Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Highlighting Inadequacy: Casting the First U-Lock

(U-lock beatdowns: cut it out!)

As many people are aware by now (judging by the number of emails I've received about it), the "Intenet" has obtained dramatic footage of a New York City cyclist administering a beating to a pedestrian with a U-lock:




This video has already appeared on a number of other blogs and websites, but I'm going to go on record and say something controversial that they probably haven't, which is this: you really shouldn't hit people with a U-lock. Yes, I just "went there" and there's no taking it back. I know it's an unpopular sentiment, but I really do feel that beating somebody about the face and head with a heavy metal object is a really inconsiderate thing to do.

Of course, the video doesn't tell the whole story, so we don't know what exactly it was that prompted the altercation in the first place. However, I think it's pretty safe to say that whatever it was did not warrant assault with U-lock, inasmuch as the victim did not brandish a deadly weapon and threaten the cyclist's life. And even if he had brandished a deadly weapon and threatened the cyclist's life, the cyclist still shouldn't have hit him with a U-lock. He should have pedaled his ass out of there. The only situation that could possibly excuse the cyclist's behavior would be that he and the pedestrian are arch-nemeses with a deadly rivalry spanning a period of many years, and that the pedestrian has been responsible for the deaths of people close to the cyclist, so like Uma Thurman in "Kill Bill," the cyclist has been seeking revenge ever since.

The truth is though that this scenario is extremely unlikely, and what we can see leads me to believe the following took place: firstly, the cyclist was riding along on his fixed-gear wearing his metaphorical Heinrich Himmler's glasses and highlighting the inadequacies of others (which, as we saw yesterday, is a natural consequence of fixed-gear riding). Then, the cyclist came upon an intersection and a pedestrian. Perhaps one or both of them was crossing the intersection illegally, or perhaps not--it really doesn't matter. What does matter is that an altercation broke out. Maybe the pedestrian even called the cyclist a "twatcrust." In any case, the pedestrian's inherent inadequacy was thrown into sharp relief, and the cyclist became so enraged by this inadequacy that he withdrew his U-lock and attacked.

It's also worth noting that the video's description implies that the cyclist is a "bike messenger." However, I tend to doubt this is the case, since bike messengers tend to be too busy delivering packages to assault pedestrians with little provocation. (They're also too busy to stop when they plow into them at intersections.) Judging from the cyclist's clothing and general appearance, I'd wager that he's simply a "Nü-Fred." The Nü-Fred is distinguished by his entry-level "My First Fixie" with risers and brand-new Chrome bag, and is rapidly supplanting the "Classic Fred" (distinguished by his entry-level road bike, Primal jersey, and helmet with visor) in terms of ubiquity. Since the Nü-Fred's cycling experience prior to purchasing a fixed-gear generally consists of the three times he rode a bike over to his friend's house in middle school, the Nü-Fred is often on edge. Furthermore, this edginess can be compounded by the considerable stresses felt by young and privileged people new to the big city.

Put yourself in this particular Nü-Fred's MKS toe clips for a moment if you will. His life is undoubtedly full of all manner of hardships. Perhaps he shares an apartment in Williamsburg with his friend from Wesleyan, and his friend is now sleeping with his ex-girlfriend from sophomore year, which he's forced to listen to every night due to the flimsy walls hastily erected by his landlord in order to charge two Wesleyan graduates $1,200 apiece to live in a one-bedroom apartment. Perhaps also the MacBook Pro he got for graduation just crashed that moring, and he lost his entire iTunes library. Then, when he went into the kitchen for some breakfast, his ex-girlfriend was already sitting at the kitchen table in just a t-shirt looking all hot and eating the last of the Froot Loops. So, he decides to clear his head with a ride, but his fixie is creaking and he can't figure out why since the instructions from Bikesdirect don't say anything about greasing the seatpost. Then, some pedestrian gives him a hard time for not paying attention to where he's going, and there's your beating.

Still, as difficult as this person's life almost assuredly is, beating someone up with a U-lock is nothing less than criminal, so if you're this rider's roommate, his roommate's girlfriend, or the guy in the bike shop who swapped out the stock cog on his Mercier Kilo TT for him, I urge you to turn him in. In the meantime, I'll be on the lookout for him myself, though if I see him I obviously won't attempt to apprehend him because, well, I don't want to get hit with a U-lock. I will however attempt to take his picture from a safe distance.

Speaking of excuses, Cadel Evans (otherwise known as "the John Coltrane of excuses") continues to amaze cycling fans with his mesmerizing excusescapes:

(image by erik k)

Yes, a reader has informed me that Evans has further abstracted his excuses in the same way that Coltrane further abstracted his sound between "A Love Supreme" and "Ascension:"

Arguably, making excuses for one's poor performance is unprofessional, though couching one's excuse in professionalism by refusing to give any details is art. Even more compelling is the excuse-within-an-excuse, when Evans implies in a different interview that the problem he refuses to divulge for professional reasons is that his team sucks:

Frankly, I'm not buying it. Firstly, if Evans's team keeps failing him year after year then why doesn't he change teams? Secondly, Alberto Contador is winning the Tour de France at the moment even though his team didn't even want him to win. Yes, cycling is a team sport, but at a certain point every rider is responsible for "curating" his own destiny.

