Friday, November 1, 2013

BSNYC Friday Flat Fix Tutorial At The Local Bike Co-Op!

First of all, thank you very much for indulging me yesterday while I didn't blog.  I'm pleased to announce my Halloween was a tremendous success.  First, I spent the morning getting into my fat suit for my Rob Ford (or, if you prefer, "Ian") costume:

Wow, that guy really needs to switch to decaf.

Decaf crack.

Get it?  Because crack.

Then, I hired a babysitter to watch my kid while I went out trick or treating.  The worst part of trick or treating as an adult is that people try to give you candy, but I'm all like, "Fuck that, make me a sandwich."  Then they're like, "What kind of sandwich?" so we go back and forth, and they have bologna but not turkey, or they have white bread but not rye, and inevitably I lose my patience and barge into the kitchen and do it all myself.

What, you can't stop at the deli on the way home?

Actually, I'm surprised adult trick or treating hasn't become "a thing" in Brooklyn yet.  It seems like a perfect opportunity for douchebag foodies to go from house to house sampling each other's experiments in home pickling and seasonal aioli.

In other news, 2012 Giro d'Italia winner Ryder Hesjedal has admitted to doping:

Between this and the confirmation of the Rob Ford crack video it's certainly a difficult week to be a Canadian, but Hesjedal wants you to know this was all in the past and that you shouldn't hold it against him:

“I have loved and lived this sport but more than a decade ago, I chose the wrong path,” Hesjedal said in a statement released by his current team, Garmin-Sharp. “And even though those mistakes happened more than 10 years ago, and they were short-lived, it does not change the fact that I made them and I have lived with that and been sorry for it ever since.

He then went on to say:

"Oh, yes, I'm so sorry I doped more than a decade ago, which is conveniently two years past the eight-year statute of limitations on doping offenses.  Did I mention this was more than a decade ago, as well as more than 10 years ago, and that a decade is 10 years?  Yeah, they're the same, 10 years and a decade, wasn't sure if you knew that.  And whatever you call it, it's way more than eight years.  You could also call 10 years a generation, or even a tenth of a century if that makes it sound longer.

"Oh yeah, I'm sorry I was part of the 'dark past' of cycling.  So what's this 'dark past?'  Well, it's a bit of a moving target really, but suffice to say it's the period immediately preceding the current statute of limitations.  Coincidentally though we all cleaned up just a little over eight years ago, and the sport's all better now.  That's why I was able to win the Giro d'Italia.  I swear on Jonathan Vaughters's sideburns.

"Also, I was totally going to tell the public earlier, but it slipped my mind until this Rasmussen book came out, and I'd like to thank him for reminding me."

Good for you, Ryder Hesjedal.  Thanks for your bravery and honesty.

Lastly, it's been almost a week since Lou Reed died, and the media is getting desperate for stories:

One time Lou, Howard and I rode down 22 floors in the fully mirrored small elevator together. 

Wait, that's it?  You were in an elevator with Lou Reed once?  Who cares?  Why was this even published?  HE WAS IN MY FUCKING DOG OBEDIENCE CLASS, FOR CHRISSAKE!  But you don't see me blabbing to the Times about it.

I mean, sure, I blab about it here, but this is my blog, and nobody reads this shit anyway.

(That's the fucking dog he brought!!!)

I've about had it up to here [indicates forehead] with everybody goddamn it, so get the hell outta my driveway.

And now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz.  As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer.  If you're right that's great but try to get over yourself goddamn it, and if you're wrong you'll see the next must-have gravel bike accessory.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and remember, kids: crack is wack.

--Wildcrack Rock Machine

(An improperly installed valve cap.)

1) When installing a valve cap, always tighten by turning:

--Neither clockwise nor counterclockwise as they are a press-fit system
--Do not attempt to service your own valve caps, as they have exact torque specifications and should only be handled by a professional mechanic with shop-quality tools

2) What is this man doing?

--Shouting "Not again!" because his bike has been stolen
--Dropping a watermelon on his friend's head
--Indicating the size of his "schvantz" to a passing female in an attempt to entice her upstairs for coitus
--"The Robot"

(A giraffe.)

