Thursday, July 30, 2009

Bicycle Marketing: Survival of the Beefiest

(Martha knows great bloggers...and Great Head.)

As you can see from the image above, the BSNYC/RTMS Fat Cyclist Knuckle Tattoo Tribute Contest has heated up and is yielding some stunning submissions. In fact, some of them have rendered me more slack-jawed than Martha Stewart after a 90-minute "hike" around Great Head. However, incredible imagery doesn't only come in the form of contest submissions. Here is a photograph that has absolutely nothing to do with the contest, but which is awe-inspiring nonetheless:

(Taking it lying down.)

The above photo was taken by a reader and comes from the wilds of Canada (actually, the area could be perfectly civilized for all I know, but I just think every part of Canada is "the wilds"--except for the French-speaking parts, which are "Les Sauvages") and as you can see it depicts an actual AYHSMB recumbent. While the AYHSMB rallying cry does have its origins in the fixed-gear "culture," it has subsequently been adopted by the recumbent community as well, since recumbent riders arguably receive more derision than fixed-gear freestylers, off-road unicyclists, freeriders, and men who don't bother to lift the toilet seat before urinating when they visit people's houses combined. Also, it's certainly more fitting, since the recumbent position is far more conducive to receiving testilingus from "haters" than perhaps any other style of cycling.

Speaking of rallying cries, I recently discovered a phrase that could serve as an appealing alternative to AYHSMB, which is "Do Not Put Anything In My Flower Box:"

First of all, unlike AYHSMB, this phrase can be used unironically by those without testicles. Secondly, whereas AYHSMB is confrontational and implies physical contact with your adversary, DNPAIMFB simply calls for your adversary to steer clear of you altogether. Lastly, while ball-sucking is completely lacking in subtlety, putting something in someone's flower box is about as gentle (and fragrant) a metaphor for coitus as any I've ever heard.

The truth is that the world of cycling can be an overly masculine one: too many balls, not enough flower boxes. Take for example the new Gary Fisher road bike, which features a downtube that is "the largest that Fisher or Trek has ever created:"

Honestly, is this really a selling point? Just how large does a downtube need to be? Can you mount twin water bottle cages side by side? Still, many riders will doubtless be seduced by the notion of having a huge downtube swinging back and forth between their legs when they're out of the saddle in that "town line sprint" they're always referring to in the bicycle reviews.

Of course, a great big swollen downtube is worthless if it's not jammed into a "beefy" bottom bracket, so Trek/Fisher have wisely leapfrogged "beefy" and gone right to "robust:"

While crabon fiber is certainly a good material for building race bikes, it also has a dangerous downside. No, I'm not talking about the fact that it can break--after all, steel can break too. I'm talking about something even more dangerous, which is its ability to be molded into all sorts of crazy shapes. This allows bike designers to make all their most engorged phallic visions into reality. If road bikes keep swelling up this way one day you're going to go to Interbike and see a big carbon fiber penis with wheels--though arguably that's what a faired recumbent is already. Maybe that's where all this is going. Once the big bike companies have us all riding bloated bikes, it probably won't be that hard for them to convince us to lie down on them too. It's a recumbent conspiracy, and its insidiousness is matched only by its dorkiness.

That said, The Great Trek Bicycle Making Company and Gary Fisher deserve credit for the "Race Utility" concept, since in addition to making a giant downtube and bottom bracket junction they also took advantage of the opportunity to build some tire clearance and fender mounts into the frame. It's good to see that it's not all about getting us to collectively mount their huge downtube; at least they're offering some practicality, too, and I was genuinely pleased to see it. Still, I think it is important to be wary of "beefy bottom bracket" marketing, since a pair of fender mounts or a few more millimeters of tire clearance will improve the quality of your ride far more than some extra downtube girth or bottom bracket robustitude. In fact, this is a perfect opportunity to try out a new phrase:


Speaking of reviews of bikes with beefy bottom brackets, you may recall that not too long ago I reviewed a Look 566 road bike. Well, I noticed recently that no less a cycling publication than Cyclingnews recently reviewed the very same bike:

Not only that, but they pointed out pretty much the same thing I did, which is that if you're going to build a road bike that "does it all" you might as well include some versatility (or "Race Utility" in Trekspeak) too. Here's what Cyclingnews had to say:

We would have expected a bit more clearance for chubbier, sportive-friendly tyres (25s or maybe even 28s) and single mudguard eyelets also wouldn't hurt – performance is never compromised with slightly larger tyres, and the likelihood of a 566 Origin owner doing a wet brevet/grand fondo/sportive is high.