Speaking of "curating," a reader has alerted me to a bicycle for sale in St. Paul that is nothing less than a curatorial masterpiece:



Cyberpunk Schwinn - Tricentenial Edition - $275 (St Paul)
Date: 2009-07-21, 5:01PM CDT
Reply to: [deleted]


This bike comes to us all the way from 2076, a Schwinn Varsity born in 1976 and reborn in a dystopic future. Say what you will about post-industrial collapse, android masters, and Harrison Ford, but this bike has to be seen to be believed. Take the brake lever mounted as a ships throttle - this unique piece sends this bike from high gear to low gear (sorry no hyperdrive enabled). Take a look for yourself at this visitor from future. Whether you're a hacker, a commuter, or a renegade on the run, this bike is for you. Here's why:


Features:


--Two-speed drivetrain with stem-mounted lever shifter!


--700c Hybrid Wheelset w/ Treaded Tires-- These, plus the single-speed drivetrain and the 70's components, make this bike a kind of urban tank. This is a relatively new wheelset (late '90s) with tires that are at home on the road-- not too knobby, like mountain bike tires-- but can also handle dirt and grass well, too.


--Basket perfect for carrying government issue uniforms, motherboards, or your collection of Phillip K. Dick novels.


-- Hand-painted frame built by a legion of uncompensated child replicants, with identification stencils from the North American Trade and Defense Conglomerate Vehicle Issuing Office.


Measurements: Frame: 20″, Length: 21″, Standover: 30″


Asking $275 or best offer.


bigger pictures and more bikes here: http://belfrycustombikes.wordpress.com/




This could very well be the world's geekiest theme bike. The centerpiece of the groupo is undoubtedly the "stem mounted lever shifter" which controls the two-speed drivetrain. The only thing that would make this bike better would be a second lever that repels girls, but the fact is that it's probably not necessary since the bike itself is sufficiently dorky to ensure the rider's eternal virginity.

This isn't the only bicycle from Belfry Custom Bikes, either. A visit to their site reveals a number of other intriguing curations as well. Take the "Bat-Bike" for example:

While their claim that this bike offers the rider a"zen-like body-soul connection" might be a bit of a stretch, I suppose that if you can find cycling bliss on a machine like this then you probably are an enlightened soul who has truly transcended the physical plane:


Of course, "zen" allusions are usually reserved for fixed-gears, and here's Belfry Customs's take:




This fixed-gear doesn't just highlight the inadequacy of others; this fixed-gear is inadequacy. Even Cadel Evans couldn't excuse it.

180 comments:

mikeweb said...

Po-dee-um

displacedcalifornian said...

first

fingerbang y'all...

streepo said...

podium!!!

displacedcalifornian said...

er second (and third)

Anonymous said...

DEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRPPPPPPPPPPPP

Anonymous said...

Me TOo

gc rider said...

top tizzie

The Rented Mule said...

Yo!

Asterisk said...

Di LuCERA

Eric Lowe said...

Hmmm.

rezado said...

I came here to chew bubble gum and kick ass...and I am all out of bubble gum.

Mr G. said...

I second the "DEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRPPPPPPPPPPPP"

ant1 said...

ant1st!

RAGBRAI said...

Snoberoo
you need to take off the 3rd week in july next year and ride RAGBRAI
(registers annual great bike ride across iowa). you will see every and all of your bicycle related phobias every day, for hours on end. there are 10,000 plus riders (aka carnival) pedaling across the state, sunday thru saturday. old, young, skinny, not skinny, tall, short, and even a couple of NYC'ers(they;re east to spot).
your life would be greatly enriched by particiating in RAGBRAI. (i'm writing from RAGBRAI now).
i just saw batman and robin riding up a long hill (separate bikes, not a tandem).

Anonymous said...

Poor teamwork and no leadout - again! I gotta find a new team!

ant1 said...

man, i leave the country for a little while and there's all sort of new people here. i have some catching up to do. 13th from paris ain't bad though. i hope you're all having a good tour. see you monday.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Versus commentators came up with another great idea for the jersey competitions at the Tour. The rider who finishes dead last on the stage is awarded the Detroit Lions jersey.

Anonymous said...

i hope they catch that guy, seriously

Fritz said...

The guy swinging the U-Lock reminded me of Ruth Buzzi swinging her purse at the old man on the bench...

mikeweb said...

I can only imagine what other blogs are saying about this.

That said, the pedestrian could be Michael Madsen. The frustrated NuFred didn't have a snake handy, so had to go to the u-lock.

hillbilly said...

mikeweb!!!! way to go! and ant1! howdy!

anyone have their bags randomly searched at entrance to bklyn bridge today? I talk manhattan bridge, so didn't see it, but heard nypd were stopping all cyclists?

Camp Cupboard said...

Damn what a beat-down! I like that sufficient video time was devoted to his wobbly post-beatdown swagger.

Fritz said...

Def a Ruth Buzzi Wannabee

kale said...

hillbilly-

Are they searching for bloody U-Locks, because I use mine to hunt the elusive guinea fowl (think boomerang) of Cunningham Park on the weekends.

db said...

Put yourself in this particular Nü-Fred's MKS toe clips for a moment if you will....

That whole paragraph is amazing. Thanks for that.

Justin said...

Hey, I know one the guys selling the bikes in St. Paul! He's a student at Macalester College...

