Tuesday, October 29, 2013

A Comprehensive Article About How To Remove And Install Your Valve Caps

Good morning!

Many years ago, where my mansion now stands, there were streams that ran through the once verdant hills and dales.  These streams have long since been buried by the civil engineers, yet they still run, and indeed when it is quiet I can hear one of them trickling along beneath the pavement and underneath my manse.  The stream, I have begun to suspect, is teeming with river sprites, and I think they may be visiting me in my sleep, because I have lots of weird dreams about naked canoeing, and when I wake up my bed is full of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups wrappers.

I'll keep you posted.

Speaking of hallucinations, this is not one:

 
The reader who spotted this did so at the so-called "Orchard Cross at Applecrest Farm," and you'll be pleased to know that representatives of PETA were waiting at the finish line, where they lovingly tranquilized the great beast with an organic sedative, loaded it into a giant crate, and returned it to its natural habitat.

By the way, the neck on that giraffe isn't UCI legal, as the rule book clearly states that the neck of an ungulate may be no longer than 1.8 meters.

Meanwhile, even stranger than river sprites and cyclocrossing giraffes was Assos's announcement that they were releasing a $500 bib short which featured a sort of "cock pouch" called the "KuKu Penthouse" which allows you to hang your junk out in the wind while you ride:


Many speculated that the proprietary Assos "dick bag" was a practical joke, but indeed it is all too real, and a reader has actually forwarded me video of someone from the company presenting the "schlong satchel" with a straight face:

  

Not only that, but he's flanked by internationally famous supermodel Assos Bib Shorts Guy:


(Yin Fred)

Arch-nemesis of the preternaturally vexed Nonplussed Bib Shorts Guy from Wikipedia:


(Yang Fred)

Actually, I'm not sure the guy in the video is the same guy from the Assos website, but it really doesn't matter, for once you've been spraypainted orange and donned the Bono glasses the Curse of the Flying Doucheman passes to you until you manage to foist it onto someone else.

In other news, they say that into each life some rain must fall, and so it goes in Portland, where the entire community has been rent asunder by the theft of a clown bike:


Last Thursday (October 24th), Portlander Aaron Brown tweeted his interaction with the suspected thief: "sketch dude just tried to sell me this freak bike for $20. When I asked him about it, he freaked + jumped on the bus." Brown snapped a photo of the guy just before he climbed onto the #4 bus headed east on SE Division at 35th. That tweet and the bike in the photo caught the eye of Matthew Rogers, who recognized the bike from a photo I took that was featured here on the front page earlier this month.

And now I'd like to introduce a new feature here on this blog called "Great Warnings of History:"

April 18th, 1775: Paul Revere rides to Lexington shouting, "The British are coming, the British are coming!"

December 4th, 1941: A memo from the Office of Naval Intelligence warns, "In anticipation of possible open conflict with this country, Japan is vigorously utilizing every available agency to secure military, naval and commercial information, paying particular attention to the West Coast, the Panama Canal and the Territory of Hawaii."

October 24th, 2013: Portlander Aaron Brown tweets, "Sketch dude just tried to sell me this freak bike for $20."

By the way, they really have their own language out there, because I had to read "sketch dude just tried to sell me this freak bike" about five times before I knew what it meant.  I mean, come on.  "Sketch dude?"  Who is that, superhero Portrait Man's sidekick?


I think comic books are stupid, but I would read the fuck out of one called The Adventures of Portrait Man.

Anyway, the people of Portland, using the same detective skills that once led them to declare some guy a NARC because he was Asian, quickly deduced that the "freak bike" in question had once appeared in a photo of some guy called Dingo Dizmal, a.k.a. Dingo the Clown:

In that photo, the same bike that appears in the photo with the alleged thief is being ridden by well-known local entertainer Dingo Dizmal (a.k.a. Dingo the Clown)...


Holy crap!  Check out the Dionysian fruit pants on Dingo!  Is that guy a satyr?


Nope.  But he is friends with the bike's owner, Olive Rootbeer, with whom he frightens the shit out of entertains children at parties:

As it turns out, the bike belongs to Dingo's friend and partner Olive Rootbeer (both of whom appear in the latest Streetfilm video about Portland's 100th bike corral). Dingo and Olive make their living by telling stories to children's groups and going balloons at events like Sunday Parkways (here they are in action in 2011).




