Thursday, July 16, 2009

Wide Tolerances: Every Component Tells a Story

As you may be aware by now, there has been some extremely distressing news from the Tour de France. No, Lance Armstrong is not in danger of losing the Maillot Célébrité. (Thanks to his recent Robin Williams scar video his lead in that competition is now unassailable.) Rather, it's now being reported that Mark Cavendish may be more than just a Man Missile--he may also be a racist:

Personally, I feel these charges are ridiculous. Firstly, the only thing Cavendish seems to be prejudiced against is losing. Secondly, from what I've been able to figure out, these accusations of racism seem to be based on some supposed "anti-French" remarks, and even if "Manx Headroom" did make such remarks that alone does not qualify as racism. (If simply making fun of French people is racist then "EuroTrip" is the "Birth of a Nation" of the 21st century.) Thirdly--and let's be honest here--the professional peloton is about as ethnically diverse as an episode of "Leave it to Beaver," and even if Cavendish was a raging neo-Nazi he'd have very little opportunity to indulge his boundless hatred. Really, being a racist at the Tour de France is like being a pederast at a retirement home or a carnivore at a vegan buffet--there's really nothing that's going to raise your pulse.

But while a "stealth racist" might be able to make his way through the Tour de France undetected (there's no urine test for intolerance), he'd almost certainly be called out for his wrong-headedness on the streets of New York City, which unlike the Tour de France is a land of many cultures, creeds and colourways. In fact, New York is so diverse that your average ignorant visiting racist would probably be too overwhelmed to figure out who to hate--sort of like how a carnivore at an all-meat Smörgåsbord probably wouldn't know which cold cut to eat first. Take this vanity plate, for example:

Let's just say for the sake of argument that Mark Cavendish was visiting New York City, and let's also just say that he's a flaming racist (which, again, I very much doubt he is). This particular vehicle would almost certainly cause him considerable consternation, because while at first glance he might assume the car is driven by an African American, the lack of a space in "Blackman" could also mean that it is the driver's surname, which could just as easily imply a Semitic background. Sure, generally speaking Jewish people don't use chain license plate frames, but it's worth noting that the driver is wearing a fedora, of which the men of Orthodox Jewry are quite fond:

At this point then the fictitious racist Cavendish would no doubt find himself tongue-tied and unable to decide which invective to hurl first. Perhaps he'd even find himself so confused that he'd realize the absurdity of judging others by their race or religion and ultimately be forced to re-evaluate his twisted worldview. Thus transformed, he might find it within himself to forgive and embrace his French accusers, who will in turn no longer feel the need to level accusations of racism at those who beat them. Yes, the peloton--and the entire world--could potentially be transformed into a paradise of peace, love, and understanding, all thanks to a vanity plate in a novelty frame purchased on impulse at a car wash.

That said, we've still got a ways to go. Even I felt racism's cruel sting recently when an SUV driver hurled a racial epithet at me. Yes, the driver seemed to be under the impression that I was some kind of snack food, even though I am decidedly greenish in hue. While this stung a bit, it also made me think. Unlike the motorist, whose identity is often concealed by his vehicle, the cyclist is out there on display. To what extent then are our experiences out there on the road determined by our races and genders? When we are mistreated, is the mistreatment motivated by prejudice towards the bicycle, or towards the rider? I'd wager it's a bit of both, and in that sense we are vulnerable in a way that goes beyond the lack of sheet metal--indeed, our very selves are on display. Conversely, there are drivers who choose to display themselves, though this is less a display of vulnerability than of pride:

As much as I try to be tolerant and non-judgmental, I can't help but feel like German luxury convertibles are simply floats in the eternal douche parade of life. Don't get me wrong--I'm sure this car makes for a very pleasant driving experience, and I could certainly think of worse things to do than cruise around in a convertible on a summer day. However, it's this very fact which made this particular scene so vexing, for what you can't see in the photo is the extremely loud ambient piano music, which sounded like some kind of hideous Yanni x Enya x Ben Folds "collabo." I'm not sure why you'd spend top dollar to enjoy the outside world while you're in your car, only to both drown it out with incredibly loud music and sicken everybody else in it. It's a mystery as impenetrable as the driver's shellacked coiffure.

