Friday, August 29, 2008

Making Ends Meet: Packages and the PistaDex

It's the Friday before a holiday weekend. As such, I feel like I can be somewhat informal with you today, and I hope you don't mind if I let my hair down. (I usually keep it in a tight and sensible bun.) The fact is, times are hard. First of all, I got that ticket yesterday, and between hiring Daniella Levi (who has won millions of dollars for her clients over the years) and the scary mustachioed guy from 1-800-Lawyers (I'm taking the CSC approach by fielding a twin-pronged assault on this ticket) I'm feeling pretty strapped. Second of all, it also turns out my mortgage is one of those exponential ones where the interest rate is multiplied by itself every month. It hardly seems fair to make me pay it since I didn't even know what an exponent was (I just thought it was a marketing term for "excellent"), but Daniella Levi and the mustachioed guy from 1-800-Lawyers tell me I don't have much of a case. Also, I rent my apartment, which makes the whole enterprise seem doubly shady.

So it's a very good thing that Rapha, the J. Peterman of cycling clothing, is taking pity on me and sending me free stuff in the mail. My need for cash is so acute that I was actually down to my last bandana, with no immediate hope of procuring more. So you can imagine my relief when I opened the package and found this elegant schmata:




Elated, I tied that thing around my neck faster than a hiker ties a tourniquet around his buddy's hemorhhaging limb:

(Cravat by Rapha. Shirt by Stevil. Photo by Annie Leibovitz.)

I was so touched by this gift that I burst into tears and proceeded to fill my Rapha cravat with mucus. Thank you, Slate. I will treasure this.

So with times as hard as they are, it's no surprise I've been watching the PistaDex more closely than Cadel Evans watches the wheel in front of him. (There's always a wheel in front of him.) I do own some track stuff and it's crucial for me to know if I should sell and move my cycling-related investments into other areas. At the moment the NYC PistaDex is at 540, with these two offerings:




Reply to: [deleted]
Date: 2008-08-27, 5:45PM EDT

2007 Bianchi Pista Track Bike, 53cm

Excellent condition fixed gear bike. Great for riding around the city, light weight, quick and fast. I've added bullhorn handlebars, and a front Shimano 105 break. It's been stored inside and never ridden in the rain. Perfect bike for someone looking to try out their first fixie.

Asking: $480/obo

BIKE SPECS

Frame: Double-butted chrome-moly frame
Crankset: Sugino RD, 48 teeth
Rear Cog: 1-speed, 16 teeth
Handlebar: Soma Bullhorns
Stem: Bianchi aluminum
Headset: 1" threadless VP
Hubs: Bianchi hi-flange
Rims: Alex AT-400, 32-hole
Tires: 700 x 23c
Stand Over: 30.5"


Here's a link to the Bianchi website:
http://www.bianchiusa.com/07_pista.html

I'm not sure why people are compelled to point out a bike hasn't been ridden in the rain. What do I care? People seem to be under the impression their bikes are made out of Now and Laters or something, and that if they ride them in the rain they'll slowly dissolve. I'm here to tell you that's not the case. Water will not hurt your bicycle. If it did, how would you wash it? The fact that your bicycle may have gotten wet at some point is not going to prevent me from buying it.







bianchi pista 2008 51 cm - $600 (Upper West Side)
Reply to: sale-813206271@craigslist.org [?]
Date: 2008-08-26, 12:14AM EDT

brand new just a week old.




Well that was fast. But I'm confused. Is it brand new or a week old?!?

In any case, the PistaDex may still be fairly high, but when I see someone ditching a week-old ride I get nervous. This could presage a plummet in the PistaDex. More disturbing was this sign:




Campagnolo Record Pista Track 165 Cranks - $250 (Lower East Side)

Reply to: [deleted]
Date: 2008-08-28, 3:01PM EDT

I'm selling a lot of my track stuff so that I can come up with the money for a motorcycle.

These Campy Record Pista Track Cranks are in really good shape. Normal wear. $250.00

DOES NOT COME WITH THE pedals. If you want the pedals, it's an extra $50.00 They are MKS NJS pedals with Black soma double cages & two sets of leather straps.




Here's somebody jumping off the fixed-gear bandwagon in order to jump on the motorcycle one. This would not be noteworthy in and of itself, but it so happens that the reader who forwarded me this ad says that the seller is none other than Kevin. This saddens me deeply, because I'm sure you'll agree that Kevin was a member of not only the cycling family but the family of this blog. It was only about six months ago that he was reluctantly selling his Mavic bars in order to fund a new build. Now he's leaving it all behind.

