Well mine just did:
That's right, the Layin' King himself, Mario Cipollini, will ooze into town this coming weekend for the Red Hook Crit:@bikesnobnyc Mario Cipollini himself will be in your home town this wknd @redhookcrit. Just sayin'. pic.twitter.com/t1AY3otulP— Jo (@jo_h_bell) April 25, 2017
The Lion King, Mario Cipollini will be in town this weekend for the Red Hook Crit, supporting the top Italian contenders and hanging out at R&A Cycles. He’ll be leading a casual ride at Prospect Park on Friday morning (9:30am GAP) followed by a Q&A at R&A Cycles.We’ll also let him try a few laps on Saturday if he brings a track bike.#redhookcrit #rhcbk10 #critweek #cipo #racycles
Mario Cipollini? In Brooklyn? Riding casually in Prospect Park?
This is like...I don't even know what it's like, and rarely am I at a loss for simile.
All I know is that even post-artisanal 21st century Brooklyn still has its fair share of unctuous characters, all of whom will move up a notch or two on the Class-O-Meter by default this coming weekend:
(When graded on a Cipo curve this is like Muffy, Buffy, Chip and Chaz at the country club...and yes, apparently Hot Chicks With Douchebags still exists, even in our modern post-PC society.)
You can also expect a lot of impromptu "training camps:"
As well as a measurable increase in the borough's population in approximately nine month's time:
("I got a lotta stops to make.")
And, ultimately, a bumper crop of charismatic sprinters on the local race circuit:
(Lucarelli & Castaldi are gonna have to pony up a lot more prime money.)
Of course, in my almost 10 years of semi-professional bike blogging I've had the opportunity to meet some of professional cycling's most intriguing characters. For example, remember Michael Ball?
Well, during Rock Racing's apotheosis he brought he whole devil horn-throwing shitshow to Harlem:
Where I obtained his autograph upon this hat:
Which I in turn presented to my number one fan at the time:
Nevertheless, even I, who have moved in the most rarefied (or sordid, depending on how you look at it) circles of cycling, am deeply intimidated--cowed even--by the prospect of being in the presence of someone who has played such a crucial role in my blog over the years:
("Without me to fall back on you are nothing.")
Indeed, even more daunting is the prospect of schlepping all the way to Brooklyn for a 9:30am rollout.
And then there's the prospect of discovering he's probably just a regular guy who's cannily cultivated an entertaining persona.
All if this is to say it remains to be seen whether or not I'll actually make it, and in the end it will all hinge on whether or not I manage to get the necessary vaccinations in time.
54 comments:
Early bird gets the scranus!
podiating y'all
Mario coming to the Snob's turf. It's like Darth Vader flying by on the Death Star and asking Luke to join the dark side of freddidom to "ride" without restraints and Rapha guilt. "Snob, I am your farther" come claim your rightful place by the hi-vis Carbon throne.
You are being called to be near him.
Slimily awesome! Also top 5!
Jersey Whore
6rd!!! Top tennis it is!
7th without trying? Where is everybody?
you have to go! take pictures.
Remember that time those guys pranked stealing Cippo's bike and almost got their ass kicked? That was funny.
Yeah, don't worry, he's probably never heard of Wildcat Rock Machine.
I bet Leroy's Dog will be there.
Go to him, Wildcat. Go to Cipollini and ride with him. How could you not? Squandering this opportunity would be a damn shame.
Related: How awesomely hilarious would it be if loved your blog and enjoyed the role he plays around here?
Hot dam, don't miss it snobby!
Necessary vaccinations!
Mario made the trip to America just to confront you about all the jokes you made at his expense.(It's a little known fact that he was born in Minnesota, and still has one of those "Fargo" type accents.....The Italian accent is fake)
Grump @ 10:03,
You have scored! +1!
WRM, you must.
You will forever regret it if you do not ride with Cippo. I missed a Butthole Surfers and fIREHOSE concert 25 years ago and still kick myself.
They were all in love with dying they were drinkin' from a fountian
That was pouring like an avalance coming down the mountian
^^Steely Danzig has a valid point there.
You know how you were talking about doing what no one else wants to do because then you'll have a great chance of being number one at it?
"Call to Unction":
Sounds like a great title for a biekcycle racing specific harlequin romance novel series... just saying.
Hope he doesn't go for a swim in the Gowanus, the sludge factor is high enough as is.
Maybe Leroy's Dog will turn raise a leg up on his leg.
Then again maybe he'll bring his women's team with him.
What Steely Danzig said.
Local law firm is bringing Cipo to town to testify in a paternity suit. Is that what his is all about?
Surely he's on our No Fly List, I seem to remember some Italian Court ordering him to wear a Chastity Belt at all times.
Well this is odd. My dog suggested we rent Citibikes for a group ride in Prospect Park Friday morning. Wonder what that's about.
Methinks 'The Loin King' is a better handle.
Cipo in Brooklyn is like: Ann Coulter in Berkeley....., no, it is not nearly that bad of an idea, and Coulter is probably not going, maybe later..... You're right that simile is a hard one...Jeter buying the Marlins???
Vaccinations may not help but ensure you have an appropriate supply of Degreaser.
I lived near R & A back in the day (80's-90's) and went in their a few times. Never liked the service. I was a bike commuter riding shit bikes and got the shit treatment from the staff. I hope they have changed their tune in recent years.
