Gyrating and Curating: Finding the Centerpiece of your Inner Groupo

(A fixed-gear cyclist sets an example we'd all do well to follow.)

While I try not to trouble readers with the mundane workings of this blog, some of you may have noticed the sudden appearance of advertisements on the right side of the page. (There are also ads on the left hand side of the page, but you almost certainly haven't noticed those, since they're subliminal.) This is actually nothing new; in fact, I used to display ads on the right of this page almost from this blog's inception until a little over a month ago, when I somehow ran afoul of the company which served those ads for reasons which were never disclosed to me (though it did coincide with my posting of this image of a woman urinating on a turtle). As such, the current ads are now being served by a different company which is presumably fine with naked turtle urination, and as such the ads look different as well. If this troubles you, please feel free to avert your eyes. Also, while you're certainly free to blame me, you should also blame society, which persists in charging its members for things like goods and services--an arrangement which ITTET is increasingly difficult for many of us. Not only that, but my ongoing quest to jump the shark requires accessories like leather jackets and mankinis (not to mention costly manscaping sessions) and those things just aren't going to pay for themselves. In any case, as advertisements are arguably the cultural equivalent of herpes, I figured I at least owed readers an explanation.

Moving on, a reader has forwarded me the following photo, which proves that locking fixies up high is more popular than ever:

Awhile back I surmised that fixed-gear owners are locking their bikes up in ascending order of cachet, yet this rider has opted to elevate his or her ride despite the absence of any others. While it's entirely possible that before the photographer stumbled upon this scene there was also a Bikesdirect Motobecane locked duly beneath it, it's also possible that this particular Pista proprietor fancies his or her ride superior to all other bicycles regardless of make or cost, and as such simply elevates it at all times as a matter of course. This in turn begs the question: Does the humble Bianchi Pista warrant the high-lock?

Well, this is not as simple a question as it once was. Long ago (well, only like five years ago, but that's 25 years ago in fixed-gear years) the Bianchi Pista was one of the few inexpensive off-the-rack track bikes you could buy. As such, most other track bikes were bound to be more expensive and rare, so the answer was no, the high-lock was not warranted. But then countless manufacturers rushed into the marketplace with various inexpensive fixed-gears and singlespeeds, which tended not to have "true track geometry" (essential for "street cred," discomfort, and toe overlap), and as such inflated the street value of the humble Pista. This in turn led to the heady days of the soaring Pistadex, when new fixed-gear riders were able to sell their Pistas at a profit and buy rarer bikes, more expensive messenger bags, and costly knuckle tattoos, thus transforming themselves instantly into "OG" fixie riders. Of course, this eventually devalued the Pista and created the fixed-gear culture bubble (which popped back in March with disastrous consequences). On top of this, fixed-gear freestyling became increasingly popular, which decreased the demand for things like tight clearances and lightweight frames. Then, sometime in the last year or so, the Pista quietly lost its "true track geometry," and its headtube angle slackened from 74.5 degrees to 72.5 degrees for a 55cm, though its price increased by $200. But while one would think all of this would conspire to banish the Pistadex to the basement forever along with Cannondale stock, and to keep the poor Pista permanently at the bottom of the lock-up totem pole, it seems some riders still feel they're more valuable than ever:


Custom 2009 Bianchi Pista Fixed Gear - Brand New, Used Twice - $1200 (Lower East Side)
Date: 2009-07-20, 8:22PM EDT
Reply to: [deleted]

Brand new 2009 53cm BLUE BIANCHI PISTA fixie, custom --- $1200

This beautiful bike has been ridden twice - perfect for getting around the city and really fun if you love fixies.
It is in mint condition, there are no problems with this bike, I just don't have the space for it.

Components:
53cm blue frame
AClass SOLO 700x23c wheels
Specialized Pro III tires with dual white stripes
Specialized White Toupe Team Saddle WC with championship stripes
Shimano TEKTRO R530 front brake
2 MKS cages with white straps
Fi'zi:k white microtex handle bar tape

Please respond with any questions.

Whereas once the sight of someone attempting to sell a used bicycle for hundreds of dollars more than they paid for it was infuriating, now it is simply quaint. In a way, the seller's naiveté in thinking that something increases in value the more it's been used is actually charming. After all, if things got more valuable the more someone's ass had touched them then used toilet seats would save our economy. (Though used underwear does seem to be a good investment in Japan.) One Craigslist shopper isn't charmed though, and does in fact have some good questions for the seller:


re: Brand new 2009 53cm BLUE BIANCHI PISTA fixie, custom --- $1200
Date: 2009-07-20, 9:00PM EDT
Reply to: see below

Since when does a bicycle retailing for $750 become a $1200 bike. Check the following prices I got when I googled the 2009 Bianchi Pista:

Shopping results for Bianchi Pista Fixed Gear:

2009 Bianchi D2 Pista Fixed Gear $748.99 new - o2 Gear Shop
Bianchi Pista Fixed Gear Bicycle 57 $749.99 new - eBay
Bianchi Pista Steel Fixed Gear Track Bicycle 2009 $749.80 new - Cycle to Fitness

Another question - When did himano take over Tektro. I was under the impression that they were two different companies.

