Wednesday, September 9, 2015

I got your Wednesday right here.

Last week I mentioned the OTTO Tuning System, and by golly look what I just got:


(Or you could just turn the barrel adjuster.)

I'll let you know when I've gotten a chance to try it, but I'm telling you right now it's the first day of school here and I'm very busy hand-curating my child a propeller beanie as well as an artisanal slingshot from a piece of reclaimed wood so he can get into some old-timey "Our Gang"-type mischief:


Incredibly this show was still on TV and in regular rotation even when I was a kid (in reruns obviously, or else it would have been a bunch of people in their 60s) and we'd just watch it as though it wasn't a million years old.  Ah, those were the days...they'd feed you a few scraps of children's programming in the morning and the afternoon and you'd gobble it up, even if it was in black and white and the children were dressed like Zelda Fitzgerald.  These Kids Today with their Netting Flicks and their Skating Boards and their EDM will never understand.

Speaking of being old and crotchety, this road bike suspension stem on the Kicking Starter makes me angry Just Because:



Firstly, if you want a smoother ride, here's your answer:

The 28mm size will fit most road bikes, and if you're still not comfortable then you're running too much air pressure.  (You can also throw on some cushier bar tape while you're at it.)

Secondly, I object deeply to the following idea:


"At Redshift Sports, we want every road to feel like the perfect road.

Nonsense!  Every road isn't perfect, so deal with it!  Suspension stems, dropper posts, "decouplers"...you know, not everything needs to move--especially on a road bike.  And what about technique?!? Loosen up your arms for chrissakes!  This notion that you should be completely comfortable all the time and that you can buy a bunch of crap to make that happen is the product of a spoiled generation that didn't grow up watching "Our Gang" reruns.  Just ask Spanky:


Note the wide tires--and no goddamn helme(n)t either.  Just a good old-fashioned beanie.  (Sans propeller, though.)

Speaking of beanies, the Times reports that cycling caps are fashionable again:


For a growing swath of hip men, cycling caps have become the headwear of choice, whether or not they own a bike (to the consternation of many of the sport’s practitioners). That they’ve caught on at all beyond the roadway is surprising. Their beauty lies in their ugliness, the bulldog axiom. Usually made in clashing primary colors with logos splashed across them, they go with nothing and therefore everything.

Really, cycling caps are ugly?  What about that beard?  I can smell it from here.  The writer should watch that guy eat a bowl of soup and then get back to us.

But you don't need a beard to wear a cycling cap, and they also complement the clean-shaven look:


(Laugh if you will, but there's no sport he's not ready to play.)

I suspect it's only a matter of time before cycling jerseys catch on as casual wear as well.  In fact, just yesterday on the subway I saw someone wearing a cycling jersey as a shirt, though I didn't take a photo because you never know when people are going to get stabby on mass transit.

Anyway, for the cyclist's perspective on this phenomenon, the reporter consults Bill Strickland of "Bicycling:"

Mr. Strickland’s views on the cycling cap diverge. One moment he deems it part of the sport’s “classic elegance,” and then he says: “With no question it’s goofy. The brim is small, and it fits funny, but it’s emblematic of being a cyclist. Shaving your legs is a weird thing to do, and it doesn’t give that much benefit. But you take pride in it. ‘I’m a cyclist. This is who I am.’ The cap is the same way.”

It's novel and oddly jarring to read the words of Bill "Run-On" Strickland separated by periods.

And lastly, the writer closes with a caveat:

A word of caution for new wearers: If viewed from the side, the flipped-up brim becomes hard to see, and your bicycle cap can look like a garish yarmulke sponsored by 7-Eleven.

Very true--though garish yarmulkes are themselves very much in fashion:


Graven images?  That shit ain't kosher.

Maybe just as cycling caps are trendy among non-cyclists, yarmulkes are becoming fashionable among gentiles.

Now there's your next Times trend piece:


(Wait, Spanky was Jewish?!?)

Speaking of millennial fashions, a reader tells me a mustachioed "hipster" smashed a car window with his bike lock:


A cycling hipster accused of smashing a car window with a metal bike lock has been arrested after authorities recognized him by the sight of his distinctive moustache.

