Monday, March 2, 2015

It's Monday, so let's jump in with all three feet.

Thrills!

Spills!

Aerobars!

You'll find them all in this video, tweeted at me by a Tweeterer:



Looks like the old front tire decided to stop cooperating with the road surface right about here:


As tempting as it may be to blame the tridork, judging from the whine of motors in the background I'm going to go ahead and speculate that some moto-weenie's crotch rocket is leaking oil and befouled the road surface

Anyway, here's a shot of a bloody coccyx to start your week off right:


Hopefully he's back up and riding soon.

Speaking of thrills and chills, I got an email the other day:

We made a video, its has to do with cycling!

Hey BSNYC, I made this video with my siblings, and we are trying to become world famous and hope you will help us spread the fame! Keep entertaining, you are where I get all my cycling news, tips, and product reviews.  We love you.  Thanks!  -Kevin



Now that's the way you cyclocross:


I love you too.

Moving on to the World's Worst Cycling Country, a bunch of tridorks outside of Melbourne were attacked by a motorist wielding a bat:


A motorist wielding a large wooden bat attacked a group of cyclists after screaming abuse at them, one of the riders has claimed.

A triathlete, who requested to be known only as Brad, said he was riding with his coach and five other cyclists on Point Nepean Road at Rye on the Mornington Peninsula on Saturday morning when they were confronted by a man on the street, waving the bat.

He said the same man had driven past them earlier, screaming abuse.

This sounds like it could be the work of noted cricketing douche Shane Warne:


Except that Warne used his car as a weapon, whereas the bat-wielding motorist abandoned the bat with a dramatic flourish and then went at the tridorks mano a mano:

"He said, 'I'm not going to need it anyway,' and that's when he started using his hands. He was very physical. He became more and more aggressive.

"He ended up on top of my coach and after a bit of struggling, one of our riders was able to pull him off. The fighting ceased for a few seconds, but then the male driver became aggressive again and attacked one of our other riders, striking them."

Fortunately, the cyclists escaped serious injury. They were left with bruises and scratches.

Note how the motorist first humped the coach in order to assert his dominance.

By the way, I've ridden in this general area myself, though I didn't make it all the way down to where the triathlon coach-humping incident occurred.  Instead, I made it to about here, at which point boredom compelled me to turn around and head back to Melbourne:


It was either that or try to swim home.

And in Fredly news, a guy named Fred is resurrecting the Austro-Daimler bicycle brand by harnessing the awesome kickstarting power of Kickstarter:



Vintage branding aside, this would appear to be just a plastic bike like any other, so I think they're going to need more than a mild-mannered guy with a popped collar to distinguish themselves:


What they need is a dynamic spokesman, someone who's both photogenic and brimming with charisma.  Somebody who embodies the very essence of cycling.  Someone like this guy:


Might also want to think about a new logo.  Granted I've got babies on the brain, but the present one is a little too close to this:


In a pinch it makes a pretty good chamois cream.

86 comments:

Anonymous said...

Win!

Name said...

No comments!!

Anonymous said...

Baked potatoes!

Name said...

One comment...

Anonymous said...

Hey

cycle

JB said...

A&D is the best thing for "I have a cold and the reachable areas of my nose are rubbed raw" syndrome. The best Jerry. Slather it on before you go to bed.

ken e. said...

good morning!

wishiwasmerckx said...

Toppus tennus.

leroy said...

Future note: no podium sprints while eating at desk.

Anonymous said...

top ten?

chuck! said...

chuck!

recumbabe said...

https://charlotte.craigslist.org/bik/4913954549.html

sweet tandem recum

Anonymous said...

The hatch is open!

The Boxer said...

I could of been a contender. Now I'm just 14th.

The Robot Engineer said...

To me, it looks like that crash was caused by him using the front brake on to get his bike's speed under control and washed out the front tire. That YouTube channel RNickeyMouse is chock full of motorcycles doing the same thing. You can see the photographers that just hang out there, waiting to shoot the fish in the barrel.

PotbellyJoe said...

I'd be suspicious of any tridorks who claim to not have video while on a "training run."

Freddy Murcks said...

I am not a great descender or cornerer, but I know enough to know that the tri-dork deserves at least some of the blame. Good descenders/cornerers lean the bike while keeping their body more upright. Good descenders/cornerers also counter steer. Tri-dork was doing neither.

Anonymous said...

