Wednesday, October 30, 2013

It's Wednesday! Live, Damn You, Live!!!

Firstly, there will be no post tomorrow, Thursday, October 31st, but there will be one on Friday.

If you need to know why I'll be absent tomorrow, it's because my Halloween costume is a guy who doesn't have a blog.

Well, either that or Kim Jong-un, I haven't decided:


But either way, you can't blog in North Korea, so no matter which costume I pick I'm going to have to refrain from posting.

Secondly, let it not be said that this blog isn't a great repository of technical wisdom, for further to yesterday's post the commenter known as "Recumbent Conspiracy Theorist" posted this:

"A Comprehensive Comment About How To Remove And Install Your Valve Caps"

1. Insure that your bicycle is placed on a flat clean area preferably a paved surface. It may be necessary to support your bicycle by its kickstand or suitable workstand if available. Performing valve cap maintenance while under the influence of drugs or alcohol may result in injury. Always wear safety glasses when working around compressed air. 

2. Locate the valve stem.
Beginning at either the front or rear wheel of the bicycle locate the valve stem. It may be necessary to rotate the wheel slightly to gain access to the valve stem. If at first the wheel appears to not have a valve stem do not panic. continue to rotate until the valve becomes visible. It is often obscured by the chainstay or seatstay tubes in the rear or the fork legs in front.

3. Remove Valve Cap.
Valve stems are configured in one of two ways. Department store and children's bicycles most often use larger diameter Schrader valves. Performance oriented bicylces such as road racing, touring and competition mountain bikes commonly employ narrower Presta valves. As far as the scope of this comment is concerned it should be noted that the operation of the valve cap is the same regardless of stem type. Valve caps may be colored plastic; most often black but other colors such as red, pink and gray may be encountered. Caps may be anodized aluminum or other metals even dice caps can be seen in a variety of colors. Again the shape, color or material of a valve cap makes no difference in its operation. The valve cap is located at the top of the valve stem closest to the hub. 

Note: Commit this simple rhyme to memory so you can always be sure as to which direction to rotate a valve cap: "Lefty-Loosey Righty-Tighty"

Grasp the valve cap between the thumb and index finger and gently twist counter-clockwise to loosen. Continue to rotate the cap until it is removed from the stem.

At this point any stem or tire maintenance such as thread polishing, tube or tire change or inflation/ deflation can be carried out. Repeat the above procedure for the remaining wheel(s).

4. Install Valve Cap.

Note: If using Presta valves be sure thumbscrew is tightened down firmly against the end of the stem body. Failure to seat the thumbscrew fully can result in loss of air pressure and prevent the valve cap from fully engaging the threads of the stem body. Schrader valves are spring loaded and no additional steps are required for cap installation on these types of valves.

To install valve caps simply follow the procedure outlined in step 3 in reverse order. Again remember "Lefty-Loosey Righty-Tighty" and installation of your valve caps will be trouble free. Gently rotate the cap onto the valve stem and twist in a clockwise direction. Continue to turn the cap down until resistance is felt. Tighten the cap finger tight only. The soft plastic threads of the common valve cap can be easily stripped from excessive force. Metal valve caps may be tightened to higher torque values.

October 29, 2013 at 1:48 PM 

Suck on that, Lennard Zinn.

By the way, I'm pleased to report that I followed these instructions and they do indeed work.  Now I have the confidence to perform this daunting maintenance task myself, which is going to save me hundreds of dollars a year, since until now I've been bringing my bike into the shop for this.*

Granted, I'll still need them to put air in the tire for me, but once I've truly mastered the valve cap thing I may attempt actual inflation next.

*Also, it turns out most of my bikes actually don't have valve caps, which means I've been riding without them, which means I'm very lucky to be alive.

In other news, yesterday my bicycle commute took me through three (3) of New York City's boroughs, after which I came to the following conclusion:

People are fucking idiots.

I mean really, just total fucking morons.  It's tempting to try to say one particular group is dumber than another (for the sake of argument, let's just say drivers), and it's also tempting to say one particular type of driver is dumber than another (I'm looking at you, Presbyterians), but all of that is ultimately counterproductive, and it makes much more sense to lump every single road user into one of two groups:

1) People who are trying to kill themselves;
2) People who are trying to kill someone else.

Then there's me.  I don't fall into either of these groups, because I am a solipsist.  Specifically, I am a metaphysical solipsist:

Based on a philosophy of subjective idealism, metaphysical solipsists maintain that the self is the only existing reality and that all other reality, including the external world and other persons, are representations of that self, and have no independent existence

In layman's terms, this is called "being a New Yorker."

Anyway, I know I'm the only person who really exists because it seems like every other cyclist in the world is so uncertain of his or her own existence that they must constantly confirm it by means of social networking apps such as Strava--although sometimes even that's not enough and you just need a minivan with a cameraman hanging out of it:


I have a feeling someone's about to launch a Kickstarter campaign:


I also have a feeling that the video for this Kickstarter campaign will have me in the background, and that it will consequently fail because I am an albatross.  (And a solipsistic one at that.)

Speaking of Kickstarter, for awhile the "cool" thing to do was to invent the perfect bike light.  Then it was all about the perineum-saving saddles.  Now, the hot new trend is socially-networked electronic smartphone-activated bike locks.  Last Wednesday we saw the "Bitlock," and this Wednesday I'm pleased to introduce you to the failed play on words/numbers that is the "Lock8," which I assume is supposed to sound like "lock" and "locate," but is only one "T" away from "lactate:"



You know how it is--you go to the window to gaze lovingly at your bike, only to find it gone:


A clipped lock all you have to remember it by:


So you raise your hands heavenward and cry out:


"Not again!"

Yes, again, you putz.  Why not just bring the bike inside?

Well, why do that when you can reinvent the bike lock?


"Bicycle locks today are really old-fashioned.  They're heavy, poorly-designed, and have terrible value for money."

Bicycle locks are not old-fashioned.  They are timeless.  It's tying one thing to another thing, and it doesn't get much simpler than that.  Saying a good quality bike chain is "poorly-designed" is like saying a drinking cup is poorly designed and then launching a Kickstarter for some form of smartphone-controlled anal rehydration device.  Sure, a good lock has some heft, but they're really only as heavy as the rider is weak, and they're only as poorly-designed as the rider is stupid.  Yes, sometimes thieves actually get through good locks, but mostly your bike gets stolen because you did something dumb, like locked it to a bamboo stalk or left it unlocked for a second while you ran in for one of those hardboiled eggs they used to sell at the register at the corner deli before gentrification.

