Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Blanket (Tour) Coverage: Cozy or Smothering?

We're not even through the first week of the Tour de France, but I can already say that this year's edition will go down in history as signifying the dawn of a new era in professional cycling. Yes, much as Greg LeMond says that the advent of EPO changed the speed of the peloton, the potent media pot belge of 27 hours a day of Versus coverage, Lance Armstrong's comeback, and Twitter now means that no aspect of the Tour de France goes unseen and that we have now officially entered the age of nano-coverage.

Hey, don't get me wrong--frankly, I'm enjoying the antics. For example, thanks to Lance Armstrong's celebrity status and his flambullient Twittering, we get to watch him do schtick with Ben Stiller:


Not only that, but because George Hincapie is friends with Lance Armstrong and is also a member of the Twitterati (or a Twit-tard if you're one of those anti-Twitter people) we learn that Stiller also took some time to swing by and "rub one out" on the Columbia team bus:



At least, that's what I assume we are to infer from this Tweet:


But Armstrong and Hincapie aren't the only riders who get to pal around with celebrities. Word in the media hovel (that's where they stick the "journalists" on the Tour now that Twitter has rendered them irrelevant) is that GC hopeful Cadel Evans also received a famous visitor in the form of actor Albert Finney. However, by all accounts Finney had no idea who Evans was, and simply stumbled onto the Silence-Lotto team bus in search of a bathroom while complaining loudly about some bad Ni├žoise salad. After Evans directed the Academy Award nominee to the rear of the bus, Finney disappeared for 40 minutes, finally emerging and prompting Evans's teammate Matthew Lloyd to exclaim, "Someone just set off an ass bomb in there!" This may account for Silence-Lotto's relatively poor TTT performance.

But perhaps the best aspect of the Twitter de France is that we now get to be in on the riders' inside japes. It's just like being on the team! For example, Columbia rider Mick Rogers posted this photo of Mark "The Man(x) Missile" Cavendish:


Along with the following comment:


While I was dismayed that Gumby wasn't a choice, Hincapie was clearly still "fired up" from the Ben Stiller encounter and offered a somewhat un-PC reply:


Even though this was obviously just a harmless "Pulp Fiction" reference, an enraged Fumy Beppu upbraided Hincapie for his insensitive word choice:

I must admit he has a point.

Yes, nowadays the fun doesn't end once the riders cross the finish line. Really, in some sense it's only once they've had their massages and start pawing at their Blackberrys, iPhones, and Palm Pres that the real fun begins--and that's to say nothing of all the pantyhose play. Speaking of suggestive imagery, a reader has forwarded me yet another example of cycling-inspired fashion design:

While Louis Vuitton was going for the "gentleman butterfly" look, it appears that Armani's take on cycling is more "amphibious Chippendale." If anything, this is a perfect example of why there are so many ill-equipped and clueless cyclists out there. Basically, fashion designers see cycling and misinterpret it, and then fashionistas follow that misinterpretation and we wind up with a bunch of bike-salmoning Beautiful Godzillas (who, as the above photo indicates, can be male as well). And if all this weren't bad enough, we also have people out there on the streets giving other riders stupid advice:


You said I should trim my handlebars... - w4m (East Village)
Reply to: [deleted]
Date: 2009-07-08, 1:12AM EDT

I was riding my bike up Ave A. You rode up behind me on your bike and said I should trim my hot pink handlebars before I kill someone. I stopped at 7th to go to Niagra you rode on. Wanted to say, "hey boy!"

Bike ride?



I'd be very interested in hearing an explanation as to how a pair of untrimmed handlebars--hot pink or otherwise--might kill somebody. I guess this is why everybody's riding around with ultra-narrow Frida bars now. Somewhere along the line some urban myth must have swept through the "hipster" community that wide bars can somehow be deadly. Perhaps someone knew someone who knew someone whose ultra-wide, unplugged risers took a core sample out of a pedestrian's midsection like a cheese sampling plug. I'd think if anything it's the trimmed handlebars that would be deadly, since they encourage you to enter spaces that are too narrow and you're liable to get squashed between a pair of buses. There's a reason a cat's whiskers are wider than its face.

