Thursday, September 10, 2009

The Slap of Luxury: Vulgar Displays of Earning Power

If polo is the "Sport of Kings" (and water polo is "The Sport of Moist Kings"), then bike polo is surely "The Sport of Hipsters." (Though arguably it's got an even dorkier challenger in the form of ironic kickball.) Personally, I don't see the appeal of bike polo, since three of my favorite things about cycling are: it allows you travel for long distances; you don't have to carry a stick; and you don't need to push any balls around (apart from periodic crotchal adjustments of course). Furthermore, I find most of bike polo's "weird style diktats" vexing, and I imagine many of the "sport's" adherents spend much of their free time doing bong hits and listening to "stoner metal" while fashioning mallets and painting their wheel covers. However, it seems that the activity may be permeating the thin membrane that separates us from the "cultural elite," since there's a great big photograph of some sweaty bike polo players fighting over a ball in the latest issue of The New Yorker (which, it so happens, also includes a short piece having nothing to do with bicycles by Robert Sullivan, the inventor of "schluffing"):

I was actually pleased to see this photograph since I read The New Yorker expressly to irritate myself, and once again it did not disappoint. As any masochist will tell you, there's sublime pleasure in displeasure, and for this reason it's strangely enjoyable to read about how "Brüno" wasn't funny or how "Inglourious Basterds" was a bad movie, or to savor a disgustingly self-important Sacha Frere-Jones phrase like, "when I was a young boy, studying Elvis Costello's music..." Just because you liked something doesn't mean you studied it, in the same way that just because you installed some lime green grips on your Pista doesn't mean you "curated" it. If only "when I was a young boy" my teachers knew that the reason for my bad grades wasn't a lack of studying, but rather a surfeit of studying important subjects like crappy music, writing on my jeans, and masturbation, then perhaps I would have gone further as a student, and consequently in life. I guess "studying" just means "checking out bullshit," just like "culture" means "stuff you can buy."

Still, the inclusion of a bike polo photo in a publication as august (by which I mean stuffy, boring, and totally last month) as The New Yorker is yet more proof that our popular culture is obsessed with cycling. (Or, as the popular culture insists on calling it, "biking.") Here's yet another New York Times article telling us something we already know, which is that people in fashion love Dutch city bikes:

It's definitely true that monied fops and dandies are taking to the streets astride Dutch city bikes in increasing numbers. Indeed, the only thing remarkable about this photo is that the rider is not salmoning; a Dutch bike rider going with the traffic in New York City is nearly as rare a sight as a fixed-gear rider whose underwear isn't showing, or a roadie enjoying himself. In any case, he certainly seems to be having a good time:

But the article isn't only about Dutch city bikes, and his smile and u-lock erection aren't caused only by "biking," or even by the pleasant manner in which his expertly-tailored suit rubs against his thighs while he pedals. He's also smiling because he's the chairman of LVMH, and like so many other executives before him he's unlocked The Awesome Marketing Power of the Bicycle. Whereas bicycle companies once used health and fitness to try to sell bicycles, now fashion companies use bicycles to sell style, hence all the "collabos" and $2,300 Bianchi Pistas. The standard refrain from cyclists when this happens is, "At least more people are riding." However, when it comes to luxury brands I have to disagree. When I see a company using a $9,000 city bike to promote themselves I don't think, "At least more people are riding;" rather, I think "At least more rich people are shopping." And while ITTET we certainly need people to shop, I'm not especially comforted that people are buying things from LVMH. LVMH stands for "Louis Vuitton Moët Hennessy," all of which is overpriced crap that nobody needs.

Maybe I'd feel better about the whole thing though if I looked at fashionable cyclists as "artists:"


Calling living "art" is like calling adolescent masturbation "studying." Appreciating the way people look is fine, and arguably fashion design is a sort of art, but riding a bike in fashionable clothing does not make somebody an artist. "Culture," "curating," "studying;" it's getting increasingly difficult to keep up with our changing language. I guess "living artist" is the new word for "pretentious person." I'll have to add that one to my growing stack of flash cards.