Speaking of style exercises, a number of readers have forwarded me this "Dutch Master" collabo/theme/limited edition/whatever meh-chine from the "design" blog "Core77:"

As you can see, this bike is on display at the Ace Hotel on W. 29th street here in New York City, so I figured I'd go check it out. Here it is in the lobby:


Here's a closer look:

Core77 is apparently under the impression that some smarmy wayward traveler is going to be taken with this thing and order one, since they had a whole stack of information sheets next to it:


I apologize for the appearance of the sheet--I picked up some takeout afterward and it got all crumpled in my bag. However, despite the wrinkles you can still see that the bike is fitted with "a carefully curated set of components, each with its own story":

I knew it was possible to build a bike, and I knew it was even possible to fabricate one, but until reading about the Core77 "Dutch Master" bike I had no idea you could actually "curate" one. Foolishly, I thought curating was reserved for things like Presidential libraries and Francis Bacon exhibitions. However, I suppose when you've got a bunch of components "each with its own story" you need a curator. I wonder what story the Tektro brake lever and the Surly fork tell:


Personally, I think it's a simple yet elegant story about placing an order from the QBP catalog for some cheap parts. Don't get me wrong--I love cheap parts. There's nothing wrong with Surly or Tektro, and brakes in particular are actually one of my favorite places to save money on a bike. (For that matter, I also have nothing against Worksman, without whom the entire New York City pizza delivery infrastructure would crumble.) Still, you'd think if Core77 were making a limited edition designer bike they'd have gone through the trouble to "curate" something a little more exotic in the brake lever department. That Tektro lever isn't exactly the aesthetic centerpiece of the groupo. Really, if this bike was "curated" then buying stuff from Nashbar should require an MFA.

My consternation did not last long, though, because I left the hotel only to find Beck texting out front:

At least I'm pretty sure it was Beck, since he was blond and wearing a fedora.

Though I suppose he might have been an Orthodox Jew.

119 comments:

DSTRONG said...

first

rezado said...

Philosophical voyage

crimerider said...

bunch sprint!

erv said...

4th erv

Fred said...

Fred1st. Suck my beard, Cav.

Anonymous said...

Almost

Disgruntl Ed. said...

Hello.

Anonymous said...

Hi Chad

Anonymous said...

Hi Chad

Surly Bastard said...

Top Ten?

jon said...

Beware of old men wearing hats.

Worst.
Drivers.
Ever.

Anonymous said...

Woot! Woot!

Anonymous said...

Lucky 13 again !

displacedcalifornian said...

my best cadel impersonation...

streepo said...

And I got a rash on my ass so bad I can barely sit.
But you know me, I can't complain.

d. fofonov said...

If I am not reading the article I am placing in top five. English is my second language.

mikeweb said...

Fabian

hillbilly said...

I crashed with Cadel...no, I mean, I got in a crash with Cadel, I'm not gay or anything...is the manXXX missile homophobic,as well?

Astroluc said...

"Colorway" and "Collabo" are in the Becktionary.

crimerider said...

snobby.

just to twist the cycle knife a little further, portland, orgeon also has some damn tasty burritos, and nearby sweet beaches...

crimey

rezado said...

a raging neo-Nazi he's have very little opportunity to indulge his boundless hatred.

Woops. he'll. you even took the time to punctuate.

Disgruntl Ed. said...

I'll wager they have some wicked orgies in orgeon too.

Thanks for the curated Bacon.

rezado said...

I love cheese and crackers.

I prefer a townhouse over a saltine though.

mander said...

Didn't make the split, i get hillbilly's time

Fred said...

The only possible excuse I can come up with for those Dapper Dan grips is that you could boil them for soup in the event of a remote MTB mis-hap.

As a Portlander, I apologize for Dapper Dan grips. I'm really very sorry.

And thanks to erv for the lead out. Sorry 'bout losing my line there. Get well soon.

wishiwasmerckx said...

I was haunted by the feeling that I had seen the underwater photo from yesterday's post somewhere before, but it was not until the repost today that it occurred to me where -- don't you think that photo bears an uncanny resemblance to the Shroud of Turin?

Anonymous said...