3) A giraffe is:

--An ungulate
--An undulate
--An unguent

("The male Eurotrash puts his genitals in here...")

4) These two men are explaining a pair of $500 cycling shorts which feature a bag for your penis and testicles so you can hang them out in the breeze while you ride.


5) "It's a bird!  It's a plane!  It's..."

--"Portrait Man!"
--"Sketch Dude!"
--"Olive Loaf!"
--"The Second Annual Portland 'Breaking Bad' Theme Ride!"

6) In Portland, crabon bikes literally grow on trees.


7) David Hotard is the inventor of:

--The Hotard
--The Leotard
--The idiotic prosumertarded Fred commuter bike with a washing machine for a front wheel, sponsored by SRAM, who are now evidently in the business of throwing their money away
--The "Winky Dinky Ho Cake"

***Special Art and Culture-Themed Bonus Question (Not Safe For Work If You Work In The 19th Century)***

The statute of limitations on pornography is 75 years, after which it automatically becomes art.



babble on said...

Goooooood day!

Anonymous said...

pod. i. am.?

Olle Nilsson said...


recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Aerodynamically unchallenged

CommieCanuck said...

Yeah, we're pretty much stoned up here all the time.

Jasper said...

Early doors

babble on said...

Right? It's so hard to be Canadian.

Euro Spondee said...

Some of the regulars need to get out more

babble on said...

Dope is only for Canadian DOPES! Sorry. You guys have some kindov nasty war on drugs. You can't have any.

Flyover Bike commuter said...

Too much time spent reading, rather than sprinting to the finish

Serial Retrogrouch said...


africansingle said...

Robs "The Knobs" Fords is actually Jacob Zuma in disguise. Fact.

Marcel Da Chump said...

Crack the top ten?

Marcel Da Chump said...


Poppa Wheelie said...


Anonymous said...

Top X [and read it] ?

Kung San Gwi said...

Giraffes are delicious!

dnk said...

Rob Ford is a politician for the U.S.A.!

Anonymous said...

Robs Fords is just little irritable because he didn't have his afternoon fix.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

100% on kwiz. I am awesome!

"Winky Dinky Ho Cake" -that made my day. Then I guessed correctly on the statute of limitations question. That made my weekend.

Have a great weekend Wildcat et al.

Comment deleted said...

I still can't get comfortable with the juxtaposition of the words "Robs Fords" and "crack".


Serial Retrogrouch said...

winky dinky hotard cake

dnk said...

Just watched the Rob Ford "get off of my property" thing. At the end of the vid when he takes off in his SUV it looks like he is driving on.... wait a minute.....

Is that a gravel road? In the capital of Canada? Is Toronto the capital of Canada? What state is it in?

I am so confused. But I think Mr. Fords needs a gravel bike.

mikeweb said...

There was a 'Breaking Bad' theme ride?? and I missed it?!?!

My buddy and I were going to go as Badger and Skinny Pete...

fukkin' innernets.

P. Bateman said...

anyone else think that rob fords house was a bit ...not very nice? i just assumed it would be nicer.

i guess assumptions make an ass out of u and me after all.

have a good weekend.

my captcha: YouHigh i am not. but i hope to be later. give me an 8. give me a ball! whats that spell? fun time.

Big Science said...

Excuse me. That "fucking dog he brought" would be Laurie Anderson.

Serial Retrogrouch said...

fill in the blank:

watch out guys, he doesn't drive _________.

Serial Retrogrouch said...

don't get run over, guys.

have a nice weekend all.

Northofforty said...

Ottawa is the capital of Canada,Toronto is the centre of the Universe.

samh said...

I did not read this shit anyway.

dnk said...

P. Bateman,

Indeed. I was actually thinking how quaint it was that the mayor lives in what looks to be a modest house on a gravel road in a subdivision that looks like it has seen better days (circa 1975) instead of a mansion.

But then I thought maybe the mayor is spending his money elsewhere...

Ian from Etobicoke said...

You guys should leave me..uh, Rob Ford alone, he is awesome, I. uh, he even will buy a gravel bike..

