Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Cycleanalysis: Buy Two and Call Me in the Morning

As we saw yesterday, cycling can be difficult--so much so that people are now hiring "street riding" coaches to teach them how to ride their bikes non-competitively. However, sometimes even having someone hold your hand while you ride around town isn't enough. For example, what if you don't have a bicycle in the first place because the process of obtaining one is too daunting?

Personally, I believe that if you want a bicycle but don't have one and don't know what kind you should get that you should just get any bicycle. That might mean rummaging around in some relative's basement, or buying the cheapest used bike you can find, or going into your LBS and letting them recommend something you can afford. Then, once you ride the thing around for awhile you'll learn pretty quickly what works for you and what doesn't and you can change your equipment accordingly.

Of course, in today's fast-paced, fast-food, abbreviated-texting, processed-cheese, and hyphen-abusing world, few people have the time and patience to enjoy the laterally stiff, vertically compliant, and totally edifying ride of a good old fashioned learning curve. Instead, they expect to buy knowledge and experience like accessories. One would-be entrepreneur knows this all too well, and since there's not yet an eHarmony for bikes, he's gone ahead and hung out a shingle as "The Bike Shrink:"



Looking for bike advice? Talk to the Bike Shrink (Union Square)
Date: 2009-08-18, 3:43PM EDT

Reply to: [deleted]


The Bike Shrink is ready to talk to you about anything and everything that’s on your mind about buying a bike. I’m an impartial (though highly opinionated) third party who is not affiliated with any bike shop or manufacturer. I do not sell gear. All I do is help people talk through their bike issues so they find the bike that’s perfect for them.


For more about what I do and how I might be able to help you, visit:


http://thebikeshrink.blogspot.com/


Thanks!


The Bike Shrink


I was immediately skeptical when I saw this, since taking cycling advice from a person on a tall bike is like taking psychiatric advice from a person dressed as Napoleon or learning table manners from an Australian. Still, I was intrigued, and so I visited his site:

You've got to admit that ITTET this is a clever ploy. By claiming to "mitigate any bike shop B.S." by giving you his own B.S. first for the low, low price of $29.99 (plus tax, mind you, since I'm sure he plans to report this income to the IRS) he's essentially found a way of charging for something that's usually free. This is sort of like paying someone to bottle his tap water for you. Not only that, but by filling clueless people's heads with all sort of "knowledge" before they even set foot in the bike shop he's potentially creating legions of nightmare customers. Anybody who's ever worked in retail knows that the best customers are the ones who know everything and the ones who know nothing, and the absolute worst customers are the ones who think they know something because they read some article or someone marginally less clueless than they are gave them some stupid advice. If customers are fish, he's contaminating them with mercury before they reach the fisherman downstream. Essentially, he's a pre-emptive bullshit artist.

You might wonder then why somebody so knowledgeable about bicycles, so passionate about dispensing advice and helping people purchase them, and so skeptical of "bike shop B.S." doesn't just go to work in a bike shop himself and become the next Sheldon Brown. Well, I can't say for sure, but it is possible that it's for the same reason the crystal healer doesn't work in a hospital, which is that he doesn't know what he's talking about. Or maybe I'm wrong and he does know what he's talking about; moreover, his knowledge could be so profound that he couldn't possibly work in a bike shop because he transcends bike shops, and instead sits beneath a Tree of Enlightenment with a laptop granting bits of wisdom to all who PayPal him. I guess there's no way to know for sure without paying $29.99 for a 30-day session--or paying $69.99 for a 90 day session:

If you're looking for a bicycle and still haven't purchased something after 90 days then you should just give up and buy a Segway. I guess this is why I could never be a "bike shrink." There aren't too many people who would pay 70 bucks to hear that. Anyway, if you're curious feel free to give him a try. After all, there's a "money-back guarantee:"

What if he doesn't answer your third email? Is that a loophole?

