Friday, February 28, 2014

BSNYC Friday Fun Quiz!

"Puffery."

I only learned what it meant yesterday, but already it's clear that it's the driving force behind the American culture.  Consider this woman, for example, to whom I was alerted by a reader, and who wants $6,000 so she can marry her bicycle:

 

Of course, the first thing I did was show this to Mario Cipollini, and as we watched it together he had only one question:


(Spoiler alert: she doesn't.)

So what do you get for sending this kook on a bike trip?  Nothing!  Well, you get some shitty art or something.  Scoff if you will, but this "puffery" shit works, because she's already made over $1,800--which, I might add, she gets to keep even if she doesn't make her fundraising goal:


The power of puffery is formidable indeed.

Then, while still reeling from that, I saw the following Tweet:
Yep, someone put some stickers on a fixie wheel and made it into the Whitney:


Not only that, but the New York Times said she's "revitalizing abstract painting" in the process!


“Untitled,” 2013, by Laura Owens, one of the women revitalizing abstract painting.

Wow.  Firstly, what's abstract about this?  It's a fucking wheel.  Secondly, can you imagine what the critic who wrote that would think if she saw the Fixed Gear Gallery?  She's probably shit herself in amazement.

Of course, as the Tweeterer astutely points out, this is a total ripoff of the world-famous and iconic "All You Haters Suck My Balls" wheel, which I first posted about way back in 2008:


(Photo: "Sucka Pants")

So basically, she totally ripped it off, and her only artistic contribution was placing the wheel in front of a hastily-painted banner that looks like it was based on a pair of Jams:


It should be noted, however, that the above is merely a detail from "Untitled" (she couldn't even be bothered to come up with a title!), and here's the complete work:


Which is also a total rip-off, in this case from "Pee-Wee's Big Adventure:"


Which in turn was a Hitchcock parody (well, that scene was, anyway), and thus the snake has devoured its tail.

By the way, she doesn't just do aero wheels, and she's also flirted with box section rims:


Hmmm, now where have I seen paintings like this before?


And that's how you puff your way into the Whitney.

And now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz.  As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer.  If you're right then whoop-dee-doo, and if you're wrong then you'll see the days when cycling had style.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and may your puffery be fruitful.


--Wildcat Rock Machine

PS: Buy a hat, you lowlives.


Thank you.








(Is this the new doping?)

1) Among pro cyclists looking for a competitive edge, EPO and blood transfusions are out, and __________ is in:

--Foraging for herbs
--Freebasing caffeine
--Huffing gas
--Drinking horse semen







2) These guys are:

--Demanding Citi Bike in Harlem
--Protesting Citi Bike by preventing people from using the station
--Launching a Kickstarter in order to complete the half-finished DayGlo conversion process on that sweater
--Taking this armoire, and that's all there is to it







3) Urban sombreros are out; urban teepees are in.

--True
--False





4) A rider is suing Citi Bike for $15 million because:

--The bikes are too blue
--Using the system caused him to become impotent
--Using the system caused him to lose his senses of taste and smell
--A Citi Bike station in front of his townhouse reduced the home's value by $15 million







5) Why is this woman smiling?

--She got her bike back
--She feels fantastic about being a Portlander
--She interacted with a homeless person and lived to tell about it
--All of the above






("He was giving me the thumbs-up but he didn't really mean it, and that's when I soiled myself."--The Driver)

6) In Portland, flashing an ironic thumbs-up actually qualifies as "road rage."

--True
--False





(Conan O'Brien's doing triathlons now?)

7) A triathlete will get a tattoo on his ass if you buy him a bike for an Ironman.

--True
--False





***Special Cycling American Style-Themed Bonus Video***

113 comments:

samh said...

AYHSMB

Anonymous said...

Late Podes !!


vsk

Anonymous said...

I feel like a portlander.

Anonymous said...

hmmmmmmmmm

cycle

samh said...

Or for the O.G. "All You Haters Suck My Balls".

Anonymous said...

Taking up space!
vsk

Stu Rasmussen said...

early for once

jayteepee said...

I'd have been on the podium, but I ran out of FRS.

Spokey said...

10

Anonymous said...

8===D ~ ~ ~

JB said...

Marrying your bike?! Why buy the cow...

cervicalgia said...

Podium.

Anonymous said...

OK, now having been properly read.

I thought this chick was actually going to marry a Beloved Bicycle built by Beloved. Now I could see her copulating with a US$5,000Mixte.

I actually saw someone off Bowery Lock Up a Beloved bike outside some coffee place. ??? Hhmmm? Maybe she's one of those evil one pacenters.