I Rub Commando said...

i don't understand the Western fascination with the word "zen." it's a Chinese word that means "truth" and it's used in every day language. "truthfully?" = "zen da ma?"

the truth is, that U-lock slinging cockboy is going to go down in a big way. Zen-da.

BikeSnobNYC said...

I Rub Commando,

So is "zen da" the same as saying "true dat?"

--RTMS

PS: I thought "zen" was the Chinese word for "fixed-gear."

Astroluc said...

I dunno... not to say the "u-lock assault 09" wasn't extreme (which it was) but it did appear that the Nu-Fred did try to "walk away" several times while the pedestrian was either holding onto him or some part of his bike; if someone was holding onto me or my bike without my consent during a "heated" exchange you can bet I would do something to get them to stop... admittedly I would try words and only after exhausting all diplomacy would I resort to physicality (and even then, I'd probably refrain from the U-Lock method); but the fact remains that the cyclist tried to walk away several times prior to using the Lock.

And think about it; the "cyclist" was probably 140lbs in his skinny jeans... the pedestrian looked like he might be close to 200! Little guy panicked! ;)

hillbilly said...

makes sense, kale - there is also apparently an emerging rabid raccoon problem in manhattan

jolene said...

hell thats just the darnest thang id ever seed since that time pimlico jake and brady got inewit over a bartles and james then they rassled and jake took a hoarse shew to the haid

we was out drankin and shit near the lawn darts and shoes by the way

then boy howdy you shuda seed the way he carried on over how it werent fare and all

shit i tolt him fare is what you pay when you ride the grayhound and to walk it off or he wan get nenny but i guess thats new yark and yalls a bunch of sissys who caint take a punch for no reason but that chinaman seemed to take it purty well i hopes he catches that sussy and beats his pansy ass

Ka_Jun said...

That U-lock beating was horrible. I hope they find him.

I Rub Commando said...

Snob,

"da" is similar to the "den" in "golden." no one would simply say "zen" - they must say "zen da" to make the thought complete ("ma" is the question particle, btw).

so you are essentially correct. in conversation you can use "zen da" like saying "is that right?"

kale said...

So you think the NYPD is searching messenger bags for stowaway raccoons?

Cadel said...

The fakenger was just distributing some "U-lock Justice," inspired by the R.A.M.B.O. playing on his iPod shuffle.

Anonymous said...

Maybe he pedestrian in the video was giving a heil hitler in the beginning when he raised his arm at one point and was probably thinking about Heinrich Himmler so that's a very good reason to get beat up. Germans suck.

Anonymous said...

I think that was more of a ULock tickling. I'm not even sure there was 1 diminunitive frenchman's worth of power there.

Isn't this a little like the geek trying to stand up to the schoolyard bully? Now there's no question that anybody can mess with NuFreds - a minor U lock tickle is all that will come out of it.

grog said...

Why would Nuefred risk harm to his knuckle tats when he can beat Nonfred with an unregistered and probably stolen U-lock?
NUKL TATS

Anonymous said...

hitting someone with a ulock is like hitting someone in the balls. especially if its an old man. use yours fists dude.

hands of stone said...

cyclist should generally avoid fights as they tend to punch like sissies and make little girly sounds when they get hit.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 1:33pm,

The force of a single Nü-Fred U-lock blow is called a Nü-Fred Unit (or NFU). 25 NFUs is equal to a single DFU.

--BSNYC

Anonymous said...

That dude is probably thanking his lucky stars that the NuFred was palping an aluminum u-lock from Chari & Co.

Mad Jack McMad said...

Maillot douche!

bikesgonewild said...

...no matter how bad-ass you think ya are, there'a always somebody out there who's more bad-ass...

...use a u-lock as a weapon against an unarmed person & someday the cosmos is gonna put you in contact w/ that karmic "more bad-ass" mofo & they just might shove that u-lock straight up yer ass...
...most deservedly so...

handysmurff said...

Why am I not suprised the vendor of post-irony bikes in StP is a student at Mac?

Anonymous said...

Snob -
Reading the belfry "writer"'s painful attempt at irony/humor in the context of your writing was like running out of hot water in the shower.

The belfry writing certainly got my attention, but it made me shiver in pain (and dare i say it? it caused me to shrivel up... just a bit)

The writers at Performance did a much nicer job when they stole your pistadex. The Belfry writer... what a douchebag.

g-rock said...

U-locks are for hitting cars, not people. Gawd.

Anonymous said...

Snob - thanks for the clarifaction. 25 NFU to 1 DFU.
annon 1:33

Anonymous said...

Geez that NuFred can't throw a punch to save his life--he should get some tips from Buzz Aldrin.

Anonymous said...

He reaches for the ulock at the 12 second mark while they walk alongside each other. Man gesturing.

Looks like unprovoked swat to the back of the head at the 16 second mark while they talk.

I count 11 NFUs. Given the power of a DFU, this is a serious beating.

Disgusting! Outrageous! F NYC!

adolph hipster said...

18/48

Mad Jack McMad said...

This is what happens when an actual messenger gets into an altercation. Notice the u-lock stays in the belt.

http://www.citynoise.org/article/2770

Also, maybe it's a Toronto thing, but notice that actual bystanders stepped in to help the person being assaulted. To paraphrase a famous comedian: if someone is hitting me with a u-lock, don't film it- help me!

Disgruntl Ed. said...

I Rub...