No, don't do it! Just like it is always said that you should never meet your hero, I expect it is also true about meeting your anti-hero. What if he DOES turn out to be a nice guy and (gasp) what if you become friends? No, no, the risk is too high!
I imagine the shelves of the family planning sections of multiple Duane Reades will stripped bare. For my part, I'd take Plan B if he so much as looked at my saddle. I won't be going to the Red Hook Crit as watching people ride bikes sounds awful to me, but I'll be sure to set aside some money in case it's one of their off years and there's a lot of injury-related GoFundMes.
My guess is that Cipo won't have the time of day for a middle aged male, but you can watch him operate.
I think Fred Fredriksen is right, but I think Cipo wouldn't bother to look at faces, so if you stuffed some melons down your jersey you could talk to him for a while before he'd know the difference.
@Roger Kummert 12 PM,
I've had similar experiences at R&A. I'm a bike commuter riding a Surly, not a Fred on a carbon fiber. Such fucking attitude. The staff seemed to actually have contempt for anyone not wearing a spandex suit plastered with logos & riding a multi-thousand-dollar bike.
I wonder if they've changed their tune too. I haven't been in there in more than 10 years. Thankfully there are plenty of other bike shops around now, it's easy to avoid that place.
The yellow staining around the top of Cipo's jersey confirms everything you've said about his oiliness.
Ask him if there are any houses to rent in Tuscany.
"Ci Ci...Tuscana...."
In my experience people attracted to bike racing tend towards being loner nerds who are turned off by team sports, so I am going to guess 'regular guy who's cannily cultivated an entertaining persona.' Which is not to discount how entertaining it has been, how canny Cipo is, or how much fun he realized he could have once people started thinking he was cool.
"...nine months later there's a child with a full mane of hair and a set of teeth like a whale's baleen."
I read that 5 years ago, and I read it again today. Still fresh as a.... well, you're the master of similes, I'll leave this one to you.
If you meet Cipo you must air kiss each other, please!
YOU MUST GO TO HIM, Snob.
You must speak to the Great One. Ask him about all the doping he did and how it's working out now.
Do not bring the mother of your 17 children. There will be 18...
Well, the Red Hook Crit people don't think Mario's all that. They won't even lend him a track bike to try a few laps.
Did you get the Michael Ball pic from hotchickswithdouchebags.com too?
Michael Ball's Wikipedia page is hilariously short. Even though pretty much everybody in cycling thinks he is an epic douche nozzle that sponsored a doping clusterfuck in the guise of cycling team, cycling people may be the only people that still remember that punched up little cunt.
RK at noon..
Twenty years ago I went into R & A twice...once with the intention of buying a DeRosa, and then a week later to pick up the Casati I bought instead. They couldn't have been nicer & the advice they gave me was all good. (I would have been better off if I followed it)
Holy crap today's comment section is GOLD, GOLD I say!
Go meet him - and maybe meet the guy who smashed his friend's bike as a bonus
NORE GRET
Why dosen't anyone talk about Donald Trump anymore? He is kicking Canada's ass on softwood lumber and is going to milk them dry on... well, milk.
Maybe you could just happen to be in Prospect Park Friday morning, ride up behind Cipo and shout HOLD YOUR LINE!
Okay, maybe not, but it's fun to imagine.
For all we know, he might be the one kicking himself for not getting his vaccinations in time to join your pre-granfondon't ride.
Everyone is talking about the first Hundred days… Of the new bike forecast
Snob, give him a BSNYC cap — and autograph it for him!
Come for the posts, stay for the comments....
The Exxon Valdez will be coming aground in Brooklyn. Can life get any stranger, like maybe Donald Trump will be elected President.
vsk said ...
It's supposed to be dry outside, Cipo's coming,... and coming to make the Red Hook course slick again. Wha no Olio? No, estimado Cipo, en Espanol it's aceite de olivos aroun heeeya!
Agent Orange, I voted for isolationism and all I got was this lousy war. Any mention of the current pres will get you beat down by the supposed peacenicks.
vsk
"supporting top Italian contenders"
Someone actually pays for the Milan riders to go from Italy to Red Hook?
ESPN was going to broadcast it, but they just announced big cuts and Cipo and Red Hook got the axe. Instead their going to replay highlights from National Geo's Shark Week.
I loved the article by Andrew Hood over at Velo News - http://www.velonews.com/2017/04/commentary/opinion-six-reasons-we-should-trust-valverde_436574 - it really changed my mind about whether Valverde might be cheating to win bicycle races.
We should believe that all of Valverde's wins are legitimate because he already served a doping ban, decreasing wear and tear on his body; Joop Zoetemelk (who never tested positive for doping) won a World Championship at 38; if he doped, it would be bad for his reputation; he doesn't win all year long, just in spring, and then does really well in grand tours (all three of them last season, in fact); he is tested more than almost every athlete in the world; there have been no major doping scandals involving a major rider or team in nearly a decade (Obviously, minus the Armstrong thing. And the Dutch thing that conveniently stopped happening right at the time where the statute of limitations could have stripped someone's accomplishments. And Astana. And Zakarin. But besides those isolated incidents, nothing); and he's winning by small margins against another successful 30-something named Contador (who we all know never used any illegal substances and has never turned in a suspicious performance). I'm sold, he must be clean and we should stop looking for dirt because it's totally normal for a guy who's 37 years old to beat 20-somethings at the peak of their physical conditioning.
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