Even more disturbing was this post, which is truly a tale of "epic" cluelessness, and which starts thusly:


you left me bleeding on the sidewalk - m4m - 26 (front st near jay st)
Reply to: [deleted]
Date: 2009-07-06, 2:49PM EDT

hi. you are a white or asian man in your 30s or 40s who drives a biggish gray SUV-like vehicle. additionally, you are a frothing circus pail of congealing sputum. i wish i could be more specific, but the circumstances of our encounter caused me to be less than fully detail-oriented. specifically:


Like so many "I was the victim of an evil car" stories, I was bracing myself for the moment when the rider proves himself to be an idiot. Sadly, I didn't have long to wait:


The fact that this person was riding on the sidewalk--in the dark on a holiday no less--automatically invalidates everything that comes after it. This is like beginning your story about getting bitten by a dog with, "OK, so I'm throwing pennies at this pit bull and..." Yet amazingly, it gets worse:

- i was riding my bike on the sidewalk at precisely 11pm, July 4
- in front of me was a driveway leading to the garage door of a walled parking lot
- presumably without seeing me, you pulled into the driveway and stopped, obstructing my path at a later-than-ideal point in my trajectory
- i braked hard and flew over my handlebars, about a yard or two short of your car
- pain
- bleeding
- you exited your car, told me you would be right back, and then re-entered your car and drove into the parking lot
- more bleeding
- feeble moaning and staggering about
- you exited the parking lot, saw that i was still there, and immediately yelped, "oh, you're fine! YOU'RE FINE."
- and with that, you strode rapidly away
(-- that sort of confused me)
(-- because, i mean)
(-- we're both human beings, presumably)
(-- one of us was copiously bleeding on a sidewalk from the face and hands and knees, and in demonstrable want of help)
(-- the other was not)
(-- maybe i'm wrong about the human thing, and you are in actuality a robot)
(-- it is also possible that you are just pure scum)
(-- literally, a well-dressed ambulatory colony of scum with a nervous honking voice like a goose)
- eventually i said something like, "uh. wait? please wait."
- i said it a couple of times because you seemed not to hear me at first
(-- unfortunately my speaking voice was not at its clearest, because i had broken a finger, and also because of the blood)
(-- and also i was probably a little startled that you were being such an incredible twatcrust)
- you yelled again that i was just fine
- and quickly disappeared from view
- you craven bottle of ape vomit.

fortunately, your parking garage is equipped with a surveillance camera. my intentions now are to find you and bleed on your stuff. please help me in my quest! love, a cyclist


Not only was this person riding on the sidewalk, but he didn't even hit the car. Rather, the car simply pulled into the driveway and stopped, at which point the sidewalk rider "braked hard and flew over my handlebars." This is not an easy thing to do--it involves a very delicate balance of going really fast (on the sidewalk) and being a really bad rider. While I suppose the fact that the driver left the scene means he's probably a bit callous, and while I hate to see people get hurt, the truth is you'd have to be a pretty merciful soul to help someone who was tearing along on the sidewalk and then hit the pavement at the very sight of you, and whose injuries are not even remotely life-threatening. Arguably such a situation falls into the "Totally his problem" category.

Actually, in this sense it may actually be better for clueless cyclists to ride brakeless fixies--at least as far as their own safety is concerned. If this rider had been on such a bike, instead of grabbing a fistful of brake he probably would have locked up his rear wheel and skid right into the car. Then, the sheet metal and the bike's fork would have absorbed much of the impact, and at worst he'd simply wind up splayed out on the hood. (This is called a "hipster crumple zone.") Of course, this would then open up the possibility of the driver administering the physical injuries the rider managed to avoid, but that's another issue entirely.

Yes, the complicated truth is that sometimes introducing something sensible (like a brake) to the stupid only makes things worse. At a certain point it just provides additional opportunities to screw up.

122 comments:

rezado said...

Yeah, I've been watching the dodgeball tournament on the Ocho

rezado said...

HOT DAMN

rezado said...

WTYM

rezado said...

SWEEP

Anonymous said...

The paradox of the ABMSB

First, let's go over the equipment.

