Friday, September 11, 2009

BSNYC Friday Fum Quiz!

One of the best things about being a cyclist is that you've always got something to do with your free time. There's no sitting around and wondering how to spend your weekend--as long as there's a bike and an outside, you've got plans. However, there are times when even the most dedicated cyclists are unable or unwilling to ride for one reason or another. These reasons might include: severe weather; injury; broken or stolen bicycle; or crippling fear of inadvertently being subsumed by a massive naked bike ride.

So if you find yourself standing on the edge of the forbidding crater that is a bicycle-free weekend and are wondering what to do with yourself, you might want to try your hand at making a PSA. As I've mentioned before, the smug-mongers at Transportation Alternatives are having a PSA curation contest, and the deadline has been extended to September 28th:


Even if you do have other plans, remember that it really doesn't take much time to throw a PSA together--anybody who watches local television knows this to be true. You can even make a PSA in the shower if you're creative and you bring a camera in there with you. Really, the shower could be an ideal setting for a graphic PSA about the dangers of naked cycling. However, please don't confuse making PSAs in the shower with making pee in the shower; while I'm totally in favor of making naked videos, I am strongly against in-shower urination.
And while I'd like to say that I'm encouraging people to make PSAs because I believe in public service, the truth is that I'm simply hoping for some cheap laughs since I've somehow wound up on the contest jury. (To be honest, I mistook TA's invitation as a jury duty summons and didn't realize I had a choice.) However, I am honored to be sitting in the figurative jury box with a number of luminous personages. (I mean this literally by the way; Paul Steely White actually glows in the dark.) In fact, if you look at the website I'm actually listed right next to that "No Impact Man" man, who spent a year making toast with a magnifying glass and wiping with his hands:

I'd read his book, but I understand it's printed on recycled sanitary napkins, and quite frankly the thought of touching it kind of freaks me out.

Having said that, I'm now pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right it should be obvious, and if you're wrong you will see a fashion model riding a bicycle.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and be sure to wear a helmet while making shower videos.


--BSNYC/RTMS



1) LVMH stands for:



2) Why does this young child have a number on her tricycle basket?






4) Even though "Dr. G" is probably not a real medical doctor, he may very well have a Ph.D. in "Getting Busy:"

--True
--False





5) Which is not an alternate name for the perineum?







6) Why is this Knog "hipster cyst" dangling?





7) What is a "Furious Fred?"

--A Schwalbe tires treadway





8) This picture taken in Brooklyn is further proof that:




***Special Lectern-On-Wheels-Themed Bonus Question***


What essential piece of equipment has this commuter forgotten?


100 comments:

Martin said...

#1?

Anonymous said...

all you suckers hate my balls

Ben Van Loon said...

Third is good enough for me.

Ron said...

So Close

panino said...

oh yes, it's me. up here!

Anonymous said...

Top Ten!
Yay me!

Anonymous said...

Top 10!?

k-rex said...

why oh why must we know about child triathaletes. Fuck you, NYTimes.

Disgruntl Ed. said...

I don't know how to have fum.

rezado said...

Man, fiadays are so much fum

Anonymous said...

love the blog. 4-ever

Michael J said...

"Direct drive is the new fixed-gear and she's "slaying" an alleycat" brilliant!

Mark from NYC said...

Beefy daddy can fix my trike anytime....

Anonymous said...

Famous scranus

Asterisk said...

aste risk

Anonymous said...

Hey Chad - Timing is everything !

frilly said...

HUNG OVER

captain said...

Is it just me, or does that time warner commercial saying, "It's time to... Pick... Your.... Bundle!", really sound like he's saying "Pick... Your... Grundle"?? Because, whenever I hear it, I do think, "hmm, it is about time for a good ball scratching, thanks.. don't mind if I do."

JClev19 said...

I love Fum.

hillbilly said...

that WAS fum!!!!

whether it's Calvert Toefield, Bear mtn, TA Century, or creating a PSA (I still say that's what the "Don't Steal Bikes Bro" guys were doing), hope everyone has a good weekend

Kurt Vonnegut is King said...

Deadline extended, eh? That's usually a clear sign that all the existing entries are complete garbage.

Anonymous said...

does anybody out there know japanese, I need to have that rinka video translated, it has to be dirty.

Seanywonton said...

"One of the best things about being a cyclist is that you've always got something to do with your free time. There's no sitting around and wondering how to spend your weekend--as long as there's a bike and an outside, you've got plans."