That said, I have no problem with fashionable people cycling; I just have a problem with the self-importance surrounding it. (Though admittedly it is pretty much impossible to separate self-importance from fashion.) However, some people think stylish cycling will lead to accidents:

As a New York City cyclist, I've dodged many a "Beautiful Godzilla." But even though I agree they are bad cyclists, the simple fact is that fashionistas are a "teetery, wobbly" menace regardless of what they're doing. Whether they're on a bicycle coming at you in traffic, or they're jaywalking while on a cellphone, or they're just standing in the middle of the sidewalk with a bunch of Jeffrey bags blocking the other prosaic pedestrians for whom living is not "art" but is simply getting from one place to another so that they can continue to feed themselves and live, the result is the same: they're annoying. The only "Beautiful Godzilla" I've ever collided with was on foot, and she ran out into the street to hail a cab while making a phone call. At least when they're on bikes it's easier to see them coming.

I also acknowledge that it is possible to combine commerce and art, though I don't think that's happening in the world of luxury goods. Instead, it's happening at the "grassroots" level, in the virtual marketplace of the common person known as eBay. Take "BikemanforU," of whom I recently learned from a reader:


BikemanforU looks a bit like that guy with the giant head from "The City of Lost Children:"

Though I suppose he could also be Adam Carolla's older brother:


Anyway, BikemanforU has successfully and elegantly married commerce and art by producing videos to accompany his eBay auctions. Take this one for a Pedro's floor pump:


In it, he interviews the actual pump:



Not only is the interview both hard-hitting and revealing, but he also managed to get comedian Ray Romano to do the voice of the pump. (Either that, or BikemanforU is an extremely talented ventriloquist.) I would very much like to see BikemanforU do a "60 Minutes"-esque news magazine show in which he sits down with inflationary devices of all kinds. Perhaps next he could talk to the mini-pump from the Philadelphia Naked Bike Ride flat fix video I mentioned in yesterday's post:

The cycling world will listen with hushed anticipation as BikemanforU asks the question on everybody's mind: "At any point during your ordeal, did you make contact with the pumper's scranus?" (A reader recently informed me I've been using the word "taint" for males when I should in fact be using the word "scranus." As I said before, it's difficult to keep pace with linguistic evolution, but I'm doing my best.) It will be like when Ed Bradley asked Kathleen Willey, "Was he aroused?" After that, he could interview a Top Tube-Mounted Umbrella, which I spotted yesterday in Manhattan:


Of course, even someone as compelling as BikemanforU probably couldn't fill an entire hour-long TV show, so he'd also need some co-hosts. For this I'd nominate The Bike Shrink, who could do things like psychoanalyze people based on their Republic/Urban Outfitters bike colourway choice:


Or their predilection for wooden handlebars:


Or their use of a PBR can for shimming material:


This would be followed by a gritty exposé on douchebags (or douchebaguettes) who park their Vespas at bike racks:

In the world of rolling dandy perches, the Vespa supersedes even the mighty Dutch city bike, though this gives them no right to take up our parking spaces. Frankly, this person should be ashamed of him- or herself. (Both for riding a Vespa and for blocking a bike rack.) I must confess I did exercise even less chain control than usual when I locked up the Ironic Orange Julius Bike next to this oversized vibrator. It's just my way of saying, "Do not put anything in my flower box."

131 comments:

grkeller1972 said...

1st

Anonymous said...

Mememe!!!

Anonymous said...

oh yeah!

mikeweb said...

podium!!

Anonymous said...

Top ten Chad Woot Who

Daddo said...

six!

ant1 said...

ant1st!

Asterisk said...

*

Asterisk said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Asterisk said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
rezado said...

Oh, the phalicies of large heads.

grog said...

Got wood?

Seanywonton said...

Top 13!

bikesgonewild said...

...bike polo...major "MEH"...even if that is a contradiction in terms...

grog said...

Snob,
There is a better-than-average chance you are hurtling toward heartbreak and searing pain and eternal, shadowless, stygian, hellish gloom.
Not really.

Anonymous said...

Top 20, on a Thursday?

Daddo said...

Play the bike man interview from 4:50, audio only.

Anonymous said...