But no, it's 2013, and your phone is now the solution to all your problems:


"Imagine John could take out his smartphone and locate his bike while the thief is on the run."

Okay, yeah, let's imagine that.  Well, one of two things is going to happen:

1) John will tell a cop, who won't give a shit;

or

2) John will confront the thief, who will bludgeon him to death with a set of bolt cutters.

Oh yeah.  Remember those primitive, poorly-designed locks?  Well, at least you can put them around pretty much any part of the bike you want--unlike the Lock8, which lives permanently in this awkward location:


But it does have an alarm:


"When the thief tries to tamper with the lock, it will trigger a painfully loud alarm."

Well, painfully loud alarms have completely eliminated car theft, so there's no reason to think a bike alarm won't be just as effective.

Oh, and of course as the thief steals your bike you'll get a text you can do absolutely nothing about:


Except leap to your feet and take off like a lunatic:


At which point the cafe manager receives a text informing him that some douchebag has just run off without paying, at which point the GPS locator in the biscotti you just ate allows him to track you, and then he catches you and beats the crap out of you--assuming you've managed to survive the bolt-cutter attack:


But wait, there's more!  You know your friend, the one who actually has a job?


Well, he'll get a text too!


If I got a text that said "John's bike might be at risk!" I'd immediately reply with the words "Tough shit, John."  Incredibly though, this guy is like, "Whuuut?"


And then he gets up and bolts like a lunatic too!


Though unfortunately he forgets to close his browser:


And when he gets back to work he finds out he's fired.

Oh, and what good is an electronically-activated bike lock if you can't share your bike?


See?  John likes to share:


(17:22? That's not even a real time!)

His friend is pleased:


And then John sends her another message:


(Hint: it's his penis.)

No biggie, she's cool with it.


So she bends over to unlock the bike:


Though she keeps the phone in position:


And fires off a shot of her own:


All this from the twisted and sick minds of these two individuals:


Appalling.  Totally appalling.

212 comments:

1 – 200 of 212   Newer›   Newest»
wishiwasmerckx said...

Podium?

wishiwasmerckx said...

Second?

wishiwasmerckx said...

Sweep?

wishiwasmerckx said...

Ok, so that was a dick move, I'll admit...

JB said...

Boo.

Anonymous said...

SELF PIXS

RoadQueen said...

So close to podium...

McFly said...

Cleavage Selfie. Nice, sir. Very nice. WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH ALL THESE UNINSTALLED VALVE CAPS? IS THIS YOUR IDEA OF A SICK JOKE. You are such a story-telling clown.

Anonymous said...

je suis dans le premier dix

McFly said...

Can I drill and tap a Presto valve to make it fit a Schrader Valve? YOU DID NOT COVER THIS. Do they make a hole-reducer for putting Schrader valves on presto Valves?

Comment deleted said...

Ok, so now I need me a smartphone-controlled anal rehydration device.

Goddamn you, Snob.

JamMasterCray said...

TL; DR (until after this post).

AYHSMDB (deceased)

Cavarin 29

Marcel Da Chump said...

Pun lock.

Anonymous said...

I like boobies

Comment deleted said...

SCARD. For the "connected" athlete on the go!

BikeSnobNYC said...

McFly,

You can use one of those presta-to-Schrader adapters and then put a Schrader valve cap on the adapter. (We'd need a new set of instructions for how to install the adapter though.)

Not sure about drilling out the presta cap but I'd pen a letter to Lennard Zinn. Sounds like the sort of thing he'd try.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

JB said...

BUT IT WORKS WITH YOUR PHONE! YOUR PHONE!!!

mikeweb said...

Top 20-ish... and read it. And watched the Lickit video. And laughed. And re-hydrated via my smartphone.

leroy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
McFly said...

Well excuse me while I pick up the pieces of my blown mind.

PS. That girl saw a penis and automatically bent over. You know what they say about girls like that? DATE 'EM.

Anonymous said...

The co-creator dude on the right in the lock-8 bit is like totally stoned.

Anonymous said...

In communist North Korea, blog writes you.

leroy said...

No way am I getting fooled again this Halloween. Last year, my dog promised that if I dressed up like Dorothy, he'd dress up like Toto.

He changed his mind at the last minute and went as Spartacus. I was stuck in pigtails, wearing a blue gingham dress and carrying a little wicker basket.

So this year, I got an ET doll. I'm going to put it on a Citibike basket and tell everyone it's Dorothy Rabinowitz.

And I can still dress up like Dorothy Gale.

Halloween is saved!

P. Bateman said...

did this blog look unusually slick with prosumer level phone images of the weiner and boobs and such today?

got a new graphics monkey there snober

3G said...

This was fucking awesome. The dick shot was the best. HA!

BamaPhred said...

Where's the poster "Gold, Snob, Gold" when you need him?

Smartphone-controlled anal rehydration device

But only the crabon fibre version

Oh, and a Halloween Scranus to all.

If Leroy is going like Dorothy I'm dressing as Glinda.

Comment deleted said...

A bike is in trouble! To the Bat Cave!

RoadQueen said...

Ah, selfies. Takes me back to the time I was internet dating. Learned a lot.

Never give out your phone number. Ever. Exchange digits to make communication easier, next thing ya know you got

DICK PIXS

On your phone, and a request for a freaky return favor. Not cool.

poop-scranus-balls-titties-weed-booze

mikeweb said...

The person on the right being viddied on Water St. has a nice mullet.

DB said...

Good one, Snob. Thanks.

Mr Plow said...

I was in a band named THE Solipsistic Albatross. We were super popular except for our millions of fans didn't exsist in a separate reality.

Kenny said...

Hey! Don't be bustin' on the Presbyterians, we invented beer!

crosspalms said...

I love these heart-warming stories of life in the big city.

The link to the painting of Rene Descartes was fun, too. He looks like he knows his way around the Vermeer Mobile.

mikeweb said...

My ride to work today and my pedaling in Central Park at lunchtime was almost totally fucking idiot free.

Except the marathon finish line road blockage in CP was totally messing with my feng shui.

balls™ said...

That post was so great, I want to send it dick pics.

Anonymous said...

snoberiffic blog today there snoboramanator. I was snapping Dickies way back in the day with analog cameras, just stick that bitch down your pants and point and shoot. Dickie! You're welcome.

Regular guy said...

Just wanted to say that I moved this week by bicycle.

I'm not being smug, though, even if I live in the city that runs neck and neck with the smugness capitol of the US for being
bicycle friendly.