I wonder if the Bike Shrink also offers "advanced curation." For example, let's say you want an accessorized, color-coordinated singlespeed Bianchi, you're willing to pay way too much money for it, but you don't want to be yet another Pista-palper. Perhaps then the Bike Shrink would advise you to buy something like this:




Custom Bianchi MUSS S/S MTB - $1500 (Queens Blvd/63rd Drive)
Date: 2009-08-18, 8:35PM EDT

Reply to: [deleted]


I hate to part with this bike but I have one to many and I need some room! Up for sale I have a Bianchi Muss 08 brand new condition the only thing stock on this bike is the frame and brakes frame size is 17.5 So where do I start The wheels I had custom built with Paul hubs laced on a pair of Velocity VXC disc rims with Specialized Armadillo tires next we have Profile cranks with bottom bracket and a hop up bolt kit with a Profile spider web chain ring and clear orange pedals, it also has a Chris King headset ,Salsa Fork, Ritchey stem with 2" riser bar w/ brace and Avid curve brake levers, Thompson seat post and San Marco ERA saddle w/ titanium rails and finally a Surly flask w/a titanium bracket. Everything on this bike is brand new there are no scratches or dents on this bike it's in mint condition. Please call me at 917-602-[deleted]




I feel the same way about mountain bikes with slick tires as I do about people who ride without shirts. While there's nothing really wrong with it, it still offends me. Of course, a lot depends on the circumstances. For example, if you ride your mountain bike offroad most of the time but occasionally need to throw some slicks on it (like to win a road race) I can certainly understand. Similarly, shirtless riding is perfectly acceptable if it's done at the beach. However, riding shirtless in the middle of the city during peak commuting hours is completely unacceptable:


Now that it's August in New York City shirtless riding abounds. Fixed-gear riders, triathletes, and even wan hipsters on old crappy 10 speeds are all baring their sweaty torsos to the world. Perhaps most vexing are people who ride shirtless but still wear bags, like this person I saw recently riding one of those DKNY orange bikes:



I wonder what the Bike Shrink would say about men who ride shirtless. Would he applaud their lack of inhibition, or would he deride their disregard for propriety and the manner in which they foist their hairy nipples on the rest of society? Granted, sometimes we cyclists place far too much emphasis on our clothing, but I think most of us can agree that you should wear clothes--at least most of the time. Still, I do admit that clothing can occasionally create competition where it might otherwise not exist. Take people who ride in street clothes and get really excited when they pass other people wearing lycra:

I'm all for wearing whatever you want, and she certainly looks good on the bike (if a bit sweaty--perhaps she should go shirtless?), but let's take a look at who she "owned:"


Something tells me that the guy in the electric blue skeleton jersey wasn't exactly "throwing down." Just because someone is wearing lycra does not mean they are a racer. Similarly, just because someone has a sleeveless shirt, a bag over their shoulder, and a singlespeed bicycle does not mean they're a messenger or hardcore urban cyclist:

Still, I totally "owned" her.

Even so, competing with strangers while commuting or during recreational rides is a bit ridiculous--especially when you're competing against completely different types of riders on completely different bicycles. Speaking of which, I was wondering what kind of bicycle would be the complete opposite of the Strida pictured above, and I think it very well might be this Softride Xtracycle, spotted by a reader:

By the way, the saddle seems awfully far away from the bars. Perhaps it's also the opposite of a recumbent. And speaking of opposites, the same reader also spotted this RMBL, or Reverse-Mounted Brake Lever:

As fixed-gear riders continue to grip their handlebars directly next to the stem for maximum knuckle tattoo legibility, such brake lever mounting is rapidly becoming the norm. Also increasingly normal is locking the hell out of your Brooks:


As well as not locking your wheels at all:


Looks like another stolen Dura Ace hub post in the making:


Either that, or perhaps the members of the "bike culture" in New York City have all agreed to leave their wheels unlocked as part of an extensive wheel-sharing program. That way, if you get a flat on your way to work and don't have time to fix it you can simply grab one from the nearest bicycle and swap it with your own. Either that, or nobody's worried about having their wheels stolen since all they need to do is have the Bike Shrink find them a suitable replacement, like this "sleeper wheel:"





Vuelta Pista Rear Track Wheel-BRAND NEW - $100
Date: 2009-08-18, 9:19PM EDT
Reply to: [deleted]

Brand new. Have no use for it. I used the front wheel of the wheelset on my bike. Comes with two cogs, 15t and 16t with lockrings on each side. Great/sleeper wheel for any type of riding except for tricking, you need something stronger for that. Bladed spokes (Oh So Aero), machined braking surface, stickers come off easy. I've never ridden on it, was gonna keep as a spare but I've got a Phil+Open Pro on my ride which has a while before it dies. $100 FIRM, don't low ball me. I need Time ATAC pedals, so if you have some used ones that are still tight (good enough for brakeless riding) I will take as partial trade.

I don't know what makes this a "sleeper wheel," but I do know that if you buy it you should leave that plastic axle cap on, since I have a feeling that doing so is going to be the next big thing. At least that's what this Republic/Urban Outfitters bike I spotted recently would indicate:


In an age when mail order singlespeed bikes from clothing retailers are the new department store bikes, it stands to reason that plastic axle caps will soon become the new pie plate.

