Wednesday, November 11, 2009

The Flax of Life: Nü-Fred Look, Classic Fred Taste

Back in July, when the crotches were hot and the tempers were hotter, you may recall that a Nü-Fred's composure failed catastrophically and he lashed out at a pedestrian (and, by extension, his parents, his roommate, and the world) with a u-lock. Well, now that it's cooler out people are a bit more relaxed. However, while you might be tempted to think that the streets are safer since the potential for heat-induced outbursts is lower, the truth is that this may be the most dangerous time of year.

Even though it's starting to get cold, it's not yet cold enough to drive the Nü-Freds permanently indoors. Moreover, the Nü-Freds who have survived are now fortified by the fact that they've made it this far, and in their minds they're no longer Nü-Freds at all--rather, they think they're hardened street warriors. They've long ago (and by "long ago" I mean last August) mastered the art of tire repair and fixed cog removal. Their saddles have moved from tilted to level. And, most significantly, they now refuse to call their parents back in the Bay Area every night to assure them they got home OK.

While a little confidence can be a good thing, in the world of the Nü-Fred this confidence has a tendency to swell up into overconfidence or even recklessness. Emboldened by both their own survival and a steady diet of idiotic fixed-gear videos consumed during the workday, they're now at that stage where they consider riding in traffic a sport and stopping for traffic signals tantamount to having a vagina. Unfortunately, their skill level is still not in concert with their experience, and the results can be disastrous (or at least pathetic) to watch.

I was thinking about this very thing (Nü-Fred overconfidence, not having a vagina) yesterday evening as I rode through midtown Manhattan and watched various riders careering pointlessly from lane to lane and skidding demonstratively despite the ready accessibility of a brake. At one point, one of these riders passed me (on a bicycle with a freewheel, as it happens) and approached a light that had just turned red. Clearly, he was going to run it, lest some office worker in a rush to get to Penn Station think he had a vagina. "That's not a very good idea," I thought, as he dodged a couple of pedestrians, entered the intersection, and ran right into a bike messenger.

What happened next is what distinguishes the Nü-Fred from a more seasoned cyclist. Before the messenger had finished picking himself up off the pavement, the Nü-Fred just rode away.

Naturally, the messenger was incensed, but naturally also the Nü-Fred was too cowardly to interact with somebody who actually does what he pretends to do. Of course, part of this may also have had to do with the fact that this wasn't one of those "lifestyle" messengers who has lots of body art, wears various hand-stitched holsters, and rides a $1,000 frame. Rather, he was one of those boring workaday messengers in baggy jeans and a sweatshirt riding an old mountain bike. Had he been the former, perhaps the Nü-Fred might have been compelled to express solidarity by at least making sure he didn't damage the "lifestyle" messenger's "work bike." But since he was the latter, he just kept going in the same way you might if you tried to toss your coffee cup into a city garbage can and missed.

Speaking of Freds, there is one man who has dominion over all of Fred-dom, but in particular the "Classic Fred"--that rider with one hairy chainring-tattooed leg in the world of Category 5 road racing, and the other in the realm of centuries, charity rides, and Primal jerseys. This man of course is Lance Armstrong, and he orchestrates the actions of the Freds in the same way that Mickey Mouse conducted the heavens in "Fantasia." In fact, CyclingNews reports that USA Cycling registration has reached an all-time high in the wake of Armstrong's return to the sport:

Yes, Armstrong commands the Freds like the moon commands the tides, or the sun commands the plants, or the forces of conformity command the hipster. Furthermore, this preternatural influence extends beyond Freds, and it also predates his comeback. Even when Armstrong was still retired, USA Track & Field reported a 12% increase in the number of people jogging shirtless with Matthew McConaughey:

(McConaughey will jog shirtless with anybody who asks nicely.)

Also, during Armstrong's brief tall bike flirtation of '08, the National Freak Bike Association reported a huge surge in tall bike fabrication, cheap beer consumption, and ironic mullet curation:

(Armstrong's presence inspires freak biker to gleefully fingerbang himself.)