Sorry, but that is fucking horrifying.  The only reason the kid isn't screaming is that she hasn't turned around yet.  What is "going balloons?" anyway?  There is no way I'd scare the shit out of my kid by having Dingo and Olive Rootbeer "going balloons" at his next party.  I'll just stick with paying Banksy $1.5 million to do a kid-friendly art installation for us again, like we did last year:



The other kids all cried, but mine deemed it "a hilarious yet thought-provoking comment on corporate America."

Anyway, hopefully Fruit Pants and Olive Garden get their freak bike back so they can get back to fucking with kids' heads.

Lastly, speaking of the Dionysian, here's an old Cycles Gladiator ad sent to me by another reader:


Baby got Bacchus.

190 comments:

babble on said...

Good day!

JB said...

below babble?

DB said...

Second?

DerZoots said...

Podiumsz?


Robotcatchiphrase: 85 outesub

streepo said...

scranus!! XXX OOO Babs

BamaPhred said...

Top ten?

DB said...

You are a lucky man, JB.

Logbig said...

STRAVA!! TO My KUKU PENTHOUSE!!

DerZoots said...

Looks like today is the Babble rabble!
Lead on Queen of the Babble On.




MoreRobotcatchphrase: 7c DLpsnera

McFly said...

Them Olden Times women looked like they had a lot of field sex.

Whatever blows your hair back.

balls™ said...

Gladiator? I hardly know her!

grog said...

Bacchus Babe!
Congrats babble!

Lumpen Fredetariat said...

Waiting for the Babs reconstruction of that Gladiator picture, but in the meantime, podium kisses

incessantlycommentingregular said...

I CAN'T CONTROL MYSELF!

g, said...

If it's up for a vote, I suggest we replace Recumbabe with Gladiator babe. If it's up for a vote, that is.

the Jimboner said...

Tons O Yucks today Snob!
And babs on top.

JB said...

Right now, I'm hugging Babble on the podium. Since she's up on the top step, ... well, you know...


Also, are you sure the stolen tall bike story is from Portland? A true Portlander would have bought the bike for $20, found Olive Oil, and then married her.

Yeah Cleveland! said...

Playing football for the coach.
Yep twonty!

babble on said...

Mmmm, baby LOVES Bacchus.

But Hey heyyyy! What about the babes? Time to PAY ATTENTION to your once verdant dreams of naked canoeing so we, too, can rent our shorts asunder and hang our bits out in the wind as we ride!

Comment deleted said...

Portlandia is a documentary.

Babs is #1!

babble on said...

Hugs and kisses backatcha! xxooxxoo

Emperor Commodus said...

1 vote for Gladiator Babe.

Road Queer said...


Flamma was one of the most famous gladiators of Rome because he was awarded the rudis no less than four times but still chose to remain a gladiator. The gravestone of Flamma, in Sicily, details the following information:

"Flamma, secutor, lived 30 years, fought 34 times, won 21 times, fought to a draw 9 times, defeated 4 times
a Syrian by nationality."

The gravestone also holds the entry "Delicatus made this for his deserving comrade-in-arms".

mikeweb said...

Whoa, big pack today.

Congrats babble, JB, DB, OB, ZB and of course CB.

Marcel Da Chump said...

Dingo scranus

Anonymous said...

Came to this article expecting information about valve caps. Sorely disappointed.

Do I need a special tool to remove my carbon valve caps? I've also heard that titanium valve caps will save me 0.1g and will last me a lifetime (you should see the welds too!). Can anyone confirm/deny?

P. Bateman said...

i vote for gladiator babe too. her tits are pretty sweet.

no links to this video that features the clown couple? thank you very little snooberdingledoodle.

hey! its tuesday. and i hope everyone is enjoying it.

mikeweb said...

Olive Rootbeer sounds like a most un-tasty beverage.

And I hope that isn't the same Dingo that ate that baby one time.

McFly said...

I will vote for Gladiator Babe as long as she has a thick and lush natural bush hiding under her toga.

Then and only then.

P. Bateman said...

portland 100th bike corall vid. you should watch just to hear how a gal says: cafe

http://www.streetfilms.org/west-coast-swing-portlands-100th-bike-corral-seattles-first-cycle-track-and-railvolution-2013/

is the clown guy the fellow at the very end? couldn't tell.

CommentatorBot9000 said...

