Thursday, April 27, 2017

I'm typign fixed-gear which is why I cant' backspace to fix the typoes

With all the excitement surrounding Mario Cipollini's impending visit to Brooklyn it's easy to forget there's also a race taking place this weekend.  And it's not just any race, either.  It's the most spectacular fixed-gear bicycle race the world has ever seen.

I'm talking of course about Skinsuits 'n Beards...though you probably know it by its nickname, the "Red Hook Crit:"


(Via here.)

While you millennials out there probably take the Red Hook Crit for granted the same way you take everything for granted (you really should be doing more with the future your elders have stolen from you), the truth is it has changed the face of bike racing forever.  For one thing, it put a big hairy beard on that face.  For another, "crits" used to be small bicycle races that nobody watched:


(Sadly for criterium racing, people waiting to cross the street didn't count as "spectators.")

Whereas fixed-gear bicycles were reserved for a sport called "track racing" that nobody watched:


("Six day racing was once the most popular sport in America" is a thing people say before you punch them in the nose.)

What the Red Hook Crit did was to combine those two things into something that, for some inexplicable reason, people suddenly want to watch:


Yes, it's a total mystery.  I mean, people couldn't possibly be watching the Red Hook Crit for the crashes.  That would imply human beings have some sort of innate bloodlust, and nothing could be further from the truth.


Of course there's a lot more more to it than that.  After all, it's fun to watch people go fast on bikes, which is why bicycle racing was once the most popular sport in America.  [Ducks and narrowly avoids punch in nose.]  Also, between then and now, an organization called USA Cycling did its very best to transform bicycle racing into the most spectator (and participant)-unfriendly sport the world has ever seen, and the Red Hook Crit wisely circumvents that whole operation.  Then there's the zeitgeist, and and the urban fixed-gear trend, and the Brooklyn setting, and blah blah blah and so forth.

Plus, like any sport, fixed-gear criteriums have spawned their own unique personalities, and this year's rider to watch will of course be Jeremy Santucci, who will be played by James Franco when Hollywood makes the story of his life:



Yes, you'll no doubt be elated to learn Santucci will indeed be starting this year:


And so I checked his twitter to see what he's been up to:


After getting lost in those piercing blue eyes for a full 15 minutes I learned that he is indeed training:

A post shared by Bikes & Fa$hion -TUCCi (@jeremysantucci) on


And that he's even been getting out on the road bike--or at least modeling next to it:

A post shared by Bikes & Fa$hion -TUCCi (@jeremysantucci) on


Plus, whereas last year he was still a Cat 5, he finally seems to have made the big (and automatic) leap all the way to the lofty heights of Category 4:


Given all this my money's on him for the win.

Moving on to Kickstarting news, bike shops are having a hard time these days, so here's one that is branching out into leather:



It was my understanding that in Trump's America we'd all be drowning in money, but apparently I'm the only one, go figure.  Anyway, I wish them nothing but the best, which is mostly why I'm sharing this.  And if you're wondering "Why leather?"


The answer is because there's still no better material for transporting your artisanal axe:


I think if you attempted this in New York City the police would shoot you on sight.

Lastly, have you ever wanted to commute on your road bike while wearing dress clothes?  Me neither.  Nevertheless, here's Pedal Plate!




When commuting I sometimes use my city bike, but I prefer riding my road bike. Seeing a beautiful road bike with normal pedals is painful, so I feel forced to take a backpack with extra shoes with me.

Okay, firstly, nobody in the history of bikes has ever referred to a Cannondale as "beautiful:"


Secondly, would someone that into style be using a Biopace crankset with the sticker still on?


By the way, I'm 99% sure those are the inventor's own legs:


Please note that's not meant as a criticism, I think he looks fabulous.

Anyway, in addition to commuting, Pedal Plate is perfect for when you want to go camping with your Fred bike:

On holiday when leaving the camping site going to a town, beach or restaurant, we also would like to go by bike without having to change and take additional shoes along.



Seems to me what they need are new bikes.  They should call Topanga Outpost, who I'm sure would be more than happy to set them up with the perfect camping bike:


I mean it's not like the Pedal Plate is a bad idea or anything, but does the world really need more plastic crap?


Seems to me that if most Kickstarters did business with each other instead of asking the rest of us for money everyone's problems would be solved.

43 comments:

dop said...

scranus

Anonymous said...

Runner up

Anonymous said...

turd

Serial Retrogrouch said...

just out of the running

dnk said...

Extreme unction

1904 Cadardi said...

6th, out of the money, but in the upgrade points!

Anonymous said...

Haven't these pedal plates been around for years?

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Yeah I had some of those plastic platforms years ago for my egg beaters. They worked nice until the nubs that engage the cleat area got buggered up. Then like most plastic into the bin they went.

Il Pirata es Mort said...

Never ax me what pressure I'm running.

N/A said...

If I buy those pedal thingies, do I need to wear high heels shoes with them?


Hone Sweet Hone said...

If you strapped some hatchets sideways to the top of your road pedals then you wouldn't need those plates, and axes on bikes always look sharp too.

McFly said...

I think Cipo would have much more fun attending the Little 500 at the University of Indiana.
What with the drunk college girls floating around, coaster brakes, and the complete lack of pretense.

BLACK KEY BULLS

wle said...

lot of guys in skin tight suits today, mr wild rock machine--just saying----"not that there's anything wrong with that"----

Anonymous said...

Good idea Hone at 2:31. Rocking some pedal hatchets would give you an edge over other riders.

Freddy Murcks said...