Some wikipedia etymology of Zen:

Japanese 禅, from (禅那 zenna; Mandarin: chánnà), a derivation from the Sanskrit term dhyāna (Pāli: jhāna), which refers to a specific type or aspect of meditation.

Even if zen were Mandarin, there are so many homonyms in that language that it would still be an unlikely match.

Zhen de.

Fritz said...

Anon 132 a little early in the day to be drinking the Manischewitz eh?

wishiwasmerckx said...

Last time I looked, the fourth amendment to the US Constitution prohibited warrentless searches absent probable cause. The police can not stop cyclists at random and search their messenger bags. Moldy rucksacks, perhaps, but definitely not messenger bags.

MINGUStheMECHANIC said...

That ulock could've knocked that older gent out or worse. When you pick up a weapon you must be aware that the use of such weapon may cause serious injury and are you prepared for that at a nyc corner, mid day with plenty of eyes.much harder to prove self defense if you are the only one holding, trust me.

Got a call from Amex this morning seems like NASHBAR got hacked in late December 08' and my account may have been comprimised, I was advised to scrutinize each statement. Whats worse is that it was my first and only time at nashbar.

rightsaid kev said...

Legal precedent tells us that the U-lock is not a deadly weapon. That being said, how about that remount?

ken e. said...

concurring here with fritz...
check you history anon 1:32, germans don't suck (exception maybe the manufacturing of my water-pump, thanks vw!).

fascism sucks.
violence sucks.
most of all, racism sucks.

mander said...

Cavendish!

Another great post Lucho, I mean RTMS.

Test Tickle said...

regarding the u-lock incident...

proving once again, people really suck.

balls.

frilly said...

wtf? I thought NYC had gotten friendlier. Love how the cars and people all go out of their way to avoid getting involved, especially the gal walking by at the end.

Anonymous said...

Wishiwasmerckx is correct. I guess they still teach the Bill of Rights somewhere in Amerika. If a cop stops you and asks to search your bag, just ask "for what probable cause sir?" Then get ready for a tasering that will make a U-lock beating look like a walk in the park.

Aluminum U-locks. Now I have seen everything...

bikesgonewild said...

...man, it sucks to suck...

Luck E. Seven said...

DEAD FRED

WHIN YCAD

UGLY BIKE
DUMB BIKE
HALF BIKE



A

Anonymous said...

That was the dumbest, dumbest, DUMBEST thing I've seen another human being do. The kid is f'in lucky he didn't use the lock as a hammer instead of his slap approach. He coulda killed the guy, and this comes from one who has ulocked a car's hood. That too was stupid, but man, a person's head? Jeevus!

Black Dickerson said...

idea of the day: two blogspots.

the first would be for all the "bitchen" winners that participate in the excessively lame "podium" contest.

the second would be for those who actually have something to write.

and, please, escort 'jolene' by force to blogspot one.

or blogspot none.

Seanywonton said...

That is why I don't talk shit to strangers in New York, even if they are wrong. You never know what kind of a crazy asshole they might be.

mikeweb said...

I wonder if U-lock boy was the same one snarling at a pedestrian next to me as we sat at a redlight at 42nd and 6th ave. this morning.

He wasn't even yelling at ME, but I still felt like telling him to shut the fuck up.

I have to say, I'm not a fan of the random violence. More often than not, it blows back at someone other than the person that it should.

leroy said...

Oh dear. That video clip is disturbing.

What if that woman in the Cadillac ads on Versus is right?

What if one's relationship with one's car isn't so different from one's other relationships?

Does this mean I have to keep an eye on my Prius in case it gets peeved and tries to take me out with a U-Lock?

Or do I simply have to worry about it telling me it just wants to do a short, easy training ride and then dropping me on a hill somewhere in Jersey?

mikeweb said...

To Cadel, er, I mean Black Dickerson:

Why are you so bothered by the podium contestants? Are you allergic to fun? Why is having fun and sharing serious ideas or opinions on the same comments page a problem?

In conclusion, I will quote a great man, whose name escapes me right now:

"Just pull down your pants, and slide on the ice!"

mikeweb said...

and Seany:

I second that advice.

leroy said...

Hillbilly --

Nobody tried to search me -- or anyone else I saw -- this morning on the Brooklyn Bridge.

And given what I wear, you'd think someone would stop me to search for my missing dignity.

Anonymous said...

When they outlaw u-locks, only outlaws will have u-locks.

Grand Dad Crunk said...

Wow, looks like a sh*thead, hipster, wanna-be cowboy to me.

I've heard numerous people discuss the protective "virtues" of a U-Lock but never actually witnessed the disgusting concept acted out. Regardless of what transpired beforehand, the cyclists body language shows nothing but intent to use the lock as a weapon and inflict harm. Douche!

Like 99% of the people who read this blog I ride everyday, have for years, I'm yet to use my lock on another human's head...

Black Dickerson said...

hi mikeweb.

no, i'm not allergic to fun.

it might be fun for those participating, but it's not that much fun to scroll through if you're not participating.

so have your fun, and let it be someplace else.

as for calling me "cadel", i'll let it brush off me: i can't say that i do or don't admire him (i don't follow the blow-by-blow antics of cycling or any sport that closely), but would like to have the conditioning of any world-class cyclist.

and, for better or worse, he's one.

Anonymous said...