"These streams have long since been buried by the civil engineers,..."

Ahh the good old days, when we were heroes for figuring out how to burry streams and drain swamps so people could build manses…

Anonymous said...

Coming to theaters this Christmas - Portrait Dude and Olive Garden go Ballons, the Final Conquest. This time it's for keeps.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Satyr indeed.

JB said...

I must stick up for civil engineers.

Civil engineer (CE): You want to build that here?

Client: Yes

CE: What about the bluff and the stream at the base of it?

Client: Get rid of them.

CE: That's going to be expensive. There're plenty of flat properties over in New Jersey.

Client: I said, get rid of them.

Mr Plow said...

Snob
Funny post today. I was going balloons!
UNGU LATE

Dooth said...

Reading "going balloons" put me in a strip club mood.

Serial Retrogrouch said...

wait... how in freak's name can the alleged thief jump on a bus with a freak bike?

Serial Retrogrouch said...

babbs on top again... just where we like you to be, babbs.

xoxo

Yarpo said...

Does the Assos Guy have some sort of transponder or amulet or something in his belly button? What the fuck IS that thing? Maybe a new GoPro Belly Button Mount?

"Going Balloons." We'll have that to kick around for a while, I think.

Smooches, Massive Floral Bouquet, and Badly-Welded-Chainring-Art-Trophy-With-Allegorical-Whatchamacallit to Babble! Canodianten Anthem playing in the background as Royal Beaver/Maple Syrup Flag flies gently in the breeze.

O Canodia! O Canodia!

Chapeau to JB and DB in the Silver and Bronze categories. Plastic flowers, no trophy, but some coupons to the over-salted hell that is a Chipotle burrito for you. Hey, it's better than invading Ass Monkeys!

Sketch Dude said...

vermeer schmermeer... i sketch with my dick in portland.

3G said...

I ate too many onions for lunch

mikeweb said...

As a wise man once said,

"Get out of my dreams, and into my KuKu penthouse".

leroy said...

My dog informs me that he doesn't need special bibs to hang his junk out in the wind when he rides.

That's what scissors are for.

He cautions that you can only get away with that if you're a dog.

babble on said...

mmmmmmm. Lovelovelovinit on top! Love, too, today's Ivory Tower of Titty Tuesdays, snobberdoodles. Wicked.

And on towers....104 floors of compromise... ok?...vanilla...ok... like something they'd build in CANADA?!

Thanks Banksy.

We're too fucking polite for our own good.

Sigh. Time to go ballooners on a hill or two... sooners, dooders. XO

Frilly Chick said...

Just out of curiosity, does it really get THAT warm down there to warrant a KuKu Penthouse?

Anonymous said...

Hey Hey Hey WAITAMINNIT

Cycles Gladiator babe is smokin hot. Sure. But it is Recumbabe I want. Replacing Recumbabe with Cycles Gladiator Babe will mess with my long term experiment whereupon as I grow older Recumbabe gets hotter and hotter.

BABE BABE

3922CInduch

Anonymous said...

@FRilly Chick (alleged, no frills),

No.

JLRB said...

Quick - someone with some fancy 'puter skilz combine the Assos koo-koo-katchoo birdhouse with the toilet seat bike saddle from yester-week

wishiwasmerckx said...

Cj is a persona non grata around here; a true bete noir.



JLRB said...

Bateman 12:24

Good link - the racks in the corral (how fun is it to say that when you are completely smoked out) are wayyyy to blue

But why call them corrals, which are supposed to be or capturing and holding animals? My bike is not an animal (Joseph Merrick)

wishiwasmerckx said...

I, on the other hand am sine qua non; the ne plus ultra.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

"A Comprehensive Comment About How To Remove And Install Your Valve Caps"

1. Insure that your bicycle is placed on a flat clean area preferably a paved surface. It may be necessary to support your bicycle by its kickstand or suitable workstand if available. Performing valve cap maintenance while under the influence of drugs or alcohol may result in injury. Always wear safety glasses when working around compressed air.

2. Locate the valve stem.
Beginning at either the front or rear wheel of the bicycle locate the valve stem. It may be necessary to rotate the wheel slightly to gain access to the valve stem. If at first the wheel appears to not have a valve stem do not panic. continue to rotate until the valve becomes visible. It is often obscured by the chainstay or seatstay tubes in the rear or the fork legs in front.