Though this guy will no doubt remind you he was into all those things pre-Armstrong.

But not all cycling growth can be attributed to Lance Armstrong, nor is it confined to lower category road racing in the United States. We also stand on the cusp of the Golden Age of Mongolian Cyclocross:

It's only a matter of time before Mongolia is as synonymous with cyclocross as it is with barbecue. It's also natural that the Mongols would take to this sport, for historically they are great horsemen and cyclocross is exactly like equestrianism except for the fact that it no way involves horses. Shrewdly, the Mongolians have chosen Johan Museeuw as their Khan:

Johan Museeuw is of course the former classics specialist turned purveyor of flaxen bicycles--or if you prefer, the former Lion of Flanders turned Lion of Flax. Nobody knows for sure why Museeuw chose to incorporate flax into his frames, but some say he was experimenting with flax fiber as a form of hair replacement and inadvertently discovered it might also be useful in a cycling application:

Presumably, Museeuw was trekking through Mongolia in search of a cheap source of flax for his eponymous bicycles when he discovered a lost tribe of cyclocrossers who had been engaging in the sport for centuries. He then told them of a faraway land called Belgium where disco is still popular and cyclocross racers are treated like gods, and promised to take them there in exchange for directions to the mythical Mongolian flax fields. Fortunately for the cyclocross racers, they're now enjoying the high life in Belgium, but unfortunately for Museeuw he's still wandering the steppes half-mad and flaxless but for that which he wears atop his head.

Incidentally, according to Bike Hugger flax bicycles make great fixed-gears, so you might want to think about building up a "fixed-flax:"

You should keep in mind, however, that your flax bike will not "accelerate:"

"Acceleration" or lack thereof is a quality often referred to by bike reviewers, and I'm always entertained when it's applied to a machine that will not accelerate or in fact move at all without the application of a rider--or, at the very least, gravity. (Unless you actually ride the thing or drop it out a window, it's not going anywhere.) If your bike doesn't accelerate, before spending a bunch of money to replace it I'd recommend first checking to see if it has a chain, and second making sure (assuming it's equipped with a freewheel) that you're not pedaling it backwards. If both those things check out, then actually getting the bike to move quickly is really up to you. Also, if you "stand up, go" and your bike does in fact "dive," make sure you're not operating it on quicksand or thin ice. Or, you can spend $1,500 for a pair of mediocre wheels:

In the world of selling bicycle wheels, Mediocre + Expensive = Excellence. I guess Time are preying on people who are so confused by the old adage "Cheap, light, and strong--pick two" that they're willing to pay for an "expensive, heavy, and strong" wheel when instead they could just buy a "cheap, heavy, and strong" one. These confused people also don't understand the less common adage, "Expensive wheels won't get you laid." Neither, apparently, will a helmet--at least as far as this woman is concerned:

maybe it was you? - w4m - 30 (F train BK bound)
Date: 2009-11-10, 10:16PM EST

Is it weird that as I sit on the train, I assess people based on their potential sexual skill?

That guy looks like he would be particularly attentive to my nether regions.

He will snore when it's over.

He will probably push my head down for a BJ but will acquiesce when I do the same. We will both roll over unsatisfied.

Maybe it depends on the music I'm listening to or where I am during my cycle. Or how long its been.

Right now, I would fuck 50% of them? That's a guess and an assumption that humanity depends on it.


Too cute.

Short but aforementioned attentive guy. Experience has shown : short = huge.


Lady dressed as man.

No thank you. Appreciate the offer. Believe me, I do. Its been awhile, but no thanks.

Seersucker jacket. Cute but high maintenance. Been there. Haven't done Him, but done "that".

Bike helmet. Little too "safe". I like risks. I mean, I did just say I would do 50% on a NY F train?

Why does that girl look at me like that? Competitive over him? Sorry Miss, I win. We're wearing matching noise canceling headphones.


New stop, new entries.

Who's up?

Skull cap? Cute, but 5 years ago.

Briefcase? Not interested in my Dad.

Trucker hat? I should kill you now. You have a life of pain coming to you anyway. Consider it a favor.

