Friday, February 27, 2015

BSNYC Friday Fun Quiz!

Well, February's almost over:


This is very good for the morale, because it means we're just a tiny bit closer to the thaw...and of course the ensuing VELOCIPEDE FUROR!!!  And who could forget The Great Velocipede Furor of 1869?


That we are to have a velocipedal furor this ensuing Summer is a fact no one will now question, and there is but one thing likely to interfere with the coming bicycle campaign, and that is the difficult of finding places to ride in.  The Central Park Commissioners, with an indifference to the public wants which they have not previously shown, have not yet decided, we believe, whether they will allow the new machines to be used in the Park drives.  It is to be hoped, however, that they will arrive at a favorable conclusion before the Spring or our velocipedal public will be driven to patronize the domains of the more energetic and liberal Commissioners of the Brooklyn Prospect Park, who have already taken measures to gratify the army of velocipedists who are preparing to invade the Metropolis and its suburbs this Spring.

I am determined to one day produce a big-budget feature film called "Velocipedal Furor"--or, failing that, use it as a name for a hamster:


(Velocipedal Fury.  Isn't he cute?!?)

Anyway, nobody ever did stop the "energetic and liberal Commissioners of the Brooklyn Prospect Park" or the velocipedal fury, and so almost a century and a half later all that liberal energy and fury culminated in this:


Though for every action there's an equal and opposite reaction:


Or something.

Speaking of old people on bikes, Dutch scientists are working on a vibrating bicycle, the idea being that it will somehow rattle them into coherence:



Seems like a pretty good idea, but I just worry that this vibrating bicycle technology might fall into the wrong hands:


Cipollini stealing the secret to velocipedal vibration from the Dutch would be like ISIS obtaining nuclear weapons.  If Cipollini succeeds in producing a line of vibrating bicycles then we can expect a massive uptick (pun intended) in KuKu Penthouse sales, at which point road cycling's transformation from enjoyable recreational activity to full-blown sexual fetish will be complete.

And finally, here's a Portland Fred spending almost four minutes eating some kind of artisanal energy food he got from Kickstarter:



I kept hoping that at the end of the video he'd realize it was actually chamois cream.

And now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz.  As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer.  If you're right that's nice, and if you're wrong you'll see electric bike...on ice!

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and be sure to unleash your VELOCIPEDAL FURY this weekend.


--Wildcat Rock Machine






1) What is "E3 Harelbeke?"

--A bike race
--A reality show
--An erectile dysfunction drug
--A dwarf planet orbiting the star 47 Ursae Majoris






2) Riders protested the Tour of Oman because:

--The country has an abysmal human rights record
--They felt that doping controls were too frequent
--The promoter withheld prize money
--It was friggin' hot as balls







3) Now you can own Mario Cipollini's track bike.

--True
--False






("It's about this big.")

4) This man is the inventor of the:

--"Raht Racer"
--"Rat Razor"
--"Tranny Chaser"
--The "Chamois Fan," the first frame-mounted crotchal cooling system for recumbent cyclists







5) The Golf Bike is proof that:

--Cycling is the new golf
--Golf is the new cycling
--Cycling is the old golf
--Bike polo is still stupid








6) Cycle-golfing is the new podium molestation.

--True
--False








7) Direct drive is the new everything.

--True
--True




***Special World Class Snotcicle-Themed Bonus Video***




Uh, at 3:42, did he just say what I think he said?






Production note: This and this via Stevil Kinevil.

71 comments:

Pathetic Old Cyclist said...

Early birds get the podi. Um.

Anonymous said...

Wow. Bright eyed and bushy tailed today

benDE said...

holy shit!

benDE said...

I'd like to thank my sponsors, especially the UBON, the American Longshoresmen Union Chapter 234 of Reno Nevada and the Tourism Division of the city of Bonn, Germany...

Pathetic Old Cyclist said...

Did you mean Ursae Majoris or Labia Majoris?

BamaPhred said...

Echoing benDE, Holy Carp!

Anonymous said...

Holy shit! Been a bad week for staying alive on a bike in 'Merica there, hey?!

benDE said...

BamaPhred, can an echo paraphrase?

benDE

Anonymous said...

tp tnz?

Craig Richards said...

I am supposed to be getting ready for work, but Wildcat posting this early is like Eddie Mercxkxxks telling me to not be a wuss.

Craig Richards said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
JB said...

All hail Stevil!

P. Bateman said...

top ....damn it you bunch of doping ass sprinters. how am i ever to keep up? i'm gonna smoke you mo'fo's on monday because i'm gonna get that hybrid electric car bike thing and blast past you at highway speeds so get ready to eat my rubber.

P. Bateman said...

1) i'm gonna use that name at my next Fury convention.

2) Quakernaught? could you BE more european?

3) i'm thinking gals might like a vibrating saddle?

JB said...

