Thursday, September 4, 2008

Time Trials and Time Travel: The Advantages of Life in the Future


As I've mentioned before, the key to bike racing is always living mentally at least four months in the future. It's not about what you're doing now; rather, it's about what you're preparing for down the line. When you're in a perpetual state of preparation you always have an excuse for your present lack of results. Today doesn't count--tomorrow does. And the beauty of tomorrow is that it never comes. So while even the best racer will eventually run out of fitness, even the worst racer can draw from an infinite well of excuses. Just think like Wimpy: "I'll gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today."

Naturally, living four months into the future as I do (what a crazy Presidential election by the way--I sure didn't see that result coming!), I'm currently winding down my cyclocross season. As such, with road racing but a tiny speck in my helmet mirror, I am surprised to find that the professionals are not only still racing on the road, but are even competing in Grand Tours. Even more surprising, these professionals are living two months in the past, rather than four months in the future, since (as I pointed out on Tuesday) this year "the Vuelta will be the Tour." Unless of course they mean this year's Vuelta is actually the '09 Tour. The organizers never really specified. That would put the pros a whopping ten months in the future. And while I'm a strong proponent of living in the future, that's a little too far, since it's almost a year, and once you hit a year the seasons synch up again and it defeats the whole purpose.

At any rate, wherever they are in time, it's paying dividends for Astana, since yesterday Levi Leipheimer took the stage as well as the itchy-sounding "golden fleece." (Or, technically, the Maillot Jaune.) Of course, he lost it again today, but I think it's safe to say that the likelihood of a Frenchman winning either an actual or a nominal Tour de France is remote at best--unless in the spirit of time travel we all collectively decide to hotfoot it back to 1985. And regardless of the final outcome, Leipheimer, Astana, and Trek have been vindicated, because with the Vuelta being the Tour the "Let Levi Ride" campaign has now officially succeeded. (Remember, it's "Let Levi Ride," not "Let Levi Win.") I for one am hoping for a big celebration featuring Malaysian pop sensation Letle Viride, as well as opening act Nobr Akes, with Evans and Hincapie on the soprano and alto excuses respectively.

But while the pros are slugging it out in the Tour, now that my cyclocross season is over I'm settling into the holiday season. And the top item on my nondenominational seasonal gift-exchange day wishlist is the new Serotta, which was forwarded to me by a reader:



There are a lot of things that make me want this bike, but perhaps the most appealing thing about it to me is that it includes "speed maintenance at the lowest possible physiological cost." I'm not sure exactly what that means, but I think it means the bike is fast. Still, there's no such thing as a free lunch, and while the physiological cost is low the actual cost of the bike is high. Really high. Like "$12,000 to $22,000" high. I'm not sure what the $12,000 build includes, but the $22,000 limited edition one comes not only with Campagnolo Super Record but also with "one year of CTS training and a weekend for two at Saratoga Springs..." Now you might think that $22,000 sounds like a lot of money, but you really can't put a price on a romantic weekend for two in Saratoga Springs with Chris Carmichael, who by all accounts is a tender and gentle lover. Unfortunately, though, there are only 20 of these limited edition bikes available, which means the competition among dentists is going to be fierce. Also $22,000 is a lot of money, even for a dentist, which means if yours suddenly starts performing lots of unnecessary surgery on your mouth at least you'll know why.

Most importantly, though, with Serottas now breaking the $20K barrier "gap bikes" are about to get a whole lot fancier. If you're a dentist queueing up for the new MeiVici AE and you need something to tide you over in the meantime (like the tempting little swab of lidocaine before the needle delivers the good stuff), you might consider the Sampson Diablo S, which I happened upon in a recent issue of Bicycling magazine:


Not only is it a bargain at $5,699 when compared to the Serotta, but you can also be the first dentist on your block to have the new Sampson Stratics shifters. They feature "Intuishift," which should not be confused with "Inuishift," a technology designed for the Inuit and other people in cold climes which makes it easier to shift while wearing mittens. No, what's special about "Intuishift" is the carbon brake lever and the hole in the shift lever, without which you'd of course be riding the new Secret Website group:


Brand new, and already on sale. Nobody knows how to live in the future like Nashbar.