Of course, they also couched this criticism in the conclusion that the bike is "lively, quick and light for how its specced." (Saying something is "light for how its specced" is kind of like giving someone a discount by charging them 100 cents instead of a dollar; the bike weighs what it weighs, no more and no less.) Furthermore, the reviewer was somehow able to discern that the "squared and twisted chainstays stiffen the ride and soften the bumps." I'm not sure how you'd know that without trying another Look 566 with round and straight chainstays, but then again I'm not a real bike reviewer. Amazingly, though, this has not prevented someone else from sending me a road bike to evaluate, and I plan to "drop" a review in the not-too-distant future. Here's a preview of the bottom bracket shell, in case you're interested:

"Sutured" is the new "robust."

Meanwhile, fashionmonger Marc Jacobs is skipping over beefy bottom brackets and instead harnessing the awesome marketing power of p-fars. Here is the current window display at his store on Bleecker Street in Greenwich Village:


It would appear then that he is moving away from the knuckle tattoo, which I saw recently adorning the Marc Jacobs bag of one fixed-gear rider not too long ago:

Yes, in order to truly understand what's hip you've got to "take it to the streets." And one thing that's certainly not going out of style in New York City is expensive yet poorly-locked track bikes. A reader recently sent me this photo, which depicts a Vivalo that is simply an unbolted wheel away from becoming someone else's:

Basically, the owner is saying, "Help yourself to my bike, but just leave me the front wheel." I realize many people are drawn to track bikes for their air of "urban cool," but maybe they should acquire the street smarts first, then get the fixie.

Another thing that's "blowing up" right now is TWS, or "Texting While Salmoning:"


As well as the triple trends of "vintage" road bikes, skater helmets, and white tires, manifest here on a single bike:


Really "feeling" the tricoloreway. Here's another "vintage" bike, though this one's day-glo:

That's a horse of a different colorway.

161 comments:

Anonymous said...

first

Anonymous said...

Woot! Woot!

ant1 said...

ant1st!

Anonymous said...

FUCKING BEN BONTEMPO BITCHES

Anonymous said...

leave martha alone

Astroluc said...

well... could be worse

Fred said...

Fastest Fred!

Anonymous said...

Hey Rev ! RTM

rezado said...

Raising the question.

Top Jimmy said...

DLR pedaled around on a giant penis on stage during the "Diver Down" era.

It was spectacularly tasteless...

libertyonbikes! said...

tenth?

Anonymous said...

Wow not only going the wrong way and texting but also blocking the whole cross walk. Now I cal that multi tasking!

Estehbahan. said...

Colornowway.

libertyonbikes! said...

no!
got my flower box stuffed!

Anonymous said...

The woman texting must have her cycle racing shoes on and needs a change of shoes to shop in thus starpped around her back.

Gill said...

On such a warm day I thought that all the kids would be outside playing not racing on this message board.

Those darn children are not too smart I take it.

grog said...

GRAT HEAD

libertyonbikes! said...

now I love a vintage bike,
even a day-glo serrotta mountain bike.

but skate helmets?
what, you were skating along and some fix-ster jumped you for your board, and left his bike behind?

and as for Trek's decision (marketing) for tube selection,
lets not forget the Y.

I think those were a little bigger.

Surly Bastard said...

Martha me you guys are fast ...

Fast Eddie said...

Uh, I think the texting salmon is actually looking for a song, definitely looks like she's got earbuds in. And seriously, how the hell does a woman that size beat up a Dyno Taboo Tiki that badly? The paint on that thing's got more chips than a casino! Sheesh.

carl said...

Can't hate on that Zunow.

rezado said...

Isnt the word day-glo a derogatory term for italians

Strayhorn said...

Haysus, who did that welding? I've seen better beads on a WalMart BSO.

In other news, I need a ruling from the style gods in congress assembled. While riding yesterday I had not one, but two folks on scooters wave to me. Now, I normally ride in a rural area and I usually wave to other cyclists when I encounter them, but scooters? Do we acknowledge their existence?

Lately the weather has been nice and lots of weekend warriors have been out on their Harleys. They have started waving too. I always wave back to them because they most likely are armed.