We're outside now. Maybe I'll just do the skyline. It's what I love about this city anyway. Do you think he's single? Does it matter? When its true love, does it ever matter?

Get out of the way!

He's mine, bitch. STEP OFF.

Good God, another seersucker jacket. It's November people. Wearing that now doesn't make you look like an islander. It makes you look stupid and cold.

Nice try though, I do love islanders.

You may opt to go without the helmet, but in this case I'd definitely wear a condom.


Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

top five

E said...

In there.

Anonymous said...

this one's for Cadel

Wes said...

Not even trying.

grog said...

got condom?

Anonymous said...


thegock said...


Asterisk said...

Aste risk

Asterisk said...

Hey Bad Lawyer,

Way to grab podium!


hillbilly said...

she makes me glad that i got married and stopped taking the f train

Astroluc (Find me on Tumblr and Instagram @Astroluc) said...

I am wonderful

Anonymous said...

*--to feel is to believe. I owe it all to my flax supplement.

Anonymous said...

cyclo-cross...if I wanted to carry my bicycle I wouldn't bother putting air in the tires.

Anonymous said...


If you put air in your tires, doesn't that make the bike lighter?

Kind of like the heat of the sun making days expand in summer.

wishiwasmerckx said...

If you can peel your eyes away from Matthew McConaughey's carefully-sculpted and manscaped pecs long enough to notice, it appears as if he is not wearing Nike running shoes. (The resolution in the photo is not that great, but I do not see a "swoosh.") Whilst bromance jogging with Lance, this is a ghastly faux pas which can earn you a visit from some sponsor thugs, as well as a "cease and desist" from some very angry and aggressive lawyers.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Snob, I was wondering if there was a connection to the references to having an unexpected vagina and the Museeuw bike company slogan, "To feel is to believe?"

boredbanker said...

ahhh...that's why they call it the F train.

Anonymous said...

$25 to dfl drunk without a name, with something usually scrapped on your bike.

Astroluc (Find me on Tumblr and Instagram @Astroluc) said...

"in the world of wrong way punk rock, there are no one-way roads... for wrong way punk rock, all roads go all ways ... wrong way punk rock will not bow to society's "rules" or "signs". wrong way punk rock is too cool and zen for things like that."

"yeah buddy? are you too cool to look where you're f'n going?"

rezado said...

A condom and some dental dam if you feel like reciprocating.

There is proabably an 80 percent chance that she has the herp.

No problem if you like wearing a mustache.

jon beard said...

diesel makes watches now but calls them "timeframes"

Strayhorn said...

I realize I'm late to the party, but I'm just now realizing that cyclocross has nothing to do with cycling and apparently has everything to do with drinking.

Why didn't anyone tell me this earlier? Now I feel like I've wasted a lot of time that I could have used getting pissed to the gills.

kale said...

'that rider with one hairy chainring-tattooed leg in the world of Category 5 road racing, and the other in the realm of centuries, charity rides, and Primal jerseys.'


I know what you're trying to say here, but it took me like 20 rereads to get as to what you were referring to as 'the other'.

It is Wednesday, and my reading comprehension is limited as it is without a dependent clause like that.

Now, I gotta call my folks back in the 510 before they go off and get all hyphy.

Astroluc (Find me on Tumblr and Instagram @Astroluc) said...

strayhorn -- I thought that was what ALL cycling was about!?


Mongolian cyclocross team. Cadbury donating 5000 bikes to ghana where they've gotten the majority of their cocoa from, belgian, yes belgian reality show, allez allez Zimbabwe, a show about some great benfactor training a select group of Zimbabweans for races in color blind europe.
I'd like to see a bunch of midwestern cyclocross racers trained by some Zambians to mine and smelt, while hopefully not getting contaminated by lead and cadmium like over half the population, maybe it could be on b.e.t and the local mongolian cable network.

Anonymous said...


kale said...

Wasn't it Lennard Zinn who said: "If you're using brakes, you're going backwards"?

Some Guy on the Innernets said...

Well, if you can't get anything published in any of those little literary magazines, I guess there is always Craigslist.

wishiwasmerckx said...