All of these are legitimate questions, though amazingly another Craiglist shopper is leaping to the seller's defense:



Re: re: Brand new 2009 53cm BLUE BIANCHI PISTA fixie, custom --- $1200
Date: 2009-07-20, 10:10PM EDT
Reply to: [deleted]

problem?
Tax and shipping? that brings it up to over 800 The tires, saddle, brake (in the photo it looks like tektro leaver with Shimano *not himano* brake) take it over 1000. With all that work why didnt he replace the headset? Thats the one weak link in this bike. add the pedals and straps plus installation and its up to_ not the $750 your pushing_ I suppose if I wanted this bike I might offer $800 but going by the indicated price the guy might not go for it. does it include the original parts? The original Pista saddle is quite nice.

As everyone who shops on craigs list (except you) know, the price indicated is a start to a negotiation. His price seems a bit high and he is clearly in no rush to sell. You, on the other hand, have some psychological issue that isnt going to be resolved here. As a wacko avenging policeman you are quite entertaining but I imagine you are groping at a process to express your anger. Doing it here is destructive in many ways and can only lead to problems. Try a therapist, they too advertise on Craigs List but do your homework and make sure he or she is good.

While it's possible that this poster is a shill, it's also possible that there really is still someone in 2009 who "might offer $800" for a used Pista and who (perhaps even more astoundingly) also thinks that "the original Pista saddle is quite nice." Most astounding of all though is that the poster refers to the installation of some new tires, a new saddle, and a brake as "all that work." This could indicate that what we're seeing is not some resurgence in the Pistadex at all; rather, we could be seeing a new overemphasis on the perceived value of the labor involved in fixed-gear customization. Indeed, "curation" may be the new inflated Pistadex.

As we've seen before, fixed-gear riders are willing to expend a tremendous amount of time, energy, and money in order to "curate" a bicycle which will then be ridden around town and locked to poles. It's no wonder then that a bicycle now gains more value through "curation" than it loses through actual use. It's also no wonder that "curators" become apoplectic when, after locking their rolling art exhibition to a pole, they find that the aesthetic centerpiece of their groupo has been stolen:

While I detest thieves as much as anybody, I hardly think that our collective failure to prevent the theft of this person's rare Dura Ace hubs indicates that our society is flawed. I do however think that this person's assumption that we not only care about how special his hubs are but are also paying attention to his bicycle as we go about our daily business represents a level of self-importance on par with that of the twatcrust guy. (Actually, given the colorful prose, they could easily be the same person.) I also think that if you're compelled to "curate" a rare and exotic bicycle you probably shouldn't leave it outside. Of course, that doesn't mean you shouldn't feel free to test society's integrity by doing so; it does, however, mean that you probably shouldn't be surprised when society fails to pass that test and your precious wheels get stolen. It's sort of like wondering if your expensive watch is waterproof, testing it by throwing it in the toilet, and then getting upset when it stops working. If there's one "bulletproof" truth in this world, it's that if somebody can take something then they will, and that your grasp on any material item is tenuous at best.

Still, I shouldn't really blame this person for being upset, because the other "bulletproof" truth is that we all want to feel special. That's why we like things that are rare and curated. (This is true of both bikes and meat.) That's also why people ride fixed-gears. Take this person's encounter with someone wearing "Heinrich Himmler glasses:"

If you're wondering what kind of glasses Heinrich Himmler wore, here they are:

Of course, "Heinrich Himmler glasses" could just as easily be a metaphor for seeing things the wrong way, since while Himmler wore glasses to correct his vision the fact was that his worldview was twisted and skewed. (Actually, that's not an easy metaphor at all--it's pretty strained.) Similarly, while this poster points out someone's "Heinrich Himmler glasses," it is he who is afflicted with "Heinrich Himmler glasses" of the soul:

Me and girlfriend where on fixed gears, it means we keep pedaling.It means we can't pedal four yards, then coast and slow down for twenty yards. We keep a constant speed and overtake a lot of people, it's not racing,but people get upset when they're inadequacies are highlighted.

This was tremendously revealing to me. While I've certainly long understood that some people like to ride fixed-gear bikes because it makes them feel special, I had no idea that they actually also felt as if the very act of fixed-gear riding highlights the inadequacies of others. No wonder I feel demoralized and spiritually gutted when a fixter passes me. Moreover, I had no idea that the many fixters who try to pass me on the bridge and who appear to be extending even more effort than I do when I force out a strained Heinrich Himmler metaphor aren't actually racing me--instead, it's simply the nature of the machine forcing them to do so. Not only can't you coast, but I guess you also can't vary your speed at all. I guess that explains all the skidding and light-running.

It stands to reason then that operating such a complicatedly simple machine would require lessons, and a reader has forwarded me a Craigslist post from Miami which indicates that some would-be riders are already soliciting them:

Want to Learn how to Ride a Fixed Gear - $200 (Miami)
Date: 2009-07-19, 12:21PM EDT
Reply to: [deleted]

I'm interested in fixies. Does anyone have some time to show me how to brake, slow down, and pop a wheelie? You will be compensated. Sorry, I cant offer you 200 but throw some suggestions out there. Maybe some greens? Alcohol? Let me know.

I'm not sure what the poster means by "greens." It could be money, the Wednesday Weed, or just some spinach or a nice side of steamed broccoli. In any case, if you're either looking to get high or you've got an iron deficiency and you're in the Miami area you should probably "hit him up" before Urban Outfitters starts offering a "Fixie Clinic."