114 comments:

Anonymous said...

wee

Spokes... said...

Podium

sprider said...

Podium!

Anonymous said...

first is fun

Joe said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

ho hum

streepo said...

Top ten!!!

Lucky 7 said...

Lucky 7.

Mark said...

top ten?

Anonymous said...

10!

g said...

I am first on a post 4 months in the future. Eat that suckers!

wishiwasmerckx said...

I think that $2,200.00 is actually quite reasonable for a custom Serotta. Oh, wait...did you say $22,000.00? Never mind.

Anonymous said...

Just saw the Nashbar new "Groupo" this morning, only to find it waiting on BSNYC. The RTMS misses nothing.

singing soprano excuses ... laughed my way right out of a top ten.

Surly

Andrew said...

Meivici?
c'mon!
that name is a April Fools gag (7 months btw) , isn't it?
Serrotta named a bike "My Bike"
c'mon!
you're kiddin', right?

Anonymous said...

I don't know about Inuit shifters but I need some intrinsic shifters, where they inherently have the ability to shift... cause with mine I'm not sure what they were designed to do but they only work 50% of the time, maybe that's why the nashbar's are on sale already

Commiecanuk said...

Nashbar microshit levers-already reviewed in Europe as a cheap joke and the best reason to ride fixed gear bikes.

I'm glad to see that Serottas have hit $22,000..why should autos have the obnoxious twat demographic tied down? For $22K, you get a bike and an attitude, for an extra $1200, you get a pair of Prada sunglasses, and locked in a shack with Ben Serotta for six hours while he explains his philosophy and the true meaning of life. Stupid Tibetans got it all wrong, they picked the wrong guy as the current incarnation of the dali lama. There's a good reason Serottas are orange.

What will breaking the $20,000k bike barrier mean? It means we will finally see Donald Trump riding in central park, with custom hairpiece /helmet. It means Mark Cuban will now cycle commute to work. the world gets just that bit greener, Rapha sales on $170 gloves will soar, and arrogant prick lawyers will now be able to lease bikes and act smug in traffic. It's a new world.

I'm starting a bike detailing shop specializing in oiling chains with the scalp secretions of Belgian red-haired virgins. How much? Fuck off, that's how much.

Sprocketboy said...

As Chris Carmichael is a coach there will be a lot of abuse dished out on that weekend in Saratoga Springs, methinks. Ah! Chain whips, axle grease...Max Mosely (the F1 guy with the cryptt-German hobbies) probably spent more than $22,000 for his fun session and didn't even get a nice new bike at the end

Lucky 7 said...

BTW BSNYC;

Great interview with the winner of the Five Boro Bike Tour, Lawrence Orbach of Prospect-Lefferts Gardens, Brooklyn.


What? Aren't we commenting 4 months into the future? I'm still in May.


A

frilly said...

I was just about to relegate my Let Levi Ride shirt to dust cloth status. Who knew?

bikesgonewild said...

...i noticed during last nights 'rnc' that sarah palin referred to her husband as part eskimo rather than inuit, (simply meaning 'the people')...i guess that right handed shift comes w/ certain intellectual limits...

...of course, that campaign may be yet derailed...

Anonymous said...

Jeez frilly always commenting about shirts and dust ... why are you such a flirty troll

ryanfromdeland said...

http://www.sneakerfreaker.com/newsflash/Nike-Af1-Silver-Service-Fixie/

BSNYC please spread this out - nike's got a bike and the fixed gear apocalypse has begun!

ant1st said...

First!

ant1st said...

anyone seen the picture of Bettini on velonews?

bikesgonewild said...

...jeez, commiecanuck...at first i though you were on a blah, blah rant until i got to the essence of yer beautifully commercial venture...

...I'm starting a bike detailing shop specializing in oiling chains with the scalp secretions of Belgian red-haired virgins. How much? Fuck off, that's how much....