Synonymous said...

I would have podiumed, but I couldn't stop clicking "True" to the last question. Thank you, Mr. Snob, for your work in valve cap awareness. It seems I've been using black caps instead of red. Are red ones made of crack?

mikeweb said...

Say what you will about Canadia and Robs Fords, but if that press gaggle was that aggressive with the mayor of New York, or any other large U.S. City for that matter, the police/ Praetorian guard would have half of them in zip-tie cuffs face down on the pavement and bleeding from multiple orifices.

And yeah, Fords house does sorta look like where a crack smoker would live.

CommieCanuck said...

You people are ignorant. The capital of Canada is Canada City. Ford was carrying his traditional Canadian festive garb under his arm, the gravel bike was INVENTED by Jacques Gravelle, and we typically go to crack houses and use glass pipes to smoke harmless tobacco. That's just how we roll.

Olle Nilsson said...

Crack and Escalades are expensive. That's the best house he can afford - on a gravel road. Then there's the touch up paint.

CommieCanuck said...

Y'all need an infographic.

Fred Nifacent said...

We got Marion Barry, you got Robba the Fords. Almost 25 years later and nothing changes except the location. Kinda sad

dnk said...


Thanks for the edification via the helpful infographic.

I actually knew all of that stuff about Canada. Except the thing about Canadians having evolved with a fully functioning pancreas. I did not know that one.

I've been to Canada, you see, like 6 times. I've been to New Brunswick, New Foundland, New Scotia --- basically, I've been all over the newer parts.

So yeah, I know it pretty well.

CommieCanuck said...

anyone else think that rob fords house was a bit ...not very nice? i just assumed it would be nicer.

He lives a block away from my parents (that's actually true), and that dump has been an eyesore for years. He tried to buy the small park next door for a pittance from the city to build an MC-Hammer style mansion, but the pesky press got wind of that.

Also, his neighbors will tell you the police got called to that house a lot, and that his wife, Renata, would not be seen for days without big hats and sunglasses. This guy is an ass-hole.

Only now or retarded CDN media is waking up to the fact that maybe they should have gotten off their double-double donut-filled asses and vetted this guy at some point.

mikeweb said...

Huh, McFly seems conspicuously absent.

My guess is that he's having a hard time with the last question in the quiz.

A very hard time.

CommieCanuck said...

We also have TWO kidneys.. I know, stupid, right? Must be a public worker union thing.

Comment deleted said...

Thanks for pointing that out, mikeweb.

Is that Rollie Fingers?

(Clearly not "fingers").

McFly said...

Speaking of Nature Sex and naked women on bikes, sugar-britches and I are going on a MTBing Monday via Playing Hooky.

I am putting Do Her In The Woods on my phones calender for Monday around 11ish.

Man that dog was super-obedient. THose classes must have been thorough.

dnk said...

Wasn't there a TV show popular in Canada some time ago in which reporters came to the U.S. and asked "man on the street" questions to very embarrassed Americans, like what type of government does Canada have? Do they have a Congress? What is the capital? Etc.

RoadQueen said...

Podio congrats to Babble, Anon and ge! XO

Was totally confused on the bonus question.

Especially after I answered it correctly. Whew.

Hope everyone has a good weekend, I know I will now!

Yarpo said...

Red Nipple!
Red Nipple!
Red Nipple!

Babble with two Friday Victories in a row! Smooch-fest, flowers, bad-velvet-painting-prize-to-be-left-behind- under-the-team-bus, and tear-jerking rendition of, "Canada Uber Maple."
Allez!, Allez!, Allez!

Anon 11:51 and ge, a hearty congratulations and ethereal fist bumps.

WIWMx3, congrats for Wednesday belatedly because this blog was blocked at work by the Stalinist IT Overlords protecting me from the word, "scranus."

Red Nipple!

mikeweb said...

In honor of Robs Fords I changed my photo back to what it used to be.

It's a shot of New York's annual cocaine shipment arriving at the container port when I used to live across the street from it.

Not as hefty as back in the 'Studio 54/ 51' days, but still pretty substantial.