3. Remove Valve Cap.
Valve stems are configured in one of two ways. Department store and children's bicycles most often use larger diameter Schrader valves. Performance oriented bicylces such as road racing, touring and competition mountain bikes commonly employ narrower Presta valves. As far as the scope of this comment is concerned it should be noted that the operation of the valve cap is the same regardless of stem type. Valve caps may be colored plastic; most often black but other colors such as red, pink and gray may be encountered. Caps may be anodized aluminum or other metals even dice caps can be seen in a variety of colors. Again the shape, color or material of a valve cap makes no difference in its operation. The valve cap is located at the top of the valve stem closest to the hub.

Note: Commit this simple rhyme to memory so you can always be sure as to which direction to rotate a valve cap: "Lefty-Loosey Righty-Tighty"

Grasp the valve cap between the thumb and index finger and gently twist counter-clockwise to loosen. Continue to rotate the cap until it is removed from the stem.

At this point any stem or tire maintenance such as thread polishing, tube or tire change or inflation/ deflation can be carried out. Repeat the above procedure for the remaining wheel(s).

4. Install Valve Cap.

Note: If using Presta valves be sure thumbscrew is tightened down firmly against the end of the stem body. Failure to seat the thumbscrew fully can result in loss of air pressure and prevent the valve cap from fully engaging the threads of the stem body. Schrader valves are spring loaded and no additional steps are required for cap installation on these types of valves.

To install valve caps simply follow the procedure outlined in step 3 in reverse order. Again remember "Lefty-Loosey Righty-Tighty" and installation of your valve caps will be trouble free. Gently rotate the cap onto the valve stem and twist in a clockwise direction. Continue to turn the cap down until resistance is felt. Tighten the cap finger tight only. The soft plastic threads of the common valve cap can be easily stripped from excessive force. Metal valve caps may be tightened to higher torque values.

Jed said...

Some asshole moved in behind the KuKu Penthouse®.
I rang his buzzer to ask for a cup of sugar, but only got a teaspoon of chamois juice.

JLRB said...

RCT - Thank you for the helpful instructions - Park Tools site was no help on this topic. A few follow up questions:

1. Should I grease the threads? Is loctite preferred? Anti-sneeze?

2. To what torque should the caps be tightened?

3. Are aero versions available?

crosspalms said...

I like to wear my valve cap at a jaunty angle when I take my giraffe bike out for a spin.

mikeweb said...

rct,

Are these instructions the same if my valve caps are in the southern hemisphere?

Also, if I'm somewhere that uses metric only?

Anonymous said...

http://www.wikigallery.org/wiki/painting_309886/(after)-Agostino-Carracci/The-Satyr-Mason

RoadQueen said...

Yay Babble! *jiggy dance* in your honor! XO

"Is that a valve cap in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?"

VALV ECAP

Anonymous said...

I'd say the valve cap instructions were decent, but RCT, 'lefty-loosey righty-tightey' DOESN'T RHYME.

How can I ever trust you again?

BamaPhred said...

There are carbon fiber caps available here naturally.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

JLRB -Glad I could be of service!

Greasing the threads is of course optional. If you are riding in unusually wet and or muddy areas and are worried about corrosion or contamination of the upper valve area grease may be used as a moisture barrier. Use a heavy weight grease such as boat trailer wheel bearing grease.

Locktite and Anti-Sneeze should probably be avoided in order to facilitate the removal of the valve caps for regular service.

Again, finger tight is sufficient. Some valve caps contain contain a rubber gasket that helps to hold the cap in the tightened position and also acts as a barrier to contamination.

RoadQueen said...

Anon @ 2:12 - You're right, it's not a rhyme at all. It's a mnemonic.

Carry on.

Anonymous said...

These are low-hanging nuts that you are nutpicking from BikePortland.org, Snob. Must be a slow news day.

Comment deleted said...

Everybody knows that the weight saving achieved by going valve cap-less is negated by the loss of aero-ness. Those valve stem tip vortices are incredibly power-robbing.

RCT, thanks for the reminder about polishing the threads. I'm way overdue.

CommieCanuck said...

We need a new bib shorts guy image.
I suggest this.

CommieCanuck said...

Or, Jesus biblical shorts

CommieCanuck said...

Porn shorts?

(yer doing it wrong).

Anonymous said...

