Upper West Side residents packed a community board meeting to fight the pending flood of Citi Bike stations — saying many sites pose a deadly risk to pedestrians, especially children.
Wow. What a bunch of spoiled brats. Maybe if there had been a Citi Bike station in front of that restaurant in the Bronx there would have been only some mangled blue bikes instead of a dead child:
If anything every last foot of curb space in New York City should be lined with Citi Bike stations.
It's our only defense.
This isn't to say that people on bikes don't have it in them to embody the worst of humanity every now and again, because across town this happened:
According to NBC 4, Mary Grace Belfi was exiting her parked car on First Avenue and 86th Street to feed the meter when she was hit by the cyclist as she stepped into the bike lane.
"I was in the passenger seat and I saw him whizzing by out of the periphery of my eye, and I saw her just drop," Belfi's daughter, Lilly Belfi, told the outlet.
I think I speak for all of us when I say it's unfair to call this idiot a cyclist, because a) he is spineless and amoral; and b) he is wearing sweatpants. Anyway, it's only a matter of time before somebody blames the bike lane instead of the heedless moron on a bike who happened to be riding in it. Also, I'm sure there will be plenty of victim-blaming here. However, while people do often step into the bike lane without looking, you've got to to expect it to happen, and should you collide with them anyway you've got to fucking STOP!
The police will ticket the hell out of you for rolling through a red light at 3mph, but they're pretty cool with you running into pedestrians--and while they prefer you do it with a car they're probably give you a pass if you do it on a bike too.
Meanwhile, here's yet another Kickstarter for yet another child's bike:
This is a pretty cool children's bike, and I'd argue it's much more so than Woody Allen's. However, I was baffled by the inventor's tale of inspiration:
"That led us to purchase our first 20-inch bike from a local bike shop. We got it home, weighed it, it was much heavier than I had anticipated, which led to question: 'Why isn't there a lighter, better bike?'"
Heavier than you anticipated? Really? Did you not lift the thing at any point during the process of buying it an bringing it home? Who cares what the scale says?
Children should not be exposed to weight weenie-ism at such an early age.
And now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right that's good, and if you're wrong you'll see comfortable and relaxed bicycling.
Thanks very much, ride safe, and stay comfortable and relaxed.
--Wildcat Rock Machine
1) The Lone Wolf has traded the Bedazzled Lotus for:
--A folding bike
--A fat bike
2) Why is it called the "High Bridge?"
--It's a bridge
--All of the above
--None of the above
3) Which is not one of the works of Edgar Allan Poe?
--The Tell-Tale Heart
--The Cask of Amontillado
--The Purloined Letter
--The Fred of the House of Usher
4) Bradley Wiggins set the cycling hour record in:
6) What is the least bicycle-friendly country on the planet?
--We love you, amen!
(There are no nervous bikes, only nervous rivers.)
7) What the fuck is "Countervail technology?"
--Viscoelastic-infused carbon, duh
--Something that is sandwiched between hi-mod carbon layers in a unique lay-up that reduces the length of vibrations from the road by up to 80 per cent, of course
--Something that makes bike "ascend with urgency," because inanimate objects can have urgency
--All of the above
***Special Banjo-Themed Bonus Video!***
Now that you've been hypnotized I command you to buy hats and jerseys.