...if we're to regularly start seeing bikes over that 20k mark, you sir, are showing true entrepreneurial genius...

...& yer price ???...priceless...

Anonymous said...

a sword and a pizza!? those crazy spainards. what will they think of next? blood transfusions?

Jim said...

What comes on the $12k build? Mostly Tiagra and Alivio components, and a bright green rear wheel with "All you haters suck my balls" decals. It's not all privation, though. The pin securing the chain master link is from a Campy Super Record Chain, which adds approximately $540 to the build.

tex said...

I'm pretty sure the $12k version is mostly 105. Those Chinese cranks just kind of throw the whole thing off, though.

bikesgonewild said...

...hey, tex, the olympics are over & most of those chinese cranks have been laid to rest or at least they aren't posting as much...

Strayhorn said...

Jim said: The pin securing the chain master link is from a Campy Super Record Chain, which adds approximately $540 to the build.

Don't forget the super-dooper Campy chain pin tool you'll have to buy to maintain that pin. You can order it from the Campy folks, but first you have to prove you are either a "competitive" or "intense" rider.

Either way, it will take a chunk out of your mortgage payment.

frilly said...

anon 1:15, we will be having none of that now. Don't you know I am reformed? All bikes all the time.

For the record, its not that I think I'm sexy, its the thought of hot guys riding around in lycra sans undergarments that gets me all wound up. Henceforth, no longer thinking about the riders just the machinery...

So the Nashbar group is crap, huh?

tex said...

What? The Olympics are over? Dang, I was gonna watch some of it this time.

Art said...

A 43mm fork through a 73 degree head tube is a "deft handling tweak"? I must be living decades in the future if that's a revolutionary new design feature.

Cottered Crank said...

Meanwhile the competition is still wobbling along on 42mm forks with 73.5 degrees. The important thing is, of course, Does It Plane?

Anonymous said...

Wow, Serotta is the first frame manufacture to rip off times new RXR.
I guess its "onelesstitaniumbike" now?
Maby Ben should have asked 7 cycles how there carbon bike is selling???

ant1st said...

Frilly - no need for reasons, excuses or apologies. Anon 1:15 is just jealous you're not flirting with him.

Lucky 7 said...

All bikes and no flirt make frilly a dull girl, or a run-of-tha-mill middle aged homosexual man posing as a sepia-less kitten heel wearer with occasional bouts of roadie lust.

Nothin wrong with it, just different.


A

bikesgonewild said...

...i'm not gonna start a trend here of defending frilly but, although things ultimately didn't work out between us, i guarantee you that she is all woman, all the time...

...& that is my last & final word on the subject...

Gerchof Sirdribeldik said...

In motherland we are used to strong-willed hockey babushki, which is why we invented vodka. Many big swigs eases pain, yes? It takes strong stealy-eyed man like Vlad the Bad as he called by ones who speak many languages. I think Obama like Vlad the Bad in many ways. He has what I believe you call linebacker eyes.

Anon 1:15 said...

frilly - Just to clear the air that was not an attack on you but instead on annazed who attacked you out of left field. And I would agree with Ant1st
1) yes I am jealous
2) you don't need to defend any past actions on this post

leroy said...

Heck, I'd ride a Serotta with Eskimo shifters.

I mean think of the puzzled looks from folks observing "Funny, you don't look Innuish."

Thank you. I'm here til Friday. Try the veal.

Anonymous said...

I was shocked out of a lunchtime reverie with this in the NYTimes style section today: http://www.nytimes.com/slideshow/2008/09/03/fashion/20080904-CODES_4.html
Heres a model wearing 8,657.00 worth of moth-ready cashmere leaning on a borrowed bareknuckle.

With the economy the way it is these days apparently the smart set is beginning to park its cash in an investment grade bicycle rather than contemporary art.

ant1st said...

anon 2:46, that is the most expensive gay hobo look i've ever seen.

not that there's anything wrong with that. I'm just sayin'...

Anonymous said...