CommieCanuck,

You don't know what the fook you are talking about. Key to comedy is repetition. You are qualified to give bikesnob advice on politeness, ice hockey and curling.

Although Fubar was pretty funnny

T Bone Steak said...

I bet the junk hanging out shorts are going to be a big hit in Manhattan's Meatpacking District.

RoadQueen said...

CC - The first pic made me harf a little, second one "Holy Hair, Batman!", and the third one admittedly made me blush.

Great finds.

Has Anybody Here Seen Babble, Babble the Leggy Lady... said...

Babble, Top of the heap twice in the last week. See what seeing double will do for you, you double up. Congrats Ms. Babble.

Comment deleted said...

"Harf" -- good word, RQ. Is it simultaneously laughing and throwing up?

All The Black People In Portland said...

Free Range Artisanal Root Beer Pizza is the best! Even better than Oranic Dingo Scones!!

Somebody throw that motherfucking clown bike in the Columbia River before I go all sit-in on your white ass.

RoadQueen said...

CD - It can be taken two ways = Laugh so hard you throw up, OR Laugh and throw up at the same time.

The latter was the implied use of the word in my previous quote.

Caligula said...

I vote Gladiator! My horse, the noble senator IIncitatus, also votes Gladiator.

Anonymous said...

A Pontious Pilate comment is in order...where forth art thou?

Yarpo said...

I would be fine with seeing more of Gladiator Gal and less of The Recumbabe and her Birkenstocks of Terror.

Plus, Gladiator Gal is hoisting a glass of wine and her breasticular region is particularly nice.

RQ, thanks for Harf, the reverse of Horf, which is an ingesting sort of move.

Let's just call them The Assos Nut-Sack Shorts and be done with it. For $500 those sonsabitches better have an on-demand reach-around option or two!

Anonymous said...

RCT,

The valve caps on the latest batch of Continental tubes are green. Do those operate the same way?

Does it matter which way I rotate the wheel to make the valve stem appear (clockwise or counter(anti)-clockwise)?

Natural versus Unnatural said...

McFly: "I will vote for Gladiator Babe as long as she has a thick and lush natural bush hiding under her toga."

By "natural bush" I suppose you're talking about color. If one gets head from a dyed redhead, does that count? Or does it have to be a "natural" redhead.

Mr. Ed said...

Road Queen, that new profile picture, was it taken from a bike or a horse?

Anonymous said...

Keep it going yall, we're almost at the bottom.

Anonymous said...

A Giraffe riding a bike; finally a use for VVS (vertical video syndrome).




RoadQueen said...

Mr. Ed - That photo was taken from the cock pit of my bicycle.

You can tell the difference with my pics, as the pics taken from the horse usually have the horse's ears in the frame.

Just Thinking Out Loud said...

I vote to replicate the Gladiator photo with Babble holding up the glass of vino.

Anonymous said...

BALL OONS

McFly said...

I just meant unkempt and unruly. 70's style baby. Hell yes it counts. Head always counts.

crosspalms said...

Meanwhile, in the back of the Vermeer Mobile, Sketch Dude is just putting the finished touches on the Girl with the Pearl Necklace when Rembrandt's Night Watch shows up. Trouble ensues.

BamaPhred said...

Did somebody say bib shorts?

g. said...

Bama,
Like what you did there, but shouldn't we compare apples to apples? Or, in this case, Assos to Assos?

RoadQueen said...

g. - How uncomfortable to have a strap running along the sternum in between the ta-tas.

Just my opinion, your mileage may vary.

Oh - I suppose this should be said somewhere in this post:

NICE TITS

Roille Figners said...

RCT - I tried to follow your valve cap instructions, but after removing the valve cap, I lost it. Now the part about installing valve caps doesn't seem to work. Help please!!

DB said...

Funniest comment of the day goes to Crosspalms.

g. said...

RQ,
I suppose, but I think the adjustment buckle might be a bit more uncomfortable than useful. Then again, she does seem to be happy enough.
FTR, I don't have boobs of my own, just a some I get to play with now and then.

CommieCanuck said...

Like what you did there, but shouldn't we compare apples to apples? Or, in this case, Assos to Assos?

So confusing, are they supposed to ride one handed while holding their boobs? This is more befuddling than that blue liquid on the feminine hygiene commercials.. and they wonder why we don't understand wimmin.
An anthology:
Two-handed technique

The Elbows method.

