Probably, but whatever.
Nevertheless, yesterday I engaged in a bit of urban exploration (which perhaps you'll read about in a future Brooks blog, it's been awhile since my last one), after which I pointed my bicycle northward and scurried along the Hudson:
Keeping the Palisades on my left, the backyards of suburbia on my right, and my Brooks securely under my scranus, I pushed northward upon 32mm Paselas set to the optimal #whatpressuryourunning for the terrain, elevation, and atmospheric conditions:
When suddenly I came upon this arrangement of Osage oranges (I had to look that up), preternaturally stacked around the circumference of this old aqueduct vent:
"No human being would stack Osage oranges like this," I thought to myself, and immediately ascribed it to some supernatural being or folkloric creature:
Or maybe it was Auðumbla, the primeval bovine of Norse mythology:
In case it's not clear what's going on in that painting, here's the description:
While Ymir suckles at the udder of Auðumbla, Búri is licked out of the ice in this 18th-century painting by Nicolai Abildgaard (1790)
Religion's a funny thing, and you've got to wonder why Jesus caught on but Ymir the Norse Bovine-Suckler didn't.
Speaking of bovines, my Brooks saddle's made from one, and it looks especially distinguished with an EH Works saddlebag tethered to it:
(Yes, in an emergency you can suckle your Brooks.)
That's called PRODUCT PLACEMENT, and it's what we semi-professional bloggers do around the holidays. I'd be pretty happy to find an EH Works saddle bag or even a Brooks underneath my Festivus pole, Chrismas rock, or Ice Menorah, and I'm sure you know somebody who would the same, that's all I'm saying:
And this morning's ride was no less "epic," for I loaded up my WorkCycles with one of my spare human children and headed to the local library:
On the way there, we enjoyed a wildlife sighting on Helmet Mime Hill:
As I understand it, skunk are crepuscular, so I assume the fact it was out at mid-morning means either: A) it's rabid; B) it's doing the walk of shame; or C) both.
Regardless, it looked wet and pissed off, so it's a good thing my human child was wearing a helmet:
Anyway, we picked out a book, which my human child struggled to figure out:
(He's wondering why this primitive object doesn't automatically orient itself like the phone.)
But once he did it kept him occupied for the ride home:
Yeah, my kid's reading (well, looking at) a book on a bike. Out-smug THAT, suckers!!!
Meanwhile, Citi Bike was supposed to destroy New York City or something, but now there's citywide demand for it, go figure:
“It is imperative that we turn Citi Bike fully into a public good and a resource for our lowest income communities,” Councilman Ydanis Rodriguez, a Democrat from northern Manhattan, said at a recent City Council hearing on the program’s future.
Citi Bike officials say the system might not extend to all five boroughs unless the city is willing to help pay for it, an idea that the administration of Mayor Bill de Blasio, a Democrat, is considering. For some elected city officials, the arrival of Citi Bike in Jersey City last year was yet another slight for their oft-neglected communities.
Seems to me giving the entire city access to Citi Bikes makes a lot more sense than that goofy streetcar he wants to build. After all, there's clearly a lot of pent-up demand for cycling in New York City, which is liable to explode if they ever manage to pop the cork of imminent death;
Many New Yorkers across different races, incomes and genders are concerned about riding safely on harrowing city streets. Though traffic crashes remain a persistent problem, no Citi Bike riders have died in an accident since the system started in 2013. But overall cyclist deaths in the city are up this year. There were 17 deaths so far in 2016, compared with 14 during the same period last year, city officials said.
Unfortunately when the city does try to liberate New Yorkers from the specter of death a small, vocal minority decries it as a deliberate attempt to inconvenience the poor, unfortunate motorists:
Today’s gridlock is the result of an effort by the Bloomberg and de Blasio administrations over more than a decade of redesigning streets and ramping up police efforts, the sources said.
“The traffic is being engineered,” a former top NYPD official told The Post, explaining a long-term plan that began under Mayor Mike Bloomberg and hasn’t slowed with Mayor de Blasio.
No, today's gridlock is the result of a bunch of fucking morons in leased Hyundais who think driving into Manhattan during rush hour is a good idea.
“The city streets are being engineered to create traffic congestion, to slow traffic down, to favor bikers and pedestrians,” the former official said.
I wish this were true. If the city actually went forward with street design that was punitive to motorists we'd be about a thousand times better off. Tolls on the East River bridges? Speed and red light cameras? Weight-activated tire spikes in the bike lanes? Bring it on, baby!
Green Light includes pedestrian plazas and protected bike lanes that are still being completed under de Blasio, who has further snarled traffic with reduced speed limits, redesigned intersections and aggressive summons-writing as part of his Vision Zero initiative.
I would give anything for a mayor with the balls and/or labia to tell these winy, entitled motorists to shut the fuck up. If you can't figure out when it makes sense to use your car and when it doesn't then you deserve to sit in traffic. Burn in "vehicular hell," suckers!
Still, Manhattan has become a vehicular hell where drivers suffer an average speed of 8.2 mph.
It's true, I miss the days when Manhattan was the first place you'd go to take a Sunday drive.
Among them was Braulio Cefea, who was stuck in a traffic jam on the Manhattan side of the Queens Midtown Tunnel Friday.
“This is a bad idea,” he said of Midtown’s intentional traffic snarls. “Bad, bad idea!”
Yeah, it was a bad idea. Trying to take the Midtown Tunnel on a Friday, is he fucking nuts?!? Too bad there's no other way to get from Manhattan to Queens, apart from numerous subway lines and the Long Island Rail Road.
Troy Johnson, 29, sitting in the same traffic jam, was furious at the insiders’ allegations of an effort by City Hall to clog traffic.
“If it’s true,” he said, “you are going to see some serious road rage!”
Right, because we don't have that already.
These are the same geniuses who go to Black Friday sales and wind up stabbing people.
Meanwhile, London's mayor's spending a shitload of money on cycling:
London’s mayor, Sadiq Khan, has promised to spend £770m on cycling initiatives over the course of his term, saying he wants to make riding a bike the “safe and obvious” transport choice for all Londoners.
Following criticism that Khan has not been as bold as his predecessor, Boris Johnson, in committing to new bike routes, and amid increasing worries about air quality in London, Khan’s office has set out what is described as a hugely ambitious programme to boost cyclist numbers.
Wait, he's being criticized for not doing as much bike stuff as his predecessor? This is exactly the opposite of New York, where our mayor gets criticized for continuing his predecessor's bike projects.
Wish we had that problem.
And there's even good news in New South Wales, where they've scrapped the mandatory ID for cyclists thing:
NSW residents will not be required to carry identification while riding a bike, after another about-turn by the Baird government.
The government had said cyclists could face a $106 fine for failing to carry identification from March.
This "alternative solution struck the right balance between safety and convenience," Mr Gay said.
Good day for cyclists, bad day for greyhounds and sharks:
Dropping the identification requirement is the latest in a string of policy backflips by the Baird government. Others include reversing its ban on greyhound racing, and agreeing to shark nets on the NSW north coast.
I sure hope those greyhounds wear helmets.