Nice plug for bicyclepaintings dot com. She is awesome and does nice work.

Happy Friday !!

vsk

Anonymous said...

Here is some text.

Yeah Cleveland! said...

No.

Bryan said...

Dude, you didn't scroll down enough - for 1500, you get a nude of the bride. Though she could save us all 1500 and at least just take her top off...
Maybe if you send her a BSNYC wool cap she will in return send you something?
If you send me a BSNYC cap, I promise NOT to send you a nude pic of me...

Blog Drafter said...

"And that's you puff your way into the Whitney."


How.


Enjoyable week, Snob. Ride Safe.

trama said...

Not good art at all, quit hasty and shitty, as best described by one anonymous viewer: "whoop-de-doo"

peggy said...

would someone send me 87$ American to pay my cable bill? thank you

McFly said...

Girls with thick hips and small tits hold a special place in my, as well as many other of my counterparts, heart.

There is no doubt she has "made" over $1800.

I wanna go after that grass skirt with a weedeater.

Buffalo Bill said...

I thought firemen were supposed to be fit. I guess in Tucson the standards are a bit lower, or should I say puffier?

Anonymous said...

Doping by breathing xenon? Seriously?

It's a noble gas. It won't do shit because it isn't going to react with anything in your body. It wouldn't be any different than breathing any other non-oxygen gas like helium.

However, I predict it will become popular with masters racers shortly. Xenon is extremely expensive, so it must be better than other noble gases like helium or argon.

I do like the guy in the Velonews article saying it might be carcinogenic because radon is. These are the people coming up with doping policy? Radon is a noble gas, but it's radioactive. That's why its carcinogenic.

Roille Figners said...

Puffery is the only thing keeping the economy going!

balls™ said...

I really prefer a fluffer to a puffer.

JB said...

"Taking this armoire, and that's all there is to it."

Gold, Snobby, gold!

ge© said...

Oh shit, those ARE the armoire guys! Gold snobby, gold!

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 2:07pm,

I was quite taken by this part of the article:

“There was talk of carbon monoxide being a good stimulant for EPO production. We heard that a team in the last year had been experimenting with that, and that’s similar to Xenon in general terms. We thought it was probably a bad idea to try and pursue the idea.”

I think experimenting with carbon monoxide inhalation will thin the Fred ranks considerably.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

crosspalms said...

If they're noble gases, they should have titles. Prince Argon. Viscount Radon. Xenon, warrior princess.

Anonymous said...

Guy Smiley? Really?

Anonymous said...

I want to flirt with the box section under that green skirt.
She has to leave the outfit on, though.

Can't you just hear the plastic blades of grass rustling agin one another as you gently bang her on the rainbow comforter?
She looks like a clinger though...have a fake cell # at the ready.

3G said...

First, dude's lawyer is named Guy Smiley
Second, he was NOT wearing a helment
Third, HE'S FROM CONNECTICUT

Serial Retrogrouch said...

...crosspalms, i'm buying your royal puffery.

BamaPhred said...

Dick Pound....

I quit taking whatever it was seriously

But the blogulation was seriously funny

Enjoy the weekend

Serial Retrogrouch said...

...wait, coconut tits shows a GT sitting next to her (and is almost seen fondling Mr. Steele), then on her page is a Surly. Is she already cheating on her fiance?

Edward said...

You should totally write more art criticism. I don't know if you've ever read ArtForum but my god what a load of crap. They talk about art the way bicycle reviewers write about all that over priced component shite.

streepo said...

ich bin ein portlander!


Roille Figners said...

Holy shit, Jams? Take these broken wings mothertrucker! Highway to the daynja zown! Who's Johnny?

You know, it's not every day in this universe when someone takes a piece of art from the Whitney sesqui-scranal or whatever, compares it to some surfer shorts from '86, AND THEY LOOK JUST LIKE IT. I'm just happy to have been able witness the moment.

Roille Figners said...

to

Dave said...

100% ON THE QUIZ!

Snobbie, its lowlifes, not lowlives. Sorry to correct you.

Anonymous said...

Do they listen to what they say - "we cannot control cars, but we can control ourselvers". Is he fucking stupid? A person can only control themselves on a bike? You lose complete control of all motor skills when you drive? If so, you should not be driving you idiot.

I feel better now, that was very therapeutic.

ge© said...

Okay JB, that's a little trippy (and it's not wednesday). Did not see your comment before I posted. George doesn't like it!

sarah said...