You had a couple of "Peter Brady Moments" in the NPR interview.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DyooALwfxO8

hillbilly said...

frickin awesome as always!

i think it is "to travel," not "go travel"

hillbilly said...

is that an actual quote from douche frere-jones? what a doofbag

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 1:30pm,

Your observation is even more true than you realize--I was also wearing that exact same shirt.

Hillbilly,

Absolutely, that quote has been bothering me for some time.

--RTMS

rezado said...

I want BikemanforU to interview that Republic frame and ask it why there can be a rear brake mounted on it but no cable stops to keep the cable neat.

bklyn74 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
hillbilly said...

That's terrible, I hope this provided you some closure.

Maybe Sasha should start writing copy for Rapha.

bklyn74 said...

Just when I thought you were going soft. . .you've really brought back the snarkiness since your hiauts, thank god.

chiggins said...

"Culture," "curating," "studying;" it's getting increasingly difficult to keep up with our changing language.

That's a finger you can point right up your own schnoz. Palp what I'm rubbin'?

Anonymous said...

Best post in a while, snob. Keep it up.

Anonymous said...

YOU LIE!

CommieCanuck said...

Vespas are fun, they bring that 1960s Fellini film grace to daily commuting, plus, in Toronto, they are hilarious when those little wheels get stuck in streetcar tracks and launch les douches face first into the roadway. it's fun to see Torontards pay $5000+ for a vintage Lambretta, which of course never ran for more than 100 meters and no parts are available.

I think 'scranus' must be the American version of the Canadian 'scrotanus', that no-man's land that no one dares go to, home to hundreds of weird indigenous species. Kinda like this place. Medicine knows little of the scrotanus, as no one ever graduated from med school as a scrotanologist yet.

bikesgonewild said...

...daddo...

..."Play the bike man interview from 4:50, audio only."...

...hmmm, pedro's or penis ???...

Seanywonton said...

Snob, I'm begging you, PLEASE think twice before posting a photo of Adam Corolla's face! I am a bit traumatized right now. I think the whole thing, or at least from the eyes up, could use a sepia and Larry Kinging.

Meccanico di Veno said...

Kickball @ Col. Summers Park. You just can't get off Portland's dick.

mikeweb said...

Snob, for future reference, note the missing license plate but the old removeable velcro license plate trick on the oversized vibrator. Makes it so that the owner can park on the sidewalk and not risk a ticket because the meter maid (meter man?) can't write a ticket without entering the plate number.

However, the owner can't put the plate back on when they return if someone were perhaps to remove the raspy half of the velocro from said vibrator. Might send a subtle message.

As a famous man once said: "...just sayin'..."

Anonymous said...

Or their predilection for wooden handlebars, Or their use of a PBR can for shimming material:

*facepalm*

They can have fixies and shitty clothing and attitudes, but leave award winning cheap beer out of it plx.

captain said...

ITTETTETTETTET?

wishiwasmerckx said...

Overpriced crap that nobody needs? I dated a girl from Tennessee. Her titties were filled with Hennessy.

Vanonymous said...

Scranus? Please snobby, it's called and ABC. I'm sure that's the proper medical terminology.

mikeweb said...

I thought perinium was the proper medical term?

The real question is what sounds better for the 'groove' on newer anatomic saddles: Taint trough or Scranus slot?

Andy Reimer said...

I think the Pedros pump is actually the OC. He has the familiar 'diktat' of name repetition.

OC: "Bikesnob I'm feeling aroused Bikesnob"

Pedros Pump: "Mr Bikeman I'm hard as steel Mr Bikeman"

bikesgonewild said...

...re: green, white, red wooden handlebar bike...

...now, we've seen some beautiful shaped wooden handlebars on these august/september pages but if you look closely you'll note that 'said' bike's owner simply stuck a stick through the stem n' sawed the ends off...

...which leads me to believe that betty smith was right back in 1943 when she penned "a tree grows in brooklyn"...

...what w/ bsnyc/rtms reading the new yorker, i thought palping another cultural reference was apropos...

Todd said...

Wow. You really do read the New Yorker, Snob. The Inglorious Basterds review they published cracked me up.

bikesgonewild said...

...mikeweb....

..."Taint trough or Scranus slot???"...jeezus...

...i'm sure specialized will be contacting you w/ a job offer any moment now...

Anonymous said...

