Friday, November 20, 2015

BSNYC Friday Fun Quiz And I'm Outta Here, Suckers!

This coming Thursday, November 26th, is American Thanksgiving:


(Religious fanaticism and genocide is fun for the whole family!)

"So what is this having to do with me?," you ask from some socialist utopia that isn't America while a doctor tends to your wounds for free.

Well, what it means is that I'll be sticking my face into a turkey immediately following this post, and I won't be taking it out again until Monday, November 30th, at which point I will resume regular updates.

Yep, I'm taking the week off, and I advise you do the same.


You can thank me later when you're lying on the beach drinking oversized novelty cocktails, or else even later than that when the money runs out and you're destitute.

Meanwhile, if you ride a bike in New York City, you may be surprised to learn that the greatest danger you face is from other cyclists:


Though you're right to be surprised, because it's a load of fucking bullshit.

Apparently the headline refers to a bit of advice the author received from this guy:

For this trip, I went with my friend Joseph Phelan, a progressive media activist who was once a bike messenger in the city. Joseph has the cuffed pants, full sleeve tattoos and skinny tires of a real bike commuter.  He is my biking spirit animal. But the real challenge in the ride came later, when I biked back on my own.

Yeah, I think that's pretty much the opposite of a real bike commuter, especially the "skinny tires" part.

Anyway, in addition to telling the author that cyclists are more dangerous than motorists, he also gives here the world's shittiest cobblestone advice:

Basically from Christopher to 14th, whatever route we were taking seemed 70 percent cobblestone. Joseph said something about standing up, biking with my ass off my seat. 

“You get more control that way and it’s easier on your body,” he explained. I tried it and almost fell over. Again, not a real “bike commuter.”

OH MY GOD NO.

Who the hell is this Joseph Phelan?  Skinny tires?  Standing while riding over cobblestones?!?  Of course she almost fell over!

This guy may hate salmon, but his advice is completely backwards.

He's basically salmoning logistically.

No wonder this city's in such a state, it's the cuffed-panted and tattooed leading the blind out there.

Speaking of the actual greatest danger to cyclists (and pedestrians, and themselves) in New York City, here's what it takes to get in trouble for killing someone with your car here:


UPPER WEST SIDE — The driver who fatally struck a local mother last year on West End Avenue had hit and injured three other pedestrians earlier in the year in separate incidents — including a hit-and-run involving a 13-year-old boy in Queens, authorities said.

Yes, incredibly this idiot was still on the road after already hitting three other people that same year--though apparently the Assistant DA thinks it's reasonable to assume an idiot of this magnitude would stop driving out of a sense of enlightened civic responsibility:

Those crashes "prove that he knows (or should know) that he is a bad driver," according to a trial motion submitted by Assistant Manhattan District Attorney Michael Pasinkoff, who prosecuted Mercado.

.Shouldn't the DMV know this guy's a bad driver and take away his goddamn license?!?

What a fucking disaster.

It's enough to drive you into the woods, though it's dangerous there too.  For example, remember this guy?  You know, the fearless Yonkers deer who practically dared me to get closer to him or else?


Well, I couldn't help thinking of that horse video I wrote about the other day--and specifically about how we're apparently supposed to kiss their giant timid easily-startled asses if we come across them while mountain biking:


("Hallo!  Please, I beseech you to proceed, for you are astride the noble equine, and I am merely a lowly fat biker.")

Well, next it occurred to me that if these horses are so goddamn anxious, and Yonkers deer have nerves of steel and are all like, "You want some of this?  I'll give your ass a twist of Lyme, bike boy," then maybe cross-breeding the two would at least make the horses less skittish:


By the way, I am deeply freaked out by that horse's different-color David Bowie eyes.

See?  One's all like this:


And the other one's all like this:



EVIL!!!

Lastly, the only thing Americans have more contempt for than bikes are the poor people who live under our highway system, which is why the only time bikes are used to represent truth and justice is in news reports like this:



I guess we're supposed to feel vindicated, but I mostly just felt depressed.

And now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz.  As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer.  If you're right you'll whinny and neigh, and if you're wrong you'll see some sweet stunt riding.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and keep your voice down because you don't want to SCARE THE HORSES!!!

See you back here on Monday, November 30th.

Love,


--Wildcat Rock Machine








1) At the opening of London's first bicycle superhighway, mayor Boris Johnson was given:

--A Team Sky Pinarello
--A lesson in how to put on a helme(n)t
--A major award
--The finger





2) Which is not one of the Citi Bike rules?

--Yield to pedestrians
--Stay off the sidewalk
--Obey traffic lights
--Pull off into the wind






3) The Everysight Raptor cyclist smartglasses are marketed by a company that also makes:

--Fighter jet and rotary wing helmet-mounted display systems
--Integrated circuits as well as displays for smart phones and other consumer electronics
--Visual effects on live action films
--Groucho glasses, X-Ray Specs, and other hilarious novelty items






4) This lock solves which nonexistent problem?

--It shortens the process of locking your bike from two seconds to slightly under two seconds
--It requires a fingerprint for some reason
--It works like one of those arcade claw machines, which are never annoying
--All of the above





5) What is the purported advantage of the Proval chainring?

--It simplifies the process of front derailleur adjustment
--It keeps you from dropping your chain
--It prevents your pant leg from getting caught in your drivetrain
--It takes your load better





6) What's the purpose of Mario Cipollini's plunging neckline?

--It eliminates the problem of food and wine stains
--It allows him to remove his shirt at parties without messing up his hair
--Easier breastfeeding
--All of the above






7) Cat 6-ing a subway train is a great way to make a love connection.

--True
--False



***Special "Radball Is For The Children"--Themed Bonus Video!***

295 comments:

1 – 200 of 295   Newer›   Newest»
Happy Unicorn said...

This podio spot is like a pressure relief valve for the more repulsive aspects of my personality, such as trying to rap, bragging, and taunting Ted K.GRAB MY GAT JUMP IN THE SIX FO'PARK IT ON TOP CUZ YA BOT'S TOO SLOW

Jasper said...

