(In certain parts of the world this is considered "NSFW.")
Expect three weeks of thrills, chills, and over-sentimentalizing the death of Marco Pantani.
(Rapha celebrates a cyclist who pushed the very limits of his hematocrit and then exploded his heart with cocaine.)
Meanwhile, here in America it's Bike Month, which means cyclists are now worth 50 points to drivers instead of the usual 25--and if the cyclist wasn't wearing a helment you also get six bucks off your next oil change at Jiffy Lube!
Just make sure you get your activation code from the "investigating officer" (that's a good one) at the scene of the "accident."
It's also Bike To Work Day in some cities, which means your co-worker will most likely show up at the office with a giant sweat stain on his back after having sixteen near-death experiences and swear to never, ever do that again.
More importantly, it's been something like twenty years since I've proctored a quiz, so I'm administering one herewith. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right that's great, and if you're wrong you'll see bicycling safety.
Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and if you're racing in the Giro d'Italia watch out for pink sheep.
--Wildcat Rock Machine
1) Fill in the blank:
The effects of human-induced climate change are being felt in every corner of the United States, scientists reported Tuesday, with water growing scarcer in dry regions, torrential rains increasing in wet regions, heat waves becoming more common and more severe, wildfires growing worse, and forests dying under assault from __________________.
--"intergalactic space Freds."
(One of the world's most recognizable skylines.)
2) The taxpayers of Columbus, Ohio are being bled dry by three (3) underused bike racks.
3) What is Hal Ruzal pointing out?
--The sagacity of locking your frame and both wheels
--The sartorial elegance of riding a bicycle that matches your shoes
--The third set of bottle bosses that qualify this as a "gravel bike"
--He's demonstrating how easy it is to steal a bicycle by picking the lock with his fingernail
4) What is this rider doing?
--Signaling a turn
--Being alerted to an SUV in his blind spot
--Earning $20/hr as a mobile WiFi hot spot
5) What is the US dollar value of a single Fred?
--(LIBOR/100) x (retail cost of bicycle) √ (π) x (6.02214129(27)×1023 mol−1) + (PEMDAS-3)
6) According to a recent review, the above mountain bike tire excels in wet, sloppy conditions thanks to its large volume and ample side knobs, though it tends to queef air under hard cornering when run tubeless.
I had spikes on my helmet and a Doctors Without Borders jersey.
You were wearing grey shorts and your rider number started with 654 (Charity Blue!).
We followed each other for a bit.
I sang to you briefly.
You said something about the music I was playing (Arcade Fire).
You pulled off to the side at the bridge peak, and we waved to each other as I passed you...
And then you appeared in front of me as I passed you again, like some crazy magic trick.
I looked for you at the finish line, but, you know, needle in a haystack.
7) Dork-O-Rama! Gotta be the:
***Special "Metal Detection Is The New Strava"-Themed Bonus Video***