How much further can cycling be marginalized until it is reduced to dimensions of atomic diameters

Aunt Jane said...

Oh no, dear, you're quite mistaken. Champagne? I need it. Luis Vuitton, not so much.

Anonymous said...

Nice work Snob.

The Parkinsons said...

I've been building up an old man bike but I'm not old enough to ride it yet. To hell if I'll ride a Dutch city bike-- I don't live anywhere near Dutchland.

A Crosscheck with no stickers and Albatross bars is all you need if you want to be a CEO biking to work.

Fritz said...

That looks like Bill O'Reilly on that Phallic U-Lock Sickle

db said...

Thanks for that post. Within the past year, I've decided that I'm done with reading bicycling articles written from "the outside".

They don't get it, and they cannot write about it without a lot of pretentiousness. Hell, they make even knowledgeable cyclists sound pretentious with truncated quotes or sound bites.

FLSH CARD

Astroluc said...

...a roadie enjoying himself.

Gold.

Nearly every roadie I see has a look on their face like “Cycling is serious business, cannot deviate gaze for an instant! Must be serious!! Grrr!!!” and must get annoyed with me (if they happen to catch my gaze) since I’m the guy on his roadbike in his kit with a beaming smile since I LIKE riding my bike, and do it not just for health, but ~gasp~ enjoyment ;)

And I completely agree with the Vespa (or any scooter) parking issue... it's now illegal for them to park on the sidewalk in Boston but I have yet to see a citation on one that is hoarding a bike rack.

GNUK TATZ

Anonymous said...

I agree with you about the whole "making ordinary things pretty so we can charge more" thing is annoying- though I can't get past the idea that rich people's need for expensive and refined things is making a job for some sorry designer that is otherwise totally unqualified for life. Trust me, I regrettably went to art school and a lot of those people are not qualified for anything demanding even the smallest amount of common sense. I guess the deciding factor on how annoying this whole thing is, is whether or not the designer takes themselves seriously. But we are a society of supply and demand, and I think in this instance the demand is what is driving these kinds of trends. I wouldn't point the finger so much at the companies, they are just making more of what people want- crap.

ps-
If I wasn't such a lesbian I would think I had a gigantic crush on you. Oh wait, I do anyway.

Anonymous said...

Snob,
Jack Lawrence brake cables didn't have end caps because he installed Power Cordz. He could have put a knot it though.

woogie said...

love me some dick cheese

Anonymous said...

Uh-oh.

I've used a top tube to carry an umbrella and a fishing rod.
But not at the same time.

I haven't a rifle nor shotgun, so I won't be able to achieve the trifecta. Maybe a hiking staff or a shinai for kendo instead?

I ran out to get a copy of New Yorker and read a mention of Throbbing Gristle. Crazy issue due no doubt to Labor Day vacationing by staff.

hillbilly said...

Astroluc - we wouldn't stare like that if you would just HOLDJA LINE!!!!

I kid, it was gold. Gold, Jerry, gold!

kale said...

Meccanico di Veno-

Dat's McCarren Park in Brooklyn, Bro. If you had bothered to check.

Astroluc said...

hillbilly-

exactly! ;)

mikeweb-

I have always heard it called the grundle... so perhaps the Grundle Canal is a good term for that cut-out?

leroy said...

Pants1! (Sorry ant1)

Sorry I'm late. I was studying. Did I miss anything?

Has the Rapha/LVMH collabo tweed polo jersey dropped?

Anonymous said...

re: ". . . a publication as august (by which I mean stuffy, boring, and totally last month) as The New Yorker . . ."

Do yourself a favor. Go back and read,
“Easy Cocktails from the Cursing Mommy”

Anonymous said...

Snob, you're on fire -- and, I'm stunned that for once I have nothing negative to say. A post utterly free of wayward or corrupt thinking.

Anonymous said...

Easy on the Vespas buddy.

After all, they're just like fat chicks: "Fun to ride until your friends see you on them."

ps - In this part of the world, we call it the choda, but I think I like scranus of scrotanus much better.

jolene said...

bill paxton once tolt me that the game was over when i was watchin aliens with him does that mean i was in school or culture

Je ne sais pas said...