RTMS,
Something against Wesleyan brats? You do paint a compelling and likely picture though. He could have just been a disoriented Bostonian brat in town for a few days. And I agree, flight not fight... its cheaper in the long run.

Test Tickle said...

regarding Black Dickerson's latest comment....

proving once again, people hate scrolling. it's just so damn tedious.

balls.

bikesgonewild said...

...leroy...let's face it...if you didn't drive yer prius around naked, it wouldn't even admit to you being the owner...

...as for yer bikes, well.........

Anonymous said...

do not malign the fixed gear like the pit bull--punish the owner, not the breed.

Adolf Hipster said...

Dia-Compe Gran Compe SS

veloben said...

Anon 1:32

Seems now a days Germans fall with in the same range of behaviors as the rest of Northern European population. Basically human and humane.

However, Nazis always have and always will suck.

Hopefully Snob's Himmler's glasses motif will soon fade from this blog. While it's just a tool for him to poke fun at the myopia of members of subgroup of cyclists, it is like using a very old u-lock to correct a lack of social skills.

Wrong tool, hard to handle and likely to get turned on the wielder.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Leroy, hate to see you leave; love to watch you go. No homo.

Anonymous said...

Hitler wore contact lenses.

Luck E. Seven said...

Black Dick,

Your suggestion to start a new blog is an excellent one. Let us know how it goes.

Don't mess with Jolene. She'll take your man.



A

kale said...

All you humanists suck my Balzac

Wes said...

It wasn't this particular Wesleyan.

Test Tickle said...

Kale -

Are you perhaps referring to Honoré de Balzac?

Great read.

Anonymous said...

謝謝你, Ed. I almost lost some gruntles over that whole 狗屁 explanation of Zen.

真的.

rookieroadracer said...

"I know it's an unpopular sentiment, but I really do feel that beating somebody about the face and head with a heavy metal object is a really inconsiderate thing to do."

Solid gold as usual! Really though, who among us has NOT wanted to smash someone in the face with a U-lock from time to time? It happens.

Black Dickerson said...

Luck E. Seven (centimeters, obviously)

although, not surprisingly, you misunderstood my post, i accept your idea, with a challenge:

if every person in north america sends me a dollar, i will create a blog that excludes you.

P.S.: the response has been great, but there are one or two of you i've yet to get a buck from.




A

Luck E. Seven said...

Black Dick,

Glad we understand each other.
Good luck!


A

Black Dickerson said...

Blah blah blah blah I'm a self involved douche who just started to use a computer and I have to tell people what I think about everything...

Black Dickerson said...

Thanks Luck E. Sorry I came on here and hassled the locals. Wouldn't want to be a troll or anything.

Robert Sylvester Kelly said...

My mind is tellin me no
But my body,
my body's tellin me yes

I don't want to hurt nobody
But there is something that I must confess:

I don't see nothing wrong with a little bump and grind

Test Tickle said...

Black Dick-

seems to me you're doing a pretty good job of "trolling" at the moment.

i know, blah, blah, blah ... that's a new one.

balls.

Juan Altitude said...

The video reminds me why I don't argue with crazy people.

Dirk said...

Is nobody seeing the obvious...the dude with the U-Lock is clearly Cadel and the old guy just stepped on his dog. Good on you, Cadel.

Anonymous said...

What a fucking twat! I urge every cyclist in the immediate area to nab this cretin, convey him to secret location, shackle his arms and legs to the floor, Place moderate size cage containing one-two rats around head and neck. Use subsequent film footage for remake of 1984 movie

Anonymous said...

the cyclists still shouldn't have hit him with a U-lock

singular "cyclist" perhaps?

were you the pedestrian, seeing double after that smack in the head?

...crashed that moring
mooring?
morning?



sorry... my inadequacies were highlighted and I'm responding with angry comments

Fierce Panties said...

100
I'm so fucking tired

Anonymous said...

I love everyone in this comment's section. Y'all are on it today!

Black Dickerson, welcome to the comments. Some of us need our daily scrolling to keep the shifter-fingers properly stretched for the evening ride. Whatever that may entail.

I can't wait to hear more of your voice (truly--you sound interesting), but please respect the training routines that some of us require.

conphoto87 said...

Interesting story on the U-Lock, I had a similar experience a few weeks ago. I'm a pedicab driver in Denver and nine kids ended up jumping me and two other riders late one night. i had a u-lock in the back of my shorts but didn't pull it until i was overtaken by three dudes in the rumble. I didn't really want to but when you got three guys swinging at ya at once it was all I could do. I bashed three or four kids with the cylinder right center mass. I didn't aim for the head. After droppin a few kids, another punk pulled a knife on me and i backed up until they took off, this time though I was aiming for the head. So all said and done I think using a U-lock could be a smart move if your a cyclist in danger, like fearing for you life danger. I feel bad for the twenty something year old kids, they all got arrested and are facing felony charges plus we put a few of them in the hospital (not bad for nine on three!) But you got to protect yourself

mikeweb said...

Methinks that Black Dick is maybe in his own douchey way, trying to teach us all a lesson about patience and tolerance for douchey people.

He is a very wise and superior being - we should just accept his douchy-ness and move on, just like U-lock boy should've.

Anonymous said...

Wasn't there a letter published in Urban Velo about this recently?

