Monday, June 29, 2015

Sorry I'm Late, My Apple Watch Was Set To Venusian Time

So who else rode bikes this weekend?


Rest assured the bike's just on its side because I was too lazy to find something to lean it against while I stopped to relieve myself, and not because I fell over for want of an industry-approved gravel bike.

In addition to riding bikes I went shopping for plastic crap at this really cool and trendy store called "Target," and while I was there I threw a leg over this sweet fat bike:


First I did the "lift test" and was surprised to find it was lighter than I expected--by which I mean it felt like it weighed a hundred pounds instead of the thousand pounds I was anticipating.  Then I rolled it down the aisle and squeezed the brakes.  This felt a lot like calling your cable company about an outage, in that you know you took action on your end but there's no evidence that anything's going to be happening any time soon.  Still, part of me was tempted to purchase the bicycle just to mess around with it, but I'm not exactly made of money (I'm actually made of halva), nor do I have some great big workshop in which to house all this crap--and most of all, I've got 18 or 19 kids now, which means I don't want to squander my precious riding time on department store fat bikes.

Therefore, I figured I'd replicate the experience of riding a Fracture by taking one of my own mountain bikes, disconnecting the brakes, and filling the tires with kitty litter.

By the way, this Fracture should not be confused with the Fracture road bike from Broken Bones Bicycles--though of course you should never ride either without wearing a hjëllment:


I'm surprised the CPSC hasn't made them replace that sticker with one that says: "Warning: There's a 50% Chance The Fork Is On Backwards."

Anyway, after handling the Target fat bike I needed a bit of a palate cleanser, and so today I selected pretty much its exact opposite:


Hopped a train:


And disembarked at an undisclosed station, where I lifted up this satanic manhole cover and disappeared beneath the street:


(If you put your ear to it you'll hear this.)

It's where I get my powers.

In other news, Esteemed Commenter Daddo One informs me that, despite their funny accents, people in the Boston area are just like everybody else in that they don't give a shit about velodromes:

Local officials across the state have fought to host Olympic basketball, volleyball, and sailing. But as Boston 2024 officials have roamed the state putting together their new plan, there is one venue that no one seems to be vying for: the velodrome, a physically huge and enormously expensive indoor bicycling track that hosts one of America’s least popular Olympic sports.

In an Olympic landscape stalked by white elephants, the velodrome just might be the lead pachyderm, skewered by critics as the ultimate symbol of the waste and excess required to host the Games.

Goddamn right!  Remember back in like 2007 when fixies were big and the people we used to call "hipsters" were all whining about how they needed to have velodromes so they could ride their track bikes and show off their knuckle tattoos?  Well, it's a good thing nobody listened to them, because if they had the entire country would now be littered with the shells of unused velodromes, desolate and lying in wait for some natural disaster when they could finally see use as emergency shelters.

At least the stupid NJS track bikes they don't ride anymore aren't getting in anyone else's way.  (With the possible exception of their parents in the suburbs in whose basements they're now being stored.)

I mean come on, we're talking about track racing here!  You'd have better luck getting people behind indoor fly fishing arenas.  Even USA Cycling is like, "Track racing?  Who cares?"

But even velodrome believers admit getting Americans excited about the sport is not easy.

Watching muscular racers on fixed-gear bicycles with no brakes hurtling around steeply banked tracks is popular in Europe. But in the United States, “it’s sort of a marginalized discipline,” said Andy Sparks, director of track programs at USA Cycling. “You say, ‘track cycling,’ and people are not familiar with the concept.”

Way to stand behind one of your core disciplines, USA Cycling.

Of course, one of the problems here is that nobody even knows what the hell a velodrome is:

That is partly because hardly anyone knows what a velodrome is, particularly in New England. There are only 28 of the oval-shaped tracks in the United States and the one closest to Boston is in Breinigsville, Pa., 317 miles away. The only American velodrome that meets Olympic specifications is in Carson, Calif.

This is all cycling's own fault.  Why the hell do we still call them "velodromes?"  It's so 19th century!  If you're going to Yonkers Raceway you don't say "I'm off to the hippodrome to partake in some equestrian sports betting," do you?  Of course not.  You simply get on the free bus shuttle from the subway and sip booze from a bottle concealed in a paper bag.  So why should track racing be any different?

Instead of velodromes they should be calling them "no brakes bike tracks."  Problem solved.

I mean come on, isn't "velodrome" a little highfalutin for something like this?