1. Fully upright comfort hybrid. Good for: bike path trips, grandparents, and comfortable trips around the neighborhood.

2. Clip on aerobars. Good for: very little.

3. Safety bell. Good for: safe passes on the bike path and honing one's musical talents.

This morning on my bike-path aided commute into DC, I encountered a gentleman riding item #1. He had mounted to this item #2. At the tip of item #2 was item #3.
The true paradox of this arrangement is that for the gentleman to effectively use item #3, he must put himself into, without argument, the most unsafe position possible. This is similar to the paradox of the TTMBL and the even rarer SSMBL.
I'm left scratching my head. You have no place in this world, Aero Bar Mounted Safety Bell.

mikeweb said...

Top 10 again!

wishiwasmerckx said...

Top ten.

cadel said...

first

Anonymous said...

Is this thing on? Top ten.

Pontius Pilate said...

TOP TEN

Hail Caesar!

P.P.

chewbacca said...

top ten! fur in the spokes!

Chewbacca said...

Rats! I will just shoot someone in the top ten...

Fierce Panties. said...

Fierce

Anonymous said...

Woot! Woot!

hillbilly said...

Rezado! Flyin!

After watching yesterday's TTT I'm wondering if maybe I can't be pro after all. I mean, I can generally stay up for more than 5 minutes (insert joke here...oh, and again...)

Astroluc said...

PREACH THE TRUTH!!

TOP 20...

...and I love "Hipster crumple zone"

Anonymous said...

tt

pp


..

wishiwasmerckx said...

As another Versus commentator astutely observed, even though it is still week one of the Tour, Tom Boonen seems to have locked up the coveted Brown Jersey competition.

Anonymous said...

BE A MAN, DO THE RIGHT THING.

Fierce Panties said...

I was yelled at by a fellow member of the "bicycle community."

Lower that stem or you're going to kill somebody.

It's only 2 inches above seat level. Can anyone advise?!

wishiwasmerckx said...

While commuting to work this morning in my E-Class Mercedes, I caught a sight of my own reflection in a storefront window, and I attained a semi-erection which smouldered for a long, long time.

tron said...

ben stiller and adam sandler are douchebags.

Anonymous said...

"throwing pennies at a pit bull." HAHAHA that is classic.

Fierce Panties said...

I endo'd to temporal-lobe-plant on my mt bike one night, on a concrete bike path, with no lights, going downhill, really fast, with no helmet, grabbing a fistfull of Paul Motolite, during a flashback of a coyote running into my spokes.

I've been looking for an explanation for this for the past 5 years.

Thanks again Snob.

grog said...

Hi, I'm grog, (Hi grog), and I'm a schluffer.

Tristan said...

Who even uses handlebars anymore? So dangerous...

Slappy said...

Voeckler stares in disbelief, over his shoulder, at the twittering peloton laughing at his fortune

Anonymous said...

Yesterday morning, on my way into work, I got my clock punched pretty good when some dude made a right turn in front of me from an inside lane (I was on the outside). Good thing it happened at a green light at the base of a hill after I'd just muscled my way around a bus and all the rain and road grime has worn my breaks down to nubs... That could have really hurt.

ant1 said...

ant1st!

Anonymous said...

Notice that fashion shoots involving bicycles always opt for balloon tire retro-cruisers?

Kurt Vonnegut is King said...

I believe the crash "victim" was probably riding a fixed gear bike. To wit: he had only a singular fistful of brake to grab, as opposed to two fistfuls(fistsful?). And just like the Perscattante ad copy, he probably hasn't perfected his skid yet. Hence, the OTB moment. I also believe him to be a topheavy chap with an enormous melon and resultant unusually high center of gravity. That's how I picture it when I replay it in my mind, anyway.

But he's wasting his time looking for a verbal apology from the other party. Chalkbot can't talk.

CHAL KBOT

hillbilly said...

one of the funniest parts to me about that 'big george' tweet was that it was so long after his astana drop in. Might not have even been sloppy seconds, who knows how many other buses he "came in"?

Chambers said...

One of the options for Cav should have been Charlie's Green Man from Always Sunny:

http://www.costumzee.com/view/wp-content/uploads/2008/10/charlie_green_man.jpg

Rantwick said...

For me, it is often the simple things, the deep unarguable truths that come out in writing that make me come back every day.

"There's a reason a cat's whiskers are wider than its face."

Bravo. Sounds sarcastic, but it's not.