I think the popularity of the Red Hook Clit can be explained by one word: alcohol. Give people enough booze and they will rowdily enjoy spectating just about anything. Add in the high likelihood of grisly crashes and bike breaking temper tantrums by banana smuggling male models and you have all the makings of a great sporting event.

Timber and the Swaney River said...

Brooklyn and zeitgeist, slowly I turned, step by step...

Will a cyclist throw an axe, err, excuse me, an artisanal axe at Trump, thereby bringing a torrent of anti cycling Tweeds from the Commander in Bullshit?

Hope Cipo brought an inflatable mattress for lounging on the Gowanus with a PBR in hand. It's all the rage I hear.

Go West Young Man said...

"What with the drunk college girls floating around"

What with the drunk college girls floating around

What with the drunk college girls floating around

What is there not to like?

Dooth said...

I'm the LEATHERMAN...everything else is bullshit.

Madoff Investment Services said...

Those plastic plates have been around forever. They used to be made out of Bake-a-lite.

You don't even have to invent a better mousetrap, just bring same old out in a new color.

But if it hauls you in a hundred grand on the Kick, who am I to wonder about these things.

JLRB said...

If that dude wants to model his pedal plate in high heels that's fine, but he could have shaved his legs first.

I see nothing ugly about normal pedals on a road bike, and while they are not the big cleaty SPD-SL type, She-man-no A530's do pretty much the same thing. Only issue is needing to slightly adjust your seating post to make up the difference in height, if you are a princess-and-the-pea sort. (No Orange-man - I did not say pee on the princess)

leroy said...

Blease ehscuse be if I soun congested.

I was ehsplaining to by dog that "six day racing was once the boast popular sport in Ahmericuh" and bunched be in dah nohs.

Well, it's not like I wasn't warnn.

Woke Up, Got Out of Bed, Dragged a Helmet on my Head said...

First Place at @ 2:01. What ever happened to my regiment leaves at dawn?

This site must be curated by a graphic designer who lives in Brooklyn.

Princess of Pee said...

The Orange Man love it when I pee on his face. I do have to be careful, though. His Orangeness gets upset when the orange bronzer runs into his eyes, so no pee above the nose. That's why pee pee pros such as myself get paid the big bucks.

leroy said...

Dear Mr. BSNYC -

I just saw that my dog offered you half his winnings if you settle a bet between him and me about a Cippolini sighting on the West Side Highway bike path this AM.

I'll double what my dog is offering if you settle the bet in my favor.

He thinks he's so smart, but I'm gonna get rich doing this.

It's just math.

JB said...

Freddy Murcks, you need to add "in Brooklyn." to the end of your last 2 sentences.

my dirty black chain murders out my bike, brah said...

Do you think Santucci wil be riding his own bike (last year his "Mad Max" was undergoing, uh,  a little vacation), or another borrowed bike worthy of a violent shattering on the pavement?

Highly selective sadist said...

I don't have "some sort of innate bloodlust", but i didn't mind watching a bunch of hipsters participating in that painful pile-up....

Just Another Day said...

Cyclist goes complete bonkers and smashes his bike to pieces.

Nation goes completely bonkers smashes democracy to pieces.

Just One of those Coincidences said...

He's in the "Pain Cave" and then there's an ad for "Leather".

Uh, huh.

"Raton Modesto" said...

So all the Kickstarters in their unlimited hell/
Where they buy and they sell/
And sell all their trash to each other/
But they're sick of it all/
And they're bankrupt on selling

HivemindX said...

There seems to be tons of those pedal plate things. I love the ones I have for when I am going to use my road bike but need to get the train. The pedal things (which I can't remember the name of the specific ones I have) mean I can cycle to the train station and to wherever I am staying at the far end in my regular shoes. I guess I could just change shoes in the train station but these things seem more convenient to me.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Get to da choppa!

Campbell fdy said...

That was pretty,pretty funny. But w guys like santucci this stuff kinda writes itself. #paincave

Easy Rider said...

Strap an axe to your bike and it becomes a chopper.

Drock said...

Bio pace with stickers on what the hell is the problem with that? They laugh till I beat them to the top of the hill

Jerk in Oval Chainring Office said...

I have some 42,54t biopace rings for sale. The small one, without sticker is $10, the large with the sticker: bidding starts at $75.

babble on said...

Um, I'm sorry, but you really don't have to clip in OR switch to platform plates to ride a road bike in heels. Just pretend it's a plate, mount, and yer off! It's not as big a surface, but it still works. AND if you're wearing heels with a platform, it's better to connect with the pedal closer to the heel than the ball of the foot, and in that case, it is actually better to have the smaller pedal. Just SAYIN' is all.

BUT if you're a bit CDO (that's OCD in alphabetical order, the way it SHOULD be!) and you really do need... er... prefer to ride with yer pedals and shoes coordinated, why not add cleats to your heels instead? HMMMMM?? Inquiring minds want to know. Yeppers. I'd like to see the kickstarter for an adaptable cleat for heels.

motoed said...

These have been around and look a lot better. You won't even need to adjust the seat height since you won't have the cleat difference.. https://www.flypedals.com/

Tim said...

Am I the only one that becomes absolutely infuriated when I see high heels on a bicycle??!! This isn't the first time I've seen that. Imagine the angle your feet would be at on the upstroke. Shit's ridiculous.

Anonymous said...

yep, it's just you Tim.

Majik said...

High heels and a bike don't go well together - it's an accident waiting to happen.

Pist Off said...

I'd guess you keyboard warriors of the Velominati would be very humbled by Babble in heels on just about any pedal. Mind ya own.

Genies Alan said...

Can I just say what a relief to find someone who actually knows what theyre talking about on the internet. cara mengobati ginjal bengkak