Ian Hespelt, 39, was caught after bicycle police spotted him riding his bike near McCovey Cove, San Francisco, and his uniquely curled moustache matched that seen in a video of the incident.

"Uniquely curled?"  Really?  There's nothing unique about that mustache.  He looks like every single male in San Francisco--and Brooklyn, and Portland, and Austin, and for that matter any city with more than one bike lane and a Whole Foods.

And lastly, while we're on the subject of violent acts, you've no doubt seen this article about drivers in China who deliberately kill people:



“Double-hit cases” have been around for decades. I first heard of the “hit-to-kill” phenomenon in Taiwan in the mid-1990s when I was working there as an English teacher. A fellow teacher would drive us to classes. After one near-miss of a motorcyclist, he said, “If I hit someone, I’ll hit him again and make sure he’s dead.” Enjoying my shock, he explained that in Taiwan, if you cripple a man, you pay for the injured person’s care for a lifetime. But if you kill the person, you “only have to pay once, like a burial fee.” He insisted he was serious—and that this was common.

It's easy to read something like this and feel better about living here in Canada's perineum, but the truth is that we aren't really that much better.  Sure, in China after a driver hits someone they'll back up and finish the job, but in America they just sit there with a befuddled expression and then explain to the police that they simply confused the gas for the brake, which is still fairly cold-blooded.  Plus, it sounds like in China the drivers still get in some kind of trouble, whereas here the driver gets to go right home and then gets a loaner car from the insurance company.

Most of all, what the article neglects to mention is whether or not the victims were wearing helme(n)ts.

Let's not lose sight of what's really important.

97 comments:

Daniel said...

Podium

babble on said...

Good day!

Ted K. said...

56. Furthermore, change in American frontier society was very rapid and deep. A man might be born and raised in a log cabin, outside the reach of law and order and fed largely on wild meat; and by the time he arrived at old age he might be working at a regular job and living in an ordered community with effective law enforcement. This was a deeper change than that which typically occurs in the life of a modern individual, yet it does not seem to have led to psychological problems. In fact, 19th century American society had an optimistic and self-confident tone, quite unlike that of today’s society. [Note 8 to follow.]

Two Claws said...

Two claws up!

Roille Figners said...

Oh thank goodness!

Anonymous said...

Smells like updawg in here

P. Bateman said...

top ten-o

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Front groupo finish.

Angry, Entitled American said...

Well, it's about fuckin' time. We pay good money for this blog and you think it's okay to get high on your marijuana all morning while we sit around with our dicks in our hands waiting for today's post? Fuck-O, Fuck.

Roille Figners said...

hahaha... "a cycling hipster." Dunno why, but seeing this phrase used in the Daily Mail like it was a thing (such as "plumbing contractor" or "systems analyst") tickles my funny bone. Who was it, George Carlin? Seinfeld? who pointed out how the news always has a two-word summary of a person's whole existence. Sometimes it's routine, like "Vice President Joe Biden" or sometimes it's more of an editorial like "Troubled Actor Robert Downey Jr."

Carlos Caliente said...

Just missed the top ten, Scranus!

Freddy Murcks said...

Snob - You should probably be aware of THIS, if only because it involves bucket loads of stupidity and a silly velocipedes. As one of my erudite friends noted "I read the whole thing waiting for her to address what happens when she has her period, or the flu."

Cranky old man said...

Loved the "Little Rascals."

Today's parents would cover their kids' eyes before letting them watch it.

P. Bateman said...

"there isn't a sport he isn't ready to play" - about spit out my lunch.

after riding my sweet new 38mm tyiers, i concur, they smooth shit out big time.

Spanky riding chubby tires has it right. i also appreciate that Spanky the cyclist gave a big ol' wave hello. i'm going to start doing that. arm way up high to really let people know i mean it.

i used to have a nice bright ass safety yellow campy cycling hat that i miss actually. not sure where that went. quick! to the e'ing bay

grog said...

In this country, the driver keeps going after maiming a cyclist. No witness, no video; it didn't happen. Have a nice day.