Pegs

Slappy said...

nice curatorial flourish with the pegs.. although i'll tell you for carryin' bikeless peoples around on the back of cruisers, super fatty pegs are recommended so the lil feets don't hurt.. given just how slow a cruiser toting a hoser can be.. why not just get an xtracylce? or a tandem? nothing quite so sweet as riding around solo on a tandem, then casually offering someone a ride..

shmaltz herring said...

I don't know what you're talking about, Snob. I rock both a chain link license plate frame and a chain link steering wheel on my brakeless minivan. By the way, Mr. Blackman is the gabbai at my shul.

Anonymous said...

Worksman not Workman.

mikeweb said...

Snobby, judging by the beach photos from yesterday, that cracker is actually darker than you. So you can take that comment as a compliment.

CommieCanuck said...

"I can't help but feel like German luxury convertibles are simply floats in the eternal douche parade of life."

This is why I read this blog and drink Campari, ...the sweet bitterness.

Mad Jack McMad said...

Short Australian!

mikeweb said...

About the Dutch Master bike. Too bad they're only selling 25 of them. The combination of the Brooks B-17 saddle with "Upright seating (encouraging laid-back riding)" could be a big boost to the economy.

ITTET, the added cash infusion from hundreds of people needing spinal disk (or hemmorhoid) surgery after riding this thing for anything more than 2 miles, could in itself pay for Obama's healthcare plan.

"Encouraging laid-back riding" could refer to the need for post surgical traction.

Anonymous said...

Don't feel bad, Snobby, my own daughter calls me a cracker. Though at first offended, I realized that I am actually light and crispy and the perfect compliment to soup and chili.

CommieCanuck said...

wishiwasmerckx...right on the money, years from now, thousands will pilgrammage to the The Snob of Turin

mikeweb said...

Could be why they chose larger tires (tyres?) than the typical Ford Model T.

You might want to only run about 12 PSI in those things...

mikeweb said...

Very nice CC! I wonder if he got back to shore by walking on the water. Quite a sight in the Outlyre shorts.

The Dead Acorn said...

What kind of cracker hates on Ben Folds?

mikeweb said...

or Yanni and Enya, for that matter.

Luck E. Seven said...

Come now, everyone has had their jollies as they pick parts for their dream bike. Such variety, however misguided, is the basis for this blog I'm sure, and the reason why we're not all married to YOUR spouse.

However, as an MFA-holding curator, I'm having trouble discerning what IS the aesthetic centerpiece of the Core77 Dutch Master's groupo. Is the mix of a black suit with a brown belt and gloves, or wearing white shoes with the whole ensemble?

Ghastly.



A

Luck E. Seven said...

Is *it* the mix...



A

kale said...

I would love to be called a cracker from time to time, rather than the homophobic epithets typical of the B&T driving crowd.

Or maybe I should take the penis out of my mouth before I ride near the Belt Parkway.

Anonymous said...

The Dutch MAster bike is like a fine Dutch Master Cigar.

Refined.

Krum said...

Hooray!!!

The hipster children are still out of school and playing games at the top of the comments.

They are so cool.

I love children.

Even foolish ones.

Justin said...

You know hipsters love to save money on brakes too. Alot of money.

libertyonbikes! said...

"I can't help but feel like German luxury convertibles are simply floats in the eternal douche parade of life."

CC has it right.
Maybe there will be a book
of one liner snobisms?

Kale - nice.
and by nice I mean, FABULOUS,
but those weren't comments from the B&T crowd,
they were solicitations,
gotta add the ? at the end.

Anonymous said...

You said snack food and I thought Twinkies.

You know, the chicken wire skirts,the fixation with shoes, scarfs and shorts, riding with bibs un-bib'd so to speak.

Just saying.

Fred said...

For the record, although I am an amateur, I do my comment racing from work. It's the only form of racing in which I've enjoyed even a modicum of success. Why would anyone want to take that away?

Also for the record, I mostly work from home, usually wearing only a fedora and a sleeveless Primal half-shirt.

That fedora is the closest thing to hip about me. Well that and the fact that Frilly said "hi" to me one time.

F*** the frogs said...

Since when are the French a seperate race? If hating the French makes you a racist, point me to the KKK rally.