I am a little ashamed that I have been living the last few months like a no-account dirtbag who is able to move all of his stuff in two trips with a bike trailer.

Anonymous said...

Hello everyone, I would like to pre-introduce my new kickstarter campain before the official introduction on tomorrow. We have been in the designing staging of a mobile phone app that allows a user to send a text message remotely through the use of a persons bicycle locking application. This will be handy for when in a social situation in which there is interference in the way of desired sexual activities. The perpetraitor of such interference is the target of the message and will promptly vacate the area with the mission to obtain said stolen bicycle reported by mobile app. Our ape is simple, it gives a false message to the perpetraitor of the interference so that they are mislead into thinking that their Budnitz is now stolen. While they are gone, YOU can commence desired sexual or psuedo sexual encounter.
Ant1Cock8lock ^TM will be available soon after receiving 300,000 CAD.
Thanks and have great day.

RoadQueen said...

Regular guy,

But think of all the scratch you saved by not having to rent a Uhaul, etc.

Road Queer said...

MOREDICKPICKSORIMAFUCKINKILLYA!

Anonymous said...

Yeah, RoadQueen. Either stop having a vagina, or stop commenting! One or the other!

crosspalms said...

Since Rand Paul has apparently been caught lifting stuff from Wikipedia and using it in his speeches (which I think means Rand Paul is CJ), I hope he filches that solipsism article because I want to hear this part in his next filibuster:

"Would the last person left alive be a solipsist? Not necessarily. The last surviving person would of course have to confront and accept that his or her consciousness is the only local human consciousness in existence (subject to verification that all other humans have not survived), whereas a solipsist believes that his or her consciousness is the only one in existence regardless of who else, if anyone, is living. If the last surviving person is a solipsist, he or she will believe that even when others were alive, there never had been another thought, experience or emotion other than his or her own."

Anonymous said...

ERRYONE should comment anonymously. If you are funny/annoying, people can tell who you are.

I LOVE FUCKING HALLOWEEN.
One time of year it's OK for men to wear tight pants. Plus you can display your sense of humor and creativity externally.

Although, based on the reactions I have been getting, I think I might start wearing skinny jeans.

Some lady who was not terribly unattractive, but out of prime fertility window, told me "nice jeans". I made the comment about halloween being only time it's ok to wear tight pants, which is kind of funny because I ride bikes a lot, and most bike riders seem to ride bikes as an excuse to wear tights.

"You know there is a point to the tights? They have padding"

Oh, I know all about chamois. What is stopping you from wearing a normal shorts over them, so you don't look like you are making a go for the olympics? People ride bikes in every country in the world, for transportation and excercise. Billions of people can ride bikes without a special outfit.

Then I started rambling about tribalism. How our current society has moved away from defining yourself by family, place, religion, traditional cultural values. In absence of these, people has created new tribes, based on their hobbies. People confrom to bizarre costumes and rules to be a part of these tribes, whether bike riders, or indie rock hipsters. I think it's ridiculous, and I find most bike riders irritating.

She got really mad. I LIKE BIKE RIDERS! I WEAR NEON VEST AND SPANDO EVERYTIME I RIDE.

I had a point to this story.

S. Goodman, copyright atty said...

The post today was awesome!

I assume rct's royalty check is in the mail, right?

IncessantlyWhiningCommentCritic said...

I, too, am a solipsist. Your comments serve only to entertain me. Furthermore, my whining is very entertaining (to me, which is all that matters).

wishiwasmerckx said...

RQ, I am sorry that you are being bullied. Don't let them get you down. Rest assured that your input here is welcome and appreciated.

RoadQueen said...

Anon @ 1:46: Sounds like you needed to send yourself a message using the product that Anon @ 1:41 is pushing.

COCK BLOK

Rhetoricdying said...

It wasn't the drinking cup, but Clean Bottle reinvented (or re-imagined as they put it) the water bottle. Apparently, the creators' dishwasher did a poor job of cleaning the inside of the bottle. If that is the case, why haven't they invented a Clean Cup, or Clean Glass, with a removable bottom?

Comment deleted said...

Agreed, wiwm. But I think that was an ironic invocation of our favorite misogynist griper.

RoadQueen said...

Thanks, WIWM. The feeling is mutual. :)

Charlie Kaufman said...

"At which point the cafe manager receives a text informing him that some douchebag has just run off without paying, at which point the GPS locator in the biscotti you just ate allows him to track you, and then he catches you and beats the crap out of you--assuming you've managed to survive the bolt-cutter attack"

STOP STEALING MY IDEAS!!!!

balls™ said...

I can imagine tri-dorks actually using anal rehydration, if the device had an aerodynamic advantage over bottles.

Johnny Wad said...

That looks just like a dick only smaller. That girl ain't smiling, she is laughing. She is riding off to that other guys apartment. The one with the big dick.

crosspalms said...

balls,
You just push the tube through the hole in the saddle...

Blog Drafter said...

I always carry a couple of valve stem caps in my toolkit, so I can give them to riders who f up and leave them at home. "Schmucks" I think as I ride away...

Anonymous said...

Johnny Wad,
That's a very murican way of thing about things.. BELIEVE IT OR NOT, BIGGER IS NOT ALWAYS BETTER

Subdivision based on the size of vagina:

The four orders of women, Padmini, Chitrini, Shankhini and Hastini, may be subdivided into three kinds, according to the depth and extent of the Yoni(vagina). These are the Mrigi, also called Harini, the Deer-woman; the Vadava or Ashvini, Mare-woman; and the Karini, or Elephant-woman.

The Mrigi has a Yoni six fingers deep. Her body is delicate, with girlish aspect, soft and tender. Her head is small and well-proportioned; her bosom stands up well; her stomach is thin and drawn in; her thighs and Mons Veneris are fleshy, and her build below the hips is solid, whilst her arms from the shoulder downwards are large and rounded. Her hair is thick and curly; her eyes are black as the dark lotus-flower; her nostrils are fine; her cheeks and cars are large; her hands, feet, and lower lip are ruddy, and her fingers are straight. Her voice is that of the Kokila bird, and her gait the rolling of the elephant. She eats moderately, but is much addicted to the pleasure of love; she is affectionate but jealous, and she is active in mind when not subdued by her passions. Her Kama-salila has the pleasant perfume of the lotus-flower.

