This Just In: This Blog Has Been Tweaked Slightly For Better Performance On Gravel!

Firstly, please note in your Palm Pilots that I will not be posting on Tuesday, May 13th, but that I will return on Wednesday, May 14th with regular updates:

Before you start complaining, I'm officially giving the day off work tomorrow as well, so if anything you should all be thanking me.

You're welcome.*

*Oh, also, here's a column Bicycling just posted, so if you don't read it until Tuesday it's like I'm not even gone!

Secondly, are you as fascinated by me as I am by myself?  No?  Then you won't want to read this smugness profile of me on Transportation Alternatives's propaganda website:

(That's not really the picture they used, I'm just being hilariously irreverent.)

Actually, it's worth checking out even if you don't find me fascinating, since I'm the very first person in New York City, if not the entire United States, ever to put a child on a bicycle.  That makes my insights into the subject hugely important.

Speaking of putting the childrens on the bicycles, shortly after the photos in the above interview were taken I removed the child seat from the Big Dummy and replaced it with a laterally stiff yet vertically compliant "kiddie kockpit:"

And yes, of course it's crabon, because I don't fuck around:

We're both enjoying the new hop-on-and-go setup, which feels quite liberating after that big Dark Helment-esque hunk of plastic:

Seriously, tell me that resemblance isn't uncanny:

See that?  It's totally without can.

While we're on the subject of bicycle modification, let's talk about tire customization:

As you no doubt recall, last week we learned how to make a "Big Cunt:"

Now, a Tweeterer has succesfully used the same process to make a "Cunt King:"

@bikesnobnyc your blog inspired me! Not to go riding but to engage in tire based profanity. Is this the new tube pad? pic.twitter.com/YJC4QoFcB7
— Si D (@Devon_Walks) May 12, 2014

Inspiring indeed.  That's what I'm here for!  You're welcome.  Again.

It just goes to show that, as I always say, you can make a mountain out of a molehill, and then you can make that mountain into a cunt.

Meanwhile, in Dublin, the police found a bomb just hours before the day's Giro d'Italia stage finish there:

It is unclear whether the race was the intended target.  Nevertheless, Giro organizers graciously offered local authorities the services of their "special investigator:"


Their offer was declined.

I was also surprised to learn that there's still a Tour of California, and Mark Cavendish has won he first stage by a "tire's width:"

A few minutes passed, and then Cavendish broke into a big grin and the hugs began — the photo finish showed he’d edged the charging Degenkolb by a tire’s width. Moreno Hofland (Belkin) rounded out the podium in third.

“To be fair, I won Milano-Sanremo by 10 centimeters before,” Cavendish said. “I’ve lost a sprint in the Giro d’Italia by three centimeters. Both of those, I knew the outcome. This is the first time in my career I really had no idea. I had to wait a little bit until they confirmed.”

Alas, Cavendish doesn't specify the exact distance in this case, so we have no idea what kind of tire they actually mean.  Are we talking a typical road racing tire, or are we in mountain bike territory?  Seems to me that's an important distinction, and I'd like to think if it's the latter that VeloNews would report that he won by a "Big Cunt."