Methinks the glorification of the Kryptonite lock is at wits end.

southpole said...

right this may be almost off-topic and too heavy for this blog, but just to let you know, i was in auschwitz earlier this week and saw a large pile of glasses taken from the victims, and they ALL looked like himmlers glasses at the time. i mean identical, this seems to have been the only easily available model in the 40s.

jeff said...

you realize by virtue of the inherent properties of the internet by saying the guy who rides the bike from, "2076," will never get laid makes that bike the ironic centerpiece of his groupo lifestyle. Now it's transformed into a hipster chick magnet

Fierce Dockers said...

True dat-a.

On a bicycle I have a lot of options to avoid conflict especially if someone other than me is being a doucher. The best way is to keep my mouth shut (very difficult for me) and then to pedal really fast (ever more so difficult)
away.

The Denver pedicab wild card scenario is a difficult one. May I suggest bear mace, and that is available at the REI mothership in Denver. Doesn't everyone in Colorado carry a can in their Subies? The bear mace also fits nicely in a bottle cage.

Famous Original Black Dickerson said...

um, the stuff that does not sound like me is not me.

"blah, blah, blah". please, people, this just ain't me.

"self-involved"? think just a moment, if possible: wasn't my original comment about the self-involved nature of those who waste time (for their own self-interests) on the "podium" race?

"just started to use a computer". come on, you can do better than that.

"have to tell people what i think about everything". sorry, not even close.

"hassled the locals". what kind of silly micro-drama is this?

tolerance, people.

save for bsnyc, nobody owns this blog.

give me something better to work with.

Rubb said...

If you can't at least put a guy on the ground with a U-Lock beating, someone's right cross will catch up to you faster than justice.

Anonymous said...

g-rock -

U-locks are for locking up your bike, not hitting cars (or people.)

Anonymous said...

Black Dickerson, is that really you, anon 2:11?

leroy said...

BGW & wishiwasmerckx --

Points well taken.

But is it just me or does anyone else think there may be something wrong with that orphan named Esther who keeps interrupting the Tour?

SkullKrusher said...

Brilliant as always. I must admit, tho that I felt ashamed while reading the post. You see, I have a Mercier Galaxy. For the price it's a decent bike I do feel a little weird when I ride with my friends in Bianchis, but I love it and that's good enough for me.

About Cadel Evans: WTF is wrong with this douchebag? I always thought he looked like he's mentally retarded. Am I alone here? His eyes are too far apart. Eew. I'd like to commend Sastre, tho. After some pussy ass "no one is paying attention to me" comments, today he basically came clean and said he was stinking it up and that was that. Fucken a!

FratStud said...

Guys at my high school used to beat pedestrians around the head with u-locks all the time. No big deal.

Anonymous said...

BD,

You are an inadequate devils advocate no matter what name you use. Your jib sucks. Go ride a bike instead of posting superfluous comments on this page and maybe your leg conditioning will be better.

Loser.

Norman said...

Pacifist pansies need to get beat.

Violence is frequently a perfect answer to stupidity.

SkullKrusher said...

Asterisk: Di LuCERA made me chuckle. Thanks for that!

mander: Cavendish needs braces. Also, I love that you continue to stand by your conspiracy theory that Lucho Metales and BSNYC/RTMS are the same person. Who knows, but may God almighty bless your heart!

Anonymous said...

"Riders prepare for the descent with newspapers, but Cadel Evans only has Kleenex" (Casey B Gibson Gallery)

c_c_rider said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
c_c_rider said...

ah.. the Nü-Fred. thank you snobby for now we can classify them in the annals of dorkdom.
oh, and i'd advise you to NOT ever ride RAGBRAI. if a few freds in matching primal jerseys isn't bad enough, just imagine 1000's of them all on the road together and all quite drunk.

Fred said...

As a Fred, I do not carry a U-Lock. Typically, I run three K-Mart cables through the Hite-Rite on my saddle, back through the rear rack high enough to avoid tangling the spoke-holder on the chainstay and then back through the main triangle, staying clear of my three bottle holders, pump, CO2 carts, and top-tube bag. I always take my rack-topper with me. Sometimes I lock the old Tourlite up, but usually I just wear it inside. The visor can be helpful against the bright florescents at the Office Depot.

I do not trust these Nü-Freds. I don't think they are proper Freds at all. The one in the video didn't even have a beard.

Black Dickerson said...

dear anonymous 7:50pm,

my "jib" sucks? are you referring to something on my boat? did you mean "jibe"? or "jive"? or "jab"?

or are you just a fool?

thanks for your thoughtful advice on my workouts. i live at over 7,000 feet above sea level. the issue is more lungs than legs. but i will take your advice in the spirit that you've offered it. in other words, please eat shit and die.

do you even know what a devil's advocate is?

i do feel singled out that you (anonymously) feel that my posts are superfluous.

are they really that bad? and that unnecessary? even compared to yours? ouch.

you may not be too bright, and you're not even brave (or clever) enough to give yourself a name, but you are certainly filled with hate.

are you in a tower with a high-powered rifle?

your buddy,

Black Dickerson

Jason Crane said...

You're a jazzhead? Now the circle is complete.

http://www.rocbike.com/2009/07/22/hes-a-jazzhead-too/

Anonymous said...

"U said it man, no body fucks with the jesus."

Anonymous said...

Or a street corner with a u lock ready to bash your teeth in.