Stoner metal, bong rips, hell yes! Bike Polo, hell no!

Out of all the queered out individuals i know that for some reason choose play this horribly lame sport, non of them ever listen to dystopia, earth, etc etc etc let alone partake in the chillum to my knowledge. From what I've noticed they're mostly the round ups of the second fixed wave's wash out who gave up trying to hit 50mph downhill or thought that riser bars look good and are functional.
but still a good post, as always, as expected.



but still
Fuck bike polo.

mikeweb said...

astroluc, I was going for lamely alliterative names for it - so maybe Grundle gulch?

Disgruntl Ed. said...

One day, I was walking along with my infant daughter in a front carrier. I was dressed presentably. I wore a hat (a fedora, admittedly). It was sunny. My daughter wore a hat and was carrying a flower. I wore sunglasses. My daughter drooled.

We were minding our own business.

Some man who was walking in the other direction smiled at us and said "That's a great visual. Thanks."

If anything more creepy has happened to me, I have suppressed the memory.

Superb posts this week.

Astroluc said...

mikeweb-

grundle gulch, grundle gap... whatever works ;)

CommieCanuck said...

but still
Fuck bike polo.


It will only impress me if they start bike water polo.

Choda? Isn't that the fishy semeny stuff they sell on the East coast?

lenny said...

Dear Lennard,
While watching the Tour de France this year I noticed a piece of hardware on the riders' bikes that I did not recognize attached to the non-drive-side rear chainstay. It was a red circular tab that hung down, usually two-thirds the way back toward the dropout. Several times a motorcycle cameraman would zoom in on the little device, but I never heard any explanation on what it was.
Clay


Dear Clay,
It's a timing transponder. You fucking idiot.
Lennard

bikesgonewild said...

...disgruntled ed...

...it was 'cuz yer daughter was smoking a meershaum pipe...

Anonymous said...

disruntl Ed., c'mon - i'm sure he meant "that's cute" and a dude in a fedora with a flower-carrying infant daughter on his chest does sound pretty cute

but in terms of creepiness, google stretched their box larger to make it "even easier and fun to use" (direct quotation)

Anonymous said...

Wood handlebars really?!?!

CommieCanuck said...

If anything more creepy has happened to me, I have suppressed the memory.

He must have touched your scrotanus.

Anonymous said...

Does touching the scrotanus result in automatic memory suppression?

Is it like a reset button?

ken e. said...

great post. scorching.

LSTN SPS!

(going for lost in space, but get listen spaz!)

Anonymous said...

Saw my first wooden handlebars in Spokane, USA, a couple of hours ago - that fad must be dead

Juan Altitude said...

Thanks for the Pantera reference

Brian said...

naked tire pumper looks like he's playing Wii w/Alec Baldwin

on a girl it's called a tween...home of the perfect weld. I'll be back tomorrow for more studying.

TTMU TTFN

red neckerson said...

i used to sneek out new yorkers out of the pubic libary sos i can look at the cartoons becos some of them was funny

but then ricky comes and sez fuck you red you think yor shit dont stink next think yoll be going to the dam dentist and buy a pair of shoes

so i kicked him in the pants yabbies and tolt him to go fuck himself

then he got reel mad like and said he was going to poison all of jolenes pet dogs becos we was going study at the time

not me and the dogs me and jolene you dumass

then we borried some of billy bobs bathtub meth then we gots our rifles and shot holes in the stop signs out on old buck creek road

bikesgonewild said...

...sparse style to yer chronicles, red but then again i'd suggest so was the style of ernest hemingway...

Fritz said...

"but still
Fuck bike polo."

What if they played it on Penny Farthings and had to take a shot of
Rebel Yell after every chukkar?

Anonymous said...

scranus in mexico = the cobra. love it.

sufferist said...

Fritz: that's one sweet scull, is it yours?

Anonymous said...

And Mario Cipollini leads the gruppetto home!!!

Anonymous said...

"LVMH stands for "Louis Vuitton Moët Hennessy," all of which is overpriced crap that nobody needs."

Actually, the Moët is pretty tasty when Jeeves pours a flute for me while trackstanding the tandem at the lights ... he's quite skillful.


True Wealth.