142 comments:

Pontius Pilate said...

Hail Caesar!

-P.P.

Joe said...

Podium!

the man said...

silvericious!

Pontius Pilate said...

Vēnī, vīdī, vīcī.

-P.P.

TheTye said...

Whatever...

Anonymous said...

hell yeah big Schleck!

hillbilly said...

see, this doesn't count, because I admittedly haven't read yet, but since I'm pretending to be a copy editor, I have to point out "nride" and the missing "I" at beginning of 2nd paragraph. OK, back to the fun.

landis in 06 said...

what urine sample

Jim said...

Wow. This is like Iker Flores getting a Top 10. Totally unexpected.

hillbilly said...

ha! and then i got to the 3rd paragraph! beautiful. abuse those hyphens! let em know you da boss!

ablgus said...

Top wudda won was rewatching Performance

rezado said...

Dancing a jig with Rosie "The Riveter" MCayhsmb

Anonymous said...

Lucky 13.

Todd said...

That Republic Bike is amazing. I hope it inspires someone to elevate their fixed gear freestyle game to include a one legged cross over through loose brake housing.

grog said...

Warning! Reading BSNYC is an inherently dangerous activity and can cause serious injury or death.

ant1 said...

ant1st!

ant1 said...

"...coaches to teach them how to nride their bikes..."

nride?

steve said...

I really like the old dude's skeleton jersey, that is fly!

kale said...

I pump up my tires and I oil my chain.

David said...

top 20

Strayhorn said...

ant1 said nride?

Dude. You nride your crabon bike in front of non-plussed spectators.

c murder said...

... and I always ride through the pain.

Anonymous said...

stuntin'

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vV-BU_CoOXQ&feature=channel_page

Nick said...

Tp water isn't free. So no it's not the same. :)

Anonymous said...

Snobby, Do the plastic axle caps come in different colors yet and in sets of four ? Please advise.

Are you sure it isn't a typo and that person isn't the Bike Shriek ?? He doesn't ride a zen bike but rather a weldmare.

Paul Bowen said...

"Even so, competing with strangers while commuting or during recreational rides is a bit ridiculous--especially when you're competing against completely different types of riders on completely different bicycles."

Ah but Snobbers, that's all accounted for in the rules of Silly Commuter Racing (SCR): http://www.itsnotarace.org/scr-rules/

Disgruntl Ed. said...

But who else will "dispense advise" on which fork to use for kangaroo?

kale said...

I bet VeloChick totally ate those Rockaway Tacos faster than that fat dude with the back hair.

Yeah, you dress up like that and then you can't throw down at an eating competition? Posers. We all know you just got that gut to fit in.

Anonymous said...

What the hell is a knobbly tyre?

JTK said...

new reader and I am addicted.
btw, "because they read some article or someone marginally less clueless then they are gave them some stupid advice." Is it "clueless *than* they are?"

Is the Republic attempting autofellatio? Is this why fixies go brakeless? I love the TTMKHCC (Top Tube Mounted Kryptonite Holder Cable Clip) too.

Thanks for your posts!

Brian said...

my balls are too low to run a sleeper wheel

mikeweb said...

Got held up at the Clorox test stain lab, brought to you by WADA!

Fritz said...

At some point I thought to myself Bike Snob is going to run out of material...but that is simply not the case, it seems to be increasing by the minute and there probably are not enough hours in the day to fit it all in...which is good news

MINGUStheMECHANIC said...

I'm almost positive that I saw a listing for a Bianchi Sass last year on those same steps, something aint right in queens.

I commute(18 mi roundtrip year round) with a singlespeed(horizontal dropouts)mtb and damn it snob! it has slicks on it!
My commute consist of hopping over potholes, pylons and midgets(providing they stay still) for my size, weight and riding style it makes the most sense, and besides its what the bike shrink recommended during my fourth session.

Its not like I'm riding a full suspension 29er w/ slicks like the guy on the third floor who only uses it to commute 40 ish blocks.

Sir Barnaby Theodore Fabblerich said...

That Republic bike offends my sensibilities!

Harrumph!

Anonymous said...

Wow, Silly Commuter Racing is the funniest thing on the internet (next to BSNYC/RTMS) Thank you Paul Bowen, you have positively influenced my life today. I greatly appreciate it.

Anonymous said...