The last velodrome in New England, a humble asphalt course built on a former go-kart track in Londonderry, N.H., closed in 2011 after struggling to attract cyclists.

Of course it did.

And of course the very worst way to get anybody interested in a velodrome is to insist it's going to benefit amateur bike racers:

Kross and other boosters point out that Boston has a high concentration of competitive cyclists, and harsh winters. A velodrome, they say, would provide a place for these cyclists to train from November to March and draw fans willing to plunk down $15 to watch races.

Come on, everybody hates amateur bike racers.  They're inconsiderate wankers!  Why should we give these people anything?  "Oh, it's snowy in winter, I can't train."  So go skiing!  Arguing that a velodrome will give them a place to train in winter is like like saying they should build a new shopping mall so muggers will have a place to ply their trade in inclement weather.

Anyway, everybody knows the only reason track racing is still even in the Olympics is it's one of the relatively few sports British people are good at.

Speaking of amateur bike racing, I continue to be fascinated with the media hype over the new Specialized Venge-Schmenge.  Last week's CyclingNews review was amusing enough, but now that Lennard Zinn's weighing in with his own it's like Eddie Van Halen blowing a high school band recital off the stage with a blistering solo:


Think of time savings as water pouring into a bucket. Sagan, since his power savings are so much higher with the new equipment than yours are, turns the faucet up high, but he pulls the bucket away sooner because he’s done with his 40km sooner; that limits the total water collected in the bucket. Because our power savings would be lower for the same change in equipment, we would have the faucet on a lower flow rate. But since we’re out there longer, our bucket stays under the faucet longer and ends up with a similar amount of water in it as Sagan’s does.

Uh, what?

Actually, I guess it's less like Eddie Van Halen and more like Bill Nye after he's just taken a huge bong hit.

Of course, the best part is that in order to reap the maximum benefit you've got to use all of this stuff together, right down to the shoes:

Specialized has come up with a time savings number for each individual piece of equipment, adding up to over five minutes of total predicted time savings.

Well done, Specialized, well done.

After all, it only takes one incorrectly-worn helme(n)t to erase all those hard-won gains:


That thing's just a few inches away from being a scarf.



110 comments:

Carl said...

Yeah

Ted K. said...

35. Everyone has goals; if nothing else, to obtain the physical necessities of life: food, water and whatever clothing and shelter are made necessary by the climate. But the leisured aristocrat obtains these things without effort. Hence his boredom and demoralization.

Carl said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Schisthead said...

Lift testing...

Freddy Murcks said...

The most accurate cycling headline I have ever seen: Contador: “People saying Giro-Tour double is impossible motivates me to dope even more” Good work, CyclingSnooze.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Toppus tennus.

Bob Patterson said...

Why is it so many pictures of bike riders in helmets remind me of Rick Moranis playing Durth Vader in Spaceballs?

https://encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRkf9VB1BIKvx-7nWz6Z-fHegRF0uxeI_CdPgmJwWyn2mLZSprPBA:movieactors.com/photos-stars/rick-moranis-spaceballs-7.jpg

Anonymous said...

Hey!

cycle

ken e. said...

so very far! like venus!

Freddy Murcks said...

Lennard Zinn and I went to the same highfalutin liberal arts college. It shows in his florid, impenetrable prose.

JLRB said...

My bucket sprung a leak

Grump said...

Yes, I did race the track for two years, but I got smarter and learned that Industrial Park Crits were soon to become an Olympic sport (I was wrong)
The idea of an indoor Velodrome is just crazy. On the other hand, my idea for an indoor Criterium course should win me one of those Nobel Prizes. All it would take would be to knock down three or four city blocks. The facility could then b build for less than 130 million. (including an outdoor area where the riders could urinate freely)

Denebian slime devil said...

Venusians are always late.

VeloJon said...

It's a shame nobody in Boston knows what a velodrome is - Major Taylor, the 'Worcester Whirlwinbd", one of the greatest track racers ever, hailed from a stone's throw away.

Anonymous said...

Ms. Cleveland was learning wheelies in clipless pedals and wanted protection against over-rotation.

Anonymous said...

”…the one closest to Boston is in Breinigsville, Pa., 317 miles away.”

Yes, but after traveling those 317 miles you get to experience PA DUTCH NIGHT!!!!

(Since NYC has turned it’s back in its own Dutch heritage.)

babble on said...