Damn, that's a great quote!

hillbilly said...

sorry, ant1, have fun at fm24!

ant1 said...

ant1st!

Eric Lowe said...

Long Vulvic Mound Hairway is brilliant. It isntantly conjured images of the Butthole Surfers Hairway to Steven, which I studied in my youth.

mikeweb said...

I taint on the podium

chiggins said...

I am strongly against in-shower urination

Yuppies get out of the shower to pee.

Anonymous said...

hey Snobby - thanks for adding a little levity to this day

Anonymous said...

All you haters lickle my sranus...please?

Anonymous said...

The 'New Green Muse' was more punishment than reward.

Astroluc said...

though I did not (fortunately) happen upon a large naked bike-ride, I DID happen upon the very beginning of the Tour De Force charity ride during my commute. Hopefully the officer I saw yesterday riding against traffic, against a light, into turning traffic whilst upon his "Smith and Wesson" MTB is not part of it.

and I am proud to have seen your use of Grundle :D though I wanted to get the questions wrong to see that Rinka girl!

CommieCanuck said...

Right after, "no impact man", you you'll see my listing for high impact man, and my book printed on paper made from ground-up 3,000 year-old wooden religious artifacts. Disposable, of course.

Rinka is now super cool most friendly in Japan, and you gotta love the Japanese and their crotch cam work. You just KNOW there's a vending machine at the Tokyo airport with her panties for sale.

I am strongly against in-shower urination.

Next you'll be telling me using the kitchen sink isn't cool either.

CommieCanuck said...

BTW..anyone above 40 call tell you that PSA stands for "prostate-specific antigen", the test used so man can avoid 'the finger', but doesn't really work.

Anonymous said...

BEDR INKA

Brian said...

recumbent riders are hairy

shmaltz herring said...

Dr. G is friends with Mr. Blackman. They both daven at my shul. By the way, the "G" is for "Goldfarb".

Rantwick said...

That commuter hasn't left behind his dignity! Dignity can be found anywhere, even in naked bike rides.

CommieCanuck said...

Check your facts RTMS, ...Dr.G is my Scrotanologist.

NICE CHDA

klaessig said...

here's a great picture for you. Enjoy! http://thechive.com/2009/04/kid-kissing-pig-with-swine-flu/swine-flu-kids-12/

Anonymous said...

i always piss in the shower. on my feet, actually, to reduce the chance of athlete's foot.

bikesgonewild said...

...TOST WIPE...

leroy said...

Yes, only one wrong! Talk about your end of season fitness!

I feel strong enough to take on that formidible young tri-athlete.

After all, my trike has aerobars.

Ride safe all! (And ride the TA Century this weekend.)

Shram said...

that makes three things we don't have in common Snob:
I like to call it biking, not cycling;
I don't have a problem with putting my bike upside down to remove the back wheel to fix a flat;
and I don't mind pee in the shower.

Frilly, how's ToM?

and whoever said kitchen sink (I'm too lazy to scroll), that's gross. Bathroom sink's cool though.

bikramyoganj said...

I love quiz day. Gonna run up to the shower with helmet right now..

Salty Seattle said...

Lectern on wheels..

Outstanding!

wishiwasmerckx said...

Re question 5: Man, I gotta move to NYC. Out here in the midwest, our Barbie dolls have no sex organs, just a smooth plastic crotch. Yours are anatomically correct. Can you go to the Barbie section at FAO Schwartz in midtown and pick out pubic hair in your choice of the blonde, brunette, redhead or black colorway?

Mad Jack McMad said...

I always thought Scranus was a town in Pennsylvania.

grog said...

Nice one Snob.
All Dees and one Aiye.

FUMK WHIZ

bikesgonewild said...

...surprising greg lemond doesn't ride around on a "lectern on wheels"...

...that could be his little mobile "bully pulpit" wherein he scoots from location to location to warn us of the "evils of lance"...

RichL said...

After some Googling, I'm still unsure of the meaning of P.S.A. As a new reader of your column and not a New Yorker I suppose I'm simply ignorant. Perhaps it stands for Prostate-Specific Antigen but I wonder how I'd make that in the shower.

Anonymous said...

Perfect score on the quiz...and I didn't even study!

Hurray!

Anonymous said...

Perfect score on the quiz...and I didn't even study!

Hurray!

mildstallion said...

"Massif Central" made me LOL. You owe me a new keyboard.

frilly said...

Shram, Its fabulous!

Friday I did not have to drive a van but did the meet & greet at the airport. It was soooo incredibly cool.

