Thursday, June 16th: Portland, OR (River City Bicycles!)
Friday, June 17th: Seattle, WA (University Book Store!)
Saturday, June 18th: Walnut Creek, CA (Rivendell!)
This should give you plenty of time to weasel out of that wedding, birthday party, or Bar Mitzvah you foolishly said you'd attend.
Be there or be a geometric shape with four equal sides that meet at right angles.
Secondly, I enjoyed this entertainingly-written story about e-MTBs:
Though obviously I believe strongly that if you're a decent mountain biker you don't need one, and if you're a shitty mountain biker the last thing you need is a motor giving you more rope with which to hang yourself. It's bad enough these hapless mountain Freds have all these bouncy bits and chairlifts and handlebar speakers and cameras so they can film themselves going off the same drop again and again while shouting, "Woo!" like a bunch of sorority sisters. So why empower them even further? Really, the only worse thing I can think of is a motor on a triathlon bike.
Lastly, here's the anatomy of a newspaper article:
1) Establish that the car hit the victim, not the driver:
A 15-year-old boy suffered minor injuries when he was hit by a car while riding his bicycle in Brockton Thursday afternoon, a fire official said.
The boy was struck by the vehicle shortly after 4 p.m. near the intersection of West Elm Street and Morse Avenue, said Brockton Fire Captain Jeff Marchetti.
2) Implicitly congratulate motorist for doing the bare minimum by sticking around:
The driver of the vehicle stopped, Marchetti said. The fire captain did not have any details on the driver, and did not know if the driver was charged in the incident.
3) Declare it an "accident" even though they don't know shit about what happened:
The fire captain did not know the cause of the crash.
Brockton police could not immediately comment on the accident.
Wait a week or two, then season with an op-ed about how roads aren't made for bicycles.
Forget all this #crashnotaccident stuff, I think it should be #oopsienotaccident. If we called them "oopsies" and not "accidents" I think people would begin to understand how inappropriate the word accident is most of the time.
And now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right that's fabulous, and if you're wrong you'll see someone fleeing with a TV.
Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and beware of Mountain Freds.
--Wildcat Rock Machine
1) A cyclist was recently attacked by a deranged knife-wielding assailant in flip-flops in which country?
2) Segway recently drew criticism for marketing their new miniPRO as a "hoverboard for white people."
3) What issue did Lennard Zinn of VeloNews have with the $499 Magura Vyron wireless seatpost?
--When approaching dropoffs he often found himself pushing the button repeatedly because he didn't know if his saddle is up or down, because apparently knowing where your saddle is is a problem that exists now
--The seatpost's remote control has three buttons and is confusing, because apparently confusing seatpost remotes is a problem that exists now
--It does not give him a "warm feeling inside" like his Audi does
--All of the above
4) What's the big hold-up with the Olympic velodrome?
--Health inspectors found Legionnaires' disease in the climate control system
--Nobody knows how to properly lay Siberian wood
--They built it with all right turns instead of all left turns
--Nobody can spend more than fifteen minutes in it without falling asleep because track racing is so boring
5) How does the VanMoof SmartBike ensure you "Arrive dry, every time?"
--It comes with an umbralla you can store inside the oversized top tube
--It comes with a full fairing
--It scans the weather forecast and notifies you via a smartphone app if rain is coming, because apparently people are now too lazy and/or stupid to check the weather themselves before going for a ride
--It features "Integrated Crotch-Cooling Technology" that blows cool air from a vent in the saddle directly onto your scranus or vulvanus
(Like the AARP, but for Freds.)
6) USA Cycling has parted ways with the anti-doping advisor who advised them to legalize doping.
7) Eddy Merckx may be charged by prosecutors for:
--His involvement in a doping ring
--Bribing the police
--Helping Sheikh Nasser bin Hamad Al Khalifa of Bahrain torture a dissident with a rubber hose
***Special "There Are No Wrong Answers"--Themed Bonus Question!***
Which of these two child-portaging systems is more awesome?
circa 1910- double bicycle with a baby carrier...Nothing to keep the baby from rolling out pic.twitter.com/qKlWhXrg4n— History in Moments (@historyinmoment) June 3, 2016
Jaw-dropping: Man spotted riding a bicycle w/ a carrying pole on his shoulder and two kids seesawing in the basketshttps://t.co/8ChGW5UVgD— People's Daily,China (@PDChina) May 30, 2016