Surly Bastard said...

The Albert Finney shit was just too damn funny, great stuff.

As to the sidewalk riding douche, if I had been the driver instead of, "you're fine, you're fine," I would have told him "Goddamn good thing you didn't hit my car douche bag. You shouldn't be riding on the sidewalk. Get it? Now quit bleeding on the sidewalk and go home."

I think you need to be 8 or under to ride on the sidewalk, right? I can't think of anything more dangerous than sidewalk riders. Unless it's Tom Voekler in a break-away!

OBA said...

"hipster crumple zone"...Bravo Snobby! [Standing Ovation] Bravo!

displacedcalifornian said...

'hipster crumple zone' hahahahahahahahaha!!!

Anonymous said...

I HATE it when inconsiderate bikers bleed on my SUV, especially when I have just had it washed.

hillbilly said...

couldn't agree more rantwick, I loved that line too.

Anonymous said...

the crash "victim" couldn't tell if the driver was white or asian??

CHALKBOT said...

I AM BO-
TH WHITE-
AND YEL-
LOW.

Krum said...

I think it is funny that little children read this blog. They seem to try to post first. School must be out.

Surly Bastard said...

It's funny that for the last month I've been calling the small gap I let go between myself and the sprinters at the line the "The Crumple Zone." Weirder still is that making a "crumple zone" came from Snob's great post on "PASS/FAIL" racing.

ringcycles said...

All of the worst stupid/needless cycling injuries I've ever seen are when a newbie freaks out, grabs a fistful of front brake, and thereby catapults his/herself over the bars. No quicker way to kiss pavement. BTW, are there gay go-go bars in hipsterland? Wondering where Armani got his cycling "inspiration".

Cuddles said...

So I was minding my own business, standing on Cadel's dog, when all of a sudden......

hillbilly said...

Hi all,
I am posting this for my friend, just in case anyone happens to come across this somewhere. This was the replacement for the new bike that he totaled in a wreck, so I feel terrible for the guy, 2 brand new bikes gone within a month. Here is his description:

Bill

Bike stolen in midtown, NYC:

2009 Kona Honkey-Tonk, 56cm bright blue frame with Duraace downtube shifters, Shimano 105 Rear (9spd), with custom fit hammered chrome honjo fenders front & back, and a black metal rear rack. Frame serial #F009C3617. At the time it was taken it had a sticker from NYC Velo near the bottom bracket, a drink holder on the front bar, and a U-lock holder (empty of course) on the middle bar. Bike was stolen between 11am & 12:30pm Tuesday, July 8th from a rack on W. 50th Street, directly outside the Time building at 1271 6th Ave. Any info would be greatly appreciated.

If you see someone riding this, knock them down, hold them, and call me. 718-810-3295

bikesgonewild said...

...wrapped up in a snuggie of tour coverage & ironic musings...

...twits, twats, twit-tards, twit-turds, twitterati, yeesh, who cares but it's nice to know that every twit-ster racing the tour has their first & best opportunity to post in the morning while sitting on the porcelain throne...

...ah, yes...time alone...w/ ones amigos & followers...
..."morning gang !!!...you'll never guess where i am right now"...
..."hey, lance, squeeze one out yet ???"...
..."whoa tommeke...is that a stream of consciousness or just yer usual shit ???"...
..."dammit...looks like ben stiller was in here earlier...ahhh !!!"...

...welcome to the wonderful world of electronics & nosy people...

bk jimmy said...

I'm really confused about the etiquette of injury. Please help!

In the presence of a bleeding injured person I should first consider whether he's an idiot or not before offering help?

And which factor carries more weight--apparent severity of the injuries as discerned from a distance, or the level of idiocy?

What if a retard trips on his own shoelace and breaks his arm? Should I intervene or just sneer?

Anonymous said...

bk jimmy - depends on whether you are using "retard" as a pejorative or not.

Mad Jack McMad said...

Dang...over baked the curve and led half my team into a ditch...

Anonymous said...

I parked my fancy expensive bike on the street in New York City and now I'm upset someone took it. What was really robbed was this godzilla's beauty! Oh who, who I ask? Who will keep the bike lanes salmonized in my absence?? Oh, mercy.
Signed,
Weary Portugese.

theshepherdsdog said...