Early doors

Anonymous said...

Toid place podiation?

Jasper said...

No bots on me.

clyde said...

Extended podio bitches!

Ted K. said...

82. People who have medium susceptibility to advertising and marketing techniques are able to earn enough money to satisfy their craving for goods and services, but only at the cost of serious effort (putting in overtime, taking a second job, earning promotions, etc.). Thus material acquisition serves their need for the power process. But it does not necessarily follow that their need is fully satisfied. They may have insufficient autonomy in the power process (their work may consist of following orders) and some of their drives may be frustrated (e.g., security, aggression). (We are guilty of oversimplification in paragraphs 80- 82 because we have assumed that the desire for material acquisition is entirely a creation of the advertising and marketing industry. Of course it’s not that simple. [Note 11 posted October 1, 2015]

Danny said...

Happy long Thanksgiving!

herzogone said...

I'm just thankful for an early top ten.

Anonymous said...

miss you already

Anonymous said...

Good morning from the great north woods.

P. Bateman said...

EARLY TURKEYS GET THE GRUBS!!

GET SOME GOBBLE GOBBLE

P. Bateman said...

shouldnt those kids be wearing halmutes? and why is that one kids just hanging from a rope?

looks like a fun game...

amazingly i managed to change my own fking bike tire finally. thank you tire jack. so off for a morning ride. its a chilly 73 out so i'm going to wear a hat.

Anonymous said...

PILG RIMS
GENO CIDE

Mrs. K said...

I missed you Ted.

Sigh.. said...

Depressed. Yep. Look ma. What a good reporter am I. What Fck is going to lock a $2K bike up with dental floss? I guess I underestimate those with money to spare. Better question, "Wasn't the dental floss lock kind of a tip off for a seasoned thief?"

Maybe I should turn to religion.

N/A said...

So, now two bots fighting for "podium" space. Cool. Maybe they can take turns?

dop said...

Harrumph. I like to stand up on the bumpy parts. Getting my butt off the saddle frees me from jolts up my spine with every hit. (besides, I distantly remember something from velonews that said museeuw would ride in a higher gear-lower cadence over the really rough spots in the Paris-Roubaix....when I tried to do that in Westchester, I had to stand to turn the pedals)

Of course, on a fat tire 45 lb citibike, you could just go slower over the cobbles.

Albert E said...

Unthinking respect for authority is the greatest enemy of truth
Unthinking respect for authority is the greatest enemy of truth
Unthinking respect for authority is the greatest enemy of truth
Unthinking respect for authority is the greatest enemy of truth
Unthinking respect for authority is the greatest enemy of truth
Unthinking respect for authority is the greatest enemy of truth
Unthinking respect for authority is the greatest enemy of truth
Unthinking respect for authority is the greatest enemy of truth
Unthinking respect for authority is the greatest enemy of truth
Unthinking respect for authority is the greatest enemy of truth
Unthinking respect for authority is the greatest enemy of truth
Unthinking respect for authority is the greatest enemy of truth

Spokey said...


ok, i'm in

dop said...

Albert E...

Did you ever see the Onion headline, "Woman with Parkinson's Bankrupted by One Click Shopping"?

JLRB said...

A fare-thee-well pre-turkey post.

Let's all be thankful that we are safe from the menace that we are ('though some douche on a fixie running a light did nearly clip me this morning, I'd rather be hit by a fixie-douche than a multi-fucktonne cager)


AND after reading about your deer-horse mad-scientism I came across this on Animal Hybrids

Dorothy Rabinowitz said...

mmmmmm. Fast Unicorn Bot does it for me.

Freddy Murcks said...

A $4700 crabon Fred sled is "affordable". Whatever world Dan Cavallari lives in where $4700 is an affordable price for an off-brand bike, I wish I could live there.

Riyan Cilacap said...

Thank You Verry Much, Ijin nitip gan dan trimaksih atas infonya

Obat Sakit Kelamin De Nature
Pengobatan Kutil Kelamin
Cara Mengobati Kutil Kelamin
Kutil Kelamin
Obat Kutil Kelamin
Obat Condyloma
Obat Jengger Ayam
Obat Sipilis
Obat Gonore
Obat Raja Singa
Obat Kencing Nanah
Obat Chlamydia
Obat Herpes
Obat Herpes Genital
Obat Herpes Kelamin
Obat Herpes Zoster
Obat Herpes Badan
Obat Jengger Ayam
Obat Kutil Kelamin
Obat Kondiloma
Obat Condyloma Accuminata
Obat Jengger Ayam Pria Dan Wanita
Obat Kutil Kelamin Pada Pria Dan Wanita

N/A said...

No, thank YOU verry much, Riyan Cilacap. Why, it was just yesterday I was thinking to myself, "Ijin nitip gan dan trimaksih atas infonya." Your post is quite timely.

N/A said...

By the way, Riyan Cilacap, are you interested in HORS DONG? There's a certain unicorn around here that would like to speak w/ you.

Anonymous said...

Woah, "Radball" really opened my eyes to the benefits of custom "bum bars"

babble on said...

JLRB - I am almost certain that there is a resident Coywolf living and lurking by Lost Lagoon in Stanley Park. Either that or it's a Coydog, but whatever that beast bred with, it's the biggest damned Coycanine I have ever laid eyes on. Um, and Holy fuck!! How can it be that those Ligers and Tigons are actually capable of breeding???? I thought that any hybrid was by nature sterile... it's so very strange the things I learn on this blogular webpage. You never can tell what we'll be talking about next.

dnk said...

Happy Thanksgiving, Snob.

You are my biking spirit animal.

Mike Skinyard said...

Did somebody say horse dong? Because I am definitely looking for a bit of horse dong.

Oh, and I earned a Strava KOM on my way over here. I'm awesome. (nevermind the fact that I created the segment just so I could slay the KOM)

BamaPhred said...