No, I meant jib in reference to a post you made under another name.

devils advocate-a person who champions the less accepted cause for the sake of argument. I may not be bright but I know how to use the internet.

I am sure you dont have the legs or the lungs to keep up with me on any climb. Live in denver? We can actually test this theory.

Dont crack on the next climb buddy.

g-rock said...

As wrong as it is, he tried to walk away several times. We missed a bit of detail around the corner, but if big guy started grabbing at him, he could panic and hit him to get away. Big guy seemed to like it and kept coming back. The adrenaline would keep him going until big guy backed off.

Personally, if someone was swinging a U-lock at me, I'd be heading the other direction.

Anon 5:42 - I've hit so many cars with my U-lock...in my mind. Mmm, feels good. I'm hitting one right now.

Fred said...

Mikeweb, BD, et al, I can't believe all the bickering when Jens is in the hospital. You should all be busy making him cookies.

Anonymous said...

I am not tired of being tired. I am tired of seeing LA's mug shot everywhere. J.C., its even on on the BBC web page.

David Walsh

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MINGUStheMECHANIC

A couple of months ago I got a call from my bank one Sunday morning saying $2300 of suspicious purchases had been made on my card. A couple weeks later the same thing happened to my roommate in the amount of $300. Since we just love cheap crap we had been shopping on Nashbar. We both blamed Nashbar at the time and have stopped ordering from them.

Be aware all you bargain shoppers!

"NASH HACK"

Black Dickerson said...

Anon 9:14,

What an annonymous tough guy you are. whoa!

Good news for you: i'm in santa fe, quite a bit higher than denver. (go ahead, look that up on the internet.)

come anytime. i'm serious.

leave your anger behind.

i will shellac you. and i will do it on a single speed.

i'd be happy to document it all and post forward the photos to bsnyc.

bring your u lock if you think it will help.

bikesgonewild said...

...ahhh, ahem !!!...if you two, ah, gentlemen are over yer little on-line pissing contest, take a step back & listen to yerselves...

...if you guys had a little 'backstory' on this site, maybe just maybe, the rest of us might find this interesting but ya don't & thusly, we don't, goddammit !!!...

...kenny van hummel it, you bitches !!!...

Anonymous said...

awwww..... Kenny.


I was rooting for Kenny too.

Anonymous said...

SkullKrusher:
the previous anonymous messages re. BSNYC being Lucho were from me, not Mander. That gentleman is an imposter, and probably a wheel sucker like Cadel or a second tier thrash band like Death Angel.
Where am i from you ask? Let's just say for professional reasons i can't disclose my location.
ps. for all i know you too are Lucho. I have suspicions as to a super blogger, who adopts many guises. The conspiracy continues to unravel...

Anonymous said...

Van Hummel!

bikesgonewild said...

...can you say RADIO SHACK ???...

...'cuz if yer a bruyneel & armstrong fan, yer gonna be hearing it a bunch, in the bunch...

...just sayin'...& if you wanna talk first post podiums, then THAT, motherfuckers, is a real podium...

Anonymous said...

While I've grown to tolerate, and even regularly appreciate, the podium race (that day ant1 took all 3 top spots totally ruled) I actually agree w/ BD that the "jolene" posts aren't ever remotely funny or interesting. Ideally of course, I'd just skip over them, but they're always so annoyingly long that I get sucked into thinking they might be witty or informative (which I guess is the nice thing about the podium race -- you can just breeze over it real quick, taking notice of who places where.)

If I ever upgrade my system to the point that it refreshes quickly I may nab a top 10 at some point. For now, I'm like some lame-ass cat-5 on a Scattante...

djaniquinn said...

One truly swift and well aimed swing of the U-lock would have made this incident seem far less brutal. It was the repeated "thwocks" that drew the whole incident out a few moments too long. I never had that knockout power with my fists. A U lock would definitely help.

Anonymous said...

Did I miss something? It seems to me that the maniacs at Belfry have put a front brake on the bat bike which has a freewheel. So the hapless rider is going over the bars. Right? Belfry are the real criminals here!

FWIW I thought Jolene's post was funny.

richard irvine said...

Leave Cadel alone, he's a nice chap with an occasionally amusing whiny Australian cry-baby voice

Anonymous said...

I heart Jolene.

Luck E. Seven said...

Another beatdown theory:

Crosswalk cock block with a U-lock!



A

Anonymous said...

What disturbed me most is this being posted under the title "U Lock Justice" in certain blogs.

Anonymous said...

BD,

Same rhetoric as gordo and kurt, still boring.

mikeweb said...

@ Fred 8:58,

Priceless!!

And yes, I'm already working on a batch of Tollhouse cookies w/ Walnuts.

kale said...

I don't know about the whole "jolene" thing and "red neckerson" (where are you btw?) but this so called "RTMS" makes it hard to scroll to the podium race - what with all those off center pictures, pop-culture references, and literary filigrees.

This shoe sure looked like it would have tasted better, Harumph!

Anonymous said...

http://www.yehudamoon.com/index.php?date=2008-02-08

U-Lock attack

Fritz said...

Incredible... poking around the web where this is posted how many morons are coming to the defense of the
NuFred

The imaginary physical threats they are dreaming up are incredible, none of which can be found on the clip.

Gdub Bush said...

Pre-emptive U-Lock Justice before it's too late!

Anonymous said...