The Vadava or Ashvini numbers nine fingers depth. Her body is delicate; her arms are thick from the shoulders downwards; her breasts and hips are broad and fleshy, and her umbilical region is high-raised, but without protuberant stomach. Her hands and feet are red like flowers, and well-proportioned. Her head slopes forwards and is covered with long and straight hair; her forehead is retreating; her neck is long and much bent; her throat, eyes, and mouth are broad, and her eyes are like the petals of the dark lotus. She has a graceful walk, and she loves sleep and good living. Though choleric and versatile, she is affectionate to her husband; she does not easily arrive at the venereal spasm, and her Kama-salila is perfumed like the lotus.

The Karini has a Yoni twelve fingers in depth. Un clean in her person, she has large breasts; her nose, ears, and throat are long and thick; her cheeks are blown or expanded; her lips are long and bent outwards (bordes); her eyes are fierce and yellow-tinged; her face is broad; her hair is thick and somewhat blackish; her feet, hands, and arms are short and fat; and her teeth are large and sharp as a dog's. She is noisy when eating; her voice is hard and harsh; she is gluttonous in the extreme, and her joints crack with every movement. Of a wicked and utterly shameless disposition, she never hesitates to commit sin. Excited and disquieted by carnal desires, she is not easily satisfied, and requires congress unusually protracted. Her Kama-salila is very abundant, and it suggests the juice which flows from the elephant's temples.

Anonymous said...

Kamasutra defines three categories of men in accordance with the length of their penis as the hare, the bull and the horse. In a similar manner there are three categories of women in accordance with the depth of their vagina as doe, mare and elephant. Kamasutra instructs that the equal sexual partnerships are between doe and the hare; mare and the bull and elephant and the horse.
Kamasutra acknowledges that couples with mismatching dimensions will not satisfy each other. The sexual intercourse between elephant with hare or bull, mare with hare or horse and doe with bull or horse have to preferably avoided. Kamasutra insists that there should not be any sexual union between elephant with hare and doe with horse.

Yarpo said...

Congrats, WIWM, WIWM, and of course WIWM...if all three of you are solipsistic then...naw, forget it, that makes my brain hurt. Badly.

Anal Rehydration, cuz' cups are badly designed.

The Lock8 Guys: I don't like their faces.
DICK FOTO

Road Queer said...

Oh Darling Road Queen, please. I am not Mocking or Bullying you. I am queer through and through and it has nothing to do with you, honey.

Anonymous said...

Curb Your Enthusiasm - Big Vagina

LARRY DAVID IS HERO. First shrinkage, then big vagina

Anonymous said...

RoadQueen,

The internets have made sexting too easy. Back in the day you had to send a mimeograph of your johnson in the mail. You don't run your willy through a mimeograph machine twice. At least not on purpose.

Anonymous said...

This comments section has really jumped the vagina

CommieCanuck said...

a few notes...there is no mention of the Belgian method of unscrewing a valve stem using a used, discarded syringe, and this protocol uses AIR, which adds 0.0001 grams over other gases, why not just deflate the tires and carry a lead boat anchor.

Also, that guy did NOT lose his job, as he works for a startup kickstarter-funded company that makes edible woman's deodorant.

RoadQueen said...

Road Queer - *looks skeptical* Promise?

Anonymous said...

Rq/rq: get a hotel already

CommieCanuck said...

Here at CommieTech, we are kickstarter-funded on a new type of bike lock that uses a flexible LED display and wifi. The flexible LED is placed over the downtube decal on the bike and is transparent. Once the thief jiggles the lock, an email is sent to the owner, here he can then send a signal to change the brand of bike to "Scattante", "Nashbar", or in extreme cases, "Trek". Patent pending, so, fuck.

RoadQueen said...

Anon @ 2:38 - Shhhhh.....

CommieCanuck said...

Kamasutra defines three categories of men in accordance with the length of their penis as the hare, the bull and the horse. In a similar manner there are three categories of women in accordance with the depth of their vagina as doe, mare and elephant. Kamasutra instructs that the equal sexual partnerships are between doe and the hare; mare and the bull and elephant and the horse.
Kamasutra acknowledges that couples with mismatching dimensions will not satisfy each other. The sexual intercourse between elephant with hare or bull, mare with hare or horse and doe with bull or horse have to preferably avoided. Kamasutra insists that there should not be any sexual union between elephant with hare and doe with horse.


Yeah, well kamasutra never had access to internet porn.

KAMA STRA

Road Queer said...

Promise.

Anonymous said...

Hey aside from all the chaff, today was a great post. Where's Dale? DAAAAAAAAAAale.....

Matt from Seattle

crosspalms said...

Snob, you may have written about this thing, but I just saw a sales booth for it when I went to lunch. For $1,795 I think you get one wheel of a Segway set up as a unicycle. It's supposed to go 10 miles on a charge. Just another reason we are the envy of the world.

Johnny Wad said...

John Force says there is NO REPLACEMENT FOR CUBIC DISPLACEMENT.

He has like 15 or 16 championships. And hot daughters.

Soryy about your penis, bro.

Dick Trickle said...

It leaks.

Flyover bike commuter said...

How long before we see a sitcom called

"Bike Snob NYC"

on TV,

To be followed by "Bike Snob Miami"?




Anonymous said...

Kama Strava. Post your best.

Dooth said...

I'm just a sloppy solipsist. Metaphysics is beyond my purview.

Neil said...

News from the bald spot in America's toupée. Apparently it's illegal to ram pedestrians with your car.

http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/ottawa/driver-arrested-after-man-struck-in-downtown-ottawa-1.2288516

Anonymous said...

The commentariat would be the live audience! No wait. We're shite.

Anonymous said...

meh... if internets can be trusted I fall in the 75% penile percentile... I have experience harsh cervix bottoming as well as dreaded hot dog down the hallway. HORSES FOR COURSES.

I do think that overall, vagins are a bit larger than penii. So the little guys and the cavernous ladies are out of luck. As evidenced by the low sexual desirability of asian men and black women. Life is not fair.

Where a wrench gets thrown into the works, is when babies get squeezed out of there...

Salty and Sore said...

I read this blog for the humour; I stay for the edjimucation. Today, I learnt three things:

Chapter 1) People are idiots.
Chapter 2) The idiots are fucking; therefore, there is no hope for the future.
Chapter 3) I am a figment of Snobbie's imagination anyway, living in a magical, imaginary land, where recreational weed (Wednesday or otherwise) is totally legal and encouraged, so it doesn't matter anyway.

Hey, did somebody say something about bike secur--Squirrel!

Kai Vallon said...

Those guys are clearly Terminators

President Not Sure said...