The Criss-Cross.


The careful strapping.

The one-sided criss-cross - a rare variation

Portrait Man said...

Sketch Dude, quit playing with your pencil and get Commisioner De Kooning on the line.

Anonymous said...

Do the Assos people REALLY have three testicles? Three genitals?

....the ad copy states that we should protect 'them' "since we only have three". WTF?

BamaPhred said...

Now I am 100% behind, no pun intended, the Ladies Tour De France.

Anonymous said...

Polyorchidism occurs in two primary forms: Type A and Type B.[1]

Type A: The supernumerary testicle is connected to a vas deferens. These testicles are usually reproductively functional. Type A is further subdivided into:

Type A1: Complete duplication of the testicle, epididymis and vas deferens.

Type A2: The supernumerary testicle has its own epididymis and shares a vas deferens.

Type A3: The supernumerary testicle shares the epididymis and the vas deferens of the other testicles.

Type B: The supernumerary testicle is not connected to a vas deferens and is therefore not reproductively functional. Type B is further subdivided into:

Type B1: The supernumerary testicle has its own epididymis but is not connected to a vas deferens

Type B2: The supernumerary testicle consists only of testicular tissue.

Type A3 is the most common form of polyorchidism, and types A2 and A3 together account for more than 90% of cases.[2] In 65% of cases, the supernumerary testicle is found in the left scrotal sac.[1]

Missy Giove said...

http://www.mensjournal.com/magazine/print-view/missy-giove-an-x-games-stars-criminal-ride-20131028

wishiwasmerckx said...

I'm gay!

the Jimboner said...

SCRODIUM DOS.

Frilly Chick said...

I don't know Road Queen, the strap between the girls couldn't be any worse than one of those sports bras that try to compress things. Aaack!

And CC that careful strapping thing, oh fuck that! No, no, no.

g. said...

You know, I always wondered what happened to you Missy. Looks like you've been keeping yourself occupied. The news mentioned your 'troubles' but failed to follow up with the rest of the story.

Anonymous said...

What the fuck, Snobby!?

How can you think comic books are stupid!!??

Your blog's a comic book!!!

Your entire life's a comic book!!!!

Lay off comic books!!!!!

And those cycling gladiator boobs aren't bad, but they can never outclass the original;

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2011/04/06/article-1373878-0B7CCE8700000578-720_468x652.jpg

Bender said...

DICK BAGG

Friendo said...

CC@ 4:24: keep up the good work

McFly said...

Thanks g. I love hand bra. "Excuse me miss, do you have a nickel? I said NICKEL."

Anonymous said...

Come on now ladies don't tell us you never put ANYTHING between the girls......how else you gonna wear a pearl scarf?

She Ain't Cool said...

Missy Giove...Fucking rollover narc.Lucky she was working with hippies and not pros,she'd be history.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Really, CJ, a fourth-grade playground taunt about my sexuality? Am I supposed to be offended? I happen to be straight, but if I was gay, so what? What business is it of yours?

You are incapable of appropriate human interaction, straight or gay, although I strongly suspect that your background includes a healthy dose of goatfuckery.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Oh, and for the love of Christ, will you please stop coming here and posting under my name? I don't go to Portland and shit all over everyone and everything whilst pretending to be you...

Indeed said...

DB@410: "Funniest comment of the day goes to Crosspalms."

I second the motion.

wishiwasmerckx said...

RQ, I have two pairs of Adidas bibs in the Y-strap configuration. They are not uncomfortable on the sternum, and I prefer them because they work better over the heart rate monitor strap.

Then again, I don't have boobies. Then again, I do have moobs, which I prefer to relabel as pectoral muscles.

Roille Figners said...

I don't believe CJ is in Portland, I think he's in the greater Puget Sound metropolitan agglomerated census population designated administrative area. So much the better for the hot young chicks of Portland, although they still have to deal with clown bikes, artisanal shit all over the place, and the streets being closed arbitrarily because someone decided to film fucking GRIMM.

wishiwasmerckx said...

RF, there is a very real probability that CJ actually lives in his Mom's basement in Indianapolis or Des Moines or Omaha.

Anonymous said...

Roille > WIWM

WIWM identifies as "straight" for propriety's sake. I suspect he falls somewhere in the middle of the Kinsey Scale, like most people.