I had a cat that looked almost like the Liger, except it weighed about 17lbs.

Enjoy your off-fucking Snob! Or maybe it's the second gig you had to get to pay for that thanksgiving repast for your 18 children and extended family:) See, putting a smiley face on it makes it all better.

PS I hate those fucko coyotes. But they have made the dog catcher lonelier than the Maytag repairman. You never see a stray pet, not even whacked on the highway. I don't have the heart to tell people putting up lost pet posters that Fluffums was lunch for the beasts.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Nine days til your next post? Do you know how many insufferable CJ "I fucked a ginger" made-up sexual encounter posts we will have to endure in that timeframe?

dop said...

There's an enormous coyote in our neighborhood. I've lost 2 cats since August & my neighbor lost one as well. The night the first cat disappeared, the dog woke up the house at 2am going bananas over whatever was going on outside.

It's am jungle here in faux upstate.

Albert E said...

DOP at 9:40 - No I have not, why?

Have you by chance seen the headline that kittens do not need different food than cats?

grog said...

Hey, let me know if you need any Groucho glasses, X-Ray Specs, or other hilarious novelty items.
FUNQ UIZZ
RIDE NICE
MORE BABE

Little Nanook said...

Watch out where the huskies go, and don't you eat that yellow snow. Sadly, I learned this from experience.

Bryan said...

Have a great Turkey Day! So long, and thanks for all the fish.

I expect to hear some good ride reports when you get back, mister!

BamaPhred said...

Hello Mr dop
The neighbors have an enormous Shepard mix. It and the other one they have bark at everything. I know when the coyotes are near because the dogs go under the deck. Have you noticed that your suburban coyotes don't yip and howl like their more rural counterparts?

JB said...

Fuji an "off brand"? Sadly, it is now... :(

An enormous Shepard mix cowering under the deck from coyotes?

mr spock said...

Albert E...The commentator dop was trying to find humor by relating the repetitive aspects of your post to the "pill-rolling" tremors experienced by people with Parkinson's disease, and the image of repetitive clicking ludicrously exaggerated in the Onion headline. Strange.

BamaPhred said...

The Onion reports local jockeys and horses dancing to "Watch me whip, watch me neigh-neigh"
rimshot

P. Bateman said...

coycanine - he got his snout in the white shit? that's normally how you can spot them.

BamaPhred said...

JB Verily I say unto you, it is terrified. I guess it has been azz whipped one too many times. These things do run in packs, I've seen as many as three and four here. Like a mom and surviving pups, I guess

P. Bateman said...

@ Riyan Cilacap

..."Pada Pria Dan Wanita"

thanks. thats fun to say in a sing song manner. i'm going to use that this weekend to confuse the shit out people when they ask me questions.

q: what's good here at this restaurant?

a: pada pria

Anonymous said...

More "advertising and marketing" code talking/Horse Whispering from Ted K. Now he's just begging for a dirty shack/jail cell Horsecock dongin'.........

DesperatelySeekingDotRabinowtz said...

HORS DONG

Warren Hayes said...

My horse-deer hybrid listens to this when it rides a bike

dop said...

BamaPhred-

Now that you mention it, I rarely hear them, only when a pack is coming out of the state park. (chasing a deer?)

Roille Figners said...

"...a progressive media activist..." = unemployed

"...who was once a bike messenger..." = unemployed so long the govt. no longer counts him as unemployed

"...the cuffed pants, full sleeve tattoos and skinny tires..." = thanks for all the hipster pussy

Spokey said...



dop

please send that coy down here for a night so i can let the cat out

Roille Figners said...

I bet if the Shepherd's "human" were nearby it would show a little more courage. "My pack is here." Though probably if a human is around, that's enough to send the coyotes elsewhere. They ain't messin with no apes, them shits be throwin shit.

Riyan Cilacap = Pootie Tang? Wada taa ma daimie!

Roille Figners said...

Firearms and all sorts of fancy weapons technology aside, everybody just thank Lob for your opposable thumbs and how you can just like, throw stuff. What other creature besides an ape can throw stuff? Let's say you're a hungry Coydoge or Liger or Leotard or whatever the fuck. You're stalking this human, he's waaaay over there. Looks tasty. Uh-oh he saw me. But he can't outrun me, he he he, I'm a fucking Ligerion, I'm gonna-- OWWW!! What the fuck was that flying stick? Well whatever, back to getting lunch, this is weird... OWWW!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!! THIS IS FREAKY SHIT, I'M OUTTA HERE!

-- actual thoughts of Tiiongar

P. Bateman said...

@rollie - sa da tay!

Esteemed Commenter DaddoOne said...

"For this trip, I went with my friend Joseph Phelan, a progressive media activist who was once a bike messenger in the city. Joseph has the cuffed pants, full sleeve tattoos and skinny tires of a real bike commuter. He is my biking spirit animal. But the real challenge in the ride came later, when I biked back on my own."

- this may be the most douche-chill inducing paragraph i have ever read.

Spokey said...


roille

'roos can at least throw a punch. don't know if they are in to throwing shit though.

N/A said...

Squirrels can throw nuts.


BamaPhred said...

Yes there's nothing that woos the ladies quite like beating on your chest, hooting, and poop flinging with your awesome opposable thumbs.

N/A said...

Riyan Cilacap can catch 'em.

Eric the Infrequent said...

The coybeasts here in Denver still yip and howl like normal. They do join the neighborhood canine chorus when sirens start up though.

ChamoisJuice said...

JB,

Fuji's transition to an off brand started with the rise of the yen and fall of the golden era of high quality japanese steel. I can't remember when exactly the brand changed hands and became taiwanese commodity shit, but the Malboro Folding Bike, available only to those who collect 500 or whatever ciggy packs, pretty much was the nail in their coffin to SRS cyclists.