All I know is that as long as CJ doesn't procreate, the future will be a little bit better.

Sorry, LIFE IS NOT FAIR.

Euro Spondee said...

Given his approach to women, it would seem implausible that CJ could get to father children. He sure jacks off a lot on here too, depleting his vital reserves even further

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Bikesnob, Thanks for the link to that stimulating reading on solipsism. If it wasn't for you I would't have found my costume idea for tomorrow: Philosophical zombie

Salty you're right. So much to learn here.

Flyover BC said...

I'm a solipsist. But I'm not so sure about you.

Flyover BC said...

I'm a solipsist. But I'm not so sure about you.

Comment deleted said...

RCT: excellent! A very subtle costume which you will end up constantly explaining to nonplussed individuals.

DB said...

The funniest comment today goes to balls at 1:38.

rural 14 said...

Rural 1st!

So funny!

So accurate.

Why cyclists in New York have such contempt for other cyclists..."who's the real OG Brah?" Fook, I hate that language. For sure Presbeteryains from Ohio.

& them guys in the kickstarter ads? 59 years a New Yorker and never a bike stolen yet. But I use me some big chains and the fancy German lock. Skinny jeans? can't run in them, can't get thighs in them without loss of circulation.

I don't have to pretend too hard to be mentally deficient but it's a good deterrent. Try it sometime...the screaming drooling standing too close within the other person's guard, is the best tactic. While you're locking up your bike. Then some darting moments back towards it. No, it comes to me naturally.

babble on said...

Valve caps work under pressure, you know. Imagine your stem breaks or something. You never know... that cap might just save your day.

Stranger things have been known to happen.

babble on said...

Nice sweep of the podium, WIWM! Kisses. XX

BamaPhred said...

Sexting? Is that when you sit nekkid on the xerox glass, make a "copy", and then send a fax, situation warranting, to your object of desire, or contempt? Nah, never did that.

crosspalms said...

rct,
And thanks to you I got to read a dinosaur comic. Cool.

sigstep 24k, my rapper name on the Borscht Belt.

CommieCanuck said...

Imagine your stem breaks or something. You never know... that cap might just save your day.

If the valve stem breaks, the cap will not make any differnce...wait, are we still taking about bike wheels or is this about the pros and cons of circumcision?

FORE SKIN

Anonymous said...

Well, Kim Jong Il has a blog . . .


http://kimjongillookingatthings.tumblr.com/

Hegnawed Hertitsov said...

The Red Skelton was very funny with the solipsistic humor.

Iggy said...

I'm bored
I'm the chairman
Of the bored

Anonymous said...

There is photographic evidence that Snob is confused about this whole "solipsism" thing:

Snob has taken photographs popularly known as "Selfies".

Snob has also taken photographs that can be called "Non-Selfies, i.e. scenics, pictures of man hole covers, etc."

Therefore, more exists than Snob's self.

Thank You.

McFly said...

SRAM X9 shifters are pretty sweet. I have always been a staunch Shimano man but I am slowly being lured to the dark side.

wishiwasmerckx said...

...and pulling in at my customary 100th comment position to nicely bookend my podium sweep.

BOY do I need to get a life!!!

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Good show wiwm!
all three steps of the podio and the century. Well done.

southpier said...

sometimes i find these blog entries a bit odd

xyxax said...

Are these valve caps English or Italian-threaded?
Anyway, I'm getting press-fit caps. Sure, I'll need a valve press tool and have to buy proprietary tubes, but it's totally PRO. And major cool points with the LBS when I bring it in to get the tires pumped up.

Comment deleted said...

xyxax, how aero are the press-fits? Also, weight, please.

Nacnud said...

The electric unicycle thingie has great benefits - a 50% reduction in valve stem cap maintenance for starters!
Wonder what sort of valve stem cap it has?

And the Lock8 - if someone interferes with your bike, it sends you a photo of a dick?

O, brave new world that has such technology in it!

Anonymous said...

DICK PICS
COCK SHOT
TITP HOTO
BOOB LOOK

Roille Figners said...

Many people do not know that a Presbyterian is bourbon & ginger ale. If the barmaid is hot she is for sure gonna hear about it. And then about presbyopia, which is when I warn her that while her tits look great she shouldn't put them too close to my face or they might be too blurry.

BLRY TITS

Anonymous said...

Hi! I know this may be a far stretch, but I'm a student at Boston University and for a class I need to get a large number of bikers to take this survey, by Sunday, for a product idea! Would you mind taking 3 minutes to take this survey? Thank you so much for your time and help! http://bumanagement.qualtrics.com//SE/?SID=SV_eLrHS35g9KdJWm1

Anonymous said...

Were you not at all awkward feeling punching in PENIS PICS in the address bar while curating todays blogulation?
Wait...is that you? Come on bud, it time for some manscaping. You will get longer BJs.

Anonymous said...


"student" with survey is pitching a terrible helmet / lock mashup...what a stupid idea.

Was it a joke? I hope it was - but if not -

Kevlar straps etc.

If you're really a student - your survey seems more like market research for a shitty little hipster company that is doomed to fail.

So much "new design" is a solution in search of a problem.

No lock works too well; complicating them will not make them work any better.

I can steal your bike or most cars within 3 minutes and I'm an amateur.

Lock your bike where you can see it. Bring it inside with you. Get off my lawn. And do something more useful than a bike / lock mashup...how about a cycle powered water pump for rural or unelectrified areas, so people can either have access to water where there isn't any, or in the 1st world, people could put in gardens wiithout having to run expensive underground piping. So you'd have 2 markets - the developing world / and the hobbyist gardener.

Skidmark said...

Why is there no information out there on valve cap maintenance? What might be the effects of valve cap failure? Just to be safe I'm going to rely on the proven polymer wheel technology of my Big Wheel.

Roille Figners said...

The survey needs to let you opt out of certain questions that don't apply. For example when you have never purchased a helmet in your life, you have no "criteria for buying a helmet." Also I believe it's spelled healemenette.

McFly said...

PREDICTION: 24 Hours from now in this comment section.......

SHIT SHOW

DerZoots said...

@ Anon 7:22.

You might want a Harley Davidson forum for your biker management merit badge study.

Good luck with that.




Fuckingrobotcatchphrase: 1087 ndoecot

AYHSMB said...

Sweet Caroline, bahp bahp baaaaa...

The Rook said...

Had to be a 70's era penile photog. Mary Mary, quite contrary, shave that schlong, it's so damn hairy! OOHH! Also, if I gotta listen to Sweet Caroline, I'm gonna clean my ears out with the .38. Just sayin'.

ge said...

