Just a Fly on the Wall...

Hi.

I have a very important announcement.

This Saturday, November 9th, I'll be at the Philadelphia Bike Expo, Philadelphia's premiere Bicycle Cycling Exposition:

You could leave with a free hat courtesy of the milliners over there in the right-hand margin, and I may even have some blinky lights from the blinky light people to give away too, so be there or be somewhere else.

And, well, that's the announcement.

So did you go bicycle cycling this weekend?  I did, and at one point I emerged from the woods into a clearing and came upon this, which scared the shit out of me:

Though they were probably more scared of me than I was of them, because I was wearing a suit of those "New Road" clothes from Giro.  See, Giro sent me a whole box of clothing to try for some reason, and yesterday seemed as good a day as any, since my plan was to ride for a handful of hours and then go straight to the New York City Marathon where I had plans to cheer on a friend.  Here's how Giro describes this stuff:

But modern riders demand clothes that work the way they ride, clothes for the road, trail, path and park—sometimes all in the same day. 

Well, I was going to be riding on the trail, and the path, and the road, and then I was going to be standing around in the cold in the middle of Manhattan, and I was going to be doing it all in the same day, so the Giro "New Road" clothing would appear to be the perfect choice.

Anyway, having spent most of yesterday wearing this stuff, I found some of it to be excellent, and some of it to be not so excellent.  However, I will refrain from going into specifics until such time as I've had more trail/path/road experiences with all of these garments.

I will say, though, that the "bib undershort" is patently absurd:

Basically, it's a bib short complete with chamois and all the rest of it, but it's designed specifically to be worn under "regular" shorts or pants or what have you.  To that end, it is equipped with a fly:

Okay, let's talk about the fly.  Most men's underpants come with a fly.  Now, by show of hands, how many men out there ever use that fly?

Yeah, this freak, and maybe one other freak in the back.  That's it.  The rest of us just pull the waistband down and do the "Kilroy," which has worked since time immemorial:

Given this, why take a perfectly good pair of bib shorts and ruin them with a fly?  All the fly serves to do is prevent you from ever wearing them on their own, whereas there's absolutely nothing keeping you from wearing the fly-less bib shorts you already have under a pair of regular shorts if you want to hang around after the ride without everyone seeing the outline of your phallus.

Basically, what the "bib undershort" amounts to is a $180 pair of underpants.

Sure, it's not KuKu Penthouse crazy, but it's crazy nonetheless.

I'll also add that those of us who have been riding bikes for a long time know that when your bib shorts get too worn or translucent to ride in you relegate them to under-the-pants commuting duty anyway.

This is the natural order of things, and I don't know what gives Giro the hubris that they think they can change it.

(I do fervently hope though that one day I will see an unwitting Fred wearing the Giro "bib undershort" by itself, the same way you'll sometimes see them wearing their bibs over their jerseys.)

Anyway, after rambling around in the countryside I headed "downtown" to the marathon, and as I waited for my friend I saw one of the runners drop to his knees and propose to his girlfriend, complete with ring and bouquet, which caused every woman within a five-block radius to burst into tears:

As for me, I didn't cry, nor did I surreptitiously fondle myself via the fly of my Giro New Road Bib Undershorts, because I'm made from stronger stuff than that.

Speaking of dubious "innovations," SRAM wants all their hydrolic dick and rim breaks back, because it turns out they suck:

SRAM has asked frame manufacturers to stop selling bikes fitted with recent models of RED22 and S700 Hydro Road brakes over a safety issue.

This really shouldn't make me happy, but it totally does.

Good thing I'm not wearing the Giro New Road Bib Undershorts.

Indeed, between that and Mad Fiber going out of business, it's certainly a sad day for Freds:

Seattle-based Mad Fiber developed a reputation for developing a novel approach to wheel-building. Their first road wheelset weighed 1075g.

Just when it seemed there was no bottom to the market for gimmicky wheelsets costing thousands of dollars, Mad Fiber managed to find it.

Lastly, here in New York City we're about to elect a new mayor, and The New York Times may well have found the most confused guy in Brooklyn:

Leon Katz, 78, brother to Ms. Ventre and Dr. Grossman’s uncle, said the leeway given to bicyclists, along with their lawlessness, had gotten out of control.

“New York has become pedestrian-unfriendly,” Mr. Katz said. “The sidewalks are blocked by scaffolding and vendors. You step out and you wind up in a bike lane. It’s almost impossible now to walk.”

So Mr. Katz is upset because when you walk into a freaking bike lane you are likely to encounter bicyclists, who kill slightly more than zero pedestrians a year.

Yeah, cyclists should be much more responsible, like motorists:


Putz.

He should call Delia Ephron and ask her out.