Perhaps plastic axle caps could be foisted over hairy nipples so they would appear less offensive.

Anonymous said...

I loved the velo chic nyc, she is now my favorite bike snob, snob.
Why does she know the model number on her brooks saddle?

I bet she does not flush puppies down the toilet though.

One thing, she is nuts.

But not quite as nuts as the bike shrink. Do people have no shame at all.

Cranky Mule said...

I really like the Republic, started spotting them around town here in ATL. They say a lot about the rider and are actually great conversation starters, I'm just not part of the conversation... "Hey nice bike, I didn't know you rode."

Brian said...

$1 a day to get a glimpse into the world of tall-biking? Sounds like a bargain. Who knows?...maybe 50 percent goes to ALS

Anonymous said...

HARY NIPS

LOWB ALER

grog said...

plastic axle caps are the perfect place for a seal of disapproval.

hillbilly said...

this could provide plenty of material

http://gothamist.com/2009/08/19/puppy-kicking_band_spotted_in_prosp.php#_login

did you notice this whilst biking by in your chicken suit?

Udder said...

I was thinking of starting a consulting service called "The Bike Dick."

For $39.95, I'll criticize and ridicule your current bike and/or the new one you buy.

For $69.95, I'll follow you around in street clothes and race you between lights and celebrate each sprint win with a sly smile.

For $89.95, I'll overlap wheels with you in a paceline forcing you down.

Hey wait, there's already lots of "Bike Dicks" out there already!

nyvelocity said...

udder, that's my job!!!!

jolene said...

i dont tell nobody what they sposed to put their ass on and ride as long as they dont do iit in frommomy kids

Anonymous said...

All you haters, suck my Brooks B17.

Anonymous said...

Rear track wheel with a machined brake surface?

Anonymous said...

Hey, I've ridden a tallbike for a fifty-mile ride. I liked it.
(Primarily because it was a long bike ride with friends and at night.)

For me, tallbikes' greatest drawback is the attention-getting feature.

I advise those looking for a new bike to keep that in mind. Same with recumbents, both draw bearded men to them like magnets, but the recumbent-drawn bearded men tend to be older, fatter, and engineers and the tallbike-drawn bearded men tend to be younger, slender, and drunken.

Nothing wrong with that, just sharing my experience.

Think I can convince the Bike Shrink to let me open a franchise in the Boston market?

There's plenty of advice I give unsolicited, and if it was solicited I'd feel better about giving/selling it. And it would probably be better received.

Skeptical in Secaucus said...

For one thing, the black chick on the 3 speed Schwinn looks like she's a transexual. Lotsa legs, flat chest, etc. So if "she" beat the others, big whoop.

And I think Snobby is the Bike Shrink, using his talents to make more moolah but boo hooing it so people wouldn't think it was him.

That's ok, Snob. In this economy you gotta make money where you can. You're not a woosie.

Anonymous said...

Hey Udder, don't forget, half-wheeling for $3.00 per mile!

ringcycles said...

BSNYC: "This is sort of like paying someone to bottle his tap water for you" Surely you realize that Pepsico (Aquafina) and CocaCola (Dasani) amongst others (Fiji, Poland Springs, ect.) are making huge profits doing just that. Yes, we are sheep and ready to be fleeced. But you should be thankful, where would you get material if people (on bicycles or not) were not prone to self delusion and stupidity?

Udder: NegaCoach already has that service for racers. negacoach.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

Anon: 1:59

A knobbly tyre is a "knobby tire" existing in England.

In other words, it's a tire with many protrusions on the tread for gripping soft surfaces and for making a buzzing noise on pavement.

A "tired knob" is something else entirely. Rubbing those can lead to discharge of fluids not unlike tire slime.

bikramyoganj said...

This is the first blog I have ever followed and its only been about a month so who knows, it might be over soon. So much enjoyed it, the links to bike info that only other people who are in love with their bikes in some way can relate to.

mikeweb said...

Snob, you seriously need to take $29.99 out of the FRS/Clorox/Kaiser Permanente sidebar ad fund and sign up with the bike shrink for some deep undercover information gathering and report back your findings.

We need to know if this guy knows a spoke wrench from a hole in the ground.

I think that the velo-chic might have been dropping the lycra-crabon warriors on this ride. Isn't that kinda like dropping "every single one of the cyclists on the ride" when you're going up Park ave. during 'Summer Streets'? Wow! even dropping the TA volunteer sheparding the rear of the group? You go girl!

g-rock said...