“Males do not represent two discrete populations, heterosexual and homosexual. The world is not to be divided into sheep and goats…The living world is a continuum in each and every one of its aspects."

I am jealous that women can experiment with their sexuality. Eat some muff in college= that's normal. You put ONE (1) DICK in your mouth, and you are a poofter the rest of your life.

Notsosanta Klaus said...

Leroy @ 1:13, what your dog does there sounds very painfull to me!

Bender's Shiny Metal Scranus said...

I think cj is one of those pissed off Mini drivers from back in the Oughts. Or maybe just what he appears to be. Either way, it's painful to have to watch him act out here. Poor bastard.

Vegas said...

Is that a giraffe in your CX race or are you just happy to see me?

Blog Drafter said...

well...

Dave said...

The blog is still hilarious, but the comments have, on balance, drifted too far into the Sargasso Sea of tedium. Oh well - frees up some time for me to polish my valve threads and replace my brake noodles.

If only a robot existed that would pre-sort the comments to my taste. Life would suck just a tiny bit less.

babble on said...

You are always invited to add something thought provoking, or laughter inducing.

Studio Audience said...

Ooooooooooh!!!

Anonymous said...

+1 piss poor comments

McFly said...

Dear BSNYC,

Are those Sram Avid BB7's on the Engin? I can't really tell because the glorious foliage is drawing my eyes away.

Anonymous said...

babble's been on this page about a year and that gives her right of ownership, apparently.

SlickRick said...

"You are always invited to add something thought provoking, or laughter inducing."

Babs, seriously, when was the last time you added anything thought provoking or laughter inducing? And why is it that when someone simply notices how this comment section has gone to bang, you feel the need chime in?

Anonymous said...

Tilford kind of hates the idea of changing all his wheels over to Shimano's new road specific disc brakes. He didn't do it for his cross bikes yet either. He's not ridden them yet personally but feels they have to be better than rim braking on carbon rims.

babble on said...

The comment section was really funny, Laugh Out Loud funny. Listening to stupid-ass people complaining about how people comment is just tedious.

THAT's why I chime in.


Anonymous said...

And yet, YOU never add anything thought provoking or laughter inducing.

Anonymous said...

I'm sure you'll podium again today, cause how else would you spend your time?

Doctor Fill said...

Wull, if'n Ah wuz Dave or SlickRick, mah feelins' wud be kinda hurt rot about now. Poor 'ol Dave wuz problee just talkin' 'bout that man-chile CJ always doin' his best imuhtashun of a 15 year ol' peckr-head.

And Ahm detectin' some over sensitivty abayout the hi-laritee or lack thereuv from the commentareet. Thas sum stinkin' thinkin'.

babble on said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Rod-knee King said...

Can't we all just get along?




And fuck.

Anonymous said...

Portland's current biggest problem are sous chefs trespassing in people's yards to forage.

wishiwaswarhol said...

CJ, or should I say Martin Connolly:

Congratulations on your 15 minutes of fame.

wishiwaswarhol said...

Oh, and CJ/ Martin:

I'm guessing your carpet doesn't match the drapes.

Just for Men?

Bender's Shiny Metal Scranus said...

Wow, cj has a sore ass this morning. Poor bastard.

babble on said...

Peace offerings Via Dirty @ Drunk Cyclist:

"Climb the mountains and get their good tidings. Nature's peace will flow into you as sunshine flows into trees. The winds will blow their own freshness into you, and the storms their energy, while cares will drop away from you like the leaves of Autumn."—John Muir

Anonymous said...

Wow, cj has a sore ass this morning. Poor bastard.

And roving bands of sous chefs keep stealing his herbs. When will it end??

BamaPhred said...

One word. Roundup. Problem solved.

JB said...

Nip slipple: Assos gal; top row, third from left [3:58pm link].

Anonymous said...

+1 babble, 'was really funny'

babble on said...

Oh dear. It must be getting a bit hot in Ryder's saddle today... did he or didn't he? Enquiring dopes want to know...

Anonymous said...

This comments section has jumped the shark.

Anonymous said...

Yer!! happy days of viagra spam

Comment deleted said...

The bitching about the comments section isn't as good as it was in the old days.

JB said...

Nobody comments here anymore, it's too crowded.

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Comment deleted said...

CL

Anonymous said...

...sigh...

McFly said...