IIRC, approx 18 mos. ago, Bicycling profiled a one-off CF bike with all sorts of fancy plating and stuff on the cages, brakes, etc. that cost some lawyer/executive/surgeon $23,000. General response was that it was silly. Now Serotta has a L.E. ride that skirts that same price tag? I only hope the a-holes that will buy these rides put platform pedals on it to complete the picture.

Love, Some Jerk

all you suckers hate my balls said...

Please stop messing with my mental image of Frilly. She has nurtured her online presence here for many months, and it is a very nice piece of work. I, too, would like to see some pictures, but there is no point in vandalizing such fine work.

frilly said...

bgw--Thanks, sweetie.

anon 1:15--Don't be jealous, you need me to lay a little frilly on ya?

A--Interesting. annazed was accusing me of becoming a bore. You counter attempts to bump up my credibility as being a bore. Wow, fuck me.

Is the Nashbar group really crap?

ant1st said...

Frilly - Compared to you, yes. But then again, so is the new 11 speed record.

bikesgonewild said...

...leroy...serotta has come out w/ a new especially designed frameset to only be used w/ eskimo/inuit shifters...it's called the nanook & it comes in 14 different shades of white...

...well, enough blubbering about...i'm oughta the igloo & mushing off to work...

Sycophantic Backstabber said...

''Brand new, and already on sale. Nobody knows how to live in the future like Nashbar."

Savoury!

bikesgonewild said...

...whoops...gotta fix that spelling mistake first...

..."oughta" oughta be "outa"...now that's proper spellin'...

leroy said...

But seriously folks --

Does anyone know why Serotta would name a bike after Vinny Vidi-Vici's cousin May?

Commiecanuk said...

Yesa, Frilly, the group is kinda crap. It's made in China using some off-patent technology from Shimano.

Tour Magazin in Germany reviewed it and said it was ok for the price, but not as good as anything from Shimano.

leroy said...

BGW -- I believe the Serotta frameset you describe was developed "to allow one to go where the huskies go."

Frank Zappa cautioned about that.

http://tinyurl.com/ytmx9o

Now please excuse me.

The NYC Century is this weekend and I have to start training. Anybody know a strong kid with a trail-a-bike willing to ride stoker?

This is the year Lawrence Orbach meets his match.

Joe said...

Roadies? Where we're going we don't need Roadies.

frilly said...

Good to know. I've been kinda debating upgrading my componentry vs. just getting a new bike. Haven't really done any homework yet on componentry, guess a trip to the lbs is in order to see if my current pos can even be upgraded. I'd love a new bike but with these prices, oy!

Anonymous said...

"Unfortunately, though, there are only 20 of these limited edition bikes available, which means the competition among dentists is going to be fierce."

I say we make them race. At least 120 km plus a HC climb at the end. Don't give the bikes to (any) finishers regardless of placing. Award bikes to the best excuses and complaints. "No one helped me" would get two bikes.

AH said...

I'm gonna love dropping the guys on $22K bikes on group rides.

It's going to be even sweeter than riding the dudes on Zipp 808s and 1080s into potholes on our shit-ass Indianapolis streets.

I like to think of it as an additional QC test of that thar "carbon bridge" technology...

Lucky 7 said...

Frilly - Sorry, I meant quite the opposite. Not a bore, but sure to become one if you reign in your spirited contributions here to remain "bikes only". Hate to see you and Zed get crossed up, cuz you both keep me laughin. Play on...


A

Anonymous said...

I have always wondered about the people buying stupid expensive bikes. They are a target to be made fun of whereever they go:

a)local bike path decked out in either some god awful fred kit or the pro team kit based on who makes the biek
b)lining up as a 4/5 in the local crit. I don't think I have ever seen a Ferrari at a demolition derby.

I guess the same applies to cars why buy a Ferrari when you can get a Mini and drive "Really fast" around cones in a parking lot?

Anonymous said...

A $22,000 bike better come with a hooker.

Anonymous said...

Hey Ryanfromdeland, did you notice Nike's bike bears a strong resemblance to a "Ghost Bike"??

As another poster likes to say...
-just sayin'

Anonymous said...