Holla to Chad from the Liquigas crew!

The Boog! said...

love me some dick cheese, fellas....

red neckerson said...

chinks and japs and gooks and geeks there all the same to me

Anonymous said...

That doll is not from Japan.

ringcycles said...

The hipster fist fight is fantastic. On pay per view it could be bantam weight ultimate slap boxing.

bikesgonewild said...

...FAKE SLIT...

...RUBR GINA...

Anonymous said...

Peeing in the shower was my last remaining source of joy. A guilty pleaseure - granted. Now I have to get a Bike Snob NYC Seal of Disapproval for my dick. I hope it doesn't ironically seal up my pee hole...

Fierce Panties said...

FAIL

Speaking of ironically,

I'm glad to see the topsiders and khaki shorts ain't ironic yet. That would yield mad street cred, I'd be pressed to respect, if you could leave the house like that.

ken e. said...

red,
they're all the same because you are a lame racist sack of shit.

BLND FUCK

you can be blind or bland!
bonus douchebaggery!

mikeweb said...

Dang! So busy at work haven't even had time to scratch my...

sufferist said...

I reserve the right to pee in the shower. It's efficient and urine is sterile, so no harm, no foul. I do not feel the same as with #2 (ehyuckk).

Anonymous said...

"...and whoever said kitchen sink (I'm too lazy to scroll), that's gross. Bathroom sink's cool though."

Sinks are out no matter what room they are located in. That is just disgusting. May as well take a crap on the kitchen table. People drink water from sinks. I don't drink shower water, but if I did, I would be drinking from above waist level.

Lenny said...

anybody do the mooseknuckle shuffle?

Anonymous said...

People crap in the shower? What do you do if it doesn't go down the drain? I don't even want to think about that...

Anonymous said...

This ad just sounds dirty:

Floor Crew

Seanywonton said...

I don't see what's the problem peeing during a shower when you already wash your grundle/scranus/undercarriage/taint/nifkin in there. It saves me at least 25 seconds a day.
But Dan Savage agrees with you, Snob.

Anonymous said...

Lance in your pants?

jolene said...

im so high on whipets and boones farm rite now wawawaawawawawawawawawawawawa thanks ricky

red neckerson said...

ken e you dumass im a redneck and we is all rasists so fuck you and i like japs and chinks and gooks and geeks im just sayin i cant tell no difference btween them and did you ever see the office episode where michael picks up two jap girls for the chrstmas party and cant tell no difference between them so he made a mark with a sharpie on one of them so he cood keep them straight well fuck you and thank you but michael on the office aint no rasist and i aint anywho

but you yankees are all a bunch of dumfucks specially you kiss my ass

Anonymous said...

I don't have Lance in my Pants, but I do have a Slim Jim. Sometimes more like a Summer Sausage, others a full on Kielbasa...right now, a freakin' kishka up in there!

Shram said...

I agree that peeing in the sink is a little grosser than in the shower. I hardly ever do it.

suckas

Shram said...

SINK PISR

ryan said...

there really is always something to do! damn that's tight!

Anonymous said...

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but this was 1 quiz where I was glad to miss many of the q's and 1 where I actually watched through its entirety. Not the normal retina-searing consequences BikeSnob graces us with. Thanks Snobby!

velocodger said...

It is a fact -pissing in the shower saves water and our planet! Ya just invert the cone of smugness and PISS INTO IT! No drip, no slip! Imagine the excellent addition to the bike moving video; 'We all pissed in the shower together to save the planet and you didn't so there'!!
We can interrogate some guys at a urinal to ask them why they didn't do it in the shower.
Now maybe I can overcome my hummer-yuppie sexist conditioning to actually do this dirty deed!

Salty Seattle said...

Note to self: Pack extra flip-flops for showering, in the overnight bag.

Anonymous said...

"Lance employees say friends consistently ask them if they have Lance in their pants....'We thought it was something that would instantly be on people's tongues,' he said. 'It's really been quite exciting.' "

Astroluc said...

and what the heck is a "fum" quiz?

Life By the Drop said...

BGW,

Ok let me just say that it was late and I should have just waited a few minutes and then deleted that original post. I really didn't mean to offend or anger anyone...just a bit of a rant that got away from me.

I also didn't mean to come off angry & ranting at you. Again, I should have counted to 100 and hit delete. My mantra these days has been... every one needs to calm down. There I was getting angry and escalating a situation. I do apologize.

My only point is that vigilante justice scares the crap out of me because it can go so wrong for both parties. Yes, by the account put forth, that incident seems pretty cut and dry and everyone walked away ok but seems to me by a slim margin.