N/A said...

haha, Freddy Murcks, I just read that this morning. The fact that they maintain a website did not go by unnoticed. Such unique snowflakes. Fuck-Os.

Dooth said...

I'm a hip man, I'll admit it...they're fleshy and firm and loaded with pleasure, enough to make my swath grow.

Grump said...

I believe that Ian Hespelt was caught because he was riding a high wheeler.

PS. I remember seeing suspension stems in Bike Nashbar catalogs, starting in the late 80's.

ken e. said...

present.

Anonymous said...

Hmmm.... The suspension stem returns, again.

That one looks like it has just a little bit more useful than a Speshulized zertzTM. Nice design though. It's all packed in there.

Way back in the day, I liked mine. But, yeah, 28c tires.

IN YOUR FACE french fry robot defeater!

leroy said...

Explained to my dog that a Zoolander "walk off" isn't what he thinks it is.

He doesn't care and says he's ready for all challengers.

Someone should tell him Hansel is so hot right now.

HivemindX said...

Great to see the cops tracking down someone based on a moustache description. I bet if they had video of a car clipping someone and witnesses who could give them the registration they'd really go to town. Eventually. Maybe. Ok, probably never. It's not like he damaged something important like a car.

P. Bateman said...

the Chinese "double dip" kind of makes sense when it comes to hipsters with outlandish facial hair.

It's the math said...

Death does tend to cap personal injury damages here in the USofA too

DEATH said...

OUR EASTERN OFFICE HAS BEEN VERY BUSY

Anonymous said...

"Death does tend to cap personal injury damages here in the USofA too"

But if you lose a wrongful death suit, you pay for all the wages the deceased would have earned over a working life time, plus pain-and-suffering awards to the deceased's survivors. Not saying this system is right or not but in the USofA you can NOT assume killing is cheaper than maiming.

Just so you know.

Anonymous said...

"Aw gee fellas, I can't go campin'. I gotta stay home and grease Wheezer!"

McFly said...

I installed some FLEXX bars on the 'ol CR250 and I could not really tell much difference but some guys swear by them.

Deadly Fredly said...

Anon @2:16 - Unless you exhume the body and bring it to court, a dead plaintiff is generally worth less than a live, maimed one. An injured plaintiff sitting in court and looking pathetic engenders a lot more sympathy and tends to lead to higher damage awards.

JLRB said...

Why is that "ready to play" duder wearing lipstick?

BamaPhred said...

Okey Doke.

Why is that cap wearing hilpster model dry humping his headset?

I don't think Spanky McFarland was Jewish.

P. Bateman said...

@JLRB - its a balm. helps heal sores from wind, sun and friction. especially friction.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Tom Mulcair for Prime Minister!

N/A said...

Specialized said...

If it hurts, insert your Zertz!

BamaPhred said...

Anon @ 2:16

And don't forget the punitive triple damages.

The only thing drivers here have going for them is the contributory negligence clause.

If ou are riding along, and you get runnedinaadeetch, juries can assume you contributed somehow to your maiming or demise, and reduce, or eliminate, damages altogether. I think this applies to criminal courts also. What do I know, I watched Perry Mason once.

Anonymous said...

GETN OLDR
KIDS GONE
LMPR PNIS
DRYR VGNA

LESS SEXN
MORE BIKN
WITH WIFE

GOOD TIME
JUST SAME

Ready To Play Duder said...

Friction? Why am I wearing it on my lips?

wats7 said...

If they were remake Our Gang today, Spanky and Alfalfa would become TimeOut and Quinoa.

That funny guy said...

Answer your phone

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday Hurricane Betsy

William Thomas Jr said...

""Aw gee fellas, I can't go campin'. I gotta stay home and grease Wheezer!"

"Well, ... why can't we just take Wheezer with us?"

Anonymous said...

"If they were remake Our Gang today, Spanky and Alfalfa would become TimeOut and Quinoa.

Ha! I gets it!

(iffen yo mama catch you, yo sur will gets it..."

P. Bateman said...

@ready to play duder: you wear it on your lips precisely because you are ready to play anything....including Devil's Triple Hexagon.

gonna be a lot of dudes at that party.

trama said...