Mr. Rock Machine,
This is JB's(?) boss. We found him slumped at his desk, bleeding from the ears, nose, eyes, and mouth. The coroner opines that the blood vessels in his brain exploded. The coroner and our IT department believe this occurred as his brain attempted to comprehend how anyone thought that a video of a bearded Portlandite eating a Kickstarter-derived food conglomeration while on a lunch training ride would need to be seen by any other human.

We will send you the cleaning bill.

Robutus Ford said...

The babe P. Sagan palped in public ...

Anorexic or Bulimic?

P. Bateman said...

@robutus Ford - not sure about her eating disorder or choice, but the results are hard to argue with - she's smoking hot.

the only way to cool her down in fact would be the Glacial Facial.(TM?)

PotbellyJoe said...

"Ehi donna sexy, anoressia sembra buono su di voi. Avete sentito parlare delle nuove bicicletta vibratore?"

-Cipo at E3

Signor Velo Douche' said...

Il viberator moto è il volto di Cipo

crosspalms said...

My commute is only half as far as that guy's, I'm not on a fat bike, and I seldom encounter trucks. And this morning it was 3F, so I took the bus. I think that's four strikes. What a woosie... Hats off to that guy and his snotcicle of courage.

endo-king said...

Re: Video - that guy needs a fat bike on his commute for . . . what?

Carl Sagan said...

"Hats off to that guy and his snotcicle of courage."

In the parallel 'Byrne Universe' there are no cars.

bieks said...

16.5 miles on a fat bike? That's roughly equivalent to a metric century on a venge-schmenge. But you'll never poppa wheelie like on that direct drive.

BikeSnobNYC said...

endo-king,

Gonna go ahead and guess that, living in Ohio, a shitload of snow could fall on him at any moment.

--Wildcat Etc.

Spring 2015 said...

Dear Winter,

GET THE FOOK OUTTA HERE!

endo-king said...

Speaking about what's falling . . .

http://www.bbc.com/sport/0/cycling/31657795

JLRB said...

Cold old cyclists in Cincinnati talk funny

Anonymous said...

"Tranny chaser"

PotbellyJoe said...

DISCLAIMER: Poster hates the state of Ohio.

The greatest question in the history of TV-based questioning of politicians goes to Steven Colbert interviewing Congresswoman Stephanie Tubbs Jones in 2005.

“Twenty-two astronauts were born in Ohio. What is it about your state
that makes people want to flee the Earth?"

Anonymous said...

I saw Velocipede Furor at CBGB back in the day.

Serial Retrogrouch said...

...i got a glacial-facial just walking to work the other day.

...though i don't know how he is able to even speak... i could not open my mouth to separate my moustache from my beard.

...he's my new hero... fat bike and all.

Anonymous said...

i ride bikes yall
its what i likes yall
and if it june 29th
it's with dykes yall

i ride bikes yall
now with tikes yall
cuz the wife claims its mine
same blood types yall

grog said...

Poor ole JB.
FUNK WHIZ

Eric the infrequent said...

Holy crapstick, 16.5 miles on a fatbike? I feel like a total wimp now. I can't help it though, icy conditions just scare me.

Anonymous said...

How to play Just the Tip with your beik mechanical

Yeah Cleveland! said...

For the first 20 yrs of my life I was Yeah Cincinnati and I feel some clarification is needed. The snot-cyclist obviously isn't a native Cincinnatian because he is lacking the requisite Kentucky/West Virginia hybrid drawl and unibrow. The beard is standard issue though. Also a native with a car wouldn't be riding a bike as transportation.
And Cincinnati averages 11 American inches of snow per year so a fat tire bike is unnecessary. He's just showing off. ( For comparison Cleveland averages 68" of snow/yr.)

Anonymous said...

I can't help but appreciate the irony of the obama fixie uselessly stuck on the rocks next to the water which hasn't risen due to global warming...

Anonymous said...

#glacialfacial4life

leroy said...

Ride safe, stay warm all!

I anticipate a weekend spent trying to convince my dog that he can't change his name to "Velocipedal Fury" just because some gerbil may claim it.

What's wrong with "leroy's dog" anyway?

The folks at witness protection okayed it.

dop said...

That E3 Harelbike poster reminds me of what t6he panty liner said to the fart:

You are the wind beneath my wings.

Angry Beaver in Miramichi said...

I sure hope slob, err, I mean, snob, interviews one of the surviving Velocipedist's, cycling so healthy, what with all of the pedaling and drugs, Babble's crashes excepted, that I'm sure there's still plenty of them around.

The guy in the black hoodie, all he needs is a sickle and he'll be the Black Death for Halloween.

The "it was this big" guy in the quiz. All of the answers are wrong. He's in an ad for a male enhancement drug.

Vibrating bikes, not touching that one with a 10" pole.

trama said...

I quit biek riding to commit full time to gorging on border Thai dishes.