Frankly, I don't take anybody's leaving cycling lightly. We need all the riders we can get. Kevin, if you're reading this, I implore you to think twice about what you're doing. If you think motorcycling is a bold new world of renegade fashions and high-speed adventure, I'm here to tell you that it's not. Motorists will treat you just as poorly and with as little respect as they treat cyclists--except instead of going 20mph when they turn into your lane without looking you're going 70mph. Also, if you think track stuff is expensive in NYC, just wait until you start shopping for a motorcycle. The only thing more overpriced than NJS is UJM, because cafe racer conversions are the fixed-gear conversions of the motorcycle world. Moving from unwrapped bars to wrapped pipes will only cause you more angst. Yes, Kevin, your sleeves will look awesome on a motorcycle as you stretch to reach your clubman bars, but please, think twice before you leave us. We need you. The PistaDex hangs in the balance!

Fortunately, though, there are still those willing to make a lifetime commitment to the fixed-gear lifestyle, as you can see from this photo, forwarded by a reader:



As pleased as I am to see that there is at least one rider out there who will (ostensibly) never leave us, I will admit I was somewhat perplexed. My understanding of the knuckle tattoo was that the word break should be between the hands. This one, however, requires a Vulcan salute in order to read "No Brakes." Otherwise, it says, "Nobr Akes," who I'm pretty sure is a Greek bouzouki player who opened for Letle Viride a few times. Also, while this rider certainly intends to continue riding brakeless for the rest of his days, this tattoo will preclude him from occasionally riding a bicycle with brakes, because the sight of those paws squeezing a pair of brake levers (even useless ones) would be overwhelmingly ironic. And lastly, once upon a time at least, getting something tattooed on your knuckles was a bold statement. It said, "I'm an outcast and I don't care who knows it because I'll never be a part of polite society." It was a real commitment. Consequently, in the spirit of commitment, wearers of such tattoos would pick one phrase, like "Love/Hate" or something like that. Having two more or less unrelated phrases on the same pair of hands completely obviates that effect. It's like having two women's names on the same arm, each followed by the word forever.

In any case, who cares what I think, as long as he's happy. And he can certainly take solace in the fact that if he ever winds up on the inside he'll already have the Robert DeNiro "Cape Fear" remake look. Best of all, he might even get to fabricate LeMonds:

In an odd twist, an inmate at a federal prison in Williamsburg, South Carolina filed a motion to intervene in the lawsuit in July, alleging that he and other inmates produce bikes for LeMond under the Federal Prison Industry Unicor Program for 12 cents an hour, a violation of minimum wage laws. The inmate also claimed LeMond bicycle are shipped to Iranian troops for training purposes, violating the “Training with Enemy” Act.

12 cents an hour?!? That sounds like pretty good money!

119 comments:

Anonymous said...

no brakes!

streepo said...

podium!!!

tim bulger said...

WTF

Anonymous said...

yeah!!!!

Dtown said...

top 10

Anonymous said...

Yeah, FIFTH ! Thanyou to Entenmann's Training Systems !!!

Anonymous said...

6th!

Anonymous said...

oh well, top ten

AH said...

Yeah, I figured you went to Single Speed World's out in Napa last weekend. The T-Shirt confirms my suspicion.

In fact, El Snobo, is this you?

SW said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

I have BIGP USSY on my knuckles. but no one can figure out what it means. I am in fact referring to my love of prince chunk. what can I say? I'm a lifetime pussy lover. j

Nobr Akes said...

Game Over!

totalchaud said...

im fof'vd again!

Critical Ass said...

The week-old Pista was probably bought with one of those bike shop "90 days same as cash" credit cards that convert to 24% after 90 days. The seller has no intention of paying it off.

The Pista will be converted into $500-$600 worth of weed by this afternoon.

anon 2:11 said...

Umm, water can hurt your bike if it stays wet. More common knowledge ignored for the sake of a joke. I wash my bike by drying it afterwards. If you stored your frames in bathtubs of standing water they would suffer for it. Water is corrosive.

It's a week old. It's like making fun of someone for asking, "What time is it now?"

"You mean now or when you asked me?" Richard.

19711007 said...

Yes, it's true, the pista-riding lemmings are hopping to the next scene, which is MOTORCYCLES, specifically, CAFE style motorcycles.

They snoop around on the moto forums asking stupid questions about clubman bars and how to hammer knee dents into their CB360 fuel tanks.

check out This Site

God damn the lot of them!!!!!

ice cube said...

The guy has "GAME OVER" and "NOBR AKES"? What is the protocol on multiple hand phrases??

Anonymous said...

Note to self:

When posting Pista on Craigslist, state "Not stored in bathtubs of standing water."