McFly, you should set this to be the alarm sound on your phone when that calendar item comes due.

babble on said...

Thank you! All kisses and bad velvet welcome here....
Canada? It's a total mess. Time to leaf it bloody well alone already!

McFly said...

Will Do. Its only going to be 62. Not sure if thats warm enough for cracktivity. Maybe.

Almost forgot...I remember when this comment section used to be blahblahblahZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

JB said...

Are you sure you were in a dog obedience class with Lou Reed? Because I'm pretty sure that was an SNL sketch back in the 90s.

leroy said...

Aced the quiz. Ride safe all!

Anonymous said...

"Great Lakes Hybrids Sponsored Tractor Pull at Farm Progress Show 2012 Boone"

the next suggested vid after the $500 shortz

mikeweb said...


62 seems pretty green light-ish to me...

And remember what famous man once said: "A man who chops his own wood is warmed two times".

He was totally talking about doing it in the woods.

Freddy Murcks said...

God post today, Snob.

As for that sniveling fuckface, Ryder Hyeshdoll (or however the hell you spell his name), I don't know when he gave up the dope (if he in fact has), but the doping sure as hell was not an isolated incident and Mr. Hyeshdoll was well schooled in the dopage long before Rasmussen claims he taught him how to dope. Ryder and known doper Roland Green, who was Ryder's "training" partner, went on an epic run from about 2000 to 2003 when they basically won every single MTB race that they entered. It was unbelievably obvious then that they were on the dope. And it is the understatement of the year to say that Ryder is being a little less than fully truthful in is "confession."

348 enttut

babble on said...

LOL! Totally. Besides, doing it is the best protection there is against cold, bar none.

Anonymous said...

Costume worked for the second time. Tight pants FTW. Fuck the world.

R. Crumb approved physique

Anonymous said...

Forcing a dog to live in the city is about as cruel as making a goat live there.

babble on said...

Too bad. I would have loved to have seen a hotlink of you in yer hotpants.

Pisstank said...

All You Rob Fords Smoke My Crack

RoadQueen said...

Molecular Friction

Anonymous said...

Wow, looks like Robs Fords lives on a gravel road, lets go ride it!

Anonymous said...

In other news, a reader found a nice Look road bike rider in her bush!


Abe Vigoda danced in a wombat suit at the Phish show last night!!

Olle Nilsson said...

Everyone enjoy your weekend full of nonstop art appreciation.

Dustcap said...

Would an American gravel bike even work in Canada as I believe the stones up there are metric.

Anonymous said...

Robs Fords likes to party, that seems to be his only redeeming quality. I also hear he is a pretty good dancer.

Anonymous said...

better link...
R. Crumb's ideal woman

I am attracted to women like this. Not exclusively, I like delicate ones, too. I feel like society does not approve of this pairing, as I am lean and fit, and look "better" with a lean partner.

I have been listening to this song a lot....
If you want to be happy

grog said...

Feeling the need for a tutorial on proper use of the nipple wrench. Help me.


Mr Plow said...

Say what you will about Canadia but Davinci's Inquest was an awesome show.

Anonymous said...

Say what you will about canada (cold as balls, they talk funny, all the wimmens can kick WIWM's ass at arm wrestling), but Trailer Park Boys is an awesome show.

FUBAR is pretty good as well

Road Queer said...

Winky Dinky Ho Cake!

How did you know?

Dooth said...

One more Lou Reed lyric:

Now who is that knocking
Who's knocking at my chamber door
Now could it be the police
They come and take me for a ride-ride
Oh but I haven't got the time-time
Hey hey hey she's busy sucking on my ding-dong
She's busy sucking on my ding-dong
Aw now do it just like Sister Ray said

Olle Nilsson said...

Dustcap, you blew my mind. I referred to my copy of Zinn and the Art of Gravel Bike Maintenance and an American gravel bike will work in Canada provided you swap out the tires for ones with a metric tread pattern. Plus, swap out to a metric water bottle cage and you're good to go.

bon said...

great job!!!

crosspalms said...

ge and dustcap,
Don't forget about the French threads.