That said, the Fuji Touring Bike is one of my favorite cheap bikes, available at your friendly local bike shop. Retail is $770, but most shops sell it for $700. Full cromoly butted frame, cool old school paint job and vintage graphics, mostly shimano deore parts, this is a no bs, traditional fred bike, bomb proof commuter, solid touring bike. They don't have the branding/marketing/blow smoke up your ass thing nearly as dialed as Surly does, tho.

The Fuji Track Bike is not bad either, tho the wheels are stupid. $450 full pop, street price $400, full butter cro-moly, this is the most affordable "real bike" available in shops.

If Fuji had a product guy who knew what the fuck he was doing, they'd have a cro-mo framed city bike/hybrid, traditional diamond frame and mixte, for like $500-600, and cool vintage 80's style paint job, and they would fucking kill it will that bike.

WIWM,
I actually have been making a concerted effort to curb my whoring around. Have been seeing a righteous cyclist (she doens't own a car) that I actually have a lot of respect for. So won't by sharing any dirty details, and have been trying, so far succesfully, to keep my perv tendencies in check, and taking shit slow. Going on a bike ride/hike/picinic in a few.
HOWEVER, this barista I had a crush on, and would always flirt with when I got coffee everyday, but she always had a boyfriend, contacted me through social media last night.... catch up with for a few, tell a few jokes.... I couldn't help myself
"you still have a boyfriend?"
No sir, we just broke up a little while ago. Just been doing my own thing for now :)
"OIC"
"On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you want to get a beer with me?"
Lol ... I'd grab a beer with ya!
"Woot!"
Hit me up sometime!
"I refuse to be used as a rebound lol. I will touch base with you laters (3 alligator emojis)"
(alligator emoji) that ones a crocodile.
"Oh sit emoji species expert over here. I thought it's a gator."
It's both haha but I was using it back to you as a crocodile..
"In awhile crocodile. Get to cookin', good lookin' :P"
smiley with the hearts for eyes.

GOD FUCKING DAMNIT. I feel like this one is in the bag, and she is a little cutie patootie with a really positive, bubbly attitude, and bubbly butt to match. And I am positive that I would like to tear that up, like a sharp rock tears into a delicate 3.0+ paperweight tire casing. I AM EXTREMELY CONFLICTED

P. Bateman said...

just be sure she aint got that Obat Kutil Kelamin. if she's clean, i say go full cat6inch'er

dop said...

Riyan Cilicap is Norwegian for Ryan Seacrest,

Ted K. said...

2 quick points:

- Bots that constantly ping web sites around the clock may (repeat may) attract the attention of those concerned with web security (i.e. those looking to stop "denial of service attacks", etc.) A quick internet search will return more information on this.

- The United States Penitentiary Administrative Maximum Facility (ADX) in Florence, CO generally allows no interactions between prisoners and almost none between guards and prisoners.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ADX_Florence

http://www.nytimes.com/2015/03/29/magazine/inside-americas-toughest-federal-prison.html?_r=0

leroy said...

Re commuting: My biking spirit animal advises that Sartre rolled the proverbial tire right on the nail head in "No Exit": "Hell is other people."

But I think he's just being cynical.

On this morning's commute by Citibike, we passed HBO filming "Girls" in Greenpoint (it looked like Girls anyway)and CBS filming "Elementary" in Long Island City (the no parking signs said it was "Elementary").

No one noticed a talking dog, which was a drawback when he waved his SAG card and tried to get a walk on part, but a boon when he snagged us baked goods and coffee from the craft service trucks.

Ride thankfully all!

wishiwasmerckx said...

CJ, I met this Cambodian lady who waxes vaginas for a living. In her country, she was a Chemistry Professor. She is impressed with my Sartre collection. Conflicted on whether I should bang her.

Roille Figners said...

No doubt Bateman - CJ make sure she's not the kind of girl my friends back home call "a real Obat Kutil Kelamin Pada Pria Dan Wanita!"

Mark Twain said...

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did so.

Obat Hors Dong said...

Did anyone click on one of the Obat sipilis links? Didn't need whatever that language is to be grossed out

Gibby Haynes said...

And by the way, if you see your mom this weekend, would you be sure and tell her



SATAN!
SATAN!
SATAN!

Bob Patterson said...

Considering all your Cippolini comment, may I suggest you sponsor an effort for you to get the funds necessary for a decent chest hair transplant?

JLRB said...

Roille @ whenever time it was - funny shit about the shit throwing - thanks for the giggles.

Ted K - Are you saying Roille is cheating and will end up in the United States Penitentiary Administrative Maximum Facility (Penal ADX) in Florence, CO?

Buffalo Bill said...

Can I get some samba classics in a 700c23?

JLRB said...

Calling VSK - a.k.a. the guy with the drone - I am thinking of getting my son a drone for a Hanuk-Chris-Kwanz gift - I am a cheap bastard so I don't want to spend mega bucks, but I also do not want the equivalent of one of those shitty remote controlled helicopters that barely fly for a few minutes before flaming out. The reviews I have seen are all over the board - many seem to be bull-shit shills inserting themselves into the comment space.

So, as an actual drone pilot, what do you recommend?

Anonymous said...

Is Road Queen in one of those photographs of the horseeees?

Anonymous said...

Babble@1020: "I thought that any hybrid was by nature sterile..." Not so, even after 100 years of rabid inbreeding there are still Republicans.

Hoghopper said...

Video: Parsons is going to jail for a long time.

Why? Wecause it was a news reporter's bike this time? Haha haha. He's probably already out. And riding a stolen bike. Or chopping one down.

Anonymous said...

"A Week off" When did this nation change to there being 10 days in a week. Did I sleep through the change?

Paul Revere said...

If a horse took a crap in the woods, would anyone notice.

Grump said...

Take the week off??

HA!!

