I only learned what it meant yesterday, but already it's clear that it's the driving force behind the American culture. Consider this woman, for example, to whom I was alerted by a reader, and who wants $6,000 so she can marry her bicycle:
Of course, the first thing I did was show this to Mario Cipollini, and as we watched it together he had only one question:
(Spoiler alert: she doesn't.)
So what do you get for sending this kook on a bike trip? Nothing! Well, you get some shitty art or something. Scoff if you will, but this "puffery" shit works, because she's already made over $1,800--which, I might add, she gets to keep even if she doesn't make her fundraising goal:
The power of puffery is formidable indeed.
Then, while still reeling from that, I saw the following Tweet:
.@bikesnobnyc you should ask the Whitney if they can put your AYHSMB rim in the Biennial, like they did this copycat: http://t.co/Yl5cOAhxDJYep, someone put some stickers on a fixie wheel and made it into the Whitney:
— Alan (@akgerber) February 28, 2014
Not only that, but the New York Times said she's "revitalizing abstract painting" in the process!
“Untitled,” 2013, by Laura Owens, one of the women revitalizing abstract painting.
Wow. Firstly, what's abstract about this? It's a fucking wheel. Secondly, can you imagine what the critic who wrote that would think if she saw the Fixed Gear Gallery? She's probably shit herself in amazement.
Of course, as the Tweeterer astutely points out, this is a total ripoff of the world-famous and iconic "All You Haters Suck My Balls" wheel, which I first posted about way back in 2008:
(Photo: "Sucka Pants")
So basically, she totally ripped it off, and her only artistic contribution was placing the wheel in front of a hastily-painted banner that looks like it was based on a pair of Jams:
It should be noted, however, that the above is merely a detail from "Untitled" (she couldn't even be bothered to come up with a title!), and here's the complete work:
Which is also a total rip-off, in this case from "Pee-Wee's Big Adventure:"
Which in turn was a Hitchcock parody (well, that scene was, anyway), and thus the snake has devoured its tail.
By the way, she doesn't just do aero wheels, and she's also flirted with box section rims:
Hmmm, now where have I seen paintings like this before?
And that's how you puff your way into the Whitney.
And now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right then whoop-dee-doo, and if you're wrong then you'll see the days when cycling had style.
Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and may your puffery be fruitful.
--Wildcat Rock Machine
PS: Buy a hat, you lowlives.
(Is this the new doping?)
1) Among pro cyclists looking for a competitive edge, EPO and blood transfusions are out, and __________ is in:
--Foraging for herbs
--Drinking horse semen
2) These guys are:
--Demanding Citi Bike in Harlem
--Protesting Citi Bike by preventing people from using the station
--Launching a Kickstarter in order to complete the half-finished DayGlo conversion process on that sweater
--Taking this armoire, and that's all there is to it
3) Urban sombreros are out; urban teepees are in.
4) A rider is suing Citi Bike for $15 million because:
--The bikes are too blue
--Using the system caused him to become impotent
--Using the system caused him to lose his senses of taste and smell
--A Citi Bike station in front of his townhouse reduced the home's value by $15 million
5) Why is this woman smiling?
--She got her bike back
--She feels fantastic about being a Portlander
--She interacted with a homeless person and lived to tell about it
--All of the above
("He was giving me the thumbs-up but he didn't really mean it, and that's when I soiled myself."--The Driver)
(Conan O'Brien's doing triathlons now?)
7) A triathlete will get a tattoo on his ass if you buy him a bike for an Ironman.
***Special Cycling American Style-Themed Bonus Video***