OOOh! Ooh! OoH Ooh! OOH! Pick me! Pick me! I did! I did! I rode bikes this weekend, snobberdooders, even though there were dire warnings that people should stay inside and avoid exercise, since the dangerous levels of air pollution might just bite.

There's a fine line between brave and stoopid, but I'm comfortable on it.

Shawn said...

this comment removed by the commentor

Milton Berle said...

"Arguing that a velodrome will give them a place to train in winder is like like saying they should build a new shopping mall so muggers will have a place to ply their trade in inclement weather."

Another joke I'm going to steal.

Anonymous said...

Her helment provides sun protection for her neck.

Are not the Olympics themselves so 19th century?

grog said...

So, you don't really like celtic frost?

Anonymous said...

apropos that Marco Pantani was the last rider to double in the Giro and Tour in the same year. My money is on Quintana.

Spokey said...

no comment

it's such a nice day, i'm going out for a sping. hmmm guess that is a comment.

dop said...



or maybe pee wee after inhaling helium?

GatorJoe said...

I never understand a thing Lennard Zinn says.

dop said...

Actually, I guess it's less like Eddie Van Halen and more like Bill Nye after he's just taken a huge bong hit.

pleas insert above

Anonymous said...

1) Anonymous @1:14pm - Pennsylvania Dutch is actually "Deutsch". This is German, not Dutch.

2) I've never been to either velodrome, but I believe both are outdoors, and Kissena is a lot closer to Boston.

Anonymous said...

vsk said . . .

Vengee Schmengee

vsk

Dooth said...

I ride in my own private velodrome, but it's a rectangular track around a fenced-in ball field. I'm sure I look like a maniac riding laps for a hour...so be it, I love it.

Anonymous said...

The outdoor velodrome in Kenosha WI is fairly popular, probably cuz it is outdoors, and you can wander around, and not just watch bikes.

Anonymous said...

” Pennsylvania Dutch is actually "Deutsch". This is German, not Dutch.”

I’ll let you explain that to the Valley Preferred Cycling Center.

Anonymous said...

Milton is only 529 miles from Boston.

DB said...

New Yorkers:
I will be watching your fireworks display this year from Queens. Not sure of location yet.
I will be eating falafels and smoking a hookah.

I will also be visiting NYC Velo bike shop now that several of you have vouched for it.

Nice one today, Snob. Thanks.

sweeping_turns said...

USA cycling once again proving they don't care about domestic cycling at all. Are they down to operating out of a post office box and telephone number forwarded to someone's mobile?

No one asks where the money these delusional weekend warriors spend on crits nobody watches goes. An article about it would prove, once again, USA Cycling is designed to pass money to individuals rather than promote a sport. Would the delusional weekend warriors care? No.

Track racing is fun. For sure. But, USA Cycling isn't interested in promoting participation in any way. Good times. Lots of good people on the track, IMO, much better than roadies, not quite mountain bikers, but pretty close.

crosspalms said...

There's a hole in my bucket

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 1:52pm,

Given the alternatives in Kenosha I'm not surprised it's popular:

Other popular tourism sites include the Jelly Belly Visitor Center store and factory tours, and the Mars Cheese Castle with Wisconsin-related products.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Anonymous said...

But think of all the legalities an automobile driver would be absolved of if they were to strike Sighted in Cleveland lady. That's really all that matters, right

Anonymous said...

"The only American velodrome that meets Olympic specifications is in Carson, Calif"...didn't they just have the Olympics in Atlanta, GA not too long ago? I hate to say it, but I even attended one of the track cycling events there...though, I guess the venue could have been temporary.

DB said...

The Mars Cheese Castle rules.

bieks said...

I can understand you mistaking that for a helment, but it's actually a Hovding in mid-deployment.

the Judge said...

In all my years on the bench and in jurisprudence I have never seen the need for a dedicated gavel bike.

Anonymous said...

So let's say your meager (meagre) power output is a piss stream. And the race is a bucket. But then the biek is like your assistant Sheila who is always trying to be helpful, bless her heart. Excuse me sir, she says, it's me Sheila. Yes Sheila? Are you done with the piss-bucket, she asks. The fans are like birds, but some birds are like CAW, CAW, and that is how you know they're crows. Sheila pulls the bucket away 2 minutes and 37 seconds sooner, because she is that efficient. So the question we're all wondering about is, has your bladder been emptied yet or are you going to piss on the floor?

Anonymous said...