E.T. the Extra Testicular said...

Uma cum home.

Comment deleted said...

Road biking *isn't already* a full-blown sexual fetish? Coulda fooled me.

STG said...

The fat bike is WAY overkill, even a normal MTB would be. He'd save a lot of time, money, and effort with a single speed cyclocross. I've been commuting and winter training on mine the last few years, where we've had above average snowfall, and been fine. I rode in the snow storm last saturday, up to piermont and back. And yet I see fat bikes out in prospect park on dry days. Why? Also, ever hear of goggles or neck gaiters?

STG said...

IE its 16 miles to the GWB from my apartment, and at a comfortable pace it doesn't take me any longer to ride that on 32mm cross tires than it does on my road bike.

Freddy Murcks said...

Snob - I don't know where you learned to spell, but I am pretty certain that it's "Mario Cipollini's tarck bike."

Top o' the Class said...

I graduated Uma Cum Louder.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

"Tranny Chaser"

Ello-elled that one big time.

Actually any type of frame mounted chrotchal cooling system would be redundant on a recumbent. By nature of the rider's position his or her's crotchal region is already oriented optimally for inrush of cooling air.

In cooler temps one must remember to take steps to mitigate this cooling effect or resort to the the racer's newspaper in the jersey for fast descents method of windblocking.

Don't ask me how I know this.

JB said...

Why are fat bikes out in non-snow/sand situations?

Because if you buy a fat bike and don't ride it (and rave about it), everyone knows that you wasted your money.

If you ride it all the time (no matter the weather, and rave about it), then everyone just suspects you wasted your money. It's a "beyond a reasonable doubt" thing.

Also, I got a blood transfusion from Cipo and was somehow brought back to life. It's great except for the syphilis and mandatory shirtlessness.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

I bet the CCOKDDP can poppa mad wheelie.

Anonymous said...

vsk said ...

Grandee Fredno.

Thats good spondee.


Live Long and Prosper.



vsk

babble on said...

Um, I'm sorry, but what's the problem with a full blown sexual fetish, anyway? It's a good thing, right?!?

babble on said...

A jar?? A jar. I am supposed to pack along
a jar of chocolate sludge, and then the whole club has to stop for me whilst I pull out the spoon I have to drag along too so I am not wearing chocolate for the rest of the ride?!? Oh now THAT sounds like an excellent plan.

Tom Hanks said...

Sexual fetish?

THERE'S NO TOE LICKING IN BICYCLING!!!

Anonymous said...

Snobbie, I'm pretty sure that Velocipedal Furor is a guinea pig

Anonymous said...

STG - I am proud of you

bad boy of the north said...

Holy Toledo,Snob....a wee bit early,huh?or am i a wee bit late!?waiting for the thaw in an artisinal beer palace somewhere in dutchess county.

crosspalms said...

Good to see John McCain getting some exercise. Phone home, dude, phone home.

Anonymous said...

En té cas, moi je ne suis pas dans le premier dix.

bieks said...

In defence of Señor Snotcicle, he did say he's an engineer, which entitles him to geek out on the gear. He either has a venge-schmenge for summer riding or he rides the fat bike year round just cause it looks "cool".

or he rationalized:

Fat Bike = More effort + less wind

∴ Fat Bike = warmer commute.

ken e. said...

MORE SOFT
LESS BGRS
RIDE SAFE

McFly said...

I hope the Butt Bike Race flyers keep-a-comin' and by the time we get to the Two'er Day Franz we will have ramped up to a Two in the Pink One in the Stink scenario.

Unicycle Fredrikson said...

Snobbie,

Why no commentary re the forthcumming 'Direct Drive Apocalypse?' All the signs are obvious, the death of the deraILLeur, an invention brought to Earth by epo abusing EuroTrash, is immanent.

Snob. Are you a closeted antideraILLeurite? All the signs are there. So fess up.

Jeb said...

Well ain't that that slicker than 'coon hound's coat! A feast fit fer a king in a jar. I've been haulin' my victuals 'round in a ol' Coleman cooler, strapped with Duck Tape to my rat trap rear rack, but that there newfangled tasty treat is gonna free up some space fer another beer or two... I done wonder if it don't come in possum flavor?

Shocker said...

Shocking

Old-timer said...

Lanterne Rouge?

P. Sagan said...

E3 HARELBEKE Advert ...

Dat A$$

Jan! said...

I don't think I would commute in -17 degrees Communist, but this reaction to the cold commuter is quite typical:

"That is a long drive. He should put a motor on the bike and that way he could pedal just the parts that are stop and go in town."

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Why Oh Why Did I Leave Ohio said...

I'll be the first to point out the frozen elephant in the room. The glacial-facial dude is clearly English, from Eric The Chamferer's neck of the woods. One can only imagine how rough a part of England it must have been to make him want to move to Cincinatti...