@Grump 1:52,
Also in those same catalogs were some sweet Masi lugged steel frames. Mine still works.

DUMB STEM

Freddy Murcks said...

I like how the OTTO Tuning System people like to pretend that adjusting your rear derailleur is so freakin' hard. Adjust the limit screws so that the chain doesn't fall off on either end and then adjust the shifting by turning the barrel adjuster the direction you want the chain to go. Counter-clockwise to add tension to shift the chain toward the bigger cogs and clockwise to release tension to shift the chain toward the smaller cogs. It's really not much more complicated that that. Spelling "derailleur" is harder than adjusting one.

Victor Kaminski said...

vsk said ...

I'm sorry, what'd I miss. Is it breakfast time yet?
Sposed to rain soon (I SHOULD fix that damn fender bike!). So that means house work.

Have not even had bike thoughts since vacation began. How Evva, I am not eating real bad so losing weight! Wind has been relentless near the yacht. Not worth the effort last cupla days.
Flying radio controlled things at designated flying fields, but breaking all the rules! I should just fly the damn drone near some windows. That will do it.

Man I'm tired. I should start a drinkin!!

vsk

Anonymous said...

Freddy Murcks,

That's incredible! Money must shoot out of their kerosene heater in the winter.

You'll note the absence of children. Must be nice to have so many choices one can vanish into the past and revisit the present when absolutely necessary, or convenient...

Roille Figners said...

young people * (Ted K - bitterness) = lil' Victorian guys

Roille Figners said...

Which implies that

Victorian
Ted K = ------------ + bitterness
young people

Roille Figners said...

oh god dammit.

can you put a     space?

Roille Figners said...

OK, fixed that for myself:

$nbsp;$nbsp;$nbsp;$nbsp;$nbsp;$nbsp;$nbsp;$nbsp;Victorian
Ted K = ------------ + bitterness
$nbsp;$nbsp;$nbsp;$nbsp;$nbsp;$nbsp;$nbsp;$nbsp;young people

Roille Figners said...

GAAAAR!!!! I AM AN EEEJJITT!!! I WANNA RUN MASEF INNA DEEITCH!!!

        Victorian
Ted K = ------------ + bitterness
        young people

Anonymous said...

50 states, 50th comment. Meaningless, I know.

Roille Figners said...

Hmmm almost.... fucking font-family: Courier if I could

Anonymous said...

Daniel, Babble and Ted K, how's that for a threesome?

Anonymous said...

Best outcome in NYC would be hitting someone and the follow through ending up in a Dunkin Donuts within reach of a basket of jelly donuts.

Tooch said...

They ought to name that company "Fred shift"

P. Bateman said...

@Anon- i think santa would approve of the jelly donuts too.

i just watched the trailer for Krampus, so i'm in the holiday spirit already. it is after labour day after all.

oh wait, he laughed like a bowl full of jelly. not he ate bowls of jelly. guess that changes things. hell, maybe he just sticks his "candy cane" in the boston creams.

Anonymous said...

One more pointless comment isn't going to help here.

Kurt Vonnegut said...

take a flying fuck at a rolling donut ... take a flying fuck at the moon

Pathetic Old Cyclist said...

Did anyone ever get a look at how Darla turned out in her prime? Any useful boobage ar what?

Butch said...

Ms Magillacuddy...hot!

Anonymous said...

The moustachioed Mr Hespelt was apparently caught by police as he was going into a Billy Joel concert. Not so much of a hipster, then...

dop said...

Jesus Christ on croissant. I get some work done & not only do I miss the sprint, I missed Roille flipping out.

Holy Roller said...

I made a grilled cheese sandwich today and miracle of miracles the visage of Jesus appeared on one of the sides, formed from the combination of melted butter and browned bread. Surely this was to become a pilgrimage sight for those seeking cures from physical ailments and possession of demons, but I was sort of hungry, so I ate it. Let's see what tomorrow's breakfast omelette manifests.

Anonymous said...

Bobby said he'd pull out

Bobby stayed in

Mary got pregnant

BamaPhred said...