Daddo said...

funny though:

a vegan at a bbq WOULD probably go quite "arsy"

Dirty Sanchez said...

Once you go arsy, you never go back.

Paul Bowen said...

"luxury convertibles are simply floats in the eternal douche parade of life"

When the history of Bikesnob NYC is written, I predict that this will be known as The Week Of The Golden Similes. Chapeaux, Sir.

As for Cav, he may or may not be racist but I'm staring to think he may well be an arsehole. After yesterday's stage, in which his team had ridden with brilliant clockwork precision before turning their lungs inside out to pull him up an incline and launch him for the line, ITV4 asked him "Could it get better still from here?" His reply: "I can, but I'm not sure about the rest of the team, they left it far too late today" [that's not verbatim but catches the gist]. Ungracious little prick. But that's winners for you I guess.

bikesgonewild said...

...cavo sez...

..."ay, mate...'course i'm a racist...i came 'er to race & i'm a faster bloody racist than ALL you stupid gits...
...the froggies, fuck...mate, truff is, the bloody froggies won't flippin' leave it 'cuz i spanked their little froggy asses on their revolution celebration...

...my ol' man sez me granpa had to come over 'ere during the WW & 'elp save their little foggy asses, so as i sees it they orta be celebratin' my ol' granpa...not whinin' about what a good racist i am...

...'sides, mate...i'm dressed like a bloody frog, now ain't i, all kitted up in green, eh ???"
...

Anonymous said...

So why would you want a bike frame designed by somebody famous for crashing?

bikesgonewild said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Paul Bowen said...

Gah, it's a metaphor, not a simile.

bikesgonewild said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

"each fitted out and built by celebrated bike mechanic...". Give me a break, what do you have to do to be come "celebrated"? Make something so ugly it should be euthanized.

Klaus Mohn said...

correct spelling of smörgåsbord = full of swedish win. Now, on to the correct pronounciatio, which if I'm not mistaken is "SMURR-goss-boord". Then again I'm probably mistaken.

Anonymous said...

i hate hipsters they just made me so mad that I'm gonna start a blog and write about em too!

Paul Bowen said...

bikesgonewild: gaw blimey guv'nor, are you Dick Van bloomin' Dyke?

bikesgonewild said...

...paul bowen...bloody 'ell, mate...bein' as i gots bof welsh n' kraut in me "backstory", i'm goin' wif the flippin' welsh...

bk jimmy said...

Speaking of the B&T driving crowd, last Sunday a guy in an SUV called out at me "Easy, Lance," before taking the ramp for the Queensboro bridge out of Manhattan. (I must not've been hugging the parked cars closely enough for his liking.) He looked to be on the overweight side, so in keeping with the tone of the conversation I should have called back "Easy yourself, Kobayashi!" Only I couldn't catch up to him, and also I thought of it twenty minutes later.

belmont sledgehammer said...

Right on about the high quality orgies regularly taking place here in portland. Fact, I propose that's what we name the proposed soccer team slated to expand here -- the "Portland Orgies." (and as snob has pointed out we've got nothing better to do w/ our time than plan elaborately themed bike rides. And orgies.)

Now excuse me whilst I get busy studying for tomorrow's quiz. Think I'm gonna pull an all-nighter...

crimerider said...

belmont. not only themed bike rides and orgies, but plentiful orgy themed bike rides.

hawthorne

Test Tickle said...

bkjimmy

i can relate. once while on a mtb ride, a guy with two lady friends said to me and my buddy as we passed by, "single speed, work those knees!"

we remained silent, as intelligent and mindful people often do, when later (around 20 minutes I'm guessing) we discussed the aforementioned altercation/spouting off at the mouth to impress lady friends.

we discussed how we should have replied, "work those lips!" or "work that penis receptacle!" or "work that cum dumpster!"

i mean, what difference did it make to him what the f#*k we were riding? (although i do read this blog for exactly that - hazing other cyclists)

point being, 20 minutes ... hell I'm still thinking about it 2 years later. maybe I'm not so intelligent.

hillbilly said...

bk jimmy - good one, too bad you couldn't catch him. this AM on flatbush I got "what the fuck did you just say to me"....unfortunately, I hadn't actually said anything in this rare instance, so i was stumped...

jolene said...

french people callin english people rasicts now thats calling the pot black to the ketel

now if they want real rasism they needs to come to viper an talk to gil rafferty hes a real biggit besides not that that has nothin to do with that hes maried to a filipina and a half chinese cuban for a mother in law you catch get my drift its still better to talk about it because some of the funnier jokes is rasist

just dont make no white trash jokes becus that aint funny

CommieCanuck said...

bk...arguing with people surrounded by two tons of metal, not including the weight of a gun and bullets, -not a good idea.