Anonymous said...

Nothing? Not even flowers?

Chris said...

Good call on the downtube envy. I'm not convinced about the utility of a wider fork and wider rear triangle on a _race bike_, however. Sure I might want to ride wider tires on my cross bike or commuter, but this is a $2k to $5k race set up. Isn't making the frame wider essentially the opposite of what every other frame designer (Cervelo, Felt, Ridley, etc) has been doing on their race setups for the last five years? Otherwise, cool looking. If it wasn't for its unnecessary girth, I'd say GF has a winner here.

Anonymous said...

Nothing says "Do Not Put Anything in my Flower Box" like a putative adult blocking traffic while wearing a onesie.

Fred said...

I must admit I disagree with Snob's analysis that the ever-increasing size of frame tubes is a ploy for getting us all on recumbents. I predict that tube size will increase until some manufacturer comes up with innovative new "micro-precision-tubes," which will be simply regular sized frame tubes. At that point everyone will jump on the micro band-wagon until the pro-peloton is basically riding around on frames made of crabon spaghetti strands or possibly re-purposed R-Sys spokes.
Then, of course, someone will have the idea to build with over-sized tubes, and the marketing cycle will begin anew.

mikeweb said...

Ouch, my Great Head!

leroy said...

That Cyclingnews review is just hurtful.

Telling someone "they're light for how they're specced" is just another way of saying "for a fat person, you don't sweat much."

Honestly, that review is just plain mean.

Anonymous said...

I do not wave at motorized vehicles - period. I made the mistake of waving at a kid on a motorized bicycle one time. I regret it to this day.

I do wave at cops though. Dual purpose - It pisses them off that a "faggot" waved at them, but hopefully they will take my side in the event of an altercation with a motorist.

Sprocketboy said...

Fast Eddie @ 1:33: the Bike Salmon (Salmonette?) actually appears to be using a BlackBerry, with the single earbud that comes with it so you can't hear people yelling at you to get off the crosswalk. While I blushingly admit I too have a BlackBerry, I only use it for trolling Craigslist in the hope of filling someone's flowerbox. Or Pistas, also.

Anonymous said...

"Sutured"? I would have said veiny.

tricoloreway, nice.

Fast Eddie said...

@Anon 1:41:

I was thinking the exact opposite. Putative yet attractive young adult + onesie = just asking for someone to put something in her flower box.

rightsaid kev said...

Noli me flower-box tangere

grog said...

Agree--not to wave at scooters, rather point and laugh.

AYHSMartha'sBenWaBalls

Robust said...

Neon love!

Fast Eddie said...

@Sprocketboy:

Perhaps she's doing the same thing with her Blackberry, only she's riding while doing it. Maybe she's waiting for you to fill her flower box.

Fred said...

Speaking of Mavic, did anyone else notice the prototype R-Sys in the shop window behind the texting salmonette?

I would totally rock that wheel on my 566, if the damn thing had enough clearance.

Fast Eddie said...

On second thought, maybe she's looking for a Pista to replace her beat-up old cruiser. Open for interpretation.

Isolation Helmet said...

I imagine that Martha is dreams about beefy downtubes.

ant1 said...

When riding outside of the city and being passed by a motorcycle going the opposite direction, I wave. When they pass me going in the same direction, I yell "cheater". In the city, I do not wave at anything motorized.

Brandon said...

sarnia what!

Anonymous said...

that Outside magazine article is some of your best work yet, Snobby.

mikeweb said...

"Also, it's certainly more fitting, since the recumbent position is far more conducive to receiving testilingus from "haters" than perhaps any other style of cycling."

Note to self: Go buy a recumbant this weekend.

Test Tickle said...

On the left coast, specifically in the Northwest, the skate helmet has been the fixie lid of choice for years. Nothing separates hipsters from those "yuppie leg shaving douches" like a Protec.

"Guy, I ride my bike as a lifestyle." As aforementioned guy walks his fixie up a steep Seattle hill.

And the downtube thing ... didn't Klein do that years ago?

And the recumbent comment regarding access to the crotchal area ... priceless, BS. Simply priceless.

balls.

Tyreless Advocate said...

That's "white tyres" for you, mr. snob!

Anonymous said...

You can put anything you want in my flower box, honey.

Anonymous said...