Also I think there's room for a third tattoo between the other ones, which is perhaps what the guy has planned. I suggest "freewheel" which will make a nice set. "freewheel" has too many letters, of course, but I think "freewhee" will do just fine.

Anonymous said...

I knew LeMond was dirty. Shame on him.

Anonymous said...

Anon 2:11, I wash my balls by drying them afterwards.

mr.complaint said...

I think fixie motor bikes are a good idea. And you could still wear your silk scarf, your Rapha hoodie and all the tatoos.

Hopefully you clipped off the "dry clean only" tag.

Rain or a bath would water down your ironic Orange Julius Bike. Zapping it of all it's strength..

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anon 2:11,

Just bounce the thing up and down for a few seconds to shake the water off and be done with it. (Anonymous 12:41pm, if you choose to apply this technique as well you do so at your own risk.)

--RTMS

Frenchy aka Bike Boy said...

I think the Bike Snob went to the SSWC as well...thus the picture of the Mairn headlands. I think in the past Snob has poo-poo'ed the single speed: he must be one of those self loathing single speeders.

Andrew said...

keep that scarf outta the rain!

Critical Ass said...

I think I have a diagnosis for Anon 2:11. Now what about KFFM....

Fatty McBastard said...

The lawsuit sounds like the work of one industrious Jonathan Lee Riches. That guy is by far my favorite federal prisoner.

Anonymous said...

Here's my new poem. Like it?

Training with Enemy Act
by Anonymous

In an odd twist an inmate
at a federal prison
in Williamsburg South Carolina
filed a motion

to intervene in the lawsuit in July

alleging that he and other inmates
produce bikes for LeMond
under the Federal Prison Industry Unicor Program
for 12 cents an hour

a violation of minimum wage laws

The inmate also claimed
LeMond bicycle are shipped
to Iranian troops
for training purposes

violating the “Training with Enemy” Act

anon 2:11 said...

Bikesnobnyc,

I'd never thought of that. Or I could race through red lights for the blowdry treatment.

I can't stop, officer, I'm drying off my bike. How else am I going to sell it on CL in a week?

anon 2:11 said...

Criticalass,

I am so honored, I love House.

Anonymous said...

The guy with those tattoos is from around Boston has been riding fixed for less than 6 months.

His bike is equally deplorable and he ran into a messenger at the Toronto NACC's because he's an idiot.

Anonymous said...

NATURAL SELECTION AT WORK

Anonymous said...

e with a line over it

roomservicetaco said...

Are all Rapha products addressed to "Mr." and wrapped in the Gazetta della Sport? Classy.

Carlos from Philly said...

last two images not coming up.

broomie said...

Anon 1:17 = Dick

bikesgonewild said...

...what broomie said...

Todd said...

This morning the first thing to greet me in my email was a note from Rapha announcing the arrival of their $85 scarf.

I think I'm going to pile up my Rapha jersey's vomit on them and then set them afire.

Even the Fonz would say an $85 scarf is jumping the shark.

Anonymous said...

agree with Broomie

adam said...

That's a very versatile tattoo, if he changes his mind about brakes then with a simple fingerectomy it could read "no bra" or "no rakes", or even "no raks", 'cause only utility bike dorks ride to the store.

bk jimmy said...

It looks like the No Brakes guy is in a hospital. Hmmm.

Snobby, are you sure you don't mean Diane Arbus?

Anonymous said...

anon 1:17,

natural selection at 65? you dumbass, it sounds like she had a full and exhilarating life (much better than one of scorn).

that was a sweet story though, thanks for sharing.

Bluenoser said...

Holy God Snob,

Do you really have a job anymore? It would take me days to post all that or am I just that slow and dumb?

-B

Joseph said...

@1:17

There's a time for triathlete jokes and a time for human decency and respect

That 65 year old sounded like she could wipe the roads with this 20-something-er.

So STFU.

Norman said...

snarkoverload.com seems to be unregistered. I mean, holy crap, that was a "Wild Ride" as they say in ancient Scotland.

Anonymous said...

Bikesnob -- How do you expect the PistaDex to trade now that pictures of the new '09 Bianchi flat bar Pista have been leaked and are all over the web? I'd like to put in my trades and would benefit from your expert analysis. What's your support level? Your resistance level? What's your forecast for PistaDex at year's end?

Anonymous said...

told you bike snob was a woman

Anonymous said...

dats me with da tats in dat pitur. macdonolds sad it woud be ok ifi got dem.dey aint gona fire me.

manicallday said...

So is the craze really over? That would be so sweet!!! I am going to get so much stuff for cheap. Just in time for Winter.