"hipster crumple zone", haha. snob, i actually sold my bakeless fixed gear bike last week. it was either drill the fork or sell it and use the money to build something else. I've got another fixed gear conversion almost done and this one's got a brake.

Seanywonton said...

Since we're talking about New York City it's possible to assume that both the sidewalk-using bike rider AND the driver were total douchebags.

Actually, when I was in 7th grade I got into a terrible accident like this. Except that instead of flying over my handlebars due to braking, I flew over them due to colliding with the side of the car, then went over the bars, hitting the halfway rolled-down window with my face. I got 27 stitches right under my nose, but before that it looked like I had a second bleeding mouth on top of my real mouth.

At least the guy was nice enough to drive me to the hospital though.

Luck E. Seven said...

TWIT TWAT



A

Anonymous said...

He said "bakeless"! I think he meant "beakless"...

Anonymous said...

Seanywonton whay are you so crude? Was it from the bike accident as a child?

mikeweb said...

hillbilly - I actually saw someone riding a HonkyTonk like that in the morning yesterday on 50th St. I remember because I like that particular Kona. Maybe it was your friend.

I actually work right near there on 47th st. so I'll keep my eyes open...

bk jimmy said...

Anon 2:38,

Clearly we're dealing in disparagement here, so I will make no distinction between the literal and pejorative senses of that word.

g-rock said...

Definitely twats.

Anonymous said...

If this crazy sidewalk rider was riding at 11PM at night, it was dark. Did he even have a light? I am guessing since he was on the sidewalk the answer is no. So it was dark, no lights, he would not have been visible or expected by anybody(Images of Bike Ninja falling on his face). Can I hear a nomination for a Darwin Award? This incident is fully the responsibility of the rider. The driver was nice enough to see that the guy was not dead or mortally wounded.

crimerider said...

he may have been an inept kamakzee suicide bombing sidewalk riding fixerist, but he did give me the priceless word "twatcrust" and therefore some good came out of his tale, and i cannot be grateful enough.

red neckerson said...

if tom boonen had a lake drive would anyone give a dam

bikesgonewild said...

...early morning t.voeckler@twitter post..."think i'll take a flyer today so i don't have to ride w/ my clueless 'merde' b-box teammates...what were they thinkin' ???"...

...see...everybody twits but nobody pays attention...

...***in reality, major props to thomas voeckler on the stage win...guy's always tryin'***...

crimerider said...

anyone else unemployed and watch the versus tour coverage this morning? here in portland they cut to commercial right as voeckler took the stage. a full set of commercials. they have constant 27 hour coverage of the tour de france but decide to go to commercial as the stage winner is about to cross the line? holy shamwow.

mikeweb said...

CR, that's why I like to watch it on the internet (for free) - no commercials.

Plus, I'm too much of a cheap SOB to pay for cable, so I don't get VS. anyway.

Anonymous said...

mikeweb - My cable company just discontinued my VS station for basic cable subscriptions, TWATCRUSTS!

sibosop said...

A few days ago I saw a bike cop riding on the sidewalk. It caused me to experience a momentary but deeply uncomfortable cognitive dissonance.

CommieCanuck said...

Isn't "trim your pink handlebars" a euphemism for something sexual?

It should be.

Versus will now have a brown jersey icon on screen to follow Tom Boonen at all times and Phil will continue his daily diarrhea update. In other news, Quickstep picks up Imodium as a second sponsor, with further promotional consideration from the makers of YooHoo.
When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. I'm waiting for the brown rubber bands of support for Tom...SHITSTRONG.

Ben Stiller..feh. His father was funny.

Stiller seen here as Mark Cavendish.

rezado said...

Is arthur dead?

CommieCanuck said...

not Arthur, Jerry, and he's alive.

JSMS.

g said...

I always thought that the unwavering ability of New Yorkers to ignore the suffering of all of those around them was an amazing and very useful gift. So, BKJimmy, when in New York, you don't have to consider the injured at all. Step over them and forget about them. Shouldn't be on a bike if they can't ride it.

Isn't that the New York that everyone keeps complaining has been taken away with the "Disney-fication" of Times Square?
"Ah, yes.... I'll have the cake and I believe I will be eating it too."

Anonymous said...