Anonymous said...

Ixnay on the adultay ick-or-treating-tray -- Portlanders can hear you!

Oh and, OF COURSE Lou Reed has a Jack Russell. It's the perfect Lou Reed dog. You don't see it?

So WC Rockmanstein, you were there -- can you tell, is he all
1) "Oh jeez someone's taking my picture, better try to look like a badass real quick," or
2) "I am genuinely annoyed that even in dog obedience class some fanboy wants to take my damn picture"


RCR said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
RCR said...

I meant to say nice reference to Hollywood Shuffle. Winky Dinky Dog!

JB said...

Roille, in NYC the natives won't recognize a celebrity. But starting at the second obedience class, everyone, including Snobbsy, wore eyeliner.

Anonymous said...

"anyone else think that rob fords house was a bit ...not very nice? i just assumed it would be nicer. "

That's a $3 million house.

Anonymous said...

And the funniest comment of the day goes to.....

CommieCanuck said...

Say what you will about canada (cold as balls, they talk funny, all the wimmens can kick WIWM's ass at arm wrestling), but Trailer Park Boys is an awesome show.

My Halloween costume this year was Trevor, dressed as Julien.

What's really amazing about TPB is that most episodes have no script.

CommieCanuck said...

That's a $3 million house.


crosspalms said...

Maybe he meant the white stuff in the bag hidden in the garage.

leroy said...

Dear Mr. Anon 1:40 --

My dog respectfully disagrees and wonders if you have tried finding a really good slice of pizza in the suburbs.

Or a good Chateauneuf-du-Pape to accompany it.

He will concede you can get a decent Chianti just about anywhere.

CommieCanuck said...

Those empty KFC buckets in the garage have a 25 cent refund, so that's gotta by half a mil at least.

Lumpen Fredetariat said...

Robba the Fords bringing out the best in the commentariat...
@Roille Figners I was thinking it was funny that Lou Reed seemed to have kidnapped the His Master's Voice dog

crosspalms said...

I have to say after watching that video, Ford seemed very polite. He must have said "thank you" 20 or 30 times.
Fitting somehow that he has a brother Doug. Is his middle name Dinsdale?

Ethel the Frog said...

Yes, but has he mastered sarcasm?

Anonymous said...

Do you order a pint of beer in a Canadian bar or do you ask for a 500 milliliter size? If they do serve pints is it Imperial or US? How does one stop it from freezing if one lives in an igloo? I must get out more.

CommieCanuck said...

CP,"the definition of a Canadian is the the guy that says sorry when you step on his toes in an elevator". I think Peter Ustinov said that.
We're too fucking polite.

Olle Nilsson said...

Crosspalms, right, French threads are a major issue and a difficult modification. Contrary to popular belief, a commie-red paint job isn't required, but will improve your speed descending.

wheredg: I dunno robot-killer, wheredg?

Anonymous said...

"That's a $3 million house.


$4.5 mill in vancouver

Anonymous said...

"CP,"the definition of a Canadian is the the guy that says sorry when you step on his toes in an elevator". I think Peter Ustinov said that.
We're too fucking polite."

PU also said Toronto is like New York run by the Swiss.

Anonymous said...

I love Halloweek. Here in the smug PNW, the pagan ritual lasts at least 4 days.

Bikes, costumes, parades, dancing in the streets.
I was dancing in the streets with some hipsters I know: fucked up haircuts, normally wear shants, ride touring bikes with like 4" of headset spacers, fucktarded handlebars, etc. But they musicians/artist types, and go to good parties/house shows, so I can excuse their corny bike setups.
I kinda had my eye on the r.crumb amazon woman, but wasn't fully decided.
The woman my costume worked on last saturday, saw me in the crowd and said hello. I guess I shouldn't say that the costume alone wooed her, as the last halloween party was the second night we had spent together. It was much better than the first. She is my age, italian, roman catholic of course, carrying 30 extra pounds, but wearing them well, IMO. She is not conventionally attractive, but I think she has a sexiness to her. She's quite smart and interesting to talk to, good cook, and seems happy-ish being single, or at least not desperate to be in any relationship.