Toe Cheese Castle is better

avoid the cheesy yeast infection castle at all costs

Anonymous said...

So, is Esteemed Commenter Daddo One actually WCRM's father? He seems to be full of cycling-related trivia revealed directly to the Snob who then relates it to us. Kind of like a cycling-world Great Chain of Being.

Dooth said...

DB, for a truly old New York bike shop, visit Frank's Bike Shop on Grand St in the Lower East Side. When I was building my track bike and needed a crank I asked Frank if he had anything, " giimme a week, I have to look through the stuff." A week later he had two cranks for me to choose, A Specialties TA and Suntour Superbe Pro ( cranks which go for over $200). He sold me the Suntour for $80.

DB said...

Thanks, Dooth.
We're staying in that neighborhood so I'll check them both out.
Appreciate the recommendations.

shining trapezoid said...

Fat bikes are dead. Get one of these: http://riderungu.com/

Wormtown Wrascal said...

I was under the impression that Major Taylor hailed from Indianapolis, Indiana.
Yes, Birdie Munger hauled him to Boston, where there were at least three cycling tracks, in Cambridge, Revere, and Waltham.

Comet
Orient
Iver Johnson
blah blah blah.

Andrew Ritchie's book Major Taylor: The Extraordinary Career of a Champion Bicycle Raceris good, and the memorial in Worcester at the library is cool, too.


Wormtown Wrascal said...

CORRECTION: Hauled him to Worcester. Like, Persons Saddles Worcester. That Worcester.

Wrench Monkey said...

Funny, I thought that a "Cleveland Helmet" was something totally different. Btw, the velodrome from Atlanta is now in Bromont, Quebec, which would be great for winter riding, but it's outside w/ no roof.

Wrench Monkey said...

Anybody need any commas? I've got way more than I can use.

JLRB said...

Off topic, so sue me, but at least some good has come from Trump's Presidential entry - Even NBC won't whore around with him anymore

Anonymous said...

Come on now, we have all ridden a fatty or two when no one was looking. Sometimes it's the only way to get you where you need to go and you can really ride them hard and they just keep on taking it.....just happy to be getting somebody on top of them.

Those cold winter days do not have to be lonely Wildcat.

Anonymous said...

Go fat early and avoid the rush." Pete Mulvehill ca. 1990

Anonymous said...

fatties are like mopeds - they are fun to ride until your friends see you doing it

Anonymous said...

Fatties? Is it Wednesday already?

dop said...

JLRB:

I told the so last week.....

Sandra Fluke Moment?

Anonymous said...

A "Cleveland Helmet" is when you toss your condom on your "Cleveland Steamer" - http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Cleveland+Steamer

Pathetic Old Cyclist said...

http://www.bridgeandtunnelclub.com/bigmap/queens/kissenapark/velodrome/e can lease time on the outdoor Kissena Velodrome in Queens

Anonymous said...

Bill Nye doesn't need a bong to sound loopy: I just saw him give a commencement speech in which he told the kids it's their own fault if they get run over by cars when they use their smartphones while walking.

Anonymous said...

What about building the velodrome at Foxwood?

dop said...

kissena velodrome

Let's try that. The first time I visited the velodrome, middle-aged men were playing with their radio=controlled planes. I guess their moms kicked them out of the basement.

BamaPhred said...

Monday Scranus

dop said...

Monday's Child is Scranus
Tuesday Child is a Fred
Wednesday Child is full of shit
Seeeee How They Runnnnnn!!!!

JLRB said...

Lady Recumba
Children at her teets

Anonymous said...

Bromptons on the tracks and Brits on the track.

Pathetic Old Cyclist said...

My helmet starts to fall off the back of my head at WooHoo Fred speed. It then deploys like a parachute.

The Leisured Aristocrat said...

The new, world class velodrome in Milton, Ontario has a track made of Siberian hardwood.

Anonymous said...

Speaking of Siberian hardwood, has Babs ever had a chance to ride on some?

The Leisured Aristocrat said...

Oh, and by the way, Milton is a place in Ontario, a province in Canada, the big chunk of land that lays to the North of 'merica.

Tom Dwyer said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
The Leisured Aristocrat said...

Hmmmm... That was a bit nasty. Sorry, but I'm just sooo bored.

Tom Dwyer said...

If the Boston Velodrome manages to consistently deliver amateur bike racing action like we saw this weekend at the local crit maybe people would pay to watch races.

Comment deleted said...