Fritz said...

yes sufferist that is me on the water

used to have an Alden then switched to a Maas 24, great boat...

Rubb said...

I lived in an apartment complex with limited but unassigned parking, and some dude would park his vespa in an entire parking spot. One time, at 3AM, no spots were left. So I picked his Vespa up to put it on the sidewalk and park my car.

It had an alarm on it. An alarmed Vespa in the middle of UT. I have no regrets of leaving that state.

rolf said...

The New Yorker is meh,
track stands while drinking champagne in flutes is not meh, it is damn impressive.
I would like to see some German, or Taiwanese do that.

jolene said...

red your a tees

richard irvine said...

You crazy Americans with your wooden handlebars, we've just got steel in the UK and for that we're grateful.

The Parkinsons said...

Anonymous 2:48 said:
" though I can't get past the idea that rich people's need for expensive and refined things is making a job for some sorry designer that is otherwise totally unqualified for life."

This is a good point. Craftsmanship and quality cost money and sometimes only the rich are the ones who can or will pay you for this. Does anyone benefit when CEO dude rides a Next?

Kapitan said...

Searing! Vicious! I love it.
WOOD
FRVR

Fierce Panties said...

mikeweb

maple bar eye?

Anonymous said...

maybe you should take up arm wrestling as you should have well developed forearm and hand muscle?

Anonymous said...

I was shocked at the volume of masturbation references. single, much?

here are some knuckle tattoos this article inspired

LVMH HSMB
(fits on the finger more legibly than 'all you luxury haters can suckle my scranus')

VSPA TIPR
(the urban form of the COW TIPR)

WANK WANK
(...)

incidentally, where i'm from the perineum is referred to as the notcha. coz it's notcha balls, and notcha arse.

Bluenoser said...

Snob,

I can't wait for Bicycle Croquet to come into fashion, The hipsters can turn their out of fashion hoops into hoops.

That's quite the hernia the big headed fellow has.

Maybe Jed Clampett can whittle a good set of wooden teeth for the rider of the wooden handlebar bike.

-B

Anonymous said...

Granted, I could be drunk, but that was the funniest post in a fortnight, or perhaps a score of nights (not to be confused with a score-night, which involves a $70 bar tab and a willing partner's soiled bedsheets).

Bluenoser said...

Commie,

We ship the really fishy semeny stuff to Ontario. And whats left the tourists come and get in the summer.

Our part in being a have province now.

-B

Meccanico di Veno said...

My apologies kale, at first glance it looked like Col. Summers Park. I don't even like that rejuvenile crap anyways.

It's just funny when something that's been popular in Portland for more than 5 years starts to show up in NYC. Like bike polo...

Life By The Drop said...

BGW….

As per yesterday:

People are wrong all the time...ALL THE TIME!!"...if yer gonna comment, follow the fucking story...the guy was bent over the owners bike w/ a cordless drill trying to drill out the fucking lock...plain enough for ya !!!

Yes, yes, yes….they had the right guy, this time. I follow threads just fine. Do you really want to live in a city where punishment for crimes are doled out by coffee shop dipshits who are reacting to pure emotion? Really BGW? How ‘bout I see you run a red light and decide hey, I’m ‘gonna take matters into my own hands and club you with tire iron. Surely you can see how this is wrong on every level.


..."That's why we have police and a justice system. All of those shit fucking dickwads deserve to get thrown right in jail."...again, follow the thread...the police in 999.99% of bike theft cases do NOTHING...therefor there is no DETERRENT...these guys were offering a form of deterrent & believe me, they went pretty easy on that moron......

Again, I follow threads just fine, try to follow my point. What happens in bike theft cases makes no difference in this situation. There are all kinds of crimes that go mostly by the wayside. When you start throwing punches and “offering firm deterrents” all kinds of bad shit can happen. Even in that situation the moron could have sustained serious permanent injury, are you telling me you think that would be ok?

So it’s ok by you if punishment for crime is decided by the public on the spot, in the heat of the moment? Is that all crime or just the crime that’s important to you? And yes, I am fair minded, it’s one of the ways I live my life. You think that’s wrong? Hypocritical in some way? Pansy? Oh well.

Anonymous said...

ITTET = in these tough economic times

SKUT KIKR said...