You're fine. YOU'RE FINE!

rezado said...

Thank god he is still alive. This world couldnt be dealt that blow after losing the king of pop

Fred said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Fred said...

CC I'm pretty sure "trimming the pink handlebar" can be done with your "Australian bend."

Or does that refer to the incorrect line that Cadel picks through the curve? As in,
Phil: "I say, Menchov has picked a bit of an Australian bend through that left-hander."

Damn this lingo. I'll never be in the club.

rezado said...

What the hell was Ben doing there anyways and what is up with his hair. He must me doping and not the good kind of dope either. Bring back the podium girls who dont like to wear panties on windy days.

WTYM.

Anonymous said...

Anyone out there got the first clue what RTMS is? I've got Radio, Transmission, Medium wave and Short wave. Anyone? Thanks and God bless you all.

Anonymous said...

he may have been an inept kamakzee suicide bombing sidewalk riding fixerist, but he did give me the priceless word "twatcrust"

Word. Whatever else you may say about IKSBWRF, he sure does know some colorful insults.

Anonymous said...

Oops. That should have been "IKSBSWRF."

Anonymous said...

unless you're a human abs your rear brake isn't going to do squat. you'll lock up your rear wheel and slide for 50 feet. learn how to use your front brake.

ben said...

Finally, someone who takes cycling seriously enough to trim his handlebars properly.

http://www.wendmag.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/wiggerphoto2.jpg

If only others would realize the grievous error they are making each and every time they ride their bike with normal (aka suicide) handlebars.

Anonymous said...

I just like how the french are not going to win-AGAIN. It seems they have a separate foremost-frenchman virtual jersey and they are mad as hell about it.

twatcrust now in my microsoft word dictionary.

bikesgonewild said...

...ben...what, no bar tape ???...that makes it dangerous...

...rezado..."Bring back the podium girls who dont like to wear panties on windy days."...

...i'd like to see an echelon of fiercely non-pantied podium girls enjoying the soothing late afternoon breezes...

bikesgonewild said...

...anon 5:50pm...

...even phil said something to the effect of "thomas voeckler is a frenchman & these days, they don't win many stages of this race"...

ben said...

bikesgonewild- you sir, are mistaken. bar tape detracts from the overall "feel" of riding your bike. With grips or tape on your handlebars, you receive a smoother, more controlled feel from the road. With naked handlebars, every chip, pothole and crack in the pavement come in clear as day (up your arms in the form of jolting vibrations) thus providing the rider with an increased "feel" for the road and therefore more control. (and therefore more safety)

(also swelling)

Twit practice said...

"Taking a big stinky shit in somebody's motorhome. I need to find a better grade of cheap beer."

wishiwasmerckx said...

Q: Honey, what's for dinner? I'm famished.

A: I made you twatcrust. I know it's your favorite!

bikesgonewild said...

...ben...wow, good info...hipsters are just so fucking real !!!..."life to the fullest", that sorta thing...

...think i'll head out for a ride to assuage my shame, guilt & ignorance...

ben said...

bikesgonewild- fear not, for everyday is a learning experience! I forgot to mention that cycling gloves should also be avoided (for obvious reasons) as well as a helmet. Everyone knows that in a real accident, helmets are actually designed to kill you so that their respective brand/company/manufacturer makes a profit off of your foolishness.

Anonymous said...

If I was the driver, I'd wait for you and then make sure I backed over you the next time. It's idiots like you that are giving us cyclists a bad name. You're probably one of the fad jumpers that'll stop riding once it wears off, but the rest of us will have to put up with bad karma you've brought down upon us. Moron !

sb. said...

i like you, snobby, and your prose is usually pretty impeccable... but "thusly" isn't a 'real' word.

Anonymous said...

In the latest Riv Reader Grant Petersen advocates giving the tapeless bar thing a try.

I didn't make that up. It's not a joke.

Anonymous said...

@ sb

". . ."thusly" isn't a 'real' word."

Neither is "assassinate."

The dictionary is not the arbiter of what is and is not a real word. Writers are. Dictionaries merely report.

BikeSnobNYC said...

sb.,

I like you too. It's just fun to say "thusly."

Anonymous 7:52pm,

He does?!? First the Quickbeam and now this.