Please send your unwanted valve caps to needy North Koreans. They desperately need them. If all your rides are Fred rides, that's all your valve caps, 'cause caps are just dead weight - worse; rotating mass. One caveat: if you do any gravel riding, never, and I mean never ride without valve caps. You could die.

Anonymous said...

why do I hate the red sox

mehitabel said...

My tiller is weirdly affected by this post.

Mario's Albino Tadpole said...

Can a solipsistic be a satanist at the same time?

I must meditate with Lob on this one..



xyxax said...

comments deleted,

Sorry for the late reply. I am currently in one of those Socialist time zones.

I can't really give you a standard weight because I drill the valves out before installation.

You do know about valve stem fairings, no? Super-aero for 50% of each wheel revolution. That alone has gotten me under 2 hours in a 40km TT.

Anonymous said...

When I'm cycling I use a velcro strap to wrap around my dick and balls. It makes it seem bigger and creates a reasonable bulge. If I don't do this, it looks like i have a cameltoe, seriously!

Johnny Wad said...

Just because its big doesn't mean you have to use all of it. I just mark the satisfactory depth setting with a piece of electrical tape on the stem and that way I am prepared for the next ride with no set up.

DICT TAPE

McFly said...

I don't know man, that Open Browser Porn seems a little suspect. If a true lesbian is going to lick a furry crevice, stubbly or otherwise, it's not going to be an armpit.


2130pcpowne ??? Sure.

RoadQueen said...

KITY LICR

Angelina said...

Snobbie
Have you ever considered a career in bike-related comedic manga? I haven't laughed so much in a long time. Nice one or 'onya' as we say.

Angelina said...

Snobbie
Have you ever considered a career in bike-related comedic manga? I haven't laughed so much in a long time. Nice one or 'onya' as we say.

mikeweb said...

Steady McFly, steady...

Anonymous said...

Dang !! Forgot the Halloween Holiday!! vsk

DB said...

Happy Halloween, Folks.

CommieCanuck said...

I'll never question anything again: The Toronto Police say the Robs Fords video exists, and say-it-ain't-so, he's smoking crack with murderers and drug dealers. This morning he freaked out on the press on his driveway...[wipes tears].. it was beautiful man.

In conclusion, unicorns, sasquatch, the Lock Ness monster, and the Queen's dildo drawer. all exist.

CommieCanuck said...

Best headline so far: the Huffington Post, and the "Robbie Horror Picture Show"

CommieCanuck said...

Robs looks very non-plussed.

Mr Plow said...

To all non Bostonians I am sorry you have an inferior baseball team.
P.S. I am not sorry.

Comment deleted said...

Geesh, it doesn't look very good for several of the Robs Fords.

There's a good chance he'll get a stern reprimand from the City Council.

babble on said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
CommieCanuck said...

There's 60% chance he will get re-elected. They don't call it Caronto for nothing.

You have to get perspective: in the 70s, our first lady was shooting heroin with the Stones at Studio 51 in NY.

In the 90s, our Prime Poo-bah beat the shit out of a French separatist protester, and his approval went through the roof.

In the US, some liberal gets a parking ticket and Fox News demands martial law.

babble on said...

CD & CC - yeah, they look a bit like they're stoned on crack cocaine. Bit hot in Robba the Fords' seats today, but you can bet they're not going to follow Ryder's example yesterday and confess their drug use. Prolly cause in the Robs' case, the statute of limitations has not yet passed.

babble on said...

Please please please can we run them out of the country?

RoadQueen said...

Headline from one of the news stories in CC's link:

"Breaking: Rob Ford is now denying the existence of Toronto Police chief Bill Blair"

Sounds like Robs Fords is a bit of a Solipsistic of the Asshole variety.

Anonymous said...

Babble,

You can run The RobsFords out on one condition, you have to do it going north. We already have plenty of crazy down here in Canadia's unsprung suspension. Russia however...

babble on said...

Hmmm... yes, yes I see what you mean. Kk. Russia it is.

Robs Fords said...

YO RoadQueen let me get them cell digits.....

CommieCanuck said...

oh, fuck Ryder Hesjedal. I took down my Lance poster and replaced it with a Hesjedal poster at the Giro, now I'm going to have to buy a digital frame that changes images every two weeks. hmmmm...Let's see..who's that pro tour cyclist who hasn't been doping...?

mikeweb said...

There used to be a hot night club called Studio 54, three blocks away from Studio 51.

The substance of choice at Studio 51 was model airplane glue.

babble on said...

Lol! Yeah, well, I'll take your Lance posters, then, and the Ryder posters, too. Dope is for dopes, (check) and I'm an asshole sometimes, too, so I'll fit right in with the worst of em.

I try to follow in the footsteps of my heroes, but let's face it. Snob's right. Satan rules.

Lance is the poster boy for better living through chemistry. We all do it to some extent. What do you think the shit is that people are feeding their children through Kellogs and the dairy farmer's association? Frankenfood. Every morning is all hallows eve- and unless it's organic, all the sugar in the US and Canada is GMO. How many of us go without even a little of that poison each and every day, and how much of it will our children consume tonight?

Jesus. It's not even noon and I sure could do with a good stiff drink. You see why I ride?

The roads are wet and my legs are dead.

Fuck.

Roille Figners said...

Babs honey you obviously need me to massage those poor tired muscles.

Anonymous said...

Babs, you do realize, if we banned GMOs and pesticides, half of the world's population would starve? This tech was invented to allow more humans to fit on this little sphere than it can naturally support.

Solution to the world's problems begins and ends with less people.

I am doing my part.

Roille Figners said...

Robs Fords may not be depicted on video actually smoking crack but the circumstantial evidence is totally there. Hanging out in sketchy situations with shady people doing things in a way that would WORK PERFECTLY to conceal drugs changing hands if that was your aim. That's not illegal either mind you, but you gotta admit it's patently UN-MAYORLY. "I categorically deny being on drugs, even though I hang out with drug dealers and covertly pass bags back and forth. And arrange hits on people who try to blackmail me, speaking to my contact 7 times by phone on the day a certain person happens to get shot down in the street."

Good job TPS, I suspect you'll get pay raises, or fired, soon.

monkey scranus

Roille Figners said...