"impartial (though highly opinionated)"...and oxymoronic.

yo-yo-yo hy-phen-a-ted ah-ayt

Brian said...

Anonymous 3:18

Does the bike shrink know your selling him out?

COCK BLOK

yogisurf said...

Is Snobby the Bike Shrink? There is evidence:
Bike Shrink N.Y.C.
Bike Snob N.Y.C.

Great marketing to ride a bike that needs shrinking. Or does that work against him?

bikesgonewild said...

...LONG LEGS...

...ENDA RIDE...

...EATN TACO...

...HOTS TUFF...

mikeweb said...

I find it interesting that the Bike Shrink has no e-mail address to contact him if you have a question before you hand over $29.99

Just put your $$ into Paypal and pray for the best I guess... maybe his real name is Madoff.

Anonymous said...

BS --
Whoa. I usually love and adore you. You, usually, are my sure-fire best shot at a happy laughicular moment M-F, but trashing thebikeshrink right outta the shoot does not fly with me. In the economy (aren't we all so tired of saying, 'in this economy'), if the guy with a reasonable knowledge base can figure out a way to survive and provide a service and make a little coin, let alone maybe pay his rent -- then let him do it without short-sheeting him from the bleedin' get go! Who are you to stop him?
He is simply trying to be smart and create his own niche. Isn't that EXACTLY what you have done with your great blog that we all love so much? Oh, and your soon-to-be book? Take on a Fortune 500 company but leave the little would-be rent-paying guy alone. If you go to a LBS and they sell three brands, they, obviously, are gonna push those three brands. LBSs do not work like Macy's in The Miracle on 34th Street", id est, they do not send you to Gimbels' (RIP) if they do not have what you are looking for.
Sorry babe, but I think you owe this guy some reconsideration. The VERY LEAST you can do is apologize and then sign up for a session. I'm sure (okay, I'm guessing) he'll give you a free go as a means of getting potentially great P/R. Maybe he's an idiot. Maybe he’s totally inept. Maybe he doesn't know a thing. But, maybe he does.
Consumer Reports does not JUST look at an ad and then provide a report. Unlike you, in this situation, CR actually tests the product or service. And, EHarmony (ick) works for some people, so we are led to believe.
Darlin’ you need to rethink your position on this one.
-- M

BikeSnobNYC said...

Yogisurf,

Yes, I save on initials. I also save time by not reading my clients' emails and just telling them all to buy the exact same bike. (If you start seeing a dramatic increase in the number of ill-fitting Specialized Langster Tokyos around town you'll know why).

--BSNYC

Anonymous said...

ps Oh, and if thebikeshrink does not provide an email address or other means of contact, then maybe he is a complete and total idiot. -- M

mikeweb said...

bgw, those nuk-tats are lookin' like you seem to be smitten with the velochick... can't say I'm not a little intrigued myself... don't forget to come back and visit once in a while...

;^)

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 3:55pm,

Thanks for your comment. I understand what you're saying. However, keep in mind that:

1) I'm not stopping him at all. In fact more people know about him now than did before I posted about him. He's free to offer his service and I'm free to comment on it;

2) He and I are not doing the same thing. He's asking for money before dispensing his advice. My first post didn't say, "Send me money and I'll send you something funny." Moreover, my blog is still free, and even when my book comes out you'll be able to see it before you buy it it;

3) Shops do push the brands they sell, but they also will give you free advice before you buy, and you're also free to go to as many shops selling as many different brands as you like before you make a decision.

In all sincerity, I think someone like The Bike Shrink would be wiser to write a blog in which he shares his knowledge with cyclists and potential cyclists for free. If his knowledge is indeed useful and worthwhile it will become a resource and he will benefit along with everyone else. But again, he's free to approach it the way he is now (assuming he is in fact legit), and I'm free to comment on it.

Again, thanks for your comment--I see your point and I thought you deserved a sincere reply.

Respectfully,

--BSNYC

Anonymous said...

BS --

Got it. Concur. Appreciate your thoughtful, and wildly immediate, reply.

And, absolutely: Your coverage, whether pro or con, is the best thing he could hope for. Further, this could be an excellent learning experience, a great lesson in marketing, for him.

Respectfully, as well, my dear.

-- M

Anonymous said...

"Hyphen-abusing" Awesome

HYPH N8TD

yogisurf said...

BSNYC, LOL. BTW, I've decided to tabulate all my sins and post them in my blog profile. Today I learned about Mt. bikes with slicks. GUILTY on one count!. I use too many hyphens too.

mellowvelo said...