Victorian Era, riiiight.
Like I'm turning off my A/C and dressing up in all that tweed and wool.

I suppose "select all grass" means both real and artificial.

P. Bateman said...

Ted K is right. you take away the need to worry about very basic needs and suddenly people start doing some weird shit to give their existence some meaning -

dressing like a victorian era douche, racing strava sections, racing comments podiums finishes or putting your dick in boston cream donuts...its all about the same way to pass time i guess.

dop said...

Just 4 more weeks until I dress like a douche in L'Eroica

Mantan Moreland said...

Sheeeit. If this gon be that kind of party I'm a stick my dick in the mashed potatos.

Jumpsuit said...

Has anyone seen Elvis working the night shift at a 7-11 recently, or did he get laid off due to cost cutting measures?

P. Bateman said...

dop - i will say i'm a bit jealous you are riding l'eroica.

thats not so douchey. people dress up for halloween. but when you start cos-playing year round...well, that just cant be good. or maybe it is. fuck it, i wish those two kids the best.

Anonymous said...

Against suspension stems, but in favor of pneumatic tires and "technique"? Someone is being one of those retrogrouches I remember reading about in an excellent book published a few years back...

crosspalms said...

If wider tires and lower pressure don't give you a softer ride, eat more potatoes (warning: don't do this on a crabon bike).

I'd have been here sooner but it's my birthday and I managed to a) have a painter show up to do outside trim, b) haul old paint cans up from the basement so he could see what was needed, c) trim bushes away from basement windows and d) in the process lock myself out of the house. If I'd been wearing a helment, I could have just launched myself through the back door or any window. But no. Luckily we gave our next-door neighbors a spare key, and had they been home my ordeal would have been short. I spent a half-hour weeding till they came home and snickered at me. I'm an idiot.

Thirdly, my wife just took a teaching job in Beijing for a semester, and the first thing she did there was buy a bike. Details? "It's purple." She had debated whether to pack her helmet. I said just buy one there. People there told her "helmet? Nobody wears them here." Not sure if that's China 1, us 0, but it might be. Anyway, here's to her having her priorities in order.

crosspalms said...

Roille,
Which is harder, math or html? I ask this as a total fuck-o at both

Anonymous said...

Lantern rouge...

Ted K. said...

"Daniel, Babble and Ted K, how's that for a threesome?"

Biographers, historians and journalists think I have never been in more than a onesome.

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bad boy of the north said...

uncle George,are you gonna eat me?
grrrr!
I don't think i'll taste too good.mom says i'm spoiled.

bad boy of the north said...

yes,thank you for your authentic suggestions.
I think someone knows borat.

bad boy of the north said...

I think I may be on to something....watch Donald trump's bing bing pongs comments...I think he is riffing off borat.

bad boy of the north said...

even borat's half brother,ali g,interviewed the Donald.hmmmm.....

JLRB said...

I feel as though Angela Navejas invited me to a onesome

N/A said...

Angela Navejas, I was just recently thinking to myself that I do not have a voting booth. Nor do I have any indelible ink. This is just some kind of crazy coincidence. If you are authentic, and I sure hope that you are, I would like to know if you have an authentic suggestion as to who can share these things with me for the betterment of my voting/indelible writing needs.



Fuck-O

Ted K. said...

" ...my voting/indelible writing needs."

Indelible ink is used in many countries to mark peoples' fingers after they vote, to ensure people do not vote more than once. This method in used in India, the world's largest democracy, where more people vote in the national elections that in the US, United Kingdom and Germany combined. Angela N. is clearly optimistic about the future of humankind, and in this way she is the anti Ted K. (And her initials are A/N.)

Donald Trump said...

Me love you longtime, Angela. Me hung like Acorn

Dooth said...

Angela, me and you in an election booth with a nice supply of indelible ink? What do you say?

Sofie said...

Oh good, so glad they tracked down the U-lock guy and arrested him. After all, anyone who hits someone else with their 2,000-POUND-FUCKING-VEHICLE/WEAPON is immediately arrested and prosecuted to maximum extent of the law.

Frickus Rungus said...