McNulty arrives at work to find Landsman perusing the latest issue of "Women's Muscular Legs and Whatnot Especially the Calves" featuring Babble On and says "You wanted to see me?" and Landsman cackles evilly and is like "Not me, the Deputy Ops. He's waiting for you, but thanks for dropping by Jimmy, cackle cackle" and so he goes in there and is like "Sir, I..." but Rawls is like "shut the fuck up and sit down, Robs Fords are breathing down my neck you fucking Irish bastard" and McNulty's like "Sir with all due respect..." but can't get a word in edgewise, takes his ass-whupping and walks out and Bunk is like "You happy now, bitch?"

mikeweb said...

So GMOs and pesticides are like PEDs for food?

Yes, they do allow the planet to produce more food, more quickly in a wider variety of environments, and they also allow farmers from the family farm to the gigantic food conglomarates to conduct their businesses with less risk and higher profits.

In the race to maximize profits, nothing ever goes wrong, right?

CommieCanuck said...

Every morning is all hallows eve- and unless it's organic, all the sugar in the US and Canada is GMO. How many of us go without even a little of that poison each and every day, and how much of it will our children consume tonight?

I hate this ignorant hippie Volvo Socialist bullshit. Without GMO, most of the world would be starving, and don't all live near a Whole Foods to pay $7 for a carrot.

Americans consume a massive amount of sugar through sodas, 50 % drink that crap every day -who's fault is this, oh dear, not the individual, never the individual.

check this shit out.

Bad news: We have been consuming GMO crops for hundreds of years, we're just doing it slightly different now.

CommieCanuck said...

Experts raised flags in the early 70s that warned of mass starvation in current farming unless there was a "miracle" by the 80s. That miracle was GMO and the green revolution.

We can ban all this, but then we need to accept a $30,000 a year food bill, and 1/3 of the planet gets nothing. I'm guess that 1/3 would not be North America. Fuck poor people.

Anonymous said...

For once, CommieCanuck does know what the fuck he's talking aboot.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Wow, "Malthus was right" twice in one week? Whod'a thunk it?

Roille Figners said...

"Without GMO, most of the world would be starving."

All right so instead only 12% are starving, due to shitty economic policy. Anyway, "most people starving" is actually, probably a GOOD thing, since having ALL THESE MOTHERFUCKERS be alive at the same time is NOT DESIRABLE. Homo sapiens isn't special, it's like a particularly successful herd of deer that over-grazes its shit and then dies back.

Roille Figners said...

yep

Anonymous said...

So, is "clockwisey" the same as "righty" in the "righty-tighty" formula?

Anonymous said...

Ha good luck askin these dudes bout bike stuff fella!

RoadQueen said...

Hey McFly, you called it!

SHIT SHOW

Anonymous said...

Greetings.
We are not of this planet.
We do not understand
Your strange customs.
Your planet's ecosystem
Is failing.
Your leaders deny this.
Explain.

Your leaders deny this.
Your leaders deny this.
Your leaders deny this.
Your leaders deny this.

Why
Do your leaders lie to you?
Why
Do so many of you believe these lies?
Explain
Your strange customs.
Why
Believe these lies?

Save the planet.
Kill yourself.
Save the planet!
Kill yourself.

Anonymous said...

http://www.churchofeuthanasia.org/

The One Commandment:
"Thou shalt not procreate"

The Four Pillars:
suicide · abortion
cannibalism · sodomy

crosspalms said...

I think the Fords are lucky their drug buddies didn't pop a valve cap in their asses.

Johnny Wad said...

Trick or Treat

Here's my Meat

Spread your Legs

I'll Hold Your Feet

babble on said...

My trusted friend assures me that one day his valve cap did indeed allow him to get home on his bmw bike when the stem failed at the pump.

Scouts honour.

CC. All due respect, sir, and honestly, tons of it from me to you. We'll have to agree to disagree on the value of GMO. Truth has a way of showing over time. We'll see.

The Monsanto Protection Act was an abortion and a crime against all of us. If I were American I would be up in arms over it. It's clear Obama believes he's a good guy doing the right thing... I just respectfully disagree.

Talk to your stock broker. The bottom fell out of the American wheat market this year because of GMO contamination. Nobody wants that shit.

In the Americann midwest there are real issues with GE-resistant rootworm, so now the "bio-tech miracle" which is designed to make insects' stomach's explode when they eat it (may satan bless the wee bastards who survive) is being dosed with pesticides, too.

Yet word is they serve only organic food in the White House kitchens.

Fucktarded Incorporated.

Anonymous said...

Hey rq, maybe get down off your high horse for one second and remember this blog has a high readership of people from years ago. And we still check in with the comments section to see whose mouth is set to 'yap' mode.

crosspalms said...

Is it lawn-off-be-getting time already?

Comment deleted said...

Anonymoaner, thought you had left us, man. I figure it must get exhausting focusing hate rays on the female posters here, when us guys are every bit as boring sometimes.

Anyway, a cheery "fuck off" to you, my woman-fearing friend ('cause I know you love the dirty talk).

Anonymous said...

Roundup? Taxi for celeb?

RoadQueen said...

I'm kinda wondering if the Anonhater is a female.

In my experience, it's tough to find a male with the pit chops to hold onto a hate grudge for this long with such relentless determination.

Still shakin' that carcass, I see.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous commenters are the soul of the comments...because this blog was started anonymously. Any perceived hate directed at anyone is a result of a commenter using the comments page for social validation; the smugness Snob so viciously attacks. So, Cd, Snob rails against douchebags but who's to say he's not reverting to his anonymous self in the comments page?

Anonymous said...

CD-

I can assure you I am not the only anon poster that vents here. Many of the more offensive and overtly spiteful post are not me. I am more about self aware ignorance, and gloating about things I feel conflicted about. YING YANG.

I usually share in a way that admits some weakness
2. make lists
3. Random CAPITALIZATION
4. links to Pulitzer prize winning back up for my insensitivity
5. mentions a fondness for ethnic foods or customs.

I don't hate women. I love my mom.

I resent Eve for ruining our bucolic hunter gatherer existance 7000 years ago. You do know that the human population had stabilized at about 7-8 million people, for about 25,000 years. That's how many people the earth supports naturally, before we started modifying the shit out of our environment, i.e. making ourselves gods on earth, making Yahweh in our image...
How many people are in NYC these days?

Anonymous said...

I can certainly see why RQ and Babs would be extremely annoying and offensive to women with self respect and propriety.

Anonymous said...

Rq- very perceptive. I am
In fact, and have been all my life. Interesting responses from you all.

Anonymous said...

Props anon 6.17!!

Frilly Chick said...

Ummm, CC, I'm a vegan and I drive a Volvo. I don't consider myself a hippie and am only moderately socialist.