I could tell she wanted me to "hang out" with her, and her middle aged friends. I just said hi, good to see you, maybe I will run into you around town, and kept dancing with the hipsters/amazon woman.
This is not the first time we have had awkward encounters in public.

A few minutes later I got a text. It was a selfie nood from a 22 year old I have been seeing. I met her at a campout party in the summer, when a mutual friend tried to set us up. I was honestly kind of offended by my friend, when I met her, because I am higher on the 1-10 scale than the girl is. I will have sex with women less attractive than I am, but I don't consider them for LTRs. Moped joke.

I could tell she liked me, but was in mixed company, and don't normally try to advertise my compulsive behaviors among my peer group. I talked with her a bit platonically, but slept in my own tent. The next day, my friend asked if I could drive her home.
I ended up taking her to this secret waterfront spot I know, and we banged on a rocky bluff overlooking the water. She told me she had never done it outdoors before. A buddy on one of the corny sit on top plastic kayaks, with a beard and those toe shoes paddled by. This is the kayak equivalent of a recumbent.
We went to my house and spent a few hours together, and tried several things she had not experienced before. Afterwards, I immediately regretted it, as she was obv googoo gaga over me. That is what young girls do: fall hard for doods that fuck them properly. Or at least not like dumbass 21 year old boys.
I told her she was too young for me. Couple days later I met the 21 year old stoner chick, who is much hotter.
I ran into the 22 year old about 2 weeks ago, when I was picking out songs at the jukebox at the bar. It was awkward as I was making moves on a woman visiting friends from Seattle at my table. I felt bad, as I was politem but abrupt.
I texted her a few days later, sorry I am a jerk. And explained I did not want ltr, but am attracted to her, but don't want her to fall for me, but if you want to fool around, hit me up. Obv she did.

The selfie was very flattering. Standing side profile taken in the mirror on her wardrobe. One leg up on her bed, her ass and thighs looked fantastic, perky titty peeking from behind her iphone. Her head was cut off a bit, for propriety, but you can see for neck, jawline and hair, which are some of the my favorite parts of a woman. I wondered how many pics she took before she was happy with that one?
-happy halloween!
-not ready to take my costume off juuuuussst yet.
-I'll be anticipating it when you do. so don't disappoint. (she is terrible at talking dirty)

Anonymous said...

Yeah but maybe when a politician says "thank you" it means "fuck you."

Anyway if Canajuns are polite then please stay that way since I'd hate to see you become like this great unwashed backwoods jerkwater neck-tattoo-having "outta my way faggot" hinterland down here in "Canada's Kuku Penthouse"

Anonymous said...

Oh Jesus

crosspalms said...

Peter Ustinov! I haven't thought of him in years, which is too bad, he was very sharp and funny.

Anonymous said...

There are, then, nine kinds of union according to dimensions. Amongst all these, equal unions are the best, those of a superlative degree, i.e. the highest and the lowest, are the worst, and the rest are middling, and with them the high 1 are better than the low.

There are also nine kinds of union according to the force of passion or carnal desire, as follows:



A man is called a man of small passion whose desire at the time of sexual union is not great WIWM, whose semen is scanty, and who cannot bear the warm embraces of the female. Those who differ from this temperament are called men of middling passion, while those of intense passion are full of desire.

In the same way, women are supposed to have the three degrees of feeling as specified above.

CB said...

Both Rob Fords and Jacob appear to live on gravel roads. Coincidence? I think not.

leroy said...

Dear CJ --

My dog asked me to inform you that a bicycle blog comment section is an inappropriate venue in which to publish your letters that Penthouse Forum rejected.

Have you considered submitting them to the editors of Highlights for Children?

He's confident that would get you the attention you desire.

He also asked me to remind you about that brevity is the soul of wit thing.

McFly said...

Like so:
December 2013 Bicycling the Magazine Issue. Page 35. Find her.

Anonymous said...

OK, rode bikes to a house party. Was pretty mellow, mostly sitting around a fire in the backyard telling jokes. I talked with the amazon about Jared Diamond and Ishmael, human population growth, Malthus, etc/ She had some interesting insight on pagans.