Dufus Tridork was bombing the hill on an open road, was way over the centerline on a downhill curve and just missed going under the bumper of that car going uphill. So much for thinning the herd. My bet is that he touched his front brake as he tried to tighten his line and the front wheel washed out. You know what sucks the most about triatheltes? They spend all their ineptly cycling, because they are in a hurry to go on a run

Anonymous said...

Wait, you don't use Butt Paste (http://www.buttpaste.com/) on the delicate nether regions of your offspring? What kind of father are you? And I'm surprised there isn't an local artisanal diaper rash ointment purveyor in Brooklyn that you patronize.

The Robot Engineer said...

Remember, this is where the motorcycle overcooked the turn a few years ago and hit the bicycles.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dNFaAqS2f18

Anonymous said...

A+D always works well as chamois cream.

shining trapezoid said...

Velocipede F├╝hrer

dop said...

2 pinches, I've got a big ass.

balls™ said...

All you haters bat my balls.

Craig Richards said...

A-D should rebrand. You wouldn't want to accidentally apply a bicycle frame to your infants sore backside. Won't you look stupid pulling it out of your diaper bag.

dop said...

My main criticism of the fallen cyclist is his analog watch. It was obviously half-past mickey's ass.

JB said...

Austro-Daimler Kickstarter is a KS for a sticker set and paintjob put on one of those Chinese Ebay/Alibaba frames?

dockWorker said...

Yeah, I know where that is.

If you are not a good handler, then a crash above woo-hoo speeds is likely. And it's very easy to get above woo-hoo speed, for that bit of road.

You'll note he's very choppy cornering before he goes down. I conclude some combination of too much speed and bad cornering skills.

He's defying plenty of odds crossing the double-yellow and wearing headphones in that area, that's for sure.

DB said...

My death will not be caused by flying over my handlebars. It will be caused by an explosion from the black tank cars filled with petroleum derailing as I pass them on my commute twice a day.

CommieCanuck said...

Toronto tunnel solved!
Apparently, it was just two 20-something hipsters engaging in artistic burrowing.

William Shakesnke said...

Direct Drive bike by any other name is ...

A bi unicycle.

Tridorkus Erectis said...

The tridork's tires are under inflated.

dnk said...

Commie Canuck,

I thoroughly applaud the weirdness of 20-something Toronto hipsters. They've got Brooklyn hipsters beat by two lengths of artisan pickle jars.

petee said...

Had he been tucked in aerobatic position he would have been through the cars windshield.

Anonymous said...

Old bike brands don't seem to go away...

Did you know that you can still buy a new Nishiki? For drop bars, go to Sweden: www.nishiki.com. In USA, at Dick's sporting goods. (www.dickssportinggoods.com) There is nothing like my old Olympic 12.

But you didn't ride Nishiki, you rode Univega? You just have to go to Germany: www.univega.com But the Gran Rally is no more. Be sure to follow the "About Univega" link.

babble on said...

Hmmm...so you tweet AT someone?

I don't see an oil slick on the road. Don't they quickly turn dark?

il Pirata est Mort said...

Photog was seen stashing a can of Pam in his photo-vest secret inner lining.

dockWorker said...

Here's the same area, different stretches of the highway where tridork crashed and exotic car pron.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ChFHsSna_w8

Tridork didn't even get to the next much tighter corner.

Dave said...

I'm just glad I ate lunch before perusal.

Grump said...

Can't believe that crash guy sticks his hand out when he falls. I guess that Tri guys do that sort of silly thing.

Bruce from Blairgowrie said...

So who's this "Brad" fella? He's not from around here. Pretty sure that was me bruv Bruce. The cunt's pretty handy with a bat and doesn't like strangers.

dop said...

That reminds me of what the elephant said to the naked man:

"How do you breathe through that thing?"

dop said...

Hey, Robot Engineer...I looked at the video & couldn't stomach the comments. People don't like cyclists.

PotbellyJoe said...

@Tridorkus Erectis... That's a joke that very few will get here. Not really the cars+coffee crowd.

bad boy of the north said...

maybe the tridork was riding at the crack of dawn....

babble on said...

So one of the best things about riding with the Vets on Sunday mornings is the tips you pick up from guys who have raced at a high level. One of the Vets had been the national champion for a few years, and I found his advice about cornering invaluable. He said that it is easy to panic at high speeds if you look at the corner of the curve you are about to take, because it is coming at you so quickly. He said that when you're cornering at woo hoo, the very best thing to do is focus on the end of the curve, and where you plan to be when you are out the other side.