I've taken the last friggin' YEAR off.
Being a Country Gentleman who finally retired has it's perks. (and by retired, I don't mean that I just bought new tires)
Since you're blowing off your work duties next week, I'll have to find something to fill those 10 minutes of reading. (I can only cut my toenails so many times a week)

Have a happy made up Holliday.....(go steal some native American land)

Spokey said...


you cut your own nails?

dang. i found out after retiring that my health insurance would pay for a podiatrist. i make him cut my toe nails. i just can't muster up that much effort to cut my own nails.

in case you haven't found out yet, it's damn hard to get podi points when you're retired and snobbie posts the blog before noon.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

The recumbabe is my biking spirit animal.

Americuh_yeah!! said...

You can thank me later when you're lying on the beach drinking oversized novelty cocktails,

Lay or lie?

And yes, only poor people ride bieks... or weirdos. Patriots drive cars.

Bottle Ready said...


you lie on the beach

but you would lay yourself down on the beach

you would only lay on the beach if recumbabe was with you

Grammar Twat said...

Or if it happened in the past (lying on the beach) you might later say that you lay on the beach or had lain on the beach. Unless you told an untruth on the beach in which case you would have lied on the beach. English is fucked.

Anonymous said...

If a guy named Paul Revere goes out tonight picks up a babe, and post beers they consummate their night, would that be a Midnight Ride?

Happy Unicorn said...

Ted K - shit wigga I can't decide who's more robotic, you or your bot. Why don't you let these people play their little podio game unmolested? Oh well.

Possibly you didn't mean to condescend by using the old "a quick internet search will reveal" but yeah I know what a DDoS attack is. I even know what MITM stands for. Not sure it's a high priority to clean up my bot's footprint though, since I kind of hope we both get caught and shut down. Maybe I'll only screw myself, but what the hey I can dream. But I'll have you know my prior course of action (before writing a bot) was to look into (using a quick internet search) Blogger's policy on reporting abuse etc. Conclusion: it's the blog owner's place to do that.

So yeah it seems those who don't give a shit about getting caught have at least a temporary advantage.

BamaPhred said...

So were is Greg Brady in the Religious Fanatic picture? Rumor has it he was a human sacrifice, and they are all entranced as the spirit animal Tom Turkey rises from the ashes.

1904 Cadardi said...

@Eric the Infrequent
The coyotes around my parts of Denver's sprawl also still howl at the moon, and apparently any other shiny object. The Yorkshire Terrorist at the foot of the bed likes to join in, which sucks more than a little at 3am.

@Ted K. Clearly you are an impostor because the real Ted would know the United States Penitentiary Administrative Maximum Facility (ADX) in Florence, CO is known locally as Supermax.

Coyotes

ChamoisJuice said...

WIWM,

shit dood, it looks like yer out of luck

Cambodia bans foreign men over 50 marrying local women

John Henry said...

I beat that steam drill, and I'll beat those damn bots, too. Even if it kills me. Later, clydes

Anonymous said...

Man called Phuc Dat Bich posts passport to Facebook after being repeatedly banned from site

QBOT said...

PLAY THE GAME, FALL IN BOT

JB said...

1904 Cardardi: my terrier howls with the distant emergency vehicle sirens. If the sirens are close, she just stares at me like, "Well, let's go!"

Carlos Caliente said...

"Well, what it means is that I'll be sticking my face into a turkey immediately following this post, and I won't be taking it out again until Monday, November 30th, at which point I will resume regular updates."

This statement creates the vision of some Snob version of a Turducken, a horse stuffed with a deer stuffed with a Turkey. SnobHorDeerKey?

Greg Brady wasn't in the picture as he was obviously behind the camera. He had designs on performing Obat Condyloma Acuminata with Florence Henderson.

The Squatty Potty commercial at the front of the biek theft news video was better than the story!


Ted K. said...

"@Ted K. Clearly you are an impostor because the real Ted would know the United States Penitentiary Administrative Maximum Facility (ADX) in Florence, CO is known locally as Supermax."

I wouldn't know anything about the locality of Florence, CO or what the locals call anything. I came here over 17 years ago in a windowless van, was driven inside and have not been outside since. I can see the sky through the 4 inch wide window in my cell, but that is all I know locally.

DB said...

It's snowing in northwest Illinois. Winter is coming.

Enjoy your holiday, all.
I give thanks for the laughs I get from all of you. (Well, most of you)

Anonymous said...

bad, bad leroy parsons

JLRB said...

Time to stand in the saddle - I see cobbles approaching ahead of the centurian line

dop said...

Forget Facebook. Meidich Hertz would get punched in the face introducing himself at cocktail parties.

meidich hertz said...

Yah, Dots true. I'd put out my hand to shake and say "Meidich Hertz here"

And I couldn't defend myself, but I got a century

Anonymous said...

okok,

Besides part of the route of the most heavily ridden NYC area road ride, to what question does 9W answer?

Doctor Wagner, do you spell your name with a V?

JFK from the dead said...

That's funny. Ludwig Wittgenstein gave me the same answer.

bad boy of the north said...

dop,which state park?so that I can bypass it,or drop off a couple of neighborhood cats........

bad boy of the north said...

snob,enjoy your time off,again.

ClamDouche said...

Do all the drugs help?

Do all the drugs. Help!

Help do all the drugs.

dop said...

Rockefeller preserve

Dooth said...

Lady reporter from Portland had all the guys around her with boners.

ken e. said...

had a coyote give me the yonkers deer stare-down last winter whilst out for a lap (or three) around UBC. (the area has a big chunk of forest before the university) moments later, i looked back to see the very pregnant mate crossing while dad stood his ground, mid-road. it sound silly, but be careful, a gal on the east coast was killed by two coyotes a while back....

Anonymous said...

I have shits larger than coyotes most wendnesdays.. Taco Tuesday tears me up.

Brunelle said...

No helments! Rad kids all probably dead now

ken e. said...

ok, mostly joking. but if you're a small dog, or treat a coyote like one...

bad boy of the north said...

dop.gotcha!

Coyote said...