I'm sad that I'm not going to catch the Yohann the Yodeler show. That guy kills it.

babble on said...

I'm gonna be a major Frederica this winter, shelling out $25 for bike rental and coaching session once a week at our local indoor track. (That's the same thing as a velodrome, right?) Seems like a pretty good deal to me, and the fastest guys at our local crit are all convinced that it's the best way to improve your leg speed. If only there was a similarly simple way to improve your climbing speed...

Does anybody know why the UCI won't recognise points won at a crit? So many of the sanctioned races in this province are circuit races, albeit bigger circuits.

dop said...

The biggest draw of a velodrome is the absence of cars

babble on said...

Tom - Your local crit looks a bit like certain aspects of a hockey game, even though the gloves and helmets didn't come off. A crash at ours is more likely to lead to the blame/shame game, not to fistacuffs.

I used to race with the ladies, but I always ended up pulling for at least half of the race, and nobody would even try to get away, leaving it more like a training ride, without the rotating paceline. It's quite a bit slower, too, so I've been racing with the guys of late. Last week, with two laps to go, I very nearly got clipped in a corner, and then someone in front of me had the same problem on the next corner. After that, I got pushed out over the yellow line on the back part of the circuit, and by then I figured that the abundance of adrenaline coursing through my veins wasn't going to do me any favours in what had turned into a bit of a sketchy ride, so I sat up and dropped out of the race. Just a few minutes later there was a huge crash and a pileup involving half the group on the sprint to the finish, with one beautiful crabon bike suddenly a folder, after it neatly snapped in three pieces. I was happy with my decision, cause it's always better to DNF rubber side down than to drag your sorry ass over the finish line after a crash.

I am finding it a lot easier to stay in the sweet spot after riding with the guys for a while, cause it has improved my ability to sprint hard even after crossing the red line a few times. It has also raised my maximum heart rate from 186 to 192... not bad for an old fart! I am looking forward to seeing how the track changes my conditioning over the winter.

I really don't get why more people don't love our sport. It's more exciting to watch than the beautiful game, and every bit as universal. Oh wait. Drugs, scandal, corruption... never mind.

babble on said...

Mr dop - yes. Absolutely. I love anywhere that's car-free, especially as we face a summer of dangerous air quality thanks to all of those lazy-assed motorists who simply won't give it up, even in the face of the sixth Mass Extinction Event.

Anonymous said...

Snob: I think you can (and should) build a post around this photo:
http://twitter.com/Lotto_Soudal/status/613633978185187328/photo/1.

You're welcome. Do your worst.

Anonymous said...

You? Never! Did the Kenosha Kid?

You never did "The Kenosha" kid.

"You never did" - The Kenosha Kid.

Jeb said...

No one is gonna build one of them velodrones in MY neck o' the woods! Why, next thing ya all knows, they is gonna be flyin' all over hell's half acre, takin' infra red pictures of us doin' shameful stuff that sometimes does go on 'round here after we done gone drunk a bunch of Jack D. mixed up good with some Mountain Dew.

babble on said...

Huh... turns out that Townsend, the punch happy cyclist/nude model has just been fired.

Frac Ture said...

How is one to clamp a carbon framed bike onto a work stand? Won't the clasp do bad things to the top tube?

DB said...

Wettest June in history for Illinois.
Crosspalms and I get pass for weak mileage this month.

Dave said...

How to Clamp the Crabon?

First, unwrap your 24-ft length of brushed silk and hold it in readiness. Swathe the brutal clamps generously with black rubber strips, then another layer of shaped neoprene. Gently set the crabon on the open clamp; then begin winding the silk over and under, around and through numerous times, and at each winding ever-so-gently cinch the silk just a soupçon tighter - NO NOT A CUNT-HAIR YOU DOLT! - gently, quietly, until the crabon is entirely immobile and helpless.

Then you may do all the bad things you wish with no damage to the precious crabon.

Johnny Carson said...

"The only American velodrome that meets Olympic specifications is in Carson, Calif."

I guess the reporter didn't do any real research. The Giordana Velodrome in Rock Hill, SC, is Olympic Caliber. As is their BMX track. Maybe Rock Hill, SC should put in a bid for the Olympics.

MJ said...

++ for Frank's!

crosspalms said...

Does backstroke count?

Anonymous said...