Racism in Europe.
In half a day's drive, you can pass by 10 groups of people who actually believe they are biologically distinct from each other. If the US was like Europe, Ohio and Michigan would have had like 6 ethnic cleansing wars by now.

These people need to see neighboring countries for what they are: places to dump people you don't want.

I.e. Celine Dion, and y'all can have Michael Ignatieff back.

CommieCanuck said...

but for next time BK...

"the jerk store called, ...and their out of you".

(write it on your bartape)

CommieCanuck said...

they're

Wes said...

bk jimmy

Would it be rascist to point out that seeing an overweight person driving an SUV (whatever the Hell that is) in America might be as weird as finding a complaining Brit.

Just sayin'...

Anonymous said...

Let me curate you a set of BMX pegs

southpole said...

this only shows its about time a black girl wins the tour de france.

with or without bmx pegs and/or on drugs, i could care less.

(have to go to prenzlauer berg by bike now)

Anonymous said...

Did I miss it? Do we know the source of the alleged racist remark that Cav dished?

mikeweb said...

hillbilly, maybe the Flatbush SUVer was talking on the phone. Or maybe he was talking to his mother in law in the back seat.

Also, I got a couple of "Hey, Lance" comments last night while doing laps in Prospect Park.
Strange though, since I wasn't wearing a maillot celebrite.

mikeweb said...

Oh, and to CC:

"What's the difference? You're they're all time best seller!"

HeyOhhh!!!

mikeweb said...

geh! "their"

Wes said...

mikeweb

Chalk it up too irony.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Test Tickle: I find the term "Cum Dumpster" to be crude and offensive. I prefer the more polite and refined "Semen Ashtray."

Anonymous said...

I don't think I've ever seen a $1,500 bike based on a frame from a $300 bike.

douchie doucherson said...

do you like my hair? i have a convertible, wanna go for a drive? i have a bottle of thunderbird, perfectly chilled to 38 degrees. i just downloaded the new yanni! i don't like fedora's cause they mess up my hair.

libertyonbikes! said...

'yer mom _____ ____ ____ ____'
usually works....

what doesn't work is a cheap
parts pick.
eastern cranks?
but then a profile ring & clamp?
pegs? really?
for your too broke to buy a bike friend? now THAT is true ghetto.
two BMW parts and some handbuilt
wheels, it reads like an IF with
custom sculpted lugs by a blind
bohemian artisian, that are then
smuggled across four borders all
for your riding pleasure.

for only $600 I'll paint a NEXT,
AND I'll bolt on some pegs too.
$100 more I'll upgrade you to a Magna. $999gets you a Huffy in a limited edition colourway. Limited 'cause I can't sell more than 5.

Seth said...

hey BikeSnob

So this morning i was riding into work and came upon a gentleman at the stoplight wearing a pair of Vittoria 1976 cycling shoes.
I inquired as to where he had got them as i still have yet to find them available to buy online. He responded that they had been given to him. He was also wearing black socks as to match.

After giving it some thought i realized how many people are riding from gowanus to Manhattan wearing Vittoria 1976 shoes that had been given to them .

Soooo was that you? I only ask as i would have liked to have told you in person how much i enjoy your blog.

I was the half rapha'd douchebag on the cervelo.

dominic said...

"To what extent then are our experiences out there on the road determined by our races and genders? When we are mistreated, is the mistreatment motivated by prejudice towards the bicycle, or towards the rider?"

I ride in Shreveport, LA and am frequently the victims of epithets. Most of them from trucks with external PAs built into them. Highschool kids get on their loud speakers and yell stuff like: "Stop riding a bike faggot!" or, my personal favorite, "Grow some tits you fucking queer!" My rides are "epic" in the verbal abuse department.