Dog gone

P. Bateman said...

meanwhile...in portland

https://www.facebook.com/gaybeards

Spokey said...


hmmmm

must be the newest thing. was doing a sheltering gig overnight and one of the salvation army food guys had a coloured beard just like that.

P. Bateman said...

beard of beads.

bees?

beads.

beeees?

Going home said...

Sitting in the railway station

langdon auger said...

save the earth while you kill yourself
http://www.coloradoan.com/story/news/2015/11/20/csu-study-cyclists-inhale-more-pollution-than-drivers/76114986/

dop said...

I saw a shitibike last night in NYC.

P. Bateman said...

a shitibike?

wait, so we're starting that again? with the pee and the poop?

cause i gotta go real bad.

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh......

P. Bateman said...

i didnt need to go number two, but i did poot a bit when going pee a moment ago.

Elliot Cameltoe said...

Please, Mr Cameltoe is so formal. My friends call me Fuzzy.

babble on said...

You see? I TOLD you it's Shitibank, not Citibank! Specially since their managing director (Vancouver) is open about wanting to run us biekcycle riders off the road. Fucktard.

OHMYGOD is it ever going to get cold HERE next week!! It's a big deal when Vancouver dips below 0c, but this week we're headed for -15!! I can't remember the last time I felt temperatures below -5, but it was definitely when I lived in Alberta, so it's been a few decades now. BRRRRR! Andn I got rid of my mountain bike this year, so I hope it doesn't rain before it dips down low like that, or we'll all be driving and riding on a fucking skating rink for the next week or so.

babble on said...

Oh never mind. It's just a windchill. As much of a woosie as I've become, I can handle that.

Spokey said...


i don't care if it's 'merican or canuck. i ain't ridin in any dang minus temperatures.

and as for -15, either it's cold or if wind chill then that means it's too windy. so i ain't ridin that either. yeah. i'm probably the biggest cold temp (will ride in > 100 though) wuss on this blog.

Spokey said...


oh and double metric century hugs for babs

JLRB said...

Turkey Question: Whattempratureareyourunning

Spokey said...


i do the tofurkey at 350 fartenheight. that's about 175 for you who are following mr centigrade's religion.

babble on said...

Hot. Like Spokey, I like it hot hot hot.

Spokey - What, no kisses???? I also like kissing, y'know. Because mmmmmm :)

And speaking of mmmmmmm, mum and I are on a mission. The eldest boy and his girlfriend want to know how to make a perfect macaron. And since the granny unit is a master chef, she and I are on a quest to determine how to build the perfect macaron before we get together with the kids mid December for a Macaron making afternoon. Any hints, tips or suggestions are welcome. Any of you doods ever built a tasty macaron?

How do you make them all exactly the same size, for example, when you're just pumping the mixture out through a piping bag??

babble on said...

Start it a little hotter (say 375, or even 400) for twenty minutes, before you bring it down to 350, so that you've seared the outside shut and thus trapped the juices in.

babble on said...

Whaaaaat?? You eat tofurkey??? Ewwww. Did you know that tofu is an estrogen mimic? Men can eat a little of it, but honestly, the last thing you need in yer blood is any extra estrogen thrown into the mix. Estrogen is a mind altering drug. Why do you suppose teenaged girls are such a mental mess??

Anonymous said...

"Mind altering drug" and "Why do you suppose teenaged girls are such a mental mess??" Babble rides in for the late win.

Spokey said...


eat it twice a year or so during holiday. and what's wrong with teenage girls? besides i skipped the tofu last time i got thai so i'm due.

i assume you mean the meringue cookies and not the coconut things we have down here? never made them but i assume you're asking about the wafer diameter? i'd guess you're going to use parchment paper anyway? so just grab a cookie cutter and draw circles on the paper to guide you. If you have the right tip, you can probably press the tip on the paper, squeeze the bag with the same pressure every time and let the stuff ooze out until it reaches the circle. with the same pressure on the bag, i'd expect you'd get the same thickness as well when the ooze reaches the circle's edge.

ChamoisJuice said...

This bike is amazing. Even has a crabon pie plate.
http://www.ebay.com/itm/GT-STS-Mountain-Bike-with-NOS-Parts-/161888772835?hash=item25b152a2e3%3Ag%3AcrEAAOSwkZhWSR0s

The "cool" bike nerds are all in Victoria for the SSCXWC. A lot of mustaches in this video
-Roadies suck at handling bikes
-there is at least one girl there

Tried to go to a free show at the symphony with the righteous cyclist, but it got to max cap, just as we were about to get in the door. :/ So, we went to her house to watch netflix and drink. Watched some bullshit documentary on this narcissistic crazy person that pretty much carbon copies Banksy, Obey dooder, and Warhol stuff and sells $1million of the shit to clueless LA people. Then we made out.
I stopped after like 2 minutes, "I don't think we are compatible"
What do you mean?
"Have you ever read the Kama Sutra? It categorizes both men and women, according to the degree of their carnal passion, low, normal, high. And that like should be with like"
I am pretty vanilla.
"I'm kinda a perv. Honestly, I am really bummed because I like you a lot, think you are a cool person, enjoy hanging out with you, and we have really good conversations"
We should be friends.
"OK :)" that's a real life smiley.

Spent the night, anyways, just talking and snugglin' and whatnot. Told her about the illness, and how I make some pretty bizarre sexual decisions. And that I have this growing feeling that I am somehow misogynist and objectifying, in that women I am sexually compatible with, I almost never have too much respect for as a person. Talked about the bosnian as an example of the type of crazy people I involve myself with, and how much her abuser situation is stressing me out. She told me to call the cops. Which I know is the right thing to do.

She asked about my choking "thing", whether I like being choked, too, YES, and how to be safe about it. Welp, it heightens your sensations and oxygen deprivation makes orgasm more intense. It's almost like you need the orgasm to survive, you know?