I think "satanic manhole" would be a really good euphemism for vagina. As in: "Bob patted his pockets. Where did he leave his keys? Upside her satanic manhole, he joked to himself, along with his sperm, his dignity, his shambles of a marriage, and his soul.

Or something like that.

JLRB said...

The guy in the lead in the velodrome pic seems to have an unfair advantage

P. Bateman said...

oddly enough, there is a velodrome planned for my little hometown of marietta GA of all places. i have no earthly idea why.

hey Anon @ 10:24 - that sounds like a nice beginning to a good X/R rated graphic novel.

Ric said...

Anytime someone mentions the word velodrome, I think of this short film I saw at an outdoor film festival downtown once:
http://www.selectism.com/2012/04/11/watch-boy-london-olympics-short-film/

I also think of Waffle Lab, since I was eating one of their "Mild High" Grilled Cheese Waffles at the time. Anyone from Fort Collins will understand.

Kerry said...

Common Snob.. Your giving velodromes a bad rap here...

I'm American, but lived most my profession life overseas..(I'm 52 now). I spent about 2 glorious years in Cologne Germany. I would often go to this very old, very small velodrome with my German friends on Friday or Saturday evenings before hitting the club scene. I'm here to report that, at least in Germany, I enjoyed the hell out of myself. The building was very old, and the track banks were outrageously steep.. The winter bike circuit in Europe are were the lesser pro's and aspiring amateurs try to earn some extra scratch as well as keep some sort of fitness. This meant the racing was top notch if not insane. As for the spectator part of thing it was simply wild.. The place was hazy with cigarette smoke mixed with the scent of fantastic bratwurst and "kraut" and beer...lots and lots of beer.. Most of the drunks were betting on the races but the rules confused me so I just sat there happily eating my sausages and "fritz" and enjoying the spectacle. They had one race that literally lasted 2 weeks.. I couldn't even begin to tell you the rules...but from what I understood it was sort of like a 24 hours of Lamans type race...but with bikes and more racers of course... Last team standing won the thing..

I'm sure the American experience to this would be far different.. Probably you would need to be run thru a sterilizer machine before they even let someone enter in case they infected the precious athletes with some germ..

Anyway, that was 20+ years ago now... Not sure the place is even standing anymore..but if you are in Cologne you should really check it out.. Come for the bike racing but stay for the ambiance.

David Pearce said...

Dear Snob & Friends,

I don't know what or who makes me more mad, The BROKEN BONES dude, who gets his daughter or child to shill for him on Kickstarter,

OR

The guy who is reviewing or recapping the SPECIALIZED Venge-Schmenge and accoutrements down to the nth detail, vis.:

Happily, Specialized found in the wind tunnel that the drag was unchanged between internal and external spoke nipples. So this wheel is easily adjustable for spoke tension, something often lacking on deep aero wheels. Flat spokes did make an improvement over round ones, though, so the CLX64 is built up with DT Swiss Aerolite butted-and-bladed spokes.

Jesus Christ, they measure the drag between INTERNAL and EXTERNAL spoke nipples? Oh, Fuck!

OR

SPECIALIZED
itself, for adding up the computer generated supposed time savings of each individual part of the bike / spacesuit / shoe / helme(n)t combination.

I'm feeling No. 3 here, frankly, for being so goddamn finicky about every little second of time! Holy Christ! What the F, people?!

Just get out and ride your damn bikes. Bikes, and biking, SHOULD NOT be rocket science!

Your Pal,

Dave

P.S. I hope y'all get to see the Hermione up in New York Harbor, and she helps you celebrate a great 4th of July, beginning July 1 !

P. Bateman said...

traveling and on the hotel tv i have found an old episode of Battle Network of the Stars- its like crossfit/american gladiators featuring hunky and sexy soap stars from the 80's. the big star you ask? Scott Baio. howard cosell is announcing.

that mother fucking Baio is "like an antelope"

wait, now Mr T is here and he's doing jazzercise?

this is soooooo much better than indoor bike racing.

babble on said...

Sacrilege. Mr T is not better than any kindov cycling. Nope. Not. Ever.

Frac Ture? Clamp the seat post, silly. Then you can do all of those bad things you desire.

Um, people? Can we stop with the fracture business already? That's enough. Just sayin' is all.

Misbah said...

Good Design

Anonymous said...

Thanks to the longer and slower running faucet my balls are now as big ad Sagan's?

dop said...

low hanging

dop said...

fruit

Snikebob said...

I thought your apple watch is permanently stuck on scranusian time.

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