Anonymous said...

bike snob, when he is asleep in bed with you tonight, change the N to an M and the B to an F. Mo Fakes... get it? rad...

onespeedbiker said...

Gee, I hope he doesn't lose any fingers. NOBRAKES would turn into NO RAKES (that would please to pro-leaf folks);NO BAKES (for the micro biotic folks); OAKS (for the tree loving crowd);or even NAKE, which I found out means to make naked..

Anonymous said...

critical ass, I know people will say I should lighten up and try to rip on me... and they may be right... but I am not sure that Asperger's is a good joke.

... just sayin'

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 12:57pm,

Actually I was going to change it to "Mo Cheeks," my favorite sports name after "Johnny Wockenfuss." Even works well without the Vulcan salute: "Moch Eeks."

--RTMS

BikeSnobNYC said...

...sorry, I meant Anonymous 2:57pm.

Brendan said...

Anon 1:17;

Was that just your own special way of announcing to the world that you're a douchebag?

AnnaZed said...

Anon...1:17 PM

Woah there asshole, not funny.

critical ass said...

Sorry if I ofended anyone with the Asperger post, but I have some doubt as to whether it really exists. Autism definitely exists and is not a joke. My only personal experience with Asperger Syndrome was with a former co-worker, a conniving bitch, who claimed to have it. She just didn't seem to get irony, sarcasm, or really any kind of humor. So we researched it online and she fit a FEW of the characteristics, one of which is outlined in the Wiki article:

**Children with AS appear to have particular weaknesses in areas of nonliteral language that include humor, irony, and teasing. Although individuals with AS usually understand the cognitive basis of humor they seem to lack understanding of the intent of humor to share enjoyment with others.[11] Despite the strong evidence of impaired humor appreciation, there are many anecdotal reports of humor in individuals with AS, which challenge our theories of humor in AS.**

Sorta sounds like our latest troll to me

anon 2:11 said...

http://www.explosm.net/comics/1365/

I hope that happens to you.

HA!

Sorry, my Asspurger must be acting up.

But at least I'm not suffering from an epic burn.

Like you!

Totally burned...

anon 2:11 said...

And let me get this straight, what was you teasing me has become an apology because someone else took offense and didn't see the humor in your post so you have to justify yourself? Ironic, but I guess I can't expect you to grasp that.

You are a pussy.

Sycophantic Backstabber said...

Sports cravat!

Anonymous said...

Diagnosis confirmed.

Joe Goldberg said...

It could also be NOB RAKES, some sort of...nevermind.

bikesgonewild said...

...speaking of 'mo cheeks'...anon 2:11 is fast becoming an 'assburger', if he wasn't already there...

...& critical ass...yer not particularly offensive w/ your reference whereas anon 1:17pm just installed him/herself in the pantheon of 'dipshitedness'...

...that's a made up word, btw...

floyd said...

Either all the world's best framebuilders eventually end up in prison on felony murder charges where fortunately they can continue to persue their craft, or Lemonds are burnt together by former pipe welders prone to violence.

I'm riding my Lemond home very slowly today. No bumps.

stream of nothing said...

great week of entertainment, thanks snob.
anon 1.17, dick.

floyd said...

pursue...couldn't let it go

cornhole said...

why did they yank the plug on a poor lady in shock from a major accident when they know how rewarding christopher reeves life was even after he got injured.

im just a poor stupid country bumbkin, what do i know, but the real tragedy kinda sounds like the family bumped the poor lady off.

just sayin'.

Gnarles Darwin said...

Oh Snobby, you big Loveable Lug. When you are not making me feel bad about doing trackstands, you actually make me smile.

Judi said...

Anon 1:17 - you are a fucking dickhead.

Mark said...

What took you so long to comment, Judi? I was starting to worry about you (yes, I really care)!

Judi said...

Mark, are you stalking me?

Kirk said...

I like the tribute to Mo Cheeks, laughed so hard I almost lost my track stand.

You will pleased to know the bikes available for checkout at the DNC did not come equipped with pie plates!

Bluenoser said...

Now that I read it all over I'm with broomie, bgw... and judi.

-B

Fausto said...

Here are Anon 1:17's knuckles:

|D| |I| |C| |K| |H| |E| |A| |D|
| | | | | | | | | | | | | | | |
\ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ /

b said...

"nobr akes"... brilliant. thanks for the laugh, snob!

dddishman said...

i love how american apparel is the new sponsor of fgg....

Kevin said...

Bikesnob..
Thanks for doing a 2nd writeup on me! The part that you forgot to pay attention to was that I was selling off most of my bike stuff. NOT ALL. I didn't want to dip into my bank account when I could sell off some bike stuff in order to buy a motorcycle.