It's advice which works well on many levels, and in all sorts of situations. If you focus on the thing you are afraid of, you're far more likely to bring it to pass, but if you spend your time contemplating your destination, you are well on your way to getting there.

babble on said...

Grump - right?! Hang on to your steed if you can, and tuck n roll, Fred, tuck n roll.

bieks said...

Anon 1:47 - Apollo?

Oh, and tips on how to keep upright? Watch what Babble does and do the opposite. Maybe those Vets are trying sabotage you Babs.

Ryan Kelley said...

I think I read your column too much. It is starting to bore me.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Ryan Kelley,

Try reading just the one time.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

dop said...

Babs probably has the most cred on this site regarding crash hygiene.

babble on said...

Bieks - maybe you would crash once or twice, too, if you had ridden 12 000 km last year, rain or shine, sleet or snow, and that's WITH three months off for recovery. Just sayin.

Oh... and race results are in for yesterday's Spring Series. It was not my course, cause it was chocka block with hills, and I am too dense to climb well. I was the third placed woman in my group. Next week is a flat course. Wish me luck! :)

Pathetic Old Cyclist said...

Nothing better for tender scranal chapping than Bag Balm. Also treats jersey irritation on my man boob nipples. It's also a much cooler name than A & D.

Ryan Kelley said...

Thank you for the pick-me-up, Bike Snob. I am still a fan.

bieks said...

Babs, that was just my pathetic attempt at humour, but obviously I've touched a sore spot. Touched a sore spot!?!?! Get it? Sore spot!? Bahahahhahahaha!!!

Oh never mind.

Anonymous said...

ford is making bikes now. yep.

http://www.zdnet.com/article/ford-announces-electric-bike-project-to-make-city-journeys-smarter/

Anonymous said...

more here:

http://www.theverge.com/2015/3/2/8133251/ford-smartbike-mode-heart-rate-navigation

babble on said...

These days, they're all sore...
but apparently that's what recovery rides are for.

PBateman said...

Whats the best way to get babies off the brain?

pitchfork.

babble on said...

When I checked out the Ford bike link, I half expected that the lipo-cancer ridden Robba the Ford had finally seen the light.

Not.

McFly said...

A&D makes for amazing chamois cream.

I think Rebecca was riding a vintage Austro-Daimler Ultima. That's the best video I've seen this year.

Freddy Murcks said...

There was an article in the NYT last week about training for triathlons at an older age. Interestingly, there was nothing in the article about how older entrants need to make sure that they actually know/learn how to ride a bike. The bike leg is apparently quite dangerous for all tri dorks.

http://www.nytimes.com/2015/02/28/your-money/training-for-triathlons-at-an-older-age.html

dop said...

The bike leg is not as dangerous as the swim leg. Most triathlon deaths are drowning or heart attacks on the swim.

The first woman described went from running to cycling because of a stress fracture. That was a common path (run>>Bike>>Tri), but now people are taking up the sport without a competitive background any of the 3 disciplines.

Freddy Murcks said...

Dop - my survey is pretty unscientific, but I have heard of only a couple of drowning during the swim leg of tris. If YouTube is to be believed, every single tri has multiple bike crashes. Probably no deaths, but it appears that far and away people in triathlons are most likely to injure themselves on the bike leg. Old bodies break more easily and take longer to heal than young bodies. Telling the tri grannies to focus a little less on swim and run fitness and more on bike skills may be a prudent way to help people avoid a painful injury.

McFly said...

Does A & D stand for Ass and Dick or Anus and Dinglebits? My pharmist always slams the little plexiglass petition when I asks.

BamaPhred said...

Rebecca vid made me smile. Crash victim wanted me to scream "You can walk! Rub some spit and tobacco juice on it, get back on your bike, and ride home. Call your Mama? Geez this is cycling, man." Then I realized he was probably riding crabon fibre, so I said Scranus instead.

Actually, the recaptcha made me say Erongo instead.

Captain Buzzkill said...

The A&D in the name A&D Ointment is supposed to stand for vitamins A and D, in the form of Cod Liver Oil.

Richard Breaks said...

Do you wanna know what makes really great chamois cream? Santorum is the best.


http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/santorum

wishiwasmerckx said...

Ok, people, let's review here.

Cornering 101:

1) Set up wide, come in narrow and exit wide.