Laugh at Kenny if you will, but the dude wins races (flat races):

Palmarès
2009
2nd, Profronde van Drenthe
2nd, Grote Scheldeprijs
2nd, Profronde van Noord-Holland
2nd, Championship of the Netherlands (Road)
1st, Profronde van Overijssel
1st, 1st stage Four days of Dunkirk
1st, Batavus Pro Race
1st, Dutch Food Valley Classic (Veenendaal - Veenendaal)
1st, Tour de Rijke

He'll be back...

bikesgonewild said...

...anon 1:17pm...wake up, dumb-dumb...nobody's laughing at kenny van hummel...

...i'd say we're all fans of the intrepid lad...it's a major disappointment that a man could strive so hard, be so close to his goal (paris) & yet be handed a cruel twist of fate...

Anonymous said...

i'm not laughing at Kenny...

out alone over every climb EVERY day and still finishing within the time cut is as amazing as it is hard.

That said,
Van Hummel!

CommieCanuck said...

Hmmm...while the U-lock whacking was bizarre, what was more bizarre is that the victim persisted after the first blows. And even more bizarre is that some guy is walking around NY video recording road traffic. While the vid was disturbing, in Texas this whole thing would have been over in a second with someone dead.

Poor Cadel..his wheel sucking days are numbered. If he wants to win stages, he'll have to take a lesson from Contador et al.and pedal faster uphill.

Brian said...

TeamRadioShack? great. they should make you give up your name, address, and phone number just to enter the site for an authentically irritating radioshack experience.

Anonymous said...

I once watched a SF fakenger swing his entire bike and knock a mouthy rollerblader to the ground. So funny. Rollerblader was spewing new age shite but didn't see the front wheel/bottom bracket attack coming. Using bike as a shield/battering stick is much more effective/less injurious than the u-lock.

Cheshyre said...

wtf. that was totally unprovoked. i hope they find that kid, and i hope that older guy is okay.

that said, if i had been the one holding the camera, i would've dove in for the old guy. no pacifism here.

Anonymous said...

A young man died from injuries inflicted with a U-lock a few years ago in Chicago. So let's try to keep cool heads, unless we are really being threatened, okay?

big blue said...

the more I look at that video the more it seems to me (militant cyclist here) that that guy was way out of line to swing his lock like that and deserves his medicine.

The pedestrian never made any physically agressive moves that I could see. Sure, he didn't shut up, he followed and remonstrated with the biker, but that doesn't deserve a lock whipping. About the head.

It also seems possible that the biker caused the problem in the first place by going thru pedestrians, not to mention throwing the first smack.

He deserves punishment, same as the cop who shoulder-charged the critical masser. funny that.

Anonymous said...

some dude at the end of the video says something to the beat down victim like "why did you do that? why didn't you just let him go?"

so, if the bdv is picking his teeth up off the floor, he might have no one to blame but himself.

dunno.

big blue said...

after more watching (and listening at top volume) you may be right anon.

I suppose that means the ped may have tried to grab the bike or something. he won't again.

this will all come out in the wash no doubt. wonder how many witnesses are available because this vid ain't the full picture.

Anonymous said...

I've often thought that if it ever came down to it and I found myself out on my bike and cornered by a gang of machete-wielding hoods, that I would be able to defend myself creditably using my sturdy U-lock...

But this video (horrible as it is) has sadly shattered my illusions.
The poor victim was hit several times (pretty hard by the look of things) but never even went down... or even backed away! Ergo, the U-lock appears far less effective as a defensive weapon than the fist.

Anonymous said...

OK, but why didn't the pedestrian just walk away when the guy first started swinging???

pjt said...

In the first frame that you see the two of them they are not yet in the crosswalk to their right and cars are stopped to the left of them. As they walk, three times the pedestrian points down the street in the direction they are walking. Seems like it is possible that something other than a biker not giving way to a pedestrian was going on.

Interesting that after getting hit four times in the head by a blunt object no one comes to the guys aid. Great to see that Kitty Genovese reactions are still going strong.

avoiland said...

Forget road rage. This rider went locust....

http://www.examiner.com/x-2429-Bicycle-Transportation-Examiner~y2009m7d26-NYC-cyclist-goes-locust-on-a-pedestrian

Anonymous said...

ulock beating, poor team spirit, egocentrism of fixed gear riders...headlines.

Anonymous said...

Whazza NuFred?

Anonymous said...

TSA just forced me to relinquish my U-Lock because I could “use it as a club.” It would seem that TSA reads your blog.

memories of better days said...

well if the dude grabbed him he deserved to get beat. if someone grabs me when im on my bike they are getting stabbed.

memories of better days said...

well if the dude grabbed him he deserved to get beat. if someone grabs me when im on my bike they are getting stabbed.

Matthew said...

I APOLOGIZE FOR ALL CAPS!

Hello Bikesnob,

I'm going to be a teacher; I'm starting my internship. My geared road bike was recently stolen due to my own carelessness: a nice blue 80s Trek that I upgraded with friends. A $600 investment down the shithole, illiterally.

I would really like to embed the ulock fight video onto a facebook note on the topic of Eisenhower's notion of "peace through strength."

After all, any hippie can ride their bike to school.

I can't figure out dang facebook.

Help!

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katherine said...

i don't think it's controversial to say that that u-lock beating was wrong and unnecessary. i guess if it is... i am totally on your side.

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