She had a Torah on her bookshelf, so I asked about it. Both of her folks are jewish, and she had her bat mitzvah in colorado. This gave me opportunity to spit knowledge about mass jew migration from NY to CO during early 20th century that was driven by Tuberculosis, and the idea that dry heat, clean air is good for respiratory ailments. I'm not sure why I find this funny, but I do.

Anyways, we did not schtup. She did seem like she needed release, so I did nosh.
I'm a gentleman, like that.

Later, she said, this is easily in my top 5 weirdest relationships. HAHA, I like her.

Do not feel conflicted at all anymo, about getting a beer with the lil barista.

you must care a lot said...

sharing is caring

Betty Crocker said...

Everything i did i learned on bsnyc

babble on said...

Oh good. Every once in a while isn't going to hurt you. Um, and you haven't noticed how girls all lose their minds when they hit puberty? God knows I sure did... still can't find the damned thing.

And thanks. Yes, the French confection, not the coconut meringue. That seems like as good a method as any, so I'll give it a go.

Roille Figners said...

Hey I'm gonna eat tons/tonnes of tofu then, because then I'll be able to write song lyrics like a teenage girl and get RICH!!!$$!$!. Hey it worked for Maynard J. Keenan.

Happy Unicorn said...

1

Happy Unicorn said...

2

Anonymous said...

How do you set up V breaks?

NHcycler said...

Anon 7:06AM:

What the hell are "V breaks"?!*













I do know what "V brakes" are.

N/A said...

So, since Wildcat is loafing, I'm forced to peruse the rest of the blogosphere, and holy shits, 3 of the regular blogs I read are reporting wrecked rider-writers. Jules at the Surly place, Seth at the Cycling In The South Bay, and Jan Heine.

Has anybody heard from Ms. Babble?

William Carlos Williams said...

Night is a room darkened for lovers

McFly said...

Well I flipped the hardtail lever on the shock and puttered around on the Kona for about 10 miles yesterday in town....2 1/2 weeks removed from a busted arm. It really wasn't too bad. I did have moments of fear and trepidation but I guess that's probably normal. I still say the woods are way safer than the streets.

Robert Frost said...

The woods are lovely dark and deep

Anonymous said...

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Roille Figners said...

Ford Escort

leroy said...

Told my dog I got us a lead on someone to get us good seats for the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.

Imagine my disappointment when he pointed out that's not what Anon. 11:04 AM meant by "Turkey" and "escort."

N/A said...

@ Anonymous 11:04


Istanbul, not Constantinople? Now it's Turkish delight on a moonlit night.

Corneilius Murphy said...

Take a walk in the woods

P. Bateman said...

well i managed to flat the same back tire that i just f#$!ing fixed.

there is this one spot of mixed use path that i utilize that is forever covered in broken glass. guess the woodspeople chill around there and just drop their bottles when they are done.

fortunately only had to walk back about 1/2 a mile and thank the lord i had on my new recessed spd pedlling shoes vs my road shoes.

so guess i'll go ride my skinny tire bike today and just avoid that area.

also, after a weekend of being somewhat stranded as i'm waiting on brake booster gaskets that i didnt know i needed for the cruiser i power watched some netflux.

jessica jones show - lame overly dramatic girl stuff.

master of none - FANTASTIC.

Anonymous said...

Man, wtf.

Spokey said...

master pb

finally cracked the hibiki. i like it. nothing really spectacular though. not sure why your kentooky friend didn't like it. i thought it was more along the bourbon side than scotch. maybe she ended up comparing it that way.

anyway. while it isn't going to become my go-to, i'll probably buy again. in fact, i'll probably get one for 'lil sis if her new hip is cleared for travel by new years and i wander down to her nj home.

Bottle Ready said...

No one is on your side
You've got nowhere to hide
There's no white horse to ride away

P. Bateman said...

oh good. glad you didnt piss away the $60 bucks or so.

yeah, i dont think its the end all and be all of whiskey, but i do like it. and agree, i prefer that it has more a bourbon flavor than the peaty scotch taste.

Spokey said...


oh, to be sure i did piss it away. and will continue to do so

Kidney Stone said...

maybe you won't piss it away

P. Bateman said...

god. i actually did have a scotch induced kidney stone a couple years back.

excruciatingly painful. ungodly. just horrendous. i highly do not recommend. in fact, drink water now.

the dilauded was nice though. i could go for some of that most any day of the week.

82medici said...

re: Anon @ 11/20 - 1:49 pm

It is a metric week

bab boy of the north said...

paid escort

P. Bateman said...

vs...unpaid?

i'd love to find an unpaid one

dop said...

It's nobody's business but the Turks'

1904 Cadardi said...

I'm gonna get all heretical on this turkey cooking thing and say cook it upside down until the last 30 minutes when you flip the bird. Over. Flip the bird over to brown the breast a little, because who doesn't like breasts that are a little browned.

Spokey said...


1904

but then you miss those wonderful tan lines

1904 Cadardi said...

Spokey,

The breasts are nice and juicy upside down. If you would prefer the Dorothy Rabinowitz of turkeys...

BamaPhred said...

I lived down to the stereotype and fried my turkey. And it was delicious, if I do say so myself. And I do.
There's nothing quite like 3 gallons of boiling cooking oil and 20 lbs of flaming propane to get the old adrenaline going.

Roille Figners said...

"Clock boy" is suing for $15 million!

Do you have the time... For a lawsuit?

It's just too hilarious. So many layers. The family, responding in a very American manner indeed. The defenders, some now turned unsympathetic, others admiring the chutzpah. The haters hatin' even harder, or saying he or the dad planned it all along (the dad is a known ballbuster and showboat). The president "hey come on down to the White House" and he moves to Qatar the very next day and now is all "Thanks bitch, but you can welcome me with MONEY now!" Reminds me of Yonkers deer! Most people are like "Huh, they're still talking about this? I thought the 15 minutes were up on that one."

Spokey said...


1904

you just solidified my gobbling of the tofurkey. estrogen be damned. at least the ones i use are non-gmo. i'm not sure you can assure me the same about dorothy r.