I don't know that I have a great alternate solution that would provide satisfaction in that situation. But I still can't agree that the actions taken were wise.

I'll now go back to enjoying the fun, humor and entertainment that BSNYC, you, and the others participate in at this here bike themed blog.

bikesgonewild said...

...life on the drop...

...no harm, no foul...

...i enjoy life when things are peaceful myself but i've found that sometimes ya just gotta stand up & say "no fucking way !!!"...

...obviously there are different ways of saying that...these guys chose a little beat-down...

...myself, i don't pretend to be a tough guy but give me the opportunity to confront a guy trying to steal a bike from me & i guarantee you he WILL believe the promise i'd make him...

Anonymous said...

the oly thing worth studying for some is the patina on a regina.

bikesgonewild said...

...GINA TINA...

kfg said...

Protip:

Do not pee on faucet or drink from trap. After that it's all good.

"Serial Blogger" said...

As a kid I got my bike stolen once. By an older teenager in my town. I caught him. Called the cops. Nothing happened.

That pent up aggression would certainly not be good for the sad sap that would get caught stealing my bike I'm working on currently.

Full blown intensive care style strike, directly heading for his suck hole. Pinky swear.

bikesgonewild said...

..."pinky swear"...yep !!!...

...as a kid, a bicycle is yer first real taste of autonomy...yer horizons expand, ya get to breath fresh air in different neighborhoods, feel wind, sun, rain, life itself, in ways never before experienced...

...i can still remember how hollow & defeated i felt when my awesome three speed raleigh was stolen 'cuz it was so much more than "just a bike"...

...i haven't changed much in how i feel about bicycles, all these years later...so, ya, i can relate, serial blogger...

sufferist said...

Hello-

I mourn the loss of my beautiful Blue Schwinn Cruiser. I had it for all of about 2 days. Connor Murray, Andy Whateveryournamewas, Forrest Breeze, Danny and Bobby Outlaw, I think that somewhere in your criminal schemes you know what happpened. We were all punks back then, but it hurt. My mom was trying to make it on her own and did not have too much money for stuff (see car in drive) and the bike was hard to come by and could not (and was not) be replaced. Your callous indiffernece left a mark. There is still a bike shaped hole in my heart.

Paul said...

I find DR.G's accessories tasteful and refreshing.

bikesgonewild said...

...powerful stuff, huh, sufferist ???..."There is still a bike shaped hole in my heart."...nice, if sad, turn of phrase...

...my folks never bought me a bike but i wanted one, bad, so i entered a contest & was lucky enough to actually win my little raleigh...

...when it was stolen, rakin' leaves & shovelin' snow in the neighborhood eventually bought me a funky ass, one speed i hadda strip down & repaint by hand...red w/ black n' white checkerboard tape from the automotive store made it racer-y enough to ride but it was no "three speed raleigh", that's for sure...

sufferist said...

BGW:Yep, then you know where I'm coming from...sorry about the Raleigh...it was probably a sweet ride. My machine was a big and graceful tank. Wide cruiser handlebars, thick steel tubing, and a nice electric blue finish. Nicked off my front porch...ouch...my next bike was several years later...an old grey ten speed. Not sure who made it or when, but it took me all around town and on some crazy ass rides if I think about it now.

I lived in Costa Mesa, inland from the California coast line and beaches and one day I rode the thing all the way to Laguna Beach. There are some serious hills out there. I had no food, I don't think I had a water bottle or anything like that. I might have had some money for a bite to eat when I arrived at my destination, but it was a totally different approach to riding. Ah...the days of my youth...weird to think about that stuff now.

Anyway, together we grieve and remember those items that we once held dear that were taken from us much too soon. I guess the lesson is that attachment can be a real pisser.

bikesgonewild said...

...sufferist...yer "tank" sounds like, stripped down it was "klunker" material, the stuff mtb's evolved from up here in marin...

...re: that "raleigh three speed"...i had mine up in eastern canada, joe breeze & several marin guys i ended up riding & hangin' with through the years, had 'em down here & while those bikes came equipped w/ "upright" bars, when we compared notes, we all to a man, boys at the time actually, had them swapped out for "road racer" drop bars before they left the store...

...we all knew we were "bike guys" from the get go...

Anonymous said...

Am I dense...but if you really were concerned about an 11 speed wheel vs. a 10 speed one- couldn't you just count the sprockets on the cassette? I don't understand the confusion.

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