MtheM, sounds fascinating. Is there somewhere on teh internets where you can pick up the Belgian sitcom -- er, reality show? Presumably it is in Flemish, which I do not speak, so perhaps with English subtitles?

Earnest bushmen learning the intricacies of of riding at speed in the peloton, how to administer CERA, how to pick up podium girls, etc., etc. All against a background of cultural misunderstanding. I am sure that hilarity ensues.

jolene said...

boy howdy id be the chuckle in that bromance samwitch am i rite ladies well i dunno i mite get the aids by the looks of it

Anonymous said...

Gimme a Diablo Sammich and a Dr. Pepper and make it fast, Im in a God Damn Hurry!

Anonymous said...

I was sipping out front my brewry yesterday eve (after the work), when I spied a purple 3rensho being skidded around, and it finally came to a foot-on-rear-wheel stop. This is where the individual/curator utilized a back-pocket U-lock and went inside. After quickly scanning the bar, the curator left with quite a flourish.
I wonder, were those gold hubs njs? Can I ever hope to be so hip? The real question is; how in the world could someone with jeans that tight pull off all those leg-over-bars moves?

Anonymous said...

Why is it that "having a vagina" is always a bad thing... equated with weakness? That's pretty sexist.

Let me tell you something, most serious female cyclists would kick the shit out of a fixie riding hipster any day...and probably you, too, Snob.

sufferist said...

Anon 2:33 - From what my wife tells me, after studying the skinny-legged phenomena, some of the "jeans" are actually more akin to tights in that they are made from a stretchy fabric and not just tight fitting denims. So in gross physical composition, they are more like running/cycling tights.

So let us not look down upon these hipsters and instead look to them as bretheren. I do wear stretchy pants too, from time-to-time.

flaco said...

anon 2:41, your first point is good, then you ruin it. some are faster and some are slower, and using a word like "serious" doesn't help. are you trying to be the very definition of a troll (ette)?

sufferist said...

Query: If a a female douche is a douchette, what is the proper term for a female Fred (Nu or otherwise)?

1.) Fredette
2.) Fredina
3.) [your entry here]

Thank you for your attention to this matter?

sufferist said...

Please change the following:

Thank you for your attention to this matter?


Thank you for your attention to this matter.

Sorry for any confusion caused by the previous, hopefully it will be satisfactorily resolved by the latter.

rezado said...

3.) [your entry here]

Afred Yournotgettinganytonight

Anonymous said...

"careering pointlessly from lane to lane." I feel the same way with my job choices so far.

rezado said...

3.) [your entry here]


ant1 said...

sufferist -

3. Wilma?

kale said...



rezado said...

damn beat me to it.

kale said...

Lone Wolf -> Feral Cougar?

Anonymous said...

3.) Fern

Anonymous said...

Ant1 & Kale, I coined the term Wilma! Just ask my lbs. Any adjustments, new accessory & clothing purchases are always done with consultation so as not to look like a Wilma or become Bike Snob fodder.

Cuz a newb girl roadie can't be a Fred!

Anonymous said...

Sufferist: Ginger?

(Though they do not ride gingerly, those she-Nü-Freds.)

yogisurf said...

Co-worker leaned in my office and asked what's so funny?

Told her: It's only a matter of time before Mongolia is as synonymous with cyclocross as it is with barbecue.

Lunch is over, maybe I'll get on the F Train.

Great bike commute this morning. No TRAFFIC! God bless to all Vets!

Anonymous said...

Is Matthew McConaughey's removal of his body hair, and later application of it to his shiny, hairless pate, the behavior of a noo-Fred, Classic Fred, or, is he a Fred in a class of his own?

leroy said...

Well, I'll be danged, if I have a shot at being "classic," I'm just gonna have to start dressing better.

I'm just not sure about that part about Lance Armsrong orchestrating my actions.

I mean after he sold his used Trek covered with dead butterflies for six figures, I thought I had a can't-miss plan to get rich quick.

Unfortunately, Sotheby's was oddly unimpressed with my business plan, involving the sale of unwashed Cervelos ridden extensively during Maine's black fly season.