ROTFL
Great piece of writing.
Glad I found "you", while searching for info on the Midge bar... Weird coincidences.
Cheers to Brooklyn from the German countyside.

Scorched said...

Don't let your flower box get too much sun, though. The results can be bad.

Honey Box said...

Can I put honey in your flower box then?

Anonymous said...

All of us old racers remember the enormous downtubes on Cannondales during the eighties. Or was that the toptubes? My memory has been altered by the Orange Owsley of the sixties.

Anonymous said...

What about some collabo slogans?

All you haters suck my flower box.

or

Do not put anything in my balls.

Astroluc said...

...why, just this morning I passed a salmon in a bike lane looking like he was trying to break the land speed record

Bradley said...

SNOB!!?!?!?? That picture of the recumbent is from Sarnia Ontario...I live literally blocks away from that corner.

Not sure why I felt the need to post this, but trust me, I am slightly honoured in a way (we also overuse 'u's up here in the wilds).

Jim N said...

What, no mention that "The Fisher Control Column (FCC) is the centerpiece of the new bikes"? Also what about the "outboard J-bend spokes" and new hub, which seems to require a wider fork, though the "FCC front wheel is 27 percent stiffer than the previous best fork and wheel combination they tested."

In case lack of front wheel stiffness was bothering you with conventional road bikes....

d. fofonov said...

I am knowing that Mr. Armstrong is reading the comment section, so if I am being so bold:

Mr. Armstrong, last time I am seeing you I lent you portions of my баг балм and am wondering if you would ever be returning the favor. Thanking you in reserve.

Pulverized Concepts said...

Sprocketboy, a female salmon is a hen.

Anonymous said...

bug balm? bag of balm?

Anonymous said...

ALFR ANKN

tom said...

Nucktat susceptible, too:

2 wit:

DNPA IMFB!

Anonymous said...

someone actually considering their safety and rocking a helmet? ghastly !! have you seen what a 40 dollar bike helmet looks like snob ?? its not a skate helmet its an ACTION SPORTS!

Juan Altitude said...

"more slack-jawed than Martha Stewart after a 90-minute "hike" around Great Head" Yes!

Anonymous said...

Is it just me or does that texting bike salmon look like Christina Ricci

kale said...

So when does "Nie pozwól psa oddawania moczu tutaj" come in to the picture?

NPPOMT

Sprocketboy said...

Pulerized Concepts: thank you--we learn something here at BikeSnob everyday. Of course, now it becomes obvious what a male salmon is called. Since bike salmon are usually singular and sexually dimorphic, Mr. Snob should name them for what they are.

Anonymous said...

yep, cheap helmets are looking like sk8er helmets. no way you can be snobbish about this. the cheaper the helmet (<$20) the fewer the holes. I have seen $180 helmets with $30 wind blocking covers to plug holes in the winter, now THAT is funny.

Anonymous said...

nice Kale. very nice. You and fofonov been hanging out?

gives new meaning to DNPAIMFB

Anonymous said...

How the fuck does something simultaneously "stiffen the ride" and "soften the bumps"? These two statements are at direct odds with each other.

carlos said...

yesterdays salmon was riding into a construction zone, talking on the phone, and riding sans hands. Don't think it's possible for the guy to be any more of a tool.

CommieCanuck said...

It's a well known fact that Canadian women lose all control over men on bikes. That guy's recumbent fairing directs cooling air to the testicles, much needed with all that sex he's getting.

CDNB EAVR

CommieCanuck said...

By the way, the entire sticker reads, AYHSMSBP.

All you Haters Suck Maple Syrup off My Balls, Please.

Scraps, Street Theorist said...

One more knuckle tattoo possibility: cartoon characters on bikes.

I saw a guy in a local grocery store in Charlevoix, MI, who had a large Ski-Doo tat on the back of his shaved head. Like a northern version of a Harley tat. So, I was trying to find a repro of said tat when I stumbled upon this Curious George riding bronco fashion bike tattoo on snowmobilefanatic.com:

Look halfway down the page.

http://www.snowmobilefanatics.com/forum/topic/76726/display.aspx



And, hey Snob, like your style.

Peace and bike chain grease,

Scraps

CommieCanuck said...

How the fuck does something simultaneously "stiffen the ride" and "soften the bumps"?

You've obviously never had sex with a Canadian.

Fred said...