Wes said...

Anon @ 7:12

Try this on for size.

www.ebay.co.uk

Item number: 200362717400

Anonymous said...

Well lessee;

The English are Angles and Saxons and Normans (plus assorted other Vikings); while the French are Franks and Normans (plus assorted other Vikings), so what it boils down to, from my perspective of course, is that they're ALL just a bunch of bloody Krauts.

sudasri said...

it's really ridiculous that problem between there.
cafi
Free Satellite TV

Anonymous said...

not sure if you've seen this:
http://www.reuters.com/article/lifestyleMolt/idUSTRE56C3WC20090713

chrs/ Victoria

Victoria said...

That is:

"Berlin brothel offers discounts for cyclists"

BERLIN, July 13 (Reuters) - A Berlin brothel has come up with a novel way to negate the impact of the global economic crisis and target a new group of customers at the same time -- offering a discount to patrons who arrive on bicycles.

"The recession has hit our industry hard," said Thomas Goetz, owner of the "Maison d'envie" brothel.

"Obviously we hope that the discount will attract more people," he added. "It's good for business, it's good for the environment -- and it's good for the girls."

Customers who arrive on bicycle or who can prove they took public transportation get a 5-euro ($7) discount from the usual 70-euro ($100) fee for 45 minute sessions, Goetz told Reuters. He said the environmentally friendly offer was working.

"We have around 3-5 new customers coming in daily to take advantage of the discount," he said, adding the green rebate has helped alleviate traffic and parking congestion in the neighborhood.

Germany is one of the few countries in the world where prostitution is legal. It has about 400,000 prostitutes who, since 2002, have been allowed to enter formal labor contracts.

(Reporting by Caroline Copley; Editing by Robin Pomeroy)

Anonymous said...

Yea, thanks for that Victoria. That was, like, a couple of days ago.

sufferist said...

Competitive Cyclist is selling a new Hincapie video. You can check out the trailer here

rezado said...

Word to your mother.

Anonymous said...

Your mother.

Anonymous said...

I wasn't aware that "French" was a race now. So, there are now black, white, Asian, Hispanic, native American and uh...French? K...just so we are all clear on that. Does this mean that French "people" can be ruled to be only 3/5 of a person? If I move to France do I have to change my birth certificate from "White" to "French"?

Back of the bus Frenchy!

Anonymous said...

under the bus, frenchy!!!

Anonymous said...

Actually, Ohio and Michigan do have an annual dustup over some stupid sport, with some drunken rioting, so it's almost like Europe here.

Eric Lowe said...

Is BikeSnobNYC actually numbered amongst the undead? Exhibit 1 - no reflection in the mirror over the "Curated" bike.

Fierce Perineum said...

100

Luck E. Seven said...

101st!

Eric Lowe @ 12:37-

What mirror? That's a long room with an American flag at the back. No mirror in sight.



A

Fierce Panties USA said...

Dominic,

My best advice is to get the fuck out of Louisiana asap.

but FYI, while in 2 of the cycling meccas I've heard "die faggot" rubbin' in Portland, and "die cracker" while slayin' in San Francisco. It's just a universal truth that when we're on a bicycle that people are compelled to do hate crimes.

Rock on

Fierce Panties. said...

L.E.S.

nice 101!

Fierce Panties USA said...

LES

get out of here! The quiz is posted!

Eric Lowe said...

@Luck E. Seven-

You're right. It was an optical illusion. The columns, for some reason, made it look like a mirror (to me anyway).

Laredo shane said...

Bikesnob,
Thank you for putting that interesting Osobike pic in there. My page views went up to over 2000, which is six times what I usually get.

Anonymous said...

Bike Snob, do yourself a favor and throw out that Olympus point and shoot.

Your pictures are terrible ;(

CSTO

Anonymous said...

fucking gay dutch bike!

77 said...

Although the TdF peloton may be racially homogeneous it is a veritable babel lingusitically. I am sure when they said "racist" they were thinking it meant someone who races.

Kapitan said...

beck asshole Scientology crony.

clitoral stimulation said...

good exposure of the parts of the bicycle unit in addition to the great history as the Mark

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