I wound up keeping one of my bikes, and a good bit of parts.

Anonymous said...

and yes, my SSWC attendance suspicions were also confirmed. Unfortunately, even while I was on the lookout the whole time, my eagle eye missed you. Musta been the whitey tities (snobby bastard!).

Anonymous said...

tighties I mean. If I'm gonna use a made-up word, I might as well spell it right!

knuckles said...

f-u-c-k-y-o-u-t-o-o

Toxteth O'Grady said...

Hmmm. Interesting that Rapha sent you the scarf in the mail...Did they know your address from your last purchase? Grand Tour Gloves (Made with African hair sheep skin?...)

Toxteth O'Grady said...

BTW - it's "Now or Laters" not "Now and Laters" - you know...you can't eat your "Now or Later" and have it too.

Toxteth O'Grady said...

Sorry - i'm an idiot. It is "now and later..."

reverend dick said...

Snob-
Why are you advertising an $85 scarf? Product placement takes away from your credibility.

Dan Pugatch said...

you can love fixed gear bikes and bikes with brakes too.

i race fixed gear brakeless and geared bikes with brakes.

Anonymous said...

That's a good question, just how do companies send you free shit?

Critical Ass said...

This guy wants to trade his whole bike collection for a motorcycle:

http://denver.craigslist.org/bik/820425484.html

Anonymous said...

That''s not what it says.

critical ass said...

Here is the whole text of the ad:

**I have a collection of vintage steel road bikes, fixed gears, 3 speeds, pre-WW II cruisers, ballooners, Campagnolo Nuovo Record, Super Record, Record components, Suntour Superbe, Dura Ace, Super Champion, Brooks, Ideale, Mavic, USA, France, England, Japan, Italy, etc...Numerous frame sizes but most are near 56-57cm. Trade for a good motorcycle with a clean title.
I'd like a Harley, BMW, Honda, Kawasaki, Triumph. Let me know what you have. Thanks for looking.**

Now how did you score on the verbal section of the SAT, Dickhead 9:53?

Pennis the Menace 9:53 a.m. said...

Critica Lass,

It sez "a collection" Not "whole" collection.

Spanks me vurrie mawch

(background muzak: Benny Hill Kazoo song)

Anonymous said...

Check Craigslist Kansas City, the midwest PistaDex is at $600.

Simon N said...

I was watching some season one of Arrested Development last night - now when I think 'no brakes', all I see is Buster.

"I'm FLYING!!!!"

tristan said...

congrats on being so high on google rank

you must suck a lot of dick to think someone cares about you being such an ignorant cunt

Andrew said...

Kevin, you wonder of mankind morphing from Pista to Harley. Note to self , Create HarleyDex register it and sell it and make a killing
And since when did Anon 2.11 gain legitimacy to preach on anything

jessica said...

lol at people getting harsh on snob

ps NAKE'S (for the ladies)

Anonymous said...

http://www.howtoavoidthebummerlife.com/weblog/archives/yurisswcshirt.jpg

Two different people with eerily similar shirts, OR THE SAME PERSON!

you guys decide.

Anonymous said...

it is september where is your new post? this crap is old...

knuckles said...

fuck labor day.

khrist242 said...

peep this. i was so inspired by no brakes mcgee that i had to create.

http://i382.photobucket.com/albums/oo270/khrist242/nobrainstattoo.jpg

mary poppins said...

is it some kooky holiday today then?

ant100th said...

100th!

mander said...

I think that since powers of percentages get smaller an exponential mortgage would actually be pretty sweet, but otherwise that's a pretty spot on post RTMS.

Commiecanuk said...

The advantage of that tattoo is that three fingers can be written over while the rider is in a convalescent hospital to spell A-I-N over E-A-K.

Anonymous said...

Nob Rains!

Tristan Cares said...

when you are not looking Giant Cunt of a man Snob is going to gobble u up with some big ol hairy lips.

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Rob A. said...

Jumping off the über-trendy brake-less fixie to face "real danger" on a motorcycle? HELL YES! (BTW, motorcycles are safer than VELODROME-ONLY BICYCLES on the street). I'm soooo unbelievably sick of no-brake fixie cunts in Portland, it does my heart good to see one more person leave the pretentious "gang" of "bicycle rebels" for the real world of motorcycling (I give Vespa riders more cred than these bitches)... do you wanna die in the ER of complications from slamming into a SUV, or live a long happy life of the motorcycle brethren? Even if you die from colliding into an immovable object at 80 + MPH, this death is less pathetic than the same collision at less than 30 MPH. This is a no-brainer, folks.

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