But what does Sotheby's know anyway. They said I was chronic, not classic.

ant1 said...

frilly - i just checked with your lbs, and they corroborated your story. I will stop using the term without your prior approval. please don't send bad lawyer after me.

Visegripmikey said...

WHoohoo top 60 and I didn't read the post yet -

New post:

Anonymous said...

Hey, Ant1st, I believe you're being paged over at

Seanywonton said...

I'm not sure if many of you are aware of this, but the origin of steak tartar is from mongolia, where the mongolian horsemen would tenderize a piece of horse meat by keeping it under the saddle on a long ride.

I'm seeing potential for the Mongolian cyclocross team here: Maybe a Dean & Deluca collabo?

Some Guy on the Innernets said...

Anon 2:41

Snob was using a little known and poorly understood literary device known as satire when he made the remark about "having a vagina." According to historians and a few obscure practitioners who still use the technique, the attitude you decry is one held by the people Snob was so skillfully ridiculing, and presumably not one he holds himself. The difference is often subtle, but no less legitimate.

ant1 said...

anon 4:01 - thanks for the heads up. situation has been rectified.

Levinson Axelrod said...

I'm glad that craiglist post just stood on it's own.

Salty Seattle said...

Well said, Dandy!

Props to the 'F' train gal for visualizing her vajj having a life it's own, even it is lonely in real life (by her own admission--check that skyline comment again.)

Maybe she's married?

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 2:41pm,

I don't equate vaginas and weakness at all--I was simply trying to illustrate the Nü-Fred's immature mindset. I also know full well that plenty of females can "kick the shit" out of me, having suffered many crushing defeats, both physical and emotional, at the hands of the vaginaed. Lastly, I do not discriminate on the basis of genitalway, though I mean that more in the general societal way and less in the sexual Morrissey way.


Mad Jack McMad said...

I can't wait until archery is introduced into cyclocross. It's going to be awesome!

Anonymous said...

swashbuckling dandy,

you're just a swashbuckling dandy. snob is a sexist mfer, just like all men in this male-dominated sport in this male dominated country. I prefer to fly around in my invisible jet.

Salty Seattle said...



Salty Seattle said...


I thought it was douchebaguette?

(heehee... I hold several degrees in it..)

Anonymous said...

call me a perv, but if I saw a lady flying in an invisible jet I'd look up.

Anonymous said...

Back in my single days most women I met seemed to arrive by way of the C Train. Now that I'm married I've got an unlimited pass on the WTF Train. Dios mio.

roomservicetaco said...

Why is Lance not running in Nike sneakers?

rezado said...



Recently reminded my wife(who just started riding finally) that when i was single I had one bike and more than a few lady friends, now I'm married and have more than a few bikes. I'm getting no hassle as I'm build my next ride for the spring, but I'm not allowed to ride the F.

Brrrrr Grrrrr said...

"fixed cog removal"

Damn you... reminding me that it's time to break another chain whip and lower my gear for the winter and the pair of studded tires.

I don't even know if I have to buy a 20-tooth cog or not.

But I'll be damned if Old Man Winter keeps me from riding on ice.

OBA said...

Fred doesn't race, Fred rides. Fred doesn't know from Lance.
Fred doesn't know from BSNYC.
Sad to realize I am a Fred wannabe.

Nurse Ratched said...

It's well known that the F train is second only to the L train in the percentage of female riders who are on a steady diet of anti-depressants and bowl hits. This combination inevitably leads them to pen stylized semi-literary slut fiction. Craigslist and certain personals websites are the perfect places to self publish, of course.

omowo said...


OBA said...

Classic Fred that is...per a popular internet encyclopedia:

"Fred" is a derisive term used by "serious" road cyclists to describe other cyclists who do not conform to serious road cyclists' norms with regard to dress and equipment, and appear amateurish to them. The term is generally reserved for men, while the rare female Fred is sometimes called a "Doris."

The exact qualities that define one as a "Fred" vary widely among regions and cyclists. The main two definitions used for the term are actually completely contradictory.