Just sayin'

Anonymous said...

Yes, I agree with me, too!

babble on said...

That's the thing. It's not the anonymity which is the issue. I love hearing from anyone who has something interesting to say. I have tons of respect for CC cause he holds me accountable, and cause he's smart and super funny. Same goes for the good hearted anonymous commenters.

It's the hating, the constant pissing and moaning which wear thin, the anonylame whose only claim to fame is that they've been here longer than the rest of us.

But I am happy to concede defeat where concession is due. Yes anonyhater, you have been here longer. Therefore you are much better than the rest of us recent arrivals.

I sure hope that makes me a better cyclist than you, since I've been doing it longer than you've been alive. Egotistical asshole that I clearly am.

smirk

RoadQueen said...

OK, so here it is:

I still can't figure out why I've got such a fan club. Of the regular commenters here, I post very little in comparison. Including this post, I've commented on this blog post 11 times in over 24 hours, and that was actually a high number for me. I'm normally a 1-2 timer. The occasional knuck tat, or on-topic quip/joke. Occasionally I make an off-topic comment, but in case you haven't noticed, at least 80% of the comments section is off-topic.

My intelligence seems to at least be on par with the other posters, and I generally do not say anything highly controversial.

To say that I'm not 'bikey' enough is completely asinine. The fact is that I come here not just for funny reading material, but also for information about the cycling culture, terminology, parts, gear, technique, etc. The fact that Snob and the commentariat curse and joke while covering these topics is fun and engaging to me. Enjoyment over the reading material aids in the learning process, because if I'm bored to tears, likely I'm not going to retain much of the information that I absorb. The same is true for many people.

Yes, I have other hobbies. So does everybody else. That's not a valid argument. Whether it's reading, traveling, fine dining, wine, hiking, pipe smoking, dogs, cats, playing an instrument, dancing, horses, going to the same bar/pub every Friday night. NO ONE has only one hobby. Usually people have one MAIN hobby, one grand passion that comes before the others, but they do have others, nonetheless.

Yes, I have a vagina. So does almost 1/2 the world's population.

I'm beyond caring what you say, as your perpetual insistence on taking exception to everything I say or do has become a non-issue for me. While I'm not crying myself to sleep tonight, I do still wonder if you can explain, intelligently, why you think that my presence here should be terminated. I am a curious sort.

So....what say you, Anon?

Anonymous said...

Did it need anon to get a celeb to post something good? Yes. And now i must return to my multiple personality and cook eggs.

BamaPhred said...

It's only the beginning.
GMO once meant, among other things, tolerance of Roundup, a glycophosphate herbicide. Not much use when you have new weeds
roundup won't kill

Disease. Antibiotics becoming useless

Never fear, DuPont and Monsanto will ride in and save the day, for a price

Anonymous said...

You only talk about yourself, and your stories are boring.

Tell us about your first experience with an uncircumcised penii.
Or that last time you crapped your pants.
Maybe that will be interesting.

Roille Figners said...

Oh my lord. Don't try to be all earnest with a troll you guys!

Anyway yiz are welcome here, I said so.

Anonymous said...

Yeah way to go Rollie I love you man, you're the best and I totally concur with you on all matters.

Anonymous said...

Me too!

Comment deleted said...

Life is full of PTA presidents, traffic-cop-wannabes and reincarnated Torquemadas. They like to stamp their foot when the world doesn't behave correctly.

Luckily, very few of these sort have license to torture and kill, as ol' Torquey did. In frustration, they write angry anonymous comments and puke up hatred for those who seem to be having too good of a time.

Babs and RQ seem like wonderful people to me. They exhibit a love of life (and very often, of cycling, so WTF? They are as on-topic or more so than any of the rest of us), and a very positive attitude, generally.

Anonymoaner, you need to examine why that pisses you off so much.

Really...just think about it a little.

Anonymous said...

The problem with most "celebs" is they want people to know them and like them. DAGNABIT, we come to this blog to judge people to feel better about ourselves. You are missing the point.

Bike snob was better when he was anon. He didn't care as much about offending people ergo he was funnier.

He hasn't quite reached Dan Akroyd/Steve Martin status of used to be funny.

In some ways, Bike Snob reminds me of Lou Reed. I read a pretty funny interview, Big Brother maybe?, in which the interviewer kept asking questions about Velvet Underground, Warhol, etc. And Reed was getting hella irritated. I HAVE BEEN MAKING MUSIC FOR 40 years since then, and I have a new album out.
"Tell me about "Walk on the Wild Side"
LR stormed out.

Comment deleted said...

Nostalgia isn't what it used to be, CJ.

Anonymous said...

Larry David is seriously my spirit animal.

He has so many good pick up lines. Repeat shit LD says in Curb your Enthusiasm = immediate panty dropper.

I mean, you have to remove the social awkwardness, but the man is genius.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kj8zmNxt3XY

"Do you like Karaoke?"
BEST OPENING LINE EVAR. Every woman has an opinion on Karaoke. Just listen. Let them talk. Pay attention. Ask them what song they would sing? Ask them if they sing it in the shower.

His other one I like:
"I'm not a cool guy"
If the girl likes you, she will tell you you are cool. If she doesn't, you are wasting your time.

LARRY DAVID IS MY HERO

Roille Figners said...

Torque the madas? Is that part of a valve stem cap? DOO I NEED A TORKQUE WRENTCH?

Frilly Chick said...

PTA presidents and wanna be traffic cops

*smirk*

Traffic Cop said...

STOP

Are you saying those who aspire to my position are in some way lacking?

PROCEED

Frilly Chick said...

You guys are killing it! Hate to leave the party but I'm off to spinning because it's raining and I didn't buy any candy to give out. I'm a mean person and will fully admit it unlike my dumbass neighbor who put a wet paint sign on his stairs so nobody would come up to his door. Just turn the friggin' light off already. Sheesh!

Roille Figners said...

Usually I just answer the door nekkid a couple of times. After that, the word spreads and nobody wants candy anymore.

Comment deleted said...

And then the guys in those incredibly authentic-looking cop uniforms show up...

"Hey kids! You want to see Uncle Touchy's naked puzzle basement?" (Patton Oswalt)

Anonymous said...

er.......

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
I'm a spooky ghost, A spooky recumbent ghost!
OOOOOoooooooooooooo!

Roille Figners said...

Crap I'm still at work. I'm scared to leave because of all the ghosts & ghouls, and also the deadline.

Roille Figners said...

CIC

Roille Figners said...

CC

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