Je ne sais pas
check out the blog: http://www.itmifpitw.com
for good stoner-ish metal.

Anonymous said...

@ anon 2:56

I carry my shinai on my back where it belongs. That leaves the top tube free for my flute.

The bento box is in a proper furoshiki on the M12 rack. At least I finally found out what the damed thing is good for.

g-pap said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
g-pap said...

Not to be a pedant, but...well, why not?
"LVMH" stands for "Moet Hennessey Louis Vuitton" -- it was a condition of the merger.

Crispy said...

Attacking a defenceless bottle of cognac? Forshame sir!

Tom Hanks said...

"scranus' must be the American version of the Canadian 'scrotanus".

Are we referring to the bit between your balls and anus that a line runs along? If so the proper terminology is "spare paddock".

panthro said...

"taint", "scranus", "spare paddock"... i think "sandbar" is a solid term, as well.

bikesgonewild said...

...first off, life by the drop, i don't see the need to buy into your little world of rhetorical questions...

...you've got a faulty fucking logic, pal...

...you rant at me like i'm the evil one here & then you don't offer one fucking solution...on top of that, the answers you propose to your little rhetorical questions are more threatening & full of violence than the actions witnessed on the video which you so supposedly abhor...

...you cast more vitriol in my direction than you do at the moron trying to steal the bike...& why ???...because i acquiesce in this particular case to the actions of the bike owner & his friend ???...gimme a fucking break...
...again...the guy got off lucky...big time lucky...

...so then, just what the fuck would you do or suggest, were you to walk out & find some fool trying to drill out the lock on your fucking bicycle, knowing full well that the cops aren't going to lift a finger to help ???...
...oh, i guess as long as he didn't get yours, that's all that matters, huh ???...
..."don't steal MY bicycle, bro...go on down the street & try someone else's"...

...& any referencing i originally made was to this particular situation & i stand by what i said for one simple reason...in this case, they caught the prick red handed...

...you've proven yourself to be not only a less than upstanding member of society but also simply an apologist for the bike thief...

Anonymous said...

bsnyc + yehuda moon collabo!

Klaus Mohn said...

YHDA MOON
Wow. Can't wait for him to get real start using real cycling vocabulary now, like "crabon" or "centerpiece of the gruppo", and to worry about "how th Kickstand is gonna survive ITTET". Might even be able to milk actual funny jokes out of this.

Anonymous said...

I can afford the 10 grand (rounded off) bike. I cant afford the 24/7 security.

frilly said...

Seanywonton--Any idea how many calories are in a pint of Harps?

sufferist said...

Dearest Frilly: 12.2oz of Harps = 153 calories


more info

frilly said...

So a pint is roughly 190 calories.

Hmmm, that's unfortunate. Thanks. For some reason, I was having a lot of issues trying to find this on-line this morning.

CommieCanuck said...

You crazy Americans with your wooden handlebars, we've just got steel in the UK and for that we're grateful.

Frahrrr..you're lucky you have steel, up here we are use toilet paper spools and duct tape. When I was a kid, my dad couldn't afford fancy 'handlebars', we stuck our thumbs in the stem and pretended, used our hands as brakes, and that was good enough for us. You can tell this to kids today, ...they'll never believe you.

CommieCanuck said...

Does touching the scrotanus result in automatic memory suppression?

No, it's not that simple, you have to press, CTRL+ALT+scrotanus, wait for the /C: prompt, then insert thumb in anus.

CommieCanuck said...

"Our part in being a have province now."

With a $150B deficit, Harper evened it out so we are all not-have provinces.

Anonymous said...

you all have shown how much you've actually know about bike polo. most people play freewheel, and whatever gearing system one uses, the drivetrain is more of an means to end, not the end in its self. and i spend my free time smoking from a vaporizer, listening to "electronic music" and getting an undergraduate degree

velocodger said...

If I wasn't a lesbian in a man's body I would have a crush on snobby too...Apropos of nada, saw a crabon one piece bar/stem yesterday on a crabon 1 speed conversion; http://www.bbbparts.com/handlebars_fiberattack-bhb20.php
I think I would almost have preferred a stick. Less safe but less pretentious.....

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