I was hoping for more of The Shark, but I see we've moved ahead to Suck My Balls. The sweet sound of (forward) progress?

Roille Figners said...

MIRK PERV

Seamus Rostropovich said...

My commute was so cold this morning, I couldn't feel my balls when I touched them.

WIZ !! JAY said...

I swear that is Cipo in the Huffy commercial. Yeah, he's wearing a shirt, but it's unbuttoned, he tanner than his khaki shorts, and that friggen hair - talk about puffery!

Fixed Bubble Chick said...

If I only had a bubble for every blow ...

Anonymous said...

Someone should tell that Huffy fred that his unbuttoned shirt flapping about like that completely ruins the Aerowind's aerodynamic properties.

Other than that, he's incredibly cool. He could supplant Cipollini!

JB said...

Nice ge(c)! I had forgotten about that episode...

Euro Spondee said...

(Spoiler alert: she doesn't.) That's not a spoiler, it's an anti-spoiler. It means I didn't waste 2:22 (plus all that buffering time) on watching some kooky puffery.

Is one of those "art" wheels a fat bike wheel? Looks like she missed a trick there. Cutting edge my a**

copy, cat said...

Oh, and someone get this man a handkerchief. Wiping snot rockets on your glove and biking shorts: Grody.

Another day in Portland traffic ...

Dooth said...

Sure, I'll pay Lisa to marry her beloved...as long as I can watch the consummation.

babble on said...

Hey heyyyyy... what a great idea! That's it. It's time for a little bit of All You Haters Lick My Pink Canoe art. I'll be a millionaire this time next year. Fer sure.

Crosspalms... LOL! Xenon the Warrior Princess indeed. :D

JLRB said...

no helmeat and no hands - what a puffy huffy rebel

DB said...

I'm back.
Had a cocktail downtown at 1:00. It's what we do in small town mid-America on Friday afternoons.
Early contenders for COD are Jayteepee 1:43, McFly 2:03, Anon 2:07, Crosspalms 2:12, and Anon 2:14.
I'm headed back in for more drinks, so somebody decide.
Have a great weekend.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

I wasn't lucky enough to have an Aerowind back in the day. A buddy of mine did though. Sweet ride when you're 14.

crosspalms said...

DB is having cocktails and I'm still at work? Obviously I'm doing it wrong. At least it warmed up enough today for me to ride.

DB said...

Crosspalms:
Move your family to the other side of the state and I'll have a bar stool set up for you for Friday afternoons.

DB said...

Actually, Crosspalms, let me know if you want a weekend away in Galena sometime. I have connections.

ouabacher said...

I've got my SEE O TWO cartridges, balloons AND cracker at the ready for the racing season. I WILL be on the BSNYC podium. 2014 Y'all!!!!

McFly said...

I was from the JAMS Era......suckers were pretty pricey. WTF were we thinkin? I also had a pretty sweet SWATCH. In the Banana Republic colorway.

It got stolen in gym. I dont wanna talk about it.......

Anonymous said...

If Lisa would have stroked on that tire just a little bit more some Stans sealant may have oozed out of the stem.

B.B. Envy said...

Grass Skirt's ridegroom is called 'Steel' and Steel's bottom bracket is oh so tiny. I guess it's not how beefy it is, it's how you use it.

leroy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
leroy said...

My dog wishes to point out that an attorney can also be America's Favorite Game Show Host.

The multi-talented Mr. Guy Smiley.

Ride mutifaceted all!

Dave said...

breathe deep
the gathering gloom
carbon monoxide be my tomb
I'd ride a million miles
for one of your smiles...
something something...

so sleepy...

maybe I should have stayed awake in chem lab...

Pull My Finger said...

I wish my gas was inert.

McFly said...

I hear-tell that back in her college days Lisa would get drunk and go home with a tandem every once in a while.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Wasn't that actually Jimmy Buffett in that Huffy commercial?

babble on said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
DB said...

Congrats McFly at 11:06 for the win.
Everyone was funny today.

Anonymous said...

Meeting Anonymous June 20 for heroin in TriBeCa. All are welcome.

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ouabacher said...

What, no Hyundais?!!!

Yeah Cleveland! said...

Motorized citibike kickstarter. DR and DE now even more miserable.
http://gizmodo.com/how-it-feels-to-ride-an-electric-citibike-1533651538

Cipo, only accept the Genuine Article said...

I don't buy the Cipo quote as being genuine. He always finishes by saying "Lick my balls".

STOP Bogating that Joint said...

Anom@142, Anom@142, Anom@142- stop Bogarting the joint.

tarzan said...

coconut tits, indeed

Charlie Didrickson said...