--RTMS

Anonymous said...

Hell, Man, Riv is going to make another bike with a threadless fork! I'm cancelling my membership!

Anonymous said...

@ RTMS

Yes, not only does he really do that, but he even includes a photograph for those who might be a bit confused over the proper non-application.

Tricky stuff that not doing anything.

Now I feel like such a schlub for insisting my Quickbeam have a fixed cog AND bar tape. I refused the twine and shellac though, I may be an eccentric but I'm not an outright weirdo.

And no way in hell I'm trimming my Noodle bars, although the canti bosses WOULD make a dandy place to mount the twin 50mms and the tack/oil slick dumpers; but I figure that's what I paid two times too much for prissy racks for.

g-rock said...

sb.

He makes up new words almost on a daily basis and you're calling him on "thusly"?

Anonymous said...

"Frothing circus pail of congealing sputum" -- entertaining writing, but in the end, basically, wrong: much like the Snob's work.

Anonymous said...

SB, bend over while I stick my dick up your ass THUSLY.

wishiwasmerckx said...

100, so what the hell?

Miss Grundy said...

"Thusly" is an accepted variant of "thus." At least that's what they taught me in Ph.D. English school.

SB, I should think, now finds himself attired thusly.

Anonymous said...

Miss Grundy, that is a fabulous idea for the Brown Jersey. Thanks.

Kurt Vonnegut is King said...

I think I read in "Eats, Shoots & Leaves" that Shakespeare invented a disproportionately large number of the words he used. He did so mostly by modifying existing words in order to help better express the otherwise inexpressible.

Carry on with your thusly, my friend.

t. watson said...

i'm going to have to ram my bicycle into the sidewalk right in front of the versus suv as a warning that they better not cut off another finishing line ending.

Anonymous said...

No shit...

http://yvonlecaer.com/

Anonymous said...

http://www.flickr.com/photos/bicyclesonly/

Fixedgeargallery of commuters

bikesgonewild said...

...anon 7:55pm...beautiful, well said & so true...

...thank you...

Philip Williamson said...

Thusly and assassinate are both pretty wordlike. Amen to Anon. 7:55.

Plus you can schluff on a fixie (fuck saying "fixed gear bike" every time), it's only 1.5 times as dorky, and 1.75 times as fun as schluffing on a freewheeling bike. So a net gain there.

Doublefuck saying "fixed wheel bicycle." Those people are the thuslyhaters of the world of bike pedantry.

bazzargh said...

"See him in the wild horse Ventoux storm. A bull unleashed by the stone desert... Bruyneel Weep."

Talking tdf, you have to read the latest from Bruyneel's website (as google-translated from the flemish). Its just bizarre.


"The room was empty. Contador too. Poor Madrid. I talked to him."

Green Idea Factory said...

Good one, but any dog can bite.

sufferist said...

?

CommieCanuck said...

playinng drunking game..du 1 shot evy time someone sez Lahnce on Verssuz.

gonna puk.

CommieCanuck said...

Thusly, I think everyone should use words like thusly, and whilst, it just adds an air of sophistication in the internet world full of Philistines.

I no what are the rite words and what aren't buy the little red lines under them when I type. Its foolproof.

old school toughguy said...

stop being a mamby pampy crybaby or i'll give you something to really cry about. now get your broken bike off my sidewalk, and pick up that blood.

Luck E. Seven said...

Has the TdF turned into some kinda nipple thumbing Gong Show? I'm loving the latest promotion of FX programming buried in the hamminess.

I mean it just can't be a coincidence. Ben Stiller shticks on LA's whip AND Cavendish does his best Green Man impersonation the day before Something About Mary and The Best of Green Man promotes for Always Sunny, both on FX!!



A

Fuzz2050 said...

I know you've covered condoms as grips already, but this seems like it deserves a second look

http://www.homemade-sex-toys.com/household/

http://www.homemade-sex-toys.com/household/images/hh_08.jpg

brad said...

dude, i'm new to your blog, and i'm sure you've heard this before, but let me encourage you: you're freaking hilarious. keep up the good work!!

Irvini said...

The world of cycling has just discovered the world of celebrity.

How long before Cav dates a Pussycat Doll?

Cam said...

AYTHCSMB

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