2) Point inside knee at the inside corner of the turn in an "outrigger" fashion.

2) Press down hard on the outside pedal with the other leg.

3) Press down hard on the outside handlebar with the outside hand.

4) Steer with your hips, not your handlebar.

5) Brake BEFORE the turn, never during.

6) Closing your eyes never helps.

You're welcome.

McFly said...

7) Shit yourself when you see strewn gravel.

BamaPhred said...

I like all of the above kornuring tips, but at the apex of sheer terror I like to close my eyes and let The Schwartz be my guide.

JLRB said...

I saw on the news that there are tons of accidents with vehicles hitting buildings, to the point that a new law in FLA is requiring barriers in front of day care facilities (after a truly tragic killing of kids by vehicle) However, I am too lazy at the moment to locate the article and provide a link - but I saw it on TV so it must be true.

ps - SCRANUS

BamaPhred said...

All scranus smacking aside, WIWM is right about cornering. For whatever reason this weekend I played with outside pedal pressure and the old sled would just dive through the corners whilst nearly standing on the outside pedal. But on a blind two lane mountain descent it was really stupid. I guess that same effort transfers to the outside handlebar.

Fred TriDouche' said...

Me. I'm hooked on SPORTSCREME Deep Penetrating Pain Relieving Rub whose motto is Stay In The Game! Quite a tasty skin muscle buzz. Available at your nearest BigPharma Korporate Drug Dispensing Location.

!!!WARNING SPORTSCREME IS NOT INTENDED FOR HUMAN CONSUMPTION!!!

Urchin said...

Anon from early in the day is right--get you some Boudreaux's is THE butt paste. You'll never geaux back!

JT said...

saw car coming. panicked and adjusted line. lost front wheel. no oil involved.

Greg said...

Reminds me of a few "accidents" I've had.

Anonymous said...

Waitroses's Baby Bottom Butter - expensive but smells nice.

JLRB said...

OK - Here is an article stating the fact - 60 times a day - EACH DAY - vehicles hit buildings in the U.S.

And it takes big balls to protect buildings

dop said...

From 2003-2011:

•The overall fatality rate for USAT-sanctioned events is approximately 1 per 75,000 participants. For comparison, the risk of SCA at long-distance running events is approximately 1 per 100,000 participants in marathons and 1 per 300,000 participants in half marathons.


•There were 45 fatalities, including 1 victim at a training camp and 1 spectator death (due to a bike crash). Male victims outnumbered female victims, roughly paralleling their participation rates in triathlon. All age groups have been affected except teenagers.


•Of the remaining 43 athlete fatalities at races, 5 were traumatic (all from bike crashes) and 38 were non-traumatic (due to a medical cause).


•Of the 38 non-traumatic deaths, 30 occurred during the swim, 3 during the bike, 3 during the run, and 2 after the race. All but 1 of these 38 occurred due to SCA; the other was due to a pre-existing metabolic syndrome and hyperthermia.


•Although the proximal cause of SCA could not be established with certainty in each victim, it appears that “typical” drowning or unusual medical problems (such as stroke, seizure, syncope, IPE) were not likely responsible. The most plausible explanation is a sudden, fatal arrhythmia -- a primary cardiac problem.

(Those are deaths....bad boo-boos from cycling probably account for most of the ambulance runs)

babble on said...

And apparently all of that endurance training is quite hard on the heart, so that makes sense.

My girlfriend travels the world and runs a marathons every month or two, and she coaches a marathon training clinic, too. She looks fit as a fiddle, but apparently, she could just keel over any moment.

babble on said...

Wow- I just read that link about the nasty cricketer... Sadly enough, he could do, but I wonder how many other people could actually afford to drive cars - one person per car they way they do today - if we stopped subsidizing automotive transportation. That would fix a lot of what's wrong on our roads. Might just solve a few budgetary issues, too, while we're at it.

I saw a Daed-Head Stickerb on a Cadillac said...

Don't look back
Don't look back

Putting it All in Perspective said...

Death rate in Marathons:
1 in 100,000

Death Rate Climbing Mt Everest:
1 in 4.

Pathetic Old Cyclist said...

Merckx 8:27
Excellent! Only forgot countersteer.

Anonymous said...

Naaaa, the tri dork screwed up. That's why I never ride with people with those silly aero bars - they just scream "I'm a triathlete and I don't know how to ride a bike." He's lucky he didn't get run over too.