Normally I wouldn't ever condone cyclist bashing (sarcasm an exception), but I really wanted to leave nasty comments on VeloChick's site. (I restrained myself.)

What person willingly rides 40 miles in heels if they don't have to? And, OK, so you might drop me and my carbon bike on my recovery ride (that didn't really look like a fast-paced training ride), but meet me on the crit course in those heels and on that bike and we shall see how you do when I'm riding for real.

Besides, how do you "drop" people on a group city ride? She probably worked her way to the front of the pack and no one challenged her because they didn't want to get speared by a heel when her feet slipped off the pedals.

I like how immediately after she craps on those riders, she writes how she loves all bikes and riding. Where was that love in the group ride?

I'm not a "wannabe." I'm just not a professional with a UCI blood passport. I just like spandex. And it's practical.

'Diff strokes, 'diff folks.

Phew. I feel better now. Back to being nice.

Anonymous said...

ps

Pursuant to the entire dialogue, and especially your point about his approach, thebikeshrink would also do well to Read Chris Anderson's "Free: The Future of a Radical Price".

Cheers,
Queen of the afterthought aka M

Kevin said...

snob, you're on fire this week!

JTK said...

VeloChick said, "...I went on a 40 mile ride with a group of 50+ people this weekend." It was a Masters ride? She's excited about dropping Boomers? Ageist!

Disgruntl Ed. said...

Furthermore, VeloChick wrote "it's" where she should have written "its."

hillbilly said...

well said mellow velo...and yes mikeweb, as in madoff with my money. sorry. that was terrible.

NegativeYoda said...

Plastic axle caps are the new leaving the price tag on your hat

Anonymous said...

Velo annoyed the hell out of me too....bet it was that waterfront "epic" ride....or one of these damn brooklynbybike rides.....you know, she asks for "donations" for her rides as well?

excused and abused said...

top 5 reasons i got dropped by velochick:
1-i have to stop to pee every half block
2-my training wheels kept getting caught in the sewer grate
3-my u lock and chains weigh a combined 127 lb's
4-my square wheeled fixie got a flat
5-i after catching a glimpse of her backside on a bikeseat, i had to stop and throwup

Salty Seattle said...

Wow, that just gave me an idea. I could create a service where I randomly bleed once a month, and charge $49.95, plus bitching.

I love this economy.

bikesgonewild said...

...anon 3:55pm & mellowvelo...sheesh...long hot summer or what ???...
...sending you both some "chill pills"...wash 'em down w/ "eau d' irony"..."take two & don't call me in the morning"...

...mikeweb...just my little knuckle-tat poem...& whilst velochick sees herself riding w/ the power of a 'trans-am', showing her heels to the world, i'm just hopin' she's not "trans" anything else...
..."i'd be glad to know, that's a camel-toe !!!"...

big al said...

hmmm, i'm detecting a rom-com-style rivalry developing between BSNYC & velochic. could we have a love connection on our hands?

bikesgonewild said...

...salty seattle...

...while most guys pay for it one way or the other, THAT part of the service we seem to get for free...

...just sayin'...

Muss up high said...

the muss??? maybe it doesn't have a beefy bottom bracket (cue video), but it's got an enormously tall front end. aside from the 26" wheel on a 29" fork and the plentiful spacer stack, it's always very important to cross-brace your riser bar.

Anonymous said...

is anyone else amused by the fact that Nash-formance's "Vuelta" wheel uses both a spanish name and italian colors.

smoen said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b36Yi-Pb1wM&eurl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.geekologie.com%2F2009%2F08%2Fsport_indoor_synchronized_bicy.php&feature=player_embedded

Anonymous said...

that video is great

Salty Seattle said...

bgw-

Yeah, you're right.

I give away bike advice for free too.

'bout Velochick. I can't be bothered to read her story. Wow. She rides 40 miles in a flat city. Oooo! You're scary tough! How 'bout you rest them sore tootsies, while I recall my most recent 8,000 feet of climbing. (Oops! I'm not the one that needs validation. Must've slipped out.)

To her credit, the hard soles on most heels are conducive to maximum power transfer. Just ask all the babes in Copenhagen, who do ride in heels every day, in full business attire.

wishiwasmerckx said...

"Hairy Nipple" is the hottest new colorway. I hear Ben and Jerry's is making it into a limited edition flavorway as well.

Anonymous said...

Anon 2:19: glad you liked it! When I discovered SCR (think it may have been through a comment posted on this very blog as it goes) my main response was relief that I weren't the only one!

