Wasn't it exciting when what's-his-name made the race-winning move on the Muur de Whogivesafuck? And how about that ZZZzzzzzzzzzz? (Sorry, dozed off for a bit.) And all the live-tweeting from people watching the race on their computers was so amusing and insightful!
Not only that, but Peter Sagan did a wheelie!
It just doesn't get any more exciting than bicycle racing, because now that soccer has finally become mainstream in this country it's the only sport Americans have left to be pretentious about:The crash of Peter Sagan, Greg van Avermaet & Olivier Naesen on the Oude Kwaremont. pic.twitter.com/zUb6BSqKqe— Bas Tietema (@BasTietema) April 2, 2017
(Nearly 10 riders flock to the Rapha Cycle Club to pretend to watch a bike race and practice their guttural pronunciation.)
Speaking of Americans at Flanders, they had an impressive showing this year, with one rider almost within sight of the top 100:
107 Kiel Reijnen (USA) Trek-Segafredo
121 Tyler Farrar (USA) Dimension Data
DNF Taylor Phinney (USA) Cannondale-Drapac
And oh yeah, there was that one other American rider who made history by winning the women's race:
Which was front page news in the American media:
Assuming you zoomed way out on your browser:
Now that Coryn Rivera is officially America's best professional cyclist by a pretty huge margin, you can expect an in-depth feature about that hot young prospect Taylor Phinney any day now.
Moving on to Kickstarter news, the world's most and least bike-friendly nations have met in the middle with two uniquely ridiculous bicycles.
From the Netherlands comes this crabon crotch wedge that accepts absolutely none of your cycling accessories and that looks like it should fold but doesn't:
Yes, it's the do-anything bike that doesn't do anything well:
Having mastered both competitive cycling and city cycling, it would appear the Dutch have decided to marry the least useful aspects of both with this rolling boomerang.
And speaking of boomerangs, here comes Australia with the most quintessentially Australian bike you've ever seen:
Not everyone has the baseline fitness required to get on a bike and ride 50-150km a day. With the Stealth P-7, riders can work hard when they want to, and cruise when they need to. You no longer need to be a finely tuned athlete to cover serious miles. Those who need to ease their way back into a regular exercise regime will have the opportunity to get their heart rate up without running out of steam half way through the trip. We just gave you one less excuse to take the car to work.
Here's a crazy idea: if you don't have the fitness to ride 150km in a day, why ride 150km in a day? Just ride a regular goddamn bike until you're tired and don't worry about how fucking far you went. Yeah, I know, wishful thinking. Why do that when you can conquer the trails in the morning and then Cat 6 the shit out of everybody in the afternoon?
Having been to Melbourne I recognized it immediately. If you've never been, it's like pretty much every other intermediate-level city, though it does have the distinction of having the World's Narrowest Bike Lanes:
Hmmm, given the constant threat of pedal strike Melbournians face maybe motorized bikes aren't a bad idea.
Lastly, you'll be pleased to know that the fashion industry has singlehandedly revolutionized cycling:
Mr. Jastrzebski said: “Nobody has arms exactly the same length. It’s not just the handlebars that are affected, the whole ensemble is changed.”
The measurements are used to make a digital model of the client that helps to adjust the bicycle’s dimensions for “comfort and efficiency, the perfect fit and ideal position for its new owner,” he said. “You notice the difference immediately.”
Amazing. This could be big! Just think of the possibilities: frames, stems, handlebars, all in different sizes... Imagine a future when a bike shop could help you put together a bike that fits you perfectly--or, even more amazingly, a person who would build you some sort of "custom" bicycle from scratch.
Nah, it'll never catch on.