I learned she had bike toured in South America. I've been daydreaming about a motorcycle trip along a similar route.

She's in a band, and I have actually seen them before and enjoyed myself.

She's moving to Idaho for seasonal work the next day.

I compliment her on her costume. OWN THAT! You look good.
Do you want to make out? She does.

We ride bikes back to my house. She has a Bianchi Volpe cross bike, with bar end shifters and plastic bucket panniers.

I stop by the corner store on the way for rubbers, but it's after midnight, and fucking corner stores don't stay open that late in this stupid backwater. SRSLY! There are somethings I miss about NY, and that is one.

She was on her period, anyway. I am not really deterred by that, but she did not seem comfortable so did not push issue.

One more DMX lyric:
Aiyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!! C'mon!!
Uhh! Uhh-HUH!
But they don't hear me though
Uhh, but they don't hear me though
Uhh, but they don't, they don't, they don't, they don't..

I got blood on my hands and there's no remorse
And got blood on my dick cause I fucked a corpse (C'MON!)
I'm a nasty nigga - when you pass me nigga look me in my eyes (WHAT!)

Sketch Dude said...

Fuck me, Portrait Man!
I'm Chamois Juice!

Anonymous said...

So in eight years or so we can be entertained by Snob's fun and colorful stories about his doping past, assuming he hasn't blow up his blog to cover his tracks by then. I'm pretty sure I'll forgive him.

I like the new Friday Format, keep it up, Snob.

wishiwasmerckx said...

CJ, draw me like one of your French girls...

Much love...

The real Chamoisjuice said...

So I went to this Halloween Party to which I was not invited. I tried to talk to some ugly girls, but my Aspergers kept kicking in, so after being shot down for like the 20th time, I locked myself in the bathroom and dumped a load of knuckle babies. I cleaned up with one of those fancy guest towels you aren't really supposed to use.

Then I went home and cried myself to sleep, my face buried deep in my pillow on the fold-out sleeper sofa in my Mom's basement.

may or may not be wishiwasmerckx said...

A man of small passions? I have learned to eat pussy like a motherfucking riot.

Dustcap said...

Thanks guys. I just hope my PSI calibrated pump is compatible with tires that are probably marked in KPA.

Olle Nilsson said...

There's a whole lot of TL;DR going on in the comments section lately. Will have to take your word for it that it's CJ since I always ignored CJ comments (CJ;DR). My gnat-like attention span could never make it through these Bob Loblaw comments anyway.

Robot Terminator: GloNpu - scariest thing I've seen this haloween.

Mario's albino tadpole said...

Did anyone else want to see Rob Ford kick one of those obnoxious photogs asses?

I know that ford is an asswipe and that all you sheeple love to pile on after Snob rips him... But its obvious that those "reporters" are trying to make him snap so they can hopefully entice him to rage.

Reporters are just one level higher then scumbag lawyers.

Anonymous said...

She IM'd me while I was working on the corporate campus master plan, wanted me to do a simplified view with just the building outlines... I was like....YES, then I was like, do you know who Tommy Dorsey was? She said yes. BONE ZONE

Comment deleted said...

Heh, Mario's albino tadpole called us sheeple. He must be cool.

Nah, I wanted him to run one over with his Escalade, though, and in the ensuing chaos, shoot a cameraman between the eyes. Does that count?

Anonymous said...

Props to beantown for winning the world series, six short months after an horrific bombing...but as a new Yorker it seems terribly unfair that six weeks after 9/11, Mariano Rivera blows the save in the seventh game against the was like we had a death in the family & no one gave us pity sex...not that i'm a yankee fan


Anonymous said...

It helps that the Boston bombing was fake.


Anonymous said...

That picture was obviously taken before he choked on his vomit

mikeweb said...


Was this one of the buildings being outlined?


Anonymous said...

i'd hate to see it angry

Anonymous said...

LOL (which I only use when it's true)

McFly said...

I hear the shower running. Guess ima hafta go into riot mode myself.