In the UK, an early usage of the word is the more common—used by 'serious' roadies to refer to (often) bearded, sandal-wearing, touring cyclists without any high-tech gear.[citation needed] This usage still survives in the US. David Bernstein, presenter of The FredCast says the term is "used by 'serious' roadies to disparage utility cyclists and touring riders, especially after these totally unfashionable 'freds' drop the 'serious' roadies on hills because the 'serious' guys were really posers."

Salty Seattle said...

Cycling is way too much fun to take any of it seriously. That's what I find funniest about the term, "Fred" in general.

I mean really..

Isn't it just a little ironic to have a term for someone less 'serious' than you (or any of us) anyway?

Oh yeah, irony's hip, and so we're all being ironically hip by using any such terms, and that's equally ironic for this forum.

Wow, my little girlie head is spinning...

Or is it Wednesday afternoon, already?

honkybucket said...

Hmmmm... I was gonna suggest Fredrique' as a female version of fred, though you all seem pretty comfy w/ the whole "wilma" thing.

And as an aside, swashdandy, that description of satire is pretty classic -- perhaps even a bit satirical itself?

And as an aside to the aside, if I've got a boner that's been raging for ~20 minutes after looking at the MM/Lance photo, does that mean I'm gay? Is it possible someone maybe just slipped me some Cialis while I wasn't looking?

Salty Seattle said...



Just means you like oily moobs.

Visegripmikey said...

Ain't nothing like 10 minutes of "American Pie" going through your head to calm yourself down from the wanton looks of subway passengers...

Some Guy on the Innernets said...


Uh, maybe a little. Sometimes it's hard to tell satire from its cousins, irony and sarcasm. That can be a confusing family to keep straight.

Anon 4:25, please tell me more about this invisible jet! Is it also silent? I hope not. Is there more than one seat? This is most intriguing.

CommieCanuck said...



CommieCanuck said...

BikeSnobNYC are such a pussy for responding to that.

sexist mfer said...

Aaarrrrrrrrr! I likes me a wench what tawks like a sailor!

Ralphy said...


I don't think it means what she thinks it means

Anonymous said...

Wilma, is so clearly the prefect name for a female Fred.

Anonymous said...



Anonymous said...

"Doris" is good, Wilma is so nail-on-the-head.

Asterisk said...

Excellent counsel, Bad Lawyer.



kale said...

'Mad Jack McMad said...

I can't wait until ... archery...cyclocross'

It would only be appropriate to use a cyclocrossbow.

To 'build the sport', volunteers should give NERF crossbows as handups during races. It will catch on eventually, and 'pros' will introduce some sort of crabon fibre thing that shoots bolts at 88 mph, whilst retrogrouches and fixed-gear sympathizers insist that a yew bow and arrow gives a more 'zen-like' experience.

Anonymous said...

with this?

Asterisk said...

Anon @ 7:59,

That is so wimpy. Use the real thing.

There was an apochryphal story during the 1984 Winter Olympics that the Russian and Finnish biathletes would practice on each other, for real, across the frontier between the two countries.

Just think of the marketing appeal of archery cyclocross with live arrows. Could open a whole new revenue stream for Versus that is far more fitting for their programming than the TdF.


Wicknasty said...

even if you go back ward, you are still technically accelerating

Stupid Name. said...

My god this is painful to watch.

Extend the damn cyclocross season, road bikes with studded snow tires in the snow, use thse crazy biathalon guns, with the wide shoulder straps, and shoot at hipsters playing bike polo.

Now thats a sport everybody would give money to watch, even in Vancouver.

Andy Pandy said...

He was in Mongolia to source that little known product , boiled curdled yak milk , which is known some circles to be a psychedelic, but lesser known to be a untraceable steroid /EPO which will enable him to return to pro racing and whip the crème off the faces of the pro peleton. Plus you do not have to inject just digest as we know the pro peleton are pussies.

Surfs Up

Frieda said...

I was always told I was named after my grandfather, Fritz.

I have naturally curly hair, too!

Andy Pandy said...