Anon @ 2:17, it was the down-tubes. Practically every aluminum mountain bike from the mid-90's also featured an immense down-tube capable of storing several chubs of salami.

Heh, heh. Chubs.

Shram said...

Strayhorn, where the f* do you live??? Where I'm from, you only wave at your own kind, whether cyclist, harley dude, or VW Bug driver.

I regret once waving at a scooter from my motorcycle, a horrible accident, I thought it was another moto. Never again.

Feisty Cyclist said...

Fat down tubes are ugLEE! As a lady cyclist, I like a more aggressive statement than DNPAIMFB: my current fave is "Suck it when it's sweaty, punk," usually yelled to nasty cars/SUVs. Real vintage bikes kick ass--no need for fake retro.

libertyonbikes! said...

"Nothing separates hipsters from those "yuppie leg shaving douches" like a Protec."
so,
using a skate helmet, something totally ineffective, and not functional, to be 'cool'.

Basically,
making like Kris Kross and the backward overalls.
Not functional, just different,
so it's cool?

Fierce Panties said...

In the day ('08) I would give the finger to scooters, the circa 80s 2-stroke hipster driven Motobecanes, that are infesting my burg.

It's not hard to do because my bars are well above saddle level.

I stopped giving the fingerbang because last time 2 waifs circled back and followed me in the bike lane, corralled me, and demanded why I gave the bird.

I couldn't bring myself to telling the truth so I just said, I'm not telling.

That was my best line. Sad really.

libertyonbikes! said...

CC- stiffen & soften?

like meeting a hot girl from Montreal,

and every time she talks it's like listening to Bob & Doug McKenzie

'eh?'

Fierce Panties said...

BSNYC

Found a typo.

Should read, --after all steel can brake too.

Fast Eddie said...

@Fierce Panties,

Not feeling particularly fierce that day?

Fierce Panties said...

You can rock it, slay it, run it, rub it, and now one for the recumbents.

SUPI NEIT

Anonymous said...

Damn it all- i have one of those neon serotta MTB. Now that I've been mocked by the Snob, who will I look down on?

Snob- please post a bike that you actually like/respect/don't hate

Anonymous said...

AYHSMFB

Girls always win..eventually.

Welcome back large downtubes!

Fierce Panties said...

Fast Eddie,

I'm not tellin'

Anonymous said...

CC-

Phew! I thought the 'stiffen and soften' was a new cream by Valtrex.

bikesgonewild said...

...it seems the g-fish is so intent on spreading the word about just "how robust the bottom bracket junction truly is" that he hired someone named 'robbie stout' to shoot the fotos...

...i'm sure you all asked yerselves the same question when you noticed it but is that not wonderfully ironic ???...

...just sayin'...
...'velosrevolusauvage'...

CommieCanuck said...

Once we've gone from "beefy" to "robust", there is no turning back. Future reviews will use terms like, "man-sausage down tube" and "schlongtacular bottom brackets", not to mention "clitoral" Campagnolo thumb shifters. I'm already "groping" my brakes and "molesting" the neighbors dog.

BikeSnobNYC said...

CommieCanuk,

I would give anything to see James Huang use "schlongtacular" in a bike review. (April 1st doesn't count.)

--BSNYC

Luck E. Seven said...

NOTT ELLN



.-

Anonymous said...

I too noticed the Robbie Stout pic credit...

Anonymous said...

Snob,
Someone should give you a new camera to test. Yours is crap! Then you could slay some photo shoots.

Person said...

I've been reading BSNYC for a year and a half... but I cannot remember what the hell "RTMS" stands for. Can anyone help me out?

bikesgonewild said...

...& speaking of ironic selling points...it seems to be a revolving ad but right now the colorway-ed sidebar advertisement is for 'vimax pills' w/ various slogans like "want to be her hero in bed !!! - try vimax pills" & "want to add inches now ??? - suprise her w/ a bigger penis"...

...most ironically, nowhere does it suggest she give 'velosrevolusauvage' a call...

...just sayin'...

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 4:26pm,

I can take a bad picture with anything.

--RTMS

Anonymous said...

Commie Canuck: If you think there's any resemblance between a Campy thumb shifter and a Rosebud...trust me, man, you're doin' it wrong.

ERGO POWR

bikesgonewild said...

...btw...if yer on the receiving end of "martha stewart's 90 minute tour of great head" there's gotta be a point where she starts using those tatted & awfully "manly" looking hands...

