said...

George Bush declared victory on an aircraft carrier off the coast of San Diego, not in the Persian Gulf

John Romeo Alpha said...

Sweet, a gratuitous "THAT SAID" to pointlessly start February on the right foot! Can I look forward to a hefty steaming serving of "HAVING SAID THAT" in the near future? Or perhaps a golden shower trifecta of "THAT HAVING BEEN SAID"? 2010 is shaping up to be a great year indeed.

Bad Lawyer said...

fun facts about rip torn: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rip_Torn

He's Sissy Spacek's cousing?!

Bad Lawyer said...

er, cousin ...and Dennis Hopper had to pay him (nearly)a million bucks in a defamation action? Wow!

Salty Seattle said...

anon 7.21-

..so did I..

Salty Seattle said...

Kinda thick in here today.

I never expect to encounter such a florid discussion of armaments here. At least not of this nature.

Everyone slip into your favorite thong (or g-string, if you prefer), and chill for a bit.

Now, just try to think about something other than that thong you're wearing. Go ahead--just try.

Anonymous said...

I usually pick up the second leg, which is Concord to Mt. Wachusett. Yeah we're lycra clad and crabon infested. My fixed gear is for heading into Boston where I play in traffic and imagine I'm a couple of generations younger!

WyoCyclo said...

Winter in Wyoming, and finally there is hope.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U2XZB86mwJM

Chris said...

My, but this has been educational:

1) I learned what RTMS meant (I thought it was a stylized "Artemus")
2) I learned that the Approve guy was, in fact, Rip Torn...I always thought it was Jack Nicholson in About Schmidt...

You learn something new everyday, if you're not careful...

Crocodile Dundee said...

Thanks to that absolute bloody wanker sending the letter about getting kicked in the nads by a Kangaroo, the Australian Department of Transport are now considering genital boxes "or cups" as mandatory as the bicycle helmet. And the Department of Roads are at this very moment drafting a proposal to ban early morning bike commuting on fire roads. Thankfully I have a spare "cup" at home in my Cricket kit.
What a flaming Gallah!
I haven't been so pissed since my mate who moved to Sydney tried to tell me he was a professional sho'er. A sho'er being the guy who shoo's the Kangaroo's off the Sydney Harbour bridge every morning so the cars and cyclist can pass over it without fear of being kicked in the gonads by a Giant Red Kangaroo, or their slightly smaller and grey coloured relative the rock wallaby (who despite their size still have an uncanny ability to strike one's gonads with much fury).

Sarah P said...

Good grief there is a lotta yabbie smackin going on in Oz.
Thanks for a great start to Feb Snobby, excellent as always.

Cadel said...

WTF !! 102nd? Damn it! If my crappy bike and semiconscious mechanic didn't screw me I'd be podium!! Don't touch me!

ConArtist said...

I just gained a lot of respect for Rip Torn.

g-roc said...

Wow, not only did I finally find out what RTMS stands for (after sporadic, fruitless Google attempts), but I now know that's not Mickey Rourke's mug shot. I feel stupid, yet simultaneously smarter.

PANTS said...

Fixies are the Fedora hat of the bicycle world.

Just thought I'd put that out there.

After going there i said...

Damn. Orange20 sucks.

Anonymous said...

Good brief and this fill someone in on helped me alot in my college assignement. Thanks you for your information.

Pinche Puto said...

Hola Cesario

Anonymous said...

< Several gun manufacturers got into the 1890s bike boom bike biz >

BSA and Royal Enfield, to name but two.

I'd been idly wondering about RTMS as well, but managed to work it out for myself. Just as well, 'cos I couldn't be bothered asking.

hey nonny mouse

Anonymous said...

rip torn lost it bakc in the day on the dachshund of time

Klaus Mohn said...

Retweet Mississippi.

grog said...

Rip Torn resembles Punxatawny Phil, don't you think? Happy holiday! Six more weeks of Winter.

Anonymous said...

I alwaya liked rt but when I saw him hit mailer with the hammer my heart sweLled and then I felt it move

Anonymous said...

Whose going to tell her she has an ugly baby?

Anonymous said...

Surely I can't be the only person who always thought that the RTMS picture was actually a particularly disheveled photo of (then) Senator Joe Biden?

L. Brazofuerte said...

Lance has still not accepted that he did not win the last TdF. He is a bitter loser. And I guess you have been told to keep barking(woof, woof). Well, perhaps it is time to understand that a humble guy from Spain (perhaps those two elements are the ones that make you mad) did beat Lancey and all the rest. Tough luck, buddy.

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