PS Frills, buy your own tools and enjoy the forefillment of constantly oil encrusted fingernails, chain tatts and Eau de Pedro's as a signature fragrance

Six foot and going orfff like a prawn in the sun,, why am I still here

wishiwasmerckx said...

Almost there!

wishiwasmerckx said...

100th, bitches.

ibn bin necker said...

one more post

ibn bin necker said...

aw damm
im pronuncing one of them fatty was aginst you curses you infidil dog

Andy Pandy said...

wishiwasmerckx... I expect the same standard of lead out to be returned in future encounters

George Not Hincapie said...

So I should feel bad about being a newbie? Nah. Not that it matters to me, I don't follow trails through life.
I prefer to ride alone and sometimes with other people who prefer to ride alone.

Anonymous said...

need to just say this post was supurb..

Anonymous said...

AP--funny you should mention chain tatts. It took me half the summer to finally get through a ride without that telltale imprint. Quelle embarrassement!

As for the eau de Pedro, its probably just as expensive per ounce as my current French signature scent.

Alley Oop said...

Man, that Wilma Flintstone is HOT!

leroy said...

Nearly had a head on tonight with a cab driving the wrong way on Third Avenue.

Saw my life flash before me.

I know I should have been more interested, but I couldn't help wondering if I could TIVO it and skip the commercials.

Why is it that when your life flashes before you, you're too busy to pay attention? Hardly seems fair.

CommieCanuck said...

Why is it that when your life flashes before you, you're too busy to pay attention? Hardly seems fair.

There was a great NY times article written by a man who fell off a cliff hiking and saw his life flash before him. He made the following recommendations:
1. don't sleep so much, it's boring to watch over again.
2. You have no idea how much time you spend on the toilet.
3. Have all sex with the lights on and covers off.

CommieCanuck said...

Wilma, is so clearly the prefect name for a female Fred.

Oh, sure councilor, shit on the 'stones.

Mister bike guy, you think you could pedal a 4-seater car made of rock?

Respect your elders.

sufferist said...

Leroy: Is your life sponsored? Like "mid-life anxiety" brought to you by Prell shampoo? That would be awesome since I suffer from mid-life anxiety and would not be opposed to getting someone to underwrite my existence provided I shill their product every 12 minutes or so.

Anonymous said...

careening, right? i missed the ironic mis-use of careering in your older posts. i assume this is ironic. if i say it bugs me will you only use it more?

leroy said...

CC & Sufferist --

You know, now that I think about it, that might have been someone else's life flash before me.

I definitely do not recall any incident involving Belgians, dwarves and lots and lots of feathers.

Honestly, this must be what all those doctors are talking about when they discuss Post Traumatic Stree Disorder.

I have a near death experience and someone else's life flashes before me.

And it's more interesting.


leroy said...

And my ability to type has obviously been compromised.

Double bummer.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Leroy, I'm feeling a lot of stree myself today.

Fred said...

The essence of being a Fred is to have a blog about being a Fred, but to miss the most Fred-centric BSNYC post in some time, and then to post a comment to that day-old post when no one's looking anymore.

Sheldon Brown is the true spiritual master of the Freds. Fuck Lance.

Philip Williamson said...

Anon. 10:50 - "Career" is correct and underutilized. And now that I look it up, I see it's actually correcter than "careen."
It's fast and reckless, without the leaning of careen.

St. Sheldon. In the cycling hagiography, he's Patron Saint of Freds, Fixters and Mechanics. I'm going to light a candle to him and try to fix a broken spring on a double-rail Brooks B72 with some aluminum tubing and a little JB Weld.

Odile Lee said...

'mongolian horsemen would tenderize a piece of horse meat by keeping it under the saddle on a long ride.'
Yeah but the pros are known for using steak INSIDE their shorts( old saddle sore cure).
Im glad Im a vegetarian! You never know whose tenderizing that stuff?
Oh and Snob - you dont have to eat the Vag. Just have the broccoli, ok honey?

Anonymous said...

Refreshing. Even more so if it were penned by a man!

Anonymous said...

get a life.

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