...ahhh, just sayin'...

kale said...

Culottes Sauvage-

I'm fingerbanging everyone tonight on my ride home just so I can use that line.

kale said...

Person 4:27-

BAM!

crimerider said...

All You Haters Lick My Flower Box would work too, but may actually get takers.

Anonymous said...

I guess Canadians must actually have sex, but it's sure not something I want to think about often

CommieCanuck said...

anon 4:33...

Dunno where you're from, but you should learn the slang definition of rosebud.

Yes, this means you're gay.

CommieCanuck said...

He will use schlongtacular for a Schwinn as long as his name is on the top tube. His friends know him as James "the Wang" Huang.

Wangtacular?

4/5 yellow jerseys.

rezado said...

Rosey is my new name for people who are assholes.

rezado said...

Get these rosies out of my flower box.

GTROOMFB

WTYM

Anonymous said...

I must say, Canuck, your definition of "rosebud" is not the first (or even second) thing that came to mind. At least for me.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

After all, we do have much better things to do with ourselves (and others) than worry about who might catch Teh Ghey. At least I do.

Anonymous said...

person

As a regular reader I'm aware of the concept of irony. That's why I won't get all angry - I'm assuming you're joking.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Speaking of sex in Canada, do you know why Canadian women like to do it doggy-style? Because then they can both watch the hockey game.

red neckerson said...

well ill tell you one thing bike snob aint married becos he posts pictures of porn and takes pictures of babes with his phone cam i mean if jolene cot me doing neither of them shed cut my balls off with a rusty knife and telling you she tried to do it onced or twiced

he probably hates margaritas too in fact id say that hole article was bullshit becos hes trying to keep his identity safer than batman

i m telling you that my downtube and cowling is bigger than any of you yankee loosers

twister said...

ought to just name a bike Dick then anyone can get the largest Dick bike made, coast up next to someone else w/ a Dick bike and say, My Dick is bigger than yours.

Anonymous said...

Taboo Tiki

Anonymous said...

Here's another phrase, seen at an adult toy store on the shelf next to the pocket pussies: "Don't touch the fucking boxes" DTTFB

Anonymous said...

BJ. BJ. BJ. They say ex-cons do it best. But there is always better.

Anonymous said...

$5 grand for a bike with fender mounts, they can go suck my balls !

Anonymous said...

Can anyone tell me what RTMS stands for?

Anonymous said...

BSNYC, Keep providing links 4 all the acronyms. Also, since the Vuelta is coming up why not go multilingual?

"ALYHSMB...que!?!"

"Significa...TULECMB"

P.S. A-TEX is fertile ground 4 snatching glimpses of poseurs visually declaring their ironic mainstream hater status; especially during SXWS.

Anonymous said...

Sorry, I meant AYHSMB. I was standing on wet leaves. And, I had just left the PureRomance.com site b4 I left this post.

P.S. Sorry again, it's SXSW. Is today Wednesday?

Anonymous said...

Um yeah, I'll take that awful Zunow out of your field of vision, Bikesnob. I'll hide that awful beast from innocent passersby and only take it out for commuting, funrides, coffee runs, some light touring, okay, and maybe some heavy touring.

Jarrett said...

http://boston.craigslist.org/gbs/mis/1296352622.html

Kurt Vonnegut is King said...

I like the fact that the trade-school welds on your next road-bike review candidate were quenched in genuine NYC garbage juice.

Thomas said...

Check out this rear hub... with the spacing BACKWARD. Long axle should be on the threaded side.

http://cgi.ebay.com/NOS-Sachs-New-Success-rear-hub-silver_W0QQitemZ180386155429QQcmdZViewItemQQptZCycling_Parts_Accessories?hash=item29ffda4ba5&_trksid=p3286.c0.m14

belmont sledgehammer said...

Anon 6:44,

What's a pocket pussy?

plane - simple said...

FLWR - SUTR

Anonymous said...

So crabon fiber (or crabon fibre in Canada) can be used in innovative new ways to shape your downtube?

Maybe Fisher can design a downtube that can relax when you aren't using it but stiffen proportionately when you are really pounding. That would give the phrases "relaxed geometry" and "stiff bottom bracket" new meaning. And it would sell a lot of bikes.

