Safety First, Common Sense Last

All right fellow cyclists, time to hang it up, because Bob "Oatmeal Nuts" Ryan has the last word on why bikes don't belong on the streets:

Looks like I've got the cyclists upset. 13 cycling fatalities on Boston streets in the last 5 yrs. It's just not safe on streets or hwys.

— Bob Ryan (@GlobeBobRyan) August 12, 2015

Yeah, Bob, we're not yelling at you because we're mad at you; we're only yelling at you to let you know you're making a complete fool of yourself, in the same way we might yell at the forgetful senior who's left the house without putting on his pants.  Honestly we don't care either way. We're just doing all this for your sake because we're nice people.

Anyway, it hardly warrants mentioning that his argument is self-defeating, in that if you're going to use deaths as a metric for what doesn't belong on the roads then cars should be the first thing to go.  But what's also interesting is that back in 2012 Ryan admitted he's washed up and doesn't know shit:

On February 14, 2012, during a podcast with Bill Simmons on Grantland.com, Ryan announced that he would retire after the 2012 Summer Olympics in London. Said Ryan, "I really and truly believe that my time has come and gone; that the dynamics of the business, of what it takes, what it means to be involved in the sports business with all the Tweeting and the blogging and all the stuff, and an audience with a different taste - it's not me anymore. I'm not comfortable." Ryan indicated that he would stay involved with sports in a part-time capacity after retirement, but is not interested in continuing at the pace he does now. Ryan's last day as a Red Sox reporter was July 16, 2012

"The Tweeting and the blogging and the rock music and the kids today with the pants hanging down..."  Yes, the world is a bewildering place, and I'm sure all those bikes whizzing by while he's trying and failing to parallel park only add to his confusion.  Might be time for Ryan log off Twitter once and for all.  Because it's never too late to put on some pants.

Speaking of the safe and dignified mode of transport that is the motor vehicle, a Twitterer informs me that all heck broke loose over a parking space at a Denver Walmart:

(I love it when news stories like this have car ads in front of them.)

DENVER, Colo. (CBS4) – Police in Denver would like the public’s help identifying two people involved in a vehicular assault that started as a fight over a parking spot at a Walmart.

“Especially at Walmart, you shouldn’t be doing stuff like that,” said Walmart shopper Donnie Martinez.

I agree completely.  Is nothing sacred?!?  Schools, funerals, Denver Philharmonic Orchestra performances, sure.  But not at Walmart.

During the fight the female suspect drove an SUV, possibly a Chevy Suburban with custom rims and hit the man. As the victim falls, the other man in a red hat yells at the crowd then jumps into the SUV and speeds away.

Investigators said the victim was taken to the hospital with non-life threatening injuries.

“We believe it was over a parking space. Maybe one space was sticking out too far. Some sort of something. Something unnecessary,” said Denver Police spokeswoman Christine Downs.

Nice.

Anyway, the victim has since been released from the hospital, but no word yet on the condition of the custom rims.

And while we're on the subject of driving, I was recently watching "The French Connection," which of course contains that amazing car chase:



Because we now live in the future I found myself multitasking by reading about the film on my smartphone while watching it, and I was fascinated to learn this:

Though the cast ultimately proved to be one of the film's greatest strengths, Friedkin had problems with casting choices from the start. He was strongly opposed to the choice of Hackman for the lead, and actually first considered Paul Newman (out of the budget range), then Jackie Gleason, Peter Boyle and a New York columnist, Jimmy Breslin, who had never acted before.[Note 3] However, Gleason, at that time, was considered box-office poison by the studio after his film Gigot had flopped several years before, Boyle declined the role after disapproving of the violent theme of the film, and Breslin refused to get behind the wheel of a car, which was required of Popeye's character for an integral car chase scene. 

One less car indeed.  Had Breslin been a driver we would not have had Gene Hackman as "Popeye Doyle."  This alone makes up for all that other crap you read in The Daily News, including Bike Snob Daily News's review of the old Citi Bikes.

Now let's talk about dick breaks:

(Could dick breaks on road bikes finally mean the end of the driveside photo?)

Further to yesterday's post, in which I mentioned them, one reader noted the oft-cited rationale that dick breaks on road bikes are not about sheer stopping power; rather, they're about improved "modulation:"

(Click here for the correct pronunciation.)

Don't buy it.  You're playing right into their hands.

Now I'm not against dick breaks, and there are certainly some good reasons for dick breaks on road bikes.  For example, if you're a professional cyclist, you may occasionally find yourself descending mountain passes in the rain with crabon rims and a borderline T/E ratio, in which dick breaks will certainly perform better.  Or, if you commute in a rainy climate, perhaps you need the more predictable foul-weather braking.

Moreover, I fully acknowledge that dick breaks on road bikes are almost certainly the future, and I'm sure that as a recovering Fred and incorrigible bike dork I will one day own such a bicycle.

But "modulation?"  Come on.  It's exactly all this "marginal gains" nonsense that's always getting us in trouble--like those stupid press-fit bottom brackets, which are supposed to be a teensy bit stiffer than regular bottom brackets, but who cares when they're a giant pain in the ass?  By the way, press-fit bottom brackets sucked 20 years ago, and they still suck today:

I know because I had a Klein with just such a bottom bracket, which I listed on Craigslist and unwittingly sold to "a curator and an archivist of a specific period of mountain-bike innovation that flourished from the early 1980s to the early ’90s."

So I'm not saying there's anything wrong with dick breaks; I'm just saying that "improved modulation" is the equivalent of "increased stiffness"--which is to say it mostly just sounds impressive in catalog copy.

In other words, don't buy the modern equivalent of that Klein.

Also, don't forget: rim brakes are disc brakes with a really big rotor that's been integrated into the wheel for weight savings.  Believe it or not, you can even still use rim brakes to go mountain biking--even thought the very idea has become unthinkable.  In fact, if the trails are so sloppy that you need disc brakes to ride it, then you probably shouldn't even be on the trail in the first place--but nobody wants to acknowledge that, because if your mountain bike is not equipped to ride through a mudslide during a snowstorm you're now considered some kind of "woosie."

Ah, bikes...  For awhile no brakes was cool, and now excessive braking is the new no brakes.

Lastly, here's the fastest bike in the world--and it's not a Venge-Schmenge:

Note the disc brakes.