Wait, now I'm confused. I thought "Let Levi Ride" thing was a Sarah Palin/RNC slogan...

frilly said...

A, thats so sweet. I wanna kiss & make up too. I'm sorry for being cranky.

Hey, are you coming up for the Tour? I think Saturday we're gonna start bright & early in Hermann with a little (lot) of wine. And with some luck, maybe the opportunity to help a couple of the guys up the hills if needed. Okay, maybe get our hands on some PRO bottom. Oops, I'm regressing. Okay, get our hands on some frame.

Anonymous said...

Serotta and Nashbar in the same post - excellent. Someone buy that Nashbar group and tell us what it's worth. It's priced lower than 105 (there is a 20% coupon right now) and I'd love to have component group that matches my jerseys.

Anonymous said...

The key to bike racing, the Vuelta, Nobr Akes, gap bikes...

*sigh*

I remember when most of BSNYC's allusions were to things besides his own body of work.

Yellow One Gear said...

I don't know what's more pathetic: you guys that sit and wait to "podium" or me for writing a comment to make fun of you.

Frenchy aka Bike Boy said...

Anon 1.57:
"Maby Ben should have asked 7 cycles how there carbon bike is selling???"

Actually Ben and his boys have spent time with the guys at 7 cycles: they opened their doors to a couple of companies out of the Boston area on their carbon fiber manufacturing process.

From what I understand about the 7 carbon bikes are on back order (they are so ugly) but Seven can not make them quick enough...they seem to be pretty silly frames either way due to the weight of Dimas or Luma. Might as well but a Taiwan bike made by some 18-20 year old girl who spends her day wrapping cloth around a piece of rubber.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 5:03pm,

I'd actually like to do that one of these days. If I do I'll post a review. I've already tried their disc brakes.

--BSNYC

knuckles said...

Another fucking boring blog entry. fucking BORING. FUCKING get over yourself. If you are such a great writer you should focus your efforts on getting paid. Comments or not, your blog sucks.

areUpake? said...

since anon 2:11 appears to have dissipated I declare knuckles our new ITOTM

bikewhorder said...

Hey anyone else check out the link above for the Nike Fixie, Its funny they actually call it a "fixed wheel" bike in the description, which begs the question- what was wrong with the wheel? I guess that question will be answered in the soon to be released documentary about the making of the bike, no joke.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Knuckles,

If I'd had any idea before just now how disappointed you've been I would have tried harder. Sorry! Next time, instead of letting it build up inside and then exploding, just talk to me first. If we can learn to communicate I'm sure we can make this relationship work.

Love,

--RTMS

broomie said...

Hmmm, That Serotta isn't really the deal it sounds, since it doesn't come with windtunnel time.

Commiecanuck: that's $35,000 Canadian to you. Since you guys are metric you have to multiply everything by 1.6. Which makes Canadian marathons and centruries really impressive.

knfuckyoules said...

pakes and aerospokes suck dick just like your name

areUpake? said...

and its confirmed, just in time for September

kngofuckyourselfles said...

excuse me, i'm the dick of the year. that beats the shit out of your podium.

bikewhorder said...

You know, I got sick of the podium thing a few weeks after I started reading the blog, but now I've come to embrace it. I actually check the podium results before reading the blog. Five in the first minute today, great job guys! I'm just wondering, is the podium unique to BSNYC?

Anonymous said...

The Inuit are the new Amish - or they will be in about 4 months. Think 6-Days...

leroy said...

Anon 4:38 --

OMG, very funny! I wish I had thought of that.

Knuckles --

Now this is odd. I don't recall anyone named Knuckles at the Algonquin Roundtable. Have you changed your name?

Anonymous said...

"In America, you ride bike. In Soviet Russia, bike rides you!"

Yakov Smirnoff (1985)

Who ould have thought back in Sept 08 that the Rock Racing victory, and the now infamous "podium incident" at the GP of Sochi, would lead to the emergency Palin-Putin summit in Berlin. It was such a simplier time...

Andy Pandy said...