Mellowvelo: "What person willingly rides 40 miles in heels if they don't have to?" A trannie? Anyway, wht are heels a big deal? Who uses their heels when cycling?

Salty Seattle @ 5:03: larfed.

Snobbers: agree with Kevin, already a golden week, thank you.

Paul Bowen (won't let me add my name on 'choose an identity')

Anonymous said...

Jaeger Mac Sez:

Repeat after me now: OMM, OOOOOMMMMM, OOOOOOOOOOMMMMMM. Now please PayPal me $29.98 plus Tax

Anonymous said...

BOTL DH20

Anonymous said...

---- ----

Anonymous said...

BROM PTON

Anonymous said...

Wow! Now that bike purchasing advice is considered a professional service, I can just refer the idiots that ask me about their kid's bike or what kinda bike their wife should buy to a professional. You know, like not giving out medical or legal advice. "Sorry," I will say, "I can't give free professional advice and I am not licensed anyway."

Peregrine Merceron Amplethorpe said...

The last bike is purely hideous, beside the colour scheme, reflectors on the wheels, post and bars, in combination with cravenly loose cabling make for a most disappointing combination.

Anonymous said...

I read your post, I was happy, in fact it was probably one of the best.

I read the comments, I was sad.


"Nega-Coach services are not just for men. If you are a hot female athlete, we can help you conquer the overinflated ego and enormous self-esteem built up by years of overachievement and adulation by the opposite sex. Our proven techniques will make you realize that despite your smokin' good looks, magnetic personality, and genetic superiority, you are still a piece of shit that doesn't work hard enough to deserve cycling succcess. Nega-Coach will bring you back down to earth, maybe even lower"

ALYHSMB

Anonymous said...

I swear I saw a Dahon folding Xtracycle today. Has anyone else seen this rare and strange specimen?

Phil Ligget said...

I wonder how deep velo-chic had to dig into her over-sized handbag of obliviousness to "drop" all those MTBs?

Anonymous said...

all this mention of "owning" people, from the mouth of a black individual...

Anonymous said...

there'S some rs approved prick on velocipedesalon selling what man1 does flux. cocks grow on trees. like santa.

Salty Seattle said...

Anon 5:37-

YW!

And thank you for expanding my vocabulary!

Hail Wednesday!

Anonymous said...

theres only one hot ptoduct this year, thats the one that is best for you. edge. and suck my goddamn balls over an ikea lighted coffee while i tell you how relevant i am, how impartial i am and sell you an item that i know nothing about. come for a massage. get a wank.

Anonymous said...

dahon rock the price decicion nuts off brompton.

Anonymous said...

smoen: anyone can click on whatever youtube decides is right for you next based on yesterdays decicion.

Anonymous said...

not possible to own a strida rider. the bottom crossmember does that. look for the cracks at the front.

Anonymous said...

roland plastics?

Blackest Dickerson said...

how about, "bottles your own tap water for you."

Anonymous said...

ive been removing plastic axle caps for years. piece of piss. but why bother? any intenational cycling jetsetter will know its quicker to leave them in place. no bikeshiop stocks them, same as those plastic fork things. gold dust.

where are the reflectors? where are the lights? where are are the things required to meet bicycle law?

Anonymous said...

I got my bike in the post. You had to "collect" your stinky thing.

Anonymous said...

vuelta suck. oem rim moulds from zipp. (last years crap). shitty alloy/steel spokes, with the hub ends too long, so they make a noise on the hub body. I thought Fiat were bad.

Anonymous said...

Sram your stuffs to soft. muscle men like me strip threads.

Anonymous said...

oi. i already know what clorox2 is from yesterday. why would i need to check again?

Anonymous said...

im looking for a military golf course in arizona. can anyone help?

Anonymous said...

Call Me in Mourning

sumadis said...

re: M.U.S.S. for sale.

THAT clearly is a pot dealer's cash-laundering project. Let's see, you buy a fully assembled complete 1 speed mtb designed and built to not need rebuilding, and proceed to replace it with parts that have nothing to do with function and everything to do with fa$hion, 'cause obviously there's 1/8th's of money burning in your pocket and what better to do than throw some heavy ass BMX cranks on a SS MTB that's never gonna go off road anyway. The parts pick is definitely a Wed.Weed decision process - the whole thing smells like a skunk.

Anonymous said...

My pants yabbies itch

leroy said...

First you gotta shave your legs, now you have to wear high heels too?

Well, okay, if it makes me faster.

