This is very good for the morale, because it means we're just a tiny bit closer to the thaw...and of course the ensuing VELOCIPEDE FUROR!!! And who could forget The Great Velocipede Furor of 1869?
That we are to have a velocipedal furor this ensuing Summer is a fact no one will now question, and there is but one thing likely to interfere with the coming bicycle campaign, and that is the difficult of finding places to ride in. The Central Park Commissioners, with an indifference to the public wants which they have not previously shown, have not yet decided, we believe, whether they will allow the new machines to be used in the Park drives. It is to be hoped, however, that they will arrive at a favorable conclusion before the Spring or our velocipedal public will be driven to patronize the domains of the more energetic and liberal Commissioners of the Brooklyn Prospect Park, who have already taken measures to gratify the army of velocipedists who are preparing to invade the Metropolis and its suburbs this Spring.
I am determined to one day produce a big-budget feature film called "Velocipedal Furor"--or, failing that, use it as a name for a hamster:
(Velocipedal Fury. Isn't he cute?!?)
Anyway, nobody ever did stop the "energetic and liberal Commissioners of the Brooklyn Prospect Park" or the velocipedal fury, and so almost a century and a half later all that liberal energy and fury culminated in this:
Though for every action there's an equal and opposite reaction:
Speaking of old people on bikes, Dutch scientists are working on a vibrating bicycle, the idea being that it will somehow rattle them into coherence:
Seems like a pretty good idea, but I just worry that this vibrating bicycle technology might fall into the wrong hands:
Cipollini stealing the secret to velocipedal vibration from the Dutch would be like ISIS obtaining nuclear weapons. If Cipollini succeeds in producing a line of vibrating bicycles then we can expect a massive uptick (pun intended) in KuKu Penthouse sales, at which point road cycling's transformation from enjoyable recreational activity to full-blown sexual fetish will be complete.
And finally, here's a Portland Fred spending almost four minutes eating some kind of artisanal energy food he got from Kickstarter:
I kept hoping that at the end of the video he'd realize it was actually chamois cream.
And now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right that's nice, and if you're wrong you'll see electric bike...on ice!
Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and be sure to unleash your VELOCIPEDAL FURY this weekend.
--Wildcat Rock Machine
1) What is "E3 Harelbeke?"
--A bike race
--A reality show
--An erectile dysfunction drug
--A dwarf planet orbiting the star 47 Ursae Majoris
2) Riders protested the Tour of Oman because:
--The country has an abysmal human rights record
--They felt that doping controls were too frequent
--The promoter withheld prize money
--It was friggin' hot as balls
3) Now you can own Mario Cipollini's track bike.
("It's about this big.")
4) This man is the inventor of the:
--The "Chamois Fan," the first frame-mounted crotchal cooling system for recumbent cyclists
5) The Golf Bike is proof that:
--Cycling is the new golf
--Golf is the new cycling
--Cycling is the old golf
--Bike polo is still stupid
6) Cycle-golfing is the new podium molestation.
7) Direct drive is the new everything.
***Special World Class Snotcicle-Themed Bonus Video***
Uh, at 3:42, did he just say what I think he said?