Wot can you expect when you pick your deity by selecting stones under a table cloth. Ben should have rested his nuts on his stone and warmed them up so that they would have been nice and enticing in the hand.
And I think the Pinarello Prince is the new Cervelo, forget the Serotta, boring . It has so many curves that just thinking about it …… Maybe they should call the boring Serotta the DynaMo Humm

Nice Frilly nice, now you get it and no fur gets ruffled

frilly said...

Get what?

Andy Pandy said...

Keeping yourself "nice"and no more hot sweating stuff.Keep the chat about dirty chains and sticking deraileurs and kittens heels

Andy Pandy said...

PS . Did you do a google search and cut and paste or are we seeing the REAL you

shizam said...

Hmm, far as I know, Chris Carmichael has never been a Gentle Lover: http://www.gentlelovers.com/blog/


I've never seen him on a team ride...

Anonymous said...

Dear Snob,
Will you be at Interbike?

Lucky 7 said...

Frilly- Hermann for ToM, wake'n'wine, and PRO, err, frames on Saturday huh? How would I find a frilly in the wild anyway?


A

sprider said...

frills, if that's you, glad you finally put a "stamp" on it!

Look for me at the ToM, I'll be sporting the ToM beanie!

frilly said...

Yes, that is really me. Thought it might be time for a glimpse.

frilly said...

A-if you're in Hermann, I'll be easy to find. Just look for the girl running behind the peleton.

Sprider-I might just have to dig out my Discovery Channel Pro Cycling hat.

Scrooge Mcuck said...

trollop

frilly said...

Oh, Scrooge, just havin' a little fun. Its after 10:00 n'est ce pas?

CrankyCyclist said...

I wonder how many haters I could get to suck my balls for 22K?

If I went to my locally charity ride on a $22,000 bike, would people hate me?

If it wasn't for Nashbar, where would I get a replacement pie plate for my '78 Apollo?

Scrooge Mcuck said...

frilly

Qui...mais vous ĂȘtes un provocateur

Anonymous said...

Anon 4:27, a hooker and blow!

totalchaud said...

Interbike BSNYC party!?

cyclotourist said...

I would like an in depth review of how the Nashbar components work on the Serotta dentist-bike. The best of form and function I say.

Dan Brekke said...

g ... way up there ... you don't say "eat that suckers." You say, "suck my balls."

Screw it. Lanterne Rouge!

Anonymous said...

this post was clearly ANTI-Dentite.

Oh and the whole podium thing makes me wonder how ghey the losers here really are.

Ant100th said...

100th!

leroy said...

101 Dalmations.

Critical Ass said...

***Anon 4:27, a hooker and blow!***

So, Boonen will be on a Serotta very soon?

Joshbar said...

The Nashbar groupset is a rebadged Microshift group.
My unofficial review? "Meh".

Stuggy said...

Frilly, that was you?!?!!!! I just choked on my... Wait I almost hyperventilated... I mean I...

Gulp...

I'm with Lucky 7, desperately seeking a Frilly in the wild...

Robert Carr said...

snob,
just because the pro's are taking a rest day today doesn't mean you can too.... new post!

C.P. said...

Uhhh...this is bad, I think I may have to quit coming here, (takes swig of liqour).

A thought flashes across the booze addled synapses..."I'm finding frilly waaaay more interesting than Snob"....

How does one spread the "pixual" love...

There's only so many pixils and so little time.

c.p.

(aka Internet Troll Whore of the Month)

C.P. said...

Speaking of time. The future is the past, I'm just living toward it....right?

But even though it's the past that doesn't mean it's already happened.

Is time is like a tree, which branch I climb on is determined by each choice?

Snob, I was just coming here to laugh...now I'm all confused...

(takes swig of liquor and mumbles to self something about the present images from stars being 15 billion light in the past)

meh...

Anonymous said...

Getting a bit sloppy with the typing skills there snobby.

Anesha said...

Hi Nice Blog . I don't really know a lot about Human endocrine system or art, but that's just my 2 cents. Really great job though, Krudman! Keep up the good work!

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