Soooo, I grabbed our "spare bike" this morning for my commute. It's a single speed, women's frame cruiser with a coaster brake. Getting ready just involved raising the seat and inflating the tires. Nothing else to do, right? I mean, it has one gear and a coaster brake, what could go wrong?
On my ride back from lunch today, I was turning left on a four lane road, from the center turn lane. I stood up and pedaled hard to cross the two oncoming lanes when there was a brake in traffic. Halfway across the chain skipped off the front and rear cogs. I had enough momentum to get the rest of the way across the intersection, but it took me more than a block to finally stop, which had to be done Fred Flintstone style.
I immediately spoke with my mechanic, who hadn't done any maintenance on this bike in years, and gave him a piece of my mind. He seemed chagrined, but I may have to fire him anyway. I don't know why I put up with him, he's been sleeping with my wife for over 14 years... What a fuck-o.

Shannon Trainer said...

Hey, Bike Snob NYC. You've forgot to mention that this incident with the hipster Ian Hespelt happened during, of all events, a Critical Mass ride. http://bikesnobnyc.blogspot.com/2010/02/backward-circles-fight-for-no-right-to.html

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Anonymous said...

Görmeyeli nasılsınız dostlar, geldi çılgın Escortcunuz Emre KANDE. Bana sorulan binlerce mesaj içerisindeki escort istanbul sorulardan Taksim Escort . Üsküdar-Beşiktaş arası çalışıyor, Kadıköy-Beşiktaş arası çalışmıyor seferler iptal. Metrobüsle Mecidiyeköye geçtim ordan indim barbaros bulvarına, çok yoruldum yinede Avrupa Yakası Escort escort istanbul bayanları araştırıp görüşme sağlıyormuş o zaman bizde abimize yardımcı olalım dedim. Gelelim abimizin sorusuna, Birleşme sırasında alınan zevki artırmak için çiftlerin yapabilecekleri başka şey varmıdır ? Güzel istanbul escort bir konudan bahsetmiş, zevk oranını daha çok artırabilmek Kartal Escort için acaba ne yapmalı. Az bi dk beynimi kendine getireyim, şuan ahmet kaya'dan diyarbakırlıymış adı bahtiyar dinliyorum bağladık psikopata. Tamamdır şimdi geldim. Daha fazla zevk için hmm düşünüyorum o zaman varım. Evet, eşler Beşiktaş Escort cinsel kaslarını denetleyebilirler. Pratik ve eğitim sonucu bu kaslar bilinçli bir tarzda denetlenebilir, böylece kadın, vajinası Bostancı Escort içindeki penisi sıkabilir ve tazyik altında tutabilir. Bu Mecidiyeköy Escort kaslar kasılınca vajinanın ağzı hemen hemen tamamiyle kapanır. Kaslar gevşeyince vajinanın ağzı tekrar açılır. Vajinanın dış kısmını kontrol eden bir başka kas Anadolu Yakası Escort daha vardır ki bu organın asıl fonksiyonu işemenin bittiği an idrar akışını durdurmaktır. Ama buda bir istanbul escort önceki kas gibi vajina ağzı üzerinde bir tazyik icra eder. Basit bir Beylikdüzü Escort idman sonucu her kadın bu kasların denetimini Şişli Escort elde edebilir. Bunun için idrararını tutmaya çalışıyor gibi yapmak gerekir. Günde en az yirmi kere... Böylece idrar yolu kasları üzerinde bir denetim imkanı kazanılmış olur. Cinsel zevkin artması için yararlı olabilecek Kadıköy Escort ikinci grup kaslevator kaslardır. Bu grupta üç çeşit kas vardır. Bunlar biraz yabancı gelebilir sizlere ben yinede yazayım, pubococcygeus, iliococygeus ve puborectalis. Bunlar anüsten ön kısma doğru birine sıkı bir şekilde yaklaşır ve bütün vajina boyunca penisi sıkar. Bu kaslar çok güçlüdür escort istanbul ve doğru kullanıldıkları takdirde cinsel zevkin artmasında büyük rol oynar. Levator grubu kasları geliştirmek için en iyi idman barsakları sıkmak şeklinde

Macros Satu said...

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