Wait, what?

Ochin Pakhi said...

Taking up space!
vsk

McFly said...

The tandem had a recumbent room mate. He was only allowed to watch.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Well since we're reminiscing about the old days I guess i'll come clean. Yes I had the swatch. And the jams but maybe they were generic. Better yet I rocked the mullet and the Sonny Crockett jacket with T shirt.

Bikgasm said...

recumbent

re cum bent

it is when male orgasms again before returning to full erection

painful

better for female - cums a second time while bent over

babble on said...

Lol! Daft daft daft... someone please tell me how you consummate such a union. Not consecrate.

RoadQueen said...

Consummation of bike and wife:

SEAT POST

babble on said...

Ouch!! I dunno. I see an annulment in the not-too-distant future...

BamaPhred said...

Swatch? Jams? I had a teenage boner for one of these . I never did get it. For a little more than the price of a Paramount I got a crappy old Dodge pickup. Shoulda got the bike.

babble on said...

OMG! That takes me back. I'd forgotten all about the days of Lacoste polo shirts and white tennis shoes...

You've gotta love the bikes, though.

Anonymous said...

You would look so good in a pink LaCoste Polo shirt and white tennis shoes. A really short one.

Download 300 Rise of an empire said...

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Anonymous said...

Hollywood is an evil force. Starve that beast to death.

JLRB said...

Arizona just passed a law outlawing woman bike marriage because it infringes on freedom of religion of bike mechanics

Sadia Rony said...

Great Post...... Thank you for sharing your experiences.

McFly said...

CLASSIC SEASON IS UPON US! Omlet Hit Newsbad.....Knnuunnee-Brussel Sprouts-Pooone Tain.........Its supposed to snow here again. I may ride in it like the hard men of the peloton. If Babble will put the right images on her blogulation.

babble on said...

Funny, McFly... it's snowing here, too, so I actually do have snowy bike photos to post.

But that's not what you meant, is it?

McFly said...

Well of course that's what I meant. You need to get your mind out of the gutter. That other kind of stuff (T & A) is just degrading and 92.8% of the reason I get on the internet. The other 7.2% is divided between FB (AKA Cleavage.com), How To's, Beiks and the EBAY.

Inner said...

I cannot believe Lisa dumped me for a GT. She said a Niner quenched her carnal desires so deeply.

Giant said...

Imagine how I felt when she left me for a Niner. I thought she would ride my robust down tube until I was ready for the scrap heap

wishiwasmerckx said...

Since it's been a while...

wishiwasmerckx said...

I just thought...

wishiwasmerckx said...

...I might claim the 100th comment.

Anonymous said...

I got #101, which is better than 1st.

So suck my shark fin.

BamaPhred said...

That was a sly tweet WCRM.

Lots of talk today about how bad this "Ukrainian Situation" is. Don't know myself, only Best Picture nominee I've seen is "Cap'n Phillips."

McFly said...

SNOW DAY KIDS! Time for lochs and bagels and then to hook sleds to Honda's.

WORK IS FOR WOOSIES AND LOOSERS AND GIVES HAS BALL CANCER.

holy spoke said...

I clicked on the bret-lobster-workcycles link. I'm supporting creative types without spending any money? And all it took was pretending to be interested in a bike I'm not going to buy because I'm poor, and because I own a car, and because the only times I need to move stuff I also need to move them at freeway speeds.

Is there a more hipstery corner of the internet right now? BSNYC even liked cycling before it was cool.

Roille Figners said...

BamaPhred - dang, where'd you get that photo of Richie & Potsie?

McFly - SHIT I AM A LOOSER

I was shoaled TWICE today, in the rain, on a road where I rarely see another cyclist. Is it th'pocalypse?

babble on said...

Oh dear... I'm a loser too! The kind whose mind is really quite comfortable in the gutter. I always figured that's why we seem to see eye to eye, McFly.

McFly said...

How we gunna see eye to eye when I would incessantly be flanking your weak periphery to pounce DAT ASS?

BamaPhred said...

RF, and any on else who wants to know. Those Schwinn catalog scans come from a link on the Waterford site, I think under Support.

Roille Figners said...

Classic!

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Anonymous said...

Look up S.Mirk in the Portland phone book - there's hundreds of them

Jeff said...

Hat pitch needs more puffery.

Unblocked Games said...

...wait, coconut tits shows a GT sitting next to her (and is almost seen fondling Mr. Steele), then on her page is a Surly. Is she already cheating on her fiance?

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