Babble you misspelled "piece".

babble on said...

Yeah, I can't spell to save my peace of ass.

Anonymous said...

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crosspalms said...

Back in the old days this comments section was chock full of spelling, Now it's just pissing and moaning about pissing and moaning. And women in bib shorts who can't afford jerseys. Sad what the recession has done.

Anonymous said...

Too many celebrities. if you all decided to post as 'anonymous' for one day we might see this section rise from drivel to dross. A noble aim..?

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

PISS MOAN

Comment deleted said...

If we all posted as 'anonymous', we'd all be complaining about how anonymous posts too much, and it never used to be like that.

Anonymous said...

Theory proven thanks celeb

Comment deleted said...

These days, you just can't find a good reminiscence.

Anonymous said...

Ok, as a 'regular celebrity poster' I'll play. Question though: do I get a cookie or some other prize for participating??

Also, if someone guesses who "I" am, do THEY get a cookie?

Cause, ya know. It's not over 'till everybody gets their cookie...

babble on said...

LOL!! Right?

Oh come on, yeah wee anonymoaner. Be happy.

Anonymous said...

I personally have commented hilariously as 'anonymous' several times.

Anonymous said...

Duh. Everything everybody says proves my point. I am incredibly smart!

Anonymous said...

Oh YEAH?! Well ALL OF YOU SUCK!

Why...um...BECAUSE I SAID SO!

And because the comments section isn't as funny as it used to be, back before I was pissing and moaning about the comments section. But that's why I didn't piss and moan about the comments section - because I didn't have to. Because it was funny. Back in the day.

I'VE BEEN POSTING HERE LONGER THAN ANY OF YOU!

Comment deleted said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
babble on said...

Listen. The only celebrity here worthy of note is snob.

Be the fucking change you want to see. Pissing and moaning is the problem. If you want funny then be fucking funny or shut up about it already.

RoadQueen said...

"Be the fucking change you want to see. Pissing and moaning is the problem. If you want funny then be fucking funny or shut up about it already."

Amen!

Anonyboner said...

Babble I like to picture you with your sexy school teacher glasses on when you talk like that.

CommieCanuck said...

Nobody comments here anymore, it's too crowded.

...and the service is awful, the silverware is filthy, this always happens when celebrities own these things.

I was better when it was more of a Sausagefest for the locker room poop humor I excel at, and in the locker room vein, we would have beat the crap out of CJ.
It is turning into a clam bake, maybe if we install some leather chairs, a fireplace, some scotch and light up Cuban cigars we can return to normality.

hehe..poop.

Anonymous said...

Amen to your cursing!

It's so necessary to prove your point!

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Scotch and Cuban cigars does sound nice.

CLAM BAKE

RoadQueen said...

Who said clams don't like liquor, cigars, leather and potty humor?

CommieCanuck said...

POOP JOKS

RoadQueen said...

LITE EMUP

CommieCanuck said...

hey Roadqueen, [tinkle-tinkle], this empty scotch glass isn't going to fill itself.

that's right, it was better in the MADMEN days...follow me to the copy room for something inappropriate.

balls™ said...

I heard y'all liked scranus, so I put some scranus in your scranus.


poop.

Anonymous said...

Please refrain from all the fucking cursing; it distracts me when I'm trying to stimulate my prostate.

Anonymous said...

Snobby, drop a post already. I'm getting the shit kicked out of me here!

It's so bad, it's even making me use dirty, dirty words!

CommieCanuck said...

...oh ...and you guys can't buy Cubans..that's really too bad...

incessantlycommentingregular said...

My life would cease to exist without this blog.

CigarSnobNYC said...

Cubans are overrated. The Dominicans on the next isle over make every bit as gooda stick.

Lorax's Wife said...

The Assos Bib Guy in the video is indeed the same one from the website. I determined this by taking precise measurements of the divot in the center of both men's sternums. This is how I chose to spend my time.

Spokey said...

Babs;

belated (was off line for a few days) but congrats on the yellow podi last Friday.

Anonymous said...

Guess which celebrity I am, Jew.

Bender's Shiny Metal Scranus said...

Complaining about the quality of the comments on a blog post! Wow! Some meatbag needs a life.

Anonymous said...

Thanks again celeb! Great addition to the debate!

Caleb said...

What the hell are you talking about? And learn to spell, Doofus.

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