But do they come in SPDs?

Anonymous said...

love the 'spicy asian chick' on the truck behind the strida chick.

Anonymous said...

"[like] learning table manners from an Australian"
Your funniest in quite a while, producing actual LOL.
On the subject of slicks on MTB: while slicks on a modern one are silly, 80s-era MTBs (which were essentially touring frames with enormous clearance, before all this springy nonsense) with slicks were very fast, yet did not hammer the rider the way 8 hours on a fix or roadbike would, thus providing me with much messenger income in those years.

Anonymous said...

Love people who claim that they "own" other people (nice slang, by the way, especially considering the source) by passing people who don't even know that they are racing and are not the least bit interested in racing. I can pass a lot of people like that--

Hey, on second thought, good idea and I take back the criticism.

A closely related theme is the rider who sneaks up from behind, passes you, and then slows down and forces you to slow down or pass them, triggering god knows what. I hate these people.

Red neckerson said...

Snobbie I'll handle yet complaint department for you for
Free as a special intrdictory offer hey watch this

Deer noname dumfuck

Sorry you didn't like my post

So fuck you

I hope were still friends so you buy my book because of you don't your a faggot

Respectfullike bullshit

Anonymous said...

Wednesday weed!

Choy said...

Haha. It took me a few days to realize the axle cap was still on my Republic.
Hilarious post as always!

Anonymous said...

The reverse elitism that hipsterism has produced is pretty ironic. Its sort of like forcing yourself to only drive a shelby cobra or 50's thunderbirds, decrying modern technology as a waste of time.

I can see the argument though that for the vast majority of cyclists, who don't compete and ride pretty casually, a multi-thousand dollar campy record equipped bike is not that important. Sort of like how as a musician it would be horrible to recommend that a beginner purchase an american-made les paul to learn guitar. That said most of these competitions are imaginary mind games where we imagine groups of cyclists to actually exist. There are exclusive and cold people everywhere.

But admittedly its hard to stay mad at even the most inexplicable trends when I ooze at how well a modern carbon bike handles and how snug lycra feels. I think the only piece of wisdom I would like to throw out there is that it is a total myth that you have to spend an arm and a leg to get a really nice modern bike. Most people could get a really good used bike for under $1000. I once saw a $300 aluminum dura-ace road bike that was only a few years old on craigslist.

bikesgonewild said...

...whoa, leroy, wtf !!!...

...oh wait, sorry...never mind...just realized you said sPd's...

...it's all good...

nycifyouare said...

it never fails to impress me, how much you get written in a day. between searching for a new apartment, and working an unpaid internship, I find myself blogging in time that was meant for television. A shame! great post today

Meccanico di Veno said...

If that Bianchi was marketed as an urban assualt bike and not a mountain bike would you still be offended by it's slicks?

7sp said...

I cannot stop looking at that XtraSoft.

The genius. It is paralyzing.

Obviously this person transports flagpoles for a living.

7sp said...

Also, MTB:s with fat slicks (>2,3") are another matter entirely.

They just rock.

The One Who Tied Up the Polls said...

Hmmm... maybe the tax is a pedal usage surcharge, or he is anticipating his customers to be a big pain in the a**. Now I know you north'ners do things differently, but down south you don't charge tax for advisory services.

100poundsago said...

The lime green bike is an abomination.

wle said...

that guy who won the road race on an MTB didn;t have slicks, he had his "buzzing knobblies"

!

i think the bike chic should try buzzing her own knobblies next time

wle.

Reed Enwright said...

Nobody mentioned the hip flask in the bottle cage?!?!?!?!?

Anonymous said...

I can't believe nobody else mentioned the hip flask in the bottle cage.

Anonymous said...

Oh.

Anonymous said...

yeah so she has heels. but hey everyone passes me ,old ladies, big muscly guys in lycra, fat bottomed women. and I wear road shoes so I guess I suck, as its all about the fastest- never mind a year ago I couldnt get out of bed and barely could walk down the street and now ride 28 km on weekends. obviously, my heroics are NOTHING compared to some ditz riding in unsuitable shoes and a top that makes me feel ill.

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Anonymous said...

LA's midnite ridazz seem to be ignorant of basic traffic flow and common safety sense/laws. But they can most def. tell you where to get a bomb ass burrito:

http://www.laweekly.com/2009-10-22/eat-drink/what-is-a-burrito/

Fixies are the new Morrissey for LA chicanos! Where's Larry Clark- he should make a film on this! or on jerk-dancing maybe.

PCLA

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