Mario's albino tadpole said...

Comment deleted...

Yep, you appear to be one of the sheeple I mentioned.

Not to can still contribute to society by providing wool and mutton chops..

Poppa Wheelie said...

Asshole at 7:23.
Gimme a fucking break.

Anonymous said...

Why no comments on:

-Lou Reed's dog and his Snob connection
-That doping Canadian
- That most awesome NSFW porn shot for the bonus theme question (true answer)

What, are you all that fixated on Robs Fords?

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Olle Nilsson said...

Anon 9:11pm

Someone said Lou Reed/dog thing was SNL sketch
Talking about doping in cycling is about as pointless as arguing helments for the millionth time, but was mentioned
NSFW quiz answer was discussed too (guilty)

Oh, and Dustcap, we're pretty bipolar with the whole metric/imperial thing up here so you'll get by with PSI, or bar (1 bar = 100 kPA)


Out with the old shepherd, in with the new.


George said...

Re Rob Ford - you might not be surprised to learn that that driver's door window tintng such as seen on Mr Ford's car is illegal in Ontario.


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babble on said...

Kisses to annonyseuss for


that pod i am that pod i am
i do so like that pod i am

would you like it here, or there?
i would like it anywhere

would you like it in a bus?
or even with a rhinoceros?
yes! on a bike,
in a bus, even with a rhinoceros
i would like it here and there
i would like it anywhere

babble on said...

Mmm... art. Thanks, snobbers.

babble on said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dustcap said...

Hey there now ge. I'm not bipolar, I'll have you know I'm a heterosexual and that I live below the arctic circle. I am very fearful of the metric system though. It's a slippery slope from quantifying things by using 10 as a base (Pass me that 1 & 15/16th socket will you.) to being taken over by Socialist style government. Give them an inch and they'll take a 1,000 metres

Anonymous said...

I just got here (and had a shower, I feel like a new lady) and it is very, very strange to be back. I feel conflicted about it, but things will be great this winter. Everything is a little better with a positive outlook.

Wow, that is big news. What prompted the research? And while it may be a bit shocking at first, now you have an understanding about what may be going on in your head and a direction to go in.

Thanks for the links. I had a good chunk of time to think today, and Collapse was one of the many things bouncing around in my head. Also, I am generally not easily offended. You piqued my interest about this Crumb character. I will give it a shot, I can't promise I will be able to finish it, though. That book I was telling you about is called "Not in His Image" by John Lamb Lash, a very fitting name for an author who has such animosity for Christianity. Naked ski video, oh my! I can't wait to get to a computer. Maybe it will give me some ideas for patrol this winter.

It was nice to meet you, as well. It is refreshing to meet someone who has intelligent thoughts and can carry on a conversation about the fall of hunter-gatherer culture. And then can follow up with a sly "want to make out?"

Hope your day was good other than wading through research and deep thoughts. Off to brush up on the endocrine system and emergency childbirth in the field... Whew.

Sleep well.

BamaPhred said...


Independently verifying Snobs cat paw experiment.

I have no idea what my cat just typed, but it's paws work fine on an iPad.

Comment deleted said...

Allow me to bleat out this wonderful character summary of Toronto's mayors:

"He's never had a grip on reality. There was never a gravy train. The people that were seduced into believing that this populist had some sort of intelligence behind the drama failed to understand what the drama was," City Councilor Adam Vaughan said. "The drama was a profoundly dysfunctional person who kept failing upward. It's sad that it's come to this. It has hurt the city." (emphasis mine, because that's an excellent burn).

Anonymous said...

leave your lazy comment, like i'm leavin' mine

babble on said...

Today should be declared the highest of holy Fred days... the multitudes were out en masse this morning, worshipping at the two-wheeled altar of health and happiness.

I had NO IDEA there were so many of us!

Anonymous said...

real comments

usuckin 40

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Anonymous said...

When did Rush Limbaugh become Mayor of Canada

Anonymous said...

Hehe This Girl maybe ride with me, and give me some wine for my sandwich. Next time I made my sandwich on bike naked :D

Sandwich making on bike:

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