P. Bateman said...

i've had tofurkey. if all to the tofu things, its probably one of the better.

that said, i just put in for a rather large order of fresh florida stone crab and oysters for my t-day dinner. and i'm not sharing a fucking bite. and that is what i'm thankful for - all the crab to myself.

wishiwasmerckx said...

This weekend I watched a documentary on PBS about time travel, but for some reason, I kept fast-forwarding it.

wishiwasmerckx said...

...and for the Thanksgiving weekend, I wish each and every one of you...PUSSY ON THE CHAIN WAX!!!

JLRB said...

All right all right all right

You all think you can ease back while Snob is away?

Everyone take a lap - double time

babble on said...

Heh... yep, I know how that goes, flipping round the bits on the handlebars and riding in a sling. Good on ya, McFly. Can't keep a good man down. Specially a McFly man... goodness knows you're renown for getting it up. And after riding one handed it feels great to put both yer mitts on the bike again. Just, what? Three and a half weeks longer before you're operating with both arms again?

Um, and yes, the woods are safer than the roads, for sure, unless you're talking about the woods on the North Shore here. All sorts of folks get lost up there, many never to return again. Then there's the bears, and of course the man eating cougars. Lots of big mountain lions round these parts, too....

wishiwasmerckx said...

Where I live, the cougars in town are much more dangerous than the kind found in the woods.

Pathetic Old Cyclist said...

Babs is a pretty dangerous cougar, Ill bet.

babble on said...

Yep. Look out, all ye woodsmen.

bad boy of the north said...

how'd I do that?

Beavis said said...

huh huh. huh huh. she said woodsmen.

Dooth said...

Get we get some New York comments up in here! Sheesh, somebody get me a bagel.

ken e. said...

i especially feel 'left out', now i know there's decent surf on the east coast. real cougars are just plain scary. i have a true story, but apparently i rode right by and missed it, like a cartoon drumstick (or bagel).

McFly said...

2 1/2 weeks if you're keeping count. A titanium plate is much better than a cast. I get to go see the hot doc today. She is going to inspect my bone and comment on its condition and progress to full growth and hardness.

Butthead said...

Huh huh. Huh huh. Tell her if you rub it, it gets bigger.

dop said...

It's nobody's business but the Turks'.

Anonymous said...

P Bateman @ 1:52 11/23 -

That Dilauded is good stuff! A road bike fall in Sept 2014 put me in the hospital with my left scapula broken in 2 places, six ribs broken in multiple spots, a small lung puncture (but no collapsed lung) and my sacrum broke on both sides. Day 1 they gave me Dilauded as much as I wanted. To me it was like hospital heroin, and just like in the movies, the minute that plunger went in on the IV everything felt great! Then on day 2 they told me I was cut off, no more Dilauded, just Percocet. What a letdown!

PS, the crash was completely accidental, just riding along alone on a road I've ridden thousands of times and hit a bump the wrong way while not paying attention. No criminality was suspected (rightly for a change) and I made a full recovery.

Undercover Yonkers Deer said...

Moo.

P. Bateman said...

i was doing some online shopping for boots and ran across the following. i think this is 101 things that some desperate guy ACTUALLY believes to be true if you can get your outfit ...just right.

you'll be shocked by #49! kidding, no, its not a slide show. but #49 is just adorable.

http://www.gentlemansgazette.com/101-things-that-change-when-you-dress-up/?utm_source=New_CW_2_&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=New_CW_2_

wishiwasmerckx said...

I learned a new sex term from Amy Schumer to accompany the Hot Carl. It is called the Angry Racoon. You punch her in both eyes, then knock over her trash can.

JLRB said...

pass the gravy boat already

babble on said...

That guy's tweed suits look awful on him. I don't think much of his particular style, but Grandma always said that it's best to be overdressed instead of underdressed, and she had a point. She said that when you look better you feel better and thus you perform better, and in my experience she was spot on. After spending a few years in London, I was dismayed to return to Vancouver's underdeveloped sense of style, where fat girls wear yoga pants to work as a matter of course. It's madness. In the UK, a girl wouldn't consider going to work in an unironed shirt, but here most folks don't know what an iron is.

Um, and men who take a bit of time to look great? Hot hot hot.

Heh. The front cover of the Globe and Mail today shows the legs of all of our first ministers, taken yesterday at the first first ministers meeting in many years (blessed be we have a born statesman at the helm), and you can tell who the prime minister is, just from his choice of socks. Heh. No time to give you a link, but if you want to see it, just g**gle Trudeau's socks, go to images, and scroll down a weeee tiny bit.

Anonymous said...

I'm pretty sure Nonplussed Bib Shorts Guy wouldn't be caught dead in that tweed suit. And re #49 on that list, everyone here would ask him to be in their selfie if they saw him!

dop said...

you can't spell Kentucky without ky.

Anonymous said...

Today when I took my 17 lb Bichon Frise out for his morning constitutional there were 2 Bergen County doe deer on my neighbor's lawn. They are closely related to the Yonkers deer as they have no natural predators and therefore no fear. My dog thinks he is a big dog trapped in a small dog's body and wanted to chase them away, although he is on a leash and can't. Well I thought for fun let's just walk a few steps closer to the nearest doe. She didn't move at all, so we took a few more steps, still about 15 feet away, and then she starts picking up one front leg and doing that thing with its hoof on the grass, kind of like a bull vs the matador in a bullfight before the bull charges. Needless to say at that point we retreated and let those deer go about their business.

dop said...

Your head will pop off revealing an unsightly chromium stump when you learn to dress with style.

That's right. I said chromium.

N/A said...

One time I took a 17lb bichon frise, and I needed to go buy new pants.

JLRB said...

"Grandma always said that it's best to be overdressed instead of underdressed"

What would she think of Wreck beach?

gomer pyle said...

Grandma liked to go out dressed in her titties

Anonymous said...

is it that time?

Anonymous said...

could it be?

dop said...

double century?

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