I liked the joke about Canadian sex-- thank you and I plan to use it to piss off a few Canadians with it very soon. Not sure what a pissed off Canadian even looks like. An American?

Anonymous said...

I was told that joke before, but it was about two Canadian guys!

Percival Henry Sidgethorpe said...

Your next review piece looks like it was welded by a five year old.

richard irvine said...

Give me a robust bottom bracket over a large downtube any day

bikesgonewild said...

...wishiwasmerckx & anonymouses 12:29 & 1:03am's...

...good lors, the fuck are yas talking about ???...that ain't no joke...nothin' funny about that shit...hockey is woven into the fabric of canadian culture...it's a way of life in canada & thusly watching hockey is a part of that way of life...

...why should sex get in the way of a couple enjoying a good hockey game when the two of 'em can be enjoyed together...

...& every canadian kid can tell ya what hockey game they were conceived during & what the final score was...

...why ???...'cuz their parents proudly told 'em...

ant1 said...

btw, it's called moose style, not doggie, in canada.

leroy said...

PODIUM!

Oh yeah, oh yeah!

It's your birthday, you the ....

Wait. Hunh? What?

Oh.

Never mind.

Excuse me, I gotta go.

kale said...

Sigh...

CommieCanuck said...

Not sure what a pissed off Canadian even looks like. An American?

Pretty much, except without the automatic weapon. We prefer ass-kicking.

CommieCanuck said...

wishiwasmerckx said...
Speaking of sex in Canada, do you know why Canadian women like to do it doggy-style? Because then they can both watch the hockey game.


That's beaver style. Why do American women like to do it missionary-style? To check out the area for other men with a better income and a nicer car.

CommieCanuck said...

FINA is banning swimsuits.. Frilly, finally all your Mike Phelps fantasies will come true!

Udder said...

Boy, Martha sure has big hands. You know what they say about women with big hands...

frilly said...

Not really. He is amazing, but for some reason he reminds me of a big ol' clumsy puppy. No thanks.

CommieCanuck said...

A big clumsy puppy with schlongtacular equipment.

frilly said...

C'est vrai. But I don't have the time or patience for training a puppy no matter how magnificent.

NYC Rhymology said...

The texting-while-salmoning chick gets her own rhymology here: NYC Rhymology. (The verb "to salmon" might be better introduced to the non-cycling public with a photo that demonstrates the concept.)

Luck E. Seven said...

Sure do Udder, and you oughta know.

Big hands means she's a beefy milker!

BENM LKD?



.-

yogisurf said...

I like the pic of the AYHSMB recumbent rider who ‘laying down’ in front of giant EXXON gas storage tanks.

Anonymous said...

That's my green, white and red Benotto locked up outside of Home Sweet Home with a white skater helmet.

Yes, the skater helmet is dumb, I admit, but I'm between helmets, in my defense, and I figured it would be a better idea to ride with one that without one.

White tires, however, I feel strongly about; black rubber looked like shit on that bike, so that's that.

Thanks for the post, I guess. I'll get a new helmet soon.
Cheers,

Anonymous said...

Thank you, BGW and CC.

Now I remember why I wish I was Canadian. Not only is it socially acceptable (and expected) to mix lovin' and hockey, it probably involves beer, as well.

Big said...

The Benotto is hot, son. I'd rock that. And it has gears.

Anonymous said...

Hey what's the address on that track bike. I'll swing by there tomorrow and take it off of the dumb fuckers hands. He shouldn't be riding anyhow. Too stupid.

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Anonymous said...

and the fact that the pic of the "robust" bb attached to the "largest downtube Trek has ever produced" was taken by a Mr. STOUT.

You made milk come out my nose.

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dd said...

hey! I would like to know the model of the tricolor Benotto vintage bike that you have on this post?. You have it?.
Sorry if I write this wrong, but Im from another country and I'm not good with the english.

Thanks anyway.

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Anonymous said...

You know what? I am tired of using motorcycle vehicle! gosh. I was caught by the police last 2 days and I fined with a huge amount! stupid. now on I decided to use my bicycle. over the weekend I will repair my bmx bike that I can use to room around the city. stupid vehicle I just wasted a huge amount of money. I was saving it for christmas. :(


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Barb said...

I have that Benotto Tricolor bicycle for sale in Holland you can check it out here: http://link.marktplaats.nl/538375644

And.. if you want; we can send worldwide!

housewife_bar@hotmail.com